"Alarms will ring for eternity
The waves will break every chain on me
My bones will bleach
My flesh will flee
So help my lifeless frame to breathe
And God knows I'm not dying but I breathe now
And God knows it's the only way to heal now
With all the blood I lost with you
It drowns the love I thought I knew."
'My Blood' – Ellie Goulding
Jamie had been gone for over an hour. Something just didn't feel right.
Draco pulled on his shoes quickly, intent on going to check on her and Severus. He all but ran toward the dungeons, unable to shake the panicked feeling rising in his chest. Something was wrong, he could feel it.
"Severus—" Draco burst into the man's private quarters without knocking. Severus looked up from where he sat at his small table, a sandwich and a glass of firewhisky before him. It seemed so absurd in that moment: Severus Snape, the most formidable man he had ever known, was a midnight snacker.
"Where's Jamie?" He blurted out. That grabbed her godfather's attention right away.
"I would assume she would be with you, she's not at HQ, I know that for a fact," he said, standing up and grabbing his wand.
"Potter walked in on us and flipped out, she was so upset she left to come talk to you, but she's been gone for a while and I have a bad feeling about all of this," Draco explained, already turning to start running out the door.
"Where's Zabini?!" Severus snarled, running alongside him. Their only hope was the Room of Requirement, otherwise…well, they didn't want to think about that.
"Whoa—where's the fire?" A voice called out as they barreled down the hallway. Hermione Granger, dressed in her pajamas, doing her Prefect rounds for any party stragglers.
"Jamie! Danger! Help!" Draco called out breathlessly, too panicked to reconsider involving the know-it-all. They needed all the help they could get in order to protect Jamie.
"Hi Blaise," Jamie said, startling the boy as he walked toward the Room of Requirement. "I heard you've been looking for me."
Blaise turned slowly, his eyes flashing in a mixture of surprise and predatory excitement. Jamie looked a mess, still in her party dress, barefoot, mascara streaked down her face.
"What do you mean, Professor Shacklebolt?"
She watched his fingers twitched around his wand. She kept her own grip on her wand loose. Jamie kept telling herself this had to happen. It was the only way. She had to let everything else go.
"I overheard Professor Snape and Draco talking, they said you need to get me alone to—"
"PROFESSOR SHACKLEBOLT!" An urgent voice cried out. Jamie and Blaise both whirled around to see Hermione Granger running toward them. Blaise immediately curled his lip, slowly moving his hand behind his back, concealing his wand.
"Hermione?" Jamie was confused.
"Professor Shacklebolt, I need your help!" Hermione was panting, her eyes wide and frantic. "I've been doing my rounds and I found three underage Ravenclaw girls, they smuggled a whole bottle of Goblin Moonshine and they're dangerously sick with alcohol poisoning, I need help right now!"
"Oh—"
"You have to come with me right now!" Hermione snatched at Jamie's wrist, holding it so tightly Jamie could feel it vibrate her bone, threatening to snap it. Hermione started pulling on her, trying desperately to move her in the opposite direction back down the hallway.
"O-Okay," Jamie was flustered. Blaise was slowly backing away, looking suspicious.
"What was it you thought I wanted, Professor?" Blaise's voice was low, lethal. Jamie realized she now needed to lie. Quickly.
"I assumed it has to do with your recent performance in class, Blaise," Jamie chocked out. "Y-you've missed two essays and failed the last quiz. That's unlike you."
"I've been under a lot of pressure lately," Blaise said ambiguously, his eyes narrowed.
"Your sixth year can be hard, I've been wanting to check in on you," Jamie replied as Hermione tugged her away. "Why don't you see me after we return from break?"
"Okay, Professor Shacklebolt," Blaise's voice drifted as Hermione hauled her down the corridor. "Whatever you think is best."
"What the bloody hell were you doing?" Hermione hissed at her, tugging her down the other corridor. She had angry tears in her eyes, her face was beat red, and she kept glancing behind them as she marched Jamie away from Blaise.
"I—"
"We'd like to know the same thing," Severus' voice cut in. They had rounded a bend to see both Severus and Draco standing there looking absolutely frightening, their anger was palpable.
"We heard and saw everything," Draco told her, his voice cruel. His eyes were nearly black, they looked so menacing and angry. "What the fuck happened to where you actively approached Blaise? Jamie, do you realize what could have happened?"
"You're lucky we had Miss Granger with us to interrupt you," Severus snarled. "Had it just been Draco and I, we would not have been able to save face. We would have had to duel, possibly to the death, in order to protect our cover from the Dark Lord."
Jamie flinched.
"No…she didn't think we would catch her in time," Draco's voice nearly broke her as he slowly realized. Her boyfriend looked completely betrayed as her silence told him everything he needed to know. "She was trying to give herself over to him."
"Jamie?" Hermione's voice was tentative, scared. The poor girl didn't even know the whole story, just that Blaise was dangerous and Jamie had sought him out.
Something inside of Jamie felt as if it were shattering. Everything had been so good, and in one night it had all crashed to a complete a halt. Her lips wobbled and she choked out a desperate sob before she turned and flung herself into Hermione's arms, sobbing so hard she thought her lungs would burst right out of her chest.
"J-Jamie, it-it's okay," Hermione was frozen with confusion as the older girl, the professor and the resident badass leader of The Order of the Phoenix cried into her shoulder like a little girl. However, Hermione Granger was no coward, nor was she a bad friend. In a matter of minutes, her arms had circled around Jamie protectively as she cast her own fierce glare at both Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy.
"She's clearly been through a lot tonight, the least you can do is not scream at her," Hermione snarled, her amber eyes menacing. Both men flinched slightly, their anger dissipating as the girl they both loved more than anything fell apart so devastatingly in front of them.
"Come, Jamie, I'll take you back to your room," Hermione said, still keeping a protective arm around her. She narrowed her eyes at Severus and Draco. "She's had enough confrontation for the night. I have it from here, the both of you can talk to her in the morning. I'll stay with her."
Hermione didn't even wait for them to answer, she was telling them, not asking. She led Jamie toward her quarters, extremely concerned for the young woman. Hermione hadn't been able to gather much. Draco had basically hurled explanations over his shoulder as they had run toward the Room of Requirement.
Blaise Zabini was dangerous and would take Jamie to You-Know-Who, which would mean Jamie would surely be tortured and killed.
They had seen Jamie at a distancing, already turning the corridor, and just as they had called out to her, they had heard her speak to Blaise.
"Go, you have to get her out of there, you're our only hope," Draco had shoved at her. "Make up any excuse, just get her away quickly! Hurry Granger, please!"
It had really sounded like Jamie was just handing herself over, and Draco and Professor Snape had both seemed to believe such. Such an emotional reaction from Jamie also seemed to be confirming their suspicions. But Jamie didn't understand, why would Jamie do that?
It took a bit of effort to ease Jamie into pajamas and let Hermione wash her face. Jamie sat by the fireplace, shivering despite the fire, holding a cup of tea as she stared blankly into the flames.
"Professor Trelawney told me the truth about the prophecy tonight," Jamie said at last, her voice hoarse and quiet. "She thought Professor Dumbledore had told me the whole truth."
Hermione was silent, eyes widening as she slowly sank into the chair she had begun to rise from, processing what Jamie was saying.
"I have to die in order for Harry to beat Voldemort," Jamie said, her eyes glassy and eerie, the flames reflected within them. "Lily's protection lives within me, stronger than it was in Harry, her sacrifice is basically being fueled by my lifesource."
"I-I don't understand Jamie, why would you have to die?"
"B-because a piece of Voldemort lives inside of Harry," Jamie's voice was devastated, her eyes welling up with tears once again. "In order to destroy it so that Harry can beat Him, H-Harry to die…and so I have to die so that can happen."
"What."
"Professor Dumbledore said it's the only way," Jamie shrugged, tears rolling down her face. "And I believe him." Her voice cracked. "But he said Harry will come back to life and will have the chance to beat him."
"But not you?"
"Not unless I can find a loophole out of it," Jamie said. "Or there won't be any coming back for me this time."
"This time…not like before," Hermione asked quietly. Jamie had never wanted to talk about what happened with Neville or at the ministry last year. "When you came back to life."
"Have you ever heard the Tale of The Three Brothers, Hermione?"
Hermione had been silent for a long while after Jamie had told her everything she knew surrounding her lineage, the prophecy, and horcruxes.
Jamie didn't know if it was wise to be telling Hermione everything, unleashing her burden on her brother's best friend, but Hermione was smart. She was strong. Just as Dumbledore had suggested earlier that night, if anyone could find a way out of all of this, it was the Lovegood sisters and Hermione Granger.
"So only you, Professor Dumbledore, and I know the truth now," Hermione said finally. Jamie nodded, her head rest on crossed arms as she let the girl process everything. It was nearly dawn. What a long night it had been.
"Yes."
"What are you going to tell Professor Snape and Draco…or Harry?"
"I can't tell them anything," Jamie sighed. "They'd lock me in a room and never let me out. They wouldn't allow it. They would go mad trying to protect me. I don't…I can't live like that, Hermione, no matter how much time I have left."
"I don't think I can just let you go out like this either, Jamie," Hermione said. Jamie glanced at her, unsure of what she would say next. "You took a chance on me this year. You let me help The Order. You brought me together with Luna and Soleil. I felt like I was making a difference, like I was finally doing what I was meant to do. And, and you trusted me with your secret…Jamie, I may be Harry's best friend, but you've become my friend, too."
"You are my friend, Hermione," Jamie told the girl. "I value you and respect you."
"Exactly, which is why I'm going to help you," Hermione had a determined, emotional look in her eye. "I won't let you die— I refuse it. If you let me, I'll get Luna and Soleil involved, we'll keep it a secret, Jamie. We'll find a way out of this, I swear it."
"Thank you for helping me," Jamie said. "I really hope we can solve this…but Hermione, if there's no way out of this, and things do come to an end…I want you to promise me this: you won't blame yourself."
"I promise," Hermione agreed grudgingly.
"Harry told you what happened, I assume," Jamie said, watching Hermione yawn. She was due to meet Dumbledore, Severus, and Draco in a few hours' time for a pre-planned, unrelated meeting before they split for break. She could only imagine the awkwardness.
"Yes," Hermione sighed. "He was really, really mad. The maddest I've ever seen him, even when Umbridge banned him from Quidditch or called him a liar."
Jamie sighed. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"
"Honestly Jamie, as much as I don't like lying and keeping secrets, what you did was likely the best decision," Hermione frowned thoughtfully. "If it's as dangerous as I assume it is, I don't blame you for not telling anyone. Harry has secrets too, you know. Actually, I think his reaction has to do a lot more with him than it does with you or Draco. Harry's been holding a lot in lately, he's tense, you know exactly what I mean, he's not exactly pleasant to be around."
"He's just a sixteen-year-old boy," Jamie murmured, her heart breaking for her brother. "I try so hard to keep him involved and for him to feel like he's not alone and he has support, but somehow it always seems to go the other way."
"Harry naturally self-isolates," Hermione replied. "But that's why he has us to bring him back around. He will forgive you, Jamie, but first I think he needs to figure out some things by himself."
"Professor Shacklebolt, I wasn't sure if I could expect to see you this morning," Professor Dumbledore was clearly surprised when she showed up twenty minutes early to their meeting, before Severus and Draco arrived. She had left Hermione asleep on her bed, the poor girl had stayed up with Jamie all night trying to sort things out.
"We had an agreement and I will not back out of it, Professor," Jamie sighed. She knew she looked like hell. She had scrubbed her face again before she left and had managed to yank a brush through her hair, which had grown out to frame her shoulders again. It reminded her of when Draco had cut it for her, two summers ago.
Still, her eyes were bruised from lack of sleep and the crying, her face pale and dried out, body slow and weak, as if she could fall apart in any second.
"I've always admired your loyalty," Dumbledore bowed his head, looking…guilty. "I want to apologize for what transpired last night, and for keeping such a big secret from you, Jamie. I want you to know, for what it's worth, I value your life and who you are as a person, and I want more than anything for you to survive all that is coming."
"Thank you," Jamie let her expression softly. She didn't know if she could ever forgive Dumbledore, and she would not speak on it, but she was too closely tied to him to be able to forsake him all together. She was loathed to admit it, but Dumbledore pulled the strings and she often acted as the puppet. Jamie wasn't sure how to ever break from it.
"I tried to hand myself over to Blaise Zabini last night," Jamie told him, watching her words sting at him. "I was ready to finish out the prophecy."
"I don't…Jamie, dear girl, I don't want you to think your life is now invalid," the headmaster protested. "I want you to want to live. I want you to live each second of your life fully. Jamie, I do not want you to just, to just hand yourself over like that…you cannot do things that way, it isn't right."
"But I will have to hand myself over one day, sir, it's what the prophecy has foretold," she replied back.
"That may be so, which is why I wanted you to find a loophole," Dumbledore shot back. "I'm running out of time on my own, Jamie, but I have much I am trying to correct before that time."
"I want to live," Jamie said, her voice breaking. "I really, really want to live."
"So do it," Dumbledore said earnestly, leaning forward, his eyes sparkling with emotion and a ferocity she had never encountered on her behalf. "Live. Seek out another way. Do whatever you have to, but live, Jamie. Live. Fight for your life. It's worth it."
She nodded, looking down at her fingers clenched in her lap.
"Are you going to tell anyone?"
"No," Jamie said. "I told Hermione Granger last night. Severus, Hermione, and Draco got to me before things could go bad with Blaise. I was able to make up a lie and make it seem like an innocent conversation. I ended up telling Hermione everything. She's agreed to help me and want to enlist Luna and Soleil…but Severus and Draco are absolutely betrayed and upset by what they saw. I can't tell them, sir. They'll go mad with worry and trying to protect me…and if it really does come down to my sacrifice, I don't want them to have to carry that guilt."
"I understand," Dumbledore nodded. "I will not speak of it to anyone unless you tell me so."
"Thank you."
The sound of footsteps on the staircase was heard and they straightened, turning to the door, which opened moments later as Severus and Draco entered.
Severus strode quickly to her and she stood, feeling herself yanked into his arms. They clutched each other tightly, she could feel him shaking.
"Do not ever do that to me again," he snarled in her ear and she nodded, tears burning her eyes. "I will not lose you."
"I'm sorry," she said.
Severus released her and she turned to Draco, nervous.
"I'm still furious with you," Draco told her. "I don't know how to forgive you completely yet, but I love you."
"I love you too, and I'm sorry," Jamie felt tears escape her eyes.
"Come here."
Draco's embrace nearly broke her, yet it also felt as if her heart were healing from all of the chaos that had happened last night. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, his eyes closing as he savored the moment, before he let her go, sitting beside her as they all faced Dumbledore.
"Jamie told me she tried to hand herself over last night," Dumbledore said. "She was just about to tell me why."
"Harry walked in on Draco and I last night," Jamie told him. "He was, well, enraged. I tried to calm down, but I wanted to go talk to Severus. I should have stayed in, Draco tried to talk me out of it, and I should have listened. But I went, and I wasn't thinking clearly, and I just felt like everything was falling apart...and then I saw Blaise."
She twisted her fingers in her lap as she lied, but the tears running down her face were very real.
"So, so I followed him. I don't even know what my thought process was, all I could think about was if I found a way to end things once and for all, then I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I was too arrogant and upset, I thought I could kill You-Know-Who somehow and end the war, I just kept thinking I had to find a way to stop all of this."
"You see now, while your intentions were noble, it cannot be done in such a way," Dumbledore said, going along with her lie. "It must be Harry, and unfortunately, despite how talented and strong of a warrior and witch you are, even I do not have faith you can take out the entire Death Eater regime in one night all by yourself."
"Yes, clearly," Jamie clenched her teeth. She glanced at Draco and Severus, who still wore stony expressions. "Can you all accept the fact I wasn't in my right mind and I will never do something like that again?"
"In time, yes," Draco told her as Severus nodded. "I see where you are coming from, I think Severus does, too, but you terrified us last night. We sat up all night beside ourselves worrying about you trying something again. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had...so I think our time apart for Christmas break will help clear the air."
"We love you," Severus told her, eyes glittering.
"Very much," Draco agreed, his expression pained, his voice breaking. "But you really broke our hearts on this one."