Thirty-six hours and another bed-bug infestation later, Sister Hilda was sitting in the office staring into a large cup of coffee. She was far beyond Sister Julienne's "two spoons of Nescafé" stage; there were at least three spoonfuls of granules and two sugars for good measure swirling around in the liquid darkness in front of her. But still, it wasn't quite cutting it. Why had everything gone wrong this week? Another week with Mother Mildred was preferable to this. She'd barely slept for the last two nights, as though she could not settle, knowing one of her own was not safe.
The knock of the front door soon broke her silent contemplation. She downed the rest of her coffee and headed towards the entrance hall. She opened the door and gasped with a combination of delight and relief at the sight that greeted her.
"Nurse Corrigan," Sister Hilda called. She stopped when she registered the little girl stood beside her, nervously clutching a goldfish in a plastic bag. The little girl who could only be Nancy's daughter, she was the spitting image of her mother. Sister Hilda's eyes flitted between the two girls standing in front of her. A pang of longing hit her square in the guts.
"Can we come in?" Nancy asked.
"Of course," Sister Hilda replied.
Nancy and Colette followed Sister Hilda through the door of Nonnatus House. As she turned to face them, Sister Hilda registered for the first time the cut above Nancy's eye.
"Have you two eaten this morning?" Sister Hilda asked.
"No," Nancy replied.
"Well, we can't have that, can we?" Sister Hilda replied, addressing the little girl as much as she was addressing Nancy. She got down on her knees so that her eyes were level with the child's and said, "And who do we have here then?"
The little girl remained silent. Sister Hilda stretched out her hand to touch her, when the child immediately recoiled in fear.
"It's alright Colette, Sister Hilda won't hurt you," Nancy promised, moving over to comfort her. Turning to face Sister Hilda she added, "she thinks you're like one of the nuns at the orphanage." Nancy rolled Colette's sleeve up her arm. Sister Hilda winced at the very obvious, hand-shaped, bruise that lay there.
"I won't hurt you Colette," Sister Hilda smiled, holding her arms out, invitingly. This time, with some persuasion from Nancy, Colette, albeit stiffly, accepted the contact. Neither nurse nor nun could stop themselves smiling as, after a moment, Colette began to relax and snuggle into her.
"I'll get you both some breakfast," Sister Hilda promised, "then I'll ask Sister Frances to mind Colette, whilst we sort things out."
"Yes Sister," Nancy replied.
"Though, first things first, I'm sure we have a goldfish bowl somewhere around here," Sister Hilda mused with a smile, before disappearing off towards one of the storerooms.
Nancy stared between Colette and Sister Hilda's disappearing silhouette. Of all the nuns to return to, Sister Hilda was perhaps the most preferable, but she, Nancy, remained suspicious of her, Sister Hilda's, kindness. Was it all a ruse? Was she merely delaying the inevitable?
"I knew we had one," Sister Hilda called down the corridor, holding a goldfish bowl in outstretched arms. Addressing Colette, she continued, "I think your little friend will be much happier in here than in that bag, what do you think?"
"I think so, Sister," Colette replied shyly.
"Come to the kitchen," Sister Hilda continued, "I've put bacon and eggs and toast on, does Colette like bacon and eggs?" she asked Nancy.
"I doubt she's had bacon and eggs in her life," Nancy scoffed. Realising, far too late, the nature of her tone, she added, "bread and margarine were the order of the day at Fatima Lodge, I'm sure she'll try it though."
After settling Colette and Nancy at the table for breakfast and the goldfish into its bowl, Sister Hilda went upstairs and knocked on Sister Frances' door.
"Would you be able to babysit?" Sister Hilda asked as Sister Frances opened the door.
"It's not the Turner children is it?" Sister Frances moaned, "they were so exhausting last time."
"No, don't worry," Sister Hilda soothed with a hint of a grin, "it's Colette, Nurse Corrigan's daughter."
"She's back, she's here," Sister Frances gasped.
"Very much so," Sister Hilda replied, "they're eating breakfast at the moment, but I need to talk to Nurse Corrigan. Come and keep her occupied for a while, she might even show you our new pet."
"Haven't we had enough animal visitors in the house for one week?" Sister Frances grinned.
"I'm not sure a goldfish is capable of causing too much havoc," Sister Hilda replied, "see you downstairs in a minute." Before Sister Frances could answer, Sister Hilda had disappeared down the corridor.
Half an hour later, Sister Hilda, Sister Monica Joan, Phyllis, and Nancy were assembled in the clinical room, no-one really knowing what to say to the other. Sister Hilda stood, her arms across her body, defensively. She knew that the outcome of this conversation could decide the future of two young girls, but for once in her life, her loquaciousness had abandoned her. Eventually she managed to ask, "where have you been?"
"I had to get Colette out of Fatima Lodge," Nancy began, "they're cruel, and heartless, and there is no love in that place. No child deserves that. We went to the funfare, we stayed in a lodging house, but when I ran out of money, the owner tried it on with me." She paused, indicating the cut above her eye which Sister Monica Joan had sat and dressed. The atmosphere in the room changed, a collective uneasiness swept through Nancy's audience. Aware of the tension, Nancy continued, "It was at that point I came to my senses and realised I had to get out of there. I was terrified of coming here, but we have nowhere else to go."
"You should have come straight here" Phyllis scolded, "you've put yourself and your little girl in danger. You've had two orders of nuns at each other's throats and everyone here beside themselves with worry."
"The litany of her misdemeanors has been recited oft, and not with mercy," Sister Monica Joan interrupted. Phyllis' jaw dropped in shock. "She has borne a child," Sister Monica Joan continued, "while beyond the bounds of wedlock." Sister Hilda's stomach squirmed, an uncomfortable look contorted across her face, her eyes flitted nervously. "If that consigns her to the margins, the margins are where we dwell, and do his work" Sister Monica Joan finished.
"So, what do you think we should do?" Sister Hilda asked.
"Ask her what it is she desires," Sister Monica Joan suggested.
"You mean, ask me what I want?" Nancy piped up.
"Yes," Sister Hilda replied as though this was the most obvious thing in the world.
Nancy looked between the nurse and the nun standing before her. Phyllis nodded at her, encouragingly.
"I want to qualify as a midwife," Nancy began, "I want to make a home for Colette and be free to tell her who she is to me and why I love her. I want to have no secrets, to be trusted, to belong, for us to live a life where there are no bruises."
Sister Hilda's face fell, deep in thought, deep in sadness, moments of her own past, dancing in her mind behind the sorrow in her eyes. She let out a pained breath before remarking, "Any decisions about your future at Nonnatus House must be made by Sister Julienne, not me. However, for now at least, this is where you both belong. I'll make a camp bed up for Colette in your room. Take today off, and look after that cut. You may go."
"Yes Sister Hilda," Nancy replied, getting to her feet and disappearing out of the clinical room. As she did so, Sister Hilda let out a sigh of relief, her whole body slumping as she did so.
"Are you alright Sister?" Phyllis asked kindly.
"It's been a rather long week," Sister Hilda admitted, "a trying week," she elaborated.
"I'm afraid that this occurrence must be related to Sister Julienne, before she meets either new resident, hominidae or piscine," Sister Monica Joan remarked.
"I'll telephone the Mother House later this afternoon," Sister Hilda replied. She paused for a moment and then said, "Phyllis, do you mind holding the fort, just for an hour?"
"Of course, Sister Hilda," Phyllis replied, a quizzical look spreading across her face, "are you going somewhere?"
"I just need a walk, to clear my head, to think," Sister Hilda stuttered.
"I understand Sister," Phyllis confirmed, "take your time."
Sister Hilda smiled appreciatively at Phyllis and, spinning on her heels, made her way out of the clinical room. Once she was out of earshot Sister Monica Joan began to lilt, "'O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms, so haggard and so woe-begone?'"
"Is that Keats again?" Phyllis enquired.
"La Belle Dame sans Merci," replied Sister Monica Joan.
"Sister Hilda is hardly merciless," Phyllis remarked with an air of confusion in her voice.
"It is a tale of an encounter with one capable of bringing both sorrow and joy in equal measure. I believe our warrior has met the faery's child," Sister Monica Joan added knowingly, much to Phyllis' bewilderment.
Sister Hilda slipped out of Nonnatus House and immediately headed in the direction of the East India Dock Road. Crossing between the heavy traffic, she aimed for the granite and Portland stone edifice at whose feet, all those years ago, she hoped she'd buried her past. Checking to ensure she was alone, she paced uneasily across the churchyard. The last remnants of the summer's wildflowers punctuated the grass, long and straggly between the rows of marble. Weaving her way through, she stopped at the corner of All Saints' church. She sat herself on the dusty ground, placed a hand against the spot so dear to her heart and whispered, "Hello little one. I'm sorry it's been so long. Mummy's here now."
She wasn't sure how long she sat there. Not long enough to express everything she was feeling, long enough to know that Phyllis would question her punctuality when she returned. She felt an awful fool, spilling her heart to the child she carried, but never knew. But she could face no other at that moment. As she trudged back to Nonnatus House, she tried to rehearse what she wanted, and needed, to say to Sister Julienne. Yet equally, she tried to shake the image of Colette and Nancy out of her mind. So alike. So very alike. For each time she saw them, she imagined herself hand-in-hand with another. Another whom she couldn't quite envisage clearly, their image constantly flickering like an ill-tuned television set. Sometimes strawberry-blonde, other times dark-haired, other times the images combined into reddish chestnut. Male and female, brown and blue eyes interchanged. But always a hand in hers. Just one other.
Slipping back into the office, having made another strong coffee, Sister Hilda sat at the desk, composed herself, and dialed the telephone number for the Mother House.
"Sister Julienne speaking," soon came a familiar chirpy reply.
"It's Sister Hilda," she replied, apprehensive.
"Is everything alright?" Sister Julienne asked.
"Um," Sister Hilda began, knocking back a large glug of coffee as she did so, "Nurse Corrigan has arrived, with her daughter."
"Arrived?" Sister Julienne quizzed, "from where?"
"Fatima Lodge, the orphanage, via a lodging house, and a funfare, and a disappearance," Sister Hilda rattled, hoping somehow that the faster she said it the less likely her Superior was to register the catalogue.
There was an awkward silence on the line. Sister Hilda fidgeted uneasily. Eventually, Sister Julienne replied, "are they both well?"
"Little Colette is very thin, pale, and covered in bruises," Sister Hilda began, "and Nurse Corrigan is a little shaken and is bearing the scars of a skirmish between herself and the owner of the lodgings they stayed in. The phrase she used was 'he tried it on' with her."
A sharp intake of breath from Sister Julienne came in response to the damage report.
"Oh, and we've gained a goldfish," Sister Hilda added to the litany.
"Ah, whose first kiss has this one been named after?" Sister Julienne asked.
"What?" Sister Hilda enquired.
"Long story, don't worry," Sister Julienne replied, the mischievousness in her voice obvious even from Chichester. She then continued, more seriously, "do they know they are safe with us?"
"Yes," Sister Hilda replied, "I've told them that they can stay until you decide what happens next," she continued, gingerly passing the buck.
"I see," Sister Julienne purred, fully aware it would dent the remnants of her consoeur's haughtiness.
"Nurse Corrigan wants to continue her training and, ultimately, she wants to be a mother to her child," Sister Hilda continued, attempting to remain confidently assertive.
"There are significant barriers in the way of both those dreams," Sister Julienne replied, "and we both know it."
"Are they truly insurmountable?" Sister Hilda responded, pleadingly.
"She will not be able to train whilst caring for Colette, nor can Colette live permanently with us at Nonnatus. She needs some stability, and we cannot provide such a home," Sister Julienne replied.
"Then a foster home must be found for her," Sister Hilda insisted, "nearby, so that Nurse Corrigan can see her as often as she can."
"That can certainly be arranged," Sister Julienne mused.
"Please, can Nurse Corrigan continue to train with us?" Sister Hilda begged, "She has proven herself to be clearly capable and with some reining in, some love, and the knowledge that she's been accepted, she will thrive. I know she will."
"Your passion is admirable Sister," Sister Julienne began.
"She made a mistake." Sister Hilda interrupted, "how many of us could have been one decision, one mistake away from being in the same position as Nurse Corrigan, a pariah, forever defined by that action?" As she finished, she swallowed the lump that was in her throat. She bit her bottom lip in order to compose herself before asking, "what is the most loving thing we could do in this situation?"
After an awkwardly long pause, Sister Julienne replied, "a foster home for Colette must be found immediately. As for Nurse Corrigan, she deserves to at least finish her training. And she may remain under our roof in order to do so. She has no other home, and it is our duty to care for her." Sister Hilda's heart leapt for joy. "If, when the time comes," Sister Julienne continued, "she requires references, we will provide her with honest ones. But, neither you nor I can control her fate outside of Nonnatus House. Perhaps, soon, Nurse Corrigan's status in life may no longer preclude her from hospital nursing. It wasn't all that long ago that nurses could be neither wives nor mothers."
"Do you want to tell her all this?" Sister Hilda asked.
"No, Sister," Sister Julienne replied, "you are Sister-in-charge for at least the next, umm, twenty hours, so the responsibility for the occupants of Nonnatus House remains in your most capable hands." By the time she finished speaking, Sister Julienne could no longer disguise the glee in her voice.
"Yes, Sister," Sister Hilda replied, the tone of her voice dropping like a stone.
"I shall see you tomorrow," Sister Julienne chirped, "have a good afternoon."
Sister Hilda replaced the telephone receiver and finished her now luke-warm coffee. She sat with her head in her hands for a moment, wondering what to do next. The news for Nurse Corrigan could wait, she and Colette needed some time together, she couldn't deny them that, not today. But she needed to talk. And only one person would do.