line by line
Disclaimer: I don't own lwd
AN: Follow me on AO3. (Archive Of Our Own)
line by line
Chapter 3:
"Welcome back to High and Dry. I'm Derek."
"And I'm Casey. Or maybe I'm Spacey today?"
" Maybe ," Derek adds. "After our drunk episode, we got a lot of requests for a high episode. It took some convincing on my end but we are an equal opportunity podcast!" Derek explains sounding excited.
"But... I don't smoke," Casey adds. "So we improvised."
"We may have gotten some edibles."
"And they may have been delicious! The cherry gummies were my favorite. They didn't even taste funny."
"So, let's see when they kick in, and let's get this shit show on the road."
"What are we talking about today, Derry?"
"Again with the Derry, Spacey ?" Derek sighs. "Anyway, I thought it was only fitting that today we talk about Casey McDonald: The Badass."
"The Badass?" Casey asks, confused.
"The Badass. The first story I'm going to tell is about when Casey sold contraband for me."
"Oh no," Casey sighs.
"Oh, yes. Ironically I was also in quarantine then! So when I was about 16, I got chickenpox. It sucked, but the worst part about it was that I had to stay home, which interfered with my...business. Naturally, I was upset about it. And Casey got suspicious. Very suspicious. Basically, Casey thought I was a drug dealer. Which, for the record, I was not!"
"Well, it was suspicious. You wanted to go to school, Derek. School ! You can't blame me for assuming!"
"Right. Anyway, to clarify I was selling school supplies and CD's out of a locker. So, before Casey ratted me out, I told her the truth. And then she stepped in to cover me while I was sick. And surprisingly, she was good. Better than good actually. It was pretty badass McDonald."
You could have gotten in trouble. But she did it, for me. "
"Uh, I did get in trouble! Sort of. But I only did it because you bribed me with a cell phone. Not for you!"
"Yeah yeah yeah. That was only the beginning of your life of crime. After the break, we're going to talk about the first time Casey snuck out with me. And the first time she threatened to fight the football quarterback, for me ."
"All bad ideas. And all having something to do with you!"
"Aww, Case. Thanks for letting me be your first."
"My first?" Casey asked, giggling like a teenager.
"Mind outta the gutter, McDonald."
[Unreleased Episode From The Vault]
"Alright guys, I'm gonna be honest with you. It was a shit week."
"Yeah..." Casey sighs into her mic.
"We want to be an hour of entertainment for you during these weird times. So many of you have told us how happy a new episode makes you. But it's been a rough one," Derek explains.
"Yeah. Mental health is important. And right now mine is…"
"Yeah. Me too." Derek adds solemnly.
"But we didn't want to leave you without an episode this week. So we're going to take the lazy route, and just do some rapid-fire questions from you guys on the discord channel. Who knows, maybe we'll start to feel better," Casey offers sounding hopeful.
"Yeah, maybe ."
"Ready?"
"Ready."
" First kiss?" Casey asks.
"Emma from Science class."
"Jacob from jr high. Favorite Song?"
"Uhhhh... Impossible ask. Drivers License because-"
"No explanations. A little bit yours JP Saxe. Craziest dreams?"
"Killer Clown chasing me," Derek offers.
" I...don't have time to unpack that. My craziest dream was about mermaids. Craziest nightmare?"
"...Killer clown chasing me?" Derek repeats.
"Losing my loved ones. Favorite food?
"Sushi."
"Pasta. Dating pet peeve?"
"Being jealous of Casey," Derek scoffs.
"Same. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?"
"Shit…" Derek groans, losing the memento they had built up.
"D?" Casey asks softly.
" Home ," he breathes out. "I wish I was home , Case," he replies, sounding broken.
"I…" Casey trails off. "Yeah . Let's scrap this episode. We don't have to record this week, ok?" she decides.
"Yeah, ok."
"Sorry for missing last week, guys. We weren't in the right mindset to record," Derek explains.
"We tried but... it didn't work out."
"We're a lot better now. But we want to remind our listeners to check in on their mental health because it's so important!"
"Exactly. So, what are we doing today, Case?"
"Well, I felt like we needed to have some fun. So today we're doing kiss, marry, kill!"
"So, what you're saying is, we have a sponsor?"
"Exactly! Okay The first round we picked characters. Derek...kiss, marry, kill: Daenerys Targaryen, Hermione Granger, or Wonder Woman. And yes, Derek does love a strong woman."
"Oh man...Okay. Okay. I think I have to kill Danny, right?"
"What?" Casey gasps.
"Yeah, she went to the dark side. I have to. Then I'll….Marry Hermione and kiss Wonder woman."
"Wow, ok. That's a choice."
"Ok Case… Derek Hale. Jon Snow. Captain America."
"Kill Derek Hale," Casey says instantly.
"That was too easy. Why? I picked him because you love him!"
"I think he's beautiful . But I could never hook up with Derek. You've ruined all Dereks for me."
"It's an honor."
" I think I'll kiss Captain and marry Jon," she adds.
"It's the hair isn't it?"
"Yes...yes it is," Casey breaths. "Ok. Round 2! celebrities. Ashley Leggat, Zendaya, Mila Kunis. And before you say anything I need to point out that Derek doesn't fangirl. Not like I do. But the way that he loves Ashley is just… wow ," Casey explains.
"Shut up, she's cute. I had the biggest crush on her growing up. And she's like, wow now."
"I know. It's just so hard to picture you with a crush. And like… unrequited feelings."
"I wasn't always this good. Anyway, I'd marry Ash, obviously. Kiss Zendaya. And kill Mila even though it hurts."
"I'm not surprised. Who's next?"
"Harry styles- "
"Marry Harry!"
"Let me finish!"
"Fine."
"Harry Styles…. and the rest of One Direction. Because Casey was a One Direction fangirl."
"Ok, first of all, I still am a fangirl. Second off, that's 5 people. Anyway, I'm still going to marry Harry. And I'm going to kiss Niall and kill Louis, Liam and Zayn."
"Riveting content! Roll the ad read!"
"We asked you all to submit some questions for us to answer on today's episodes. We've answered questions before but this time we're not drunk and Marti didn't pick them."
"Nope. So it should be a safer episode."
"Theoretically."
"Alright, Der. The listeners want to know...What is the most romantic things you've ever done?"
"Really? That's what they want to know?"
"Well I think they just care about our relationship stories," Casey offered.
"Ok well… To be honest, I'm not very romantic."
"Off the record-" Casey started.
"You on a podcast, Case. It's all on the record."
"Off the record!" Casey started again. "You've done tons of sweet things for me. So I imagine in a relationship you are just as romantic and caring. And remember you drove like 6 hours to go see Sally for like two. You do romance, Venturi. You're just quiet about it."
"Case you can't go ruining my fuck boy imagine. You've spent years handcrafting."
"Ehh, you've grown up. I'll admit it!"
"Careful Casey. You're making me sound like a good guy."
"You are a good guy. A pain in the ass most of the time, but that's the duality of man," she explains.
"Fine. What about you? What's the most romantic thing you've ever done?"
"Oh, I'm a romantic at heart. I will make your favorite meal on a bad day. I will light candles and spread rose petals because men deserve romance just as much as women."
"Yeah, I'll admit, Casey is extremely thoughtful. Maybe not romantic, but her back rubs are top tier."
"That's because I use oils and put on a diffuser. I make it a spa-like experience."
"That you do. That's why it's annoying when you date a guy who doesn't go all out for you. I know you get mad if I don't like your date but they really aren't good enough. You love with your whole heart. And you give it so freely."
"Aww Der. I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
"...that was gross. I'm sorry. Let's move on."
Casey giggles in the background.
AN: Hope you enjoy!