Chapter 1

Rock Creek, Nebraska

July 1861

"Just a few more miles, Lightning," Lou whispered to her horse as she galloped across the prairie. The hot July sun beat down on both horse and rider as they closed the gap between the last way station and home. Home. It seemed like it had taken an eternity to get here, a place she could finally call home. A place where she could feel secure enough to let her disguise slip a bit while around the boys who had become family to her. It had been so long since she felt that way about a place or a group of people. The last few years had been filled with struggle and heartache, but since she had signed on with the express, she found more than she had ever dreamed of. She went from an lonely orphan to a sister, a daughter, and maybe even one day soon, a wife.

It always came back to him. He was her safe place, even when he annoyed the hell out of her. He loved her fiercely, or at least he did at one time. After she had rejected his proposal all those months ago, things had been uncomfortable and strained between them. He tried to move on with Samantha and she was left in the shadows to watch as he tried to give his heart to another. She knew the pangs she felt in her heart grew from the regret over telling him she wasn't ready, and the truth was, she wasn't ready, not then anyway. Now was another story. Ever since their run in with the Pike gang, they had been slowly making their way back to each other. They both wanted to take it slow this time. The last time had taught them to listen to each other and they had been doing just that. He was her safe place once again, and she was his. With news that the express was running out of money, maybe it was almost time for her to drop her disguise permanently and go back to being Louise again. Maybe. She still had that little niggling of fear that she supposed would never go away, even though she knew her biggest nightmare was dead. She had seen his demise before her eyes and while it filled her with relief, she still had to live with what had happened. Kid showed great restraint when she finally confessed all that had happened to her back then. She knew her story was hard for him to hear and yet when she thought he might run away, he stayed. She knew now that things had changed that day, for both of them. Clearing her head of all her errant thoughts, Lou saw Rock Creek on the horizon and shouted to Lightning to hurry.

Pulling up to the station and handing off the mochilla to Noah, Lou slid off a now lathered Lightning to see familiar blue eyes that always made her stomach do flips. He was waiting there for her as he always was, except for the few times he was off on a run of his own. His eyes were creased with worry and she tried to read why before asking.

"How was your run?" Kid asked.

Sweeping her hat from her head, she dragged her sleeve across her forehead, wiping the perspiration from her brow, complaining, "It was ungodly hot out there today!" Tossing her hat onto a nearby bench, she added, "I'm so happy to be back. I could really use a swim in the pond to cool off. Wanna come with me?" Tilting the brim of her tan hat up with a finger, Lou raised her brows, a suggestive look to her eyes.

Catching the twinkling gleam in her brown eyes, Kid replied, "You know I do. Tell you what, let's get Lightning brushed down first and then we can go." Taking the black stallion's reins from the hitching post, he started leading Lightning to the coolness of the barn.

"Alright, I'm gonna grab something to eat and I'll be right there. You don't mind do you?"

"Not for my favorite girl, I don't," he said grinning back over his shoulder at her. "Hurry back?"

She headed to the bunkhouse, pausing at the door to look back at him with a twinkle in her eye and a big grin plastered on her face.

After unpacking the few belongings she had taken with her on her run, and sliding out of her jacket, Lou rolled up her sleeves, enjoying the coolness of the air on her sticky skin. It was the hottest weather they had seen since they had moved to Rock Creek with no sign of rain or any cooling. The door opened, and Rachel came in with a platter piled high with sandwiches. "I thought I heard someone back. I figured it was the boys from town. You must've made some good time as you weren't due back for another hour," Rachel exclaimed.

"Kid and I were gonna head out to the pond for a picnic. Do you mind if we take some lunch to go? I'd rather not have to see the boys before we go," Lou said.

Rachel replied, "Have they been giving you two a hard time again?"

Rolling her eyes, Lou responded, "Yeah. And they're only getting worse. I have half a mind to quit and move away just to get some privacy away from their prying eyes. It's bad enough for me, but I don't think Kid tells me half of what they say to him." With that, she grabbed some sandwiches off the table, wrapping them in a napkin, along with her canteen to fill before she and Kid left for the pond. It would be so nice to have some time alone with him without the rest of the boys watching their every move. While she loved them all like brothers, they could also be just as annoying. Between the stares and the constant comments about their late nights in the barn, she and Kid were always glad when they could leave without the rest of them knowing.

As she left the porch, Rachel came out behind Lou to remind the two riders, "You better hurry if you want that pond to yourselves. The boys are due back from town any time now and being as hot as it is, you know they're going to be right behind you to the pond. Be careful you two!" Lou was too busy running around the corner with Kid hot on her heels from the barn.

It was almost dinner time, when Lou and Kid were ambling back from their picnic at the pond. The sun was low in the sky and all the horses were in the corral, an odd thing that no one was out on a run. But, with the rumors that the company was running out of money, it maybe wasn't so surprising after all. As they meandered their way back, hand in hand, Lou's face took on a dreamy stare as Kid looked over at her warm brown eyes. She looked back at his face and softly asked, "What?"

"Nothin'. It's just that, well, I could get used to this, you know?" he replied.

Lou pondered this for a moment before asking, "You mean the sunset, the picnic," she paused for a moment before lowering her voice to almost a whisper before adding, "or the swimming?"

Kid face flushed a bit on that last word before he responded, "All of it," as he pulled her into his arms for a kiss. Pulling back from her, he started, "Lou, you know what I want for us, where I hope this is heading." Seeing her nod in understanding, he continued, "I'm just afraid that, well, nevermind. It doesn't matter right now."

Seeing him struggle with telling her his feelings, Lou looked up into the eyes that took her away from the world and said, "Kid, you're right, I do know what you want, because I want that too." As she pulled away from him to wander ahead of him into the barn, she continued, "I been thinking about that more and more as the express seems to be winding down. The rumors are everywhere that the company's running out of money and that the telegraph will go all the way to California soon. We're going to be out of a job." Settling on a hay bale, Lou motioned for him to join her before suggesting, "Maybe it's time I go back to being Louise, and give up this whole charade. Problem is, I don't know how to do that anymore. I've spent so much time as Lou, I don't know if I know how to be Louise again."

Having joined her in the cool interior of the barn, Kid took the seat next to her before putting an arm around her saying, "Maybe we can work on that together. You know I love you just like you are now. I don't want you to change who you are. You already are Louise. You always have been. It doesn't matter what you're wearing, you're still my girl, right?" Lou just melted into his arms and twisted around to pull his face closer to her. As their lips met, small shivers ran down her spine to her toes and Kid pulled her closer into his arms, maneuvering her onto his lap. He moved to deepen their kiss as footsteps were heard from the barn entrance.

"Uh, you guys? We got company for dinner tonight. You might want to hurry it up in here. Everyone's waiting for you," Buck made his presence known to the pair in the barn. Having spied the two locked in each other's arms in the corner of the barn, Buck quickly turned and left. As he was strolling away, he added, "Oh, and Lou...they're here to see you. Claim they're your relatives. The woman says she's your grandmother and the guy's your uncle. We're all hoping you can tell us if this is true," Buck added as he strolled away from the barn towards the house.

Lou looked curiously up at the blue eyes focused on her before she left the warmth of Kid's arms and sprinted towards Buck. "What do you mean? People are here for me? What do they want?" she demanded. Kid, catching up to the two, looked curiously at Buck.

Buck stopped on the steps to the bunkhouse, turning to look at Lou and replied, "I don't know. That's all they would say. Something about Jeremiah and Theresa too." Lou cast a worried look to Kid before storming past Buck into the bunkhouse to find out exactly what was going on.

Flinging open the bunkhouse door, Lou barged her way into the room, immediately drawing the glances of everyone seated at the table. Teaspoon, Rachel, Cody, Noah, Jessie, and Jimmy all turned to look at who stormed into the bunkhouse. There were two other faces that Lou didn't immediately recognize in her haste. The newcomers were dressed comfortably for the hot summer weather. Dressed in a soft white blouse and dark green skirt, the older woman's round face was framed by soft chestnut waves streaked with grey, her tresses struggling to escape from the tight bun pinned near the nape of her neck. Beside her, the tall, lanky man was clad in tan pants, a crisp white shirt, and burgundy brocade vest, a tan wool hat passing nervously between his work-roughened hands. His warm brown eyes were focused on her, unsettling Lou as her eyes darted between the two, the vague glimmer of recognition causing her brow to crinkle in confusion. As her gaze settled on the older woman with the soft grey-brown hair and the warm brown eyes that looked so much like her own, the whisper came from her mouth before she could stop it, "Grandma?" The older woman stood and crossed the room to move closer to the granddaughter she thought she would never see again. Brown eyes gazed into brown eyes as tears formed in both sets of eyes. The older woman pulled the younger woman into her arms as the two softly sobbed into each other's shoulders. Kid and Buck had just made it into the doorway before they were witness to the family reunion.

Teaspoon was the first to speak as he came closer to the embracing women. "I guess that answers that!" he stated and everyone in the room let out a collective sigh with the breath they didn't realize they were holding. Everyone, that is except Kid. A knot was forming in the pit of his stomach that told him everything was about to change, and not in the way he wanted it to. He knew he just wanted her to be happy, especially given everything she had been through since her mother had died and she had left the orphanage. If she could be happy with these people, he wasn't going to stand in her way, even if it meant his heart was broken. Studying the tips of his boots on the wood floor, Kid realized he would do what was best for Lou. He would let her go.

"Grandma, how did you find me? Where have you been? Why…" Lou stammered as questions swirled through her head.

"Louise, it's a long story. Your mother knew where I was. I also knew what would happen once your mother left your father. She and I worked very hard to get you three children out of that house." Turning to the rest of the room, and returning to her chair by the fireplace, the older woman continued, "As much as it pains me to say it, my oldest son, John, was not a nice man. I knew this ever since he was a boy. My husband, Wesley, was also not a nice man, although I didn't come to understand this until after the wedding. He was very adamant that he would have great influence over his firstborn son, and he made it very clear that I was not to interfere in his upbringing. We had two other sons, which he left to me to raise. Wes was very clear, though that our son, John was off limits. Since John was going to take over the family business one day, Wes wanted to train him himself. Jeremiah and Josiah were mine to raise. I knew my husband wanted to control every aspect of my son's life, even deciding on who would become his wife. Mary Louise was from a very wealthy family in town and my husband wanted our family connected with hers. He didn't care that neither John nor Mary cared for each other. Marriage was a business arrangement as far as he was concerned and her father felt the same way. My husband and Mary Louise's father forced the two of them to marry. Louise was born a few months later. Once the wedding was over, my husband didn't care what happened to his new daughter-in-law, and really, neither did my son. They had her money, she had produced an heir and even if it wasn't the son he wanted, John pretty much left her alone. My husband died shortly after Louise was born. While he was alive, he was able to exert some restraint over John. After his death though, there was nothing that could control John. In the meantime, Mary Louise and I became fast friends. She was like the daughter I never had. I swore to help her protect her children from my son and his illegal business dealings. As soon as we could arrange it, we got her out of there along with Louise and Jeremiah. She was very heavy with child at the time, but Jem and I managed to get the three of them out of there and away from John. Jem, Josiah and I left town at the same time. Mary and I had agreed to stay away from each other until the day John was dead, in order to protect her and the children. We all knew that he would die by violence since that was how he lived. I just recently found out about his death last year. Jem and I have been searching for Mary and her children ever since. Josiah found Jeremiah and Theresa at the orphanage about a month ago, and were distressed to learn of Mary Louise's death so long ago. The sisters there weren't sure where Louise was living, and Theresa and Jeremiah were trying to protect their sister by not telling us where she was. Then, one day Theresa gave me one of her letters from Louise and we were able to trace her to Rock Creek. I think, no, I know that those two children miss their sister terribly. And, for that reason, they finally told me where she was."

Lou just looked at the older woman in disbelief. "You knew where we were the entire time, and you did nothing?" she half yelled through her tears. Kid came up beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. She drew comfort from his presence despite the turmoil she felt inside.

Theresa returned to her granddaughter, running her hands up and down the younger girl's arms as she calmly explained, "We did it to protect you from John. We all know what kind of man he was. You know it wasn't safe with him. You remember him from when you were younger. Your Mama would have left much earlier, but… No, it's not my place to tell you the rest. And not here. You need to know, but not here, not now."

Lou was burning with anger and grief and couldn't believe what she was hearing! Everything from the last few years could have not happened. The orphanage. Wicks. Charlotte. Joining the express. Wicks. Kid. This was all too much to take and with that, she whirled on her heel and sprinted from the bunkhouse leaving everyone staring at her in disbelief. Theresa started to go after her, but Kid stopped her, saying, "Let me go. I'll bring her back to talk to you. Wait here. Please?" She looked into his pleading blue eyes, and seeing the pain and love in them, decided to trust the young man. Kid turned and ran after Lou. He found her up in the hayloft of the barn.

Theresa turned to all the faces watching her from around the room. "I'm sorry for all the upheaval our appearance has caused tonight. You were probably planning a nice dinner and here Jem and I have shown up and ruined it. I'm so sorry. I genuinely thought she would've been happy to see us." She sunk slowly into the chair next to her middle son and started to cry. Jem put his arm around his mother and softly consoled her. "It'll be alright, Mama. She'll come around. It's just a lot for her to take in right now. We all, you, me, and Mary, kept a lot from her. She just needs some time. Then we can fill in the rest of the blanks for her," he softly spoke into her hair.

Surveying the scene before her and noting all the stunned faces, Rachel decided she needed to get things a bit back to normal before dinner got cold, or colder than it already was. "Theresa," she started, "Why don't you help me get this dinner warmed up? I think we'll all do much better if we have some dinner first." Rachel moved over to the crying woman to offer her hand. "Louise is a smart girl, even if she is a bit stubborn sometimes. She'll understand this, just give her some time. Kid will talk to her." Rachel paused for a minute before adding in a whisper, "He has a way with her," as she looked Theresa in the eye, willing her to understand her real meaning behind those words.

Theresa looked up at Rachel, then nodded in understanding. The older woman rose from her seat and began collecting the dishes of food from the table to heat up on the stove. As the two women stood next to each other, Theresa, leaned over to Rachel and quietly asked, "How long has this been going on between them?"

Rachel softly replied, "Almost since they started with the express, or so I'm told. They were together a while ago. Then they weren't. But, now they've been slowly finding their way back to each other. She leans on him more than she'll admit and he loves her more than he'll admit. But, anyone who looks at either of them can see it, even if they can't yet." Theresa glanced over at Rachel, catching her eye, and nodded in silent understanding. This was going to be harder than she thought. With all the time that had passed, Theresa reflected, she and Jem might not be able to convince Louise to come with them.

Kid found Lou sitting up in the hayloft of the barn, softly crying. After settling himself into the hay, he pulled Lou into his lap and held her in his arms while she cried. He softly whispered into her shoulder-length hair, "Shhhh, it'll be alright. We can get through this too. I'll be right by your side, if you want me to be."

Between sobs, Lou stammered, "Why did they have to show up now? Why couldn't they have just left me alone?" Turning her tearstained face to look at Kid, she continued, "Why did they come?"

Looking deep into her eyes, Kid responded, "I don't know. But, I bet if you ask them, they'll tell you," his eyes pleaded with her. "It won't hurt to just listen to what they have to say. They obviously love you very much and only want what's best for you." Just like me, he thought to himself.

Lou looked up at him before answering, "I don't know if I can do this. I tried so hard to leave the past in the past. And, now here it is, right on my doorstep. I'm not sure I want to open that door again."

"Don't you want to know the rest of the story? You said you wanted to know why they're here. Why not just listen to them and find out?" he tried to persuade her. Kid paused, watching her face carefully before continuing, "Do you want me to stay with you? I will, if you want me to. But, I think you need to do this alone. I'll be here, ready when you come back, alright?"

Sniffling, Lou replied, "Alright." Dropping her gaze back to her hands that were now resting in her lap, she softly admitted, "I think you're right. I do need to hear them out. I just remember what it was like before my mother left. My father wasn't around all that much, but when he was, it was awful. The last time I saw him, Uncle Jem had been visiting like he always did, but seeing Jem there sent my father into a rage. He tried to hit Mama, like he always did, but Uncle Jem fought him off until he was knocked out. Uncle Jem took Mama, Jeremiah, and me and got us out of there. Grandma helped him hide us away from my father. I haven't seen either of them since that night." Pausing, she added, "Maybe it's time."

Kid held her close and, running his hand along her spine, whispered, "Yeah, I think it is." Hearing the evenness of her breathing, he surmised she had stopped crying and asked, "You wanna go back now?"

"Yeah. They're probably gonna start looking for us soon anyway. And," her stomach let out a loud grumble, "I am getting hungry," she admitted, grinning tearfully.

"Me, too. I hope we didn't miss dinner. Especially since we really didn't eat much for lunch," Kid replied, giving his eyebrows a slightly lecherous waggle.

"And who's fault is that?" she retorted, pausing on her way down the ladder to watch him. Seeing his raised eyebrow in an attempt to lay the blame squarely at her feet, Lou scurried down the ladder, waiting for him to join her below. As he met her on the ground, Lou playfully swatted his chest before they slowly walked hand in hand from the barn to the bunkhouse.

Upon entering the bunkhouse, Lou and Kid noticed everyone was once again gathered around the table. Cody, Jimmy, Buck, Noah, and Jessie sat on one side of the table, their backs to the door. Teaspoon sat at the end closest to the fireplace, while Rachel sat opposite the station master. And on the last side of the table, sat her Grandmother and Uncle Jem. There were two empty spots immediately next to Jem, for her and Kid. Kid wasn't sure if she was going to want to sit next to her uncle, so he sat down next to Jem, while pulling her into the chair between him and Teaspoon. Under the table, they kept their fingers entwined as the meal could finally begin. Rachel said grace over their meal, and silently, the boys began passing the various dishes around to load up their plates with the warmed up dinner. Teaspoon started some conversation by asking Jem and Theresa, "So where do you folks call home?"

Jem answered first, saying, "We, my brother and Mama and I, started a horse ranch up north. It's about a day and half ride from here, just outside of Benton. Been in business, oh it must be goin' on ten years now. We hoped to bring Mary and the children up as soon as we could, but, well…" his words drifted off as his face fell in sorrow. Rachel eyed him curiously as she watched Jem speak. "Mama and I, and Josiah have been pretty successful in our venture. Mama always loved horses and she taught Josiah and I everything we know."

"Benton? Ain't that where Amanda is, Teaspoon?" Cody asked, his mouth stuffed with mashed potatoes.

"Yes, Cody," Teaspoon ground out, having seen the lack of manners the pale-haired rider was exhibiting.

"What's the name of your ranch?" Buck asked, redirecting the conversation back to the newcomers.

"Mariah Lake Ranch," Jem replied.

"We named it after…" Theresa started to say before Lou interrupted, whispering "Mama." Everyone turned to look at her before she looked back at her food and slowly pushed the food around on her plate. Jem watched her, remembering the way someone else would look when she was pensive. Like mother, like daughter he thought to himself.

Noah brought everyone's attention back to Jem as he commented, "I heard of that ranch. You have a great reputation around these parts. Teaspoon, didn't we get some horses from them a few months back?"

"I do believe we did, Noah. I think the company bought quite a few horses from them for the express to use," Teaspoon offered.

"We've had a contract with Russell, Majors, and Waddell for more than two years now. Jem and Josiah were so happy when they got a contract with them. We'd been doing business with them for years before that, but when they were going to start the express, they signed contracts with a few horse ranches across the West to help furnish their operation with horseflesh," Theresa finished.

"I've been hearing rumors that the company is running out of money for the express, especially since the railroad is coming along and the telegraph wires almost string clear to California. It'll be sad to lose the contract, but we have enough other customers to stay busy. And profitable. Plus, with the threat of war looming on the horizon, the Army has been asking around. We're friendly with other ranchers in the area and some are starting to be approached with contracts," Jem continued. The rest of the riders quietly finished their meal as Theresa and Jem spoke about their ranch.

Theresa straightened up suddenly at her son's mention of the Army. "Oh! I forgot, Jem, an Army man was out at the ranch just before we left. He wanted to speak with you and Josiah but you were both in town with the children. He said he would be back in a few days. Thursday, I believe he said."

Jem sighed at his mother's announcement. "Mama, we'll have to leave day after tomorrow if we are going to be back in time to meet him." The pair exchanged a cautious look. This didn't leave them much time to convince Louise to come home with them.

"I know, Jem, I'm hoping...well. We'll see," Theresa fumbled, placing her fork down. In an attempt to change the subject, Theresa announced "This was a delicious meal, Rachel. Thank you so much for letting us stay for dinner. Jem and I should go to the hotel now for the night and leave you all. Would it be alright if we came back tomorrow? Jem and I have a lot to discuss with Louise before we leave."

"Rachel, do you mind if I show them to the hotel tonight?" Lou implored, quietly leaning over to get her friend's attention. She locked eyes with the station mistress, hoping she would understand her need to see them back to the hotel.

"Alright. Do you want one of the boys to come with you? That way you won't have to walk home alone," Rachel suggested softly.

"Maybe, but…," Lou stopped. She thought she might be able to spend some time with her grandmother and uncle tonight. Lou knew she wouldn't get any sleep until she heard the rest of the story. Given her grandmother's unease just a little while ago, Lou was pretty sure that they were hiding something.

"How about I send one of them in about an hour to get you, alright?" Rachel added as she got up to begin clearing the dishes from dinner. She had just placed her burden in the sink when she felt someone approaching her. Rachel turned to find Lou standing before her. She leaned closer to the station mistress and whispered, "I don't think I can wait until tomorrow to talk to them. I wanna ask them some things tonight, otherwise I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."

"That's probably wise. You want me to send Kid in a bit?"

Lou looked at Rachel's face with a lopsided smile on her face. "That's what I thought," Rachel said, smiling her knowing smile. "Go ahead and get them settled, I'll send Kid in about an hour. He can wait outside until you're finished."

"Thanks, Rachel!" was Lou's quick reply as she ran out the bunkhouse door to where Jem and Theresa waited with their wagon.

"Hop in, Louise," Jem called to her. Lou climbed into the back of the wagon and settled herself for the short journey to the hotel at the other end of town. As the wagon started to pull away in the direction of the hotel, Lou's eyes locked onto Kid's as he watched from the bunkhouse porch. Their eyes spoke volumes as Lou felt herself slowly being carted away to discover her fate. As the boys faded from view, she slowly raised her face to gaze upon the stars overhead while a myriad of questions zoomed through her head. What did they want? Why were they here? Why didn't they take Mama and her with them when they left? Why? Why? Why? Hopefully, her questions were about to be answered.