She had her bags packed, as well as Yoby's, and they were sitting by the door. She'd packed a carryon bag for the plane with anything she and Yoby would need on the flight. The car service was picking her up the next morning at 9:30 for the flight to LA. She was looking forward to going home and seeing her LA friends. She would fly back to Nashville the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. She would miss Chip, but she knew he would have a good holiday with his kids and back home in Virginia. He was coming over that night and she was looking forward to seeing him. They hadn't worked together in several weeks but had found days here and there to see each other.
He had already let her know he would be late, that shooting was running late. She went into her closet and checked it again to be sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Then she set out the clothes she would wear on the plane. She went upstairs and peeked into Yoby's room. He was asleep and she closed the door quietly behind her. She went back downstairs and fixed herself a cup of tea. She had just settled into the couch with a magazine when she heard the knock on the door. She jumped up and hurried to open the door. She smiled at Chip as he hurried past her into the house. She felt the brisk air come in behind him.
"Damn, it's cold," he said as he came in. He put his hands on her arms and kissed her. "You need to warm me up." He grinned.
"Well, take off your coat and come in the den. I've got a fire going." He took off his coat and hung it up, then followed her into the den. "You want something to drink?"
He smiled. "A bourbon would be nice."
She held her finger up. "Coming up." She went in the kitchen and poured him a glass and brought it back. He was already on the couch when she handed it to him. She then settled in next to him and he put his arm around her. "Long day, huh."
"Yes. I think everybody was ready to finish up." Filming would resume the Tuesday following the holiday week, but she didn't have scenes until late Wednesday. "How's your day been?"
"Busy. I was at the studio this morning to record something Lennon and Maisy and I are doing. Then I came home and started packing."
"You sure you don't wanna come to Alexandria with me?"
She smirked. "I would love to, actually, but you know I can't." She shrugged. "Maybe next year?"
"We'll make it happen. What time do you leave tomorrow?"
"The car service will be here at 9:30." She looked at him. "You can still stay the night, right?"
"Yes. We'll drive up on Sunday. Leave early and get there about dinner time."
"That's a long drive."
He nodded. "It is, but it's also a good opportunity to get caught up and spend time together. Plus, everybody can take more luggage." He grinned.
She smiled. "You mean your girls."
"Right. They'll wear jeans the whole time, but you know they always need so much more."
She grabbed his arm. "Oh! You have a show too while you're there, right?"
He smiled. "I do. At a music club in town, the Birchmere. Great place for a show."
"That's so exciting. I'd really like to see you do a show sometime."
"I'd like that too."
"What songs will you do?"
"Some of mine, some from the show, and some covers. I'm still working on the set list." He breathed in. "It's a big deal for me."
She turned so she was facing him. "You'll be great." She leaned in and kissed him. She felt his arms wrap around her and the kiss grew more intense. She put her arms around his neck, enjoying being kissed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd just sat with a guy and kissed. She knew it was going to lead to more, but there was something really nice about just kissing.
As though he could read her mind, he pulled back slightly and smiled. "This is really nice," he said.
She laughed a little. "I was just thinking the same thing." She gave him a look. "Maybe we could do a little more of it?"
"I think that's a great idea." He leaned in as she opened her mouth to him and let him take her breath away.
She was looking up at him. He had threaded his fingers in hers and their arms were stretched up above her head. He was lying between her legs, thrusting in and out of her, his movements hard and relentless. She wrapped her legs around his back, opening herself more to him. She wanted to put her arms around him but being unable to move them had felt deliciously erotic. His arms had hers pinned down, a light pressure on them. He leaned down and brushed his lips across hers. He leaned a little lower until she felt her breasts pressing against his chest. As he continued to thrust inside her, his skin grazed across her nipples and she tried pulling her arms away. He just smiled at her, a lazy smile that told her he was going to keep her this way until he was ready to let her go.
She moved her hips, then slid her feet down to press against the bed, helping her to control her movement. She parted her lips slightly and he pressed down on her, capturing her mouth with his. She moaned, feeling the heat intensifying inside her, leading to the feeling she was cresting. He seemed to sense it and finally released her hands. She wrapped them around his neck and then came explosively. "Oh god, oh god," she moaned over and over. He then cried out and let himself go inside her.
As he worked to control his breathing, he smiled down at her and then kissed her hungrily. "God, I love you," he whispered against her lips.
She laughed softly. "I love you too," she whispered back.
He moved to lay beside her and she rolled towards him. "I'm gonna miss you," he said.
"I'll miss you too. But you'll have a great time with your kids. And you have your show to look forward to. And it won't be that long before we're back."
He sighed. "I know, but I'll still be thinking about you most of the time."
She smiled and kissed him. "I'll be thinking of you too." He put his hand on her cheek and kissed her, a kiss that lingered. "I'm so glad you can stay." He nodded his agreement and she smiled, then tucked herself into him, sighing contentedly.
She woke up during the night, but she wasn't sure why. She was still lying next to Chip and she could feel and hear his regular breathing. A lot of things were in motion for him and she worried sometimes about the stress of it for him. She didn't want to get in the middle of things, just be there as a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and support him. She thought about him going to see his family during the holidays and the conversations she was sure he would have while he was there. It was easy to forget sometimes that spouses, especially ones that had been around for decades, were part of the extended family and so there were relationships and bonds that had been formed over the years. Those weren't easy to walk away from, she was sure, which made her think about how she might fit into that, whenever she and Chip decided that was appropriate.
She had met his mom when they had gone to the Correspondents' Dinner back during their first season and she knew Cynthia Puskar was a smart, intuitive woman. She remembered the look on Cynthia's face when she and Chip had posed for a photo and then he didn't immediately move away from her. It was a very subtle look but she remembered stepping back and away. Chip didn't seem to notice what she'd done, but she didn't want it to seem as though they were there together. Their relationship, both personal and private, was still new then and they were still figuring things out. At least she was.
She sighed. Chip made a quiet noise and she looked to see if he'd woken up, but it didn't appear so. She closed her eyes and soon fell back asleep.
She was getting Yoby settled in his seat when she heard her phone buzz. When she looked at it, it was a text from Chip. Safe travels. She smiled and texted back. You too. Good luck with the show and have a happy holiday! They had gotten up early that morning, before Yoby woke up. She knew seeing Chip would get Yoby out of his routine and would make getting to the airport more difficult, so she was glad Chip understood. It would be at least 10 days until she saw him though and she missed him already.
He came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled. He had showered and gotten dressed and his hair was still a little damp. "You got coffee?" he asked.
"I do." She reached up for a mug and then poured coffee into it. When she handed it to him, he took a sip. She poured some for herself and then leaned back against the counter. "What are you doing today?"
"I'll start packing. I'm picking up the kids after lunch and they'll stay with me so tonight so we can get on the road early."
"I can't imagine driving all that way."
He chuckled. "That's the beauty of having a couple of drivers. Taylor and Chase get to take a turn at it. Assuming traffic isn't terrible, we should get there around dinner time." He winked. "We're all 3 kind of fast drivers."
She grimaced. "I'm glad I have a long time before Yoby starts driving."
"What are your plans once you get to LA?"
"Kind of a lazy rest of the day. I'll be exhausted so I hope to maybe get a nap. Then tomorrow will start all my rounds with friends. And the annual Friendsgiving dinner." She grinned.
"And then off to Big Sur?"
"Yes. Somebody in the group has access to a private plane, so that will be nice. No long road trip for me."
He laughed. "Oooh, fancy travel. Maybe one day I'll get a private plane."
She playfully swatted at his chest and laughed. "It's not my private plane."
He smiled and then wrapped his arms around her. She slid her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his chest. "I wish we had the whole day like this," he said. "One day we will."
She hoped that ended up being true. She tried not to let herself get ahead of things, knowing that anything could change in an instant. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She was looking forward to the break, looking forward to spending time with friends. As much as she'd grown to love Nashville and her friends there, LA was still home. At least for now. She was ready for the sunshine and the warm breezes and the comfort in spending time with friends that had become family.
The days flew by in a whirlwind of dinners and lunches with friends and parties. And then Thanksgiving itself. She and Chip touched base every day, either by text or a quick phone call. Thanksgiving night he called her to tell her about his show.
"How did it go?"
"It was fantastic," he said, clearly still on a high. "Getting to do it in my hometown was amazing. The fans who came were so enthusiastic. I feel like it could be an annual thing."
"Really? That's awesome. Did you get to sing a lot of your own songs?"
"About half and half. I got good response to them, which was really exciting."
"You write great songs, sweetheart. And they're your fans. Of course they'd love them. I'm just so glad it was everything you wanted it to be. I hope one day I get to see you there."
"I think that'll happen. Maybe even next year."
She wasn't sure about that. She had some thoughts about timing of things for them, but she would wait to discuss them until she knew they were really moving forward. "I guess we'll see."
"Listen, I gotta get back downstairs. We've got a full house and if I'm gone too long they'll send the troops up to get me."
She laughed. "Okay. When we're back in Nashville, you'll have to give me the full story on the show. Have a good rest of your holiday."
"You too." He paused. "I miss you. And I love you."
"I miss you too. And I love you back."
When she disconnected, she sat back against the couch, her phone still in her hand. She was trying hard not to get her hopes up. He had said after the holidays, that's when he wanted to take that next step. They would have a couple more weeks of shooting and then a couple weeks off for the Christmas and New Year's holidays. They still didn't have scenes together – again – but she felt sure that would be changing soon. Her whole world, both professionally and personally, could be turned upside down very soon.
The person she wanted to talk to was Carla. She hadn't been in town prior to Thanksgiving, but would be back over the weekend. She needed to put Big Sur on the back burner. She needed clarity, something she could count on from her very closest friend. She was lucky to have many close women friends, both in LA and in Nashville, any one of whom could be a trusted confidante. But not for this. Carla was the only one she'd told about Chip and Carla would help her sort through all of it. They'd known each other almost 20 years and Carla was the one she relied upon the most.
Hey girl. You around this weekend? She didn't think she'd hear right away, so she was surprised when her phone buzzed. Yeah, but I thought you were headed north. No? She smiled. I was. Need to cancel. Can you call me tomorrow? She watched the bubbles. Will do. With that done, she took a deep breath and let it out. She made a quick call to cancel the Big Sur outing and then headed to the kitchen for a glass of wine.
She actually squealed when she opened the door to Carla. It had been a while since they'd seen each other in person and she was so glad to see her. She'd ordered a meat, cheese, and fruit tray and had that on the coffee table in the den along with wine. They caught each other up on what had been going on since they'd last seen each other and then finally, Carla took a sip of wine and sat back, eyeing her carefully. "So, I'm thinking that this is more than just a hey we haven't seen each other in ages visit. What's going on?"
She laughed. "You see right through me."
"Well, you're still pretty private, but I can always see on your face when you have news or need to vet something. So, which is it?"
She sighed, then took a sip of her own wine. She leaned over and plucked a couple of grapes from the tray and popped them in her mouth and chewed. "Well, it's about Chip."
Carla raised her eyebrows in surprise. "In terms of what?"
She looked away for a moment. Carla had expressed disappointment when she'd found out about Chip, reminding her that he was married and that it was a slippery slope, so she wasn't sure what her friend's reaction would be. She looked back. "Well, we've tried to put distance between us, but we haven't always been successful. His family came to Nashville at the beginning of last season, but it became clear to him then that he wanted to end the marriage. At first she was resistant and, of course, the kids were a concern, but he finally was able to convince her to work on how they would help the kids through it. And he moved into an apartment. First it was just during the week and he'd stay at the house on weekends for the kids but now he's in the apartment full time. And he's been working with a divorce attorney."
"Does she know about you?"
She shook her head. "I think she believes he has feelings for me, based on how he reacted, I guess, when they saw me out with Daniel one night. But nothing more than that. At least, that I'm aware of." She took another sip of wine. "He's planning to file for divorce after the holidays."
"Really." Carla looked thoughtful. "At least she knows that's the direction they're headed."
"Yes. And once it's done, then we wouldn't do anything publicly until afterwards."
"So you're seeing him now."
"Well, when it works out schedule-wise. Yes." She spread her hands out, palm up. "He's been spending a lot of time with his kids though. And we haven't been shooting a lot together. So it will depend on schedules."
Carla looked conflicted. "Are you going out in public? Because I don't see..."
"No. When I see him he comes to my house."
"And what about your neighbors? What do they think?"
"He comes after dark. And I guess I wasn't totally truthful. There have been a couple times we've met in the park near where I live. We don't come together though. We've been careful. And I've been out for dinner with Daniel several times, when he's been in town, so that's what people would see."
"I'm confused. You're seeing Chip still but dating Daniel?"
"Not dating Daniel. We decided early on that because he lives in Chattanooga that we wouldn't try to make anything serious out of this. I really enjoy his company though."
Carla screwed her face up. "Why can't you just focus on him? Someone who's available?"
"Chip will be available."
"But, Connie, what if, in the end, he's not? What if he changes his mind? Or if the divorce doesn't go smoothly? Or the two of you are seen together?"
She took a deep breath. These were the same things she thought about, so she wasn't surprised that Carla had raised them. "Then I guess I'll figure out how to move on," she said. "That's the only thing I can do."
"What about Yoby? Chip's in his life now too, so it's not just you."
"I know. And I do think about that. But he loves Chip and Chip loves him. I get that it's complicated, Carla. I've never said otherwise. But I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel."
Carla leaned forward and reached for her hand. "Sweetie, I know you got all caught up in this and I also know it probably feels really positive that he's made some sort of decision, but until it's done, maybe just pause."
She frowned. "It really isn't just getting all caught up in this. I fell in love with him. I knew I shouldn't have, but it happened. And he returns those feelings. He could very easily have just said he and I were involved and that's why he wanted a divorce..."
Carla squeezed her hand. "But that's what this is, isn't it?" She sighed. "Look, I know you didn't ask me to come over to try to talk you out of this. And I don't think I could anyway. But I just want you to be careful and not get your hopes up until you know you have something to be hopeful for. As long as nothing has been done, it doesn't mean it won't stay that way."
"I don't think he'd say all this and then not mean it."
"I'm not saying he doesn't mean it. He probably does. I mean, you're Connie Britton, for crying out loud. Who wouldn't love to be with you?"
"Lots of people if you'll remember. Whose shoulder have I cried on every time a man turns out to be not what he advertises? What makes you think this time is no different? And who I am has nothing to do with this."
"Well, you did tell me he told you he'd a crush on you since he saw you in Friday Night Lights."
She rolled her eyes. "He had a crush, if you want to call it that, on Tami Taylor. Not me." She pulled her hand away and picked up her glass, taking a larger sip of wine. "This is real, Carla. I mean, we're almost 3 years in. I think that means it's real."
"Well then, I want it to be, if that's what you want. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I hope you know that."
"I have no reason to doubt this. Believe me, I've said the same things to myself, especially when things seemed so much more complicated. But he's genuine, Carla. I've gotten to know him well enough to know that much. I think this has all really been harder for him than he thought it would be. Because of his kids. He's trying to be a good father and be sensitive to how this goes for them. We wouldn't go public with anything until he's sure they can handle that. And even then, we'd take it a step at a time."
"Are you sure you're okay with that?"
She nodded. "I have so many other things going on in my life that I don't sit much and dwell on it. I feel like things will happen organically."
Carla looked at her for a moment, then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her. "If this makes you happy, I'm happy," she said.
"It does," she said.
Carla sat back. "Good."
She did understand why Carla was skeptical. It wasn't anything she hadn't told herself over and over. He's married – and that is still true – and I'm hanging my hat on the fact that he'll do everything he says he's going to do. That he won't come to me one day and say he's changed his mind. She'd gone all in on this relationship, in spite of her misgivings and all the cautions. But she would be glad to get back to Nashville and see him again.
She held her phone in her hands on the taxi to the gate. She decided not to call then and slipped it into her tote when they arrived at the gate and she got Yoby ready to get off the plane. He didn't want her to hold him, so she gripped tightly to his hand as they walked through the terminal and down to baggage claim. The car service was waiting for her and the driver got her luggage and put it into the car as she and Yoby got in. He then drove her home. As she looked out of the window it seemed like so much had changed since she left. That probably wasn't true, it was just the contrast between sunny LA and fall in Tennessee. Both places had their own beauty, but she'd grown fond of the changing seasons in Nashville.
When they arrived at her house, the driver helped bring her luggage in and she tipped him before he left. Yoby was drifting off on her shoulder, although he was trying to keep his eyes open. "You want to take a nap, buddy?" she asked.
"No." His voice was sleepy but cranky.
"I think you do."
"No." He sounded petulant, but his eyes were closed and he didn't say it with much conviction. She smiled as she took him upstairs. When she put him on his bed, he rolled onto his side and curled up, falling asleep within seconds.
She went back downstairs and looked at the luggage in the foyer. She didn't feel like doing anything with it yet, so she found her phone and went to sit on the couch in the den. She typed in Chip's name, then waited for him to answer. "Hey, baby!" he said as he answered.
"Hey. How was the holiday?"
"Great. Good to see everyone. Are you back?"
"I am. Just walked in the door about 10 minutes ago."
"Can I come by?"
"Sure. But don't you think you need to..."
"Oh, I won't come until later."
She smiled. "Well, then yes, of course you can."
"I'm glad you're back."
"Me too. And I can't wait to see you."
He arrived just moments after the sun disappeared from the sky. There was still residual sunset, but fortunately it was dark. When she opened the front door, she stood for a moment, just drinking in the sight of him. He wasn't dressed in anything special. His wardrobe was Deacon's wardrobe, except for the flannel. He was a beautiful man, with his genuine smile and eyes that crinkled when he smiled. She reached for his hand and pulled him inside, closing the door and locking it behind him. He took her in his arms and kissed her hungrily. She reluctantly pulled her lips from his. "Yoby's in the den. And we're going to decorate our Christmas tree. You want to help?"
He grinned. "I'd love to."
Yoby was thrilled to see Chip who, as always, was like his grown up friend. When they finally started to decorate the tree, Chip held Yoby up so he could hang ornaments at the top of the tree and it felt so much like a family to her. It made her think back to some of the things Carla had said and she knew there was always a chance things wouldn't go the way Chip hoped. But she didn't want to dwell on things that couldn't be predicted. As she watched Chip and Yoby, she smiled. She loved this. It felt good. It felt like it wouldn't be the last time they did this. She wasn't sure what made her feel so confident about that, but she did. She picked up an ornament and walked over to the tree. She put her hand on Chip's back and he turned and kissed her. She grinned at Yoby and then she hung the clear globe on the tree where it was more sparsely decorated and then stood back to admire their handiwork.
She was in bed when Chip slipped under the covers. She'd let Yoby stay up a little later and after she and Chip had had a drink, they'd decided to go to bed early. He turned towards her and she smiled, reaching her hand out and gently scratching his cheek. "I'm glad you're here."
"I missed you." He rubbed her arm. She leaned in and kissed him. He moved his arm around her and pressed his hand on her lower back, bringing her closer.
She grinned. "I can tell."
He raised his eyebrows. "Did you miss me?" He put his hand under the covers and brushed his fingers between her legs.
She laughed. "Pretty much."
He kissed the tip of her nose. "I think we should do something about that then," he said, the hint of laughter in his voice. He rearranged both of them so that he was hovering over her. He leaned down and kissed her, then slowly moved inside her, filling her up. She sighed softly, letting herself feel every sensation.
He was gentle, touching her everywhere, kissing her mouth, her forehead, her nose, her ears, her cheeks. She felt swept away. Every nerve ending in her body was tingling. The way he moved inside her thrilled her. He finally captured her mouth again, his tongue moving sensuously in concert with her own. She felt the tiny spark that quickly built to a flame. He seemed to sense it and backed off slightly, letting the intensity build up again and again. She moaned, trying to get to that one special place, but it seemed he was in the mood to take it slow. She finally decided to just let things happen as they would, turning herself over to the build up and then the ebb before building up again. When she came, it snuck up on her and she gasped in surprise, leaning into it, moaning appreciatively. When he came, shortly thereafter, he buried his face against her neck, groaning his satisfaction.
When he lifted his head and looked at her, she smiled. "That made me happy," she said.
He smiled back. "Me too." He kissed her and then moved off of her onto his side, facing her. He gently traced the outline of her cheek and jaw. "It's like coming home."
She put a hand on his chest and nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right," she whispered.
The next morning he was awake early, when it was still dark out. He kissed her on the forehead and she forced her eyes open. "What's going on?" she murmured.
"I gotta get going," he said. "I'm filming today."
She closed her eyes. "I haven't even really looked at the script. I'm guessing I'm not filming or someone would have called."
"Doesn't look like it." He sighed. "Yet another episode where we don't cross paths."
She chuckled softly. "She's taking way too long."
He nodded. "That she is."
She didn't move, and he didn't either, and she let her fingers trail over his chest. "I'm going to be doing a benefit show here in March maybe," she said. "I got some dates from the group so I'll need to find a venue."
"Who is it?"
"The African Children's Choir. I really got interested in it even before I adopted Yoby. I knew I wanted to adopt in Africa and it felt close to my heart."
He shifted slightly. "Tell me about it."
"It's a program designed to help children who've had difficult lives be able to grow and develop into leaders. I just love the education aspects of it and, of course, the music part. My friend Carla and I have been involved for several years and it's just a wonderful organization. I'm hoping to have it be a musical celebration and have a number of my friends in the business participate."
He smiled. "I could participate."
"I was hoping you would. Once I've nailed down the logistics and everything, I'll be ready to start planning the event itself. I'm really excited about doing this."
"You seem like it." he grinned. "I like seeing you excited like this."
"It's been a while since I've had time to do this kind of thing. Now that Yoby is getting older it's easier to find the time." She sighed. "So I guess you need to get going."
He reached for his phone on the bedside table and looked at it. "Yeah, I think so." He put the phone back down and leaned in to kiss her. "I'm glad you're back. The kids are here for a couple weeks, then off to Florida with their mom for Christmas."
She frowned. "What will you do?"
"Go to my mom's." He smiled. "She's always glad to see me." For some reason that felt so lonely to her, but there really wasn't anything she could do about it. "Will you go back to LA?"
She nodded. "Yeah. The second week I'll go to a resort in Mexico with a few girlfriends. It's something we do every year. It's near Cabo, a beautiful resort off the beaten path, a bit north of there. Not as touristy and it's just a great place to hang out by the pool and drink margaritas." She smiled. "We don't stay the whole week. Just a few days to kind of cleanse the palate, if you will."
"Sounds great." He ran the back of his knuckles against the skin on her cheek. "Maybe we can go sometime."
"I'd love that."
He made an irritated noise. "I really do need to get moving. I could stay here all day, but I still have to get to work." He smirked.
"Go ahead," she said. He got up and got dressed. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a sweatshirt and sweatpants and slipped them on. They walked to the front door and lingered a bit as he kissed her. But he finally really had to go and he looked at her with disappointment as he opened the door.
"I'll talk to you later," he said, giving her one last short kiss.
She stood at the open door, leaning against it, and raised her hand in a wave. Then she watched as he walked out into the darkness. She could hear his footsteps, then him opening and closing the car door. Finally he started the car, backing out of the driveway. He hesitated for a second and she knew he was looking at her, although she couldn't see him in the dark. Finally he backed out into the street and drove off. It was cold and she didn't need to keep the door open, so she closed it and slowly walked back to her bedroom. She crawled under the covers, grabbing his pillow and hugging it to her chest, breathing in the smell of him. Then she fell back asleep.
The day was sunny and cold and she had checked the script and call sheet and knew she had another day to herself before going back to work. The studio session for her and the Stella sisters had been pushed back so that the day was clear. So she set about unpacking, organizing, and calling for groceries to be delivered. Even though it was cold, it was such a beautiful day she didn't want to keep Yoby inside. She bundled him up, put his stroller in the back of the car in case he got tired and then got him into his car seat. He always balked about the stroller, saying he wasn't a baby, and she guessed that was true. But it was certainly nice to have it if he got tired.
She pulled into the parking lot at Sevier Park and got Yoby out. There was a little bit of a breeze, not too much, but it was a little brisk. She put her tote bag over her shoulder and, taking Yoby's hand, they walked from the parking lot to the playground. The playground was small but had everything a young kid needed to burn off some energy. His favorite was the slide and, as they got closer, he wrenched his hand from hers and went running towards it.
She found a place to sit so she could watch him, careful to be close enough but not too close because he was also at the age when he did not like to be hovered over by his mom. She had learned that when he waved at her or shouted 'Mom!' that it only meant he wanted her to look and not that he wanted her to run over to him. She knew if she called out to him too often he would ignore her. But he was also fast, so she needed to keep an eye on him to see where he went. He was a good kid and never went far – he understood his boundaries more as an almost 4 year old – but she knew you couldn't be too careful.
"Connie!" She glanced in the direction of the voice calling her name, careful to keep moving her eyes back and forth to Yoby. She held up her hand and smiled, as she saw her mom friend Heather, who lived in her neighborhood and had been one of her first friends in Nashville. She watched as Heather's son, just a couple months older than Yoby, ran to join her son. Heather sat next to her and they hugged. "It's so good to see you."
The nice thing about having Heather here was that they could trade off watching the two little boys. They were fast friends so they stayed together when they met up on the playground or anywhere else. "Hey," she said. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."
"I know. Seems like you've been working a lot."
She nodded and chuckled softly. "I have. No rest for the weary, it seems."
"How was your holiday?"
"Good. Went home to LA and got to spend time with friends I haven't seen in a while. What about yours?"
"We went to Greg's family's place in Tullahoma. It was good to get back here though. That's a lot of family, food, and festivities for a long weekend." She rolled her eyes and they laughed together. "And now it's the Christmas craziness."
She laughed. "I think I'm glad I get a little palate cleanser before all of that starts. We won't really do anything until we get back to LA."
They sat and watched the kids for a while, then Heather leaned towards her. "What's the latest on that chef guy? David?"
She smiled. "Daniel." She sighed. "I think we're just better as friends. He's a lovely man – and we've been to dinner several times when he's been in town – but it's just not, I don't know, not what I'm looking for."
Heather smiled sadly. "I'm sorry. He seemed like a possibility."
"Yeah." She looked towards the playground. Would he really have been a possibility? If not for Chip was there really something there to build a relationship on? She wondered. It was hard to make the distinction because it was hard to not imagine Chip in the picture.
"What is it that you think you really want?" Heather's question brought her back to the present and she thought about that.
"I guess what I want is a fucking storm, something that keeps me up at night, someone who I'll still want to be talking to in the middle of the night. I want all that...passion, you know? The fire and the burn inside for that one person who can make me feel things even when he's far away and then can pull me in so close at the same time. And I know that sounds like the dreams of an inexperienced teenager but I've been through a lot of relationships and short little dalliances, you know? And I just want more." She paused for a moment, closing her eyes and breathing in. Then she looked back at her friend. "It's more than sex, it's a real...intimacy. You know?"
Heather nodded. "I do."
"Am I crazy? To want that kind of love? To even think it's possible?"
Heather smiled. "At the risk of sounding crazy myself, I think you want what you have on the show. That magical thing that just transcends everything. And everyone."
She laughed, a shaky sound to her ears. "Maybe I've been living in that world too long," she said. But it was true. It was what she wanted. It was what she had. With Chip. A fucking storm.
She thought a lot about her conversation with Heather over the next several days and weeks, leading up to the Christmas break. She'd always thought something like what she'd described was unsustainable. But it really was what she and Chip had. A perfect storm, something powerful. It was something bigger than the two of them, something transcendent, to use Heather's word. Truly she could feel it across the room the same as if he were skin on skin, that connection, that oneness. It seemed as though there weren't enough words to describe it, at least to where it didn't sound fantastical or, yes, crazy.
She believed she could talk to Chip all day and all night, or not at all, just be together. She'd felt it back in the very beginning. That afternoon when they'd spent hours talking and then somehow just knew they were meant to be together. She'd fought it, but the truth of it all was that while maybe it could be set aside for a time, it couldn't be denied. When she thought about Heather's observation – I think you want what you have on the show – it was true. She couldn't, however, imagine setting it aside for 14 years. She smiled to herself when she thought about how close her friend had been to the truth.
She thought about the conversation again that last day she was in Nashville before the break. She was lying in her bed with Chip, both of them wrapped up in the sheets just gazing into each other's eyes. They were postponing the inevitable, when he needed to leave and she needed to go for a last day on set.
"I'll have a blue Christmas without you. I'll be so blue just thinking about you," he sang. Then he smiled, a little sadly she thought, his eyes looking a little misty. She hated that he was spending Christmas alone. He wasn't really, of course, but it would be a different kind of holiday for him. He rubbed his thumb on the bottom of her cheek, his index finger curved under her jaw. "Next year," he whispered.
She nodded, then opened her mouth to answer and suddenly felt overcome with emotion. She felt the tears in her eyes, pressed her lips together, and breathed in. "Yeah," she finally said. "Promise."
He leaned in and brushed her lips lightly with his own. "Promise."