Chapter 9: I'll be Your Friend

"Don't hurt me. I'll be your friend. Do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it."

"My heart scares you and a gun doesn't?"

"DO IT!"

The Joker & Harleen Quinzel Suicide Squad, Extended Cut (2016).

They had earned more that day than Harley had earned in the club, which offended her more than she'd ever admit and also made her question whether or not Mr. J had kept money from her.

Surely her dances were worth more money than Jodies' singing and ballet-dancing?

But there was no way for her to find that out, at least not now.

Jodie and Porter were both in a good mood. They laughed with Rachel, let Gracie run ahead further than they normally would and promised large rewards for the whole tent.

Whoever brought the most money home was usually rewarded with food and desert, so Harley didn't care. She wasn't really listening. Sometimes Rachel joined their conversation and she heard the word "ceremony" and "dress" every now and then, but she wasn't really interested.

She missed Mistah J. She was feeling all kinds of emotions and wanted to share them with him. She wanted him here.

She wanted him back.

Harley wasn't the only one who didn't feel celebratory. Lauren was trudging beside her quietly, pouting and shoulders hanging.

In her newly found position as an older sister she felt like now was the moment to say something.

"Your dancing was real nice."

"Thanks." The child muttered. "Gracie is the cutest though, because of her stupid wings."

"You could get some wings of your own."

Lauren snorted. "I'm not a baby!"

Harley didn't respond and tried to remember if she had been this insufferable at 11 years old as well. She couldn't go that far back.

"Thank you for saving me." Lauren said and Harley felt her impatience for the child vanish as quickly as it had appeared.

"Sure." She said. "I'm sorry that happened."

After all this despicable piece of human garbage had been targeting Harley and not the girl.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you."

Harley laughed and realized in that moment that she actually liked this girl. She had her flaws of course, but so did Harley.

"I'm a bitch sometimes too." She admitted and Lauren smiled at her, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"It was scary." She said in a small voice. "I thought he would hurt me."

Harley remembered feeling scared. She remembered feeling small and helpless.

"I can teach you how to fight." She promised and Lauren stopped walking and looked up at her. "Really?"

"Yes. All of you should know how to defend yourselves, it's important. I could be ya teacher."

The pair continued walking. Jodie, Porter and the other two girls were somewhere further off, but they didn't mind.

"Who taught you?"

Harley, you're too gorgeous to be be defenseless, I can't have the Bat stealin' ya away from me.

"Mistah J." The older girl said and his name sent a pain radiating through her chest. She just couldn't believe they weren't together.

"Well he taught you well!" Lauren grinned. "What you did was awesome, you were so fast!" She laughed, genuinely laughed and the sound touched Harley's heart in a way she hadn't expected.

I did this, she thought, I helped her, I made her laugh again.

They walked on in silence.

"Can I ask you some stuff sometime?" Lauren asked and the blush in her cheeks made Harley understand what the girl meant with stuff, but she still added: "You know...about boys?"

"Sure." She said almost automatically, although she wasn't sure how much help she could really be.

It was quiet again and Lauren began humming and swaying while she walked as if she were listening to music.

"How do I know if a boy likes me?"

Oh shit, Harley thought, as she realized she was actually not the right person for this conversation.

"Well..."

"Like, how did the Joker show you he liked you?"

"Well..."

She believed her and Mistah J's love had been true. She knew people thought he was incapable of love, but she knew for a fact that wasn't true.

But telling a 11 year old that the man of her dreams had shown his affection by killing almost everyone around her, but sparing her by torturing her with shock therapy instead of murdering her was a bit much. She decided to change tactics.

"Is there a boy you like?" She asked instead and Lauren's blush spoke for itself. Her gaze went to the front where the others were still in sight, but out of ear shot. She checked behind her, before announcing in a hushed tone:

"Aiden." She blushed deeper and Harley smiled, because the innocence of Neverland, the possibilities made her believe in something good and pure.

In love that lasted longer than one silly argument, in men that didn't just abandon their women, when things got difficult and started up with the next best slut they found.

"I can see that." She said now, concentrating on keeping her emotions in check. "He's loyal, your age and not ugly."

Lauren giggled.

"Has he..." 11 is a bit young, she thought. "Does he treat you differently than other girls?"

"He told me I was pretty once."

"There you go. Try talking to him about stuff, it's good to have things in common."

Lauren's eyes grew wide. "I can't talk to him! Then he'll know I like him!"

Harley laughed and wished for the first time in a long time she could have had a different story. She wished she and Mistah J could have met under different circumstances, could have both been younger. He had completed her and she would have liked to been fully herself earlier.

"You can just talk to him about casual stuff, you can tell him about today and once we start training you can tell him about that too."

"What did you do?" Lauren asked and Harley, though uncomfortable was impressed by this girls' confidence in asking her all these questions. "In the beginning?"

The Beginning.

Those two words cut through her like a knife.

"Well..." She sighed. "I was his doctor, so I wasn't allowed to...like him. So I tried to keep it to myself and keeping it secret." In hindsight she hadn't done a very good job, even the smallest hint that anything about her, her looks, her smile, her humor, appealed to him had her smiling for a week.

"Did that work?"

"Nope." She laughed. "Not very well. And I mean he liked me too."

People from the outside said he'd taken advantage of poor Harleen Quinzel, had manipulated her. She felt sorry for those people, because they'd never known love like that.

"And then what happened?" Lauren asked clearly forgotten her own boy-drama in the midst of Harley's.

"Well..."

There had been a lot of inappropriate behavior after their first kiss. He'd pushed her boundaries and she had loved every second of it. He'd wanted to go all the way, but she had said no. Not at work. Not like that.
"There was a moment." She hadn't thought about this moment in ages. How he had told her a long, detailed tale of his one true love, waiting for him outside of Arkham. How the thought of this girl had his heart skipping a beat, how whenever she was around his life was perfect. How she was everything he'd been missing.

Harleen had told him she was happy for him, while a part of her had died inside. She'd been so jealous, so humiliated. Felt so stupid.

And he had leaned forward, over the table separating them.

Their eyes had locked and she'd gotten lost in that deep, endless blue.

"What happened?" Lauren asked.

"He kissed me." She whispered, back at that table, in the shock and surprise, the realization that all the things he'd said, he had said about her. The moment when all of the walls had came tumbling down and she'd clung to him as if she was lost at sea and he was her lifeline.

"He just leaned over and kissed me and I was done for."

Lauren was looking at her and Harley was the one to blush.

"Anyway..." They had reached Neverland. "Let's figure out how to train ya girls, ok?"

Her head was spinning and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She missed him so much. How could he just replace her? After everything they'd been through?

Lauren ran ahead to her friend and Harley watched her go, with tears streaming down her face silently. She'd never felt so alone in her entire life.

The laughter in Neverland annoyed her as she poked around in her food. Gracie had sat down beside her comradely which was cute. And she was quiet again, which was something Harley enjoyed a lot. This was a friend she could get used to.

It had been a mistake telling Lauren about those memories.

She had poured salt all over her own wounds and right now all she wanted was to be alone and cry.

But Neverland was a place where privacy was hard to come by.

"I don't like what you said to Lauren." Jodie sat down opposite her and Harley sighed, laying her fork down, close to giving up on eating entirely.

"Keep your relationship advice to yourself, ok? Romanticizing a psychotic lunatic who manipulated you isn't exactly a good bed time story." She rolled her eyes. "You're not their role model."

Harley was too tired to argue with this bitch right now. Besides Gracie was sitting next to her her, listening intently, even if she didn't say a word.

"Fine." She said. "But the way you treat them you've managed to raise defenseless little babies. Did Lauren tell you what happened today?"

"Yeah, because we took you in, we now have serial rapists on our track. Thanks for that."

Of course somehow this was Harley's fault in Jodie's eyes. Harley didn't even know why she was still surprised.

"Gotham City is full of scum." She said. "That's nothin' new and that's not my fault. These girls need to know how to fight."

"No they don't!" Jodie looked aghast. "They're too young, they need to be sheltered, we will protect them, you know the ones who actually care about them."

"I care about them!" Harley snapped and next to her Gracie flinched. "Sorry." She muttered before turning back to Jodie again, repeating: "I care about them. I helped Lauren, didn't I? I coulda just left them all to him and ran away."

"And where would you have run to, Harley Quinn?" Jodie leaned forward fearlessly, her eyes boring into Harley's. "You have no one left, you have no place to go. You need us. And as soon as you get the chance you'll vanish and leave everyone behind, so do me a favor and stay away from my girls ok?" She stood up. "Gracie, come with me."

The little girl picked up her empty plate and trotted to Jodie obviously reluctantly. Jodie glared at her and left without giving Harley a chance to reply. It's not like she was entirely wrong, anyway. If Mr. J apologized and took her back she would go back. He was her home.

But she knew that he wouldn't.

With a sigh she buried her face in her hands.

Maybe it was best to leave.

But she wanted to belong to Neverland. She liked their philosophy. She liked the idea of being helpful. Of being an older sister.

"Long day?"

She looked up from her hands to find Wendy sitting opposite her.

"Yeah."

Wendy smiled, she held a mug of steaming tea in her hands. "Lauren told me what happened. I'm sorry you had to experience that."

"I'm fine!" Harley snapped and was immediately embarrassed. "I mean, it was worse for Lauren."

"Well she's found her own personal hero." Wendy chuckled. "So I think she'll be ok." She looked down at the mug in her hands. "Lauren told me you want to train her."

Harley decided to leave Neverland then. She realized that her ideas weren't made for this place and maybe it was better to leave Gotham altogether.

Start over somewhere new.

"I think that's a brilliant idea." Wendy beamed and Harley frowned.

"Really?"

"Yes. Honestly it's about time. Jodie has her ways and I love her, but the girls need to learn how to fight fast. I'm glad you suggested this."

"Jodie doesn't like it." Harley admitted. "She told me to stay away from 'her girls'."

Now Wendy was the one to frown. It looked wrong on her lovely face.

"I'll talk to Jodie." She said. "Change is difficult for her. But this is going too far." She seemed to realize how this sounded to Harley and said: "Her best friend, Alison left Neverland a little over a year ago." A dark shadow passed Wendy's face. A shadow that Harley knew all to well. Grief over someone who wasn't dead. "They were responsible for the girls' tent and she was a dancer too." Wendy smiled sadly. "Alison decided to leave, because she was offered a scholarship to become a professional dancer. It was the right decision for her and I'm happy for her, but it broke Jodie's heart." Then almost inaudible she added: "Again."

Harley didn't know what to say. She was constantly torn between not caring and wanting to prove herself. Between wanting to go home and wanting to call this her home.

"They were in-sync." Wendy explained. "The best team we had and very close. They knew each other inside out."

"Are you sure they were just friends?" They way Wendy described this friendship Harley felt about Mistah J.

Wendy laughed genuinely and Harley had to smile despite everything.

"Yes, they were just friends. Anyway, I know it would be difficult accepting someone else, so I gave her some leniency, but I will talk to her. The girls aren't 'her' girls. You're responsible for them too and she will have to learn to share this with you and accept your help."

"Thank you." She thought about what Wendy had just said and told her: "Gracie talked to me today."

"Really?!" The older woman crossed her hands over her heart. "Oh, that's wonderful! What did she say?"

Harley recapped the short conversation she'd had with the girl and Wendy's eyes blazed with happiness.

"Do you see the difference you're already making in these girls' lives?" She asked her. "I'm so happy you're here, Harley."

A flood of positive emotions rushed through Harley, making her skin tingle. She reached for the fork and continued eating the food Porter had prepared during the day.

While she ate she felt more human than she had in a long time. She felt like herself again.

"By the way." Wendy said suddenly. "There's something I wanted to run by you."

"Sure."

Wendy set her empty mug down and looked nervous. Harley tried to catch her gaze. If Wendy felt uncomfortable talking about something, it probably wasn't a good thing. She would probably tell Harley to stop giving romantic advice to the girls.

"Peter and I have been married for 25 years this week. And we want to celebrate this tomorrow night. We will renew our vowels, have some food, the Lost Boys are preparing some surprises for us, I think." She smiled. "I'm not supposed to know. Anyway, I just wanted to ask you, if you're coming. It would mean a lot to me."

"Yeah." She answered without thinking it through. "I mean, sure, if you guys want me there."

"Of course we want you there!" Wendy exclaimed and her passion made Harley feel at ease again. "You are one of us Harley, don't let anyone else tell you differently."

"Thanks."

"If you feel like it and it's not...well if it's not too insensitive to ask..." Wendy squirmed in her seat. "Would you maybe like to perform something for us?"

Performing would be singing. Harley couldn't dance in front of Neverland.

"Eh.." Harley was taken aback. "I think you should probably ask Jodie...I'm not sure I'm the best singer."

"Oh I'm sure Jodie will be singing something, she usually does. But it would mean a lot to us, if you would sing too only if you feel like it. I know it's rather short notice. If you feel like it you can talk to Porter, he's organizing the even. But please don't feel pressured, we'd be happy if you attend, if it's not too much for you."

Wendy was not good at asking for a favor and that made Harley smile, because the older woman was so forthcoming and awkward at the same time.

"Sure, I'll talk to Porter." She promised. "I can do it."

"I know you can." Wendy reached out to touch her hand and once again Harley was transported back to the better part of her childhood, the part her mother had been there for. "I have no doubt that you can do anything you set your mind upon, Harley Quinn."

It was too late to start the training, so Harley promised the girls she'd take care of their self-defense problem after Peter and Wendy's ceremony. The girls were consumed with it anyway, because they wanted to dance at the party tomorrow evening. And they kept on asking her for fashion advice, which dress she thought was the nicest, or the prettiest and how they ought to wear their hair.

Jodie was up on the platform talking to Wendy so she wasn't there to shoot daggers as Harley pinned up Lauren's hair and braided Rachel's straight hair so that it was wavy tomorrow.

It was a long evening, but it was nice. It was nice that people wanted to hear her opinion.

It was nice to be needed.

She hadn't told her charges about the singing, because she wasn't sure she was up for it. She'd wanted to sing in Mistah J's club, but the truth was it hadn't mattered whether or not she was talented in his world.

As his girl everyone had loved her and cheered her on anyway.

And now she wasn't sure what she really was capable of. Seeing those girls dance angel-like, innocently had made her feel dirty.

You're such a slut, I shoulda known the way you dance in front of everyone...

But he had liked the way she danced. He had bought her those clothes.

Get this whore out of my house, before I kill ya both.

"Good night, Harley!" Lauren called out as she hurried to the exit of the tent.

"Night, Harley thanks for your help!"

Gracie was quiet.

"Night, girls." Harley said and was surprised with the affection she felt for the three of them.

Outside in Neverland the large lights were being switched off. She was surprised that the two older girls were prepared to go to bed at the same time as the little one, but when she heard their soft whispers and giggles she realized they wouldn't be sleeping just yet.

She decided to go looking for Porter first. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about Wendy's proposal, but she thought he would be good place to start.

The dining hall was filled with the younger grownups. Teens, men and women in their mid-twenties sat together, laughed, flirted and just seemed to have a good time.

There was Peter in their midst, sticking out like a sore thumb due to his age, but obviously belonging right in the middle of the Lost Boys. He waved at her and Harley waved back with a small smile. She scanned the room, but couldn't find the young blonde man anywhere. No one seemed to notice her so she went to the back where the kitchen was.

"Thanks Aiden, but you should get to bed now." Porter was instructing the younger boy Harley had met on her first night and looked up when she came inside. "Oh hey Harley." When he smiled he reminded her of a sunny summer day. Everything was bright and blazing.

Her heart sank when she thought of Mistah J and his blazing eyes.

"Are you hungry?" He asked and she almost scoffed, but didn't want to be rude.

"I was lookin' for you." She admitted and wondered how that might sound. Aiden definitively looked intrigued, but he was a child.

"Off to bed, Buddy." Porter gently nudged him and Aiden dropped his shoulders.

"Night, Harley." He muttered and went outside.

"So." Porter beamed at her. "What's up?"

"Wendy asked me if I want to perform at this ceremony tomorrow..."

He grinned. "And do you?"

"I'm not sure." She admitted. "I mean, I like singing'...I've just never really done it in front of a crowed before, not like..not like Jodie and you did. That was amazing." He looked at her attentively and she felt transported back to her days at Dr. Quinzel, when her Puddin' had looked at her with all the focus he had. "I'm a good dancer." She said "The best some would say, Mistah J always let me dance for the crowds, but singin' was never something..." She broke off, unsure of what to say.

"Something he'd let you do?" Porter prompted and she nodded, averting her eyes.

"Well, if you're interested I have a list of Neverland themed songs you could give a go." He grinned. "There's one called Lost Boys, if you sing that almost everyone will sing along, people might not even be able to hear you."

Harley had to laugh at that. "Ok, fair enough."

"I can give you the list and you can see what you want to do." He smiled at her and Harley felt her own smile on her face. Porter's smile was genuine and real and contagious.

"I'm sortin' out the menu for tomorrow night." He explained. "I was thinking we could have hot dogs and burgers and fries for the kids and soups for us adults." He flashed her a grin. "And I bought some wine too."

She giggled. "I'm on board."

He chuckled and then became serious again: "Hey, can I show you something?" He didn't wait for an answer and walked over to a pantry at the side of the kitchen on the other side He vanished inside and when he returned he was carrying a large white wedding cake with the letters P & W written on the middle part in golden, fancy letters, two fairies were above them.

"Did you bake this?!"

Porter chuckled. "Yeah, Aiden helped me."

"Aiden?"

"Yeah." He chuckled at her surprise. "Kitchen work helps him unwind and concentrate." A dark shadow passed his face. "It's hard for him to calm down sometimes."

"Huh." Harley knew the feeling.

"I was thinking..." He reappeared with two figurines. A bride and groom and showed them to her. "I'd like to rearrange these two to make them look more like Peter and Wendy."

She took the small wedding couple in her hands and felt like crying once again. What wouldn't she have given to be a bride. To be Mistah J's bride.

But then again if he had replaced her so easy as a Queen, who knew whether or not their marriage would have lasted?

"What do you think?" He asked. "I even have a small sword we could glue to the groom."

"Yeah." She said handing them back "That's a good idea."

"Yeah..." Porter blushed. "The thing is I'm really bad with crafts and stuff."

Harley laughed.

"Jodie was supposed to take care of it, but she's out with Wendy and I don't know when they'll be back."

"I think I got her into trouble." Harley admitted. "She hasn't been very nice to me and Wendy said she'll talk to her." Harley paused and looked into Porter's blue eyes. "She told me about Alison."

He nodded, the pain obvious in his eyes. "Yeah, Alison leaving was a harsh blow for all of us."

He's in love with her. Harley realized. With the girl who had left Neverland and rejoined the real world.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah." He sighed looking at the mini bride and groom. "She would have loved this. She was so good at arts and crafts."

Harley was gripped by so much compassion she was almost knocked down by it. She knew after all exactly how it felt to be left behind.

"Well I'm no Martha Stuart, but I can glue something together." She took the figures from him, her fingers briefly touching his hand. "I can paint the bride's hair in a brown tone. The structure is similar to Wendy's."

Porter beamed. "That would be great, really. Hold on." He vanished inside the pantry again and came back with a box filled with glitter glue, small wooden parts, paintbrushes and some paint..

"I'll be with you in half an hour." He promised. "When I'm done with menu."

"Don't worry." She said, because she knew she wouldn't sleep well tonight anyway. "I'll be up late."

He smiled at her and this time his smile was sad. They shared this pain, she realized. He was someone who was tortured by memories at night too.

The dining room was less crowed when she came back. Peter was gone which was good because she didn't want to spoil the surprise.

She took out the little blond couple and stared at them. Then she put them away, looking through the box for paints that would help her matter.

When he fingers gripped green paint she almost started crying again. How easy it would be to paint his hair green, to put the two on top of a large cake with hahaha written across it.

"Oh Puddin'." She sighed.

Harley didn't think she'd ever be ok again, she couldn't imagine ever loving someone else the same way she loved the Joker.

They had been happy, truly and genuinely.

All the things he'd said to Dr. Quinzel in confidence, all the secret dreams he had.

They had all come true.

Down to a T she had fulfilled all his wishes and now he had tossed her aside like some broken toy he was bored with?!

Even though she wasn't broken? Even though she had done nothing wrong?

"Are you sad?"

Harley looked up from the green paint and a real smile stole itself onto her face.

"Gracie." She whispered at the sleepy child in a too big nightgown and her fairy wings. "You should be in bed, Honey."

"I can't sleep." The child responded in a quiet, careful voice. "Rachel and Lauren are being mean."

Harley sighed. This big sister gig really was a full time job.

"Whatcha' doin?" The little girl asked and once again Harley was reminded of herself.

"Well, I'm trying to make these two..." She held up the figurines, "look more like Peter and Wendy. So they can stand on top their cake tomorrow."

Gracie rubbed her tired eyes but looked intrigued. "Can I help?"

"Sure!" Harley wouldn't force her to lie back down if she couldn't sleep and especially not if the other two were annoying her. "I was just looking for a color for Wendy's hair. What do you think? Does this green look like Wendy?" She held up another bottle. "Or yellow?"

Gracie giggled a high-pitched squeal and the sound warmed Harley's broken heart. She thinks I'm funny, she thought.

They picked out a brown color, similar to Wendy's natural hair and Harley supervised as Gracie painted the figures' hard blonde hair.

Her enthusiasm wasn't faked. She was sincerely impressed by Gracie's painting skills and she wondered if she was secretly just impressed by the girl with the broken fairy wings so that no matter what she didn't Harley would cheer her on.

After painting Wendy she sent her to bed, because she kept nodding off. She wanted to bring her, but Gracie shook her head and insisted she was fine in a way that Harley realized was true. This girl was six years old and tucked herself in.

Pretty Bad-ass, she thought as she watched her go. More bad-ass than I've been lately.

She continued with Peter, the brown haired man had gray streaks, she wanted to make them visible without ruining the figurine. She found the small wooden sword Porter or Jodie had crafted she wasn't sure, but it was perfect.

She had just started her first paint job on the male figurine when someone sat down opposite her.

Jodie didn't look happy, but she didn't look like she wanted to physically hurt Harley any more either. She looked at the bride and nodded approvingly. Then she took the sword and started building a small strap that she could put around the groom's body.

They didn't talk, but they stayed there working together in silence, turning the two small figurines into the version best suited for them. They stayed there well into the night and Harley tried to feel the same compassion for Jodie she'd also felt for Porter.

They weren't exactly friends and they probably never would be, but they could try to get along, she could see that.

After all, they had been left by the ones they loved.

They were both Lost Boys.

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for your reviews. They mean so much to me! What did you think of this chapter?