Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fightin' for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
Asher's eyes widened with surprise. His body tensed up so much, that he was as stiff of a rock, clenching his fists. Jasper cupped his face in his hands, trying hard not to break the kiss despite Asher's lips not moving with his. After a couple of seconds, Asher crumbled, too, pressing his body against his ex-lover's and wrapping his arms around his neck. Jasper broke the kiss for a second to say: "Finally, you're kissing back."
Asher didn't respond, just initiated the kiss this time.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running 'round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm followin' you, girl
'Cause you take me to the places
That alone I'd never find
That was so true, Jasper thought. Ever since he left Asher, he had thought of him every, single day. His heart was full of regret, as was his mind. He tangled his hands in Asher's black locks, gripping onto them slightly. Asher groaned into the kiss.
'This feels so good,' he thought to himself, 'just like before.'
And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fightin' for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fightin' for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
Ooh
Finally pulling back, Jasper chuckled.
"Here I was, thinking seeing you again wouldn't be like this."
Asher left his arms where they were, around Jasper's neck. He didn't want to let go, not tonight. Not ever.
"What can I say? I'm irresistable" Asher joked, earning another chuckle from Jasper.
"You are."
Looking up at him with amber eyes, Asher looked sad all of a sudden.
"Hm?"
"What about your girlfriend?" he asked Jasper, "she'd be upset if she knew we did that."
"My girlfriend..." Jasper trailed off, "MY GIRLFRIEND."
He pulled back away from Asher, looking panicked. Asher knew it, he shouldn't have said anything. Maybe they could have had sex had he not mentioned it.
'God damn your good nature, Asher' he thought to himself, almost tutting aloud.
"I have to go home," Jasper said, slipping past Asher. Asher took his hand, stopping him.
"Jasper...um..." he paused, closing his eyes and preparing himself for rejection. Again.
"I know that your girlfriend seems like a really nice girl. We haven't seen each other in a long time. The kiss was just...pent up passion, right?"
Jasper's face softened, "right."
There it was. That crumbling feeling.
"I mean," Asher looked down at the floor, scoffing, "you never really loved me, right?"
Jasper remained silent, and when Asher looked up - he was gone.
Asher sighed, rolling his eyes.
"There he goes again."
_
When he arrived home, Lucy was upstairs in the office. He decided against going in to see her. He wasn't in the mood to talk to her - or anyone, for that matter. So, to ensure that didn't happen, he decided to go up on the roof. Up there, there was a slight breeze that made him feel at ease. He watched the trees sway, which made his mind clear. Though within minutes, he realised he could still feel Jasper's lips against his. He could still feel how close they were to a passionate night.
Alice was a good girl, he had seen that throughout their game. She was sweet, and she was madly in love with Jasper. Jasper was probably madly in love with her, too. The last thing he wanted to do was to cause a rift between them, yet...he longed for Jasper's touch, even just one more time. He couldn't help it, they had history.
"Alone up here?"
Asher jumped to his feet defensively, until he seen the face of the person who had said that. It was Jasper. He squinted at him. He had abandoned him again, but this time, he had decided to come back. For who knows how long, though. Jasper took a seat on the rooftop, patting the space beside him. Asher reluctantly joined him.
"You know, Ash..." he started, looking at him for a brief second, before following Asher's gaze to the swaying trees, "I did love you."
Asher didn't say anything. He didn't know what was appropriate to say. Saying he was still in love with him after all that time would be stupid, despite being true.
"...and despite everything, I think of you every day. I wanted you to be happy, with a nice woman. That was selfish of me, that's not you."
Asher shook his head, no.
"Back when we...were intimate. That wasn't legal. Now, things are different. People are more open-minded, we've both watched things grow and grow until we got here, and things will continue to progress. Or so I hope."
"What are you saying...?" Asher asked quietly.
"I'm saying...I don't know how many gay vampires there are out there," he chuckled lowly, "but you'll find the one."
Asher nodded, even though he was hurt.
"I mean, I didn't think I'd ever find Alice. She's amazing. Kind. Beautiful."
"Are you trying to piss me off?" Asher snapped. Jasper seemed taken aback, like he hadn't expected Asher to lash out at him like that - and the truth was, he hadn't. He was never confrontational.
"I spent the past God knows how many hundreds of years thinking of you!" Asher yelled, "thinking of every, single moment I spent with you. Do you know how hard it was for me to sleep with Lucy?! I'm gay, and on top of that, I was a virgin when we..." he trailed off, but then continued to yell.
"It was special to me, but it meant nothing to you. Don't sit here and tell me you loved me, I might be in love with you, but I'm not stupid!"
"I-" Jasper began but Asher cut him off by continuing to raise his voice.
"I nothing! There is not a damn thing you can say or do to make me feel better. I was naive back then, I thought you'd end up falling in love with me and we'd sail off into the sunset hand in hand. I thought when we made love, it meant something to you, just like it meant everything to me."
He stopped, standing up and brushing the dirt off his jeans.
"I don't want to see you again. Ever."
"You don't mean that..." Jasper said sadly, standing up with him.
"I do. I used to believe in fate. That everything happens for a reason. When I saw you again, I thought that surely you'd realise how much you had missed me, like I missed you. I still have your damn hat for crying out loud!"
Jasper's eyes widened, "you do...?"
"I do! Because I was stupid enough to believe you could ever come back and be with me."
"Ash..."
Jasper remembered how blissful it was to be with Asher in that moment. How whenever he wanted to make love, he would take Jasper's hat off while looking all shy, amber eyes glistening under the light of the moon. Just like they were in that very moment. Though this time, those eyes were filled with anger as opposed to lust.
Asher jumped down off the roof, followed closely by Jasper, who took a hold of his hand.
"Asher...I'm really, really sorry for everything."
"Mhm. Whatever."
"I'm just so conflicted. I love you...but I love Alice, too."
"You need to make a decision," Asher told him, "playing one of us isn't going to cut it. You have a month, and then I'm out."
He jogged up the steps of the home he shared with Lucy.
"Alright. I'll get back to you, I guess..." Jasper whispered, walking away. Asher walked upstairs to his 'bedroom', flopping down onto the bed they had there for show in case they ever made any human friends. The boys didn't know, but Lucy had heard everything - through the open office window.
As soon as Jasper returned home for the first time that night, Alice appeared in the doorway smiling. He smiled, pulling her into him. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Have fun with Asher?" she asked. He had been a litle bit honest with Alice. He told her he knew Asher from back in his newborn days - and that they had been semi-close. She said he definitely should continue their friendship, obviously little knowing their past. Jasper was surprised she hadn't seen any visions of it, he just hoped that would continue.
"I did," he said, "but I'd much rather be at home here with you, my love."
Alice emitted a loud giggle, kissing him lovingly, but it wasn't her lips that Jasper felt, and she wasn't the person that came into his head. Jumping back away from her, he touched his lips.
"Oh, is something wrong?!" she gasped, touching his arm. Jasper couldn't respond.
"Jasper?" she called, "please, talk to me."
"I'm fine," he said softly, "I'm going to go read for a while..."
"Um...okay...I thought we were going to, you know..." she said quietly.
"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm not really in the mood right now," he said, walking upstairs. Pausing at the top, he looked down to see her looking down at the floor, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His face scrunched up in pain, but he continued up the stairs to his private room, where he sat and picked up a book.
As soon as he opened it, his concentration began to wane.
"I can't do this," he thought to himself, putting the book down and placing his head in his hands, leaning forward in the armchair. He knew this would happen, from the moment he seen Asher again. That his heart would choose him, and reject Alice. It was the beginning of the end for the two of them.
Leaning back in the chair once more, he stared at the white ceiling, whispering to himself, ". . . and so it begins."