AN: I'm sorry guys. I was trying to get this posted yesterday but I got my second dose of my vaccine shot yesterday and didn't feel like posting. So here it is today, I still might post Friday too or I might push it to Saturday. Also this chapter is a bit different from the others as you will see.

-SECURE LOCATION- PRIMARY ASSET'S Residence

DATE: 9/01/2013

TIME: 6:58:25

It was a week since they barely rescued John in time. Thankfully, Root with the help of the super computer, had been able to lead them to where Shaw and John were tied up together. When they lost all communication with them after Decima surrounded the building where the hard drive was, she nearly lost her mind with worry. Shaw, the sneak, had placed a tracker on John, using a burner phone that they had scoured her apartment for, after the machine told Root that Shaw was interested in learning more about Reese, which they had used to find them. The relief that they found them turned to full-blown panic when they burst in, guns drawn, and found the two operatives alone but tied together. John was in worse shape than Shaw. Decima had shot John three times, leaving him to bleed out, but at a quicker pace than Shaw, who was shot once.

Nothing mattered except the fact that they both were alive and recuperating. And those bastards were going to get theirs soon. They failed at ruining the machine. They failed to get the hard drive to bring Samaritan online, the only hard drive big enough to do so. Their only option left was finding Finch to force him to give up the machine. John wasn't happy but they were already beginning to plan to use Harold as bait to bring Decima to their knees. Their hunger to find him to get Samaritan up and running, to have power, would hopefully blind them to the fact that it was a trap.

However, all that was for a different day to think and worry about. Today, like the days prior, John's words were still fresh in her mind. John admitted to being suicidal the night they met, which wasn't surprising. The fact that he attributed her to the one stopping him and changing his mind was humbling. Well, there was that, and the fact that she was still feeling the effects of her newfound awareness of him. He wasn't just John her friend any longer, now he was John her friend who was incredibly attractive. It was frustrating. She hadn't been aware of it until he had come over to her place to talk about Jessica, and his light touch sent a prickle of heat through her. His touch affected her in a way it hadn't before. Because all his other touches before were from Reese the man-in-the-suit. That touch at her place was from him, the real John. It was so light, but affected her deep in her soul. It brought forth feelings she hadn't known that she harbored for John.

But even then she just fluffed it off as just attraction and nothing more. Something completely unwanted but normal when you took a long look at John, the man was classically handsome. He had high cheekbones, strong jawline, amazing eyes, and not to mention a nice body. It was when she burst into the room to find him bleeding out, which left her shaken and terrified, that she realized her feelings were very real and very strong. Her heart all but stopped beating and those feelings were placed front and center, so she could not deny it or pretend. Problem was she didn't know what to do about it, if anything. It wasn't as though John gave any indication that he shared the same feelings or attraction. Just because he viewed her as someone he cared about and someone who saved him, it didn't equate that he shared the same feelings she had. Then there was Cal Beecher, a man that loved her and wanted a future with her. She simply didn't know what to do. It was all so very frustrating.

Joss drew herself from her thoughts and came to a stop outside John's door. John was sidelined for the foreseeable future as he recuperated. He wasn't medically cleared by Dr. Tillman, who they all voted on, including John, would be the voice of reason of when they could realistically get back to work on the numbers when and if one of them were injured. John wasn't happy but thankfully didn't complain too much about his downtime to heal. Shaw was back to work on the numbers but not by herself. She required the assistance of Root, Fusco or her, and if it was safe, Harold.

Presently, it was almost seven in the morning. Joss had to get to work soon but she wanted to come by and check on John. She hadn't seen him since the night they had to pump blood in him trying to save him. Joss wanted him to rest and had only called him sparingly. Besides, it had given her a chance to try to work out what she was feeling. She had contacted the machine for his address; she could have gone to her friends but hadn't wanted to, because she wanted to visit him alone. There was something she owed to him, because Joss was a woman of her word as much as John was a man of his.

She knocked finally, only having to wait a couple minutes until the door opened. When it did, a working brain failed her as her mouth worked to speak, but nothing came out. John stood on the other side, backlit with sunlight peeking through his open door, standing in nothing but boxer-briefs. Her eyes failed her next as they dropped to his torso taking in his bandages, muscles, and an interesting trail of hair that disappeared into the thick elastic of his underwear. Joss tried, not really hard, to keep her gaze at the waistband of his underwear, but you'd have to be a saint and she definitely wasn't, as her gaze dropped and took note of the healthy bulge under the soft fabric. The boxer-briefs left little to the imagination and they sat on his mid-thigh, and she felt her body react even as her mouth salivated. No man should look this good. His thighs were corded with muscle and finally she forced her eyes up, refusing to pause once more on his manhood, and looked at his face.

Except his face wasn't much better; John hadn't shaved in a couple days with a beard forming, that was a pleasant mix of dark and gray, and he looked sleepy. His hair added to the look of just waking up because it was rumpled and clearly uncombed. God, he looked so…hot.

"Carter?" he rasped sleepily and Joss felt a wave of want wash over her. It was so potent it nearly left her breathless. Why was this happening to her? She used to know how they fit together, now it felt so different. "What are you doing here? I thought you were Finch or Shaw." he yawned as he stepped away from the door to let her in.

Her eyes roamed over his nice bare back, then his perfect butt. She found herself able to think when he took pity on her addled brain and pulled on a pair of loose fitting pants and tee. "Do you answer the door almost naked for Shaw?" she asked, horrified that was what she decided to say. It sounded jealous, because she was, in fact, jealous of the thought of Shaw being granted the right to see him in such a vulnerable state. Joss didn't like it. She didn't like sharing him in such a way.

He looked at her questioningly. "What?"

"Never mind," she muttered, feeling stupid. He probably viewed Shaw as someone like Dr. Tillman, a doctor, not a woman. And even still Joss had no right to feel jealous. She was seeing someone else. John was single and even if he wanted to sleep with a barracuda than she had nothing to say.

Joss focused on looking around his place to try to get a hold of her emotions. It was a studio apartment. It was very nice and clean, but clearly not a home. John just rested here, not lived here. There wasn't anything remotely personal in the place. Her eyes caught on the fantastic bed that was rumpled, and she bet the sheets were still warm from his body. Joss refused to let her mind drift to thinking of him in it.

Her eyes darted back to him and he was walking to the couch. She followed him there and sat down next to him. "I came by to make sure you were okay." Even as she told him it, it was really to remind herself. She certainly hadn't come here to see the show she received.

"I'm getting there, Carter."

She could tell and Joss relaxed. "I'm glad."

"So will you put in a good word with Megan so I can get back to working the numbers sooner?"

"Hell no, I won't. You need to heal, John," she replied with little care of the pout he made. She refused to care that it looked cute. "But seeing how you were feeling isn't the only reason I came over."

"Okay…"

Joss gathered herself and decided to just start anywhere. "We're not close. I lost all communication with Jae, or Harper as she seems to want to be called, when she fled mama's house at eighteen," she explained roughly. John's eyes went from perplexed to gentle. "I tried looking for her multiple times but always wound up at a dead end. Jae was always a troublemaker but I never thought she'd become a con."

"I'm sorry."

She leaned her head back against his couch. "Don't be. I've long ago came to terms with our estranged relationship. Jae always resented me."

"Why?"

Joss looked his way. "Because I'm the one that got the good grades; I'm the one that was the good kid. Jaelyn struggled in school and got into trouble. But the good kind of trouble, she stuck up for a handicap kid that was being bullied by popping the girl in the nose," she said softly, reminiscent. Boy, did she miss her baby sister. "It hadn't helped that we lost papa when she was in her impressionable years. Mama and I tried to be good role models but obviously we failed."

"No, you didn't. Harper still is a good person; she just needs to remember that," he murmured gently. "I think she might come around sooner than you think."

"I hope so. I really hope so," she whispered to herself. "A bargain is a bargain; you told me about Jessica and it was only fair to tell you about my sister, but you had to go and get yourself shot before I could."

His expression was open, which happened so rarely. "You didn't have to."

"Yes, I did. That took a lot of courage for you to talk about someone that you loved and lost, and I should never have coerced you into it." Joss had felt guilty ever since but didn't know how to apologize for it.

"You didn't. If I didn't really want to talk to you about it then I wouldn't have."

That admission warmed her, though it was somewhat dangerous too, because it made her want more. "Is that also true when you told me that I changed your mind from killing yourself or was that mostly due to the fact that you were bleeding out?" Her words came out without her consciously choosing to speak them. John looked at her startled, then like he hadn't anticipated she'd go there. She shouldn't have. Why had she pushed for more? Why couldn't she just be happy with the little truths he decided to share with her?

Because you have feelings for him, her mind whispered. That tiny voice was squashed like a bug. "Never mind, John, forget I said anything." Joss murmured as she stood smoothly, wanting to flee. She needed space to think. But her breath halted as she looked down when he caught a hold of her hand with his.

He stared up at her, eyes sparkling with something deep in them. "I meant it." His voice got all soft and it melted her insides like a hot knife through butter. It was his John voice, the one she thought she lost forever. "You changed my mind, Joss. You changed me."

Joss found she couldn't remain upright when her knees felt weak. She sat beside him again, holding his hand like a lifeline, and stared deeply into his eyes. "You changed me too," she admitted softly.

A smile tilted his lips up. "Yes, into a delinquent."

She reached out to brush her palm against his cheek unwilling to let him escape the intimacy with jokes, and his smile faded. "You changed me into someone better; someone willing to see more than just black and white, right and wrong, because there is so much more to the world than simply what is and what isn't."

"Joss," her name sounded so heavenly coming from this man's lips. "You're more than what is and what isn't. And there is no one better than you even if you do have a stubborn desire to do everything on your own."

"And you stubbornly want to save everyone except yourself." she shot back, eyes on his. She received a little nod of acknowledgment. "Can I be selfish?"

"Selfish?" he repeated, perplexed.

She nodded. "Can you care a bit more about your life?" she asked quietly. "I don't want to lose you, John," then added, "I care about you."

"I care too." his voice dropped low. It drew her in, like a moth to a flame. "If I lost you…" his words trailed off and she shook her head, not wanting him to go there.

She dimly became aware of how they would appear if someone looked in on them. She was cupping his cheek and reverently stroking it, liking the prickly feel of his beard against the pads of her fingertips. They were still holding each other's hand but at some point their fingers interlocked feeling heavy with implications. And his gaze was watchful. They looked more like lovers than friends. They felt like lovers more than friends.

"I should go," she murmured but made no move to stand.

He nodded. "Be careful…."

Neither of them moved, their eyes locked, and she realized that they both were lost in this. His hand let go of hers to lift to cup her cheek. The touch caused sensations to shudder through her. Joss sat still, feeling like the universe shrunk down to just them, as John's face edged closer slowly to hover his lips teasingly just above hers. The intent was clear, his eyes searched hers, possibly for a sign to tell him to stop or proceed, she wasn't sure, but her eyes dropped to his lips. An eternity passed before his lips pressed against hers so soft, like a flower petal. Her eyes slid shut as an explosion of need erupted inside her, leaving her feeling devastated. It didn't last long and Joss let out a ragged breath as the wisp of a touch wasn't nearly enough.

Before she could formulate some sort of response that included words and not devouring his lips, there was a sound at his door and John pulled away. They were interrupted by not only Finch but Shaw too. John's whole expression masked instantly. Joss knew she had clammed up too. This was wholly personal and between them, not including their friends. She ached from the loss of his touch. It felt right being with him, like their friendship had merely been a foundation for something more profound. And they were denying it for no damned reason.

"Detective, I didn't know you knew where John lived?" Finch said, sounding surprised.

From their viewpoint they couldn't possibly know what just happened. But her insides were fluttering and her pulse was racing. Joss forced her gaze off John, who was unreadable, and onto their friends. "I bribed the supercomputer into telling me so I could check up on John," she explained, hoping she sounded normal. Finch smiled. Shaw was watching them with interest. But Joss wasn't about to let her ask her little questions. She stood up and glanced down at John, who looked up at her. "We'll talk later," she said, knowing it sounded innocent to everyone else in the room but John.

He didn't reply. Joss turned, nodded at her friends, and headed for the door. Once outside, she leaned against it, and collected herself. She needed to think. But with that kiss it became glaringly obvious, that her relationship with Cal was sunk. She could have easily pushed back. John hadn't exactly been aggressive; his kiss had been overwhelmingly soft and tender. It made her want more from John. But most importantly, it seemed he shared the same feelings as her.

She pushed away from the door and headed for the elevator. And while waiting for the elevator Joss texted Cal that she needed to talk to him tonight. The doors to the elevator opened and she entered feeling a mix bag of nerves as Cal texted back if they could make it tomorrow night, he had some work to do. She could wait to talk to John about this until after she ended her relationship with Cal. Joss hated the idea of hurting Cal but these feelings between her and John weren't something she was willing to let go of.

AN: It was super long, so I couldn't put a few scenes together but it was for the best.

Thank you for reading!