Chapter 1 Adjusting is a pain in the wazoo
I woke up with an intense pain that reminded me of when I was recovering from surgery years ago but instead of it just being in my legs it's all over my body. My body in response to this pain began to twitch and spasm some how making it worse I then began to scream.
"Ahhhhhhhh"
Then suddenly the pain stopped and started to faded to a dull ache and I slowly started to regain my senses to see a ray device about half a foot away from me and my first thought was "Aren't those suppose to only exist in video games and animation."
My thoughts are then interrupted by a voice that I recognized to be of one of my favorite video game characters worse enemy Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex.
"Looks like the evolving process was a complete success unlike our last attempt with Ripper Roo right N. Brio." asked Cortex with a pleased smile on his face.
"Y-yes it is C-cortex though we sh-should see if h-he can walk be-before we can s-start celebrating." replied Brio stuttering all the while.
I for one was stunned silent my mind racing a million miles a minute with thoughts such as "Ripper Roo's insanity was caused by a malfunction in the Evolvo-Ray? Brio either needs a speech therapist or needs to come down. What did they evolve me into and why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like it?"
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my restraints being unlocked with a clang. Noticing that my arms and legs were free I slowly lower my arms and push myself up to find my legs to be orange and my whole body contrary to in game depiction completely naked.
In response to seeing this I covered myself with my hands/forepaws (I don't know with term is appropriate right now) and while doing so I had only one thought "At least some things about my body haven't changed."
"The bandicoot seems to have a sense of modesty that's a good sign right N. Brio?" asked Cortex as he looked at me while I got down to the stone cold floor and slowly started walking.
"Y-yes it's a v-very good sign th-that your theory o-of how to p-put knowledge in h-him was accurate; b-bandicoot do you u-understand me?" Brio asked me excitedly.
I slowly walked closer to him still in slight pain cleared my throat and started to speak.
"Sorry if this sounds rude but CAN YOU STOP STARRING AND GIVE ME SOMETHING TO COVER AT LEAST MY LOWER HALF!" I yelled with the only other emotion I was filling right now rage.
Shocked at my reaction Brio stood there silent for a few seconds before responding with "I-I will and th-there's no need t-to shout." and Cortex just laughed while saying "I think I'll like having this bandicoot around more then my other soldiers."
I immediately tried to calm down by taking a deep breath and on the exhale I replied with "I'm sorry I yelled but when I'm scared I either laugh or yell and since I'm frustrated I yelled and now I'm blabbing aren't l?"
Brio in response to this smiled and said "A-apology accepted and y-yes you are f-follow me."
I followed him to a part of Cortex Castle that I wasn't familiar with that looks more like a hospital then a laboratory; when I asked him why he brought me here he replied with "To make sure nothing went wrong when we evolved you."
Surprised I asked him "Why is your stutter gone and what do you mean by went wrong?"
Brio happy that I'm paying attention smiles and replies with "I only stutter when I'm nervous and a lot could go wrong when evolving anything like for example a chemical imbalance in the brain."
"Is that happened to Ripper Roo a chemical imbalance?" I asked in partial curiosity and partial empathy or sympathy (I don't know which one).
"Yes and Cortex thinks that he can fix it with his new project the Cortex Vortex if we can find him." Brio replied with venom in his voice.
"It sounds to me that you don't like Cortex that much why's that?" I asked interested in his feelings on this.
"I told Cortex to wait until after lunch to evolve Ripper Roo but instead of doing that he evolved him without doing a systems check causing the chemical imbalance in the first place!" Brio yelled shocking me like I shocked him with how loud his voice was.
See this he calmed down and said "Look at me yelling when I asked you not to; let's get back to your checkup." He said with a smile as he opened a door to what looked like a doctor's office but bigger and with every medical device known to man.
"Please sit down so that I can finish your checkup as quickly as possible." Brio asked politely patting the bed.
"As long as you don't grab my balls and ask me to cough we will be fine." I said in complete seriousness as I sat down.
"Hahaha I'm not that old fashioned but I need to get a sperm and urine sample to make sure you are 100% healthy." Brio said with an apologetic look on his face.
"Fine but do you have a bathroom, a magazine or photos that can help me and, a glass of water?" I asked angered that I had to do this to begin with.
Brio looked around and found the items I asked for and gave me five photos, two cups and a glass of water and said "I hope these photos help and the bathroom is next door have fun."
I exited the room and entered the restroom and turned on the light to look at the photos to find that they pictures of Tawna, Ami, Megumi, Liz, and Isabella Bandicoot completely nude and in sexual positions.
Tawna: medium B cup
Ami: medium B cup
Megumi: medium B cup
Liz: medium B cup
Isabella: medium B cup
When I saw this I felt shocked and aroused with only one thought "Which one do I choose?" After a little bit of thinking I chose to do all of them and started jerking off until I ejaculated into the cup.
"Huh now to pee in the other cup." I said to myself as I drunk the water thought of a waterfall causing me to pee in the other cup after I was done I grabbed some toilet paper to wipe my self clean, flushed it down and washed my hands/paws and exited the bathroom and returned to the office.
When I came back I asked Brio where he got the pictures and he replied with "They were taken to help with getting samples because they didn't respond well enough to regular porn and I made them aware of the photos and they gave there consent to use them."
I took a deep breath, calmed down and give the pictures back to Brio who put them back in his desk and said "Let's get back to your checkup post haste."
I just nodded and got on the bed and listened as the doctor checked my eyes, ears, mouth, and through with an otoscope and check my breathing and heartbeat with a stethoscope.
After checking all that Brio said "From what I can gather your healthy but I want to do a hearing and eyesight test along with an MRI on you ok?"
I thought about being still for that long and replied with "Can you put me asleep for the MRI because I can't lie still for that long?"
"Yes but that might not help with keeping you still though." Replied Brio with a concerned look on his face.
"Do you have a better idea doctor because I don't?" I asked with a little frustration in my voice.
"I could restrain you to the table and run the MRI scan." He replied hesitantly with an apologetic look in his eyes.
"Wouldn't that mess with the MRI scan too?" I asked making sure there's no problems.
"No they are made from leather and plastic no metal at all." Replied Brio with a small smirk.
"Ok so what do we do first the MRI or the tests?" I asked dreading the MRI with every fiber of my being.
"I'm going to do the hearing and eyesight tests first then I will do the MRI if that ok with you?" Replied Brio giving me a choice.
Happy that I get a choice I chose to do the tests first trying to put off the MRI for as long as possible.
"Great now let's start with the hearing test shall we." Exclaimed Brio with an excitement that I only heard from him in IAT.
I nodded waiting patiently for Brio to find a pair of headphones connected to a CD player finding them he asked me to put them on and I nodded my head putting them on and preparing to turn on the CD player.
"Now tell me when you start hearing anything and when you don't please." Ordered Brio gently as I hit the play button.
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep BEEP!
"Ouch!" I yelled with my hands up trying to cover my ears in pain while Brio asked "What happened?"
"The last beep was so loud that it hurt my ears." I replied wondering why that beep was so loud.
"How is that possible? That last beep should have been inaudible to your ears." Brio replied equally perplexed as I was as to what happened.
"What was the pitch of the last beep?" I asked coming to a conclusion that is going to be a pain in the ass for the rest of my life.
"The pitch of the last beep was 54kHz why do you ask?" Brio replied looking at me questioning my line of thought.
"Could it be possible that you accidentally gave me hearing equivalent to that of a dogs when you evolved me?" I asked putting my own theory out their hoping that I was wrong.
"That...could be possible but I would have to check the Evolvo-Ray settings to make sure." Replied Brio with contemplative look on his face.
"Let's begin the vision test shall we." Said Brio trying to change the subject and some what succeeding.
I nodded going over to a standard E chart as Brio motioned me to stand 40ft from the chart and told me to read the letters.
I read them all correctly even the ones in small print to the shock of Brio and mine as well.
"I can't believe I can read print that small from 40ft away can you?" I asked Brio to see if his disbelief was equal to mine.
"I for one think that you are above the expectations of myself and probably Cortex combined you are a marvel of genetic engineering as far as I can tell." Brio replied with enthusiasm I rarely hear from anyone myself included.
"So all that's left is the MRI and my clothes right?" I asked wanting to be clothed as soon as possible not liking the draft.
"Of course your right come here and lie on the MRI machine and I'll get the restraints." Brio replied as he went to his desk to get said restraints and as I got on the MRI table.
"Why do you have those in the first place?" I asked trying to get my mind off of the MRI scan as I lay there while Brio got the restraints from his desk.
"I sometimes have to use them because like you they can't stay still for an hour and/or they try to attack me thus I need to restrain them." Replied Brio as he put the restraints on me and pushed the table into the MRI turning it on.
The restraints were more comfortable than you would expect for one they were padded and two they weren't to tight and to top it all off Brio was a good conversationalist.
"Dr. Brio how many doctorates do you have and where did you get them?" I asked curious as to what he specializes in.
"I have four doctorates one in biochemistry, electrical engineering, genetics, and lastly most important right now medicine and I got them from the Academy of Evil." Explained Brio casually causing me to ask this question
"Why hasn't the school been shutdown with a name like that?" Surprised by my question Brio was silent for a few seconds before replying with "The public name for the school is Sunnyville ironic no?"
"Yes it is ironic how did you get in the evolving business in the first place?" I asked a little more curious about his past then I was a few minutes ago.
"Well I guess it all started back in the academy me and Cortex tried to make the Evolvo-Ray for the first time Cortex and I were eight at the time we unfortunately miscalculated and instead of evolving Cortex's pet birds Victor and Moritz it caused an explosion that damaged the school and left nothing of the birds behind but their birdcage saddened by the loss and the fact that we had to fix the school let alone the lecture Madame Amberly made to us about making experimental devices without her permission again will get us expelled well to make a long story short after we finished schooling we tried again, again, again, again, again, and again all ending the same way explosions causing us to be wanted by every country on the globe but we never gave up finally we ended up on the Wumpa Islands giving it one more try with a potted plant, succeeded and here we are." Long winded replied Brio leaving me a lot to digest.
"That is the backstory of the Evil Twins isn't it I hope they don't popup anytime soon because they were strong enough to make Aku Aku and Uka Uka their playthings and did Brio say they used the Evolvo-Ray on a plant?" I thought as digested what I just been told and asked the first question that popped in my mind.
"What type of plant did you use?" I asked hoping that the answer won't bite me in the ass later.
"The plant that we used was a wumpa tree and we named it Willie it escaped shortly after being created." Brio replied sounding a little sad and remorseful.
"How many animals have you and Cortex evolved?" I asked trying to not think about Willie being cannon.
"218 counting you and I hope that we make enough to go against the world." Brio replied with concern and fear in his voice.
"How big of an army are we talking about?" I asked to see how nuts Cortex actually is.
"Millions to billions and that is just an estimate sometimes I think about cutting my losses and running away." Brio replied in sadness.
"Why not run? You could go by a new name and have a good life." I replied wondering why he is reluctant to leave.
"I have two reasons why I can't run one I can't leave 218+ of you without a doctor and two if I run I lose my higher brain functions by the tightening of my head screws." Brio replied with frustration in his voice.
When I heard this I was shocked Cortex was keeping Brio here through fear and he doesn't want to leave us without a doctor I can barely believe it I think I could get Brio to leave Cortex early and probably make him good.
"Cortex has control over your screws how exactly does it work?" I asked planning to help Brio anyway I can.
"I probably shouldn't tell you this but Cortex has a controller that he keeps in his lab coat that he threatens to use to tighten my screws." Replied Brio with a "What are you planning to do" tone.
"If you are wondering what I'm planning it's simply this I'm going to help you get that remote so you can leave without losing your higher brain functions what you think?" I replied to his unspoken question with 100% seriousness.
"You would do that for me? Thank you uh I don't know what to call you other than 218 but that just doesn't feel right what do you want to be called?" Brio asked with what I think is curiosity in his voice.
"He wants me to name myself? Ok but do I use my real name, Crash, or something else." I thought as I tried to think of a name when finally it came to me.
"I like to be called Alan I believe it close to the natives word for orange alani how did I know that?" I replied shocked and a little frightened.
"I see that you are starting get all the knowledge Cortex put into you Alan don't be scared please." Replied Brio trying to calm me down.
I started to breathe heavily as the info integrated its self into my brain languages, world leaders, weapons handling/safety, military tactics, math, science, history, how to drive anything with an engine, computing, and magic all the knowledge a general will need.
"Wow that is a lot to take in why did Cortex put magical knowledge in my head?" I asked Brio with genuine curiosity.
"Cortex babbled about something named Uka Uka giving him instructions that will help him rule the world me I think he has finally lost it." Brio replied sounding more amused then concerned.
"Is the MRI done yet? Because I really would like to get some clothes on." I asked wanting to get out as soon as possible.
"Oh yes it done you can get out now." Said Brio ejecting me from the MRI and guiding me to somewhere else.
"So what do you want to wear Alan?" Asked Brio while showing me an assortment of underwear, pants, shirts, and gloves.
I looked around and found some clothes that suited my taste black underwear, blue jeans from CotT, and gloves from skylanders I for one think that I looked good.
"Good choices oh almost forgot here's a pair of shoes and hope they fit." Brio told me as he gave me the shoes that Crash wore in IAT.
As I tried them on and saw how comfortable they were I asked Brio where he got them he answered with this "Cortex had them made by the robot lab assistants we built."
I nodded in understanding as we started to walk to the lower parts of Cortex Castle and I started the conversation back up to keep me from freaking out.
"Are you two the only real humans here?" I asked wondering if all the assistants were robots.
"Sadly/fortunately yes we're the only humans here." Replied Brio with sadness in his voice.
"No one to talk to other then Cortex?" I asked starting to feel more sorry for him by the minute.
"No one other then Cortex can I add you to people I can talk to?" Asked Brio sounding hopeful that I say yes.
"Sure why not?" I replied wanting to cheer this guy up and I kinda want to make Brio a good guy.
"Since I know where the shoes came from how about the clothes?" I asked but already feel like I knew the answer.
"From my and Cortex's closets don't worry they're washed." Brio replied with haste making me feel a little better.
"Is this the only pare of clothes I'm going to get or is their going to be more?" I asked not wanting to ware the same pare of clothes everyday.
"We will buy more don't worry and yes you are not the only one who asked that." Brio replied making me ask this.
"Where do you get your supplies from anyway if you don't mind me asking?" I asked 100% curious who is helping Cortex.
"We get them mostly from the Australian black market the rest from public stores through lab assistants boy do I wish I could go out in public without being chased by Interpol." Brio replied with a sigh of frustration.
"Look on the bright side you can do that when I get you that remote." I replied trying to cheer him up.
"Yeah you're right and I hope that I can get a better job than bartender at Boilermaker House when I get out of here." Brio replied sounding a little better than he was a few seconds ago.
"Boilermaker House; how good is it?" I asked wondering what type of bar would Brio work at.
"It's a bar in Melbourne VIC, Australia that has malt whisky, craft beer, delicious cocktails, blues music and great diner I wouldn't mind working there but I'm a scientist at heart." Brio replied in a lighthearted tone.
"Sounds nice have any of the other 217 subjects ever have alcohol?" I asked wondering what effect alcohol would have on me if at all.
"No but if they ever did it would take a lot to get one of them drunk your metabolisms are quite high." Brio replied sounding very proud of that fact.
"How much exactly would it take to get one of us drunk if you don't mind me asking?" I asked wondering high my alcohol tolerance is right now.
"I don't actually know how much exactly but I guess that it will probably take 300,000g of alcohol to get you drunk." Brio replied wondering why I'm asking about this.
"That's a lot of alcohol especially since I'm pretty short and the reason I asked was because I wanted to have a drink with you one day." I replied giving Brio a friendly smile and hopeful look.
"If we get out of here here in one piece we both are going to Boilermaker House and having the strongest stuff they got deal?" Replied Brio holding his hand out to shake.
"Deal." I replied shaking his hand with a smile on my face while trying to figure out how to get that remote.
We both stopped at a door that looked eerily similar to the doors to medieval dungeons making me ask this question "Is this the dungeons to the castle or am I getting worried over nothing?"
Brio went from smiling to sad as all get out replying with this "Sorry but Cortex didn't what to make hundreds to thousands of rooms so he simply made cells instead and I wanted all of you to be treated like human beings which resulted in my first screw tightening and Cortex got his way but made them nicer than prison cells come I'll show you."
Brio then opened the door and motioned me to follow him which I did reluctantly not enjoying the idea of being in a cell no matter how comfortable it is and as I looked around the room I get the feeling that most of if not all the others would agree with me.
They all looked sad, angry and strangely happy and started saying stuff like "Fresh meat alert people" and "I hope he survives Cortex's testing he looks pretty weak".
As I looked around the dungeon I saw that the cells were more like three walled rooms with traditional prison bars and each room looked like it fit everyone's personalities (please use your imagination and give me some ideas.)
"So this is what you meant by more comfortable than a regular prison cell but I don't see the girls anywhere mind telling me why?" I asked thinking that this would have taken a lot of money to make how big is the Australian black market? Oh God I'm mentally rambling!
"Thank you for acknowledging the ways that I try to make all your lives at least tolerable and to answer your question the girls are in a separate section of the castle so that they can be more comfortable." Explained Brio as he and I came to a cell with no occupant, a bed, dresser, clock, mirror, and what I think is a bathroom behind a door and walls.
"Here's your room if you what anything more all you need to do is ask." Brio said trying to make me comfortable for the long haul.
"Maybe something to read and some crossword puzzles please." I replied thinking of ways to keep me from getting bored.
"Sure thing what genre would you like?" Brio asked looking curious while waiting for my reply.
"Fantasy fiction and some mythology native to here please." I replied because I love fantasy and I want to know more about the tribesmen of the island.
"No problem but why do you want to read their mythology?" Brio asked with curiosity in his voice.
"I'm just curious about how the tribesmen see this world compared to other societies." I replied truthfully wondering what Brio reaction will be.
"Fair enough sometimes I look at their writing for inspiration for my potions in fact I have been working on a potion to increase the strength and maybe even height of the being who drinks it; interested in trying it if it succeeds?" Brio asked seeming to be going into a bit of a tangent.
"As long as it doesn't make the drinker insane, lowers their intelligence, or any other negative side effects then I'm all for it." I replied liking the idea of being taller and stronger but also a little sorry for the test rats that drink his potions.
"I didn't think about the effects that my potion could have on the brain thank you for bring that to my attention even though it'll set me back at least a few weeks maybe a month tops." Brio replied lowering my opinion on how smart is he.
"Better safe than sorry right by the way why do the female bandicoots have tails and I don't?" I asked genuinely curious why Crash, Coco, and Crunch don't have tails.
Brio for the first time since I met him looked stumped and when I thought that he was about to say something he will close his mouth then he will look like he is thinking then open his mouth and repeat for a few minutes until he finally said this.
"I don't know why you don't have a tail but if I had to guess it could be because you were made with a different DNA base then the girls." Brio replied sounding sheepish prompting me to ask this next question.
"Why did you use a different DNA base for me then the others?" I asked questioning why they would use a different DNA base at all if it worked well with the nitro squad.
"The reason we used a different DNA base was because their DNA base had decayed after so much use that it became to unstable to use so we got some new DNA and here we are." Brio replied looking sad.
"Why are you so sad all of a sudden?" I asked wondering why this topic would get him so upset.
"The original DNA base was from an old girlfriend of mine THAT DUMPED ME FOR A TALLER MORE MUSCULAR GUY WITH AN IQ OF A FLEA!" Brio shouted shocking me and causing him to look sheepish.
"I take it that is your side reason to make the potion and technically a flea doesn't have an IQ but I get the picture he is dumb and my next question is who is my DNA base from?" I asked wanting to know who's DNA I share.
"Cortex's of course and why are you looking more scared then when we evolved you?" Brio asked concern coating his voice.
The thoughts in my head at that moment were something like this "I share DNA with a man that has a Napoleon complex, crazy, and hates the circus but I love the beard though maybe I'll try to grow one eventually that's it insert real name here focus on the good things from this."
Calming down from the shock of this I calmly replied to Brio question with this "I just scared of the idea that I'm related to a madman with a Napoleon complex is all."
"Oh yah being related to that nut job would scare me to but look on the bright side you have a sweetheart of a cousin that likes animals." Brio replied sounding weirdly chipper probably to cheer me up.
"Cousin?" I asked trying to remember all the information on Cortex's family I knew of until a name popped into my head.
"Her name's is Nina and she's 5 and probably would love you at first sight even though Cortex is going to try to put her in the academy good luck or should I say bad luck with that haha." Brio replied with glee which cause me to ask one last question.
"Not wanting Nina to follow in her uncle's and your footsteps I take it?"
"Yes because I'm beginning to think that it has done more harm than good to both of us plus I think that she would be a better veterinarian then evil scientist any day of the week." Brio replied sounding pretty firm in his beliefs.
"I hope that she eventually gets a job that she loves and turns out better than Cortex." I replied sincerely wanting Nina to be better than her canon self.
"Well I better get going Cortex doesn't like waiting to long and don't tell him what I told you ok." Said Brio as he locked the door and ran back to Cortex.
"I'll make sure to not say anything to Cortex alright!" I yelled to Brio who was reassured immediately.
Now alone with my thoughts I turn to mirror for the full extent of what happened to me finally sunk in causing me to whisper this to myself "I have went from 22 year old human with cerebral palsy to an anthropology bandicoot super soldier that will go through 3 years of hell thanks to a yellow dwarf with a Napoleon complex please let this be a weird nightmare."
"Sorry to burst your bubble but this isn't a nightmare but you do come out ok." Said a mystery voice
I slowly turned to my bed to find someone who shouldn't be here "How did you get here?"
Writer's Note: I hope I made a good start for my journey in the Crash universe please go easy on me because this is my first fanfic and I'm slow when it comes to writing please give constructive criticism only in other words no flames by the way please give me some ideas of what I do for 9 months other than smash crates and make friends sincerely yours Alan.