She quietly closed the door to Yoby's room and then headed for her own bedroom. She wondered how long it would take for Yoby to get on the right time zone, but she also had to admit she was glad he went down early. She herself still felt like she was on Nashville time and, coupled with the long work days they'd had trying to make sure they'd finish filming before the break, she was exhausted. Unfortunately, it looked like there would still be a couple scenes that would need to be reshot after the holidays, but she was looking forward to the downtime and didn't want to think about work for a while.
She changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt and then crawled into her bed. She smiled, happy to be sleeping in her own bed again. The bed in Nashville was surprisingly comfortable, but this was still her sanctuary. She was glad she had begged off seeing Carla, postponing it until the next day. She was about to turn out the light when her phone buzzed. She picked it up and saw that it was a text from Chip. You in LA? She realized she had forgotten to let him know she'd arrived, as she'd promised. She opened the text and responded back. Yes. Sorry I forgot to text, but I was exhausted.
She watched the little bubbles showing he was responding and then they stopped. She waited and then was surprised when she saw him calling. "Hey," she said.
"Hey. I'm glad you're here. I got a little worried."
"I'm sorry. It's really been a week and I was so tired. Yoby went down early and I thought I'd do the same." She frowned. "Should you be calling?" She didn't want him calling her from his house, risking being caught.
"We're at dinner, so I'm in the restroom."
"Literally?"
He chuckled. "No, I'm actually standing in the lobby. I can't talk but a minute, but I just wanted to hear your voice." He paused. "I miss you."
She smiled. "I miss you too."
"I'm gonna figure something out so I can see you."
"Chip, you don't..."
"Yes. I do. I can't go 6 weeks without seeing you even once. Not when we're both in the same city."
The truth was, she wanted to see him too. She wondered if it had really been such a good idea to have him essentially stay with her for the last couple weeks they were in Nashville. They'd fallen into such a familiar cadence with each other, so quickly, and it had blurred the lines. But she had also loved every second of it and she did miss him. Terribly. "We'll figure something out," she promised. "You should get back before it seems like you've been gone too long."
"I know." He lowered his voice. "I love you."
She smiled and felt a little teary. "I love you too. Bye." After she disconnected, she sat there, holding her phone over her heart, feeling incredibly lonely. Finally, she put the phone back on the bedside table and turned out the light. She laid down, hoping she'd fall asleep quickly, but hearing his voice put her mind into overdrive and she had a hard time even closing her eyes.
When she heard the doorbell, she picked up Yoby and balanced him on her hip. "Carla's here," she said to him with a smile.
"Cara," he said excitedly. She chuckled. He couldn't say 'Carla', but it was close enough and she knew her friend didn't mind.
She opened the door and Carla stood there with a big smile on her face and a bag from a local restaurant with their lunch. "Hey there, girl," she said, smiling back at her friend. She gave her a quick hug and then took the food bag from her, while Carla snatched Yoby.
"Yobes!" Carla cried, kissing him on the forehead. "My little man!" Yoby was squealing excitedly. Carla put him down and he ran towards the den.
"Come on in." She stepped back so her friend could come in and then closed the door behind her. They walked together to the back of the house. She had set up her patio table and chairs for lunch and gotten the play area arranged for Yoby.
"Are you glad to be home?" Carla asked. "I can't believe how big Yoby's gotten since y'all have been gone."
It didn't feel like they'd been gone long enough for Yoby to have changed that much, but then she realized she saw him every day and the changes were incremental to her. She shrugged. "I guess we have been gone a while. Almost 6 months." She shook her head. "That's sort of hard to believe, you know?"
"So you like it there?"
She smiled. "I do actually. I've made some good friends and that's made a big difference. And it's a very high energy kind of city. I love the music aspect. And it's more liberal leaning, which means there are great things going on that I can get involved with. The state's a little scary, but I've enjoyed Nashville, for sure."
When they got out to the patio, she took the food out of the bag Carla had brought and then went back in for silverware and glasses of wine. Carla had brought lobster salads that looked amazing with the little parmesan cheese crisps she loved. Carla had gotten Yoby set up in his play area by the time she came back out. She set down the silverware and glasses and then sat across from her friend.
She opened the container. "This looks so delicious. And the cheese crisps!" She smiled as she popped one in her mouth. She closed her eyes as she let the morsel melt on her tongue. She loved the sharp tang and the saltiness of the cheese, along with the spicy kick in the background. "So good!" she said. "I've missed these."
Carla laughed. "I'm sure someone in Nashville makes these."
She smirked. "Probably. I just haven't run across them yet."
"So how are you feeling about the show? And whether it might get renewed?"
"I'm feeling good about it. I like that it's focusing on the music industry, because that's so interesting to me. One of the pluses of being there, and starting to make friends, is that I'm getting to know other people in the industry – other women in the industry – and it's fascinating to hear their stories and then see how we try to tell those same kinds of stories." She made a face. "The singing part is still challenging. I don't know if I'll ever feel totally comfortable with that. I think so far our ratings have been pretty steady, so I have hopes we'll get another season. Several more, hopefully."
Carla took a bite of her salad and chewed thoughtfully. "I have to say, you and your leading man – Charles – do have some chemistry. That dream scene was...believable."
She put her fork down. "It felt believable," she said.
Carla eyed her carefully. "So what does that mean?"
"It means that it stirred up feelings."
"And you acted on them?"
"Well, not right then." She sighed. She could see the disappointment in Carla's eyes. She knew Carla wouldn't pass judgement, at least out loud, and that it wasn't like their friendship would be damaged. But she knew her friend worried about her, wanted the best for her, and she understood why she – or anyone else, for that matter – might not think this was the best.
"So after?" She nodded. "And have you been seeing him ever since?"
She shook her head. "No. I ended it after a few weeks."
"But I'm thinking it wasn't the end of it."
"No, it wasn't." She took a deep breath. "We had a scene, later, where Deacon kisses Rayna in an elevator. It's a very passionate kiss, one she responds to. And, well, it was just impossible not to get caught up in it." She decided to just go through the rest of it. "It was like a force of nature. There just wasn't any stopping it. Even after I met his wife, when she came for his Opry debut – and I'm not proud of it – I couldn't walk away. We only had a few weeks before the holiday break and, you know." She could feel tears in her eyes. "I love him, Carla. I'm in love with him."
"Oh, Connie."
"And he loves me too. And now he's here in LA and I'm here in LA and I just don't know what to do. I mean, I do, but it tears me apart to think about it." Carla reached across the table for her hand. "He wants to see me, while we're both here, and there's part of me that wants to and part of me that thinks this is the time to make the break. He should be spending this time with his family and I should tell him that that's where he needs to stay. I know that. It just breaks my heart to think about saying it."
Carla looked at her compassionately. "Maybe he'll come to his senses while he's here. I know you told me he would come to LA on weekends, but that's just a couple days. He'll be here for weeks with his family. He'll realize that he can't go back to what he was doing."
She shook her head. "I'd like to think that, but I just don't know that it will happen. I mean, he called me last night. He was out having dinner with his family and he went out in the lobby and called me." She sighed deeply. "I feel like someone in her 20's who just throws all caution to the wind and does what she pleases and doesn't worry about the consequences. But I really do worry about that."
"Look, if he calls back, tell him you can't talk. If he wants to see you, tell him you're busy. Can you do that?"
She thought about that and then she shrugged. "I don't know." She put her hands flat on the table. "I know I have to try, for both our sakes, before we get in too deep." She looked at Carla. "What do I do?"
"Maybe you do need to tell him you can't keep doing this. Is it going to mess up your work relationship?"
"I don't think so. We were okay before. I think we can be pretty grown up about it. Except..."
"Except what?"
She smirked. "He did sort of get jealous that I – as Rayna – would be kissing someone else. A passionate kiss. He was a little bit of an ass about it for a day or so."
"That's something you have to think about, Connie. For the long haul. He doesn't have a right to tell you what to do or to get jealous, even if it is just on the show."
"I know."
"You can't let him think he does. I can't tell you what to do, although I can tell you what I think, but I think you need to be sure that the ground rules are set. No matter what happens. Think about if you're renewed and his family comes to Nashville. You still have to work together."
She nodded. "That's true. And you're right. We have not really had that conversation. Specifically. I think we're on the same page that we need to be able to work together, no matter what, but I need to do that."
Carla smiled then. "I don't know him, of course, but from what you have told me about him, I think he'll understand. He's not really in a position to piss off Connie Britton. You do have more leverage, after all."
"Well..."
"Well, nothing. You've got a producer title. And you're the star. I don't think this guy has that stature at this point and probably never will. I know you wouldn't want to throw that power around. and you're the amazing Connie" – Carla smiled – "and you can manage all of it with your usual velvet glove and charm. Plus you're just nice as hell and no one wants to mess with that. Maybe he'll be sad, but I bet he'll be happy to still be your friend and work with you."
She looked gratefully at her friend. "You think so?"
Carla nodded. "I do. Look, I know you and I know you'll be gentle about it and, like I said, he's not going to want to make his own life miserable. I'd be willing to bet that if all he could have was a really good friendship, he'd take it."
"I hope you're right." I just hope I can be that strong.
She hadn't had to put him off or tell him she couldn't see him, because he was having difficulty getting enough time away. It relieved her, truthfully, but, in her mind, put off the inevitable. They touched base daily, usually by text, but occasionally with a brief phone call. She was not initiating any of that, but she didn't think he recognized that that was the case. She thought a lot about what she might say to him, when the opportunity arose, to – as Carla said – gently move things in a different direction. From a sexual relationship to a pure friendship one. She struggled with how to say it, mainly because she knew it would be hard. The idea of giving all that up was devastating to think about, no matter the circumstances. I love him. I don't know if I'm brave enough to walk away.
He was getting a little frantic about trying to find time for them to see each other and she found herself wanting that too, in spite of everything. She kept telling herself that it would be better to see him and have that conversation in person, rather than have it be over the phone or some other way. And doing it while they were on break meant that they could start fresh after the new year. She was a little nervous, because she knew she'd have to be strong for both of them.
It was 10 days before Christmas when he called with the news that he'd figured it out. "I've got to do some last minute shopping," he said, sounding excited. "But I thought maybe I could come see you. It would be better than trying to meet somewhere."
"That's true, but won't you have to actually go shopping?" she asked.
He laughed on his end. "I will. I've actually got a couple things I ordered that I need to pick up, but nobody knows that."
"You don't think anyone will want to go with you?"
"I'm not gonna let anyone go with me," he said. "Besides, the kids have things going on, and they need to be transported, so it'll be easy for me to just do my shopping. What do you think?"
"Well, it sounds like you've thought it through."
"So this afternoon? That work for you?"
"Um, yeah."
"Give me your address and I'll come by. You want me to do it at nap time?"
"Yeah, that makes more sense. 2:00 then. Or I guess you could come a little before. I'm sure Yoby would love to see you."
"Great." She gave him her address and then, after she disconnected, she found herself wondering how she was going to do this. How do I even start the conversation? How do I make it so he's not too upset? So he'll understand? She had a lot to think about.
To say things didn't go as planned was a huge understatement. It started fine. He showed up about 30 minutes before Yoby's naptime. Things were light. He entertained Yoby. She had felt all wired up when he got there, but the time with Yoby ended up putting her more at ease. He was a natural with her son and Yoby was excited to see his friend Chip. Watching the two of them had made her feel more calm and, as it turned out, lowered her defenses. When she came back from putting Yoby down for his nap, she sat down, preparing to talk to him, but everything she had thought of to say flew out of her head as soon as he leaned in and kissed her.
The kiss was both tender and intoxicating. She quickly got caught up in it and found herself kissing him back just as intensely. Almost without realizing it, she found herself leaning back against one end of the couch, his hand between her legs. Even though she had on underwear and lounge-y pants, the feel of his hand, cupping her, the heel of his hand putting pressure there, was driving her to distraction. She was pressing back against his hand, wanting more. Needing more. He moved his hand and pulled her closer and she could feel how hard he was. All she wanted was for him to make love to her and she abandoned everything she had intended to do in favor of getting him to her bedroom, discarding their clothes, and getting into her bed.
When they were under the covers, she reached for him, pulling him close, her mouth seeking his. He kissed her with growing intensity and then she felt him insert his fingers inside her. She was already close to the edge, pressing against him insistently, moaning over and over. He seemed to get the message and he withdrew his fingers and then thrust into her with power. It didn't take long. He came first, with a deep groan of satisfaction, and then she followed, the waves of pleasure swirling around inside her. Then she buried her face in his shoulder, breathing heavily, and not caring that her plan had gone out the window. His skin against hers, feeling his breath against her neck, as he was still firmly inside her, that was all that mattered.
He raised his head up, finally, and grinned. "God, I missed you," he said, still a little breathless.
She smiled up at him, squeezing him inside her. "I missed you too." He gave her a quick, hard kiss, and then rolled off of her. At first, they just laid together, catching their breath, but then they both turned to face each other. He reached for her hand and slid his fingers between hers. "Have you had a good time being at home? Spending time with your kids?" she asked.
"Yeah, I have. I really miss them when I'm in Nashville. That's the only part that sucks." He looked thoughtful, lifting her hand and kissing it. "I don't really miss this place though. One of the things I was really excited about when I got this job was being in Nashville and getting the chance to do more music."
"Which do you prefer to do, acting or singing?"
He smiled. "Both. This was the perfect job, in so many ways, 'cause I get to do both. I really couldn't have written a better script." He looked thoughtfully at her. "Are you happy you're doing this?"
She nodded. "Yeah. I mean, it's the hardest thing I think I've ever done. The singing part. I don't know if I'll ever feel totally comfortable, but it's been great to challenge myself this way." He let go of her hand and pulled her in close, not saying anything, just holding her. She thought she could probably stay this way forever. She put her hand on his face and smiled. "I'm so glad you're here," she said softly. She knew this wasn't how this visit was supposed to have gone, but she acknowledged to herself she really wasn't sure she was ready to truly give him up.
He leaned in and kissed her, then smiled back. "Me too. You know, I've been thinking about this since the day I left Nashville."
She bit her lip, then grinned, pushing away any pesky misgivings. "You have?"
He nodded. "It was hard to leave. After all that time together, it was just...hard."
"I know. My bed felt so empty." She patted his arm. "I'll be right back." She turned over and sat up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed and then standing up.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
She looked at him over her shoulder. "Just the bathroom." She smiled and then headed that way.
She was washing her hands and looking at herself in the mirror. As she dried them off, she thought about Chip, in her bedroom, naked in her bed and started to feel aroused. She could feel – and see – that her nipples were getting hard. She moaned softly to herself as she thought about having his hands on her breasts. She felt hot as she thought about how she wanted him to touch her there. She dropped the towel on the counter and walked back out into the bedroom.
He was propped up on the pillows and he watched as she came into the room, a sexy smile on his face. His eyes followed her as she walked around to his side of the bed. For just a second there was a slight look of surprise but, as she approached, he sat up. She put one hand on his shoulder and then climbed onto the bed, putting one knee on one side of him and then the other knee on the other side, pushing aside the covers as she straddled him. She put her other hand on his other shoulder and then sat on his thighs. She leaned into his ear. "Cross your legs," she said. He did so and then she moved her legs so that she could wrap them around behind him. He put his hands on her waist and just gazed into her eyes. He wasn't completely aroused yet, but she knew what she wanted first.
She brushed her lips against his and then he moved his hands to cup her breasts. "You're so beautiful," he murmured. He brushed her nipples with his thumbs and she felt a tingle between her legs. She let him continue as she felt him getting hard. But she wasn't quite ready for that yet.
"Pinch them," she said quietly.
He raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Pinch my nipples." She saw the slight confusion on his face, but he did as she asked and gently pinched them. She felt the pressure, but no pain. "Harder."
He caught his breath. "I don't want to hurt you."
She smiled. "It's okay. I like it." She looked down at his fingers and then back at him. "Harder. Please." He did, but it still wasn't hard enough. She would have to show him. "Like this," she said, and she put her fingers over his and squeezed hard, hard enough to feel pain. But she also felt incredibly turned on and she could tell that he felt the same. He moved his hips slightly and she knew what he wanted, but she wasn't ready. She needed more. "Not yet." She let go of his fingers. "I want more of that. please."
He pinched again, this time like she'd shown him, and on both nipples. She moaned, arching her back slightly. It had been so long since a man had done this and she had missed how it made her feel. He looked at her questioningly, as if to ask if she wanted him to continue, and she nodded. She took him in her hands and he made a noise, but she just stroked him. He continued pinching her, even harder, and she closed her eyes for a second, moaning at the exquisite mix of pain and pleasure. "Connie," he growled, and she opened her eyes. She could see he was enjoying it as well and she realized she was tightening her hands around him, in rhythm with what he was doing to her with his fingers.
"That feels so good," she murmured. "Don't stop." She felt the pressure building between her legs and she could tell he wanted to be inside her, but she wanted just a little more. "Really hard," she said, breathing hard. He squeezed again and she cried out and then she let go of him and he entered her in one fluid stroke. When he did that, he let go and put his hands on her hips, pulling her closer, pushing farther inside her. She tightened her legs around him and rocked her hips, her hands on his shoulders. She leaned in and kissed him, feeling his tongue in her mouth. She could tell he wanted to speed things up, but she would stop moving periodically, trying to telegraph to him that she wanted to take it slow. She was right on the edge, but she wasn't ready to go all the way just yet. She wanted to enjoy the feel of him for as long as she could.
His hands moved up and down her back as he slowed his movements to match her own, but she could tell he wasn't going to last much longer. She pulled her lips from his long enough to whisper, "touch me". He moved one hand from her back down between the two of them. Almost immediately she came, her orgasm washing over her in wave after wave, and then she felt him come inside her and she held him tight as they both clung to each other, gasping for air.
Finally she touched her forehead to his and smiled. "That was...wow," she said, still breathless. He seemed to not be able to speak and just nodded. They sat that way for a couple minutes and then she moved away from him and onto her side, facing him. He slowly straightened out his legs and then rolled over to face her, still breathing hard.
He reached out to push back a strand of her hair, then brushed the back of his hand across her breasts. He frowned slightly. "You sure I didn't hurt you?" he asked.
She smiled and breathed in. "It hurts in all the right ways. And sometimes I want that. It really, you know, turns me on. Makes it all the hotter." She put her hand on his chest. "You did great, by the way. Maybe next time we'll do a little more."
He looked surprised. "More?"
She laughed. "I'll let you know."
He smiled then. "And teach me?"
She nodded. "Oh, yes." Then she moved a little closer to him and he put his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him, as she nestled against him. Her nipples still throbbed just a bit, but it made her feel tingly all over.
"Whatever you want, all you have to do is tell me," he whispered in her ear and she smiled, letting herself relax into him.
She waited until she was in the gatehouse before she opened up the stroller and then put Yoby in it. He wasn't usually a fan of the stroller anymore, but it had been a long flight and he seemed tired, so he went in easily. By the time she'd gotten to baggage claim, he was asleep. The driver from the car service was waiting for her there and got her suitcases and Yoby's car seat onto a luggage cart. By the time they'd gotten to the car, then had gotten Yoby's car seat set up and him in it, she was exhausted too. All she could think about on the way home was getting their luggage into the house so she could crash in her bed. Traveling with a toddler was stressful, even as laid back as her son was. Having to manage things on her own added an extra level of stress. She had learned to pack light for the trip and have everything else shipped. Still it felt a bit overwhelming and she would be glad to get to the house.
She sat back in the seat, watching the scenery go by out of the window. She had not seen Chip again while they were in LA. They had texted, and had a few quick phone calls, but that was it. And then he had been in Virginia and she had been in Mexico during and after Christmas and communication was limited. It had given her time to think about their situation, however. She had confessed to Carla that she had not had that conversation with him as she had planned. She knew her friend was disappointed, but rather than chastise her, she just encouraged her to think about what she really wanted and what her expectations were, and then left her alone to decide for herself.
She had acknowledged to herself that her fantasy expectations – really, wishes – were that somehow, magically, they could be together. Her realistic expectations were that things were really no different from when it had all started. This was an affair, no matter what they told each other. He had obligations elsewhere and undoing those was no small matter. Even if he did, there were consequences to that and those were consequences he needed to be willing to accept. She'd already seen that he had boundless optimism. He believed the best in everyone and that all things would work out, simply because no harm was meant. It just wasn't that simple.
They had never talked about a world in which the reality was that he left his wife, which would leave him free to be with her. There had been a lot of vague talk about wanting to be together all the time, but never in any concrete kind of way. There wasn't a plan and one had not been discussed. It was easy enough to play at this, since he was in Nashville on his own. He could actually spend every night with her and no one would need to be the wiser. The fact that she didn't know what really went on when he was in LA on the weekend, and he never really talked about it, was the one sour note.
He would not be back in Nashville until the next day. It was the same day they'd get the script for the next episode. She had a day of recording studio time booked for her the following day, so she knew she'd be singing in the episode. They would do the read through, then have rehearsals before filming. She wondered whether she and Chip would have any scenes together. She sighed. Everything felt mixed up. She still wasn't entirely sure what she wanted the future to look like. She knew what it needed to look like, but she wondered if she had the fortitude to make that happen. Seeing him during the break had not gone the way she thought it should have, because what she really wanted was to be with him. The pull was strong and the connection already firm.
She noticed then the driver was turning into her neighborhood and she put all the introspection away as she prepared to get back home and get ready to go back to work. And to face whatever her future held.
The script arrived around mid-morning the next day. She settled in on the couch and went through it, as she usually did first, to find her scenes and mark them. She noted that her only scenes with Chip were at Deacon's birthday party at the Bluebird. The song she would be doing was also at the party, identified as being her song for him. She would have to review the song lyrics, but the vibe she was getting was that Rayna was putting a wall up between them, somehow making it official. But then she'd done that several times before and still couldn't seem to truly move on from him, so she wondered where it would ultimately lead. It was times like these when she wished she knew what the long view was and how things would play out for the 2 characters. With Maddie's true paternity still a secret, it would seem that Rayna would almost be forced into keeping distance between the two. She struggled with the idea that the characters could be together with that still hidden. Then again, it wasn't real life, it was TV, and the reveal could certainly be interesting. She made a mental note to talk to Chip about his thoughts on that.
After she'd read through the script, she got Yoby bundled up and they did a walk around the neighborhood. She could still see some Christmas trees all lit up in her neighbors' windows, along with wreaths on the doors and other types of decorations. She had not put up a tree that year in LA. Yoby was too young to understand it and, besides, they spent Christmas with friends. Since they were leaving the day after for Mexico, it hadn't seemed like it was worth doing all that. She was glad she'd put a wreath on the door of her Nashville house, at least, since everyone else seemed to have a variety of decorations up.
She had dinner plans with friends and was glad she'd arranged that. She felt sure she'd hear from Chip soon and either they'd have time to talk that afternoon or the next day. Already having something planned made her feel more comfortable about how she might react to seeing him. As though he knew she was thinking about him, she felt her phone vibrate and pulled it out of her pocket to see that it was him. I'm back. You around? She took a deep breath before she texted back. Yeah. I'm around this afternoon or part of the day tomorrow. I have dinner plans tonight though. She waited. I'll come by now. She slipped her phone back into her pocket and then headed for the house.
When she heard the knock on the door, she took a deep breath, trying to calm the butterflies. She wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and then walked into the foyer. She opened the door and he was standing there smiling. "Hey," she said. "Come on in." He leaned in to kiss her and she was grateful that it was just a brief kiss. She was already gently pushing him away from her and turning towards the den, while he followed behind her. He swooped in on Yoby, squatting down to his level, chatting with him about Christmas as though Yoby understood everything he was saying. She had to smile. Yoby seemed thrilled to see him and did walk Chip around showing him his new toys.
She sat on the couch, watching them. She'd left her script on the coffee table, hoping he'd see it and they could talk about it. She knew she was just postponing what she needed to say, but she could already feel her resolve fading a bit. He didn't stay with Yoby long, getting up and joining her on the couch, pulling her into an embrace. "I missed you," he said, as he pulled back. He looked at her then and she detected a touch of sadness. She hated it and decided to quickly jump into something else.
"How was your holiday?" she asked, putting a smile on her face.
"It was good," he said. "Good to see family. How was yours?"
"Fun. Yoby really enjoyed it this year." She glanced over at the coffee table. "Did you get your script?"
"Uh, yeah. But we can talk about that later." He looked at her carefully. "What's going on?"
"What do you mean?" She knew she sounded not like herself.
"You seem like you're pulling away or something. Not like you." She saw the sadness in his eyes again. "Are you telling me we can't see each other anymore?"
She bit her lip. He knew her too well. Already. "I just, well, I just thought you might go home and regret what's happened here. It's not like we haven't talked about it before." She breathed out. "I guess when I really thought about the time we were together before the break, it kind of, well, kind of scared me a little."
He looked a little confused and a little hurt. "Why?"
"You know why, Chip. That very first time, we talked about how we hadn't meant to do this. And I don't want to turn your life upside down. You have a lot invested in your family. In your marriage. You've got to really think about that."
He sighed. "I have thought about it. I thought about it a lot, actually. It's not something I take lightly. And I also know what's at stake. For both of us." He took her hand and rubbed his thumb over it. "If you want us to stop all this and just be coworkers, I understand."
"Not just coworkers. Friends. We're friends. We promised each other we wouldn't let our feelings take that away."
He nodded. "I know we did."
"Are you saying you can't do that?"
"No, I'm not. What I'm saying is that I want more. But I care too much about you and about us to screw everything else up if it's not gonna work." His eyes seemed to draw her in. "Tell me what you want and that's what we'll do." He put his other hand on her cheek. "I love you, Connie. I love you as a friend, too, so I won't be an ass about this. I respect you too much to put you in a place where you don't want to be." Feeling his hand on her face and still holding her hand left her feeling shaky. "Just tell me what you want."
She closed her eyes for a second. She felt weak. It was an unfamiliar feeling. She'd walked away once but then came back. She felt his thumb wipe the skin under her eye and realized tears were rolling down her face. She opened her eyes and in his she saw understanding, love, and compassion. All she had to do was tell him they couldn't do this anymore. That it was too hard and she felt too guilty.
"Connie," he said. For a moment she couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't react. She breathed in deeply and then she put her hands on his face and pulled him to her for a kiss. He put his hands on her arms and kissed her back, then pulled away. "Do you want me to go?"
She hesitated, then shook her head. "I should tell you to go, but I don't want you to."
He smiled at her and brushed the tears away. "I don't want to either, but I don't want to make this hard for you." He took a deep breath. "Let's just take a step back for now, okay? See how we feel in a few weeks. And don't worry, we're still great friends, and we will be, probably for a very long time." She was surprised at what he said, that he seemed to get it. She felt some relief that he'd understood and decided to be the one to suggest taking a pause, but it also made her feel sad. There were still real emotions there that she'd have to figure out what to do with. "We okay?"
She nodded. "Of course."
"Well, I'm gonna go back to my place and read my script. Then maybe we can meet before the read through to talk about it?"
She smiled at him. "I think that would be great." She sat back. "I'm in the studio tomorrow. I don't know how it's going to go, considering I haven't done any singing or even voice work in 6 weeks." She laughed a little. "I'm probably going to sound like a frog."
He grinned. "Never. You'll be great." He stood up then and she did as well. He looked over at Yoby, who was busy with his Christmas toys. "Hey, Yobes, I'll see ya, buddy."
Yoby looked up and smiled. "Bye, Chip!" he cried out, then turned back to his toys.
He looked at her. "You know, I got something for him and forgot to bring it. I'll bring it with me the next time I see you."
"You didn't need to do that, but I know he'll love it. Thanks," she said. He turned for the door and she followed him. He stopped in the foyer and turned back to her.
"It's all good," he said. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips, a sweet kiss, then pulled her into an embrace. She clung to him, suddenly wishing it was necessary to do this. But it was and she was grateful he'd seemed to understand.
When he let her go, she smiled. "Thanks," she said. "I'll see you in a couple days."
He gave a short nod and then looked like he wanted to cry, which made her want to cry. "Have a good time tonight." Then he turned and opened the door, letting himself out, and closed it behind him. She stood where she was for a moment, wanting to pull the door back open and tell him to come back, but she knew they needed to do this. She stepped forward and locked the door, then just leaned against it. This was so hard.
A/N: I looked up the picture too. It would be interesting to know if it's a love interest or another of her male friends. In any case, since this story is completely AU, I'm ignoring him. LOL