A/N: Thank you to my latest reviewer, Arika Koski, who says, "I don't ship them! MarluxiaXLarxene is better!"
Good stuff. I'm glad to see there are real people reading & reviewing this fic and not just bots! Cheers!
Vexen was tempted to tease Marluxia and ask how much that would cost him, but suspected Marluxia might not take it well. "You don't have to wear clothes in my bed," he said, "but I'll bathe you."
"Well, with an offer like that it's hard to refuse." Marluxia smiled, leaning over Vexen to quickly peck at his lips.
Vexen pecked back at him, then spirited off to the bathroom to run a hot bath.
Marluxia happily followed after the blond, peeling off his shirt as he went.
Vexen was already naked and standing by the bubble-filled tub, and was arranging shampoos and soaps.
Marluixa slowed down as he entered the bathroom, sneaking up behind Vexen. "Boo." He said against his ear, before he stripped off the last of his work clothes.
"Hi," Vexen said, scooping Marluxia up in his arms bridal-style. "I've wanted to do that for awhile now."
Marluxia squeaked, grabbing onto Vexen's shoulders quickly. "A little warning never hurt, y'know." Marluxia said, but he wasn't really complaining. He nuzzled against Vexen's neck.
Vexen was tempted to just drop Marluxia in the water, but decided to lower him in gently instead. "You look almost as good out of your work clothes as you do in them," he teased.
"And here I thought you didn't like my work clothes." Marluxia said with a small pout. "Now stop talking and get in the bath."
Vexen climbed in, straddling Marluxia boldly. "Considering that I have many similar items in my closet... I suppose I was just jealous that you look better in those types of clothes than I do. More at ease, for one thing."
"That's because I've been wearing them since I was seventeen." Marluxia said with a sickly sweet smile. He leaned up, slinging his arms around Vexen's neck. "And you look just as nice in them, I'm sure."
"S-Seventeen?" Vexen gasped, pulling away.
Oops. Marluxia bit his lip. "I got kicked out when I left school. What else was I suppose to do...?" He said quietly.
"Why did you leave school?" Vexen was more intrigued than upset now.
Marluxia shrugged. "I hated it. All rules and dresscodes and blah." He laughed, just a little. "I wasn't cut out for it."
Vexen frowned. He never had liked people who were lazy about school, but he guessed he'd make an exception for Marluxia. "Well, I wouldn't know if I look good in my more risque outfits. You'd have to ask Xigbar about that." The last bit was catty, even for Vexen, but he hadn't yet fully accepted Marluxia's chosen profession and the fact that he'd been doing it for six years... it was too much for Vexen to handle right now.
Marluxia frowned right back, deciding to ignore what Vexen had said. Instead he started to scrub at his face, washing away the glitter and make-up.
Vexen scoffed and sat back on his heels. What was Marluxia frowning about? He retreated into himself and started going through his usual washing routines.
"This is why I like people like me." Marluxia mummbled as he sat back in the bath, staring up at the ceiling.
"This is why I hate everybody," Vexen replied, willing himself not to cry. Unfortunately, this had the tendency to freeze stuff. Like water.
Marluxia hissed at the sudden drop of temperture in the water, trying to get out of the bath but his limbs were simply frozen. "Vexen, /calm down./"
"DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" Vexen shrilled.
Marluxia flinched back as much as he could, before deciding that he had just as much right to be absolutely livid as Vexen. "Don't you dare yell at me!" Marluxia snapped. "Now fix the fucking water so I can get out."
"Don't presume to tell me what to do," Vexen snarled. "What are you going to do if I let you out? Leave? Of course, that's a given," Vexen answered himself. "Sleep around some more? You told me the day after we met that you could afford to buy out every restaurant in town. Clearly you don't actually need to work, and you'd rather whore yourself out than do something productive with your life, while ensuring that no one gets too close, because face it, who would let themselves fall in love with someone who sleeps around for money? There's no intimacy there and they could never trust that you wouldn't leave them for a higher bidder." Vexen really had to work at keeping the tears back now, but this time, he kept the water frozen willfully. He didn't want to cry, and not just because it would embarrass him. He didn't want Marluxia to leave him. He wanted to settle this. Or maybe he just didn't want Marluxia to leave. If he did, he might never come back, and Vexen wanted to make sure he had his say before he let his only friend besides Zexion go.
Marluixa felt as if he'd had his heart ripped clean out of his chest. He stared, wide-eyed at Vexen, silent. And then slowly his expression crumpled, and perhaps for the first time in six years he burst into tears, his face burning and his breathing becoming harsh and stuttered. "F-fuck you." Was all he could hiccup out.
Vexen was puzzled, then regretful. He'd forgotten in his tirade that Marluxia was a real person with real feelings, not just a trinket that could be auctioned off. He realised he'd been treating Marluxia more as a commodity than a person the entire time he'd known him. Yet now he went back to struggling not to cry for the same reasons as before. He didn't want to crumple, didn't want to give in. Meanwhile, in the living room, Zexion frowned. "Did it just get twenty degrees colder in here?" he asked Lexaeus.
"L-let me go, Vexen." Marluxia said through gritted teeth, trying desperately to control his sobs. He didn't need this. No one was worth this.
"I can't," Vexen whispered, not trusting himself to say anything more. He forced himself to keep the water at the same temperature- meaning not let it get unbearably cold- but just ended up lowering the overall temperature of the room (and the apartment, though he didn't know it).
Marluxia bit back the string of curses he wanted to let tumble out, he simply glanced away from Vexen, his teeth chattering with the cold.
Meanwhile, Zexion had become quite sure that the temperture had dropped and, annoyed, he planned to find the source of it. He stormed over to the bathroom, opening the door- and staring. "...What the -hell- is going on in here?"
"None of your business," Vexen yelled back.
"Well, whatever you're doing, stop messing with the tempertures." Zexion snapped, then promptly turned and shut the door behind him. Marluxia was still looking every else but at Vexen.
/Oops./ thought Vexen sheepishly. "I can't help it," he yelled back at Zexion, though he doubted his roommate could hear him. "What are /you/ crying about?" he asked Marluxia. "You can't possibly be hurt by what I said."
"Fuck. you!" Marluxia hissed. "Don't you dare. Just shut up and let me out."
"What did I tell you about telling me what to do?" Vexen snarled. "How can you possibly be hurt by anything I said? It's all true, isn't it? /Isn't it?/"
Marluxia bit down on his lip. He wouldn't reply, he wouldn't take the bait. He just sat there, glaring and fighting back another bout of tears.
Vexen continued his tirade. "I know you only 'rescued' me that night because Zexion wanted you to, not because you were jealous or worried or wanted me for yourself... you did it for the drinks and you know I couldn't keep you in the lifestyle to which you've undoubtedly become accustomed. I like you, but I can't afford to let myself-" He thought about the next few words. "I- I can't afford to l-let myself feel anything m-more for you," he whispered. "And I can't bear to let you go."
"You should of thought about that before you chewed me out like that." Marluxia seethed. at this point, he didn't care what Vexen 'felt' for him. the truth stung, and had left a gaping hole in his pride. "You'll never see me again when I get out of here."
"Then I'm never letting you out," said Vexen simply. "It's not like you said anything to defend yourself or help me see your side of it."
"I don't have to explain my actions to you." Marluxia spat. "You don't know anything about me, the way I grew up, the decisions I had to make."
"Then I'm stuck with making assumptions about you that you won't like," Vexen hissed. He'd been hoping that Marluxia would say he wasn't just a whore, that he was worth more than that, and that he cared for Vexen as a friend at least. The dam broke- Vexen couldn't hold in his tears any longer and as soon as he felt the water warm up, he lunged for Marluxia, pinning him hard against the sloping tub wall, his giant green eyes blazing acidically.
Tonight seemed to be a night of rediscovering emotions for Marluxia- for the first time in a long time, Marluxia felt a twinge of fear when he looked up at Vexen. He squirmed against the blond's hold, but it was useless. "Vexen. Let me go." he said, as sternly as he could.
"Never," hissed Vexen, a cruel smile gracing his face through the torrent of tears. He brought a hand down and splashed water onto Marluxia's chest and arms, freezing it so he knew Marluxia was secured to the wall, then grabbed Marluxia's hips and tilted them upward, forcing the younger man's legs apart with a bony knee.
The fear quickly blossomed into anger. With his chest frozen, Marluxia's breaths were coming in short already. He pushed his hips down again, and clamped his legs shut as best he could. He wasn't going to make it -that- easy for Vexen.
Vexen smacked Marluxia hard on the thigh, forcing his legs apart again and this time, splashing water onto Marluxia's thighs and icing them to the walls once he had Marluxia's hips back in position. "The more you resist, the more painful this will be. What's the matter? Don't you do this kind of thing for a living?" Vexen taunted, not caring how cruel he sounded. He was hurt, angry, and felt profoundly unloved. If he couldn't make Marluxia love him, he could at least make him sorry for hurting him.
Marluxia gritted his teeth, glaring up at Vexen but tears fell nonetheless. "Pig." He spat, trying to will his legs to move but it was in vain. The ice stung him, but he so desperately wanted to fight and scream- Scream. That was an idea. "If you do this, I will scream. I'll scream this whole fucking building down."
Vexen scowled, grabbed a hand towel off one of the lower-placed towel racks, dipped it in the water, and twisted it into something that closely resembled a filler gag, which he put in Marluxia's mouth and tied. He wouldn't freeze that just yet.
"Mmmmph!" Was about the only sound Marluxia could make, and the panic of being defenseless kicked in, and kicked in -hard-. He thrashed, as much as his constraints allowed him to, and he was working up all the abuse he would haul at Vexen when he was free, plotting all the damage he would do to him.
Vexen didn't bother trying to stop Marluxia from struggling. He couldn't break the ice, and if he did, Vexen would just freeze him again. He pressed a finger inside Marluxia, preparing him. There was no need to be completely brutal about this.
Marluxia threw his head back, because that was about the only part of him that he could move, and screwed his eyes shut. His mouth was horribly dry, and he yelled against the gag nonetheless. His face burnt and his eyes stung from the tears that blurred his vision.
Vexen had never had this much power over someone before. Hell, he'd never even had this much control over his own power. It was heady, exhilarating, almost enough to block out the feelings of pain and heartache that pervaded every time he was reminded about Marluxia's profession, or people like Xigbar who'd sleep with anyone given the chance, or people like Zexion who'd stoop to bribing someone to interfere with Vexen's life, when destroying himself was the only revenge he could take.
He added a finger, ruminating as he continued to prep Marluxia, probably for longer than necessary. He'd always been the meek one, quietly going about his business, whether it be school or work, with an intensity alien to his peers. He'd had bursts of temper, never learned to control his emotions in a satisfactory manner, and the cryogenic mutation just made things worse. His fingers moved in Marluxia quickly, angrily, picking up speed the harder he angsted. He'd like Marluxia, genuinely fallen for him, or so he thought. He couldn't trust his own feelings, couldn't trust anyone around him, couldn't even trust himself. He knew Marluxia would hate him after this if he didn't already, but what did it matter? He'd never meant anything to begin with. He removed his fingers and thrust in his cock before Marluxia had time to adjust.
Against the gag, Marluxia screamed, then choked and tried to cough. His chest burnt as much as his face and the lower half of his body and he cried. He had endured worse, much worse in his life but this was someone he knew- someone he liked- being cruel to him, hurting him in more than one way, and he could do nothing to defend himself against it.
Vexen pounded mercilessly into Marluxia, taking out all the pain and frustration, all the hatred, all the everything he'd endured throughout his life on Marluxia. He knew he'd never see the man again after tonight, so why not go out with a bang? He'd make this a night to remember, and he wouldn't let himself live long enough to regret it. He reached up, grabbed his razor blade, and made a long gash on his forearm, elbow to wrist. It didn't hurt at first, and Vexen mirrored the cut on the other arm. His right arm wasn't as steady as his left and he ended up making a deeper cut, but it didn't matter. Marluxia could hate him as much as he liked and by the time he left it would no longer make a difference. He grabbed Marluxia's hips with both hands, squeezing, kneading the flesh, forcing his circulation to be stimulated, forcing the blood out.
Marluxia was -almost- grateful for the ice that numbed most of his body, because he had no doubt that the horrible, burning, tearing sensation that ran through his body would be a million times worse if it wasn't for the ice. But his breathing was getting worse, rugged and shallow- and then he caught sight of the blood. It was everywhere, and for a moment Marluxia wasn't sure who's it was. His heart hammered against his chest, threatening to break through it. He had to /do/ something.
Now that he was dying anyway, Vexen decided it didn't matter if Marluxia tried to kill him. He melted the ice trapping Marluxia to the tub and continued pounding into him, though sorrow had overtaken him and he was wracked with sobs. It was ironic that he'd die completely alone in heart and soul while performing the most intimate act. He clung to Marluxia, pulling him close, holding him almost tenderly now as he grew weary and weak from loss of blood. He pushed himself in as deep as possible and ejaculated joylessly, then collapsed, both arms bleeding more freely than before, tears streaming down his face.
"V-Vexen." Marluxia whimpered, shaking the blond who lay on top of him. His anger had melted, and he swallowed the feeling of betrayal. He was left with raw panic. Quickly, but shakily, he sat Vexen up and climbed out of the tub. He could barely walk, but he managed to grab some towels. He sat beside the bathtub and pulled Vexen's arms over the side, wrapping the towels around them as tightly as he could. "Y-you idiot! Idiot!" He'd ran out of tears, but his voice was still shuddery. "Why would you d-do this?"
Vexen opened his eyes weakly. "I have nothing to live for," he said slowly, thickly. "Why do you care? You hate me. You should be gone by now."
"You think I would let you die?" Marluxia's face and voice were strained, his whole body shaking. He shook his head, grabbing more towel to replace the ones on Vexen's arms, which were quickly becoming soaked. "Jesus, I'm not that heartless!"
Vexen blinked up at Marluxia. He knew Zexion couldn't have possibly interfered this time. Then did Marluxia actually care about him? He sniffled, then started crying again. "I made a terrible mistake," he whispered. "I misjudged you, Marluxia."
"No shit." Marluxia said, and he leaned into Vexen's face, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his cheek to his. "And now look what you've done. You idiot. Idiot. We have to get you to a hospital."
Vexen blinked at the hug. "No, we don't," he said quickly, removing the towels and carefully freezing the wounds, then wrapping his arms around Marluxia and pulling him close. "I'll be weak for a while but... I don't like needles or trust doctors well enough to take a transfusion."
Marluxia flinched a little at the contact- he hadn't forgiven Vexen. He pulled back slowly, rubbed at his eyes. "Alright..." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "So long as you'll be okay."
Vexen pulled away at the flinch, his heart breaking again. He should have known better. Of course Marluxia wouldn't want to be touched after what had happened. "I don't want to recover," Vexen said stubbornly.
"I'll fucking make you." Marluxia said as sternly as his raw throat would allow him to be. He even tried a bit of a smile. "Come out of the bath."
Vexen shook his head but climbed out of the bath anyway. "You won't want to be around me once I'm well again. I'm surprised you even want to be around me now. I don't want to recover because once I do, I know you'll leave," he said, his voice cracking.
Marluxia stood as well, ignoring the pain as he fetched Vexen and himself a towel. He wrapped his around his waist and helped dry Vexen off. "Shut up, and wait and see what happens." Marluxia told him.
"I won't risk it," said Vexen. "I'd rather die here tonight with you by my side than live and never see you again."
Marluxia frowned, then slapped Vexen, although it wasn't very hard. "Snap out of it. I am not the only thing in your life. Killing yourself is fucking selfish and if you did it, I wuld truly hate you. I would spit on your grave. Now cheer the fuck up."
Vexen slapped Marluxia right back. "Don't tell me what to do. I don't want to tell you again, and don't tell me what to feel either. You'd forget me in a week, Zexion in a month. No one else would even take notice, so how the fuck is it selfish?"
"You don't know me." Marluxia snapped back. "You don't know if I would forget you, for all you know your death would leave me with a scar for life. You're assuming things about me when you barely even know me. I never forget anything, or anyone. I can name the first boy I ever had a crush on, the first sip of alcohol I ever had, the taste of my first kiss, so don't you dare assume that I would forget you."
"I'd just be one among thousands," Vexen snarled. "Even if you did remember me, it would hold no more meaning to you than any of the other men you've slept with."
Marluxia had had enough. his fraustration bubbbled in his chest, but instead of screaming at Vexen and storming out of the apartment, he turned away,hands in his hair and- laughed. He was laughing so hard it hurt, and tears streamed down his face. He braced himself against the bathroom wall as he laughed and cried and cursed all at once.
"Wouldn't I?" asked Vexen softly, not sure if he'd be heard above Marluxia's laughter. He wasn't saying these terrible things because he believed them; he was saying them because he was uncertain. He feared that they were true, rather than actually thinking they were, and wanted Marluxia to reassure him. He'd never been so open about what he'd felt before, never. "Maybe our tryst didn't mean anything to you," he continued in the same soft tone, "but it did to me. You're possibly the only person I've felt this way about, and I don't want to live to see you abandon me." He wasn't sure Marluxia had heard him, which was the only reason he was being so straightforward.
After a while, Marluxia gathered himself, wiping at his eyes and when he turned back to Vexen he was grinning and shaking his hands. "My Gods. You're an idiot." He said. "Have you ever listen to a word I've said to you? /Ever/?"
"If I didn't, do you think I'd be so upset?" Vexen countered.
Marluxia shook his head again. "I told you. I told you that I don't leave people." He said, stepping closer to Vexen, cupping his cheeks in his hand and forcing him down so that they were eye-level. "I never leave people. They leave me. I'm the one who should be terrified of losing /you/, you big drama queen."
"You've left me at least twice," Vexen pointed out. "And you were going to leave again."
"Yet I came back, yet I am still here. Gods, I should be gone. You raped me, I have every right to high-tail it out of here.' Marluxia said, he squeezed Vexen's cheeks a little, only gently. "I have a temper, I storm out, I avoid people, but I come back. Always. I run off for short times to calm down. I didn't have to come back to you, I barely knew you- know you, but-." He bit off his words. Surely Vexen got the point.
As smart as he was about things like chemistry, Vexen was completely dense when it came to other people. "You know me better than anyone," he said. "But I know so little about you. Why choose that kind of work when you can afford to live without it? And don't just say it's because you're good at it. That's a cop-out."
"I can afford the life I live now -because- of it, Vexen." Marluxia said, sighing quietly. "I burn money, if I gave up my job, I would be on the streets in a week. And...and I just can't deal with a 'normal' job. I would go crazy."
"I'd take you in if you didn't have anywhere else to go," said Vexen quietly, "and help you find something you enjoyed doing that didn't involve giving yourself to anyone with a hefty checkbook. Maybe I'd even be willing to take a second job so I could afford to give you some spending money. But we both know that's not going to happen because you like your job, and I can't ask you to throw it away for someone you 'barely know.' I suppose we're at an impasse. You have your fun with your clients and I'll have mine with my test subject."
"Jesus, Vexen. Are you seriously giving up on us just like that?" Marluxia frowned. He couldn't believe it. All of this, and Vexen was going to give up because of a job.
"What's this 'us' business?" Vexen asked, frowning, genuinely confused. "As far as I'm aware, we're two people my matchmaker roommate tossed together with a result roughly equivalent to nitroglycerin and napalm."
Marluixa laughed, just a little. "We had -something-, did we not? I don't just sleep with people outside of work for thrills, Vexen."
"I wouldn't know," said Vexen, trying for aloofness. "We barely know each other, remember?"
"That can be changed, Vexen, if you would sop being so stubborn and unbelievably fraustrating." Marluxia pointed out.
"You think I can risk changing for someone when I can't be sure what the outcome will be?" Vexen asked, his voice pitching even more oddly than usual with sheer hysteria. This was too strange for him. He could barely even comprehend what had been happening this past hour.
Marluxia sighed loudly. "My Gods." He muttered, and he did the only thing he could really do. He wrapped his arms around Vexen, and sighed again against his shoulder. "This is ridiculous."
Vexen was surprised, to say the least, and now even more confused than before. He cuddled Marluxia close to him, burying his nose in the man's pastel-coloured hair. "You always smell so fresh and sweet," he murmured randomly.
"I know." Marluxia smirked. He liked this. It was simply, and quiet and despite everything that had happened in the past hour, he was okay with it. He needed the contact.
"I'm sorry about earlier," Vexen said. "You didn't /fully/ deserve it. I wanted to make you m-mine-" He choked up, his heart shattering again. He let go of Marluxia and gently pushed him away. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." And he took off to his bedroom, wondering why he had to fuck everything up all the time.
Marluxia wasn't about to take that. He followed after Vexen, standing in his bedroom door. "Can't do what? Apologies? Touch me? What?" He asked, his head tilted to the said just a little.
"I can't allow myself to feel this way," Vexen choked out, the words muffled by the pillow into which he was yet again crying. "Not about someone like you."
"'Someone like me'?" Marluxia asked, his eyebrows raised as he came and sat on the side of the bed. He was getting an explanation before he got angry, or didn't.
"How can you not understand? In the grown-up world, you /are/ your job. Sex is ... intimate to me. Well, when I'm not inebriated. It's just a job for you. I can't allow myself to feel this way about someone who makes a living out of something like that."
Marluxia visibly twitched. "Well, excuse me for not living in the real world, but I believe that there is a differance between my job and my life. The sex is different. There's no passion in my job, I do as I am told. In real life, I express myself. I am passionate. I... love who I'm with."
"Shut up!" Vexen screamed, covering his ears. He could barely think about love- he certainly couldn't talk about it- let alone hear about it. "I'll be goddamned if you understand the first thing about love." He wasn't sure if he was talking to Marluxia or to himself, but the words came out harsh, angry, hateful. "You think anyone would risk loving you? I doubt you know the meaning of the word." He was barely intelligible now, being weak and woozy, heartsick, lonely, angry, sad, and profoundly depressed. The next words that came out of his mouth were unmistakably directed at Marluxia. "You think someone who loved you would really be comfortable with sharing you?"
Marluxia took the words like a physical blow, turning away from Vexen the minute he had spat the last word out. "I think that someone who truly loved me would understand and respect me and all of my decisions." He said quietly.
"We come from completely different worlds. You're wholly incomprehensible," said Vexen. He'd had enough of this chat. Dippig his fingers into the glass of water on his bedside table, he formed little icy claws and reopened the wounds on his arms. "I want to understand you... but nothing you do makes any sense to me," he gasped.
Scowling, Marluxia grabbed Vexn's arms, wrapping his bedsheets around the wound. "Cut it out." He growled. "And that's because you can't get over your own pigheadness and see that there are other ways of living and thinking about life."
Vexen scratched at Marluxia, making an angry sound as he unwrapped the bedsheets. /You can't possibly expect someone as needy and neurotic as I am to be comfortable with you giving yourself to whoever will pay for you,/ he thought. It took him a moment to realise he'd also said it aloud. He turned away in shame.
"You make me sound like a run-of-the-mill corner hooker, Vexen." Marluxia said, lips pursed. He snatched Vexen's ars again, ignoring the scratches he now doned, and he re-wrapped his arms.
Vexen pulled his arms away and unwrapped them again. "I wouldn't know the difference," he snapped. "Does it really matter? You trivialise sex on a daily basis. It ceases to become an act of true intimacy, with any real meaning. How do I know I'm not just another notch in your bedpost?"
Marluxia gritted his teeth. "We've already been over this!" He snapped, digging his nails into the palms of his hands rather than Vexen's face.
"But I don't understand!" shouted Vexen. "How can it possibly be special if it's something you do every night?"
"Passion, you idiot! Not that you would know, you've had sex what, twice? Once drunk." Marluxia scowled, but kept his voice down. "You're hardly one to lecture me on it."
"Both times with people who made me feel special. Well, in the moment," he corrected himself. "Once was planned and once was on a whim. And I meant as little to both." He turned over and crossed his bleeding arms, curling into a little ball of rumination.
"You don't know that. I wanted you just as much as you wanted me that day, and you know it." Marluxia said, leaning over Vexen. "We both felt special. You picked me to take your virginity, that you' obviously held onto so duitfully- how could I not feel special?"
"You're special, all right," said Vexen bitterly. "You're the most unique person I know and I can't fathom you. You go against everything I've been taught my whole life and I'm having trouble adjusting. I still want you. I want you every day, but I can never give into that want again. You know why."
"I really don't." Marluxia said flatly. "I have explained myself to you when I didn't even have to. I am still here. I still want you. I still want to give 'us' a go, you are the only one preventing anything."
"You accuse me of being stubborn and pig-headed, but you're just as bad," Vexen informed Marluxia, in a soft tone. "I've had to put up with over forty years of having my mother's values drilled into me. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I hear her voice in my head telling me what I should be doing instead, criticising every move I make. I'm always a nervous wreck, and that's not something I can just escape." He looked up at Marluxia. "I know you disagree with much of it, and truth be told I do as well, but I do believe that sex should be an act of love. I won't stop you from doing your job if it makes you happy, but I can't be in a relationship with you. Everything I'm thinking and feeling now- whether I'm as good as they are, as attractive, as- as anything, really, will just be compounded a million times. I'd be completely unsatisfied with not being your one and only, and I'd get drunk and sleep with anyone who would have me for revenge. That's why I can't do it."
"I can't and wn't choose between you and my job, Vexen." Marluxia said softy. He was so tired. His throat hurt from talking. He lay down on the bed, pushing his hair from his face. "We are going around in circles."
"I know. I couldn't ask you to. I'm making the choice for you," he whispered, making another gash on each arm.
"No." Marluxia snapped. "You don't get to decide for me." he said sternly. He sat up again, forced Vexen onto his back, and sat firmly on his stomach, holding his bleeding wrists. "If I can't tell you what to do, you can't tell me what to do."
"You can't have both, and you had your job first," said Vexen, lowering Marluxia's body temperature angrily. "You know I can't do this."
Marluxia shivered, but stayed still. "You won't even try."
Vexen shook his head. "Why can't you understand? I'm too jealous. You're better off without me. I can't be with anyone I have to share."
Marluxia let out a fraustrated groan, falling forwards to press his face to Vexen's shoulder while he slammed a fist down on the pillow repeatively. He almost said 'it's not fair!'.
Suddenly, something occurred to Vexen. "Wait," he said, gently pushing Marluxia up. "Sit up. I can take another of those pills I made and we can start over. I've been biased against being with you from the start because I knew about your job but... if I could get to know you as a person first, it may be easier. In fact... with a high enough dosage, I could erase most of my mother's programming. You see, the pills erase only episodic memories with strong ties to emotion and personaity- but never mind that." Vexen was talking fast, excited.
Marluxia frowned a little. "But... couldn't you lose some really vital stuff?"
Vexen thought. "Nothing I learned in school," he said. It may damage his relations with his boss and coworkers if he showed up to work not knowing who in the hell they were- but then, he might just forget he had a job in the first place. He decided not to mention this. "Don't try to stop me, Marluxia. This is the only compromise I can think of that has a chance of preventing this roadblock. I'm going to take ten of my little pills with milk. I won't know who you, Zexion, or anyone else is. When they've kicked in- with a high dosage, it should take less than five minutes- you need to tell me who Zexion is and that he can tell me where I work, et cetera. Inform him of this, but please, not now. Stay the night with me." Vexen's tone was imploring.
Marluxia frowned, extremely uncertain about this. "O-okay... But what happens when you find out what I do the second time round?"
"I may be against it at first but it won't be so stringently because I won't be under my mother's brainwashing," he said, reaching for the pills. "Please bring me a glass of milk."
Marluxia simply nodded, slipping off of the bed and out of the room. He returned not long after, holding the glass of milk he'd been asked to get. But before he gave it to Vexen, he leaned up and pressed his lips to the blond's. He smiled and winked as he pulled back. "For luck."
The last words Vexen said before he took his pills and milk were, "I love you, Marluxia."
Marluxia stared, wide-eyed at Vexen as he took the pills. He couldn't choke out a reply in time. He was truly stunned, he hadn't expected that at all.
Once Vexen had taken all the pills and drained the entire glass of milk, he lay back, closing his eyes and waiting for them to have the desired effect.
It occured to Marluxia that it would be hard to explain why he was standing in Vexen's room with nothing but a towel on, so he very quickly went through Vexen's stuff and found a few items of clothing that looked like they would fit and threw them on
Vexen squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. He was in a large, tastefully decorated room, done mostly in pale greens and blues. There was a pink-haired person in the room and a discarded towel on the bed. He also felt as though he knew a lot more than when he'd last gone to sleep. "Hello," he said curiously. "Are you my new babysitter?"
"Uhm, not quite. I believe that's going to be Zexion's job." Marluxia said sheepishly as he came to sit on the edge of the bed. "Zexion's your flatmate, he'll tell you where and what your job is and stuff... I'm Marluxia."
"I have a job? But I'm only-" Vexen stopped. He certainly didn't /sound/ like he was six. He stood up. Whoa, everything was so high up. He walked around the room until he saw the mirror on his closet door. "...I'm Vexen," he said instead, nonplussed. How old /was/ he exactly? Oh well. At least now he'd be able to do fun things instead of being taught the proper way to do this and that.
"Yes, you are." Marluxia smiled. But what else could he say to this new Vexen, who didn't know what he had said before he took the pills, who didn't remember everything that had passed between them in the past couple of days?
Vexen blinked as a new sensation overcame him. Yup, he was over 40. Yup, he'd spent half that time in school. But... who was he? "Hmm," he said, contemplating the much younger man in front of him. He could remember everything he'd learned in school, but no one he'd known, none of his teachers, or even if he had any friends. Everything around him was unfamiliar. He sat back down on the bed, unsure of what to say or do. "I assume that, as you're in what is presumably my bedroom, we've met and are somewhat intimate friends," he said.
"Uh, yes. Friends." Marluxia said with a small nod. "We haven't known each other very long, but we're pretty close. And this is your bedroom."
Vexen bounced up and down on the mattress a couple of times. Springy, but firm. He liked it. He crossed the room again and opened his closet door, then gasped. "M-Marluxia," he said. "There's a man tied up in here."
Oh shit. Somehow Marluxia had completely forgotten about Xigbar. "Uh, there's an explanation behind that... but I think it should wait." he glanced it his watch- jesus, they'd been fighting most of the night. It was early enough to justify coffee. "Let's go and get sme coffee, yeah? My shout."
"Please tell me I'm not a ransomer," Vexen groaned. "My schooling seems to suggest that I'm a chemist of some sort. But yes, let's discuss this over coffee."
"No, no. You're nothing illegal." Marluxia laughed a little, tossing Vexen some clothing- he was still only in a towel, and slipping out of the bedroom. "I'll just wait out here while you get dressed." He said through the door.
Vexen went into the closet, where the bound man looked at him with calculating eyes. "Hello there," said Vexen. "I expect you're tied up for a reason-" His eyes caught the broken window. "Probably because you broke in. I'll find some use for you though," he said, meaning this to be reassuring. He picked out the green turtleneck Marluxia had bought him when they'd gone shopping. He didn't know why, but he was strangely attached to it. He paired it with tight-fitting silver jeans and sparkling emerald platform Mary Janes.
Marluxia said nothing about Vexen's outfit when he stepped out, he merely smiled and led the way out of the building. "It's quite a walk, I hope you dn't mind." He said as he started down the street.
"Not at all. The fresh air will be good for me," said Vexen, following after Marluxia.
"That's true." Marluxia nodded. It was strange, refraining from looping his arm through Vexen's like he had done everytime the pair walked together. He shoved his hands in his pockets instead, staring a head of himself.
"Your hair is pink," Vexen said, stating the obvious.
Yes, I'm aware of that." Marluxia replied. "It was once red, but this is the color it faded to and it's never gone back."
Vexen was amazed He stopped walking and sorted through Marluxia's hair, looking at the roots. "It grows in pink?" he asked. "It's so soft..."
Marluxia shrugged. "I'm a freak of nature." He laughed, enjoying the feel of having someone's hands in his hair. "And thank you, I take very good care of it."
On a whim whose origin was a mystery to him, Vexen buried his nose in a handful of Marluxia's hair. It smelled... nice. Like roses, but there was something more. Like a pleasant memory he'd forgotten.
Marluxia was rather surprised at the bold action, but he let Vexen do it, clinging to the same memory Vexen was trying to remember. "Come on... I'm going to drop if I don't get some caffine in me soon." He said evetually.
Vexen smiled and put a friendly arm across Marluxia's shoulders. "Lead the way," he said.
Marluxia was, again, a little stunned at how very bold this Vexen was, but he did as he was told and led Vexen to the little cafe he had taken Vexen to before. He wasn't sure what he was hoping would happen.
Vexen ordered hot chocolate for himself and then looked at Marluxia, not wanting to order for him
Marluxia ordered a straight black coffee, leaning back in his seat and rubbing at his eyes. They were so sore from the crying and lack of sleep.
Vexen sipped his cocoa and contemplating Marluxia and his surroundings. Especially Marluxia. Something about the younger man intrigued him. Not that he'd say anything... yet. All he did say was, "Tasty."
"They make the best drinks here. I come here as often as I can." Marluxia said with a smile, taking a long sip of his long drink. it didn't make him feel much better, his stomach was empty so it sat uncomfortable.
"Let's get something to eat," suggested Vexen, who was also hungry. "What do you feel like?"
"Well, my apartment is not far from here. I could just make us something?" Marluxia suggested. He missed his apartment.