Hello! I'm very late because reading back on this story...I kinda hate it lol. I don't like where it started and where it's going so I lost motivation to continue it. I am almost done with the rest of the chapters but yeah. I know it's kinda wonky lol.
Chapter 38
Barry was right on time when he picked up Raphael three hours later.
It took about one hour for Raphael to compose himself. After he was able to calm himself, his emotions shut down and he refused to even think. His mouth was watering at the thought of a drink, his hands trembled, longing to wrap themselves around the neck of a bottle so instead of giving in he shut his mind off and focused on getting ready to see Lilian. Dressed up in a changed version of his Nightwatcher outfit just in case anyone would recognize him, red and grey stripes painted down the front of his torso and back of his shell while his black helmet was replaced with a red one.
Barry picked him up and together they rode in a black car with very tinted windows. Raphael didn't even greet him. They rode together in silence, uncomfortable silence. But there was nothing really to say to each other. It wasn't until they were in the elevator that Barry decided to explain to Raphael just how bad Lillian was.
She was sedated as soon as she left the hospital when she became hysterical, refusing to return home. Barry took her to his father's condo, that way it'd be easier to keep an eye on her while she stayed in her room, safe and surrounded by family.
"I'm thinking about making arrangements to send her to a place for her mental well-being." He told Raphael on the way to the entrance to the condo. Once inside he stopped, "If she's awake, she's going to be groggy. She was sedated before coming here. She didn't want to come. She said you wouldn't want to see her after everything that's happened. She's been out ever since she got here."
Raphael gave a heavy sigh before taking off his helmet.
Barry rested his hand on Raphael's shoulder, "She told me about you proposing. Is it true?"
Raphael chose not to say anything, simply nodding.
"Don't give up on her."
"Never." He growled, a little insulted at the statement.
Barry gave a half-hearted smile, motioning upstairs with his head. "She's in the first room to your right. And thank you."
Raphael entered a dark, warm room. The curtains were drawn, the lights were off which made the room seem bigger than it was. There was nothing but a California King bed and a dress straight across from it. Raphael went over to the dresser, setting his helmet down then unzipping the top half of his bulky biker outfit and setting that down next to his helmet.
Lillian looked so small as she seemingly slept in the middle of the bed, curled up into a ball. Raphael felt a twinge of pain in his chest at the sight of her. She looked like a scared child trying to make themselves smaller as to appear invisible.
When he went to her, gently sitting down next to her body terrified he'd wake her, his eyes widened to see her gold eyes already open. She looked like life was sucked out of her completely. The last of the light in her eye has faded, the glow her tan skin used to radiate had transformed to a dull, sickly almost greenish complexion. Raphael scooted closer to her, gently reaching over to touch her cheek ever so softly.
"Lilly," he called to her, his voice just above a whisper.
Her eyes shifted for a moment, almost like she was wondering if she actually heard his voice. She turned slowly, narrowing her eyes in confusion for a moment at the sight of him. She listened her hands and hesitantly reached out to touch his cheek. When she realized he was actually there and not another hallucination, she gasped. "Raph? You're here?" She said hoarsely, quickly pulling her hand back.
He frowned at her reaction, "Of course, I'm here."
Her stare was as cold as stone, "Why?"
"What do you mean why? Because you're my wife and I love you."
Lilly's eyes glossed over with tears, "I am not your wife."
Raphael was shocked, not at her words, but more at the fact that his heart could still break. Her words felt like a wound had been reopened and she was pouring salt into it. "What are you talking about?" He chuckled, trying to play it off as some sick joke. "Of course you're my wife."
Lilly wiped away tears, "I don't deserve you."
He shook his head, "Don't say that." He rested his hand on her hip. "Why would you think that?"
"Because," her lip trembled. She covered her face, attempting to stifle her soft cries but failing miserably. "I should've listened to you. I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have gone."
Raphael shushed her, calming her before she became hysterical. "Lilly, listen to me," he slowly pulled her hand away from her face. "Look at me," he ordered softly, bringing her hand up to his mouth to kiss her fingers. "You did what you had to do. You told him what you needed to tell him. This is not your fault."
"But I-"
"This is not your fault." He repeated sternly.
Lillian rolled her eyes and scoffed, snatching her hand out of his grip. "This wouldn't have happened if I just would've listened to you. You should hate me."
"Hate you?" He scoffed, kneeling to the ground so he could be eye to eye with her. "Lillian, you and everyone who knows me knows that you could drive a knife through my heart and I'd still love you."
"Love me?" She snapped.
"Yes. I love you."
Lilly looked truly shocked, "You..." she turned her back toward him. "You should go."
"I'm not going anywhere." He stated sternly.
"Be with Mona. Have a family with her. Grow old with her."
Raphael rolled his eyes and groaned in annoyance. "I don't want to be with-" he shifted himself, grabbing her shoulder and forcing her to face him. "You are my family. I want to grow old with you. Why are you even telling me that?"
"I couldn't give you the family you deserve. All because of my pride." Her eyes never connected with his, how could they? She felt so ashamed, the words themselves made her feel embarrassed. "My pride destroyed something that could've been a good thing. I deserve shit."
"Stop that." Raphael snapped. "I don't want to hear that. You don't deserve anything you just went through. You're not the only one mourning. Everyone grieves with you. Especially me. And no one blames you."
"I killed our child! My body did! Because of all the stress!" She screamed. "I was insistent! If I would've-"
"You didn't do anything." Raphael bit back, trying to remain as calm as he could. "You didn't. Luis did and I promise you, I will make sure he pays one day but you can't keep doing this to yourself. After everything he's done, I am not letting him take you away from me."
Pressing her palms into the bed to push herself up, she couldn't help but let out a sob as tears suddenly streamed down her face. "But I-"
Raphael stopped her. "Stop blaming yourself."
"But I was so close..." she whimpered, her fingers touching her lips but nothing was stopping her cries. "I was so close to being a mother and giving you a child. To be with you, to have a family with you, and...it's all gone. It's all gone!"
"It's not gone!" He finally shouted at her angrily. His hands grabbed a hold of the covers, gripping them as hard as he could. How was he going to get through her besides connecting with her on a physical level? He needed to touch her. Show her he was there. "You are my family. My brothers are my family. April, Casey, all my friends, your family, they are all my family. You are my family."
He truly felt like he was at wit's end with trying to convince her that this was something out of her control. Everything has been so overwhelming and the only time he got to truly begin to break down and process everything was that phone call with Barry. That was only for an hour! Now, it was getting so hard to keep it together. To be the pillar of strength Lillian was for him. "I am not living without you again."
She heard the emotion in his voice. He was trying too hard to make her feel loved and nothing was working. She let out another sob, shaking her head. "I just-"
Raphael straightened, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Casey told me before we went out on our date that I was making excuses to not be with you. I stopped making excuses. You don't get to start. I am not letting you go without a fight."
She reached out to touch his hand, jumping when he suddenly grabbed hers with both of his, exposing his tear-filled eyes. His stance was so intense it made her feel the need to clutch her chest. Her heart physically hurt at the sight of his forest-green eyes. "Raph-"
"Stop making excuses based on these ideas that you somehow caused this." He brought her hand again to his mouth to place a hard kiss on her palm. He leaned into her hand, hoping she'd cup his cheek. "I lost so much and I am not about to lose you too."
Lillian hiccuped. She couldn't help but feel the way she felt. If she was being honest with herself, she was excited to see Raphael with her child...with his child. To see him hold them in his arms, to have him protect the child with his life. He'd be such a great father, she thought. To have yet another thing ripped from her, it was like life was reminding her she had no choice! Just like she didn't have a choice but to love Raphael. She'd always love him...
Her thumb wiped a tear away from his cheek and he let out a breath of relief. She felt her heart ache at how quickly he relaxed just by such a small gesture. "I'm sorry..."
Raphael shook his head, "You don't need to apologize. Just..." His voice sounded like a frustrated child, the underlining whine he heard as he spoke made embarrassment bubble in the pit of his stomach. However, his fear of losing her completely was stronger than any shame that threatened him. "...just tell me you want to be with me."
Lillian let out a small laugh, reaching her hands out beckon him to her. He happily wrapped his arms around her waist, holding on to her as tight as he could without causing her discomfort. "Of course I want to be with you." She sobbed, wrapping her arms around his head.
Raphael buried her face into her oversized shirt, letting out a shaky breath. He couldn't let her go, it felt like if he loosened his grip on her frail body she'd leave him alone for good. He couldn't let that happen without a fight. She was his everything. He didn't need a child to be happy with her.
God, he was hurt that he didn't even get a chance to be a father. But if she wasn't there to cry and feel pain with him, what was the point of her coming back into his life, agreeing to talk to him, agreeing to go on a date, and even agreeing to be his wife? Why after all the hurt he caused her and all the time without each other would she still be in love with him if she was just going to leave him alone? He stopped drinking, she forgave him... No. He wasn't going to allow it to end.
He shifted himself, having her scoot over just slightly so he could lay next to her, pressing her against his body.
Even though she smiled, grabbing a hold of his hand and trying her best to lace her fingers with his; though her heart pounded with happiness at the feeling of security, a feeling she hasn't had in so long, as he pressed soft kisses on her neck and shoulder...she couldn't help but feel sad, empty. She cried herself to sleep next to him, happy that he was there but sad that it didn't help. How long was this going to last? For life? Was it another heartbreak that she'd have to live with?
Raphael slept for probably less than an hour, for the most part, he just listened to her breathe against him. He couldn't sleep in pants. After about another hour of listening to her breathe, making sure she wasn't awake, he was able to slip away so he could take off his pants and exit the room to let everyone know she was okay.
Barry, Ian, and Lillian's mother were all chatting about Lillian and what they were going to do with her in the kitchen. Raphael swallowed a growl of anger. Why were they talking about her without her? After everything, they should all know better.
Barry was the first to notice him, "Raphael, how is she?"
Lillian's mother turned, immediately smiling and going to him. "Raphael, it's so nice to see you again." She stated, wrapping her arms around him.
Raphael awkwardly patted her back, "Nice to see you too."
"Barry told me about you and Lillian. You know, you're the only guy I ever approved of. I'm so glad you guys are back together." She chuckled, happily.
Raphael nodded, breaking away from the hug. How could she be happy? He turned to Barry, "Um...not too good. She thinks losing the baby is her fault."
Ian shook his head, "That's what she's been saying ever since she left the hospital."
Barry shook his head, "I blame myself. I should've been more forceful when she insisted on talking to him." Barry, like everyone it seemed, looked like he hadn't slept in days. Well, he hadn't had any sleep whatsoever. Going back and forth to check if Lillian was okay, or if her child was okay, and then checking in with Bishop on the pictures he was able to gather of Raphael and how this was going to affect everything they've worked for. Barry was beyond stressed and tired, but now he was more worried about Lillian's mental well-being.
Raphael felt sorry for him but also wanted to give him an appreciative hug. At the same time, he wished everyone would stop apologizing. "This is no one's fault but Luis's."
Barry sighed, "Speaking of, as you know I had him arrested at the scene. I thought he may have done something to her. He's been released from jail."
"He's what?" Raphael snarled. His mind scrambled to how this could be a possibility to how he was going to get to him and kill him. "What the hell was all this for then?" He growled.
Barry nodded, "I know. We can still file a restraining order on him. And rest assured we will get it." He pulled out his phone from his back pocket. "I want to show everyone something. It was sent to me after all the audio was reviewed. This is when Lillian started experiencing the pains so…hearing her is extremely disturbing but…" he sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Just listen…" he pressed play on the audio file in his phone, turned up the volume, and placed it on the countertop of the island.
Raphael did everything he could to tune Lillian's screams out but he couldn't. Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath to calm any anger that sizzled when he heard what Barry was trying to show him.
"If anything happens to my baby, I'll kill you."
Raphael's eyes widened, "What did he just say?" His eyes darted back and forth from Ian to Barry to see if they matched his anger. "What did he say to her?! While she was in pain? While she was screaming in pain?!"
Ian shook his head, "It made me just as angry, Raphael." He pressed his lips together to form a hard line, suppressing his emotions. If he were younger, he'd be making his way over to Luis's house.
Barry took back his phone, "I'm going to encourage Lillian to file a permanent restraining order against him. With this recording, the judge will grant it. Not to mention, this recording was taken legally. I'll get her a lawyer, I know a good one, and it'll be over with."
Raphael began to shift his weight around, feeling the need to move, to get all the anger out before his head popped off. His entire body felt like it was simmering, he needed to find this guy and kill him. "Nothing is going to stop this guy."
"I understand your anger, Raphael," Barry stated calmly.
Raphael shook his head, "Do you?"
"Yes, I do. We are all angry."
Raphael scoffed in response, "Yeah well, you guys are doing a pretty damn good job at hiding it."
"Because what I'm more worried about is Lillian." Barry shook his head, "Hurting Luis is not going to erase everything that's happened and if you get caught it will only hurt you and her."
Raphael crossed his arms and shrugged, "Then don't get caught."
Barry sighed, "Focus your energy on Lillian. Because we've been talking about her recovery and you have a right to participate in the conversation."
Ian nodded, turning to Raphael. "We think it'd be better for her to go somewhere to recuperate."
Raphael narrowed his eyes for a moment, "Like what? Like rehab?"
Barry rolled his shoulders, "Something like that, yes."
"No." He stated quickly. "She's not going anywhere. She's staying with me."
Ian smiled angrily, "I'm happy you want to be with her, but this isn't about what you want. It's about what's good for Lillian's mental health."
"And I don't know what's good for her?" Raphael snapped. He's never gotten angry at Lillian's family before but this was different. Lillian was his wife now. Every decision that involves her now involves him. At least that's how he saw it.
"I didn't say that. You're putting words in my mouth." Ian growled.
"I think, what's good for Lillian, is that everyone stops treating her like she's a child." He said, glaring daggers at everyone. "She's not here to decide for herself. She deserves that much."
"Yeah well," Ian straightened, his tone pointed. "She's not in the right mindset to make decisions for herself."
"Then I'll do it. No." Raphael took a step towards Ian, was he really about to fight him? Raphael had a lot of pent-up fury still in his chest so he wasn't so sure he'd be able to restrain himself for very long.
"What makes you think you're qualified to make decisions for her?" Ian growled. "You're the one who broke her heart in the first place and you two just got back together. What's stopping you from leaving her again?"
Raphael opened his mouth to answer with a smart-ass remark, stopping only to look at Barry as if for permission. Barry gave him a small nod, before pinching the bridge of his nose in stress. "Because she's my wife."
Ian let out a sarcastic laugh, shaking his head. "No, she's not."
Raphael stayed silent, an unamused smile on his face.
"She couldn't. You guys can't get married. What church is going to approve?" Ian scoffed.
Lillian's mother sighed, "Lillian never believed in marriage like that, Ian. With her father, I would just call him my husband even though we were never married."
Ian shook his head, "No, I don't-"
"Ian, you did get married at city hall, not the church. Isn't Chris an atheist?" Barry asked.
Ian continued to shake his head, "But you've barely been in her life! What, now you want to marry her? Call her your wife? Girlfriend is one thing, wife...?" Ian gave another airy laugh, "No."
"You were okay when they were in high school? I'm confused at your sudden change in attitude." Barry stated, raising a brow in suspicion. "You were even supportive of them getting back together!
"It's wasn't..." Ian let out an exasperated sigh. "But marriage is so..." he shrugged. "...permanent."
Raphael's eyes widened for a split second before he nodded when he finally understood. Ian never fully approved, he wanted Lillian to always have an exit plan. Boyfriend and girlfriend do not say 'forever' whereas marriage cemented Raphael into Lillian's life till death. Ian's support was conditional.
Raphael smiled at the group, "I said what I said. She's staying with me." He purposely ignored Ian's comment.
Barry frowned, "I understand why you want to be with her. But she may need professional help for a while."
That may be true, Raphael had to admit. But leaving her alone? It may have been selfish but he wanted her close to him. Nobody would hurt her, touch her, make her upset or sad if he was by her side. He'd make sure of that. He would protect her. But could he give her the help that she needed?
After a moment in thought, Raphael reluctantly sighed. "I'll ask her. Even if you guys think she can't make a decision like this, I still think she deserves a say."
Barry nodded, smiling softly at Raphael's decision. Unlike Ian, Barry was completely okay with him and Lillian being together forever. Love is found in odd places, even if it seemed very quick and extremely odd.
Barry covered his mouth and yawned, stretching his arms out. "Tomorrow we'll tell Lillian everything and see what she has to say. As of right now, I have to get at least an hour of sleep." He looked at his watch and scoffed. "I haven't slept in like 25 hours so if you could excuse me." Barry went over to Lillian's mother, "Let's go, sweetheart." He yawned again, taking her hand.
Before she left with him she reached her hand out to grab Raphael's, "I'm glad you two are together again. I know you love her."
Raphael nodded before watching them go. After they left, he turned on his heel and headed back towards Lillian's room without another word to Ian. Disrespectful? Maybe. Did he care? Not really...
When he entered the room, Lillian's eyes fluttered awake at the sound of the door. He promptly shushed her, "Go back to sleep."
She yawned, "I've been awake since you left." She scooted away from the edge and towards the middle of the bed, patting right next to her. "Come..."
Raphael was quick to listen to her, gathering her in his arms and kissing her head softly. His heart fluttered when she sighed and pressed her back to his chest.
"You guys were talking about me..." she whispered. It wasn't a question, she knew.
"Barry and Ian think you need extra help." He sighed. "Your mom too."
"You?"
"I told them you should get a say in what you want to do." He admitted, leaving out the fact that he wanted her to stay with him to not sway her decision.
Lillian turned to face him, blinking back tears. Instead of saying anything right away, she just kissed his chin and rested her face against his chest. She was thinking... What Raphael was doing at this moment meant more to her than he could ever know. Her parents and Ian had already decided to send her away for help. On one hand, it made sense but it was not the decision she wanted to make. Raphael was letting her make the decision. Giving back her right to choose what she wanted. Not taking it away and making one for her.
She let her power be taken away from her out of fear. She had to accept the marriage proposal from Luis because if she hadn't, he'd be cruel. The nights she'd say no and then was forced to say yes to not undergo any stress in the morning. The pregnancy was entirely base on the lie that it was an accident and not a part of some plan to trap and control her. No, she didn't get to decide then!
Listening to his heartbeat, she shut her eyes at the memory of Raphael reaching out to touch her stomach.
"But if you want to be with me, then I want to be with you... All of you."
Lillian sighed heavily, "Raph..."
Raphael waited for her to continue, giving her a small "Hmm?" when she was silent for too long.
"I want to know what you want." She said.
He looked down at her and searched for something in her eyes, a glimmer of hope or a sign that she was coming back to him. In the pit of his chest, he felt her hanging on to what he was going to say. He brushed the hair out of her face, "I'm by your side no matter."
Lillian shut her eyes and smiled, genuinely. He was still not telling her what he wanted, he still giving her all the power. It felt like a relief… So, that was all that she needed.
Resting her head back on his chest, she sighed and relaxed in his arms. "Then, there's nothing I want more than to be with you."
Raphael felt himself get choked up once again. This time, he controlled his emotions by burying his nose in her hair and letting her scent lull him to sleep.
~The next afternoon~
She looked so frail, so small and so unbelievably broken. She had her hair carelessly wrapped into a loose bun, a strand of brown sticking out in every direction. She was dressed in her pajamas, she didn't feel like changing. For what? Getting out of bed felt like coming out of a pool with winter clothes on, so heavy... Why was she here again? What was there to say that she didn't already know?
Wrapped in a blanket, she sat on the sofa, staring out of the gigantic window wishing it was open so that she could just run and jump and this whole ordeal would just be over. What was stopping her? Raphael... She didn't want to leave him. But being alive was so hard...
"I have some things to go over," Barry said softly, staring at Lillian and waiting for her to show a sign that she was listening. "I think we need to focus our attention on you, sweetheart."
Lillian continued to stare blankly outside, it looked like it was going to rain. The sky was grey...
"I want you to know everything you're feeling is okay."
Lillian rolled her eyes.
"It is." Barry insisted. "It's going to be a long and hard process. But you're not alone."
She felt a comforting hand on her shoulder, she immediately grabbed it. Her anchor seemed to always be there when she needed it. She rested her head on his hand. "I'm tired, Barry."
"We understand, Lil-"
"No, you don't." She snapped. "I am tired. I'm sore. I don't want to talk about it. This intervention was for nothing."
"Lillian, this is not an intervention." Barry sighed.
It was late in the afternoon, she had been in bed all day when Barry had called her down to the living room. Ian, her mother, and even April, who could barely keep it together the moment she saw her, were all waiting for her. Raphael never left her side, even if she was just sleeping. She felt bombarded at the sight of everyone and all she wanted to do was yell at them all to leave her alone. But she bit her tongue as hard as she could, keeping her anger deep within her chest.
"Then why are you all here?" Lillian asked.
"Because we love you," April spoke up. "We want you to be okay."
"We all talked it over and we all want you to get help." Ian talked softly.
Lillian glared at him, she was angry at him. Raphael had reluctantly told her what he had said about their marriage. She almost couldn't believe it. After all these years and the encouragement she had from Ian to get back together with Raphael, she couldn't believe the audacity he had to question anything between the two of them.
Barry sighed heavily, "I think it would be best to send you to a treatment facility where they can help you. They'll have psychiatrists, medicine, a chance to just be by yourself and process everything that's happened...and will happen." He pressed two fingers into his temples when they began to sting at the thought of Luis. "We were able to track down where Luis got the pictures. We are putting the business under strict surveillance. We confiscated all their electronic devices." He took a deep breath. "But as you know he was released."
Technically, he didn't do anything to her. Of course, he was let go, he was rich and his victim was a woman. The thought of him knowing where she'd be no matter where she stayed, whether it be here at her grandfather's condo or at April's apartment, made her feel so helpless.
"I think we should look at getting a restraining order put in place. We'll get a lawyer to represent you in court so you don't have to be around him. Unless you want to…"
Lillian looked up at Raphael, who simply waited for her to answer. He gave her no reaction, so she sighed, "No, there's nothing more to say."
Barry nodded, "Then I want to focus on you. With everything that has happened and is going to happen, I think it's best to look into getting you extra help as soon as possible." Barry looked up at Raphael, "Raphael made it apparent that he would like for you to be a part of this conversation."
Lillian sighed in relief, at least Barry listened to him. "I think-"
"You know what's best for yourself, Mija." Ian interrupted.
Lillian set her jaw, forcing herself not to say a word to Ian. "I think what's best for me is to not be away from Raphael."
Ian's eyes widened, "Lilly, please think about this. Raphael may have good intentions but his decision is selfish." Ian argued.
Raphael rolled his eyes, letting out a puff of air in disbelief but did not answer with a smart-ass comment. Selfish? Selfish! What's selfish is deciding for Lilly. Selfish is not hearing what she wanted and just sending her to God knows where! If she were to leave his side, it would be easier for Luis to get to her.
Lillian shut her eyes, "Ian, this is not Raphael's decision."
"But Lillian, it's better for you to-"
"I am deciding," Lillian growled. "I know he wants me to stay with him but he has not told me that because this is my decision. Just because you don't like us together, just because he wants me to be by his side, doesn't mean it is influencing my decision."
"This is not about that."
"Well, I'm making it about this, Ian." She snapped, "I'm here. I'm broken. I am angry. I haven't even gotten a chance to be with him. And he helps me."
Raphael felt a twinge in the corner of his mouth but fought against smirking at her words.
"Raphael's choice is not mine. When he told me I have a final say, he was giving me the right to choose. I'm tired of being treated like I can't make my choices." Her voice was trying so hard not to crack and make her seem even more pathetic than she felt. Breathing deeply through her nose to try and regain whatever composure she had before, her hand reaching for her shoulder again to grab ahold of his hand.
Raphael grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
"So you're just going to let another man dictate your life."
Lillian's eyes widened, her head snapped in Ian's direction and before she could open her mouth to counter he stood up and raised his hands in surrender.
"He wants you near him instead of getting help, and fuck what anyone else says. If you can't see the selfishness, then I'm not going to say anymore." He stated, walking out of the apartment.
Raphael was at his limits with the insults. Not only that but now he was second-guessing his decision to keep Lillian with him, which was really pissing him. Maybe she was better off... No. Emitting a low growl deep within his chest, he scoffed. "This isn't about me. This isn't about Ian. This is about Lillian. If she is safer here with me then she'll be safe here with me."
Barry laid back in his chair, palming his eyes to seemingly keep them from popping out of his skull. "Not necessarily, Raphael." He muttered.
"What?" Raphael snapped, more because he didn't understand.
"You said this isn't about you yet you claim to be her husband, right?"
"I am." He corrected.
"Okay, you are her husband. So every decision from now on involves both of you." He explained, rolling his shoulders to relieve the tension in his muscles a bit. "I understand why you want her to stay with you. You guys just got back together, about to plan a life together after being away from each other for so long and then you lose a child. Things like these split up a marriage entirely." He pointed over at Lillian's mother who was just sitting still listening to everyone, not participating out of respect for Lillian. "My wife and I have been through things less difficult than this and we almost separated. It's very hard on the both of you."
"I'm not leaving her." Raphael defended
"We all know that."
"So what's your point, Barry?" He grunted.
"My point is-"
Lillian's mother shifted in her seat before she stood up and went to sit next to Lilly. As scared she was that Lillian would immediately lash out at her for even speaking, she reached over and took her hand, gently rubbing her thumbs over her daughter's knuckles. Lillian just stared at her mother like she was insane. "Barry's point is that since you guys decided to be married, every decision involves the both of you. When you say you haven't had the chance to be with him and I see just how much you still love each other, then it means you two should help each other." She held out her hand towards Raphael, beckoning him with her fingertips. Raphael, raising an eye ridge in confusion, hesitatingly placed a hand on hers. "Lillian being in pain means you're in pain and Raphael being in pain means you're in pain. We are all worried about your mental health, but the decision on whether you go or stay now involves both of you. As husband and wife."
She scooted closer to Lillian, "I was never a good mother. I was miserable for a very long time. But you're my first baby, one of the only reminders of my first love...you mean so much to me and it breaks my soul to see you like this." She placed a hand on her daughter's cheek. "I'm sorry for everything and if I could go back and start over I would. But one thing Raphael and I have in common is that we don't want to lose you. Whether you hate me, are angry at me... I just want you okay and happy, love. Take time for yourself and then we can figure out the rest. Both of you."
Lillian stared at her mother in utter shock. After all these years of fighting, of not speaking to each other, and this is what she chose to finally say! A heartfelt apology after all these years? Lillian wanted to bite her head off and yell at her that her apology was too late but...she felt a sudden compulsion to lean into her mother's touch and hold her. "Jesus, mom..." She whimpered, leaning forward to hug her mother.
April, watching with tears in her eyes, was just standing, feeling as though what was the point of her being there. She felt like she was intruding on these moments. Lillian's pain was radiating off of her tiny body like ice-cold waves and with every word, April felt her heart shatter. Being an empath was such a horrendous thing sometimes. But at the same time, her mind was coming up with a way to help so she wouldn't be so useless. But how? What could she do?
She stepped forward, clearing her throat to get everyone's attention. "If what you two need is time to heal, without interference of any kind, you can use my family farmhouse."
Raphael looked up at April as if to say 'when did you get here' but then her offer clicked in his mind. It's a long drive to that farmhouse but it was isolated, quiet, a perfect place to disconnect from everyone and actually be a couple. "That's an idea..." he muttered out loud.
April nodded, "It'll be just the two of you. All you'll have to do is focus on healing and just being together again. You guys have had no time to just be with each other. So let me give you a safe haven."
Lillian pulled away from her mother's chest, wiping her tears away. "The house in Jersey?"
"Yes, we'll pack the van with necessities and all the things you'll need. I could give you a list of all the local shops so you know where you can buy food and groceries and all that." April explained desperately.
Barry shrugged his shoulders, "I could give you a weekly allowance to buy anything you need while your there."
Lillian narrowed her eyes at the offer, she was taking money from someone again instead of making her own.
"Before you say anything," he stood from his chair, taking a couple of steps to her before kneeling in front of her. "You are my daughter. If I had all the money in the world and had to give it up so you'd be okay, I would do it in a second. Blood or not, you are my daughter to protect and provide for." He took her hands into his, kissing her knuckles. "I think you should do this."
Lillian felt emotion flood her senses once again, instead of letting out a sob like she wanted she simply rested her head on the back of the sofa shutting her eyes when Raphael leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. She felt her heart break at the kiss. Something about it made her so sad but it also made her so happy he was there. He was silent, giving her the right to decide once again. With a sigh, she opened her eyes to look at her mother. "Okay..."
The farmhouse is canonically in Massachusetts, not Jersey, but in the previous story, I had said it was in jersey, and for continuity I just said Jersey. Anyways, see you guys in the next one.
p.s even though I am losing motivation, the reason these chapters are taking so long is that I don't want it to seem lazy. most days I wish I could delete the entire thing and start over. Reading your reviews and critiques really make me want to push out another chapter faster and make it better. so thank you.