"How does it feel to be mortal when you believed you had a place to go? Some far-off and heavenly portal where you could finally learn to take it slow?" ~ Audrey Assad, Eden (Live) 2021

Act 2 - Chapter 11: 近くにいる3; Be Near 3

Natsuki's writing captured me from the first to the last word. Her imagery plopped me into her foresty landscape, where my legs could burn as they raced to their end goal. I longed for the escape, the companionship, the assumption that I'd be understood no matter how unbearable my life turned out to be.

Nevertheless, such a place wasn't real, no matter how promising. Rest was something to be earned after good work, something Sayori and Monika have barely convinced me that I've obtained over supper. Yet, the more I tossed and turned overnight, the more I regretted my recent actions. All I've been for the past week was an emotional bummer, a palm tree bending to the weight of hurricane and hardship. My misery has clouded my judgment before, so letting it happen again meant trouble.

I liked Natsuki, and what she's been doing for me was sweet, but my heart was not steady. I was crying because of words I had read when all she needed was a simple thanks and finished cupcakes. The only thing that could help me get better was time to process the world I resided in and how to walk it through.

"Stop going through the motions; stop letting them take you over. You're more than any words you could ever hope to say."

And then she kissed me. I've seriously screwed up.

I pulled away from Natsuki and slowly stepped back, uncalled to respond to her physical advance. Her aura of confusion and denial pelted against my chest. Indeed, I've disrupted the chemistry between us two, failed to follow through and be reliable at this moment where she confessed to me.

Not sparing another second, I ripped my phone away from my pocket, thumbing through the screen and buttons. She needed to know what's going on, how the choices we're making aren't in good conscience-

I glanced back, locking eyes with her like a tight rope in a tug-of-war. Her state was solid as an old rugged tower, void of emotion and inflection. This was a living nightmare.

"Monika wasn't wrong about you. You need time and space," she mumbled, shaking her head wistfully, "Don't know how to speak, and here I fuckin' stand, 'expecting to know what ya want."

My fingers moved on their own, fiddling through the stale ambiance. "I'm sorry. Your poem means a lot to me, I need to take time and proc"

Natsuki snatched my phone and combed through my unfinished words. "Ugh, Nay," her groans vibrated the paper loosely hanging from my fingers, "but your response back then was so direct. Look at yourself!"

My neck craned to nod; my arms went cold. Meanwhile, her face burned hotter than fire. Pain erupted in my right cheek before I could register what she had done. With a slam, my phone was divided into three pieces of battery, screen, and case, sprawling across the kitchen floor.

"Pull yourself together!" She yelled, digging her claws into my forearms. "I knew that bringing boys to the club would ruin things, but this is a new low. Y-you stole my first kiss, dammit!"

Unlike the previous scenario that had us laughing like children mere seconds ago, my back was against the counter, powerless against the overbearing presence Natsuki required. Her world was falling apart, and she needed aid I couldn't provide. What kind of man am I if I couldn't even offer her support?

No matter where I stood, I instigated destruction.

"We were so close to throwing away the past, thisss close to normalcy in the clubroom. But as always, our attention had to turn to you. You couldn't control yourself back then, and you can't now. Get a grip, just- it's that fucking simple." Natsuki pushed herself off me and crossed her arms, eyeing the oven as it whined for attention. "I need room to finish these cupcakes. Out."

I dared not to test the fury in front of me. To feel the brute force of her anger meant taking on a truck with a kiddie trike. Instead, I used the little bit of rationality leftover to pick up my phone pieces and retreat to my bedroom, leaving Natsuki with her project.

I collapsed in my bed and faced the ceiling, desperately trying to hold back my tears. What was I doing, flailing around like a tree, bending in the wind's mercy - letting something so stupid reduce my feelings to rubble? Perhaps Natsuki was right; four kind and incredible ladies befriended me in a literature club, and I've been so utterly dense.

Did they want me to choose someone, or did they want to enjoy having more members in their little poem brigade? Was I in an act, a play, a means to an end? I wracked through the confines of my brain, unable to come up with a clear answer.

Maybe they wanted me to stand for myself, to be a man who took what he wanted and fulfilled a lustful desire. Gosh, I haven't seen Yuri in so long. We almost lost ourselves, numb to the world around us because it was just us two-

"Get out of my head!" I rejected the thought, throwing myself off the bed and thudding to the floor. Mom and Dad would kill me if they learned I did it before university. No one raised me a dirtbag, and I wasn't going to descend like one! I've become tired of causing harm to myself and my friends. Where's the time I was supposed to spend studying, doing homework, and listening to lectures? What happened to family meals and gym class, conversations about Father's business adventures, and spare time to practice music?

I struggled to my feet and looked at the room - my room - and felt the rays of the evening sun as they trickled in. Little things like warmth were supposed to be beautiful. The subtle colors decorating my floor and bed and all the structures around me served as succulent dimensions for my eyes. The leftover frosting in the back of my mouth should've been savored, not devoured like a mad animal.

A laugh escaped me as I recalled how silly I was in front of Natsuki before our fiasco. This world was more significant than my daily walk, more extensive than the problems I've tangled into. Yet here I was, bumbling around in the foreground of a story where I much preferred staying behind the curtains. The school could continue to function without my involvement. Connor should have messed with somebody besides me to keep it that way, so I could have more freedom to do the things I wanted to do.

'That's it,' I proclaimed to myself, or maybe to the encouragement Monika and Sayori gave me... or maybe to the poem Natsuki created... or perhaps Yuri and Makoto's prominent personalities. 'Screw the system; it's not like I'm under house arrest.' A rebellious mount of endorphins rushing through my body, I slapped my phone together and shot a text to the girl on the other side of my home, letting her know I wasn't going to be home for a bit. Once that was completed, I picked up a windbreaker from the coat hanger mounted on my bedroom door and stretched into it, fiddling with the zipper. Satisfied with my plan, I marched back into the living room and straight to my home's entrance.

"Nay, what're you doing?"

I turned around, finding Natsuki leaning on the kitchen doorframe, oven mitt over her left hand. She seemed perplexed, eyeing my outfit from top to bottom. Rolling my eyes, I played charades and stepped in place before jabbing my thumb towards the outdoors.

"Fine. Before you go, I... I'm sorry. I should've been easier on you with the whole baking and everything earlier." She looked away with crossed arms, clearly hiding the extent of her apology; her efforts were enough for me. I wronged her too. I gave her an assuring smile, which she recognized and mirrored. "Uhm... come back soon, I guess? Don't wanna leave here without a true taste-test and all."

I opened the door with a slight nod and let the warm and stagnant air take over me.

Feeling the gravel and asphalt under my shoes, hearing sounds of children scrambling through the streets, and watching the sun fall into the western hemisphere, I could almost mistake the beauty of this neighborhood for an anime.

A good walk helped to regulate my thoughts. The more I traveled, the more I realized things could have played out better for Natsuki. We didn't have to escalate... I needn't have scooped her up on the kitchen table. A feverish aching in my legs begged me to go back home. But I paid no attention to where my steps took me, heeded not the number of cars or people who passed by. Thoughts were simpler to obtain when being hypnotized by the colors flying below my feet. My body needed to hold itself together, to remain undeterred and on top of my wrongdoings.

I would not cry again. Every day's been a tear fest, and that realization alone was ridiculous. I'm not absurd, only troubled by the situation I've brought myself into. It was Connor first, then Monika, then the literature club, every encounter overtly emotional and unstable. I was not to be a leaf, frail and ail under the mercy of rainy weather. All in all, my current objective was not to seek out comfort and consolation until I learned to vent it away.

No, I stood my own, a young man who shouldered his burdens and took on responsibilities with maturity. My grades in school were acceptable, and I spent time with my family almost daily. I had passions and hobbies to keep myself busy, constantly filling notebooks with songs and doodles. Mom and Dad loved me and strived to raise me right in a world gone busy and scarce, and they did so dutifully. There was no justification for me to fall so far.

"Ah, it's you, Naomi."

And yet, my steps have led me back to the one place where I fell anyway. Yuri opted for a dark red long sleeve, subtle and easier on the eyes than tan. It went well with her peaceful purple gaze. Having nowhere else to be, I entertained the distraction from home and joined her company again, returning a half-hearted smile.

Side by side, we took in the riverside once more, letting the small waves and rustling trees do the talking. This was the calm before the storm, the peace before the war. It only felt right to take in the silence between us and zone out.

After some quiet minutes, the girl cleared her throat. "I- I think I'm ready for someone to bear witness, but I need to give a little background first."

Me? To what? I rose a brow toward her in query.

"Sorry - uuu! It's weird, I know, I know!" Yuri squeezed her knees to her chest and fumbled for her following words (which was oddly cute to see). "I kn-kn-knew it'd be good to symbolize my departure from something twisted. What better than to do so than... than with someone who can keep me accountable like you?"

I sighed and nodded in acknowledgment. A few moments of my time wouldn't hurt anybody.

"Thank you, Naomi. It takes a lot of strength to understand me and my situation, but it's always dark before the morning. I won't let us pull any stunts like last time, okay?"

"Capiche" is what I would've said back, but she took the words out of my mind quite literally. And by the slight grin hiding behind her hair, I assumed she wanted to get back for the first day we met at the literature club.

She scooted closer to me and placed a small case between us. I picked it up, ready to examine the contents. I watched as she inhaled in a shaky breath, yet she exhaled slowly and gracefully.

"In case you may not have guessed, Naomi, I've lived a solitary life. My little sister was too young to be my best friend, and my Mother and Father were quiet and peaceful people. Everything seemed to be that way until I reached elementary school until a developmental pediatrician diagnosed me with autism."

The first thing I found in Yuri's box was a packet of cotton balls. She shivered, and I did, too, having a slight clue to what else could be inside.

"Uhm... Uh..." she stuttered. Her body swayed to and fro, a slow rocking I haven't paid much heed to. Now that I saw her and paid attention to how she spoke, the dots connected like magnets; Yuri was not the same as the other clubmates, but her tendencies or manners of communication never threw me for a loop like they did with Monika. Perhaps she could be offputting or out of the blue, and all those little quirks work as a fundamental part of who she is.

I wished I could tell her that. Oh, how I long to speak again.

"Ever since this news came along, I noticed how my friends became distant. They wouldn't play with me or talk about books and candles. I guess the teachers shrugged me off once or twice, and I had to be taken out of the classroom quite often. It was perplexing how normal I figured I was when nobody seemed to acknowledge me.

"But when middle school came around, books were not enough. My favorite literary stories tasted like fodder. Romance novels were mushy, and fantasy never quelled my hunger, and my favorite scents and colors and sensations... they-th..."

Underneath her rolled-up sleeves were marks of many pale and pink colors and lengths. Determined not to falter on my promises, I paused, letting the choices come to me first. Yuri wept, rubbing her eyes with her fingers. Within the depths of my soul, I knew she wanted to go on and finish the night's battle; she'd reminded me of the work Sayori and Monika had done for my sake. "When you find your voice, tell me your feelings, and we'll work them out together. Okay?"

"They dissolved, diluted, destroyed without a trace! I needed something to keep me alive, Naomi, something to bring me to earth or a little higher, and it felt so pleasurable, in ways I couldn't express!"

If I didn't stop her, I could've listened all through the night and let the planet whirl. Alas, the exposition was over, and it was time to start a new chapter in her life. I bounced onto my feet and reached out in front of her with a free hand, my other one carrying her package. Yuri halted her babbling and blinked before taking both things and hoisting herself up. We tiptoed down the steep hill; the midnight waters gave more depths as we lined up against the bank.

"I believed that my habit would continue if I never took the leap of faith and asked you to come with me." she giggled softly, putting a fist against her chest. "Things were a little iffy that night, yet seeing you so free and- and genuine, and soft-hearted inspired me to open up. I need to broaden my horizons, not to close in on fleeting coping mechanisms."

I watched, enraptured as she wound up her right arm. With a shout, she launched the case through the open air. A definitive splash came soon after, a bell resounding newfound liberty and hope. Yuri's hair flew with the momentum of her pitch, and my brain took a portrait of the second, never to be forgotten. She wiped her eyes with a victorious grin, and I mirrored her happiness, pulling out my phone.

"On this day, I will keep you accounted for with great interest. But as your friend, this won't be a one-way street. We all need to support one another. Every single member of our club is worth the effort. What do you say?"

My hands failed to give the phone over. Were my words from the heart or just plastered onto a screen and forgotten the next day? I wasn't making a big commitment like Yuri, nor did I have any physical tools to reciprocate her passion. Not long ago, I promised myself to be reserved, recalling how much of an emotional wreck I've turned into. I was sick of crying into people's arms, sick of my circumstances, sick of inabilities and impairments and obstacles, sick of making meaningless things a big deal. What was a priority, what wasn't?

I was happy for you, Yuri, but this wasn't about me... We should be celebrating, working for the festival a day from tomorrow.

Yuri stopped my train of thought with a hand on my shoulder. "Naomi, I may be slow sometimes, but it's easy to see your heart is heavy. And... wh..." her pupils shrank, my breath stilled as a dull sensation rose from where her other palm lightly brushed.
"What happened to your cheek?"

It was an accident. We were all worked up, enslaved to the moments and desires freedom could quell. We were having fun together, and things took an unintended turn. I knew she would never have the gall to hurt somebody unless it was for self-defense. I haven't seen her hit anybody else. She hasn't done anything wrong. There was a whole kitchen I could've used to stay away from her. My notebook was in the living room, so I could've written a thoughtful response, and things would not have blown over. But wait, the living room was messy when Sayori and Monika left last night. Did Natsuki dig into my notebook? What did she see? Is this why she thinks I'm so stubborn or stupid? Am I truly that stupid? I need to move to a new school. This Literature Club is going to be the death of me-

OoxoOoXoOoxoO

"Sir, it's been over four days since we've started our psycho-integrated VR project. As you already know, your personable AI has been experiencing bugs that could limit the subject's ability to act freely. If this keeps up, he may enter a full psychotic breakdown and crash the simulation. What would you like for us to do?"

"Well..." A middle-aged man wearing a white lab coat and black necktie looked up from his mahogany office desk, computer monitors obscuring his peripherals. "The process of dual-client allocation is going smoothly, yes?"

"As smooth as a rushed project can be. You know how America is. They're already pushing developers to acquire rights for the source we're creating. Everybody is stressing out... and you know what happened in previous beta tests of our hardware. You're lucky it hasn't come to 'that point' yet."

He stood up and whirled around the desk until he stood face to face in the cramped workspace. "Count it as a blessing, Rinko." His lips softly curled as he planted a kiss onto her cheek before moving back to his workspace. "We've successfully implemented the paralyzation protocol and toned down the restrictions so his automatic nervous system can function freely. How many more days does our subject need to cover the remaining priorities?"

"Th-three, not including the day needed for your beta System to learn from the Monitor Kernel Access."

"See? Everything is going according to plan. I told you that letting me take on world development would give the rest of you time to stress-test the Virtual Machines."

"K-Ka-" the assistant stuttered, then breathed deeply, "The amount of trouble we're going through for hardware with these capabilities is astounding. I'm surprised we haven't seen Naomi flatline once."

"How are his vitals right now?"

After fumbling around on a tablet, she pulled up the results. "Stable. Brain activity indicates he's about to go through another meltdown. Still, it should be the last one before he gains access to all VR functions necessary - all unelevated ones, at least."

"Very well. To ensure he doesn't go overboard, firstly verify that our Infinifluence protocol is activated. Afterward, toggle his Direct Communication and insert the beta System file into the characters folder. Run it as a client using the Connor CHR."

Rinko's mouth dropped open. "That's a joke. You're joking, right?"

"Tell me this, are the people seen within those Virtual Machines real?"

"Th-they exist, most certainly, but are virtually impossible to bring to our world. They don't even have a soul. It's never been done before."

"You're right on almost all accounts. Our subject has obtained direct contact with the programs and files in comparison to our manipulating them. His being has become one with theirs, thereby more real than ever. If my beta System recognizes the new interactions, we will someday see the true beauty within our own eyes. Metaverse Enterprises will regret their cruelty towards those in the simulations. Anyway, Naomi should have no trouble dealing with Connor according to our subject's status."

The two occupants of the office stared each other down, pressing and kneading the words exchanged in their brains. After a brief moment, the faintest smile washed over the man and woman. Rinko was the first to act, giving a slight bow before walking out where she came. Her superior watched as she departed, content with the overall fruits of his labor. Sure, his development team was struggling to meet the demands of giant publishing companies, but the land he dreamed of constructing would surely come to fruition. That's what mattered.

"But it depends on humanity's willingness to accept the AI as one of its own." He whispered to himself and pulled up an image on his leftward desktop. On the screen displayed a blonde boy with shimmering blues as he helplessly clung against a burning minivan. His body was covered in various injuries, yet he recklessly attached himself to the vehicle... The game developer could barely sympathize, "I know it's not the same, Naomi. Yet, even in that unpalatable landscape, you're alive. Just last a little longer, and you will allow many people to escape from their world to mine."

OoxoOoXoOoxoO

This Literature Club was all I had. Where would I be without it?

But Yuri let go of the baggage of her past, so why couldn't I?

Maybe this is where it should start.

"Natsuki hit me."

We're coming up on the first anniversary of this story! Thank you to everybody who's been a part of it! No matter if you were a viewer, one-time reviewer, or somebody who's just hopped on board.

However, I wanted to do a bit of "setting up" and "real-world" establishment. I don't know what we call that in fan works. Oh well! Perhaps this wasn't the end of a chapter you were looking for, but that's the beauty of different authors and the many directions they can take in their stories.
The finale of this second act will be upon us. What other developments might occur in this story? Who knows, I just want to keep making content and letting small ideas and thoughts lead the way. If you've liked the story so far or want to offer up some criticism, I'm welcome to both. Reviews are the most appreciated way, in my personal opinion. Don't worry if that's not in your alley. I'll still appreciate your anonymous viewership, just like many other storytellers from East to West!

Happy reading, folks. Until next time...