Remus takes a step back and comes up against the wall. Sirius follows and over balances, has to catch himself with both hands on the rough stone. It's graceless and clumsy and Remus is already half out of breath but Merlin. Fuck. Remus drags a thumb along Sirius' jawline and Sirius lets out a small sound of longing, half sobbing, lips parting, kiss deepening. You. This. Oh fuck.
Remus had forgotten he could feel this way, this gorgeous, tangled mix of longing and heat and love. He's been with other people in the intervening years but that all seems so pointless compared to this, compared to the way Sirius' touch lights him up. His blood seems to fizz like champagne. It should feel strange - it's been so long - but it's not. It's easy. Right.
Sirius' hand on Remus' cheek is shaking, though, and Remus pulls back a bit.
"Sh," he murmurs, "slow down, slow down…"
Sirius breathes and rests his forehead against Remus'. There are tears on his face. Remus brushes them away.
"Remus," he says quietly.
"Yeah?"
Sirius blinks. "Nothing. Hi."
Remus smiles. "Hey."
Sirius smiles back, though his eyes close the moment Remus starts combing his fingers through his hair. He lowers his head to Remus' shoulder, leaning against him heavily, the pair of them only held upright by Sirius' hands on the wall behind Remus.
"You'd've been satisfied with friendship?" Sirius mutters, barely audible against Remus' neck.
Remus laughs, startled and so happy he can't quite breathe. He turns his head and kisses Sirius' temple.
"I meant it," he says. "We started there, I liked that… version of us, too."
"Mm," Sirius agrees in a way that means this is better.
They are quiet for a few breaths. Sirius is warm and reassuring against his chest and Remus thinks he could stay like this all night. He can feel Sirius' breath hitching when he shifts against him, seeking slightly firmer footing, but the tension retreats a bit as Remus resumes playing with Sirius' hair. The setting sun and summer breeze are gentle against his skin. On every inhale Sirius' scent floods through him, undoing knots of anxiety he didn't realize were there.
The kisses on Remus' neck are so gentle at first that it takes a second to filter through his contented haze. He sighs approval, dropping his head back. Sirius straightens up a little and his left hand leaves the wall to rest on Remus' hip. His movements start cautious but quickly grow bolder as Remus exposes his neck to Sirius' wandering lips. The hand on his hip tightens, pulls him closer.
"Sirius, we… mm, fuck… we don't have to…"
Sirius stops his teasing of Remus' collarbone and pulls back, frowning at him in question.
"We could slow down?" Remus says with some difficulty. Part of him is aware that this is a rather fast shift from barely talking to Sirius' thumb toying with his belt, and he wants to give him a chance to think. "If you want to. I didn't mean to… pressure you."
Sirius raises an eyebrow and smirks slightly. "You're not. Do you want to? Slow down?"
Remus blinks. "No," he says quietly. "Um… come upstairs?"
Sirius bites his bottom lip. Remus feels like a bit of a prude, wanting to be inside, because what the hell does it matter, they are in the middle of nowhere and he knows that if Sirius pulls him down into the grass right now he is not remotely going to protest. But the awkwardness of pausing, of parting and making their way through the house, seems worth it in exchange for other things, like the sudden, glorious possibility that they're going to wake up in the same bed for the first time since the world ended.
"Okay," Sirius says. "Yes."
"Okay," Remus whispers back, and kisses him again.
Sirius POV
He's just gonna… die, maybe?
Maybe.
Fuck.
They're in the middle of Sirius' room, standing and wrapped around each other. Sirius can tell Remus is trying very, very hard to keep his own composure. He did adult things as they came inside, locking doors, turning off lights. Well, he did them a little sloppily maybe, because now that this line has been crossed, Sirius cannot stop touching him, but he did them. And he keeps catching Sirius' eye like he's looking for permission, like he's making sure this is okay. Sirius finds this a little funny, considering he dragged Remus off the wall, but it's nice, too, being treated like someone worth taking care of.
Remus is close to coming undone, Sirius can feel it in the eager way the other man arches into him when he touches his lower back. Remus undone, all that careful, conscientious shell abandoned has always been one of Sirius' favorite things in the world.
Sirius wants to tease, wants to smirk and draw this out, but he feels like he's barely holding on. All he can think to do is keep kissing him. Up until about six hours ago, he'd been vaguely concerned he wasn't even capable of wanting this anymore. He's happy with this answer, feels consumed with wanting, but it's a little dizzying.
Think about something else.
Do something else.
You know what comes next.
Shirts are shed and the rest of their clothes follow quickly. Sirius has a flash of feeling hideous, skin and bones, but that's very hard to focus on when Remus pulls him close again. Sirius pushes the other man down onto the bed, follows him, pins him, kisses his neck. Remus moans against his shoulder.
"Sirius, I… Sirius."
Remus is under him. His eyes are closed, his lips parted, head dropped back and fuck just fuck he looks so vulnerable, so trusting, that it takes Sirius' breath away. He'd forgotten this intimacy. He thought he'd been banished from it forever, this feeling of trusting and being trusted in return.
Remus' eyes open. He looks up at him in the dusk of the bedroom and Sirius realizes he's staring. Remus raises an eyebrow in question, smiling a little.
"You're lovely," Sirius says quietly.
Remus blushes. Of course he does. Of course he blushes like receiving a compliment is the most compromising part of this. Sirius laughs, overwhelmed.
Sirius' laughter makes Remus' composure waver. His eyes darken and his next kiss is hungrier, pulling Sirius closer. One of his hands fists in Sirius' hair, holding him there. Sirius ends up on his back, Remus pressing him into the mattress.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
They haven't really gotten that far, he knows that. Younger Sirius would have considered this basic foreplay, but now he already feels completely overwhelmed. Remus rolls his hips experimentally, moving with more purpose when Sirius follows his lead.
"Moony. Remus, I…"
He can't believe he let this go. Can't believe he ever took Remus for granted, this man who can see everything he's done, knows every part of him, and can still look at him and say 'I love you.'
The real miracle is that Sirius might believe him.
"Remus. Fuck. Fuck, love, I'm not-I can't-"
Remus' kisses him in acknowledgement. He moves his hand between them and Sirius is utterly overwhelmed. He cries out wordlessly as he comes, hard and completely, groaning and clinging to this person he'd thought he'd lost forever. Remus follows quickly, his movements going uneven, gasping Sirius' name in his ear.
They collapse together, a tangled heap. There are tears streaming down Sirius' face. Remus is trembling against him, but gathers him up in his arms. For the second time that day, Sirius buries his tears in Remus' chest, and lets himself believe he's where he belongs.
Remus POV
It's some point deep into the night when Remus, half asleep, gets up to use the bathroom. He tries not to disturb Sirius, but when he comes back, Sirius is awake and pulls Remus back under the covers. He says nothing, just kisses him and presses him down into the pillows. The kisses are different now, slow and intentional, the urgency of earlier gone, like they have all the time in the world.
Afterwards, Remus can feel tears sliding down toward his ears. He breathes through them, not wanting to make a fuss. They're lying side by side on their backs. Even if he's not going to admit to the tears, he decides to try to share some part of what he's thinking.
"I missed you so much," he says quietly, eyes on the ceiling. "Thought I was gonna lose my mind. I think I did, for a bit."
"Me, too."
There's silence for a few long breaths.
"Moons?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I do the next moon with you?" Sirius asks. "The last one, I wasn't sure you wanted… Hey. You okay?"
"I-Um-that…"
"Oh, Remus," Sirius says softly.
Remus' quiet tears aren't so quiet anymore, and Sirius reaches for him. Years of Remus' miserable, aching loneliness come pouring out. Sirius' wraps around him, kissing his temple and stroking his hair until he falls asleep.