AN: I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm not quite sure I kept Robert in character in this one. Please do leave a review if you are with me and reading this story. I adore reading them - good and critical - they keep me writing and make me a better writer. Cobert love to you all.
Chapter 31 – Late August 1889
Cora takes a delicate bite from the triangular sandwich in her hand. In truth, she was starving, but she knew even with the safety of numbers, and the distractions of the church bazaar someone would be watching her and it only took one person to mention it to Lady Grantham and she would be lectured for the next week on the proper way to digest her food.
She was enjoying the church bazaar. Which surprised her given that it had led to her least successful week as Lady Downton in the week preceding it. Lady Grantham had been more acerbic than ever, shutting down every one of her thoughts and opinions on the catering or the layout of the stalls or the games to organise for the children. It seemed her ideas were either 'too American' or 'not practical'. She had continued to give her full attention, and learn as much as possible. That was the only way she was going to better and she had to get better. She owed Robert that. She loved him, and she must be a good Countess for him one day, and Lady Grantham was the best and quickest way to achieve that. She felt it was of even more importance now though, as another month had passed them by without the beginnings of a pregnancy. Whilst she was waiting for that, it would be wise to take as much time as possible to begin to perfect the role of Countess.
There was one point about today that she had actively fought against Lady Grantham's determination and scathing looks. She would speak to the people of the village, willingly and openly. She refused to simply exchange pleasantries about the weather or general comments about the upcoming harvest or the bazaar. She wanted to interact with them, to learn their names and for them to know hers. Robert spoke of so many of them by name, with an understanding of their families and their livelihoods. She might not be able to understand the farming, but she could ask about their health, dreams, children and thoughts for village life and local events.
"I've been pleased to see you're defying your orders and mingling with the people Cora, very good." She jumps, the sandwich almost tumbling to the grass as Robert's grandmother comes to stand beside her with a small laugh.
"I'm sure I'll be in trouble for it later."
"Well, you won't be tonight because I'm staying for dinner and Violet would never dream of being rude to you with me there." Cora didn't doubt the truth in that. As much as Lady Grantham frustrated her on occasion, she hoped that they would have a better relationship in the future than Robert's mother and grandmother had, they didn't get along at all. Rosamund stood up to her mother it was true, but Mary put Lady Grantham on edge in a way Cora couldn't understand.
"Why don't you get along with Lady Grantham? I know you're very different people, but that doesn't always lead to such a frosty relationship." Cora would never have posed the question to Lady Grantham, but Mary was more open and easier to talk to about personal things. Maybe it was her age, nearing the end of one's life maybe made one reflect on it more.
"The irony is our relationship started much like hers with you. But I think you have far greater chance of success with yours than we ever had with ours."
"Why?"
"Because despite what she thinks at the moment, she will come to realise that your marriage to Robert is the best thing that could have ever happened to him. I never thought that Violet was the best thing to happen to Patrick. I always felt I had let him down in allowing that choice and eventually I was proved right." It was clear there was a story there, something about the past, that was hidden from view. The way Mary states the words suggests it was a secret destined to stay that way. "You'll understand when you have children Cora, nothing matters in the world but them being happy."
"I think Lord Grantham is happy though? Maybe their marriage is not bound by the love that bound yours, or like what I feel for Robert, but I think they like each other, and that is worth something, surely?" Cora knew it was, having seen Isabella so recently, she knew that even without love, marriage could be manageable or it could be horrible. Isabella had a horrible marriage and she knew Lord and lady Grantham did not have that, they got along well enough, and as far as she was aware neither of them were currently having an extramarital relationship.
"Oh, he is happy, and I would never ruin that for him. But he is also deluded and not in possession of all the facts. Violet let him down, she almost let herself down, and I won't ever forgive her for how close she came to hurting him so terribly." Cora doesn't say anything; no more information would be forthcoming and she didn't want to know. Lady Grantham was a woman that she didn't doubt would be interfering in her life for many decades, if she knew too much about her it would only put further strain on their relationship. Ignorance was bliss. She does have a question about Lord Grantham though.
"Does he love her?" Mary turns a questioning gaze on her before biting her lip and looking at the floor. The idea had been burning in Cora's mind since that strange conversation with Lord Grantham from a few months back. There was something about it, that suggested he was in love with his wife but had no idea how to admit it, or had chosen never to say so because he knew she did not feel the same. Maybe that was what Mary was eluding to? Maybe Lady Grantham had had a love affair in the past?
"You're very perceptive Cora. More perceptive than either Robert, Rosamund or Violet."
"None of them know?" Cora found it hard to believe Lady Grantham did not know, she was so astute about everything, how could she not know? That Robert was oblivious to it did not surprise her – there were some things, certain nuances that went straight over his head. As for Rosamund, Cora thought she had probably spent so much of her time sparring with her mother that what her father was thinking had never been the focus of her attention.
"I don't think so. He might have told Violet I suppose, but I imagine he never has, knowing that she would not return the sentiment."
"How long has he loved her?"
"I first noticed it after Robert was born. He hides it well, most of the time." The conversation falls to a natural lull and Cora finds herself scouring the scene looking for the two people they are talking of. She finds Lord Grantham easily enough, stood with a small group of men from the village, discussing something in great detail by the look of it. Lady Grantham is harder to spot, but she spies her eventually stood over near the trees with a young woman. Cora squints, there was something familiar about her companion. She has to blink twice when her mind connects the dots – it was Lady Evelyn. What on earth was she doing here? "How did you realise Patrick loved her?" Cora has to shake her head and blink slowly to return her thoughts to the conversation she had been having.
"It was something he said to me a few weeks ago and the way he watches her sometimes. Or maybe I am just attuned to it. I know what it feels like to love someone who doesn't love you back. The gazes and looks of longing are all too familiar to me."
"Perhaps. But it is different for you Cora. You're a woman, love gives you strength. For men like Patrick and Robert love is something they are scared of, it makes them feel weaker. They don't like the idea of being at the mercy of their emotions. Patrick's took him by surprise and he never knew what to do about it, and now it's too late." Her heart was fluttering with nerves. Was Mary trying to guide her gently and carefully into thinking about the notion of Robert never being able to fall in love with her and that she should give it up now?
"Surely it is never too late for love?"
"Oh, Cora dear, you are naïve sometimes. It is too late when that person has taken your heart and ripped it into shreds countless times." Cora turns her gaze back to the distance, trying to shake aware her fears for the future. It was clear that Mary was trying to suggest that Robert was not likely to fall for her and that maybe she needed to start to practice the self-control that Lord Grantham has mastered. He really did hide it well, she had lived in the house for almost a year now and she had only suspected anything in the last few weeks.
Her gaze falls on Lady Evelyn again, the nerves rumble in her stomach again. She was still stood in a huddle with Lady Grantham, her hands softly placed on her stomach. Cora swallows, her reason for attendance was suddenly obvious, it looked as if Lady Evelyn might already be pregnant and no doubt Lady Grantham had found out and intended to parade the woman she would have much rather had as the future Countess of Grantham in front of her.
"Did Robert ever love Evelyn?" She doesn't know why she asks, maybe it was because she was watching Rosamund greet Evelyn warmly. Maybe it was watching the three of them all laugh together, so easy in each other's company. She knows she shouldn't be jealous, she and Rosamund got on well enough, but she doubted Lady Grantham would ever prefer her to Lady Evelyn.
"Maybe once, but I doubt he would define it as love. He probably didn't recognise it as that and maybe it wasn't, it was probably more of a crush than love. Not that it matters, he hasn't loved her for some time now, if he ever did, and he never will, not now."
"How do you know?" Mary tilts her head to the side, assessing her. She narrows her gaze slightly, as if searching for something specific. She doesn't seem to be able to find it and shrugs her shoulders.
"He's my grandson. I've known him all his life." Cora relaxes a little, Robert had said much the same months ago before their wedding. He was cross with Evelyn, she had betrayed him and as far as he had been concerned then that was the end of it. But there would always be the worry Cora thought, that if she failed, if she proved herself to be as hopeless as Lady Grantham seemed to sometimes think her, that maybe Robert would drift back to the woman he had once admired very much. Would she be able to let him go if that happened? She didn't know, but it was a good incentive to redouble her efforts, in both gaining his affection and taking Lady Grantham's lessons seriously.
She glances around the bazaar, it was time to socialise and distribute her smiles and pleasantries. As if the world is watching her, and listening to her prayers, she spies someone she recognises – the young girl she had spotted as she had exited the church on her wedding day – Sybil. She excuses herself from Mary and after acquiring some sweets from the stall representing the newly arrived village sweet shop, she heads towards the young girl.
Her hair is arranged in the same pigtails it had been at the wedding. She's a little taller, another six months of growth behind her and she is running about on the grass with two young boys, one of them older than her, and the other younger. Cora recalls how shy the young girl had been last time, hiding behind her mother's skirts, and glances around to see if she can see Sybil's mother. She finds her quickly enough, she is watching her daughter from a short distance away, stood with another woman (possibly the mother of the two boys). She continues to move forwards towards the children. She almost bails, unsure whether it would be wise to just approach a young girl who would certainly not recall her, when the youngest boy tumbles onto the grass a few feet from her, his unlaced shoelace having tripped him. She instinctively moves forwards quickly and crouches down.
"Are you all right little man?" One arm goes across his small shoulders, patting his back gently as he returns to a sitting position, already quizzically looking at his lace. His face glances upwards suddenly and his eyes widen, the shock of seeing an unfamiliar face. He merely nods a sharp little nod and starts to look around – possibly for his mother? Sybil and the other young boy are already moving in their direction. The boy reaches them first.
"You all right Arthur?" The little boy – Arthur – nods up at his brother.
"Might I tie your shoelace for you Arthur, so you can return to your game?" His wide eyes swivel back to her and then back to his brother for reassurance. The older boy gives his brother a reassuring pat on the head.
"It's all right Arthur. This lady lives at the big house here, you can let her help you."
"I do. My name is Cora. I'll even give you a sweetie." She holds out the paper bag to Arthur, whose eyes widen with joy. He shoves his hand greedily into the bag and extracts a yellow sweet. Cora then turns her attention towards the older boy. "And what is your name young man?"
"Johnathan, or Johnny, for short, milady."
"Well, I'm very pleased to meet you Johnny. Why don't you take a sweet as well whilst I tie this lace." Cora passes the sweet bag to him and then begins to tie little Arthur's shoelace. She's almost finished when a shadow falls over their grouping, the two mothers' having now joined them.
"I'm very sorry m'lady, you shouldn't be doing that." She glances up as she finishes tying the lace into the face of the boys' mother.
"Not at all, Mrs – "
"Fletcher m'lady." Cora stands, taking the sweet bag that Johnny is handing back to her.
"Delighted to meet you and your sons Mrs Fletcher." She turns to the other woman, Sybil's mother, who is now clutching her daughter in her arms. "I'm afraid we met at my wedding, and I remember that this little girl is Sybil, but I don't know your name Mrs – "
"Jones m'lady."
"Well, Mrs Jones, Mrs Fletcher, I hope you and your families are all enjoying your day?"
"Very much m'lady."
"And what about you Sybil?" She tilts her face so she can meet the little girl's gaze where she tries to hide against her mother's shoulder. "Are you having fun?" Her mother mutters for her to answer Lady Downton and reluctantly Sybil adjusts her position. She nods gently, before glancing back to her mother to see if this satisfied the request her mother had made of her. "Well I am pleased. Perhaps Johnny could tell me what this game is all about that you were running around playing?" She turns back to the eldest boy who seems to beam at the idea of being singled out.
"It was just a simple game of chase m'lady. You have to try and catch each other."
"I see. My brother and I used to play something like that I think." Indeed, she had memories of being chased around the gardens of their various homes by her brother. "Perhaps little Sybil might have a sweet as well and then you can all return to your game now that Arthur has his lace back in place. I'm sure you don't want to be held up by me." She offers the sweet bag to Sybil who takes one eagerly, a bright smile lighting up her face. She doesn't need her mother to gently prompt her with her manners. Just before she puts the sweet in her mouth her small brown eyes meet Cora's.
"Thank you."
"I hope you boys have said thank you to Lady Downton?" Mrs Fletcher glances between her two sons and they enthusiastically say thank you. Cora smiles, children and parenting were the same the world over. Children liked treats and parents scolded about manners. How shocked these children would be to learn that she was still admonished for her manners now.
"My pleasure. I expect to see all three of your joining in with the games later." Sybil runs after the others as her mother returns her to the ground. She speaks for a few more moments with the two mothers before turning her attention to another family not too far away and distributing more sweets.
She found she could learn an awful lot about the families living in the area by interacting with the children. The parents always quickly appeared to check their children weren't misbehaving in her presence and she could easily introduce herself and find out their names, where they lived on the estate and their occupations.
The children also felt like a much safer means by which to interact, since with them she was free from judgement. They did not ask questions and they did not judge her behaviour or her accent, nor did they have preconceived ideas about what she might be like. Children, on the whole, had not developed the character traits of jealousy, spitefulness or prejudice.
The bazaar was always a little bit trying. Robert had always attributed this to the combination of the local people and the wider local gentry and friends invited by his parents. The combination was always awkward, one never knew who to speak to first, and he always thought it distracted from the point of the day which was celebrating the village and raising money for the church. This bazaar though was on a new level, it was torture.
It had started with his father abandoning him with one of the tenant farmers who was agitated about something to do with his rent. Following that, Rosamund had been making her usual teasing remarks about how he needed to put a smile on his face because no day went on forever. Then, the big moment had occurred – Lady Evelyn had appeared. Robert had watched in horror as his mother had gone to greet her and Philip and his parents. Robert shouldn't have been surprised Lady Shackleton was such a firm favourite of his mother's, of course they had been invited. He should not have overlooked it.
It had sent him into a fit of terror that he had been unable to shake ever since. He had never answered Evelyn's letter and she had sent another, which he had similarly burnt without replying. It wasn't that he didn't know what to reply – he knew what he wanted to say – but he just couldn't find the words to convey it. There was hardly a convention for turning down requests from married women to be their lovers at some unspecified date in the future.
Thankfully, after expressing his distress to Rosamund she had dispatched herself to keep Evelyn as far from him as possible and thus far he had not had to speak to her. He doubted she would allow the entire afternoon to pass without speaking to him though, but he hoped in this crowded environment she would not be stupid enough to bring up such a topic. He should be safe, for today.
He scans the crowd again so he can place Evelyn (and avoid her), but more specifically to find Cora. He had been watching her a short while ago giving sweets to the local children. She had been talking to various families and he had watched her progress as she moved between the groups. Laughing with some of the parents and crouching to speak to the children. He had known from their wedding day, when she had approached that little girl outside the church, that motherhood would suit her. He doubted there were many things that wouldn't suit Cora. She was so adaptable and resilient.
As he turns his head to scan the gathering again he spots her walking towards him. Their eyes meet and she smiles widely. He walks forward to meet her and she holds out her little brown paper bag of sweets.
"I think there are two left, would you like one?" She tears open the paper and takes one sweet for herself, gently placing it in her mouth with a cheeky smile. He takes the other and does the same. They stand in silence for a moment, each sucking gently on their sweets. It made him feel like a child again when he would sneak down to the kitchens and be given cake and biscuits by Mrs Yardley. In general, much of the time he spent with Cora made him feel like that young boy again – carefree and happy. His troubles were still there, but she seemed to put a blanket over them and allow him to find as much joy as possible. The more days that went by the more he felt that everyone was right, they really could have a very good marriage and a very solid friendship. More than that he was beginning to think that maybe he was right about the idea of developing a more serious attachment to her over a longer period of time. A deep affection and a deep understanding of her so that he could support her as he knew her love would allow her to support him. He might not be able to love her, but surely, he could support her in a similar way?
"I saw you talking to the children."
"You mean bribing them with sweets?" He smiles automatically, he liked it when she was clearly happy and she seemed happy today. If she was making jokes, and smiling, all was good.
"I'm sure it wasn't bribery."
"Then you don't know me at all Robert." She arches her eyebrow at him.
"You're a tease Cora, I'll give you that. But I don't think you deal in bribery."
"Then you best watch out, who knows what I might have planned for you." He leans closer to her and drops his voice. His conversation with Marmaduke coming to the forefront of his mind. He hadn't done anything about that yet, and maybe it was time to. Maybe the time was right to give into her requests regarding their intimacy.
"I don't know. I'm sure most of the ways you can think of to try and bribe me might turn out to be quite enjoyable." She blushes that deep, dark, instant blush that he had been trying to recreate since the day he had first seen it at the flower show.
"I guess you'll have to wait and see." She grins, her confidence returning as she raises her eyebrows cheekily before turning tail and heading back towards the sweet stall. He watches her with a smile on his face as she retreats. Cora was a marvel, there was no other way to describe her. It was time to start trying to deserve her, and to pay her back for her unwavering trust and love.
"Alone at last." Robert jumps, his trance broken. He snaps his head around to her voice.
"Evelyn, is this your tactic these days, sneaking up behind people?" He swallows, the moment was so similar to what had happened at Rosamund's wedding, yet it was also a world away from that. So much had happened since then. They had simply been old friends then, well, old friends with that little extra baggage of emotion that came with a broken, albeit fake, engagement. Now, though they were caught in a trap. Evelyn had trapped them. She had written two letters, she had admitted her feelings in black and white and she had trapped them. She had removed any chance of them having a friendship in the future.
"Only with you. I doubt you would speak to me if I didn't seek you out myself. You even sent your sister to try and keep me away today, but I slipped her net."
"Evelyn – "
"Why do you want to keep me away Robert?" There were numerous possible answers to that question. To protect himself, to avoid having to face her, to protect Cora, to pretend that she hadn't written those letters, to avoid confrontation, the list was almost endless. He says none of them.
"You shouldn't have come today."
"Your mother invited us. It's rude to turn down an invitation." Robert doesn't reply, she would come to the topic eventually he is sure, without his help. He needed the time to think, and work out how to best deliver his blow. The fact remained that she was under the impression that he would agree with her proposal – she had no reason to think she would fail to get what she wanted. "I'm going to assume you read my letters, even if you didn't reply." Her tone is soft and melodic, having lost its clipped edge, it's how he remembers it used to be before she became bitter. Before he had made her bitter.
"Evelyn, that is not a conversation for now."
"Oh I know. I wrote the letter so you knew what the options were. I didn't expect an answer. It's for you to think about."
"That's not what I meant. I meant this is not a conversation to be had in the middle of a garden party."
"No, you're right. It wouldn't be wise to risk being overheard." Robert closes his eyes briefly and purses his lips. He turns to her, to look at her properly for the first time in the conversation. One of her gloved hands rests on her stomach, protecting the baby that Robert knew was beyond. Nobody else would know (unless she had told them), she wasn't showing yet. Her dress is a soft pastel pink colour with a hat to match. Her green eyes are bright against her pale skin and her pink outfit. He can see the excitement behind her eyes, the joy, at them conversing together and their eyes meeting. Evelyn might have lost his respect, but she didn't deserve to be treated badly either. He knew what his decision was and it would be best to tell her now, he was not going to toy with her affections as well. The guilt about Cora's was quite enough to be coping with.
"Why don't we walk in the direction of the folly?" He turns in that direction and she falls into step beside him. They don't talk in the time it takes them to get to the folly. Robert can't think of anything to say, too busy trying to figure out how he is going to achieve this feat. He felt more nervous than he had when he had proposed to Cora. He hated hurting people, and this was going to hurt Evelyn.
"The grounds at Downton have always been so beautiful. I love all the little follies around the estate." He stops at the base of the slope leading up to the folly, the chatter and excitement of the bazaar is now background noise. He finds himself twiddling his thumbs behind his back, still no clear idea of what to say, or how to start, in his head.
"The thing is, I can't do what you ask Evelyn." The silence is atmospheric. He watches her eyebrows furrow, her mouth open and close and then her hand tightens on her dress, the other one scrunching into a fist and then opening again – over and over. He looks at his feet, waiting for her to say something. The skin on the back of his neck feels alive with electricity as the time drags on longer. His heart accelerates and he holds his hands tightly together behind his back. One of his thumbs presses at the soft skin in the curve of the other, pressing harder and harder as the silence grows between them.
"Why not?" Her voice is soft, and broken. She is fighting back tears, that is clear from the look in her eyes, the crack in her voice and the emotion clinging to the two simple words.
"Because it would not be right and it would not be fair."
"Not fair on whom Robert?" Her green eyes flash at him with anger, her fist is firmly clenched now. Robert takes an instinctive step backwards.
"On anyone. We are both married Evelyn, we will both have children. There are other people, and other emotions at stake here." He takes a surreptitious look back towards the garden party, which he can't see from his position, to check nobody is advancing towards them, or obviously watching.
"That has never stopped anyone else, you do know how some of our class carry on?" Her voice is rising.
"As may be the case Evelyn, but just because other people do it, doesn't mean I intend to follow them there."
"So that's it? You're going to throw away a chance of being happy because you're too moral and too good. I should have known; angelic Robert Crawley would have to prove himself to be a cut above the rest of us!" She shakes her head, tears clinging at the edges of her eyes. Her fist clenches and unclenches again. She sniffs away some of her emotion and then glances over his shoulder towards the bazaar. He doesn't follow her gaze, hoping that she was just going to head back to the party and leave him to recover himself. To his surprise she turns back to him, her eyes widening as she blinks away the tears. She doesn't just look at him, she steps towards him and takes one of his hands. "Perhaps you are better than the rest of us, maybe that's why I love you." He closes his eyes. Hearing the words out loud was so much worse than seeing them written on paper. How had he managed to have two women fall in love with him? Why was he in this mess?
When he opens his eyes, she has taken a step closer, his eyes widen. She leans towards him, capturing his left cheek in her right hand, and tilting her lips towards his right cheek where she plants a kiss. The kiss is far too long and lingering for his tastes. As she pulls back he hears the pounding steps of someone running behind him, he turns and inhales a short, sharp breath.
Cora.
He glances quickly back at Evelyn, an evil glint in the corner of her eyes, her smile more of a smirk. He should have kept a better eye on their surroundings, Evelyn had clearly seen Cora approaching and enacted her little scene on purpose. He shakes his head and turns to Cora who is coming to a stop a few feet away, a piece of paper clutched in her hand. He steps towards her. She glances quickly between the two of them before her gaze settles into his.
Her blue eyes are shrouded by tears. She had seen.
"I apologise for interrupting." Her voice is clipped and the harshest he has ever heard it. He wishes the ground would swallow him up. She holds out the piece of paper to him. "It's a telegram from Harold. Daddy has taken a turn for the worst. He asks that we come." Her voice is shaking and the way her accent caresses the endearment 'Daddy' is enough to make his own eyes twitch with the beginnings of tears. The end was here and she was not ready, not at all. Neither was he. They had thought they had more time than this.
"Of course, we shall go and pack and leave straightaway for Liverpool and get the next available passage. I'll go and tell Papa and meet you inside." She starts to cry and he takes a step towards her, his hand reaching out to comfort her, to draw her into his arms and whisper how sorry he is, but she steps back, shaking her head. Her eyes flick back to Evelyn. She turns on her heels and walks briskly in the direction of the house. He knows she is crying, because even from behind he sees her hands reaching up to wipe at her face. He wants nothing more than to follow her immediately, but he had a pending issue to deal with first and time was more of the essence now than ever. He swings his attention back to Evelyn.
"HOW DARE YOU!? You saw her? Didn't you?" He takes an aggressive step towards her and she backs away, her eyes wide with shock and terror. "DIDN'T YOU?" The hand still clutching Cora's telegram stretches towards her as he flaps the paper about. She nods meekly. "I had been trying to turn down your preposterous ideas gently. I had been trying to work out how to break your heart gently Evelyn. I had been trying to minimise the blow to you because I thought you deserved that! I thought your feelings deserved that! But you know what? You don't! Not after that. Cora is my wife and she loves me and you have just humiliated her. If you think I would ever betray her for you, you are sorely mistaken. She is a million times the woman you are."
It wasn't how he had wanted it to go, he had wanted to be nicer, but there was no going back now and maybe this would finally make Evelyn reason that this was the end. He did not live in a world where there were any alternatives to his marriage, even if she did.
"You never did love me, did you?" Her voice is clogged with tears. He closes his eyes and bites his lip, slowly shaking his head from side to side.
"I'm sorry." When he opens his eyes again she is nodding and wiping the remains of her tears from her face. He never had loved Evelyn, not as anything more than a family acquaintance and a friend he had ganged up against Rosamund with. He probably would have married her, if she hadn't hurt him so terribly, and maybe they would have been happy to a certain extent. But he had not loved her, not like she loved him.