AN: I know everyone has been waiting patiently for some Reese and Carter interaction, well this chapter it comes full blast :D

-UNSECURE LOCATION- LE GRENOUILLE

DATE: 8/13/2013

TIME: 18:59:01

This was a mistake. John should have declined Carter's dinner invitation and suggested drinks instead. He had been hesitant but it sounded important to her so he agreed. But that was his life, made up of nothing but bad decisions.

Joss Carter sat wearing a body-hugging blue dress that was respectable, not date like, and yet the setting made it feel as it was one. The restaurant had the lights turned low, elegant candlesticks were a-glow, setting the mood to be intimate, and it was quiet, encouraging conversation. He was going to wring Shaw's neck; she was the one that suggested the restaurant to him. But Carter didn't give an indication that the choice was odd, instead she seemed pleasantly surprised.

Thankfully, Carter seemed oblivious to the fact that he was attracted to her. Even as they chatted about nothing of note, the topics varied, and enjoyable; he still was cautious of relaxing. On a normal day he had a hard time remaining unaffected by this woman. Tonight was not normal.

"So, John…"

John wondered how long she'd wait to bring up whatever she wanted to discuss. Their plates were nearly depleted, the wine they ordered to accompany the meal was just about half gone, and the evening seemed to have evaporated in no time. Still she hadn't brought anything up until now and he allowed her to take her time.

He eyed her and waited. When she seemed for a loss of words he murmured her name and that seemed to do the trick. "I wanted to talk to you about something. Something important," she spoke softly, eyes serious.

She couldn't possibly know. He was careful to never let anyone know, even though he was unhappy that both Shaw and Zoe seemed to have figured it out. Their relationship was fine the way it was. Joss Carter deserved nothing but the best and god knew he wasn't it. He wasn't even close.

"Okay, what is it?" he questioned, before taking a sip of the wine.

"I think we need to be upfront with each other, John," she began. John tried to ease the tension in his shoulder blades. If she asked, he'd tell her the truth. The consequences, be damned and there were quite a few. "You've been distant ever since I asked for some time off away from the numbers."

He blinked in response because that wasn't what he thought she was confronting him about. Sadly, he felt himself relax because he preferred her anger than her realizing the truth.

"You didn't call or stop by. I thought we were friends or am I just some asset to the mission?" she asked.

Now he was at a loss for words. John didn't know what to say. What could he say? He had pushed away but not for the reasons she thought.

He met her steady gaze. "We are friends. You're not just an asset to our mission, Joss." he said quietly and her whole body relaxed and a smile filled her face, like she had been hurt by it and that hadn't been his intention. John needed to give her some kind of reason. "I wanted to give you some space."

"Why? I asked for time off from the numbers, not you."

Why did that hit hard? John desperately tried to ignore the warmth spreading through him as her words managed to worm past all his defenses.

"My life is the numbers, Carter," he reminded her and himself. Why bother thinking otherwise? Shaw was wrong. Getting a life wasn't the answer. It only led him to realize he wanted something he couldn't have. His eyes rested on Carter. It only led him to realize he wanted someone he couldn't have.

Carter's gaze turned shrewd. "You're so full of it, John."

"Am I?"

"You are," she assured with anger. "I can see right through you. If you really believed that then you wouldn't be here with me tonight, letting Shaw take point on the new number."

He looked away, hating she was right. His eyes were startled back to hers when she reached over and grabbed his hand. "You owe me some answers. Don't lie to me," she murmured.

"I don't know how to do this, Carter."

Her eyes softened. "Just don't pull a vanishing act on me next time. And certainly don't stick me with your side kick."

A small smile tilted his lips up. He discreetly slid his hand from under hers, needing a reprieve. Her touch was too much. "I think I can handle that." he replied.

That seemed to make her happy, which was all that mattered.

-SECURE LOCATION- DETECTIVE CARTER'S HOME

DATE: 8/20/2013

TIME: 22:17:35

Tonight was supposed to be for herself. Cal was out with friends. Taylor was with his father. She wasn't needed at the precinct and her friends seemed to think that she wasn't needed for their new number. So Joss sat curled up on her living room couch, trying to get engrossed in her romantic suspense novel, but her mind wandered. They were her guilty pleasure. It was nice to get immersed in true-loves that always find ways to make it in the end, unlike real life. It was a very nice escape for a homicide detective that saw what twisted and toxic love did to people at times.

Forcing her mind to refocus on reading, she settled in and looked at the words on the page. But just as she did she heard her door's lock being picked and then opened. Before she could even get up, she knew who it was. There was only one person who just let himself in. Oddly, she was happy he was back to letting himself in. Their conversation at the restaurant seemed to resonate with him.

Her smile died on her face when he approached. His face was unreadable, but his eyes were piercing and full of emotions that made sculptures in his blue depths. "What's wrong, John?" she asked immediately concerned. "John?"

"I just finished working a number of a man who couldn't live without his wife," his voice came out choked. Joss wanted to curse. She was going to have a very long conversation with Finch and Shaw for thinking of not bringing her in on this case. Clearly, it was a number that hit John hard and she could have helped him. "He was going to die after he killed the man that took her from him."

"And it reminded you of your past." she said, carefully. Joss reached out and took his hand to gently draw him to the couch. "Sit, and talk to me."

He sat at her insistence. She was grateful he chose to come and talk to her instead of brooding alone and drinking. She sat down beside him, watching him as he stared at her mantle that was lined with photographs.

"I left her behind," he finally spoke, his voice sounded regretful.

"You left Jessica behind?"

John didn't look at her. He seemed to be lost in thought. "I told her it was because a life with a soldier wasn't meant for her. But it wasn't the full truth. On the other side, I knew so many men that died, friends of mine to people I didn't even know, and I saw that they all had a picture of someone waiting for them back home." His voice got lower and gruffer, like admitting to being human was somehow a weakness. "I figured that if I didn't have a picture then I'd make it home."

"John, you are human. You were scared of dying, that isn't something to feel guilty over. I was there too, I was scared myself. Big difference was that Paul was just like us. You just happened to fall for a woman that wasn't in the military," she finally said, couldn't and wouldn't let him harbor all this guilt for no reason.

He looked at her then. Pain and regret shadowed his eyes. "I saw her, Carter. I could have stopped her from marrying Peter, and she'd be alive."

That sounded to her like grief and guilt. It made her truly wonder if he ever grieved over Jessica or just ignored it and used the dead woman as a means to never let anyone close. "Okay, when did you see her again?" she asked, wanting to hear everything so she could make an informed response.

"We were both at an airport. I was just recruited into the CIA." he looked away but not before she saw the look of disgust register then was masked on his handsome face. "She was engaged by then but she asked me to ask her to wait for me."

His words took a few brief moments to sink in and as they did came the anger. How dare she?! Joss carefully hid her anger, not wanting him to see it. "And you didn't." she said, knowing without needing to be told.

"Because I was a coward…."

She made a sound of disagreement. "There are many words I could use to describe you, John, but coward is not one of them."

John liked to take physical risks but he did not risk emotional pain, and she was sure there were reasons in his past that created the way he was. Opening up was not very easy for him and she knew that some of that was his past in the military and CIA, but there was more to it than simply that. When Jean had gotten her John's file in the Army, she had seen his real last name. Joss could have easily checked into him and learned everything the easy way, but she wanted him to trust her, so she waited. This was the first step to learning about John, the man.

He looked at her then. "John, you cannot place all the blame on yourself for not saving Jessica from an abusive husband. Why did she marry him in the first place if she was still in love with you enough to ask you to ask her to wait?" she asked, trying not to upset him or scare him off. John was silent but listening to her. "You seem to forget that I was married. I understand the vows you take. I understand the commitment. And when I decided to tell Paul yes that I'd marry him; I did so with eyes open, with all my heart, and jumped with both feet. Jessica didn't do that. She said yes alright. She did so with her eyes open but didn't jump with both feet and she sure the hell didn't do it with her whole heart. She couldn't have if she wanted you."

John was quiet, like he was mulling over what she said. There was so much more that she wanted to say about Jessica but was afraid to. Afraid that anger might cause her to say something that would hurt him or choose to not open up to her in the future, which she certainly didn't want to happen.

"Can you answer me a question, John?" she asked, and received a nod in response. "Have you grieved for her?"

"I don't know how."

Joss felt the weight of that confession. It explained a lot. It explained the condition she met him in. She wasn't a fool. She knew he was there, nearly too far gone to save. It also explained why he was still afraid to move on, to try again. "I'm here for you, John. I'll help you if you want me to," Joss offered and reached out to rest a hand on top of his.

No words could reasonably express how much she was thankful that he shared this painful moment in his life with her. They were back on the right footing. And while John didn't know it but this was the first step in grieving. He was finally talking about her rather than using her as a shield to not get close.

Her breath hitched when she felt one of his fingers twine with hers gently, seeking and taking her comfort, and somehow that small touch managed to change everything.

-UNSECURE LOCATION- UNKNOWN

DATE: 8/25/13

TIME: ?

"Since we're waiting here until we are rotting corpses, why not tell me how your date with Carter went to pass the time."

John made a face that Shaw couldn't see as they sat with their hands tied together, with their backs facing each other, and each one bleeding profusely from various wounds. Decima had tried to get their hands on a hard drive large enough to bring Samaritan online, but before they could both he and Shaw had destroyed the only one in existence. Decima took them hostage and tried to force them to give up the machine's drives or Harold. When they wouldn't, Decima shot them and left them to die. Greer thought that if both Harold's guard dogs were dead then it would be easy to find Finch, but fortunately their employer would be in safe hands with the two detectives until Harold could manage to find a replacement for one or both of them.

"It wasn't a date, Shaw."

"It's not nice to lie to a dying person." Shaw retorted, her voice low.

John didn't bother to point out he'd be dead before she was. Lambert had shot each one of them once to let them bleed out slowly, but as Lambert was leaving John had tried to sow a seed of doubt into Lambert's mind about his boss. Greer wanted power, no matter the cost. And placing blind faith in the man was ignorant because he'd be disposable and tossed aside once Lambert offered no use. It didn't work; the man thought it was just a ploy to get him to let them go, and earned John two additional gunshot wounds. But Greer wasn't loyal. He wasn't like Finch with them or Elias to his men. Greer would kill Lambert if it meant he'd escape or obtain the power he was seeking. Except now John was losing blood at an alarming rate and his head felt like it was too heavy to hold up.

"Carter is seeing someone." he said at Shaw's low noise she made. Cal Beecher better take care of Joss too.

"Doesn't mean you didn't want it to be real," Shaw pointed out, and he didn't respond. "Spill, it'd help pass the time until either we are saved or dead." When he didn't speak, Shaw did. "Fine, I'll go first: I like Root and want to bang her into the next century. But she's a nerd, they are on the 'do not do' list. And if you survive and I don't and you tell her, I'll come back in ghost form and haunt your ass."

John's breath was labored but managed a faint chuckle, and could feel his vision tunneling as he lost more blood. "You have a no-nerd policy. I thought you were a 'no muss, no fuss' type?"

"I am. Doesn't mean I don't have a type, or rather, a type I stay clear of," Shaw said, sucking in breath as she shifted on the chair. His eyes closed as the pain was slowly fading which wasn't a good sign. "Reese?"

"Hmmm…."

She bonked the back of her head against his and he jerked. "No, losing consciousness. Tell me about your date with Carter."

John leaned his head against hers. He had no strength left. He stared up unseeingly at the ceiling. "It wasn't a date." he repeated, swallowing hard. Shaw growled. "But I wanted it to be." he rasped, voice hoarse.

"Duh, why don't you ever go after what you want?"

John's eyes drooped as he struggled to remain conscious. "No point. Dead anyway…."

"Not yet. Wake up, Reese!" His eyes opened when she slammed her body and chair against his. "Root has the machine in her ear; she might be able to find us."

"I don't think they'll find me in time. It's not looking so good, Shaw," he whispered.

"If you die then I'll kill you."

Even in his semi-conscious state that sounded impossible. "How?—I'll be dead already."

"Fine, I'll dig your ass up and refuse to let you rest in peace," Shaw snarled.

"I want peace," he whispered.

"No, you don't. You want Carter more! No use denying it, I know the truth now. So use her to stay awake! Think of fucking her, think of loving her; think of whatever you need to about her to survive, damn it. You think I'm mad, think of how Carter and Finch will feel if you up and croak on them. Do you really want to upset them?"

John barely nodded. He tried to do as Shaw said but it was difficult and he only managed to not lose consciousness out of sheer willpower. Shaw was yanking on her binds but it really was no use. He had tried that too until his strength flowed out of him as the blood did.

Then the door burst open, startling in the intensity, and John thought he heard his name but it sounded muted. Suddenly, Carter was in front of him, except she was blurred, and John was dimly aware of the fact that she cupped his cheeks and was shaking him gently.

He blinked trying to focus. John couldn't be sure but he thought there were others surrounding them. But what was she doing here?

"Rescuing you!" her voice sounded rough, making him realize that he spoke the last part aloud.

His arms fell loosely at his sides as the binds were undone. "You're too late." he whispered, unable to lift them. He wanted to touch her so badly, just one last time.

"Don't say that! You've had closer calls."

John met her eyes. Why was she crying? "Only once before, the night we met. I lost someone, lost myself." his words came out slow. "Done with life," the more he tried the more slurred it sounded but she had to know. He had to tell her the truth. "…met you, you changed my mind…"

"John," she whispered.

But John couldn't hear Joss's reply because the last of his strength was gone. "Sorry Shaw, I tried," he rasped and couldn't remain conscious any longer, and the world faded away.

AN: While I can try with Cal the same can not be said about Jessica. I have very little patience for her. Anyways, I hope this chapter made up for the lack of Reese and Carter interactions.

Thank you for reading!