20. Empty streets and stars
"The streets are empty. Would we want to commit a crime or hide a sin, no sight and no light would stand in our way," commented Adrien with the excitement of a child. He clearly didn't get much time alone.
"But we do not want that," she reminded him playfully.
"It is a refreshing thought, though."
She lifted her eyes to the stars.
"It is, indeed. As if suddenly we could become whoever we wanted to be. No responsibilities, no rules."
Adrien almost frowned. He felt the same, but what were the burdens that Marinette dragged with her, what was it that tied her wings?
"What would you become right now if you could?"
She smiled like a child.
"A ladybug."
"A ladybug? Why would you wish to be an insect?"
She chuckled.
"They mean luck, did you know that? They live quite shortly, but happily."
"Do they?"
"They are born, they develop with other ladybugs, they reproduce and they die. Simple."
"Simplicity doesn't equal happiness."
"Perhaps not, but it does for me. A life without responsibilities or an ominous purpose: just the one following the cycle of life."
Adrien took his eyes off her to look at the stars too. Was that what happiness was made of? Simplicity?
"What about you, Mister Agreste?"
He looked back at her and found a teasing smile in her rosy lips.
"I should like to be a cat. My mother used to say that I was like a black cat when I was a child, because I would dress myself in black and sneak out through the shadows. My father found it detestable."
Marinette said nothing. What do you say to that?
"You would make an adorable cat, for sure," she mumbled.
"Adorable? Not a pretty common adjective for cats."
"So is it common for you?"
He laughed before he could hold it back. He was very comfortable with Marinette.
"I rather not think so."
They went on walking in a wonderful silence, interrupted only by her occasionally humming of a melody. They reached the park and Marinette grabbed a handful of wild chamomile.
"So tell me, Adrien," she asked while shoving it in her purse, "why do gatherings weigh that much on your shoulders?"
He sighed.
"It isn't my shoulders, but my mind that carries that burden. My father is a holy man, he intends to be the incarnation of Saint Peter himself and he expects me to follow his path. I must be the perfect son, the perfect man, and I try to, I do, but… it does not please me, Marinette. I have thoughts and desires and ideas and…" he shook his head, "I could never be the perfect servant of God because it is not in my blood to submit myself to no one, I can carry with the burdens that I choose and I did not choose my father's God and rules."
Marinette said nothing, she stared into his green eyes. This man was no fanatic like his father, he thought for himself and she appreciated that very much, but there was something else besides respect that burnt inside her soul. Something powerful and impetuous, yet dormant, something ancient, that was there before her own beating heart was; it was hers but it wasn't.
Uncomfortable with her fixated sight, he cleared his throat.
"What can you say about you, Marinette? What are those responsibilities that weigh on you?"
She blinked a couple of times. It was fair that she opened to him as he did with her, but some things are better left unsaid.
"My grandmother is strong and intelligent, she is perfect. That is… slightly hard to live up to, I would say. I am supposed to be like that, to be better, but I… I try, but if I make a mistake many people could get hurt or end up in terrible danger," she let herself fall to a bench in the park, "how do you bear a responsibility like that one? How do you make any decision? What happens if you are wrong? How do you pay for what is lost? If only it was enough to lie and smile…"
Adrien was staring at her, standing in front of her tall as he was and serious as an apparition. Marinette feared that she had let too much out of her.
He slowly sat beside her and placed his hand on her back.
"I will not ask why it is that you carry such burdens, but I am sure that whatever you ever do and decide, will be for the best of the many, and that only if the entirety is not possible. Blind eyes would see that you truly care."
She sighed and crossed her hands on her lap.
"My mother cared, she wanted the best too, and failed nonetheless. Her mistakes costed people their lives."
A shiver ran down Adrien's spine.
"If you do not mind my question, Marinette, what is it that your grandmother runs?"