Breathe me in, breathe me out,

I don't know if I could ever go without

- Watermelon Sugar, Harry Styles

It's an odd feeling, seeing the person you have a thing-that's-not-a-serious-thing and pretending that everything is normal, that you weren't just withering on his lap from an orgasm just 36 hours ago. Lily feels conflicted, the brief glances she catches from James show he's thinking what she's thinking but the normality of his behaviour around her in public is off-putting. She wants to yell at him to touch her, she wants to clasp his hand in hers as they walk down the corridor with their friends. But she knows that what they have is not a relationship. It's not serious, it's fun .

It's been 36 hours, a full day of classes, a night with no contact and a morning class with only a brief cheeky smirk from him. Lily has no idea how to initiate what she wants from him. She doesn't even really know what she wants from him exactly, she just knows that she wants him . What they had the other night. The all-consuming attention, the electrifying buzz of his touch. But how do you approach someone and get that without asking and making yourself look like a fool? James Potter is too suave for Lily Evans. Her ex-boyfriend, Chris was sweet and always asked to hold Lily's hand, always sought out Lily's approval before making a move. Lily thought it was nice and respectful of him, but she knows with James it's different. He can still be sweet and he's definitely respectful when it comes to consent, but he doesn't treat her as if she's breakable and that's what Lily needs. Lily likes the dominance that James portrays, she likes him making the first move, she wants him to make the first move. She realises this isn't exactly fair, James has been the one chasing her for years which probably means she needs to be the one to show interest this time around but she can't help but want James Potter's attention.

At lunch, James finally makes an inkling of a move. He sits next to her. Now Lily has no idea how to react, she hasn't spoken to him one on one since their little note-passing in class the day before. She gives him a small smile before leaning over and grabbing the pitcher of orange juice. Her mind is racing, picking up every single move of his beside her. Her body aches from holding so much tension and she has to visibly roll her shoulders to relieve the knots in her back.

"You ok?"

Lily sips on her juice and nods her answer at James. His eyes dart to her shoulders and his eyebrows crinkle a little. All of a sudden, a hand is gripping her thigh tightly and Lily has to urge a swallow of juice down her throat so she doesn't spit up all over herself.

It's the first physical contact he's giving her since that night. She doesn't know how to act, it seems like a very secretive move, him touching her underneath the table, his eyes on his food and his attention partially on his friends' conversations around him. She supposes it could just be a way for him to comfort her, noticing her discomfort and assuring her it's ok. She wants it to be that way but Lily, being Lily, always has doubts. She's never been quite lucky with trusting others. She has a mental fight about what to do in her head for the next few minutes until she looks up at James and finds him goofily smiling at Remus, his glasses are a little crooked on his nose and his cheeks are flushed. The sight makes Lily smile automatically, his happiness infectious and in that moment she pulls her hand underneath the table and places it on top of his. He moves slightly as if startled by her touch but he gently takes his hand off his thigh and clasps her hands in his. Such an intimate act should have Lily running, but instead she smiles down at her near-empty plate and can only think of James, James, James.

"Stop staring."

James immediately flicked his eyes back to his notes, feeling the hotness of a blush traveling down his neck, his hand reaching behind to calm the hot skin.

"Not staring," James mumbled back to Sirius.

"You can't keep your eyes off her. I thought this wasn't serious?"

James didn't reply, because let's be honest, it was serious and even if he told Lily they were taking it easy and just having fun, just having Lily's attention was serious to James. Instead James shoved the Charms textbook into Sirius' lap and rattled something off about finding the next term for their essay.

While Sirius huffed and groaned, flipping through the thin pages, James found his mind wandering back to Lily. He wanted to see her again, be with her and touch her. He hadn't had a chance to approach her since that night. Just holding her hand at lunch was enough to stir something deep within him, a sense of urgency.

She's sitting across from him in the library, her red hair falling in curtains around her face as she buries her head in her textbook. He also caught her staring at him earlier and he's been trying to catch her gaze ever since. But ever the O-level student, she's been glued to her school work, her fingers tapping against the table as she thinks. It's endearing, her ambition, her passion for school work and everything magical. He's always found her -what others would call swotty-ness- enchanting. Her stubbornness to get her assignments completed, her seriousness towards her Head duties. He was thrilled to find that the Head Common room boasted a big desk that she could use, that he could watch her use.

"You're creepy." Sirius drawled next to him.

James had been staring again.

"I haven't seen her since we -"

"Snogged?"

James rolled his eyes but mumbled a "yes".

"So you need to let out your frustration? You have your own room, Prongs - go sort yourself out."

James grimaces.

"I was eh - hoping to see Lily again.." He mumbles, his cheeks growing hot.

Sirius laughs lightly, and James whacks him on the arm, causing his best mate to yelp and for Mrs Pince to cough pointedly at the two.

Sirius groans and begins to pack up his work, never one to sit still for too long, he stands up and pulls his robes on.

"Gonna go meet Moony." He offers.

"What are you two up to?" James cocks an eyebrow. They don't normally plan pranks separately, James doesn't want to be left out.

But Sirius goes rather white and James furrows his brows.

"Nothing, just hanging out."

James would have pressed his mate but someone hovers above him and his eyes catch on something red.

"Lily," he breathes heavily.

Sirius scoffs but James doesn't respond. Instead, he's focused on sweet-smiling Lily Evans. A far contrast to the Lily Evans that normally hounds him in the library for being too loud.

"Hey, do you mind grabbing a book for me? It's too high." She gestures to the stacks, a shimmer in her green eyes promising something mischievous.

He loves this side of Lily. The mischievous, bold woman that appears every and now and then.

He thinks he hears Sirius chuckle behind him and say goodbye but he's not listening, he's too busy watching Lily walk away from him. She's left her robes at her desk, and instead he follows her slightly too tight grey skirt deep into the stacks.

He's in a world of his own as he follows her around corners, into the labyrinth of the Hogwarts library. He can't quite believe that Lily Evans is propositioning him so publicly. He still can't believe that Lily Evans wants him.

She finds a lone desk and sweeps the thin layer of dust from the dark wood. He takes a second to be astonished that she's found an area in Hogwarts that he hasn't paid attention to. She props herself up on the edge of the desk, leaning back on her palms as she smirks at him.

"Need help with a book, do you?" He cocks an eyebrow.

She rolls her eyes humorously.

"Well it's the only way I can get you alone. I thought we were having fun, Potter?"

Her legs are swinging back and forth playfully and her skirt rides up her thighs enticingly.

"We are." His hands are on her thighs in seconds, glued to the smooth pale skin. He nudges her legs open so he can stand in between them, looking down into her green eyes.

"We do have our own common room, Evans." He comments, enjoying the way her cheeks go rosy as she blushes. He traces her thighs with his fingers, relishing the way her muscles tense at his ministrations.

"Couldn't wait." She breathes heavily.

The admission shocks James. He's not used to Lily Evans folding so quickly.

"What do you want, Evans?" His voice is low, grueling.

She doesn't answer, she just tilts her head up towards his, eyes zeroed in on his.

"Or is it a case or what you need?" He speaks the word close to her ear, breathing the syllable's on her skin.

She shivers.

"Words, Evans."

James doesn't know what to expect from Lily, how she will react to his flagrant dominance. It's definitely not what happens next.

He feels warm fingers on his jaw, the fingers curving and bringing his face down to hers.

"I will only ever feed your ego when I need something from you, Potter. Remember that."

Her eyes are a deeper green this close, her pupils are blown and her cheeks are blood red. She's beautiful and fierce. An ultimate flame-fueled storm.

He chuckles, he can't help it. He thrives on this banter, on this passion.

"There's my girl." He mutters, before dipping his head and capturing her lips with his. He wants to devour her, he want's to taste every part of her but before he can deepen the kiss, pushing his tongue between her lips, she pulls away, grips his arms and forces him to stop.

"What do you mean?" Her eyebrows are furrowed.

He stumbles. Her eyes are flashing between his, a furious skepticism shown by her crinkled forehead. He tilts his head in question, the mannerism straight from Sirius.

"You said, 'There's my girl'. Like I was gone?"

He's fucked up. He knows he has. It's just taking him a little longer to figure out where. He threads a hand amongst his hair and forces himself to stay close to her, to not step away and ruin everything already. He hasn't even had a chance to really explain how much he likes her, to show her how much he likes her.

Her hand curls around his bicep.

"I just meant- I mean I love this side of you. This fierce, dominant you. Not that I don't like you underneath me withering, but I fell - I mean I like you because of your stubbornness, because of your spirit." He rambles and he trips on his words and he's sure he's chosen the wrong nouns to use, especially so quickly.

He's realised he's stopped looking at her, he's gazing above her shoulder, his eyes blurring at the window behind them.

Her grip tightens and brings him back to her. She's staring at him fondly and it makes his heart jump in his chest. He's only ever seen her look at her close friends like that.

"Ok. You can kiss me now." She smiles, a dimple appearing in her left cheek.

A comforting rush ripples through him as she pulls him closer. The fact he's actually said the right thing flies from his thoughts as soon as her lips touch his. It doesn't take long for their snogging to escalate. Lily's hands are wandering south, down his chest to his trousers. He's wearing a belt and it slows down her fervent touches, making her detach from his lips so she can focus on the buckle. But her detachment leaves James' thoughts to bound back. They're in the library, a public library, in which any student or teacher could stroll past. He knows Lily would never take somewhere that they could easily be caught but he also doesn't want to chance a roam student walking past and finding James and Lily with no clothes on. Because at the rate their hands are going, that's what's going to happen.

"Lils," He breathes into her neck, looking down at her hands and grasping them with his. She stills hesitantly, and pulls away to look at him properly.

"Are you ok?" She asks.

"Not here." He mumbles, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of her lips, desperate to vanish the concerned expression on her face.

She pulls her hands away and he watches as the red flush floods her cheeks again.

"Come to my room tonight?" He asks.

She nods, and he cups her face with his palms and pulls her in for a slower kiss. Savours the taste and remembers the touch before he pulls away and helps her off the desk.

She laughs as he rights his uniform again and he watches as she runs a hand through her curls. They walk back hand in hand before they turn a corner in which they know students are studying. She squeezes her hand before she lets go and she offers him a shy smile. It's that moment in which he realises how far he has fallen. He's just had her feverish and wriggling, her ebullient spirit grasping his collar and demanding more, needing more and minutes later he's got her blushing and smiling shyly at him.

She's shuffling from foot to foot outside his room. Nerves a plenty.

She's never been in a boys room before. Never had been invited to a boys room before. She's not sure if she's ready to go any further with him, it seems a little fast for them right now. Just weeks ago they were at each other's throats, her feelings for him complicated.

Her past relationship feels nothing like this. Her ex-boyfriend Chris was soft, sweet and to be frank, a little mundane. He was a Muggle after all, and thus Lily wasn't able to be completely transparent with him. It dulled something in her, and coming back to Hogwarts made her realise that he dulled her magic. Her magic was a vital part of her, and she didn't want to hide it.

She knocks on his door, the awkward tapping making her recoil and step backwards in embarrassment. What was she doing? Was she supposed to knock?

He flings the door open, a wide smile on his face. His hair is tousled a little more than usual and her eyes travel down his tall frame. He's not wearing a shirt, and all she can think is abs, abs, abs. His hips are slim and the muscles pointing downwards make her eyes stop on the dark blue flannel of his pajamas.

"Sorry, let me put a shirt on. I just got out of the shower." He mumbles, his cheeks glowing a healthy pink. She steps forward before he can wander off, grasps his forearm and forces him to stop.

He looks at her expectantly, his eyes wide beneath his glasses.

"No need." She bravely states.

He laughs softly and he makes use of her contact but pulls on her arm and into his chest. He kisses her forehead and whispers a mellow "hi".

James Potter is truly an enigma.

One minute, she's processing the barmy, loudly and arrogant Potter that she's been to school with for the last six years. Next minute, she's flabbergasted by his softness, the sincerity of his words spoken just for her. It's another side of James she had been drinking in steadily since she started living in shared quarters with him.

She pulls back and smiles up at him.

"What?" He smiles back at her.

She shakes her head. She has no idea why she says it, why she feels the need to be vulnerable right now. Maybe it's because she's in his arms, maybe it's because he opened the door to her with no shirt on and he instantly went to cover himself. Or maybe it's because he said hello softly and kissed her forehead so sweetly, it opens up something in her that's desperate to be honest.

"I was just nervous, and now I feel stupid." She chuckles.

James smirks, but it's a more honest smirk than usual. Not one out of malice or pure teasing. It's about knowing something.

"You're not stupid. I was nervous too."

"Was?"

"Feel better now that you're here." he mumbles, squeezing her before letting go and pulling her hand into his and leading her to his bed.

"I didn't ask you here to fuck you, Lily." He says bluntly, making Lily pause and gape the shirtless boy in front of her.

"Right." She gulps.

He smiles fondly at her and climbs onto his bed, leaning against the headboard and gesturing for her to sit beside him. She slots easily into his side, his arm curving around her back and nudging her closer. He smells heavenly, spicy and creamy all at once.

"Remus mentioned something about 'this' yesterday." He begins.

She frowns. "What?"

"He just wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing."

"You mean, with me?" Lily tilts her head up to look at him properly. He moves her head underneath his chin and sighs.

"I think he's right to be worried. Don't you?"

Lily's about to pull away, her anger rising quite quickly but James pulls her closer and squeezes.

"What I mean is, I think we should talk before things go further."

"I thought we decided this was just for fun."

"Yes, that's true and I do want to have fun. But I also think it's smart to talk about what we want, about where we stand with each other."

Lily does pull away this time and she gives James a calculating look.

"Who are you and what have you done with James Potter?"

His serious gaze quickly turns soft. A small smile pickling in the corner of his lips.

"I'm not all pranks and games, Evans. I was brought up by a very loving mother. She would disinherit me for treating a woman badly."

"But you aren't treating me badly?"

"I know and I would never. But I also want to make sure you know that you aren't a game for me, Lily. Yes, this is fun but I was hoping we could establish what we are to each other." His voice goes quiet at the end of his sentence and that's when Lily realises how serious this whole thing is to him.

She's had a few nights to fully digest what had happened between her and James that night in her room, she's had days to comprehend their conversation and their admissions to each other about fancying one another. She's had time to back out, to freak out and to escape.

She turns around to fully face him, crossing her legs beneath her bum and looking him in the eyes.

"I've changed my mind."

He blinks and a eerie whiteness blankets his face.

Quickly, she continues.

"I don't just want fun. I want you. My last relationship was boring, James. It was so boring and so mundane and I felt like I couldn't be me because I was hiding a huge part of me. Even this summer - yes I had as much fun as I've ever had - but I couldn't be me. I had to hide where I went to school, I had to hide my ambitions, my aspirations. I even had to change the way I spoke! I went a bit out of character this summer, and I think I needed to. I needed to get out of that giant hole I had dug myself in. Yes, my mum died. Yes, my sister wants nothing to do with me and my father has no idea what I'm doing half the time. But Hogwarts is my home. It's me and coming back has made me happier than I have been in a while. And working with you, getting to know you more - well that's made me happier too. If committing to you means I get to look forward to you making me laugh every day, to feeling you, kissing you, then yes."

She takes a deep breath after he spiel and her heart thumps so heavily she's sure he can hear it.

He's giving her nothing. Just stares blankly.

"Really?"

She can't help but laugh. The absurdity of the conversation, the vulnerability she had just shown and the reply she receives.

"Yes, really."

"Fuck, Lily. I thought I was going to scare you away. Are you sure?"

She smiles now. Relief washing through her.

"Can I kiss you now?" She asks.

He wastes no time pulling her towards him. Lily sliding onto his lap and resting her knees on either side of his hips. He kisses her deeply, the passion returning once again.

Lily lets herself sink into his lap, lets herself smile into the kiss, fully appreciating the passion they have between them. How rare it is to feel so much and be so comfortable with another.

"Wait." James says between short kisses. "Are we dating?"

"Only if you take me on fun dates, Potter." Lily grins before moving her lips to his jaw.

"You do know who I am, right?" He teases.

She smiles into her kisses again, sucking on the delicate skin of his jaw.

"You don't have to hide from me, Lils. I want you to be you , only you."

She rolls her hips at those words, lets the brevity of them coarse through her body and transfer into energy just for him. She kisses him deeply again, brushes her tongue against his, begging for him to open. She pours every ounce of need for him, for her, into him. She takes her doubts and makes them disappear just by his touch. She doesn't want to feel unsure, she doesn't want to feel like she's pretending anymore. She wants him and him only.

Her hips rolling, his groans reverberating into her skin, she wants more, needs more.

"Please," She begs.

His hands grip onto her hips and he moans her name into her mouth. She's wearing her thin pajama shorts again, and she gasps as James threads his hand between the two of them to rub against her. The angle doesn't help, so he instead resorts to dragging his fingers softly against the creases in her thighs. Pushing her shorts up and tracing his hot fingers against the lining of her knickers. She wriggles on top of him, making her brush against his hardness. His lips press harsher against hers at the touch, punishing her for the contact.

"Lils," He breathes.

She takes that moment to pull away and press her palms against his thighs. She wriggles down, off his lap and onto his knees. Her hands grasp onto his pajama pants, pulling them down to let his erection bounce free.

"Lils, you don' t have to." James says softly, his hazel eyes dark beneath his glasses.

She smiles and continues to peel his pants off, settling between his legs and pulling her hair away from her face.

She's only done this once before and more out of curiosity than anything. She's never wanted to do this so badly.. She doesn't know if it shows on her face, if her innocence, her inexperience is obvious but he cups her face, strokes her cheeks and whispers, "You do not have to do anything you don't want to do."

She shakes her head, "I want to. Please."

He nods, and threads his fingers through her dark red hair, gathering it into a messy ponytail.

"I need to taste you." She says breathily.

"Fucking hell, Lily."

She smiles. She loves this sort of power. To have James Potter at her mercy, does something to her.

She begins by licking up his shaft, her eyes trained on his. Her pupils blown, she takes that as a cue to swirl her tongue around the tip, before sucking softly, eliciting a gasp from the boy withering beneath her.

She's listening to the sounds he makes, sliding her tongue down further when he grabs onto her hair tighter. She levels her eyes with his as she sucks, going deeper then before and focusing on not gagging. She's read enough in Cosmo to know what to avoid. She avoids teeth, she focuses on licking and sucking. She feels his free hand on hers against the mattress and he guides her to grip his length. He moves her hand up and down before letting go, his eyes on hers questioning, softly asking if it's ok. She tries to communicate with her eyes before she starts pumping with her hand, and she boldly returns her mouth to his cock. She starts getting into a rhythm now, allowing her to go deeper and eliciting a louder moan from James.

"Lils, I'm not going to last much longer." She swirls her tongue around his tip again, "what did - did you want to do?"

She cocks an eyebrow but James eyes are squeezed shut. She removes his cock from her mouth and continues to pump him.

"Potter. I said I wanted to taste you. Don't hold back now." She smirks and James hits his head on the bed's headboard in frustration.

"You're going to be the death of me, Evans."

She likes hearing him say her surname like that.

Her mouth and tongue returns, lapping up lavishly, her hand pumping. She watches as his stomach tenses and shortly afterwards she feels his grip on her hair tighten.

"Lily, I'm coming."

She feels him tense, and she doesn't wait long until he spills into her mouth. She doesn't gag, she swallows heavily and laps at him until he's relaxed and putty underneath her. She lifts herself off and crawls up to his side. His eyes are closed when she reaches him and she kisses his neck.

"Fucking hell," he breaths quietly.

She laughs and he pulls her tighter into his side. Opening his eyes, he looks down at her and cups her cheek.

"What did you just do to me?"

She laughs, "I sucked your cock?" This makes James choke and he laughs through the shock, his chest vibrating against her side.

"Merlin, that mouth of yours."

"I'm - I'm not that experienced with uh- doing that."

"Now you're shy," He chuckles. "I would never have guessed Lils, your mouth was born for that."

She rolls her eyes humorously.

"You've done that before though?" He asks almost timidly. Shy enough for James Potter, at least.

"Once. I uh- didn't enjoy it."

"Did you enjoy it this time?"

She pulls herself onto her elbows and gazes at him, kisses him deeply before saying, "very much."

He smiles and kisses her again. Their kisses become languid, almost lazy and as he kisses her neck she closes her eyes and relaxes against the pillow beneath her.

"Are you tired?" He asks softly.

"Mhmm,"

"You don't want me to return the favour?" She can hear his smirk.

"I don't want this to be like that," she declares, opening her eyes and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Can we not owe each other things?"

He smiles and nods, before lying down and pulling her against his chest. She lies down and yawns, favouring the sound of his heart beneath her ear.

"You can sleep here, if you want." He murmurs.

She doesn't reply, she's jelly in his arms and within minutes she's fast asleep.