She had decided, like many nights before this one, that it would be her last on earth.

Long after she had turned off her desk lamp she sat there in the darkness unable to stop herself from trembling. She couldn't bring herself to end her own life, when it came down to it she knew that she didn't have the heart. Instead, hidden away underneath her notebooks, was a small container of breath mints. But in reality they weren't breath mints, she had stolen a few sleeping pills from her father's medicine cabinet.

She closed her eyes and leaned against the headrest, too tired to stop crying. On nights as bad as these she would detach from herself. She could see herself crying in her chair and then finally, with shaky hands, swallow the copious amount of pills. To any other person it would look as if she had fallen asleep staying up late studying but her mother would begin to worry.

After calling her name a few times she would come upstairs to her room, her worry masked with anger. Her mother, a hot-blooded woman that gave up a demanding job as a cook, would try to shake her awake but be mortified at how cold she was.

It all began to spiral down from there.

She could see the few people huddled around her grey grave on a grey morning. Besides her family she surmised that Hayato would be there as well. His usual placid expression broken with grief and she knew that he would blame himself. All of them unable to comprehend how, or why she had done it.

'She had so much to look forward to.'

'I just don't get it.'

She could already hear everyone at school shaking their heads in disbelief. But in time, she would fade into the recesses of their minds before vanishing completely.

It was all too much.

Light began to bleed into the room and from downstairs she could her father's car leaving for work. She steadied her breathing, grateful she had made it through another night. Yet, also scared if the next time would be worse and if she could handle it.

xxx

Once again, and not surprisingly, he had gotten the lowest marks in the class. Trying to save face he received the paper nonchalantly and quickly stuffed it into his bag when no one was looking. After class was dismissed he skimmed the halls until he located familiar red hair and steered him away from the crowds. "Yasutomo," he said jovially despite the evident scowl on his face, "I have a problem," He growled as he held up the crumpled piece of paper, Shinkai gave a low hum at the various glaring red marks all along the page. "Sorry, but I'm not very good at literature." He placed his hand on his shoulder in a consolatory gesture despite his growing glower. "Fuku-chan is going to disembowel me." He took back his test and gave an annoyed huff seeing as his plan of asking Shinkai was pointless.

The young red headed man suddenly snapped his fingers with a bright expression. "I may not be able help you but I know someone who will!" Arakita gave out a string of protests mixed with profanity as he was dragged to the gardens. Tucked away near the running track was an oddly displaced walkway littered with shrubbery, he never came here seeing as it was a prime make out spot but today it was empty.

At the far end of the walkway was a small fountain that was constantly bubbling over the smooth rocks before settling into the small pond. A figure sat on a nearby bench engrossed in a small novel as they mouthed the words to themselves deftly. Arakita studied her, drinking in her features. He had never seen this girl before.

"Kei-chan!" The girl jumped in response and gave him an indignant look. He gave her a sheepish grin as she chastised him for startling her. She was surprisingly tall seeing as they almost saw eye to eye, he thought she was the type of girl his mother would like. They locked eyes and he saw a brief flash of, wait what was that? She gave Shinkai a meaningful look and he wondered if he was missing something.

"Ah, well, this is my good friends Kei, she's the best when it comes to literature; modern, classical, contemporary-"

"You give me too much credit, Shin," She cut him off with her eyes narrowed, and turned her gaze onto his friend and regarded him levelly. "Have you met Yasutomo?" She shook her head and inclined her head curtly. Arakita wanted to groan out loud, this was just like Shinkai. He threw his well-mannered friend a murderous scowl, fully revealing the pink of his gums, "Alright, here," He shoved his hand into his bag and retrieved the thoroughly demolished literature test.

They both watched her as she silently read the page over. Arakita began to broil with anger at being judged, "If you don't want to help then fine, I don't need it." Wordlessly, she took out a pen and fluidly took off the cap with her teeth. She jotted down a few lines on the page and handed it back to him looking slightly satisfied.

"I'm free most days. Let me know when you want to get started." Arakita tried to mask his astonishment with apathy as she threw her bag over her shoulder. In neat, almost script like text, was her name along with a sequence of numbers. She gave a lazy wave before heading out, and for the life of him he didn't know why he felt as if he won something.

xxx

That night sleep came quickly and covered her in a thick veil.

She was at the edge of a great expanse of water. It stretched on into eternity and she realized that it was the end of the world. The crisp air filled her lungs albeit with a slight burn, in the distance she could hear every birthday that had come to pass. Taking a small step followed by another she became enveloped in water until it reached up to her neck.

It was a return to a home long lost.

It trickled up past her ears and then sweet silence; bliss.

xxx

There was some sort of strange lull that hung around Fridays, especially at school. Arakita didn't know whether it was a mass anticipation of the weekend or if it was the dread of a never ending cycle doomed in repetition. Whatever it was, it was boring, and there was a constant itch in his legs for racing. He was particularly restless today. He held a fist to his cheek as the teacher droned on some nonsense when the girl's voice diagonally from him began in an excited whisper; "What a slut right?"

Usually he was uninterested in the common gossip of the day but then his curiosity piqued when a familiar name tumbled from her lips. "I can't believe they're friends, Kijima is such a cold bitch." He felt as if someone had pinched him roughly and he sent them one of his best scowls. They immediately straightened up and he gave a smug look. So she wasn't popular. That wasn't surprising. Before yesterday he had no idea she even existed but he rationalized that may be a good thing. If a girl was well-known in school it either was for very two different reasons.

Once the bell had signaled for a break he yawned lazily as he made his way towards the one vending machine that offered his prized drink. Taking a long drink he gave a content sigh before a familiar figure rounded the corner, his grip around his drink tightened.

She hadn't noticed him, thankfully, since she was preoccupied with digging through her bag. Her long hair was tied loosely to the side with a few strands framing her face, feeling his throat run dry he took another drink from the bubbly beverage. If he admitted to himself that she was in fact the prettiest girl he had ever seen, he would never forgive himself. Finally, she fished out a pair of black earbuds as she tucked them into her ears their eyes locked.

His bepsi was half way towards his mouth and he thought he must look incredibly stupid. Shit. The corners of her mouth twitched into a gentle upward slope, she looked as if she was going to keep walking and inclined his head before striding off in the other direction unable to pinpoint the exact emotion on her face.

Gathering his things he hurried off the to the club room before being confronted by his stern captain. "An advisor spoke with me earlier," He certainly was blunt about it, Arakita threw Shinkai a glare wondering if he had squealed, "After the basic warm ups are completed, you are to go home."

"Hah?"

"Until you pass your next literature test with no less than an eighty you are suspended from core team training."

"Fuku-chan, are you fucking serious?" Arakita began sounding off until Hayato rushed over to restrain the hot-blooded teen. Fukutomi gave him a resolute look before taking off towards the club room, "Get a hold of yourself Yasutomo!" He shrugged off his grip roughly and gave him a scowl, "I told you Kei-chan has no problem helping you." His kind words fell upon deaf ears as Arakita sauntered off thoroughly pissed off at the situation.

After he had cooled off with another bottle of bepsi, he reasoned that he had no one to blame but himself. Hesitantly, he pulled out his cellphone and grimaced. Before he could second guess himself he had found her number and waited as it began to ring. Some part of him didn't want her to pick up.

The call then connected and her voice sounded on the other side.

"Kijima-san, its Arakita." She paused for a split-second before greeting him with a murmur. "Ah, I was wondering if you're, uh, free this weekend?" Another small pause, god, he hated when she did that.

"Yeah I am. Is there any place in particular you want to meet?"

Ah, shit, he hadn't though this far ahead. "Not really," She hummed in response, "There's a café a few blocks from school, have you been there?" He had passed that café a few times on his way to feed that damned cat, they agreed on a time before hanging up.

xxx

She had gotten there early hoping the earbuds blasting her music would calm her nerves. Shinkai's kindness truly knew no bounds. By now it was midday and the overcast was growing by the minute, maybe it would rain so hard that he'd go home.

Just as she finished that thought he ducked into the small café looking characteristically disgruntled. Her mouth turned to cotton. He regarded her mildly before shrugging off his coat, "Have you gotten anything?" She shook her head and he nodded before heading towards the counter.

Kei thumbed through her novel listlessly. By what divine power is she going to survive the next hour or so? She stifled a sigh; these were certainly trying times. He returned with two small cups of steamy caramel, "I hope you like cappuccinos," Her eyes widened slightly at the gesture, but he gave no notice. They had decorated her cup with intersecting foamy spirals while his had small white paw prints around the rim, "You didn't have to," She began to reach into her pocket for some change when he waved her off, "It's the least I can do, so just drink it."

He watched as a small smile curved her lips while she took a small sip in response.

Kei thanked him and he felt her sincerity. Once they had finished their drinks she pulled out their literature textbook and he handed over his failed test. He couldn't take his eyes off her more than a few moments at a time; she tucked a few strands of hair behind her small ear while she bit her bottom lip in concentration.

"So is there anything in particular that you have trouble with?" He gave a shrug before leaning over the small table, "Most of it just sounded like stupid questions." He was so close; she could almost count his distinct lower lashes. "Alright then, let's go through the test." He studied her intently as she began to explain the question, her demeanor was calming and he understood she had a deep grasp on the subject. A small delighted expression flickered across her face from time to as she read out passages to him.

He sighed before narrowing his eyes, truthfully none of it made much sense. He held his tongue because he knew she would be disheartened, "So, how do you know Shinkai?" Her eyes darted to meet his before pressing her mouth into a tight line. "Our parents are old friends, so we kind of grew up together." He gave her a hard look and she squirmed under his gaze, "We seem very different, but I've always thought of him as an older brother, don't tell him I said that." He tried his best to conceal his amusement. What an interesting comment to add, he mused, and again he felt a nagging sensation in his stomach as if he was missing something.

"Are you getting hungry?" His abruptness startled but oddly excited her. "Yes, maybe a little." He leaned back in his seat and screwed his eyes shut in deep thought. "How does curry sound?" He said at last with a small smirk. "Sounds yummy, just lead the way." Her words excited her as much as his. What was it about him that made her feel like simple decisions were now daring?

They gathered their belongings and exited the café. Two black umbrellas sprang up in their stead and set off.

What initially started off as light conversation regarding bicycles and cats suddenly turned serious once they arrived at the curry spot. It was unassuming and thankfully empty seeing as the rain had not yet abated. Kei found it charming and could see why he favored it so. Once they had ordered and sat down, he leaned towards her slightly and asked in a lowered voice, "Not that you have to answer but why does every girl in our year hate your guts?" He honestly expected her to be offended at the comment and was surprised to find her silvery laugh echoing in his ears.

"That's a great question and that goes to show how much you know about girls." The tips of his ears burned hotly, and he was about to retort back when their drinks were served. "Don't think I don't know what they call me. 'Ice Bitch', 'Loner', it's all the same," she said dismissively waving her hand. "You're a fool if you base yourself on the opinion of others." Shinkai had actually told her that but she wanted to impress Arakita. That's new, she thought grimly.

He gave a low hum in response. This girl is something else, he mulled. Everything about her was pulling in him, absolutely everything. Their lunch had gone on without incidence and Kei was taken aback to find that Arakita was and wasn't what she had expected. He was surprisingly witty and charming, he kept his own in the conversation and always had an interesting comment. Yet at the same time he was impetuous as a child, getting riled up over the silliest of things. She was delighted by him and his company, her mind was constantly being stimulated by his capricious ways and she found herself not wanting it to end.

By now it was close to dusk and Kei had realized, suddenly, that she had to be back home by dinner. Taking it in stride, Arakita offered to walk her home. The rain was now reduced to infinitesimal droplets that clung to their coats. He was not the least bit surprised when they strolled up to a nice two-story home with two sleek black cars parked in the driveway. Rich girls, he inwardly sighed.

She didn't want him to go, but there's no way she could say that outright. Feeling herself emboldened by the wonderful day they spent together she turned to him and said, "Do you want to stay for dinner?" He regarded her levelly before answering, "Would your folks be alright with that?" Her heart leaped from her chest at his indirect confirmation. "Don't be silly," she started lightly before unlocked the door.

He was convinced that this was now a dream. He felt dazed stepping into her home and being greeted by her mother, who was equally if not even more beautiful in that hot mom way. Her home was full of warmth and love, and he felt that strongly whenever he was in her presence. Arakita would never have dared to dream that such a day like this would unfold so clearly and neatly. He felt like he was not even trying.

They had tried to squeeze in one more hour of studying when he had finally decided to end the dream, for they must end of course. She walked him outside and for the first time all day neither of them had anything to say. "Well," he began after a pregnant pause, "thanks for helping me. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Let's meet again soon, the next exam is only two weeks away." He gave her a smile which elated her to no end before heading off towards home.

xxx

Once he got home, he immediately hopped on his stationary bike and rode nearly fifteen miles. His body was crackling with unspent energy that he was itching to spend.

Afterwards, he collapsed onto the bed thoroughly exhausted. His entire body pulsated from being overworked. He rolled himself over onto his back and quickly fell into a deep sleep. Quite suddenly he felt a presence next to him. It was too dark to tell who or what is was. The weight shifted onto him and he shuddered as it pressed down on his sore body. It began to take shape in his hands. Soft, supple flesh felt like velvet as he trailed his hands up and down a taut waist. He let out a low groan as they pressed down on his pelvis again, this time more roughly. His clothes evaporated into nothing as he shivered against the cool air.

Slender hands found his and raised them above his head, in the distance he could hear a train rattling. The entire room began to shake and for a brief second, a light flashed overhead revealing his companion. He groaned involuntarily as his pelvis jerked needing to feel more. Her face came in another fleeting flash of light, he wanted to reach out and hold her against his body but her grip held him paralyzed. She lowered her face down to his and his body twitched at the feel of her bare breasts pressing against his chest. She began to whisper and as much as he strained to hear, he could not hear a sound. Her delicious entrance rubbed against his now exposed lower half and he suppressed the urge to moan.

His lower stomach began to coil in hot pleasure at her ministrations. He quickly grew stiff and grunted in shock as she began to lower herself onto him. The agonizingly slow and tight penetration had him clenching his teeth in blinding pleasure. She settled into a pace that had them both panting, he called out her name, but she said nothing in response but a sweet moan. She released his hands and they quickly latched onto her bouncing breasts, tugging and licking her nipples. Her moaning grew louder and she began to quicken her pace. Arakita let out a guttural growl that tore through his throat as she rode him wildly until they both came, convulsing, shivering into each other. He held her close and squeezed her ass roughly before her figure left his arms suddenly. The bed became terribly cold and he woke with a start.

The morning after he tried to put the dream in the farthest corner of his mind. However, he found a lingering itching sensation in his fingers. He grew increasingly frustrated at his inability to focus during class and excused himself to the bathroom.

He splashed his face with cold water twice before even looking at the mirror. Has he been reduced to shambles so quickly after meeting one pretty girl? He scoffed at himself. After he left the bathroom a sickening thought occurred to him. If this persists, he would have to see her but the thought left him in distress. Would he be able to stop after that, surely he can? His stomach was in knots all the way back to the classroom.

By the end of the day he was mildly disappointed that he had not seen her. It would be the first of many to come. Days turned to week since he had last seen Kei, his life quickly became consumed by training for the Inter High. Each day was riddled with grueling exercises and it became easier to put her out his mind for days at a time, but it was still not enough. He scarcely dreamt at night and when he did, he yearned for her.

While at school he was able to catch glimpses of her now and again. There was one hot afternoon she came by their team practice to drop off extra clothes for Shinkai. His mouth ran dry as he drank her appearance in. She had caught his gaze and gave a wave to which he returned half-heartedly. He scowled. And cursed Shinkai for ever introducing them. He was utterly bewitched by her but found the situation hopeless. She was well-off, had bright prospects after high school and he felt he would just end up humiliating himself in the end.

Yet. He longed to be around her again, to see her smile, to hear her voice. He would recall his enchanting dream and felt the fresh sensation again. He needed her. But he was biding his time.