Dedicated to Akaashi Keiji! Happy Birthday, our prettiest setter!
[ This is my first completed one-shot and I hope you all like it! ]
Inspired by the song : things I could bever say to you by Noni
"The first time I saw him, I was pretty sure he was glowing."
It was the first day of our third year in highschool and he was one of my classmates. He was sitting by the window just a few rows ahead of me and was staring outside as we waited for the teacher to come. I couldn't help but stare, mesmerized as it feels as if the sun has purposely shone that way just for him.
And, almost as if feeling the pair of eyes on him, he turned his head and his eyes met mine for a curious moment before nodding gently in greeting. I was a little startled and with slight wide eyes, returned the greeting.
It was me who looked away first. His eyes were a beautiful pair of blues, almost like the color of the deepest ocean but sparkles every now and then which reminds me of the stars in a cloudless night sky.
I have never been the look-in-the-eye kind of person because it always makes me feel conscious of myself but when it comes to him, it was like I was drawn and I suddenly forgot all my insecurities. All I could think about was that,
"I think that if I ever found myself lost, I'd rather it be in his eyes forever."
That day, I found out his name was Akaashi Keiji. Somehow I couldn't think of any other names that would perfectly suits him.
After that, everytime we passed by each other, he would greet me with a nod and I would return it with a small, shy smile. I was happy and I know it sounds really silly but sometimes when life gets a little harder and everything starts to fade into monochrome, I would just glance at him and suddenly, it reminds me that there's still something, someone out there who's shining with all the bright colors. I guess I was just lucky to be in the same room as him.
But despite my strong feelings, I could never dare to approach him. Because in my mind, I have always compared him to the stars, beautiful from afar but the moment you get too close, you get burned.
He was smart, handsome, athletic, and very popular. He was all the good qualities of a reliable person and I am nothing. I was just an ordinary girl who people often forget in time, someone who's just passing by and going with the flow of life without the courage to fight the waves.
There were times when I tried to stop. Looking away even before he could greet me, steering away from his path whenever I see him in the hallways. But somehow by the end of the day, I could never really do it. My eyes would automatically search for him in the crowds and inevitably meet his own perceptive ones.
And one night, while I was sitting by the window of my room as I stared up at the starry sky, I realized that it was hard. Falling in love alone, that is. People are greedy in nature, always wanting for more than what we already have and even something that is way out of our reach.
Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it wasn't.
When it comes to him, it always felt as if I was reaching for someone who I can never have, mindlessly stretching my hand out and hopelessly wishing that I could touch even the tips of his fingers but I couldn't. I know that I can't and yet, I still want him anyway.
It was foolish of me to long for something
that was never gonna be mine from the start.
And I guess it was all because of these thoughts that I lost.
As I stared helplessly at the sight right before my eyes as he smiled at the girl in front of him, eyes shining with the affection that I longed for while his arms wrapped around her body and pulling her in for a loving embrace.
I could hear my heart breaking. I could feel myself lose control as tears slowly fall down filled with sorrows, heartbreak, and regrets for all the times I doubt myself for being unworthy of your love.
If only I opened my mouth and spoke to you whenever we cross paths,
if only I have smiled and step closer to walk with you whenever we coincidentally met at the gates of school every morning,
If only I have approached you that day we first met,
Would it be me who's inside your embrace instead of her?
Would it be me who you're whispering sweet nothings to as you walk away from my hopeless self?
I guess I will never know because I was too much of a coward to try anyway.