Author Note: This is an idea I had late at night. My favorite books are the Artemis Fowl books and my favorite ship is Artemis-Holly. My favorite movie happens to be Star Wars Episode II. Make of all that what you will, but I happen to love these things very much. On my latest rewatch of Episode II, I noticed that some of the romance dialogue would legit work perfectly with Artemis-Holly. So here it is, a small AxH fic built around existing SW dialogue. First little scene has Holly with Anakin's dialogue and Artemis with Padme's, but the rest, the bulk, is the other way around because it fit better. This is completely unironic and I hope at least somebody enjoys reading this half as much as I enjoyed writing it! Every spoken line is from the movie, unaltered except for proper nouns like their names, and one tiny word edit to make it fit Artemis Fowl continuity. Anyways, this takes place after the Fowl Twins series but has no real spoilers for anything. No sex, cursing, or violence either.

And, to be clear: This fic is not written as if the characters are purposefully quoting the movie like nerds. The movie doesn't exist in this fic; the dialogue is simply what they're saying naturally, not quoting a movie in-universe.

Now, here begins the story:

It was the end of a long weekend that was still somehow too short. Artemis and Holly sat opposite a modest table in Villa Éco, trading stories over a friendly casual dinner, trying to get their minds off the fact that Holly had to leave the next morning.

Artemis had returned from his five-year mission to Mars last week. Oh, yes, there had been great fanfare in both the fairy and human presses, as the man had discovered much on the red planet. The landing site in Ireland had been swarming with human journalists. He'd greeted them all courteously, yes. But Holly had been surprised, when after Artemis had barely yet greeted the press, he began scanning the horizon at the landing site... for her. And she'd gotten a little choked up when his face, upon spotting her hiding place, had lit up more warmly and happily than she'd ever seen him look when he was talking about science or money.

After a full day of rest and then a full day of preliminary press conferences, Artemis had invited Holly over to spend the weekend with him, and to her surprise, he'd promised not to even talk about science. He had said he just wanted to... see her. To catch up, after five years apart. She supposed they were best friends, but something about the way Artemis had been acting lately made her wonder if he was aspiring for more. If he was, she didn't know what she'd do, despite often thinking, sometimes dreading, but always hoping for this development for years. Anyways, she'd dearly missed spending time with the man in person, so had said yes to the weekend hangout immediately. And they'd spent the days catching up, just as he'd wanted to.

Now, the sun shining through the glass was setting, as was their precious time together.

Holly was in the midst of a yarn about a time last year she broke up a pixie street gang she'd been tracking down. "And when I got to them, we went into aggressive negotiations," she recalled.

Artemis had been party to many incidents of negotiation throughout his colorful criminal career, but he'd never heard that particular term that he could remember. "'Aggressive negotiations'? What's that?" he asked. Though he had a feeling he knew, since he knew Holly.

"Uh, well, negotiations with a Neutrino," she explained, as if it were an everyday thing.

"Oh." Somewhat to her surprise, Artemis laughed heartily. It was a precious rare sound, and one that never had the same effect when relayed across tens of millions of kilometers on a phone speaker. She couldn't help but join in with her own jovial laughter.

Artemis reached for the last baked potato that lay on a serving plate between them.

Emboldened by the moment, Holly snatched the potato before he could grab it. Artemis at first cocked an eyebrow at her, but he watched her actions with a warm fascination that almost made Holly lose her focus.

Before she lost her nerve, she whispered something and began to run her fingers over the potato, blue sparks leaping around the contact, breathing life into the tuber. Almost as soon as she'd touched it, multiple green sprouts had emerged from the previously lifeless spud, subtly reaching towards the waning light. It was what a potato eventually looked like when left on the counter for weeks on end, though the process here had taken mere seconds.

Artemis' eyes lit up at the magic on display before him. Holly handed the potato back, though it looked more like a green salad now. He gingerly touched the magically initiated sprouts, as if afraid they'd vanish, like a mirage under too much scrutiny.

Holly chuckled sheepishly. "If Commander Kelp caught me doing that, he'd be very grumpy."

Artemis sat on a couch by the fireside, which was the only source of light, the sun having set some hours prior. Holly was beside him, electrifyingly close. They were trying to make small talk, in a vain attempt to put off the big talk.

Artemis had never been so nervous in his life. Not even the dangers of survival in space had wracked him so thoroughly. What those dangers had done, though, was give him a new perspective. One that made him realize that those five years away, once thought to be barely enough to scratch the surface of discovery out there, had in fact been five years too many. The only thing of true importance he'd discovered on the red planet was that he'd rather be with the red-haired elf.

While up there, it had been easy enough to keep a lid on his heart, as there was work to do. He'd done it admirably, but with much less enthusiasm than he'd thought he'd have before leaving. Leaving Earth had been so easy at first. 'Five years was no time at all,' he'd told himself. 'Everyone will still be around when I return. I will be missing nothing. And Holly is just a friend.'

By the time he'd set up base on Mars, he'd realized just how much he was missing. Semiregular calls had only worsened the separation. You never know what you have until it's gone. And so now, sitting on the couch with her on the eve of her planned departure back to Haven, he decided then and there to grab ahold of life and not let it go without a fight.

"From the moment I left, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you," he began.

Holly was tempted to say then why the hell did you leave, but held her peace and let him speak his. She noticed him inch still closer to her. Surely he could hear her rapidly beating heart from that distance.

He continued. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets."

Holly shifted her weight on the couch, her brain intending the action to give them some space, but her traitorous person inexplicably leaned even closer to him instead.

Artemis took a hesitant breath. "The thought of not being with you; I can't breathe."

Holly was afraid she knew where he was going with this; she'd been deathly afraid he'd go here ever since the time paradox had shattered their perceptions of both time and each other.

Artemis was both encouraged and terrified by Holly's silence. Here goes nothing. "I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me," he confessed, eyes watering.

Holly, for her part, found herself alternating between avoiding eye contact, and staring into his soul, willing the words to be genuine.

Artemis bowed his head humbly, knowing he was at her mercy. "What can I do? I will do anything that you ask."

Holly glanced at the floor then, reflecting.

Artemis was now starting to find the silence as unbearable as their time apart had been. "If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me," he begged.

Holly took a deep breath. She saw her possible lives laid out before her in her mind's eye. For years, the question had been whether Artemis felt the same way. Now, it was what she was going to do about it. For years she had considered the outcomes. Her heart demanded she reciprocate; it practically burst forth from her chest, trying to tell Artemis as such.

But, in what was the single hardest decision of her life, Holly allowed her brain to speak instead. The brain that had scolded her for years, reminding her of the disastrous possible outcomes. Their peoples would never understand, for one thing. She'd be an outcast if they were to know. And were they even biologically compatible? Did it even matter, considering he would be dead within the century, leaving her all alone?

"I can't," she choked out. "We can't. It's... just not possible."

Artemis was not one to give up so easily. "Anything is possible, Holly. Listen to me."

But Holly was set on the path now. She stood up, launching into the familiar comfort of lecture mode. "No, you listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're a mud man. I'm... I'm a Commodore in the LEP."

The thousands of years of their peoples' histories hung unspoken in the room. Artemis knew what she was saying. The fairy folk would crucify both him and her if they found out.

"If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion," she added, "it'll take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other." Oops.

Artemis jumped at the opening. "Then you do feel something!"

Holly sighed. "I will not let you give up your future for me." His future with his family. Even if he somehow lived a millennia thanks to magic tricks or tech, he'd be leaving them behind. If he didn't, he'd be throwing his remaining decades away for someone who would live centuries.

"You are asking me to be rational," pleaded Artemis. "That is something I know I cannot do." Not anymore. "Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away my feelings, but I can't." Not anymore.

"I will not give in to this." Even as she said it, Holly wished it weren't so.

Artemis could scarcely hide his tears anymore. He got up to leave, making for the exit to salvage his pride, before turning back and trying once more. "Well, you know, it... wouldn't have to be that way. We could keep it a secret..."

Holly sighed, at tears herself. "We'd be living a lie, one we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you, Artemis? Could you live like that?" She knew that, for years, Artemis had lived in a whole nest of lies. Some selfish part of her hoped he would say yes, that he could go back to that way of lies, so that they could find a way to be together here and now. But what she most hoped for in her heart was for him to say no. Artemis' pure goodness since his resurrection had been a beacon, his honesty and integrity had inspired many... and against her better judgement, it had helped cause her to fall in love with him. So she now hoped for two opposite things at once.

Artemis shook his head mournfully, and then nodded at her reasoning, attempting some measure of confident self-control when all he wanted to do in reality was lay down and cry. "...No. You're right... It would destroy us."

And they left it at that.

However, having Artemis Fowl back on Earth had some side effects. For some inexplicable reason, the assembly line of supervillains was churning out ambitious megalomaniacals again. It was nostalgic for Artemis and Holly, really. And so, for the sake of the world, (and, they told themselves, each other) they set aside their feelings and worked professionally for some time, saving the world like old times. It had been close to a year, in fact. They remained close associates throughout, and, dare they say it, friends, but had the other thing under control. Outside of the occasional wistful stare when they thought no one was watching.

That is, until one day, one of the ambitious megalomaniacals from under the Earth had them in a tight spot. The goblin gangs had decided they needed a scapegoat for their problems, and that insufferable duo of Fowl and Short had proven a quite effective scapegoat. To everyone's surprise except the dwarves, the goblins had been able to accomplish some impressive things while united against their common enemy.

Not the least of which was capturing the two of them and dragging them to the Seven Wonders exhibit, where, to absolutely no one's surprise, no one had yet bothered to try to remove the troll population.

Cuffed at both hands and feet, Artemis and Holly, looking worse for wear, lay in the mud outside the main gate to the deprecated park. Holly was unconscious. The main power was off in the Lower Elements, and fires blazed around the city as part of this latest goblin uprising. In all the madness at Police Plaza, no one had noticed Artemis and Holly being secreted away. The sounds of the chaos in the city were far outclassed, though, by the decibel levels of the trolls in the park, who had smelled she-elf and man-flesh from klicks away and were eagerly looking forward to the snacks.

The goblin pack leader was off with his mates trying to find a rock to bash the gate open with so that the prisoners could be fed to the animals. This left a small group to keep an eye on the prisoners, and a good distance was being kept.

As their captors scratched their butts a good few meters away, Artemis sat up in the mud and turned to see to Holly, sparing only a moment to admire her fierce beauty, evident even in distress. He gently shook her awake. This made the goblins around nervous, but they had confidence in their quick fireball conjuring ability should they need it.

Holly groaned and sat up as well, taking in Artemis. He was bleeding at several places, his white shirt ruined as usual. She looked at his injuries with some level of concern, for she was out of magic. The sound of the trolls was not helping either.

"Don't be afraid," reassured Artemis with more bravery than he felt.

"I'm not afraid to die." Holly took a deep breath. Actually... "I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."

Artemis was confused, but first glanced around, assuring himself that the goblins weren't listening too closely. "What are you talking about?" he whispered.

"I love you." It was out before her better judgement could stop her.

Artemis felt his heart aflutter, caring not that this only pushed more blood from his wounds. "You love me? ...I thought that we had decided not to fall in love... that we would be forced to live a lie... and that it would destroy our lives."

Holly motioned to the park and smirked. "I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway."

Artemis was incredulous. He looked into her mismatched eyes, willing this to be real, and not a dream or the stress talking. Miraculously, she kept going.

Holly smiled like she never had before, finally free of her own constricting self. "I truly, deeply, love you. And before we die, I want you to know." Holly kissed Artemis then, cupping his face with her cuffed elvin hands. In that kiss, they were finally making up for the years of requited but suppressed love, or at least getting a pretty good start on it.

The goblins took note of this development and sheepishly turned the other way, one groaning at the display but none daring to interrupt.

The pair broke their contact upon the goblin leader's return. Artemis had a dazzle in his eyes far greater even than when he'd seen the blue Earth from orbit for the first time. Holly smiled at him, and then turned to face their situation, with more peace and resolve than she'd ever before felt. She'd finally gotten her freedom. She wasn't about to let anybody take it away again.

Artemis knew then that they'd be okay, and may the gods have mercy on any soul who tried to part them.

The End

More Author Notes: Credit for the dialogue goes to George Lucas; credit for the characters and world goes to Eoin Colfer. Did you know they were born on the same day, 21 years apart?

Anyways, I wish I could have included the picnic scene, which I love, but there were too many problems with that dialogue. I'd have had to change the line that the Jedi mind-trick only works on the weak-minded (swapping 'Jedi mind-trick' for fairy 'mesmer' would have been fun, but mesmers aren't limited to the weak-minded), and the scene would have required them to talk about other love interests they've had, which sucks, and also, Holly would not stand for Artemis advocating for a dictatorship, which he wouldn't do at this point in his life anyways. I wish I could have included a "You really don't like humans, do you?" / "I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them" exchange as a flirt but even that felt unauthentic because I like to imagine Holly as more open-minded towards humans after all she went through with Artemis and Friends. I was pushing the believability of Artemis saying all the mushy stuff as it is in the fic now; I didn't want to push further.

By the way, the one dialogue edit I mentioned at the top (aside from proper nouns) was changing Anakin's "From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you" to Artemis' "From the moment I left, all those years ago..." because firstly, it wouldn't have been true to say "from the moment I met you." Artemis lost his memory and also died at one point. And secondly, he may have been thinking of her every day he remembered her from when he was 12 when he kidnapped her, but it wouldn't have been in a romantic sense, it would have been in a "better watch out for that fairy woman I kidnapped because she could pop up and kill me at any moment" sense. So I made it about the space trip instead of about their entire lives.

Thank you for reading! Any comments, negative or positive, would really make my day. :)