It was the last day of the exam cycle before winter break. Kyoya was eating breakfast with his father at the large oak table in the dining room. It really wasn't appetizing, not with the general level of anxiety he had for the upcoming tests. It wasn't like he hadn't prepared or that he didn't know the looming exams were going to be a breeze for him. It was just something that came with the pressure to perform. It made the miso soup, the grilled fish, and natto taste bland and the texture feel off. He didn't take more than three bites of his rice and left the plum.
His father had been silent. He sipped his tea intermittently, eating a little bit of each of the dishes at a time. He wasn't too concerned that his son wasn't eating much. To be fair, Kyoya had always been like that during exam cycles. He missed many meals when he was facing testing anxiety, finding solace in small snacks that wouldn't sit too heavy in his stomach. He found that having small portions between his tests was the most effective way to keep nausea and hunger at bay.
After the cycle was over, Kyoya would return to a normal eating schedule Though, he didn't know how true that would hold up this time. Kyoya hadn't been eating very much after Kaoru's attack, but then again nothing had been the same since. Kaoru and Kyoya almost completely stopped texting and Kyoya let the space between them settle without much complaint. It was for the best anyhow. Unfortunately, the silence between them kept Kyoya's stomach aching from guilt and yearning for Kaoru. It didn't leave room for much else, even less for the food that tasted off and felt as heavy as lead.
"What exams do you have today?" Yoshio asked, trying for small talk.
"Physics and Anatomy."
"You'll be out early, I assume?"
"Yes, sir." Kyoya forced himself to take a bite of the piece of fish hovering in front of his lips. He chewed it thoughtfully working on an answer as he waited for his father to ask about his winter break plans. He swallowed with effort.
"I've heard Tamaki-kun was planning a weekend to an onsen over New Years' weekend."
"Indeed, the whole club is invited."
"I didn't imagine you'd be interested in going," Yoshio's gaze moved from his tea to Kyoya, "especially since everyone will be here for New Year's."
Honestly, Kyoya didn't want to spend his New Year's with his family. It might have been tradition to celebrate a couple days before New Year's, but this year tradition could kiss Kyoya's ass. He could only deal with his siblings for so long, especially once the alcohol was poured. Akito was the worst followed closely by Fuyumi. And she only had a lower place on the list then due to the fact that her husband could carry her instead of Kyoya.
"I thought I'd change it up this year."
Yoshio huffed, not very pleased with Kyoya's answer. "You're an adult, now. So I suppose you are old enough to make these kinds of decisions."
Kyoya bit the inside of his cheek. This was just one of the many times that Yoshio had said something along those lines. He was purposely giving Kyoya more lead on his leash and not letting Kyoya forget it. It pissed Kyoya off being reminded that his movements were only free because his father allowed it. Yuuichi was right about their father giving Kyoya more freedom, but like everything else there were strings attached.
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The coffee shop was fairly busy, but not packed. It allowed Hikaru and Kaoru some privacy as they spoke in the large booth. Hikaru had gotten a drink that sounded way too sugary to be to Kaoru's taste and with two extra shots of espresso. Kaoru joked that Hikaru was going to have an aneurysm after drinking it, Hikaru gave him a look with a poorly concealed smile.
Their exams were over and they didn't have to stay at school all day that day. Basically only showing up for attendance purposes and splitting as soon as they could. It meant a free day to do whatever they wanted. Usually, it meant playing co-op online, maybe inviting Tamaki, Hani- and Mori-senpai to play with them. Hani-senpai was the trump card of all trump cards. He sounded like a middle schooler and meant that most players would completely blow him off and underestimate him. Unfortunately for them, Hani-senpai was just as good at virtual combat as he was in real-life with his martial arts.
However, the twins decided to go out instead of playing games. They still needed to have that conversation before they began making excuses. Hikaru had questioned if a public space was a great place to talk, but Kaoru assured him it'd be okay. Afterall, Kaoru felt that with the pressure to keep himself together in public might help stay coherent and calm. Though, there was the possibility he could completely fall apart and begin to cry. It might be humiliating, but it still wouldn't be the most embarrassing thing to happen to him.
They settled as Kaoru nursed his caramel latte. Hikaru was eager to listen yet tried to reign himself back. Kaoru could see him stealing glances up from his phone, being extremely obvious as usual. It tamped down the rising anxiety in Kaoru's chest. His brother was trying hard to be a good listener and that alone made Kaoru feel warm on the inside. The sharp points of dread were being worn down and made into dull, fuzzy things. It was also the fact that Hikaru wasn't being obnoxious. Kaoru knew he was persistent and could easily bury him with the numerous questions he most certainly had. Then again, Hikaru was being patient and allowing Kaoru the space to find his words. For that, the younger twin was grateful.
It was about when Hikaru and Kaoru were three-quarters into their drinks when Kaoru finally spoke up.
"Do you remember in junior high," Kaoru formulated the question slowly, "When you found me on the ground during gym?"
Hikaru's eyes found his instantly, "Of course, how could I forget that?"
"So, I lied about not remembering what happened."
The truth was when Hikaru found his brother lying dazed in a puddle of puke, Kaoru pretended that he had fallen unconscious, fell on his face, and threw up in that order. Kaoru was hoping in his naive mind that maybe he could slide by with the poor excuse, but it landed him in the hospital. The school doctors were concerned about something being seriously wrong, especially since they believed him to vomit while being unconscious. They immediately sent him to the nearby private hospital for tests.
Kaoru remembered being absolutely mortified. He didn't want it to go this far, especially since he had lied about what happened. He was taking up people's time and valuable resources just to check on a phantom condition.
Kaoru could tell that the head doctor treating him at the hospital knew he was lying. Though, the doctor never directly pushed for an answer. Kaoru remembered he came in after a couple hours and sat down next to the bed. He had a strange look on his face, somewhere between humor, exhaustion, and pity.
"I don't believe you had a seizure," The doctor commented. "It's quite rare to vomit during one. Not to mention, the test we ran all came back normal."
Kaoru tried to hide the nervousness he felt as the doctor prodded for the truth. "That's a relief," he mumbled.
"If anything, you might have lost consciousness due to dehydration. It's a much more likely scenario considering the heat and the fact you were in gym class, correct?"
Kaoru nodded.
The doctor sighed, removing his glasses to wipe his eyes. "You do show signs of mild dehydration, but I wouldn't have predicted such a drastic array of signs and symptoms at your current state."
Kaoru swallowed, his throat clicking dryly. He never answered the doctor after that, he refused to.
Eventually, the doctor gave up trying to get answers out of him. The silence wasn't enough to push Kaoru to retell what happened. In fact, Kaoru actively tried to avoid it. Thinking about it brought the full onslaught of emotions he experienced as if he were going through it again. He could avoid it in his waking hours by keeping himself busy, however once he let his guard fall to drift into slumber, that's when the memory's shadow fell over him. The following month he lost a lot of sleep over it. The first couple of nights he shook with the ghosting touches on his shoulders and the knife at his throat. He had a hard time falling asleep and when he finally did, the four guys were waiting for him. Sometimes it was a play by play of what had occured, other times his mind twisted their faces into goulish demons that shredded his clothes and skinned him alive.
Hikaru was a heavy sleeper, but with the amount of tossing and turning, not to mention yelping, coming from his brother there was no way he could stay asleep. Hikaru was really worried. Everyone was. Kaoru's parents tried to sit him down to get answers, but Kaoru put on a tired smile. Just a few bad dreams, he told them, I don't know why they're happening. I don't know why they're making me so restless.
He could feel his mother's strain. She knew she smothered them too much sometimes. She wasn't overly touchy, but the way she showed her love for her boys was sometimes overwhelming. She knew something was haunting her younger son, and she hated that she had to keep the distance for his sake. It tore Kaoru up with guilt knowing she and his father wanted to help him. He wished to reach out to them, but what happened that day weighed too heavily on him. He needed to bury it deep. He needed to bury everything related to it deep, deep, deep inside himself. It's the only way to push past what happened, otherwise he'd have to tell the story, the whole story.
He was fairly certain that he could work himself up to talking about what happened. He could talk about the four guys, how they nearly smashed his face in and cut his throat. What he couldn't bring himself to talk about was why it happened. He could never open himself up to his family about how he kissed a boy in the janitor's closet at school. How he liked it, how it immediately backfired and led to him getting roughed up. Homosexuality is more than taboo, and for him to come out in that way, essentially forced to, Kaoru could never.
There was also the fear of rejection from his family. Kaoru wasn't deaf to his brother's snide comments nor did he ignore the jokes he made about certain boys in their class. It was almost like a game to see who could say the worst to someone else. Little did Hikaru know that those jokes could have been aimed at his own brother. He knew his mother worked with other designers and clients who were gay. However, he had never actually heard his mother's view on the matter. For all Kaoru knew, she was only being professional, staying out of others' personal lives while secretly harboring disapproval. Or it may the scenario where she may have no issue with it until her son turned out to be gay. Kaoru didn't want to know what his father thought.
Things were different now.
Kaoru sighed and looked into his latte. The words to describe his emotions didn't come easily. "I-I . . . I don't know how to start."
"Start from the beginning?" Hikaru suggested lamely, stating it as if it were that obvious and easy.
"I don't know, if we were to start from the very beginning we'd be here for hours."
"I have hours, Kaoru, for you."
Kaoru looked then to see a very determined Hikaru. To be honest, Kaoru felt the tears prick in his eyes, touched by the sentiment. He blinked them away and a smile curled his lips.
"I think I'll begin when I had suspicions of liking boys."
"I thought you'd start with Kyoya, but go off. I'm obviously clueless."
Kaoru snorted at the choice of words. He was fully aware that Hikaru began to do some snooping into the LGBT+ communities online. Hikaru had begun to use a lot more of the English slang he learned from the very prominent English-speaking community whenever he spoke. That alone was funny enough, however this was the first time Kaoru had heard a Japanese translation done so flawlessly.
"It'll be easier to understand with context," Kaoru explained.
"Do what you want."
Kaoru grinned at the response.
Kaoru delved into the very first and clear memories he had of his attraction. It was admittedly young when he began to realize something was different. He didn't have a tendency to act like Hikaru did, but considering how close they were, their behaviors blended seamlessly. Hikaru had some parts of Kaoru and vice versa. What stood out was Hikaru's tendency to act strangely around girls, in Kaoru's opinion (at that age, of course). Hikaru became pretty flustered and pushed them away not really knowing how to deal with the crushes he was forming. Kaoru, on the other hand, felt absolutely nothing like that. He didn't really pay any attention to the girls and if he didn't completely ignore them, he was pushing them away in annoyance.
With the mention of crushes, Kaoru delved into how his family and friends described crushes and the 'messing around' teenagers had. It was always directed towards heterosexual behaviors and Kaoru never related. He had never experienced heterosexual attraction. Even upon retroflection when his older self looked back to the times he was feeling the effects of a crush, they didn't feel like the ones described to him. From what he understood, crushes were about constantly daydreaming about people, getting nervous around them, and being a hormonal and horny teen doing equal hormonal and horny things. However, Kaoru couldn't afford to act like that around his peers. His crushes were brief, but intense flashes of emotion when his eye caught on a certain feature of his crush. Their eyes, their smile, their laugh. Outside of those brief moments was like a spell broke and he had to catch himself before anyone else saw.
He knew now that he had to act so differently than how he wanted to respond. A lot of his crushes had to be repressed to keep them hidden which often meant completely ignoring the beginnings of one. If you were to ask Kaoru back then about it, he would outright deny it. He would deny that whole part of himself even existed. Therefore, he wasn't able to feel what a crush was supposed to feel like. Maybe that was why Kyoya was so special to him, Kaoru mused. He was the crush that slipped through the barriers and he couldn't stop from engulfing him wholly.
When he started middle school, Kaoru met Kida. He was a quiet kid in the same year as the twins. Despite being somewhat shy, he was known to have a mean streak. When Kaoru started to hear rumors about Kida and his supposed attraction towards boys, Kaoru sought him out for information. Kida, at first, denied the accusations. Though Kaoru was able to convince him that he wasn't going to hurt him or tell anybody, Kaoru was just curious himself. That's when, in that cramped janitor's closet, Kida asked for a kiss as proof. It was a pretty bold move in Kaoru's opinion. However, it was an opportunity he wasn't going to pass up.
The kiss was a little awkward. It was Kaoru's first, therefore it wasn't like he knew what to do other than press his lips against another's. Kida guided him gently. Despite being a little shorter than Kaoru, Kida placed his hands on Kaoru's hips and Kaoru placed his on Kida's shoulders. When they pulled their heads back from the chaste kiss, they both had vibrant blushes on their faces.
"So you were being truthful?" Kida whispered.
Kaoru could feel the breath on his lips. He turned his head away feeling very vulnerable. The red on his cheeks intensified. "Yeah, I was."
Kida took Kaoru's chin and went in for another kiss.
Kaoru definitely liked this. He let his arms snake around Kida's neck and the other middle schooler pressed in closer. Kaoru was breathless and his pulse raced in his ears. It felt good. This was closer to what he was told it'd feel like. It wasn't going to be until a few years later that he'd actually kiss a girl and be able to compare the two. It was then, when he realized he didn't like kissing girls as much as he liked kissing boys, but at that point the damage of what was to happen next had already been done.
"Ew." Hikaru shivered. "You kissed Kida."
Kaoru rolled his eyes, "It wasn't like I had the biggest pool of bachelors to work with in middle school."
Hikaru huffed a laugh, but stayed silent as Kaoru continued.
It was hard to talk about what happened with the four high schoolers outside the bathrooms. Predictably, Hikaru got very upset. Even with it being expected, it felt as if the anger was directed towards Kaoru. He just had to keep reminding himself that the anger was not meant for him. It was meant for the pieces of shit that hurt him (in Hikaru's words).
"Did you ever find out who they were?"
Kaoru shook his head. He never wanted to pursue them. Even after what they did to him, he never wanted revenge or punishment or really anything. He wanted to be left alone and never see those guys again.
"Kaoru," Hikaru chided. "You just let them go?"
"What was I supposed to do? Grab one and take them to the principal's office?" Kaoru countered.
"You're right, but why didn't you say something?! What they did to you was beyond fucked." Hikaru hissed before dropping his voice down to a whisper. "They threatened to- to- . . ."Hikaru struggled to repeat what Kaoru said, how they wanted to hurt him where it inflicted the most amount of damage in the most amount of ways.
Kaoru looked back down at his now empty cup. His eyebrows knitted together and his mouth tilted into a prominent frown. Hikaru reached across the table to the hand sitting limply by the cup.
"It was brutal. You were outnumbered and afraid." Hikaru's voice fell an octave. "You were younger and had everything going against you."
Kaoru nodded in agreement.
"So why do you feel embarrassed? Why do you feel ashamed? I see it."
Kaoru sighed, "I don't know."
Hikaru's eyes searched for something in Kaoru for a long time. Kaoru didn't like close examination. It was strange coming from Hikaru. "I wish I were there so you wouldn't have had to go through that alone."
It might have sounded strange to anyone else, however it meant much more to the twins. Going through hell didn't seem as bad when there was someone there with you. They knew that better than anyone else.
"I wouldn't have wanted you to get hurt."
Hikaru shook his head, "Your pain is my pain."
"Not this time." Kaoru flagged one of the waitresses and asked for a food menu. Once she left for the counter to grab what Kaoru asked for, he turned to Hikaru and clarified, "I don't want it to be your pain."
"Then why bother explaining this to me then? Telling me what happened?"
"Well, you wanted to know and I wanted to tell you. Or maybe because it's beneficial for me to tell someone about this instead of keeping it bottled up inside me?"
Hikaru rolled his eyes at the sarcasm, "Have you told Kyoya?"
"No," Kaoru answered quickly before facing the waitress, menu in hand. He smiled and thanked her. He noticed how she blushed and smiled softly back.
"I'm surprised."
Kaoru looked over the menu for a few moments. All that was offered at the place was bakery items, mostly sweet stuff that never really appealed to Kaoru. Though, he spotted savory options at the bottom. The cheese and spinach brioche looked appetizing.
"I wanted to tell you first," Kaoru admitted.
"I'm still surprised."
"You deserve an explanation. I made you worry, then and now."
Hikaru deflated with a heavy sigh and broke eye contact. "You don't need to think about that. I've been pretty shitty and have only made it worse for you."
"I scared you by lying about what happened," Kaoru argued. "I lied about passing out, I lied about my panic attack, I lied about how I felt."
"Everyone lies. Sometimes the reason is good enough. I don't want you to apologize for lying and I don't want you to feel bad for choosing to stay silent. I won't fault you for doing what you did. I just . . ." Hikaru paused and collapsed further into the booth. "I want to understand because you're my brother."
Hikaru's honesty helped diffuse a little bit of tension between them. While Kaoru was completely aware of Hikaru's motives for asking in the first place, he needed to be reminded that what they were doing wasn't a debate on who was more at fault. Kaoru was quicker to take responsibility for self-perceived wrongdoings when in actuality, he wasn't doing anything wrong. They were both argumentative as well, so Kaoru supposed that it wasn't surprising they would end up bickering about who should have done what in hindsight.
"Then it's a good thing you're here because it's probably the best way to understand." Kaoru had a gleam in his eye and a grin on his lips. "I know I haven't answered all your questions, but to suffice to say that we've been here for hours and I'm hungry."
Kaoru held out the menu to Hikaru who had a dumbstruck look across his face, eyes like a deer in the headlights. "You're leaving me hanging like this?"
Kaoru laughed, feeling even lighter than when he entered the cafe. "I'm tired of talking and the next part's about Kyoya, which you might need to prepare yourself for."
Hikaru blinked the indignation away to have disappointment follow in its wake. "Fine. I didn't want to hear about grumpy ol' Kyoya today anyways."
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The day finished at noon for Kyoya with a collective sigh of relief from his class. The physics exam was as he predicted, boring and a waste of time. Despite physics being one of his favorite classes, he found himself struggling to focus on the exam due to it's obvious questions. Or maybe it was the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about Kaoru. The urge to call him was a constant thought pressing up against everything else within him. All of Kyoya's careful work was being thrown out the window of his mind to make room for Kaoru. It would be cold to say he hated thinking like that, but it was true that he shouldn't be focusing so heavily on the Hitachiin. Studies had to come first if he were to want a life, whether with or without Kaoru. It was the first and smallest barrier to get over.
On top of his distracted mind, he was pretty shaky from not eating enough. He needed to get something and yet, with the way his stomach was feeling he knew it wasn't really an option. All he could do was try his best at tampering the tremors and hoping the staff wouldn't report it back to his father. Even though his father was being lax with his control over Kyoya, he was as vigilant as ever in observing Kyoya from afar. Kyoya didn't feel like having another stern lecture from his father about his eating habits.
Kyoya would just have to placate him by eating something in front of him. Tonight's dinner seemed like the best time since he was going to have to eat anyways. His mother was returning from Australia after however many months she was gone. They were going out to eat at a restaurant that she wanted to try. With her return, all of the Ootori's were going to be in attendance. It meant Kyoya wasn't going to be able to skip out on eating so easily. He really would rather retire to his room to work on future club events or possibly FaceTiming Tamaki at some point in the night when he needed a break. However, he had to play nice until the welcome party was over.
Regardless, he had some down time before he had to be ready. His first choice was to call Kaoru. Kyoya wanted to have a conversation with him after so long without it. Though, he didn't know if Kaoru wanted to talk to him. It was an odd feeling to have, being in doubt. Usually Kyoya never minded others ignoring him. He preferred being alone and not being bothered. But Kyoya wanted Kaoru there. He wanted some connection to the younger twin. Missing it was the most peculiar feeling and completely unavoidable with the exam cycle out of the way.
While on the way home, he pulled out his phone with the intent of texting Kaoru. However, indecision grew steadily and made him slip it back into the pocket of his slacks. His eyes slipped shut once he realized that for the foreseeable future he was going to struggle with trying to reach out. He pinched the bridge of his nose and moped over how horribly inadequate he was. There had to be divine intervention before he could find it within himself to text Kaoru without feeling too needy, pushy, nosey, or otherwise. His hope was Kaoru would text him and make the first move so Kyoya wouldn't have to mull over whether or not he was doing what he was supposed to be doing as a friend or . . . whatever else Kaoru wanted him to be.
Inside the Ootori mansion was fairly quiet. Though, when passing through the halls towards his room, he could hear his mother in the kitchen humming to herself. He decided to see what she was doing. He found her bent over the counter writing down something on the notepad that always took a spot on the island. She seemed at ease, but a little tired looking by the shadows under her eyes. Her dark hair was pulled into a low bun as carefully as her makeup was applied. In fact, Kyoya had never seen her with a hair out of place. She was always so well maintained on top of having extreme amounts of social grace and charisma. No wonder his father had married her.
She looked over her reading glasses when he came into view. She smiled, "Kyoya-kun, welcome home."
"I think I should be the one saying that." He mirrored her polite smile. "Welcome home."
"How was your last day of exams?"
"Good."
She finished whatever she had started on the notepad and once she was done, she gave Kyoya her full attention. Tucking her glasses into the pocket of her suit jacket she asked, "What's happened since I've been gone?"
Kyoya shrugged, "The usual. Though, Yuuichi has stopped by more often."
A small frown tugged at her features briefly before it switched to another easy smile. "What about you, besides your exams? How's Tamaki-kun and the host club?"
"Tamaki is fine. The most recent club event was a few weeks ago. We did a cafe theme."
"Oh, that sounds fun!" She answered, Kyoya almost believed she was being genuine. Not to say his mother didn't care, but she was great at supplying false niceties for the sake of small talk.
Suddenly, it dawned on him that his father might have spoken with her about Kaoru. She wasn't being as forthcoming, if it were the case. Kyoya concluded that Yoshio hadn't told his wife about Kyoya's 'friend.' In a very offhand decision, Kyoya decided now was the time to tell her. He ran through a list of possible scenarios in how he should proceed with asking her indirectly about how much she knew. Another set of scenarios were generated on how he should tell her if she didn't know and what her reaction might be.
"Have you spoken to father about me recently?" He tried.
His mother grabbed her large carry-on bag off the floor and began digging through it. "We talk about you often. A good amount of our conversations revolve around our children."
"Has he mentioned anything about me specifically? Anything surprising?"
"Well, he said something about you being late to the gala a few months ago," His mother paused and placed a finger to her chin thought, "and everything else has been about how excellent your grades were. I wouldn't say I was surprised to hear that . . ."
Kyoya took her response as proof she hadn't heard about Kaoru. He began to think about why his father had kept silent on the matter, not knowing whether to take it as a good or bad thing. He set aside those thoughts for later and focused on trying to get his mouth to form the words he wanted to say correctly. It was then he really felt the shakiness in his body. He was annoyed for being so nervous about this.
"Are you sure?" Kyoya asked leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms.
His mother gave him an amused look. "Do you have something to tell me, Kyoya-kun?"
"I'm gay."
At first, she didn't react. Almost like she was either waiting for something to follow afterwards or she was still processing the information. However, a stranger expression crossed her face, one that was more analytical and directly aimed at Kyoya. He realized she was trying to figure out how he wanted her to respond.
"You don't have to respond." He said, a little laughter coat tailing on his words. "If you do want to, I'd rather have your honesty anyways."
"I'm glad you told me." She was very serious. "Your father knows?"
Kyoya nodded.
His mother sighed and gave up on looking for whatever was in her bag. "He didn't say anything to me. I'll speak with him after dinner about it."
Kyoya still wasn't sure how to gage her response. Though, he was glad she was being honest with him. "You don't have to talk to him."
His mother turned to him and put both of her hands on Kyoya's cheeks. It was the most amount of contact they had shared since Kyoya was a young child. The touch wasn't exactly unwelcome, but it was strange to the point of being slightly uncomfortable. He held still, however, wanting to hear what his mother was going to say.
"I want to," She affirmed looking up to her rather tall son. "All your father has to say about you is your grades and the host club. For the former, I don't expect them to change. You've always been bright. As for the latter, your father has always disagreed with me. I've found the club to be a very good influence on you while he thought otherwise. Even after all that's happened, he still holds doubts about it.
"I think what you've told me now is much more important than your grades or the club." She rubbed her thumb across his cheek.
Kyoya couldn't speak. It was equal parts relieving and terrifying to have his mother act in such a manner. He was so used to her professional demeanor that when she did try to connect with him emotionally, it felt almost wrong or too good to be true.
After a moment, he gently grabbed her wrists and brought her hands down from his face. "Thank you."
"So, who's the lucky young man?"
She was joking, he knew. He had an answer regardless.
"Hitachiin Kaoru."
Her eyebrows met her hairline. "Hitachiin? One of the twins? In the club?"
Kyoya nodded.
His mother took another moment to process what Kyoya had said. She was probably more surprised by the answer than she was about him coming out.
"Well, I can only say that Hitachiin Yuzuha-san must be thrilled." His mother gave him a grin.
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Kaoru had decided to go to bed early. It really wasn't going to bed, more so laying down with his eyes closed and his headphones on with the music turned up all the way. Hikaru sat at his desk on the other side of their room on his laptop. Kaoru wasn't sure what he was doing, but he enjoyed being able to relax on his own.
He let his mind wander while the music ebbed and flowed from his attention. He wasn't surprised that his mind dwelled on thoughts about Kyoya. Kaoru knew he should say something to him. It had been almost a month since his panic attack and he hadn't bothered to tell Kyoya he was okay. The regret was bitter on his tongue, however he was still embarrassed to face him.
His hand wiped over his face angrily. He shouldn't let his pride get in the way of communicating with Kyoya. It wasn't right to treat Kyoya as he was. They were going to have to speak sooner or later anyways. He often wondered why Kyoya hadn't said anything either. Kaoru knew it was Kyoya letting him have space. Kaoru appreciated the distancing, especially the week following his panic attack. However, he was missing the bastard and being too much of a coward to reach out to him.
He covered his eyes with his arm and tried to push his dark-haired senpai out of his mind's eye.
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Eventually, the end of the school year had come at last. However, for the host club it meant that two more members would be graduating. While a multitude of rumors flooded the school as to what the future of the host club would be since the King himself would be leaving so soon. They were trying to keep the celebratory mood as they did for Mori-senpai and Hani-senpai the previous year. Though, what would become of the host club became a heavy question weighing in their hearts.
On graduation day, Tamaki and Kyoya were dressed in caps and gowns for pictures before the ceremony. Their respective family and friends stood in a pretty large group around the two taking as many photos as possible. Of those who attended the ceremony were Tamaki's father (he had to come anyways as chairman), Tamaki's grandmother, and a few of their staff. Kyoya's father couldn't come as he was in Las Vegas for a business conference, however Kyoya's mother had come with Fuyumi and her husband, as well as Yuuichi and his wife. Akito was taken onto the trip to Vegas in a surprising turn of events. Then, there was Ranka who came to support Haruhi (but really he was seeing off Kyoya), the twins, Hani-senpai and Mori-senpai, and some of their respective staff. Renge took up the rear dabbing tears away with her handkerchief and Kasanoda stood awkwardly beside her.
A lot of photos were taken with different combinations of people. Haruhi and the twins being the main photographers. Though, Ranka and the twins took it upon themselves to pose the graduates and whoever was in the picture with them. First, it was just Tamaki and Kyoya. Next, it was Tamaki's Family, then Kyoya's family. Lastly, it was the host club taking another group picture similar to last year's photo at Mori-senpai's and Hani-senpai's graduation. However, more individual picture-taking happened with cell phones among the literal crowd that Tamaki and Kyoya seemed to make for themselves. Kaoru sneakily took a few with just him and Kyoya while the others were not paying attention.
"I can't believe it, gentlemen!" Tamaki exclaimed, "We're already at graduation!"
"I'm so happy for you, Tama-chan and Kyo-chan!" Hani-senpai hugged the two.
"Congratulations." Mori put simply.
"I made sure to have a cake scheduled to deliver for your graduation party." Hani said. He sounded excited.
"Thank you, Hani-senpai." Kyoya said. "From the both of us."
Tamaki nodded and put an arm around Kyoya's shoulders.
Indeed, this was going to be a joint graduation party, just as Hani and Mori-senpai's was last year. The two announced it a few months back that they would be sharing the celebration at the Suoh estate.
"The party is going to be awesome." Hikaru and Kaoru grinned in unison. The twins jumped ahold of the opportunity to plan the party a few months back when they overheard Tamaki and Kyoya discussing their party. Though, having the twins in charge of anything made the rest of the hosts uneasy not knowing what to expect.
However, it really surprised the other hosts how great the twins were at being serious planners. Karou knew their hard work paid off when Kyoya actually complimented how well they handled things. They delegated each of the members besides Kyoya and Tamaki a task and went from there overseeing the preparations from start to finish. The twins had put Mori-senpai on set-up, Hani-senpai on cake and food, the twins themselves decorated, and Haruhi made out the invitations. The only thing they couldn't really control was that Suoh-san and Ootori-san wanted some of their business partners to be invited to the party. Though, the whole day was scheduled so that once all the stuffy, rich people (as Haruhi called them) left, then it would be only close friends left to have some fun.
"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves." Tamaki put his hands up. "We still have to get through the ceremony without crying!"
"Well, if you do," Haruhi said, pulling a travel-size tissue pack out of her purse, "I have some tissues for you. Here, take some."
Of course, Tamaki started crying. Kaoru knew this must have been possibly an inside joke between them, he smiled.
Hikaru, Kaoru, and Hani-senpai hugged the pair, making sure to soothe Tamaki. Haruhi, who got caught in the middle, was being squeezed a bit too tightly and Tamaki was desperately trying to pull himself together again. Then, mori wrapped his long arms around the outside of the group only to add to the pressure.
After three more squeezes by Mori, the group was let go. Of course, they were all smiling like idiots. Then, everyone broke off into smaller groups and began conversing to fill the time before the ceremony started. Hikaru actually left Kaoru on his own to stand with Haruhi and Tamaki. Though, Kyoya did come up to Kaoru once the spot was vacated.
"Congratulations." Kaoru murmured, still sporting a stupidly large smile.
"Thank you." Kyoya smirked.
They were silent and watched as everyone else milled around excitedly. Kaoru looked up to Kyoya and saw him looking down at Kaoru. They both blushed, Kyoya's nearly undetectable and Kaoru looking like a tomato.
They had finally reconnected after Kaoru's panic attack, some weeks after, during winter break. The two continued to keep that precarious distance between them, even though they both struggled with doing that. Kyoya's father was still watching, they knew. Kyoya had actually told Kaoru that Yoshio made an effort to ask about the Hitachiin every so often. It was enough to set Kaoru on edge unlike Kyoya who found it somewhat amusing. Kaoru didn't understand why it was so funny to him because it scared Kaoru shitless.
On the other hand, their friends seemed curious about the two of them. Kaoru and Kyoya had once spent so much time together back during the fall term, then suddenly stopped for an odd month or so before going back to 'normal.' It was very suspicious and neither of them bothered to try and explain their behavior. Little did their friends know Kaoru and Kyoya made daily FaceTime calls and texted each other a ridiculous amount after reconnecting over break, just without the blatant flirting. Hikaru was the only one who was in the loop and he had been very good about not slipping up about Kyoya and Kaoru's relationship. He also stopped with the outbursts and overall childish behavior. Kaoru was more than grateful.
Overall, Kaoru thought it was nice to have that distance between them again. He could easily let his body make all the decisions for him, leaving his mind in the dust. The time he had now to move away from the physicality a relationship brought allowed him to sit down and sort through his feelings without Kyoya being a distraction. As much as Kyoya was helpful, he also was the source of all Kaoru's late night fantasies and emotional tension. It wasn't Kyoya's fault, but sometimes Kaoru couldn't go to him for advice. He was still Kaoru's crush. Having a serious conversation with each other might be too uncomfortable or strenuous on their relationship, so Kaoru began going to Hani-senpai surprisingly enough. Hani-senpai had quite a bit of advice to offer. Though, Hani never asked Kaoru who the mysterious crush Kaoru spoke about was. Again, Kaoru was more than grateful.
Kyoya's phone buzzed, interrupting the small moment he and Kaoru shared. He pulled it out of his front pocket of his pants. Kaoru watched Kyoya's eyes sweeping back and forth as he quickly read the text message.
"Kaoru, could you do something for me?"
Kaoru cocked his brow giving Kyoya a curious look.
"Can you keep Tamaki distracted for a few minutes?"
"Well, yeah?"
"Thank you." Kyoya's smirk grew wider as he went off towards the entrance of the building. Kaoru watched as his open gown drifted behind him like a cape as he left.
Alright, Operation: Distract Tamaki.
Kaoru's mind swept through a long list of plans meant to distract. A few of those were specific to Tamaki. He weighed his options quickly choosing the best one approaching Hikaru from behind as he was still talking with Haruhi and Tamaki. Kaoru tapped Hikaru on the shoulder and whispered, "Distract Tamaki."
Hikaru instantly slid over the left to let Kaoru have some room in the group and shifted the conversation easily.
"So, Tamaki, does baldness run in your family?" Hikaru grinned.
"What?!" Tamaki reached forward dramatically and grabbed Hiakru's shoulders while Kaoru and Haruhi made eye contact over Tamaki's form. Kaoru was grinning like a Hitachiin would while Haruhi looked unimpressed and almost deadpan, clearly realizing the twins' plans.
Tamaki babbled about how his father, the chairman, had a full head of hair even at his age and how even his mother's side of the family had been blessed with beautiful blond hair like his own. How dare Hikaru even question it since the King of the host club still had such great hair. Was he actually balding? Wait, Hikaru, stop laughing and look! Look at Tamaki's head and make sure he isn't balding! It would mean disaster if he did. Oh, God! He can't be a true host with unsightly bald spots!
Hikaru pointed out how offensive it would be for a bald person to hear that.
Kaoru was having a staring contest with Haruhi behind Tamaki's back as he was bent over Hikaru still panicking about baldness. She kept her look of disappointment while Kaoru beamed at his great work. However, something caught Haruhi's eye and she focused on the commotion going on behind Kaoru. Her face morphed into pure surprise with comically widened eyes and mouth shaped like an 'o.' Kaoru couldn't tell if it was a good or bad surprise from Haruhi alone. So, he turned to see for himself. He saw Kyoya standing next to a beautiful woman. Kaoru instantly knew who she was without ever seeing a recent photo of her.
Kaoru heard Hikaru stop laughing. He probably had noticed the spectacle as well. Yet, Tamaki continued talking completely oblivious to who had arrived for him. Eventually, the silence in the room grew so much that Tamaki noticed. When his head turned and he saw the woman standing so near yet so far away, he stilled like a statue.
The woman, Anne-Sophie de Grantaine, was dressed in a beautiful light blue, A-line dress with large, white daisies. Her wavy hair was pulled into a loose bun that spilled out on the sides. On her ears were simple diamond stud earrings that matched a bracelet on her wrist. Her cheeks had the lightest dusting of pink and long eyelashes to match. She had gotten so sick before she was treated at the Ootori's, losing a lot of her energy and looking so frail. Thankfully, Anne-sophie seemed to be responding to the treatments, her health continuing to improve so much so that she could fly out to see her son for his graduation.
"René?" The woman called.
There was a fraction of a second in which the club could see Tamaki's eyes filling with tears and a delightfully surprised look passed across his face. He was in front of his mother in seconds wrapping his arms around her. She had a similar look of joy and accepted him into her arms fully. They stayed like that for a few moments while everyone else watched the heartfelt scene unfold. Renge took a few photos of the moment.
This wasn't Tamaki and his mother's first time meeting since his grandmother had forced Tamaki to live in Japan and never see his mother again. Kyoya had worked on the rueful, old woman to reverse her decision. Eventually, Shizue Suoh did reverse her decision, albeit little by little, thanks to Kyoya. Though, unbeknownst to Shizue, Kyoya found Anne-Sophie long before his confrontation with her and thankfully, he was able to work around the old hag in case she didn't change her mind. Afterall, Anne-Sophie was invited to stay in an Ootori hospital and get treatment through the Ootori group for lupus many months prior. Kyoya would have allowed Tamaki to visit his mother while she was there even if Shizue forbade it. Of course, it would be in complete secrecy. However, the timing wasn't right and Kyoya was only able to get Tamaki to the airport just as Tamaki's mother was flying back to France. It was only five minutes, but Tamaki was nothing but grateful.
Tamaki had been under the impression that he wouldn't see her until after graduation when he would stay in France for a few months while her things were being packed up bit by bit and sent to the main Suoh estate. His things were going to be moved as well as since he was allowed to live in the main estate after his grandmother's reversal. Normally, he would stay home for the move, but he didn't want to miss out on spending time with his mother.
Tamaki pulled back from the hug and began to speak rapid fire French to her. Kaoru, who only knew rudimentary French, was reeling after hearing Tamaki. Anne-Sophie kept a warm smile and nodded at the appropriate moments. After Tamaki stopped speaking, she cradled his face in her hands and gave him the brightest smile. Kaoru saw that Tamaki definitely took the illuminating smile after his mother.
"Félicitations," She congratulated then said in Japanese, "I'm proud of you."
"Merci, merci beaucoup." Tamaki hugged her again. "I'm so happy you were able to come."
"I'm happy too."
Kyoya stood to the side of the two. Kaoru saw the small smile that graced his lips as he watched. He looked a bit out of place which was new for Kyoya. Nevertheless, he stood straight and proud. Kaoru felt the butterflies in his stomach seeing him smile.
Tamaki then turned to Kyoya and grabbed his shoulders. Kyoya wasn't phased anymore by Tamaki's touchiness. He simply wavered a bit with the force.
"You?" It was soft and filled with doubt, but so much love. Kaoru was sure Tamaki was going to start sobbing and bowing down to him in gratitude.
"You're welcome for your graduation present." Kyoya didn't sound in any way sincere. However, Tamaki still pulled him into a hug. Kyoya grinned into Tamaki's shoulder.
Tamaki eventually took a step back from Kyoya. He took his mother's hand and escorted her to the auditorium where the graduation was being held. Suoh-san popped out of nowhere and joined the pair. It was probably the happiest Kaoru had seen the man.
Kaoru heard Hani-senpai sigh happily, "I love happy families."
Mori-senpai grunted and nodded. "Very happy."
The rest of the group stayed and talked for a few more minutes until an announcement was made over the school's PA system stating the ceremony was starting in ten minutes. All the graduates that were in the lobby outside of the auditorium left their families to get ready for the ceremony.
Hikaru stepped to Kaoru when Kyoya drifted off with the rest of his classmates. He gave a curt nod followed by a wink. Kaoru was pleasantly surprised to see Hikaru go to Haruhi next. She stood alone and still amongst the throngs of people moving to the auditorium. Kaoru considered her for a moment. By the end of the first term of their second year, Haruhi had come out as a girl. It was something he had never thought he would say just because Haruhi's situation was quite unusual. She still dressed in the boys' uniform and for the most part kept her hair short. However, she did let it grow out a little past the tips of her ears. It gave off a boyish and playful look that suited her.
Hikaru linked arms with Haruhi. She smirked and walked with Hikaru into the auditorium. Hani-senpai and Mori-senpai were next to walk through the tall French-style double doors. Hani-senpai looked back to Kaoru with a concerned yet curious look. Mori-senpai sensed the blonde's hesitation and followed his gaze. Kaoru quickly caught up to them with a sheepish smile.