A/N: Merry Christmas everyone. It's been a while, but this one is extra-long. I hope you like it. - DN
Friday came around, and it was game day. Stiles was restless most of the day but spend most of the time we weren't in class telling me about the rules. He'd obviously told me about them before, but I didn't quite get it at the time. Lydia had taken me out shopping the day before for an outfit for the party after the game. She wanted me to wear a dress. It was mainly because she didn't want to be the only one wearing one, but when I told her I didn't want to wear one, she didn't push it. During a shopping break we sat down to have a smoothie.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked.
Lydia smiled while rolling her eyes.
"Sana, you're like my best friend, you can tell me anything!"
I smiled, but then bit my lip.
"You know I don't want to wear dresses, right?"
"Yeah? I remember the first time I took you shopping. You almost gasped at the sight!"
"No, I didn't, Lyd!" I said laughing.
She smiled and winked.
"No, but seriously though…I don't want to wear a dress cause…it makes me feel…sort of vulnerable."
Lydia didn't say anything but waited for me to go on.
"It was the only thing I had to wear until you guys found me…and I guess it makes me feel exposed but…I see all these pretty ones, and I kinda want to try one on, because they look really good…and I like them on you, but I just don't want to feel…like that again…"
Lydia smiled and tilted her head.
"Well…It makes a bit more sense now…If you want to try one on, you can…but just so you know, you look amazing in anything, and there's a lot of cute outfits that consists of pants and tops…I'm sorry if you've felt like I've pressured you to wear one…"
"Oh, no not at all…I think I'd like to try one…just to see how it feels."
We got up and walked towards one of Lydia's favourite stores.
"Why don't you pick one you like, I have an idea as well."
We walked around and I saw a yellow dress that had thin straps and fell just above the knee.
"This one…it's kinda sunny."
I went to the dressing room and put it on. It felt a bit off. But I liked how it looked.
I walked out of the dressing room, feeling a bit on edge.
Lydia smiled when she saw me.
"It looks amazing on you! How do you feel?"
I pulled the fabric down a bit.
"Still a bit exposed…"
Lydia handed me some thin shorts.
"These are called biker shorts, a lot of people wear them under their dresses, maybe this will help?"
I tried them on and immediately felt safer. I smiled at myself in the mirror, and when I came out again, I was still smiling.
"I feel like I don't have to ask how you're feeling. You're one big smile!"
After the discovery of biker shorts, I tried a bunch of dresses on and picked one for the party.
Stiles was talking and talking while we walked towards the boys locker rooms. I was just trying to remember all the rules he'd told me. When we got to the door we stopped.
"Right, here we are. So, you'll just go and find dad and Lydia, they're saving you a seat next to them, and if you feel like it's a bit much with all the people, just tell dad, ok?"
"Stiles, I'm sure it'll be fine…just focus on the game, I'll be fine."
Stiles smiled crookedly.
"I'll look for you guys on the bleachers."
We stood looking at each other for a while.
"Well, good luck."
Stiles hugged me and let out a breath.
"I'll see you after, okay?"
"Okay…"
As I walked away, I could hear a boy in the locker room say through the still closing door; "Did you say goodbye to your girlfriend Stilinski?" and laugh. I tensed a bit.
Lydia and Noah waved at me when I made it to the field.
As I sat down between them, Noah asked me if Stiles seemed ready. I told him that I thought so. Lydia must have noticed my smile didn't quite reach my eyes, cause she scrunched her eyebrows and mouthed "you okay?". I nodded and tried to smile convincingly.
The game started and it really paid off having listened to Stiles go on and on about the rules that day. Scott scored and the bleachers went wild. It made me smile. Noah noticed I was rubbing my hands together because I was cold and handed me a blanket he had brought. I was November after all. It looked like he was going to put his arm around me but stopped himself and just smiled awkwardly for a second. It made me more tense.
The game was amazing and while Stiles may not have scored, he did pass to Scott who then scored the winning goal. Noah shouted "That's my son" at one point. It made Lydia laugh warmheartedly, and me smile.
After the game we went down to the field and both Scott and Stiles came running over to us smiling from ear to ear. Noah hugged Stiles while he protested a little saying he was all sweaty, but Noah didn't care. He kept saying how great he was out there. I stepped a bit into the background. It felt like this was sort of private. But just as I had had the thought, Stiles looked around and found my eyes.
"Was it okay? Were you okay?" he asked walking over to me.
"Yes. It was good. You were great out there." I stood with my arms crossed, hugging myself.
"Are you cold?" Stiles asked, but just before I could answer Scott jumped on his back in celebration. Scott pulled Stiles towards the other teammates, who'd gathered in a circle jumping around in celebration.
Lydia came over and asked if we should go to her house to get ready for the party. Noah said he'd tell the boys that we'd left and asked if I needed anything from the house. I told him my stuff was at Lydia's, but he offered to take my bag with him.
"Lydia, not too much please!" I said laughing. Lydia was putting make-up on me, adding what she called "finishing touches".
"Sana Wilson, I promise I'll keep it super natural, you have my word as your best friend!"
Music was playing in the background at low volume, and we had put on our dresses.
"So…you seemed a bit off tonight, is everything okay?" Lydia asked carefully.
"Yes. Everything is fine."
Lydia reached for another make-up brush.
"Well, if there WAS anything wrong, I'd tell you to spill… because usually that helps, and it would make sure you don't have to spend the whole party pretending to be okay…"
I sent her a pointed look.
"I'm just saying…" She said innocently.
I sighed.
"Stiles hugged me before the game…"
When I didn't continue Lydia tried to guess what I was going to say.
"And yooooouuuu don't like…it?"
I bit my lip, receiving a scolding look from her, as she'd just put lip-scrub on them. It tasted like sugar and peppermint.
"It's not that."
I didn't know how to explain it.
"Okay so…it's like…he hugged me and…and then I heard some guy say that I was Stiles girlfriend…and then I got tense and…Noah…he was being nice, and I still got tense…I'm just sick of it."
Lydia had stopped putting make-up on me.
"What exactly are you sick of?"
"The tense thing…but it's also kinda like I'm being more aware of the whole boy-girl thing and it's weird…it's so hard to explain!" I exasperated.
"Maybe…maybe if you practise hugging more, you'll be more comfortable with it?"
"Yeah maybe…but it doesn't make sense to me…I sleep with Stiles every night, and I still- "
"-WHAT?!" Lydia looked at me with wide eyes.
"What?"
"You sleep together?"
"Yes?"
"What…what kind of sleep together?"
"What do you mean? What kinds are there?"
Lydia let out a breathy laugh.
"Oh my god, sorry! I thought…Sorry Sana, it's just…that's also a figure of speech for when…when you, you know…have sex, so I just thought- "
"OH! No, that's not…I mean that's not…no, we just sleep…"
Lydia laughed and I joined.
"I'm sorry, even if it was the other kind, there's nothing wrong with that, I was just super surprised you hadn't told me…to be honest I'm a bit surprised you haven't told me you sleep next to each other either."
"I guess I didn't really think too much of it…Stiles said that it's not weird because it helps me sleep."
"Oh…I didn't know…so when you slept here, you didn't really sleep?"
"No, not a lot…but it helps when he's there."
"Well, that's good then!"
Lydia picked up from where she'd left off with the make-up.
"But I guess I see what you mean by not getting it with the tense thing then. But honestly, I think you should try initiating hugging a bit and see if it helps that you're the one actively doing it. Just like you're not tense when Stiles hugs you anymore, so maybe it's just practise."
"Yeah, maybe you're right."
"And if it's a boy-girl thing, then you can just start practising by hugging me." She smiled.
I felt the knot in my stomach untangle.
"Thank you…you're a good friend."
We talked a bit more about boys, because there were a new guy Lydia had her eyes on, and he was coming to the party.
After Lydia was done with my make-up, she declared that it was a masterpiece and told me to go to the mirror to see.
"Oh…wow…I look…"
"You look HOT!"
I really liked it. She had kept her promise to keep it natural, but it seemed like my eyes popped more, and she had put a subtle matte lipstick on me.
Scott went home to change for the party, and I did the same. I was going to wear what I mostly did for parties. Just a long-sleeved shirt where I rolled them up my forearms, and black jeans. Dad knocked on the door.
"Hey…are you getting ready for the party?"
"Yeah, I think I'm almost done."
He stood there looking at me a bit, leaning on the doorway.
"What?" I asked smiling.
"I was just thinking…your mother would be very proud of you."
"Dad- "
"- no let me just say this…not just of the game tonight…but she'd be so proud to see the man you've become. The way you take care of your friends and the way you've taken Sana in. You make me so proud, and I know she'd be too."
I felt my eyes water for a second.
"Thanks dad…" I whispered.
"Come here" he said and took me in for a hug.
When we let go, I heard him sniffle.
"You know…you shouldn't forget your part in it…" I said.
He sent me a tight-lipped smile that still reached his eyes and focused on the floor.
"So…will there be drinking at this party?"
I laughed.
"Dad I'm not even 21!"
"I know, and I wasn't born yesterday" He winked at me.
I drove by Scott's house to pick him up and went straight to the party. Scott had made us late, so the party was already in full swing when we arrived. I didn't what to tell him, but I was slightly annoyed, because I was worried Sana was standing somewhere alone not knowing what to do.
But when we got to the house, my worries vanished. Sana was standing next to the pool with a drink in her hand talking to Lydia and a guy from our team. I barely recognised her. She was wearing a green dress with sleeves that cut by her forearms and it reached just above the knee. Her hair was in wavy loose curls and the neckline showed her collarbones.
"You okay there, dude?" Scott asked laughing.
"Wha…?" I didn't even look at him.
"Why don't you go over and talk to her?" Scott asked.
"What? Yeah, sure…are you uhm…are you gonna find Malia?"
"Already spotted her, dude" Scott pointed towards the dance floor.
Malia smiled at him and danced towards him.
I walked over to Sana and Lydia, but before I reached them, Luke from my team went over to Sana and put his hand on the small of her back and leaned in to talk to her. She visually tensed and stepped to the side. A giant tuck churned my stomach, and I walked a bit faster, but Lydia just put her hand out between them and must have said something adequately sarcastic or snide, because he backed of mouthing "sorry".
"Hey, are you fantastic?" I said, soon realising what had just come out of my mouth.
Sana looked confused, as she should be. I closed my eyes for a split second mentally kicking myself.
"Sorry…I meant to ask if you were okay, and also…to say you look…fantastic," I kneaded my neck in awkwardness.
Sana smiled and looked at her feet.
"Yes, I'm okay…and thank you…you look nice too."
Why was this suddenly awkward?
Lydia broke the tension.
"Stiles why don't I go and get you a drink?" She smiled.
Confused I said: "Sure, thanks Lyd."
We stood side by side looking at the party happening around us.
"You were really good at the game," Sana said, still looking forward.
"Thanks, did you have a good time?"
"Yeah…it was fun."
"Were you cold?"
She laughed.
"Yeah, a little, but your dad had a blanket he gave me, so it wasn't too bad…I'm also thankful of Lydia's heating lamps out here."
I looked around and noticed the lamps burning away.
"A bit much maybe, it is California after all," I said realising we were now talking about the weather.
Silence followed.
Sana laughed at something, and when I looked at her questioningly, she pointed towards Scott and Malia. They were dancing wildly around having the time of their lives.
I smiled.
"Do you want to dance?"
She looked surprised.
"Yeah, but I don't think I know how to?"
I smiled and took her hand leading her towards the dancefloor.
"Don't worry, nobody does!"
At first, she stood still looking at me with wide eyes smiling, but after looking around at the other girls, she started swaying a bit. After a while she let at bit more loose and moved her head so her hair swung from side to side. I even saw her close her eyes a couple of times while she smiled and laughed. She seemed so carefree.
After dancing for quite a while, she said she had to go in to find something to drink, and so we both went into the kitchen, where Lydia had set up a little bar. We both went for something non-alcoholic, and then walked into the living room. People were playing beerpong and one of my teammates called me over to play. Before I could say anything, Sana smiled and told me to go play.
I walked over to the table and watched her talking to Lydia.
"Finally got you detached from the girlfriend Stilinski," Bryant said smiling. I knew it was in good fun, but I still answered that she wasn't my girlfriend.
"Just so you know, I heard Luke has his eye on her," Bryant warned.
"Yeah?" I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him that Luke should back off. She wasn't my girlfriend, and if she was interested in someone then she should be allowed to be…right? It still didn't sit right with me, and I missed the first few cups.
Lydia pulled me upstairs because she needed to pee and wanted company.
"So, what did Stiles think of your dress?" She asked.
"He liked it…he said I look fantastic…" I smiled.
"Honestly, I've had a few drinks, so I'm just going to say it. I think you like him that way we talked about. How does it feel when he says things like that?"
I thought for a second.
"Kinda like there's a sun in my stomach," I said.
Lydia squealed.
"Shhh Lydia! I still don't know what it means!" I laughed.
She got up to wash her hands.
"What do you mean? What could it mean besides that you like him?"
"Well…our friendship I kinda complicated. We live together, and…he saved my life…" the last bit came out almost a whisper.
Lydia stopped and looked very serious.
"Do you think it's just because he saved you and you're friends?"
I didn't like the slight worry on her face.
"I don't know…his opinion is very important to me…"
"Okay…Well, I'm gonna give you this advice. Only do what feels right! Then you can't really go wrong."
We went downstairs again and danced with some other girls from school, and before I knew it, it was time to go home.
Stiles came to find me talking to Malia. She seemed to have finally warmed up to me and stood joking about some guy who had thought he could hit on her, but then Scott just sent the guy a smile, and then he backed off. Malia and I stood for a minute looking at Lydia kissing the guy she liked while talking. She told me that Scott was a great kisser, and that not all guys were.
"Hey, are you ready to head home?" Stiles asked.
"Yeah, I'm super tired."
I waved at Malia and went and hugged Lydia goodbye which felt okay.
I almost expected Sana to fall asleep on the drive home, but she was talking more than usual. She told me about how much fun she'd had, and that Lydia had gotten the guy she was apparently into. I told her I didn't even know there was a guy, and Sana told me everything about him. When I parked, she asked if I thought it would be okay to take a shower even though it was late.
"Yeah, dad is working a nightshift anyway, so he won't mind."
Sana got some pyjamas and went to shower.
I must have dozed off because next thing I knew Sana was climbing into bed smelling of flowery shampoo. She'd dried her hair, which surprised me, because I didn't wake up from the hairdryer. I turned to my side, so I was facing her.
"So, I take you had fun tonight?"
"Yeah…a lot of fun…did you?"
Only now did I notice how close she was facing me.
"Yeah…it was fun dancing with you…"
Even though the only light in the room came from the lamppost outside, I could see her face in the warm dim light. She was smiling softly and looking at me.
"I really liked your dress…" I whispered.
"Thank you…" she whispered back.
She still just looked at me. It made my skin tingle.
She tilted her face a little and I felt her breath on my lips. I could feel my heart fasten, and I really wanted to close the gap. It felt like she wanted me to. It felt like forever just laying there breathing together.
Just then my phone started buzzing. It brought me out of the daze, and I thought about letting it ring.
"I should- "
"-Yeah" she whispered.
I reached behind me to get my phone out from under my pillow. The display showed Melissa's number.
"Melissa?"
"Stiles…You have to come to the hospital…it's…it's your dad."
I sat up like a bolt of lightning.
"What happened?"
"Stiles, your dad's been shot. He's on his way into surgery, you should get here as fast as you can." She sounded like she was holding back tears.
I was stunned.
"What…. What happened?"
"Stiles, just…get here…I'll call Scott, but you should get here."
I almost fell out of bed hanging up and frantically grabbing whatever clothes I could find.
"Stiles, what's happening?" Sana asked really worried.
"It's... I can't…" I couldn't find the words.
"Stiles? What happened?"
Sana got up and also started getting dressed. She walked over to me and put her hands on my face so I could focus on her.
"Breathe! What's going on?"
"It's my dad…we have to go," I said voice grainy.
"Okay…okay, let's go!"
On the drive there I could barely get a word out of Stiles, he was mainly focused on the road, and kept checking his phone. I took it from him at said I'd hold it up so he could see it and didn't have to focus on it too much.
When we got to the hospital, Melissa, Scott's mom met us and explained what had happened.
"He's been working on a case for a while, and tonight everything just went wrong. Michelle is…Michelle is gone." That was one of Noah's officers.
"But the others got through with minor injuries, but your dad…he was shot…in the heart. He's in surgery now, and they're doing everything they can."
Stiles sat down with a blank stare.
Scott came running through the door and stopped in front of us.
"What happened?"
Melissa told him, and I sat down next to Stiles. I didn't know what to do.
"He's gonna be okay…Stiles…" I tried.
Stiles just put his head in his hands covering the tears.
I could barely look at him. He was tearing apart inside.
"I promise he's gonna be okay…"
We waited for what felt like hours, until a doctor came out and sat down with us.
"We have done a temporary repair, but…I'm afraid there's not a lot we can do. The only thing we can do from here on is hope. The bullet has torn through his heart and the position it is in now is…very compromising."
"What…What does that mean?" Stiles asked, not understanding.
The doctor looked at Melissa with knitted brows.
"It means…we're going to bring him out of surgery, and you'll…get a chance to say goodbye. I'm so sorry…we've done everything we can."
Stiles got up and paced with his arms hugging his head.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN! I CAN'T LOSE HIM!"
Scott got up to hold him, but Stiles pushed him away.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! I CAN'T…I can't…no, please…please!"
Scott tried again and Stiles collapsed with Scott gently holding him up.
Melissa tried to lead them into the room Noah was in, and Scott almost carried Stiles.
I walked in their heels, and saw Noah laying there with I.V in his arm and blood on a hurriedly closed bandage.
"Dad…no…please…I'm not ready for this…" Stiles kneeled at his side.
Scott stood by his side crying with his hand on Stiles' shoulder.
"Scott! You can give him the bite, right? Then he'll heal?" Stiles asked frantically.
"Stiles…I wish I could, but you know that's…that's not how it works…" Scott sounded like the words were poison in his mouth.
"I can take some of his pain…but that's…that's all…"
I stood there watching this. I could hold it any longer.
"I can help."
Scott looked at me, but Stiles didn't react. I realized I had only whispered it.
I walked over to Noah side and pointed at the siderail.
"Help me take this away"
Scott came over at put the siderail down so I could be directly above Noah.
Stiles got up from his seat and backed away slightly.
"What are you…"
"Please don't hurt me after this," I whispered looking at Scott.
Then I closed my eyes, felt for it and put my hand on Noah's heart.
"Wha…What are you…" Stiles said in a timid voice.
I felt for the light and the tears, and let it go. I pictured Noah standing next to the bike he got me, I pictured him smiling while giving me a blanket, I pictured the good-hearted man who had welcomed me into his home asking for nothing in return, but most of all I pictured his son crying for his life. And when I opened my eyes, I knew they were shining icy blue, and so I whispered as I had many times before:
"Take a piece of mine and give back the stolen time. Please make Hel forgive, I'll take his death so he can live."
The tears fell from my eyes, and I ran my hand across my cheek collecting the ice-blue shining tear and put it on Noah's chest where my other hand had been.
In a matter seconds Noah took in a deep breath, which made Stiles jump to his feet.
Noah opened his eyes slowly and let the breath out again.
I backed away still crying and put my back against the wall.
Noah searched the room with his eyes and grunted a bit reaching for his heart. The room was silent, and Scott and Melissa looked at me with wide eyes.
The next bit was a bit of a blur. Noah started breathing normally, Stiles cried and said thank you to no one in particular, Scott stood looking between me and Noah and Stiles and lastly Melissa just stared at me.
After a few minutes Stiles looked at me at just asked; "How?"
I lifted my shaking bloody hand that was now holding the bullet, saying; "I had to…I couldn't…I had to save him…"
Stiles walked around the bed towards me and embraced me. He kept whispering thank you.
He let go of me and took my face in his hands.
"Thank you…I can't believe…I…I…" He didn't know how to finish the sentences.
Melissa came over and broke the contact.
"I have to ask…is he…okay now? Will he need to recover or…is he completely fine now?"
I searched for the right words.
"I took it…he's okay now and…he will live."
Scott looked stunned.
"You took it? The bullet or…something else?"
I clenched my jaw.
"I gave him a piece of mine and took his death."
I'd never said it out loud like that. Because that's what it meant. At least that's what I'd been told.