A/N: Sorry this took a little longer to post. I had a little brain freeze in the middle and couldn't seem to get things moving the way I wanted. Hopefully this satisfies.
The weekend seemed to move at glacial speed. Yoby kept her busy, but every minute felt like an hour. She had dinner on Saturday night with a friend and enjoyed getting out and meeting some new people. It took her mind off Chip, which she needed. By Sunday though, she had a headache and a queasy stomach. He usually got back to Nashville late afternoon or early evening, depending on the flight he took, and she didn't know when to expect him. She wished she had someone to talk to, but Carla was the only who knew about the relationship and she knew her friend was uneasy about it. She hadn't told Carla they were together again and she didn't want to start that conversation while she was feeling so out of sorts.
She knew the reason she was feeling anxious was not knowing if his family would be coming for the Opry show. She didn't really want to meet his wife or his kids. It would make things more real. The bubble would be burst and she wasn't ready for that.
While Yoby was taking a nap, she sat in her bedroom and tried to get ready. She'd put on jeans and, because it was chilly outside, she was wearing a sweater that was soft as a cloud and felt ultra-luxurious against her skin. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail first, then took it down and brushed it out so that it floated around her shoulders. She then tried a side ponytail but wasn't happy with it. She wished she had Rayna's glam squad to help and that made her smile. Rayna Jaymes always looked exactly right. Her hairstyles were trendy yet appropriate for her age. The clothes she wore signaled money and the ability to put herself together well. Either that or she'd learned from her stylists. She was always impeccable. Connie was not. She didn't wear a lot of makeup unless she was going out. She preferred wearing her glasses and usually didn't even brush her hair. She would drag her fingers through it and call it done. So why am I getting so agitated over this?
By the time Chip texted her that he'd landed in Nashville, she had changed from the sweater to an old Dartmouth sweatshirt and had finally decided on the high ponytail. She put on a pair of tortoise shell glasses that Chip always told her made her look like a librarian and decided she was fine. She slipped on a pair of flats and then went to get some dinner together for Yoby.
It was close to 8:00 when he got to her house. When she let him in the door, he pulled her close and kissed her like he hadn't seen her in weeks. The kiss left her breathless but still a little giddy. He was most definitely a great kisser. She smiled and then raised up on her toes to kiss him again. "Hey," she said, a smile on her face.
"Hey. I missed you," he said, holding her close. He looked around her. "Is Yoby still up?"
She shook her head. "I got him to go to bed a little early."
He smiled. "So I've got you all to myself."
She nodded. "You do." She stepped back. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Do you still have that bourbon?"
"I do. I'll get us some."
"No, no, that's okay. Let me do it. You go sit down."
She had that anxious feeling again and breathed in deeply as she walked into the den and settled onto the couch. She could see him from where she was and she watched as he got glasses and then poured the bourbon. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary with him and she tried to make herself relax. When he came into the den, she smiled as she took the glass he offered, and then waited for him to sit. He put his arm around her and she leaned into his shoulder.
She took a sip of the bourbon, hoping it would calm her nerves. She ran her hand along his thigh. "Did you have a good weekend?" she asked, not really looking at him. He ran his fingers over her arm, not saying anything immediately.
"It was a normal weekend," he said finally. "Missed you though."
She turned her head to look at him. "I missed you."
He took another swallow of his bourbon and sighed. "She's coming." She looked away then and the hand on her arm pressed her closer. "I'm sorry. But, you know, it probably would have been odd for her not to and I didn't really feel like I could say she shouldn't." She took her hand from his thigh and sat up, leaning forward to put her glass on the table. He pulled her back and looked deep in her eyes. "I still want you to be there." She opened her mouth, but he kept talking. "It matters to me that you're there. It's important to me."
She wasn't sure what to say. She clasped her hands together in her lap. "I think it would be awkward," she said.
"I know. I understand. But I need you to know that, as awkward as it might be, having you there is all that matters. You are all that matters." He cleared his throat. "Nothing feels quite right without you, Connie. I realize that more every day. Please know that I wish it didn't have to be like this. I don't want to have to put you in this position. Nothing else makes sense now that there's you."
She got teary listening to him. "I don't know if I can." She looked at him and saw tears in his eyes then. "I feel like you don't understand why this would be hard for me."
"This is one of the most important things I've gotten to do in my life. Having you there for that would mean everything. But I do understand. I do. I know I'm being selfish, but you matter." He breathed in, then set his glass on the side table. He looked back at her. "More than anything, I don't want to lose you. But I feel like I will. That this will get between us although I hope it won't." He stopped for a moment and she could see he was struggling with his emotions. "I love you, Connie. I think I've loved you almost from the start." She looked at him with surprise. "Right now, though, it's just an impossible situation."
She reached for his hands and held them tightly, struggling for words. "Why? Were you unhappy? Was it just because I was...here? Because I let it happen?"
He shook his head and she saw a tear roll down his cheek. "No, it's not you or anything you did. I didn't plan it. I didn't come here thinking this would happen. It's hard to explain."
"Try."
He had a pained look on his face. "That first day we met and we talked I felt something I couldn't really put my finger on, couldn't really name. But the feeling was powerful, overwhelming almost. I felt like I had just met the person I was meant to be with. And I know, I was married – am married – but it's really never left me. I probably shouldn't have acted on it, but it was just, well, it just felt inevitable. And I know you felt it too."
She wanted to tell him no, she had not, but that would have been a lie. "I did. But I also didn't have a husband. I wasn't in a situation where it would hurt someone else. I knew what I was doing. I did it willingly. I also knew from the very beginning that I could be hurt. And that this could hurt others. I did it anyway." She put one hand on his cheek. "I'm so drawn to you. I can't help it. I just don't know how I would look into the eyes of someone else, knowing that. How do you do it?"
He touched the tip of his tongue to his upper lip. She could see how hard he was trying to keep it together and it made her want to cry. "All I can say is that I try to keep it separate. When I'm with my family, I try to focus on them. Give them 100%. But the times I'm alone or when I go to sleep at night, I think about you. I can't help that." He sighed. "But I've lost you – again – haven't I?"
She knew she should say yes, but her heart was telling her something different. She could feel the tears rolling down her face and reached up to wipe them away. She shook her head. "Maybe I should say yes. Probably I should say yes. But I can't." She saw the hopefulness in his eyes and she felt it in her heart. He reached for her, pulling her into his arms, and kissing her. She relaxed into the kiss, putting aside any uncertainties, just concentrating on how he made her feel.
Much later, she was laying next to him, in the dark. He was facing her, letting his fingers trail down her arm. She looked at him in the dimness of the room and then rolled onto her side to face him. "I didn't mean to ignore what you said before." He looked confused. "When you said you loved me." She paused. "I love you too." He just looked at her at first and then he kissed her.
She went to his Opry debut after all. There were several other cast members who had come and she was able to stand with them. She had hugged him and he'd hugged her back, the hand on her back pressing her closer to him than might otherwise have been the case. She had whispered her congratulations and he had whispered back how glad he was that she was there. She had slipped out after his performance, feeling sad and disappointed that she couldn't share it with him more fully. But they only had a couple more weeks until the holiday break and she wanted as much time with him as she could get before then. She decided she would let her heart rule for the time being.
She fought tears as she headed back home. First of all, she didn't want to cry, and second of all, she was being driven home and didn't want the driver to see her cry. She could only imagine having the news spread all across social media, if not mainstream media, that Connie Britton was crying in an Uber on the way home from the Ryman, where, interestingly, Charles Esten was making his Opry debut. She didn't like to show her personal feelings about life stuff, although she was happy to do that when it came to causes that mattered to her. A tear or a display of empathy when talking about children's issues or homelessness or the environment was helpful in terms of gaining interest and support, although she truthfully never even had to manufacture that. She'd been told over and over that she had a soft heart – and she did – but she didn't want to have others outside her circle see that when it came to matters of her own heart.
After she'd gotten home and let Olivia leave, she had gone to check on Yoby. He was sleeping peacefully and she smiled. Now that he was almost 2, he was becoming more of his own person and less completely dependent on her. She was enjoying being a mom, even though she often felt like she was still learning. Some of her mom friends had told her not to worry so much about getting things perfect, that many times good enough was fine, and even when things went wrong, they usually turned out okay in the end, and the kid wasn't scarred for life. Yoby was happy, healthy, and loving. She had worried a little, early on, about being a single mom raising a son, but she had many male friends who had become wonderful substitutes for a male role model. And since being in Nashville, Chip had become one of Yoby's favorite people, whether at home or on set.
Thinking about Chip made her think about that night. He'd been super excited about his debut. He had acted like he always did when he was really hyped up about something, almost like he was high or something. He was always checking on everyone, running back and forth from here to there, practically jumping out of his shoes. He introduced people to each other, trying to make sure everyone was having a good time. It was one of the things that made her laugh, but that she also thought was sweet. He wanted people to have a good time and he saw himself as the one responsible for that. He was definitely the life of the party.
He made her laugh. He could turn anything into a practical joke or a funny story or song. When scenes got a little too intense, he would say or do something that would leave her in tears from laughing so hard, even though that usually meant multiple additional takes. When she was with him, it made her feel like she was sitting in the back of the room with her high school best friend, whispering and passing notes when the teacher wasn't looking. People loved to be around him and he loved being the center of attention. He was also easy to talk to, kind, understanding, and passionate about the people and things closest to him. It was what drew her to him – as a coworker, a friend, and a lover.
She sighed and looked down at Yoby again before leaving his room. She walked downstairs and headed for her bedroom, where she changed into a sweatshirt and pajama pants. She headed back out to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. She looked at the time and thought that he and his family would be at the place where she had arranged the private dinner. Which then made her think about his wife. She sat on the couch, drawing one leg up to her chest. Patty. It wasn't that she hadn't known her name and it wasn't that she'd never seen a picture of him with his whole family. But it was different seeing her in person. She was blonde and pretty and petite in that girl next door kind of way. She was quiet and not particularly chatty.
He had introduced them and she could see the awkwardness in his expression. They had shaken hands and exchanged the usual pleasantries. She seemed nice enough, but it was weird. She turned away as soon as it seemed appropriate and engaged in conversation with some of the other cast. She had introduced herself to Chip's cousins and chatted with them briefly, then connected back with her coworkers. When she thought back on it, she didn't think she'd come across as rude or aloof. Their paths didn't really cross again, although a big reason for that was that she did not let them.
She picked up the remote then and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until she found something relatively mindless to watch. She'd been watching an animal documentary for a few minutes when her phone buzzed. She picked up and was surprised it was Chip.
"Hey," she said with a smile.
"Hey." He paused. "I'm glad you came." She could hear the sound of voices in the background, but they were somewhat muted, as though he wasn't standing close.
"I am too. Where are you?"
"Dinner. I'm in the lobby though. Just wanted to call."
"Well, I'm glad you did."
"Wish you were here."
"Yeah, I know. I do too, but, you know." She paused. "So how is everything?"
"It's great. Food is great, ambiance is great. Thanks for setting this up, baby. Everyone's enjoying it."
She smiled to herself. "Well, I really did want it to be a nice celebration for you. I'm looking forward to hearing how you felt out there on stage. You really sounded amazing."
"I want to tell you all about it. So, can I see you Sunday?"
She didn't know why she hadn't really thought about the fact that his wife would be there for the weekend. It made her a little uncomfortable to think too much about it, so she pushed it aside. "Sure. Do you know about when?"
"Probably afternoon. My cousins will be driving back after lunch." Which meant his wife probably would be leaving too.
"Sounds good. Just text me when you're on your way."
There was a pause. "Um, so are we okay?"
She picked up her glass and took a sip of wine. "Yes," she said. "We're very okay."
It was the middle of the afternoon on Sunday before she heard from Chip. "Hey," she said when she picked up her phone. "I thought you were going to text me."
"I just thought I'd call instead." She thought he sounded a little nervous.
"Is everything okay? Are you coming by?"
"Yeah, of course. I just wanted to, you know, check before I did."
"Did you think I'd change my mind?"
"Well, no, I guess, but, you know."
She smiled on her end. "Just come over, okay?"
"Okay. I'll be there shortly."
When the doorbell rang, she opened the door, Yoby on her hip. Chip was standing on the porch with a ball cap on, pulled low on his face. "What are you wearing a cap for?" she asked, with a laugh.
"Well, I don't usually come during the day, so I figured maybe I should, um, have a little bit of a disguise." He shut the door behind him and kissed her. Then he focused on Yoby. "Hey buddy," he said with a grin. He reached for the little boy, who went easily to him. He looked at her. "I can keep him occupied for a while, if you need me to."
"It's actually time for him to take a nap, so maybe after he gets up?"
"I can put him down for you. I do know how to do this." He grinned at her.
She smiled and patted him on the back. "Yes, I guess you do." She watched as he headed up the stairs with her son. She was glad Yoby liked him and that the feeling was mutual. She was also looking forward to getting some time with him while Yoby took his nap.
When he came back downstairs, he grabbed her up in his arms and kissed her hungrily. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back. When he pulled his lips from hers, he seemed to take in her whole face. "God, I missed you," he said.
She smiled. "I missed you too." He let her go then and she took his hand, leading him to the couch. They sat and she curled up next to him. "So tell me all about it. How do you feel? After your big debut?"
"I thought I was going to pass out for a second when they said my name. I thought it would be like doing it for the show, but it wasn't. I mean, when we were up there on stage it was kind of overwhelming and out of body, but it was in front of cameras and extras who are paid to cheer and applaud. I could have gone out there and just fell flat on my face."
She shook her head. "You knew you weren't going to do that. You have more self-confidence than anyone I know, I think."
He laughed. "Then I've got you fooled. I have a lot of bravado, is what I have. I'm always trying to bluff my way through stuff, act like I know what I'm doing when I don't. Hell, half the scenes I've had with you scare me shitless, going toe to toe with you. Every time Deacon yells at Rayna or stares her down or something like that, I feel like I need to make sure we're still good."
"Seriously?" She laughed then. "I would never have known that if you hadn't just told me. I certainly am scared shitless to stand on a stage and sing, but that's because I'm just scared shitless to sing period. You don't have that problem. And" – she pointed at him – "you didn't seem like it on stage, just so you know. You looked so comfortable out there. Like you were born to it."
He shook his head, laughing. "I guess that's a good thing, because I'm telling the truth. That was not easy. I was afraid a string would break on the guitar or I'd forget the words."
She just smiled. "But you'd do it again, right?"
He grinned. "Hell, yeah. It was like a dream come true. If I ever get asked back, I hope I can really take it in, because this time it was almost a blur."
She patted him on the chest. "I'm betting you'll get plenty more times to do it and eventually it'll just be old hat. You know, I was pretty impressed with the crowd reaction when you went on stage. They seemed very psyched to see you out there."
"I think they were psyched to see Deacon. But I'll take it. Maybe someday I can go out there and just do my own music and get that same kind of reception for Chip."
"You will. I'm sure of it." She curled up into him again, resting her head against his chest and wrapping one arm around him. She was happy for him that it had gone so well.
After a few minutes, he cleared his throat and she raised her head and looked at him. "So, where are things now? With us, I mean."
"I thought about it over the weekend and, you know, we've got a couple more weeks to go and then we have the holiday break. I'd like to go the rest of the time kind of status quo, you know? And then when we come back in January, we see where we are."
He had a serious look on his face and nodded. "I'd like to see you when we're in LA."
"I think that might be tricky."
"We can figure something out."
She didn't want to get into a long discussion around the ins and outs of trying to see each other during the holidays. She didn't know what his normal plans were and didn't want him disturbing his family time. He had told her before that the family would be in Virginia for the Christmas holidays and that he'd return to Nashville from there. She would have lots of things going on with friends and then would head to Mexico after Christmas with girlfriends before returning to Nashville. It just didn't seem possible. Just because they'd have proximity didn't mean they should try to take chances. "Let's just play it by ear," she said. She rubbed her hand on his chest, hoping to distract him a bit. He took the bait and started to kiss her.
She was pulling leftovers out of the fridge as Chip watched Yoby in his highchair. Her heart had melted when he offered to feed her son his dinner.
"You know he's not a baby, right?" she asked, with a smirk.
"What does that mean?" he asked.
"Well, it means he doesn't eat baby food anymore. I give him real food."
He looked confused. "Can he use a fork and stuff?"
She laughed. "Not so much yet. But I make things bite sized and put them on a plate for him to grab." She winked. "He does have teeth, you know."
He shook his head, looking a little flustered and embarrassed. "You'd think I'd remember that," he said. "So then, what's he getting? I can at least watch out for the messes."
"Yeah, you can do that." She inclined her head towards the fridge. "There are bags of cut up chicken, broccoli, macaroni, and fruit in there. You can give him about half of each bag." She opened one of the cabinets and got a plate. "Here's a plate you can use." It was one of those kid plates with the different sections marked off, not that it made any difference in the end. She glanced over periodically as he pulled the bags from the fridge and portioned everything out. She was heating up leftover vegetarian Thai food and cutting up fruit as she waited for rice to cook.
When he was done, he looked at her. "Look good?" he asked.
She smiled. "Perfect." He put the bags back in the fridge and then picked up the plate. He kissed her as he walked over to the table.
"Here you go, buddy," he said to Yoby as he set the plate on his tray. Yoby reached for chicken and began putting it in his mouth. Luckily he wasn't too messy, so it was mostly a matter of making sure he ate enough.
The buzzer went off, indicated the rice was done, and she opened the bag, pouring the contents into two bowls. She had heated up the Thai food and portioned it in each bowl over the rice. She put the fruit into dessert bowls. She brought their dinner to the table, along with silverware and a couple beers. She noticed that Yoby was about halfway through with his dinner. When she sat, she smiled at Chip. "Thanks for the help."
He grinned. "Takes me back a ways." His smile faded a touch and he got a more serious look on his face. "I'm sorry things didn't work out differently this weekend."
She took a bite so she had a minute to think about how she wanted to respond. When she swallowed, she shook her head. "I think things went exactly as you should have expected them to go, Chip." He frowned just slightly. "I would have been surprised had Patty not come. It was a big night for you and something she would have wanted to be there to share with you."
"But you got left out."
She put her fork down and clasped her hands in her lap. "I didn't have the right to expect to be included in any way other than how I was." He started to say something and she held one hand up. "I know we have all these...feelings and things and most of the time everything is separated so that we can live our lives here away from that. But it would be foolish of us to think this is what's normal and the other is not. You know that."
He had an angry look on his face. "But it's what I want, Connie. This is what I want. Are you saying you don't?"
She sighed. "You know what I want?"
"What's that?" He still sounded a little agitated.
"I want the next few weeks to be simple and easy. We've got another episode to shoot and I'm hoping there are some good scenes for us to sink our teeth into. I want to laugh and have fun. Together. I want to look forward to coming to work every day, especially the days we work together. I want to be able to have alone time with you. What I don't want is to mix the complicated stuff with the easy stuff. I want things to be easy. The holidays are coming and we've got full agendas, but until then I just want to enjoy the time we have. No fights, no deep conversations, no trying to figure things out." She reached her arm out across the table. After a moment, he took her hand. "I want fun, Chip. I want us to laugh together and enjoy this time. Not think about everything else. I have no idea what the future holds, but for right now, I just want to enjoy what we have." She paused. "Can we do that?"
He gave her a long look, then squeezed her hand and smiled. "Yes, we can do that."
She was sitting on the bed, putting lotion on her legs, when he came out of the bathroom. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was wet. He rubbed his face and then ran his hands back over his hair, smoothing it out on his head. He walked over to where she was sitting and she smiled as he approached. He put his hands on the side of the bed and kissed her. She laughed. "You're still wet," she said, putting one hand on his shoulder.
He leered at her, a grin on his face. "Are you?" he asked.
She pretended to be shocked. "Chip!" He reached for her then and started tickling her, resting a knee on the bed. She started to laugh, arching her back, trying to squirm away. Then she felt his hand on her upper thigh, sliding under the fabric of her shorts. He moved slightly so he could kiss her and she tensed up a little in anticipation of what was next.
He touched her then. "Mm," he murmured against her mouth. Almost without thinking, she pushed herself towards him. She wanted to beg, but his mouth was firmly against hers and his tongue was making it hard to concentrate on anything else.
She was aware of him getting on the bed and stretching out next to her but mostly she was concentrating on the luxuriant feeling he was creating between her legs, doing nothing more than just touching her lightly. One arm was pinned beneath him, but with her other hand, she covered his, pressing against him again, unable to speak. He pulled his lips from hers for a brief moment. "This what you want?" he whispered. As he slid 2 fingers inside her, he captured her mouth again so she could do nothing but moan.
She moved her hand to grip his shoulder, arching her back again, her hips moving in tandem with his fingers inside her. She could feel him next to her leg, hard and throbbing. She wondered for a second when he would switch and then her brain was overtaken by the swirling sensations coming from her core. His kiss became more feverish, more demanding, and all she was aware of was his tongue against hers and the exquisite tension building between her legs. She came suddenly, her eyes flying open with the intensity of it. His fingers kept moving inside her, extending the release until she thought she was going to cry from the joy of it.
He finally pulled his mouth from hers and looked down at her, as she struggled to breath normally. She was panting heavily as she looked up into his eyes. Then he smiled. "I would say the answer to both questions is yes," he murmured. Before she had time to respond to him, he had pulled her shorts off and moved on top of her. Now freed, she slid her other arm around his neck as she spread open her legs and took him in.
"Oh god, Chip," she whispered as she gazed into his eyes. She arched her back and felt his hands holding her up. She came again, with less intensity but still deeply satisfying, closing her eyes tight as she let it wash over her. Then he let her gently fall back on the bed and, as he pressed his mouth to her shoulder, he emptied himself inside her.
She felt like a wet noodle, not sure she could move a muscle. She was breathing hard and he was too. He turned his head to face her. "That was something," he said, as he tried to catch his breath.
"Yes, it was," she murmured. He moved to lay beside her. She was conscious of the fact that she still had her t-shirt on and that it was damp. She didn't feel like she could sit up or move her arms to do anything about it, so she just laid there, still breathing hard. She looked over at him. "I don't think I can move."
He chuckled. "I don't think I can either." He laughed again. "I might be a little too old for all that."
She grinned. "No, you are definitely not too old for that." She turned on her side to face him. "So, I should probably clarify that when I said I wanted alone time with you, it meant making out and having sex. Good, messy sex."
He smiled and his eyes twinkled. "So just like that?"
She nodded. "Just like that."
He slid over a little closer and raised his head up. He bent his index finger and put it under her chin as he kissed her lightly, just brushing her lips really. Then he smiled. "Sounds like a good idea to me," he said. He put his arm over her waist and pulled her to him so that he was spooning her. After a moment, he sighed. "I think I'm gonna need to take another shower in the morning."
She laughed out loud, feeling happy and content.