line by line
Disclaimer: I don't own lwd
AN: Follow me on AO3.
Warning: Casey and Derek discuss mature sexual themes in these episode. Read the End Notes for the exact trigger warnings if that may trigger you.
line by line
Chapter 2: The Middle
"Welcome back to Casey's Drunk! I'm Derek."
"And I'm Casey. And I'm not drunk...yet."
"Keyword, 'yet'! So, you guys send in a lot of comments."
"Like… a lot ," Casey adds.
"And we tend to avoid like...half of them?"
"Maybe more than half actually."
"So today, we're having a drunk episode, where me and Casey are going to drink and answer the questions we've been avoiding. What could go wrong!?"
"Nothing!"
"Exactly! And to make matters worse...or better for the listeners...My little sister, the light of my life-"
"Marti!" Casey squealed.
"Yes, Marti picked the questions. So let's get this shit show on the road."
"We have no sponsors this week so this is about to get really real . Cheers!"
"Cheers!" Glasses clink in the background. "Ok, the first one isn't even a question. I'm pretty sure this is just a Smartie request. It just says…'Talk About Prom.'"
"Oh god," Casey groans.
"What about prom?" Derek asks, confused.
"Just… tell the story. I can't do it. She's been nagging me for years. She was so young she doesn't really remember what actually happened, except that I ' looked like a Princess ' and that you ' saved me, '" Casey explains, unconvincingly.
"Uh, ok. I don't know what is so exciting about it. So, it was prom night and Caseys had a disaster of a day to no one's surprise. Her date showed wearing some 80's powder blue tux. Her hair was a rat's nest. Her dress was ruined..."
"Yeah, thanks to you!"
"It was bad before I even got there!" Derek defends himself. "Anyway, the point is, she said she wasn't going to prom. And then with the help of some friends, I saved prom."
"You did," Casey coos. "My fairy godmother showed up with a beautiful dress, fixed me up, and took me to the ball!"
"I think I was your coach man, actually."
"Whatever. You saved the day, Der."
"All in a day's work. Next question!"
"Ok, the next question is…" Casey trails off, looking for the next one. "Oh! What were your first thoughts about each other? Ok, I know why this is in here. See, I think the Dasey fans-"
"Oh god. We're talking about it?"
"I think we have to."
"Fine, yeah. Go for it," Derek grumbles.
"So, this is a little uncomfortable for us to talk about. Sorry, mom! But Dasey is our ship name, or so we've learned."
"Stupid name. Also, pretty sure Marti is the captain of that ship, which should be concerning..."
" Anyway ! A lot of our listeners seem to ship us, and spam the comment section. So here we are, talking about it!"
"I bet they expect me to be like 'I saw her from across the room and thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world!'" Derek says in a dramatic tone.
"Gross!" Casey replies giggling.
"Exactly. That's not what happened at all. So, we met when we were fifteen as some of you may remember from earlier episodes. I saw her in the hallway at my school. She was wearing her frumpy school uniform, the skirt wasn't even rolled up-"
" Pig ."
"What? They wanted to know my thoughts! Those were my thoughts. Anyway, uniform aside, I thought you were cute. And your eyes were pretty, obviously , but like, come on, who doesn't? But that's about it. I had other things on my mind."
"Wait- you thought I was cute?!" Casey squeals. "How did I not know this?"
"Case… come on. I was a 15 year old boy. It didn't take much. Don't flatter yourself."
"Ew, ok!" Casey groans. "Way to ruin the moment, Venturi! So, the first time I met Derek...I actually met Ralph. Long story short. Doubt we'll ever tell that one…"
"Yeah…" Derek adds. "Probably best if we don't."
"But the first time I really met Derek, I was already annoyed at him for the whole Ralph thing. But I thought you were like the classic guy on a prime time tv show, you know? The leather jacket. The smirk. The floppy hair. The girls swooning after you. The slow-motion pan of you walking through the halls high fiving everyone. God, I hated your guts, but... yeah I thought you were pretty."
"There you have it! I thought Casey was cute. Casey thought I was the hottest guy at school."
"I didn't sa-"
"Next question! Who has the worst ex?" Derek chuckles. "Casey, hands down! I don't even have to think about it."
"Yeah… I think so. Granted Derek doesn't seriously date often, he doesn't have many exes. Or ex's situations , that I got to meet anyway. But it's me. Most of my exes are… well, terrible ."
"Agreed! Next!"
"Derek, who is your favorite out of the guys Casey has dated. Casey vise versa," Casey reads. "Oh jeez. Ok, I'll go first because it's easy. Sally. Sally was too good for you."
"Yeah, she was," Derek replies, pride in his voice. "And for you, I'm going to say Sam."
"Sam?!"
"Sam."
"Sam doesn't count!"
"Why not? You dated. I watched you swap spit. It counts."
"For the listeners, Sam is Derek's best friend since birth. And my ex, I guess? He's also our podcast editor and so much more. But whatever, I'll take it!"
"We should have Sam on the podcast. He could be our first guest," Derek suggests.
"We should! Ok, next question! Oh jeez..." Casey trails off.
"What?"
"She really went there," Casey murmurs to herself. "You sure you don't want to skip any?"
"Just say it," Derek sighs.
"Is Dasey real?" Casey asks, softly.
"No," Derek practically growls into the mic. "Next question."
"Alrighty then!"
"What? Am I wrong?"
"No, your right. 100%. Dasey is not real," Casey confirms.
"Cool. Next question. Have you kiss- Marti!" Derek groans. "Ok. I need something stronger. Let's do shots!"
"Please stand by as we get super drunk!"
"We're baaaaack!" Derek replies, sounding a lot more relaxed.
"And drunk!" Casey adds cheerfully.
"And Dasey is still not real. What's the next one spacey?"
"Aww, this one is cute. What's your favorite thing about each other?"
"Oh, so now she wants us to be nice. Cool. Easy. Casey's fucking brilliant."
"I am?"
"You are."
"Aww, Der!" Casey squeals.
"Welcome back to The Birds and The Bees. I'm your host, Derek."
"And I'm Casey."
"And today… we're going there."
"Yes we are."
"What are we doing, Case?
"We're talking about sex. So mom… dad...Liz, maybe skip this one."
"Dad, take a hike. Ed, take some notes. Marti… " Derek trails off, groaning.
"Marti go away!"
"Now, we are going to be respectful of each other... right Case?"
"Yeah, for sure! We are about to learn so much about each other's sex life. No judgment. We're adults, we can handle this!"
"Damn straight! Let's talk about kinks, McDonald."
"So before we dive in, I just want to go on records to say that I think I'm more open and well versed than you, Der."
"I wish I could call your bluff. But I know the books you read. So, yeah, probably."
"Join the book club! Links in the description box below," Casey quickly plugs. "So, to prepare us for this episode we both took a quiz."
"A very long one."
"And it told us our most popular sex kinks are. So do you want to go first or you rather hear my results?"
"I'll go first," Derek decides. "So there are multiple kinks and lifestyles. Should I just give you my top-rated ones?"
"Sure!"
"Ok so I got vanilla, brat tamer and dom," he rattles off.
"Wow. Ok. Do you think that's right?"
"Yeah I think so. I don't do anything too crazy in bed. I can be dominant, but I think I'm more of a soft dom, maybe. And I think that goes hand in hand with the brat tamer part of it all."
"Ok. Yeah. I can't see you being like a hard dom ethier. But soft .. yeah, I could see that."
"Well, now that you know entirely too much about my sex life, spill, Princess."
"Ok, so I got switch, brat and rope bunny. And I got a decent score for daddy kink. I also have a few more that weren't on this list."
" Wait . I need to unpack this. You didn't get vanilla?"
"Nope."
" Shit . Ok," Derek whispers, letting it sink in. "What's a switch?"
"I like to be submissive… but, I also like to be dominant."
"Oh. Ok. Yeah. I can see that for sure!"
"Yeah I wasn't surprised by that at all."
"And you got brat?"
"Yeah… I don't think anyone is surprised to hear that either."
"Nah. Comes with the whole princess territory. What were the other ones?"
"Rope bunny and daddy kink."
"So…. You like getting tied up?"
"I haven't done much of it. But I don't mind my wrists being tied. I'm not sure how I feel about some of the more constricting setups. I haven't gotten around to exploring those yet. But the idea of it...yeah."
"Interesting. I feel like that ties into the brat/sub lifestyle."
"Yeah, it's all interconnected."
"Would you be open to doing the tying up? Since you're a switch, I mean."
"I'd need to work on my knots but I'd be open to it yeah. Why are you offering?"
"Shut up! Alright and lastly…" Derek trails off, nervously.
"What? The daddy thing? Yeah. I don't know what to say about this one is a new development honestly. I didn't score that high on it but I still wanted to call it out."
"What is your attraction to it? Cause as a guy I see the appeal to being called daddy. But I know it can be more than that."
"Oh yeah it's a whole lifestyle. I've hardly dipped my toe into it, but I will say that if I'm in the mood to be submissive, to be dominated, I want it to be by someone who will like… take care o f me. In all the ways," Casey explains.
"So it's not just a 'oh he's hot,' kind of thing?" Derek asks, sounding genuinely curious.
"Not at all. I feel like it's a vibe someone can give off. Not always men! But there are some people who just make me want to scream Daddy and I'm not ashamed to admit it, so don't even try it, Venturi!"
"I won't," Derek chuckles softly.
"Have you been called daddy, Der?"
"I uh ... yeah actually."
"How was that?"
"Well, when I played hockey I was in the best shape of my life. Post hockey, not so much. But a while ago, I started working out again and meal planning. I got ripped. It's probably the best I've ever looked. And uh yeah . I got a few of those then."
"In bed?"
"Yeah. Now I get it in our comments sections. The Dom Daddy Derek, thing."
"Did you like or...?"
"In the comments? It's a little weird. But in bed? Yeah. I was into it. The whiny breathy neediness did wonders for my ego if I'm being completely honest."
"Aww I'm glad, Der."
"Welcome back to Thirsty Thursday . I'm Casey.
"And I'm Derek."
"And today we're reading thirsty tweets! Except they're not tweets, they're comments."
"It's about to get real uncomfortable," Derek prefaces.
"Yeah, after last week's episode… You guys flooded the comments. So, to our family, please click off now!"
"Ready?"
"Yeah. I'll go first. Derek picked my comments and vise versa to make it extra fun. The first tweet says… 'I want Casey to tap dance on my back .' I assume this is after I posted that video on Instagram? The throwback of when I took a few tap dancing classes? I'm honored but please take care of yourself! That could induce serious harm."
"I mean… Some people like pain, Case. Respect it."
"I do! I just worry!"
"Ok, this one says…' Derek Venturi could spit in my mouth and I'd say thank you .' Wow. Ok. To this lovely listener I say… please practice social distancing and stop the spread. Thirst responsibly ."
"What a politically correct answer, Der. So is that a no to spitting?"
"Not my thing."
"I can respect that! Ok, next up I've got…. 'Brunette Casey owns this ass .' Wow thank you. It's hard to get my hair colored right now because... quarantine. So I went back to natural. Glad it still works for me."
"I gave you a soft one with that one," Derek teases.
"Only because you're tired of me complaining about missing the blonde."
"Maybe I like it dark, McDonald! Okay, next up 'Yes daddy. Choke me.'...Really? Thas it? That's the whole thing,"
"It's an actual comment in response to one of your thirst traps."
"I do not thirst trap!"
"Oh but you do, Venturi."
"Whatever. Next!"
"Ok this one says… 'I would pay money to have Casey McDonald tie me up .' Wow. I'm so flattered. I'll work on my knots!"
"Oh really?"
"Everyone needs a side hustle, Der! Let me open up a dungeon first. Next!"
" ' Oh to have gone to school with Derek. I would have blown him before every hockey game .' Well, this one's interesting…"
"I picked this one for a reason," Casey explains.
"Go on."
"I know you. And I know that just wouldn't work. And I'm about to ruin the fantasy for so many kinky people."
"Oh boy," Derek sighs.
"Heres the thing. You couldn't, or well, you probably shouldn't blow Derek before a game. He gets pe-game anxiety and half the time he ends up puking. So, I don't think he'd be into it. However, maybe after a game…"
"And after my shower," Derek quickly adds.
"Exactly. Just a pro tip for anyone trying to blow Der- Bear!"
"Gee...thanks Case?" Derek sighs heavily into the mic.
"Next! 'Fuck Dom Daddy Derek. I want Casey to dominate me in whatever way she wants. ' What do you think about that Spacey?"
"Wow, I am so flattered!"
"I think they heard you were a switch and they ran with it."
"Yeah, I've seen some interesting comments like that this past week," Casey chuckles.
"So, will you be dropping an Only Fans soon?"
"Not at the moment. But I do appreciate the support that both me and Derek can be considered doms! Equality!"
Trigger warnings for this chapter: Mention of sexual kinks [Dom/Sub/Switch, Brat/ Brat Tamer, Rope Bunny, Daddy Kink, spitting, consensual pain] Mention of sexual acts.
AN:What do you think Dasey's relationship is behind the mic?
Can you understand who is speaking with the little cues I've been adding in? Or is it confusing? Let me know!