Chapter 5: A Black Hole of Rage and Confusion

Hi everyone! Thank you for your messages and reviews! I hope you had a great week!

"You helped me? By erasing my mind? By scorching what few, faded memories I had! No, you left me in a black hole of rage and confusion."

The Joker, Suicide Squad Extended Version (2016).

Harley stood outside the Smile and Grin and steadied her breath. She had the negative test with her. She ran her hands through hair. She was wearing a dress Wendy had lent her. It was black and tight and pretty and she felt more like herself than she had the entire night.

The pretty woman threw her head back, letting her long blonde hair fall down. Then she hurried towards the entrance.

The line was long, but she held her head high as she stalked towards it. She was Harley Quinn, Queen of Gotham and this club belonged to her just as much as it did Mr. J, maybe even more. The crowd loved her dancing after all, not him.

"Stop." It was Johnny who was guarding the door. "I can't let you in, Harley, sorry, bosses' orders."

"What?!"

People behind her were muttering and she tried to push herself past him, but he blocked the doorway.

"Johnny!" She hissed.

"Sorry, you're not allowed in." His face and tone both betrayed no emotion. "Next, please."

Someone behind her pushed forward and Harley spun around, knife in hand. It was the one from the man who had attacked Jodie and Aiden earlier. She snarled at the girl behind her, who backed away. Then she spun back around to the man she had known for years, who had been there for each milestone in her own development and her relationship's ups and downs.

"Let. Me. In." She growled. "Right now."

"Harley?"

"Jester!" Relief flooded through her at the sight of her friend. "He won't let me in!"

"You heard what the boss said." Johnny said to her and Harley reached for her knife again, because she was getting in that club, even if she had to kill Mr. J's favorite henchman.

"Let me handle this." Jester said in a tone that wouldn't allow for any further discussion. "I'll be right back."

Jester stepped outside, leading Harley away from the crowd.

"What the hell?!" The Clown Queen snapped. "Why won't you let me in?!"

"Miss, it's really bad." The other woman ran her fingers through her short hair. "I've never seen him this mad before."

Harley actually laughed at that. "Honey, I can handle him being mad, just let me talk to him."

"Something's going on." Jester came closer, checking behind her shoulder to make sure they were alone. "I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" Harley didn't need protection, what she needed was to get inside that club and talk to only person in her life she truly loved. She felt like crying.

"Ok." Jester breathed out loudly. "I overheard your argument with the boss." She paused, obviously uncomfortable. "Harley did you cheat on him?"

It took all of her restraint not to punch Jester in the face.

"What?! No! Of course not! I love him!"

"I know." Jester put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "I know. I just needed to hear you say it. Someone wanted to break you up, do you understand? Someone planted the test there to make him assume you had cheated and for him to kick you out."

Harley swallowed her mouth suddenly dry. "Who would do that? And why?"

"You're both each others' worst weakness." Jester spoke calmly, calculated and her calmness spread onto Harley. "But you're also each others' greatest strength, someone has lodged a wedge between you two as an attack."

Harley backed away, leaning against the door of the small alley. Her head was spinning. "Who?" She whispered again. "Batman?"

"Maybe." Jester lifted her small shoulders in a questioning way. "Anyway, I think you should give him some time to cool off. I will keep an eye on him, so will Johnny."

Harley nodded, feeling overwhelmed with gratefulness towards the other woman.

"Thank you." She leaned back, closing her eyes.

"Are you safe, Miss?" Jester asked and Harley could hear the desperation in her friends voice. "Do you have a place to stay?"

"Um..." Her mind flashed back to Neverland and Peter. He had called her loyal. Aiden, the little boy had called her a warrior. Wendy had treated her like a sister, helping her figure out how to take the pregnancy test, listening to her cry.

"Yes." She realized. "Ya, I have a place to stay."

"Good." Relief flooded Jesters face in the semi-darkness, but only for a second then she was back to business. "Listen, how well do you know the boys workin' in the house?"

"I don't know." Harley rubbed her eyes. "Not so well, why? Do you think it was one of them?"

It made sense. Batman would be happy to ruin their lives and tear them apart, but it wasn't like he could just stroll into their penthouse and plant a positive pregnancy test there. It had to be someone inside the house.

"I need to see Mistah J!" She cried out suddenly. "He's not safe!"

"I will look after him, Miss." Jester repeated in a gentle tone.

She stepped closer, as if she wanted to hug Harley, then backed away again uncertain. Finally she did give in and pulled her into a hug and Harley let her do so.

"Everything will be alright." Jester said in a soothing tone, her warm breath tickling Harley's ear. "I promise."

The Clown Queen barely trusted herself to speak. She was scared she'd start crying immediately. She felt safe in this embrace, Jester was familiar to her, Jester was part of her home. The two women stood in the hug for a moment until Harley stepped back.

"Wow." She tried to joke, but her heart wasn't in it. "Sorry, for being such a mess."

"You are not a mess, Harley Quinn."

Harley smiled because she knew she was. Just like the Joker. That was the whole point after all.

"Here." She reached into her jacket pocket pulling out the pregnancy test and handing it to her friend. "Will you show this to him? Tell him I was here and what happened?"

"Of course." Jester pocketed the test in her own jacket. "But you know how he gets when he's paranoid, right?"

Harley closed her eyes as in pain. "Yeah." She said quietly. "I know."

After all she knew him better than anyone else in the whole world. She knew how stuck he could get on an idea when he was having a paranoid moment. If he believed she had cheated on him no amount of reasoning or logic could change his mind. At least not tonight.

The two women stood in front of one another wordlessly.

"I should go back inside." Jester finally said, reaching into her jacket pocket and handing Harley her cell phone. Harley pocketed it immediately. "I will text you, Miss. I'll keep you updated." She looked torn, as if she didn't want to leave. "Please be safe."

"I'll be fine, Jess." Harley smiled wiping away the tears that had escaped her eyes. "I've been through worse."

She just missed him so much. Jester hugged her again and then vanished into the night, back into the club that belonged to Mr. J. To the side of the man who owned Harley Quinn's heart. To her home. "

Off to Neverland then." Harley muttered to herself, hoping Peter and Wendy had actually meant what they'd said and would offer her a place to stay for the night.

Neverland during the nighttime was quieter, but still had its magical glow. The camp was in a semi-darkness. All the kids were in the tents, some adults seen in certain corners or doorways.

Guards, she realized.

"Harley!" It was Aiden who ran up to her. "You came back!"

She wasn't sure if it was something about children in general or this little boy but she had to smile despite everything.

"Yeah, I did. Is Wendy around?"

He nodded wide-eyed "Are you coming to the ceremony?!"

She didn't know what kind of ceremony he meant, but was spared from answering when a cold voice behind her said:

"You can't just come in and demand to talk to Wendy like that." Harley closed her eyes for a brief moment before turning around.

"Jodie, right?" The young round woman snorted as a response.

"Sorry." Harley muttered, obviously not sorry. "What do I need to do to talk to Wendy?"

"You can go right up!" Aiden called out from behind her. "Peter and Wendy said–"

"Aiden isn't it already way past your bedtime?!" Jodie snapped at him so harshly that even Harley flinched.

"Hey, I'm on watch-duty!"

"Well then go and watch." Jodie stared him down. "And leave the Queen to me."

"Bye Harley." Aiden muttered, but gave her a small smile before hurrying back to the entrance where another figure was waiting for him. Obviously he wasn't guarding Neverland by himself.

"What are you doing here?" The chubby girl crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared at Harley with so much hatred the Clown girl backed away.

"Wendy and Peter said I could stay."

Now Jodie actually scoffed. "I can't believe they fell for this."

Harley wanted to ask fell for what, but then Peter came out of the shadows, suddenly the way light breaks through darkness in an instant.

"Harley, you came back!" His excitement was so genuine that Harley forgot all about Jodie and her death stare.

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could stay the night?"

"Sure! You're more than welcome here, my dear."

Next to her Jodie stiffened, but didn't argue. Peter turned to her.

"Jodie, you have space in your tent, right?"

"Sure." Jodie said sure in the same tone Harley's rich grandma had spoken to her frist boyfriend at 12, a little boy with a dirty face from a poor home.

"Great!" Peter beamed at them. "Harley, you can come with me. We still have some spare sleeping bags in the back."

Harley followed him gratefully, anything to get away from Jodie. She wasn't sure about sleeping in a tent with this girl, but one night would be probably be alright. Besides she had survived prison she could survive this.

"Jodie's group is quite small. It's three girls, aged 5 – 13, Gracie, Lauren and Rachel. They're good girls." He paused and added: "Mostly."

When Harley didn't return his smile he stopped and looked at her. "Are you ok?"

She was so far from ok she couldn't think of a word for it. She looked at the older man, a mere stranger who was offering her kindness without seeming to want anything in return.

"I just need a place to stay." She said. "I don't need to sleep in a tent. I'll be gone tomorrow morning."

"The tents are more comfortable and you'll have privacy."

Peter led her to a room in the back. He produced a key and unlocked a storage room. There were shelves filled and sorted with canned foods, water bottles, medical supplies and sleeping bags and pillows. He scanned the shelves expertly and then produced a small sleeping bag for her.

"This should be a right fit for you."

"Thanks I don't really need–" He pressed the sleeping bag into her arms and added a pillow on top. "There you go."

"I really don't need the pillow."

Peter stepped back from the shelves and pulled out gray pants and a blue top.

"I can sleep in this dress."

He put it on top of her pile.

"Are you hungry? You must be."

She followed him, clutching the sleeping bag and pillow against her chest. She waited wordlessly as he locked the storage room and then he led her away from the tents to a separate part of Neverland, further back. There were rows and rows of tables and matching benches here. It was brighter back here and Harley could see more people sitting together. All of them old enough to be up at this time of night.

"You can set your things down." Peter pointed towards a table where the group was sitting and talking animatedly, but she sat down at a table by herself. He went to one of the men. He was the one who had taken care of Aiden earlier this evening. She couldn't believe how long this day already had been. Mr. J kicking her out, saving Aiden and Jodie out in the streets, being introduced into this strange new world...

"Long day?" A warm voice interrupted her thoughts and when Harley looked up she saw Wendy sitting opposite her. Her hair was up in a high ponytail that made her seem younger and she gave Harley an encouraging smile.

"Eh, yeah."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out." Wendy said in a low voice and Harley felt relieved, this whole mess with Mistah J was between them. "But I am glad you're here."

"Thanks."

"What did he say? Did you show him the test?"

Harley shook her head and was overwhelmed by a sudden fit of tiredness and sadness. She recapped the events of her meeting with Jester for Wendy, who looked at her the entire time and didn't interrupt her once.

"Harley, I'm so glad you have someone on the inside who can help you." Wendy reached out to take her hands. "I'm sure he will listen to reason."

Harley laughed a short bitter laugh. "Clearly, you've never met Mistah J."

Wendy was about to reply when the young man set a plate of steaming food in front of Harley. It was filled with potatoes, vegetables and a small steak.

"There you go." He announced and handed her a knife and a fork. She was so overwhelmed by the time she was able to say thank you he had already vanished again.

"Porter is our head-chef." Wendy explained. "He can whip up anything in a matter of minutes." Harley looked down at her place in disbelief. "This was our dinner, he heated it up, I hope that's ok."

"Yeah...yeah sure." She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten and she didn't feel particularly hungry, but she knew she needed to eat. The food was good, but her stomach still felt uneasy as she ate. Peter sat down beside Wendy, kissing her head lovingly and handing Harley a bottle of water. "Jodie will take Harley in tonight."

Wendy beamed. "Yes, that's a good fit."

Harley uncapped the bottle and announced: "I'm pretty sure she hates me. I don't see how that would be a good fit."

The couple laughed. Not in a mean way, and certainly not manically as she was used to, but lovingly, knowingly. The way parents laugh at something their children say.

"That's just the way Jodie is." Wendy explained. "Don't worry, as soon as you spend more time with her, you'll get along."

Harley was immediately thrown back into childhood memories of kindergarten. She had always been loud and what most people considered "too much". Back then there had been a little girl called Samantha and the teachers had said the same thing. You'll get along. Samantha had made her life a living hell all the way up to graduation, because she had hated Harley so much.

"It's only one night." She said. "I'm going back tomorrow."

Peter and Wendy looked at each other and communicated wordlessly. Harley wasn't sure what they were thinking, they didn't seem to be angry.

"I'll pay you back." She said immediately. "Once Mistah J and I are back on track I'll explain what you did for me and he'll pay you." She smiled. "Richly."

"Sweetheart." Wendy reached for her hand. "Don't feel like you owe us anything."

"We just want to make sure you're safe." Peter added and Harley frowned, picking at the food in front of her.

"Why?" She finally said, putting her fork down and looking at the two. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but you don't know me. You don't..." She felt so strange saying these words out loud, being in this situation when just this morning she had woken up in the same bed as the love of her life.

"You don't know what I've done." She finally said.

Peter and Wendy looked at her with open, warm expressions and it was Peter who gently said: "Harley, that's how it is for every Lost Boy here in Neverland. We don't know anyone, but we give everyone a chance. Everyone is allowed to join and is welcome. You're right, we don't know you that well. But we didn't know Porter or Jodie or anyone else before they came into our lives and now they have become family for us."

Harley didn't know what to say.

"We don't know you." He repeated. "But we can see that you are lost and need help. And that's what we do, we take lost people in." Tears burned in her eyes that she quickly blinked away.

"And as a rule the first night and first meal are for free." Wendy joined the conversation. "If you do decide to stay we can talk about how you can become a part of our community and make yourself useful."

"It's up to you." Peter added. "Whatever you want is fine with us."

Harley Quinn didn't know what to say. She hated that they called her lost. She wasn't some street-kid, kicked out or an orphan or a drug addict. She was Harley freakin' Quinn. The Queen of Gotham. Granted, currently she was without her king, but that matter would resolve itself soon. Just for tonight she would be a lost boy, she decided. She was a Queen, she was strong, she had been through worse. But she also knew a good deal when she saw one. Jester was right, someone was trying to harm her and her Puddin' and sleeping outside on the streets just for her pride would be ridiculous and stupid, she knew that.

"Ok, deal." She said with a smile. "I'll stay for one night and then we'll see what will happen tomorrow."

Peter beamed.

"Great!" Wendy looked relieved. "I don't want you out there in the dark, without protection."

Her husband stroked her arm affectingly as if to comfort her. Harley looked away, because this display of affection made her heart ache.

"I have immunity." She explained. "Everyone knows not to mess with Mistah J's girl."

Tomorrow she would go home, she would talk to Mr. J, she would make him listen. Jester was on her side. Peter and Wendy were on her side too, they wanted to help. They wouldn't mind whether or not she was at home or in Neverland. They just wanted her to be happy. She would be happy and safe with Mr. J. And he would apologize for reacting so harshly, for not trusting her, but believing the voices in his mind. They would be ok, she could feel it in her bones as Peter and Wendy gave her encouraging smiles. She would be ok.

Jester took a deep breath as she headed back inside the club. Her insides were boiling with rage. She tossed the negative pregnancy test in the first bin she found and headed straight for the Joker.

Everyone in the club was having the time of their lives.

The dancer, Livia, was putting on a great show for everyone. Obviously not as great as Harley, but that was because that Clown Slut was the most submissive creature Jester had ever encountered. To get a mere smile from her beloved Puddin' she'd do just about anything.

The Joker sat in his VIP-Lounge where they'd been having such a great time last night.

He was miserable.

She could see it in his tousled hair, the dark look in his eyes and the way he sat motionless. People would think he was crazy, but she saw past it, knew him well enough by now to really understand him. To see who he was.

"Boss?" She said in a gentle tone, not wanting to rattle him.

He looked at her, his eyes wild and she knew voices in his mind were near killing him with emotional pain. She almost felt sorry for him.

"What did she say?"

It was difficult. More difficult than she had imagined. She sat down opposite him leaning close, but not to close.

"She wants to talk to you." He chewed his lip as if he were thinking about this. As if it was an option. "I told her you needed time and–"

"I don't need time!" He snapped. "I need someone who won't fuck someone else!"

Jester didn't flinch at his loud voice. She was used to it. "I'm sorry, boss."

"Did she tell you who it was?"

The petite woman shook her head. "No, she said she was going to have an abortion even though she doesn't want to...I think...she thinks that's makes it ok."

"Nothing makes it ok!" Mr. J yelled and smashed his drink on the ground, causing some of the guests in his club to look over, but none of them came over. They weren't suicidal.

"I know, Mr. J." She said quickly. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry!"

She leaned back. It was time to leave, it was too dangerous to be around him when he was like this. However much she wanted to stay, she had to be careful.

He leaned forward onto his knees, scrunching up his hair.

From the outside it was madness, but Jester knew it was raw excruciating emotional pain.

"I thought it might not be true." He muttered into his hands. "I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt."

"I know." Jester said. "So did I."

He snorted and she wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Boss." She swallowed, her heart beating in her chest. "I've been through something like this before. And it's..." He looked up at her. His gaze was so intense she wished she hadn't said anything, he had the look he got before he shot someone. But she'd started now, so she might as well finish what she'd been saying. "It's heart-wrenching and terrible, but you'll make it through." She remembered how much she had cried, how torn up she had been. She tried to tell herself this was how he felt.

"Women are all sluts, then?" He cackled.

"Actually." Jester blushed. "That was a man."

Now the Joker chuckled. "So then you swore off all men?"

"Well.." She leaned back, crossing her legs. "I may have not been entirely honestly about my sexuality."

After all she knew how insane and possessive both of the clowns were. If she hadn't pretended to like girls she'd never gotten close enough. The Joker was quiet and despite the crowd around them, the loud music, she could feel his silence as if it was enveloping her, creating a world the two of them were in together.

"I'll go and see if Johnny needs help." She said, rising to her feet.

"Jessica?" He said suddenly in the most vulnerable voice she had ever heard him use. It was strange, but satisfying . "Your real name is Jessica, isn't it?"

"Yeah, sir."

He looked up and she could see intense pain radiating in his blue eyes. A look she knew all too well from her own expression. They looked at each other for a long moment, before the Joker asked:

"Would you like to have a drink with me?"

Thanks for reading! What do you guys think? Was anyone fooled by Jester?