A/N: Next upate. I'm starting to slowly like this work again. I'm glad it happened during and not after this time haha. Also, Hikaru is reminding me a little of Carrie's mother in this story.
I also received a review I only noticed now XD I'll finally respond to it.
Redhead1251: A very interesting read! Darker than what I usually go for but worth it. I'm quite torn about the age gap but I feel as though Kaoru had to mature faster than a normal child to survive in this world. Plus we should recognize that there is a difference between reality and fiction. The last thing I'll mention is I am quite impressed that English isn't your first langauge! You write very well in English, I hope you are proud of writing an 100,000 word story! Not many native speakers can attest to that.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like the story! I honestly thought this one would go fairly unnoticed and that I wouldn't get attention until I write my next fanfic (a Harry Potter one). Funny enough I thought this story would be lighter than my previous Harry Potter one and I have no idea why I thought that. I'm torn about the age gap too. I did add that just to make things more complicated and make Kyoya's character a little less morally good since he is supposed to be the adult one. But I kind of regret it now and I try not to think about it since an 18-year-old feels way too young even for me and I'm closer in age! I wish I had thought about the message it would send out more since I think some might see it as me normalizing the age gap between those ages. Lesson learned I suppose. Thank you for assuring me that my English is good! Even if we take English pretty seriously in my home country I have had bad luck with teachers so I've had to learn things like when to use has/have, an/a and such by myself as an adult. IS IT ALREADY 100, 000!? God, I haven't even uploaded half of the chapters XD
Chapter 8. Session 2.
Hikaru was hugging Kaoru the moment the younger twin stepped into their shared room. Kaoru wasn't sure why he received such a welcome but a hug was always nice so he didn't complain too much about him wanting to just lay down until he was supposed to meet Kyoya. Which was something he had to do to make sure that he didn't have a bad reaction to the serum. Luckily, he was let go of pretty quickly and could go and do just that.
Previously, Kaoru had thought that his bed was solely comfortable in the morning when it was time to leave it to indulge in his everyday activities. However, he now discovered that his bed could be almost as comfortable when he was emotionally exhausted as well. He needed to talk but he wasn't sure if Hikaru still wasn't up for this conversation (as he clearly wasn't when they were children). Kyoya would most certainly want to listen so Kaoru didn't have to fear that he had to carry this in silence. Still, it didn't feel right to keep Hikaru in the dark. He was about to open his mouth when Hikaru spoke.
"When you see these things in your dreams", Hikaru hesitantly said. "And then report stuff… you are careful with what you tell them, right?" Kaoru looked at him with an examining look.
"What do you mean?" He finally asked and Hikaru shrugged.
"I dunno… I guess, things that are no one else's business", Hikaru explained and Kaoru hoped that he would continue to stay this vague so Kaoru wouldn't have to promise him something he didn't want to. Yes, Kaoru understood that Hikaru wouldn't appreciate it if Kaoru told people their entire childhoods but Kaoru knew that he couldn't keep everything to himself.
"I… ", Kaoru said while really thinking through his words. "I'll promise to not share unnecessary things with random people. Not that I think that they are going to ask for that. It's not really a part of their job".
He really hoped that Hikaru wouldn't be too suspicious of the word 'random' and purposely add Kyoya to the mix. Kaoru wanted to tell his boyfriend and he knew that he would be thankful in return. Sure Kaoru wanted to tell him because he wanted to talk to someone who wasn't too involved in his past, but a part of him suspected that Kyoya might trust him enough to be able to open up a little more. Not that Kaoru wasn't happy with the progress they had already made of course. Speaking off, Kaoru started to wonder if he should be more worried about Kyoya's past treatment of his boyfriends. Even if Kyoya did admit that he still kept some of his old way of thinking, Kaoru still couldn't bring himself to be worried about this relationship turning toxic. Maybe it was because Kyoya wasn't just someone who said that he needed to change, but he was also actively keeping himself to his word. Actively trying to improve himself… at least Kyoya was trying to do something about himself.
Kaoru closed his eyes and clenched his fists around the pillow he was resting on. He knew that he wasn't actually diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder but the way Henry talked about it, and talked about Kaoru himself, made him seriously reevaluate himself and his interactions with others. Was it possible that he had tricked himself into believing that he was a good person all this time? Back when he used to think that he was evil; was that actually him being honest, before deluding himself? For example, when it came to the memories he just had to relive… he didn't feel any remorse or regret over his actions. Understandable in the first memory because Kaoru had mostly no idea what was going on but it was clear as day what was happening in the second memory. Kaoru didn't just deliberately leave a boy to drown, he made sure the boy would drown. At the time, Kaoru knew that he was full-out panicking and couldn't come up with a way to make sure that both survived. But in retrospect, how much did he actually care about the boy? Was it actually a hard choice? No, no it wasn't. Kaoru didn't hesitate before stabbing the boy in the back.
"Shouldn't you go now?" Hikaru asked after a while glancing at the clock on his nightstand. "For your appointment with the bloodsucker?" He added and Kaoru flew up from the bed but quickly relaxed when he saw that he wasn't actually late, but should probably leave now anyway.
"Yeah, you're right. Thanks", Kaoru smiled at him and walked to the door but lingered for a moment. "You know, it's not blood that he is su-".
"Perish", Hikaru ordered dryly and Kaoru laughed before finally leaving.
Kaoru received a small smile from Kyoya when he entered the familiar office space. Before he could go and sit down on the examination table, Kyoya stood up, grabbed his arm softly, and looked around to see if the coast was clear before kissing him. Kaoru couldn't help the shy smile and blush from the sudden romantic gesture after they pulled away. He looked down on the ground to make sure that Kyoya couldn't see as he went to the table and jumped up on it like he had before. Kyoya chuckled and muttered "cute" before picking up a notepad and sitting down again.
"You have just been through the dream treatment if I'm correct", Kyoya stated and Kaoru nodded. "I'm going to take a blood sample and examine your blood pressure - yes, again", Kyoya smirked at the bored look on his boyfriend's face. "I also have to ask you a couple of questions, to not only check to see if your body is reacting badly to the serum, but also to monitor your sanity. But first of all… how are you feeling?" The last part was intentionally said without his usual professional voice.
"Well… it's hard to explain, but I'll try", Kaoru quickly assured and Kyoya gave him an encouraging smile. "On one end it feels like I just woke up from a bad nightmare… but on the other end I now have a lot of things to think about, but can we talk about that after you have asked the questions you are supposed to ask?" Kyoya didn't really look like he was in favor of that suggestion.
"Isn't it better if you, as they say, get it off your chest as soon as possible?" Kyoya pointed out, a part beseechingly.
"I want to make sure that I get the important things out of the way… this might run into a rather long discussion", Kaoru explained and Kyoya reluctantly nodded to show that he would do as he pleased.
"These are standard questions and they will most likely bore you", Kyoya said and a smile of amusement played over his lips when Kaoru let out a small snort. "The first question is your name".
"Kaoru", Kaoru answered with a dramatic sigh.
"Surname?" Kyoya asked with a raised eyebrow and Kaoru smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Trick question", he responded smugly and Kyoya smiled and wrote his whole answer down on his notepad.
"Good, good", Kyoya commented. "Your brother's name".
"Baka".
"No, his nickname".
"Hikaru".
"There you go", Kyoya chuckled. He knew how to converse with the younger male at this point. Sometimes just playing along was the best option. "Age?"
"Seve- I mean, eighteen", Kaoru quickly corrected himself.
He hadn't been 18 for that long; it was no surprise that his new age hadn't quite registered in his mind yet. Especially considering everything else that had been taking over, what was supposed to be, his birthday. Kyoya's smirk disappeared and was replaced with a genuine smile.
"Now I can say happy birthday without intervening with the results. Happy birthday, love". The last word was said under his breath to avoid receiving unnecessary attention from snooping bystanders. You could never be too careful.
"That's the smoothest way of covering up that you didn't know that it was my birthday I have ever heard", Kaoru sniggered with a painfully obvious blush on his face.
"No, I remembered. I usually don't welcome you the way I did today".
"That's true. Thank you", Kaoru smiled. He almost pointed out how weird it was (in a good way) that someone who wasn't Hikaru wished him a happy birthday. But he decided against it for obvious reasons… or?
His mood faltered somewhat, but he didn't allow it to show. A part of him didn't say that he wasn't used to getting congratulations because he didn't want to come off as someone manipulative who was trying to gather sympathy. He knew psychopaths were manipulative and Henry did previously mention that antisocial personality disorder was considered a mild version of psychopathy. However, he couldn't be relieved that he took a page out of Kyoya's book about not acting on your 'bad thoughts'. The reason was that he had acted in a manipulative manner previously with Hikaru. Kaoru had made a conscious choice while using words to assure his brother that he wouldn't be sharing things so he wouldn't be rightfully called out for informing Kyoya.
The young doctor did notice Kaoru's inner turmoil and eyed him in a way that suggested that he would ask about it later. Kaoru forced a smile and nodded for him to go on with his 'exciting' questions.
"The next question is where you are now. The location", Kyoya specified and cleared his voice.
"On a military base somewhere in America".
"Somewhere?" Kyoya repeated and Kaoru smirked.
"You think someone like me would even try to remember where a place I'm never going to leave is located?"
"Fair enough", Kyoya responded and once again wrote on his notepad. "Next very interesting question is-". Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. "Is… My name. What's your doctor's name… should I be afraid of your answer? That face does not bode well… ".
"Handsome McHandsomeness?"
"Okay, That was pretty tame in comparison to what I expe-".
"Sex God?" Kaoru suggested with a smirk and Kyoya was thankful that the younger male had switched to Japanese now. "Or Mr. Well-hung", he said the last part in English but with such a strong accent so that the Americans who could hear their conversation would think that it was a legitimate Asian name. Kyoya inhaled deeply to collect himself. Not because he was flattered by the horrible names Kaoru gave him, but because he did have a thing for challenges and Kaoru knew that.
"Watch What you say, or I'll make you scream so loud that you won't be able to say anything at all", Kyoya threatened, also in Japanese, with a predatory look in his eyes as we adjusted his glasses in a way he knew would get to the younger male. Kaoru tried to look unbothered with a mischievous look on his face to try to establish that he was still in control, but unfortunately for him his body language and blush betrayed him. The way he subconsciously squirmed in his seat and closed his legs tighter, or the way he submissively bowed his head almost forced Kyoya to restrain himself from continuing to shower him with promises about what he was going to do to him or just straight out walk over to him and take him right there and then. However, intercourse with the excitement of being caught was only appealing when you were sure that the chance of a spectator was slim or if unemployment and a forced breakup weren't a possibility. Kyoya sighed and smirked at Kaoru as he continued.
"I'm writing down the translation of what you said", Kyoya assured, back to English, and Kaoru laughed again; he still looked noticeably hot and bothered. Kyoya thought that he really shouldn't fire if he can't handle fire return. "Only two questions left and then I can check the other things I previously mentioned. What exactly is your purpose on this base".
"To use my powers, and let others utilize them, to go on memory diving missions".
"That's correct. Last question, why are you going through with this treatment?"
"To become a blockade… How many times will I be asked these questions?"
"A couple of times throughout the process", Kyoya answered with his eyes glued to the paper he was writing on. "Not every time we meet. It's supposed to be unpredictable so your answers will be as honest as possible". Kyoya stood up and retrieved his familiar equipment. "Now comes this part. After that we will talk". Kaoru nodded and Kyoya proceeded with doing his job. Kaoru made sure to show how boring the process was and tried to hide his amusement when Kyoya told him to please sit still and follow his instructions.
When he was done, with one last concerned comment about Kaoru needing to eat more as usual despite not checking his weight this time, Kyoya returned his equipment and sat down on the table next to Kaoru.
"So", Kyoya said; he had changed back to Japanese. "We can talk now. What is bothering you?" Kaoru understood that the language change was for the sake of privacy and switched from English as well.
"They are using my powers in the dream serum to target memories… Without my knowledge, before you ask… and I really didn't like what I saw… and you are not going to like what you hear".
"Is it worse than what I read in your files?" Kyoya slowly asked and Kaoru shrugged.
"I don't know. I doubt these particular memories are in the files because they happened long ago and I had forgotten them… partly why I am in distress is because of the fact that I now remembered the second memory I saw".
"Why?"
"Well… ". Kaoru proceeded to recall as many details as he could from the first memory while Kyoya sat there with a horrified look on his otherwise calm face. Despite not liking making the older male worried, it did make him glad to see signs that he cared. Apparently being around uncaring adults for most of your life made you that desperately pathetic (who would have thought?). "And the arms dragged me under the ice and I entered the next memory. But I want to talk about one thing at a time".
"Ice? I thought you were on gravel and snow".
"Are you… are you really asking about dream logic?" Kaoru asked, amused.
"You're right. The arms pulling you underwater is clearly not something to question either". Kyoya chuckled before turning serious. "There are some things I don't understand about the memory. Why was it blurry? What happened in that part?"
"It's blurry because apparently something good happened there. At least that's my theory because I'm only supposed to see the really bad things. It can't be because I just don't remember what happened there. I didn't remember the other things I saw either". However, that explanation only went so far. If the serum really was that nitpicking, he wouldn't have remembered him having fun with Hikaru in the second memory. There was probably more to it but he had no idea where to even start in order to unfold this mess.
"That sounds probable", Kyoya mumbled and Kaoru could tell that he was now going into the questions he really wanted to ask. "What was actually happening in that memory, what was he doing to you?". Kyoya sounded wary and angry, obviously not at Kaoru himself. Kaoru smirked sheepishly at him before looking down at the ground with a deep sigh. This wasn't an easy thing to talk about.
"I believe… that the old man, probably an older relative like a grandfather because I knew that he cared about me-". Kyoya scoffed. "-Was trying to cure me… of my 'zeroness'" Kaoru told Kyoya, who was holding so tightly onto the edge of the table that his knuckles had turned white. "I don't think that I had a detailed memory of this particular instance because there have been so many tries to cure me. Unsuccessful of course".
"What he did was... inhuman", Kyoya said in disbelief.
"It's unfortunately also common", Kaoru said with a sad smile and Kyoya soaked up those words with a revolted expression on his face. "The rise in honor killings in later years is because families either accidentally or not so accidentally kill their zero children. Thinking back, I'm very lucky to be alive". Kyoya was trying his best to look calm and not show that he was fuming. Kaoru knew that Kyoya's protective nature loathed the fact that Kaoru had been through detestable things, but he couldn't help but also suspect that the older male was just as cross with himself. Kyoya didn't use to be indifferent towards zeroes after all, in fact, he used to be quite disgusted with them. Knowing that he acted unfairly towards someone on the same basis others had utilized to severely hurt him couldn't be an easy pill to swallow. At least this is what Kaoru assumed that Kyoya was feeling because it would explain why Kyoya was this angry this early on in the conversation and refused to look Kaoru in the eye. However, Kaoru was not going to bring this up if Kyoya wasn't going to.
"Except for dunking you in water in the middle of the winter", Kyoya muttered with mild indignation in his voice. "What was done in order to 'cure you'?"
Kaoru could hear that a part of him didn't actually want to know and it would be easy to convince Kyoya that this wasn't a good idea. However, because Kaoru had started to be afraid every time he even approached something remotely manipulative, he couldn't do that even if he knew that it would bring Kyoya unnecessary pain. Kaoru was silent for a few seconds, deep in thoughts, to find examples to bring up to his boyfriend. The pained expression on Kyoya's face told that the silence said enough.
"I don't remember every instance because it was so long ago and I didn't count".
"You not being able to count the amount of time you suffered is not a good sign".
"I guess not", Kaoru said with a hollow chuckle before looking up at the ceiling. "I remember being locked in the basement, being sent away from my parents - but I believe that was for different reasons that are related to my zero status, not just to make me… I dunno, ashamed of my powers to try harder to be cured? I'm not sure about the logic used for most of the things they tried on me. Other things I remember were being starved or only fed certain things to receive a negative reaction. I believe I was fed only nuts and water for a day or two once, and another time I was strictly on a diet of dairy products to mess with my… ". Kaoru stopped for a second; that would actually explain why he didn't like milk that much. "... I was also beat, probably, but I'm not sure because I didn't always get things explained to me and was just expected to listen and be… Kyoya?" Kaoru had noticed that Kyoya was unnaturally white in the face and his body was tense. Kaoru smiled reassuringly at him and rested his head on his shoulder. "I am alright now, you know", He assured. "I am away from them now, they can't hurt me anymore". Kaoru wanted to add that they had just wanted to help him (in their incredibly stupid ways) but he knew that wouldn't be received well. That was not what Kyoya needed to hear. "And if they ever try to get to me again, I'll beat their asses", Kaoru resorted to saying instead. "And you wouldn't let them get to me either, right?" Kyoya's head snapped to his direction.
"No, I definitely wouldn't", Kyoya promised while looking straight into Kaoru's eyes. Kaoru gulped at the intensity in the gaze and started to massage Kyoya's back with his hand as he nuzzled his face into his chest. It made Kyoya's eyes falter and he smiled down at Kaoru. He wrapped his arms around the younger boy and kissed the top of his bed. "Yes, I know", Kyoya sighed. "There is nothing I can do about it now, but I just hate to think about what they did to you". This time, Kaoru knew for sure that he saw a hint of guilt in Kyoya's eyes. It confirmed his previous theory about Kyoya being extra enraged because he remembered how he reacted to Kaoru being a zero.
"I understand", Kaoru said. "I would be angry about hearing about you being hurt too, you know". Kaoru swore that he heard how Kyoya's breath hitched. "I know how it is to feel like you should have done something… ".
In silence, they enjoyed each other's company until Kyoya decided to further the conversation. "You had other memories as well?", he stated, but it was more akin to a question.
"Yes, one more memory… the one that bothers me the most… ". Hesitantly, Kaoru started to tell Kyoya about the beach dream. He couldn't look Kyoya in the eyes but he could imagine a myriad of changes of expressions on his face. Or maybe that wasn't the case. Kyoya had proved previously that he was too calm about Kaoru being a murderer before. If Kaoru could recall, it did say murder and or attempted murder in his files… not that he was sure exactly what instance was noted as a murder in the files but that's another story. "And then my heart stopped and I… you know, that part isn't important. This was clearly just made up by my mind", Kaoru dismissed. Mostly because it was a little embarrassing to tell the part about his sand heart. It just sounded very stupid in his opinion. "This was not part of the dream, but I recall going back to the cabin with Hikaru right afterward".
"I can understand why this memory was much more bothersome for you", Kyoya relented before making Kaoru look at his face so he could smile reassuringly at him. "I know what you are beating yourself up for. You didn't have a choice. The boy was panicking too much to be able to think rationally and was pulling you down. You attacking him was, as you said, because you knew that he wouldn't let you go".
"Shouldn't you freak out at least a little?" Kaoru asked in disbelief. "Knowing that I could kill without hesitation or without even remembering it".
"You see that as you being too unbothered to remember, I see it as you trying to forget a horrible situation. And you didn't know the boy that well, he didn't make a huge impact, especially in comparison to things that have happened to you at other occurrences in your life". Kaoru couldn't come up with anything to respond with… except for a certain thing that had been a nuisance in his mind the whole day; a thing a certain annoying doctor had brought up. "So I'm sorry that I, as the man who pins you down easily in my bed, isn't shaking out of fear for my life", Kyoya teased and Kaoru chuckled. "I don't think that Hikaru acted out of line either… unless your plan was to actually murder that kid he pulled down underwater? But consider how surprised you were that he also accidentally left someone behind, I seriously doubt it".
"No, no. The plan was to just scare them off by showing that we weren't people to be reckoned with. The boy who was with us was too scared for us to swim further out in the water. I have never asked Hikaru about exactly what happened because he refused to talk about it. But he didn't have to tell me, I know him. I know how to decipher his actions and I know that he felt an immense amount of guilt. If he still remembers it then he is still feeling guilty. I didn't feel guilty".
"It's because you aren't as emotional as him and you rationalized it in your head that it wasn't your fault because it wasn't. You didn't have a choice… I'm glad to hear that you have always been a survivor, but I'm obviously not glad that you have been forced into these situations. No child deserves this". Kaoru smiled sadly at him and Kyoya pulled him closer for a tighter hug before loosening the grip on him again so they could look at each other. "I can tell that there is still something you haven't brought up. Care to share with the class?" Kaoru laughed while shaking his head. "Am I wrong?"
"No, you're right. The formatting of your words was awfully silly for the situation".
"Thank you. I thought you would appreciate it".
"Oh, I did, thanks", Kaoru assured honestly as Kyoya smirked at him before his smile dropped. "It's just that… I don't really know how to bring this up because I don't know where to begin but… what do you know about antisocial personality disorder?" Kyoya raised an eyebrow at him in confusion; not because of the question itself but because he didn't understand what the question stemmed from. "Apparently that's something they considered to diagnose me with-".
"Well, they did discuss several diagnoses in order to decide how they should handle you. But they discovered that they couldn't find a diagnosis that could explain your behavior and realized that all you needed to calm down and listen was to feel a sense of belonging and be taught right from wrong", Kyoya explained while staring straight ahead with a frown that indicated that he was trying to think hard to recall the things he had read.
"Oh, that's right! Kyoya has read my files pretty recently! He has more insight… but the way he explains this is very different from how Henry explained it… ".
"Can you tell me more about what they wrote?" Kaoru begged while grabbing onto Kyoya's upper arms in desperation that startled the older male; it hadn't quite registered in Kyoya's mind beforehand exactly how worked up Kaoru was over this subject. That was an honest mistake on his part (he thought). "Exactly why didn't they give me that diagnosis?"
"Kaoru. What exactly do you know about this particular diagnosis?" Kyoya calmly asked while loosening the grip Kaoru had on him without removing his hands fully. It wasn't that it hurt but it wasn't particularly comfortable.
"Well… ". It was now he realized that he actually didn't know much. Until now, he had just assumed things or applied the most popular characteristics of psychopathy on himself (what else?). "Ehm… I've heard that it's a… mild version of psychopathy?" Kaoru shyly recalled, but it came out as an embarrassing question.
"You think you are… you think you are a psychopath?" Kyoya asked; he was half in disbelief and half-amused. Kaoru could tell and his own cheeks turned red out of anger and embarrassment this time around. He pushed away but Kyoya kept him in close proximity by wrapping his arms loosely around his waist.
"It sounds stupid when you say it out loud like that", Kaoru mumbled while looking away.
"Have you thought about this for a long time?" Kyoya sympathetically asked.
"No, just today".
"Then I'm relieved that I can put those bad thoughts of yours to rest early on".
"I have always been indecisive about whether I am a good person or not… ".
"To which I think there is an obvious answer to, but I can understand where your insecurities stem from. However, this is on a whole other level. Look at me". Kaoru reluctantly turned back to face Kyoya's stern look. "They never seriously considered setting that diagnosis, not more than they have considered giving it to Hikaru". That made Kaoru's ears perk up in interest. "They saw that you two had issues following authority, didn't connect with your peers and were violent. But they concluded that you, quite understandably, saw them as the enemy". Kaoru stared at him; he was not able to believe what he was hearing. This was not how Henry had made it sound like, not at all.
"So… they didn't explain it away by me being a zero?" Kaoru asked to make sure. "Because zeroes have been considered akin to psychopaths before?" Kyoya frowned at him.
"No. Your zero status isn't mentioned in that part of the journal", he answered hesitantly. "If you don't believe me then you should really update yourself. But I promise that they discussed this diagnosis as much as they discussed other diagnoses. Including an eating disorder because you didn't trust the food the enemy gave you. It was merely a suggestion". Kyoya unwrapped one arm from Kaoru's waist and put his hand gently under his chin to hold his head in place. "Trust me when I say that you care too much about other people to be what you suspect you are. You have remorse as well. You felt bad about lying to me about not being a zero. You care so much about Hikaru that you neglect your own mental well-being. You think I deserve better because of the things life has forced you to go through. But as I said, if you don't believe me then you can read through your file yourself". Kaoru felt extremely relieved. There was a chance that Kyoya was lying but Kaoru seriously doubted that considering how much more thorough Kyoya was when he explained what the file was saying and because Kyoya was actively encouraging him to look for himself. "Where did these thoughts even come from?"
"Huh?" Kaoru said, a little taken aback by the sudden question. His mind hasn't quite switched from the relief he was currently feeling.
"I apologize for the unclarity, I mean why are the words antisocial personality even in your vocabulary all of sudden? You have clearly not read your file and therefore couldn't have gotten this from there. Did someone say something to you?" Kyoya asked despite looking like he already knew the answer. "I doubt that you happened to find it in a book somewhere and decided that it could be applied to you… even if some do start to believe they have the disorders they read about. Popular phenomenon within the medical- and the psychological field ".
"You are correct as usual", Kaoru chuckled. "It was this doctor, Henry, who was one of the people monitoring me when I was going through the treatment. He showed that he had good knowledge of things so I took his word for it when he strongly hinted that they only refused to diagnose me with antisocial personality disorder because I'm a zero". Kyoya looked resentful when he heard about the man who did this to Kaoru.
"That sounds highly unprofessional", Kyoya remarked coldly. "I can see how bringing up your history of mental health is important but the file clearly says that the only things they seriously considered diagnosing were your anger issues, but they didn't even go that route because you became complicit pretty quickly. Children are easy to mold. He should have been truthful and explained things thoroughly if he had to bring anything up".
"He was a pretty weird man", Kaoru added. "Always smiled, he was pretty condescending… and he did give me this weird vibe". After realizing that Henry had deliberately been dishonest, talking badly about him felt more than justified. Kyoya looked thoughtful for a second.
"I feel like I need to ask around about him. If he has anything against zeroes or something in a similar fashion, I believe you deserve to know".
"If you're not dragging too much attention to yourself and it's not too much trouble… ".
"It isn't too much trouble, don't worry. I am just looking out for my precious patient". Kaoru sniggered at his words. "Are you feeling better now?"
"I am actually. Thanks", Kaoru beamed and pecked Kyoya on the lips. "I'm glad we talked about this before I worried myself to death… but maybe that was Henry's intent. I am supposed to not feel good during or after the treatment after all. Maybe he was just doing his job efficiently?" Kaoru suggested but Kyoya remained skeptical.
"It isn't part of the treatment. It could be what you said, yes. But I still want to ask about him".
"That sounds fair", Kaoru smiled. "Do you want to hang out later? … oh, sorry!" Kaoru jokingly exclaimed and made the proper sign. Kyoya laughed at his silliness.
"Yes, but I don't think I'll be able to 'be too active'", Kyoya warned. "Because I have a lot to do in order to be allowed to visit Tamaki this weekend with this increased workload".
"It's fine, I can just sleep over. I'm pretty tired anyway", Kaoru assured. "So you're going to leave the base for once? Don't you come from Japan? Wouldn't a weekend be a too short amount of time to travel from America?"
"Tamaki is coming to America for business pretty often and he would drop everything to come and see me now when I finally leave my cave".
"How is he able to manage a company if he does things like that?"
"With a lot of help from me", Kyoya said, closed his eyes, and sighed as Kaoru chuckled. "But it still partly remains a mystery even to me".
"What are you two going to do when you meet up again?"
"I am not sure… I mean, I would prefer to eat at a restaurant or take one drink. But knowing him, it's not going to be that easy. He might drag me to an amusement park… in that case, I hope he at least brings his fiancée so I can get a break".
"Fiancée?" Kaoru repeated and Kyoya chuckled.
"First you are surprised that he can handle his own company and now you're surprised that he managed to find a girl who wants to marry him? It seems like I haven't done a good job at conveying his good side", Kyoya commented, but not apologetically.
"No you haven't", Kaoru said and stuck his tongue out. "And I doubt you would change that".
"I really won't. You just have to trust me when I say that I enjoy his company… Anyway, back to the subject of me leaving for the weekend. Can-". Kyoya was just about to ask if he could take a picture of Kaoru that he could show Tamaki (and keep to himself) but that sounded too risky. They searched thoroughly through his things when he arrived at the base and they would certainly do that when he left for a few days. He couldn't email the picture or send it via text either because he would need the base's internet, which was monitored. The emails themselves also had to go through another person before they were sent out as well. This was a small bump on the road but it still bummed him out that he couldn't have pictures of his own boyfriend.
"Can?" Kaoru asked with a frown. Kyoya quickly let a smirk play over his face to disguise his thoughts.
"Can you be without me for that long?" Kyoya teased and Kaoru scoffed.
"I'm not that needy. If anything, you will be the one to be unable to be without me", Kaoru shot back and Kyoya refused to show that he was correct. Kaoru smiled. "So I'll come over later?"
"Yes", Kyoya smiled before detaching himself and switching back to English. "So as you see, a balanced diet is important with training".
"I know I need to eat more! Don't worry about it! Are we done here now?"
"Yes, we'll see each other once more before I leave for my short vacation", Kyoya said as he walked over to his chair and plopped himself down. Obviously, they would meet up more than once but possible bystanders didn't need to hear about that. Kaoru smiled at him and jumped off the table, rubbing his sore behind when his feet were planted on the ground.
"This table really is uncomfortable… ".
"Yes, I will try to find a chair for you eventually", Kyoya sighed with a small smirk. "Can't promise you that it will be much more comfortable, unfortunately".
"Yeah I know. Still, it would be nice to have my feet on the ground while I'm here. The table is too high up for me".
"I can see that. The height of the table has always confused me", Kyoya admitted while scratching an itch on his throat. "Did previous doctors have to lift you in order to help you up on the table when you were a child?"
"After they were tired of watching me fail while trying to get up on the table myself, yes", Kaoru responded while rubbing his neck with a small chuckle. Kyoya couldn't help but let out a little laugh as well. "Only one doctor thought about bringing something to step on… and that doctor was Hikaru's, no one else bothered".
"At least he had a doctor with a few brain cells", Kyoya joked.
"Yeah, and damn good patience as well. Has been his doctor for many years now". Kyoya crooked one of his brows.
"Shinohara?" Kaoru thought for a second to see if he could place the name before he hesitantly nodded.
"Yeah. The man is a saint. Hikaru's longest staying doctor. Could almost think that he genuinely cared about my brother".
"You don't think he does?"
"No, he is just really invested in his work. You don't believe he cares either".
"Those thoughts have never crossed my mind, no", Kyoya confirmed. "We'll talk later". Kaoru smiled.
"Yeah. See you later doctor", Kaoru purred the last part and left. Kyoya sighed and turned around in his chair to write some more relevant notes on his notepad.
He hadn't lied about anything he told Kaoru, but this still wasn't easy for him. The things Kaoru had done in the past were a non issue for Kyoya; hearing about what kind of things Kaoru had to relive, however. This Henry guy was no help at all. It really grated on Kyoya how much pain that doctor's manipulative words could have caused Kaoru's impressionable mind if Kyoya hadn't set things straight right away, even if Kaoru was, as proclaimed by Kyoya before, a survivor who was also strong. However, Kaoru was still susceptible to everything that merely suggested that he was a horrible person. Which wasn't the younger boy's fault by any means of course; he had been told he was bad and been treated like he was bad for most of his life (if not his whole life).
A knock on the doorway made Kyoya jump slightly in surprise. His head snapped up and saw the familiar face of his, not so serious, coworker's curiosity. Kyoya sighed with his hand over his heart. He had most likely overreacted when he was caught off guard this time, but he was always worried about being found out when he was talking to Kaoru.
"I see that you're finally off", Rosengard smiled and stalked over to the table.
Being a pretty short male, Kyoya watched him try to get up on it for five minutes straight with mild amusement. Rosengard eventually backed away before running towards it and jumping. He let out a small pained sound when his chest landed on the hard surface but at least he managed to drag himself up and sat down cross-legged while breathing like he had just climbed a mountain.
"Are you alright?" Kyoya asked sarcastically with a chortle.
"I should just have stood up", Rosengard groaned. "You were right about the tables, I have put my patients through misery… but it was quite funny to behold from an observer's point of view. I hope you enjoyed watching me".
"When have you and I ever talked about the examination tables?" Kyoya asked while putting away the papers he had just filled in throughout his meeting with Kaoru in the proper folder. Rosengard laughed nervously while rubbing his neck; he was temporarily avoiding Kyoya's eyes as well.
"We haven't. I overheard you talking with your patient… I didn't eavesdrop! No doors and my cubicle is literally next to yours. I spaced out for most of it because I had other things to do. I only really heard the last part because I was actively waiting for you to be done after Shinohara said that he was too busy to talk to me… speaking off, why were you speaking… Japanese?" The last word came out slightly more high-pitched, which really showed how unsure he was of his own words. Kyoya raised his eyebrow with an amused chuckle. He knew that Rosengard was trying to change the subject but Kyoya didn't mind and decided to humor him instead.
"You have already forgotten where I come from?" Kyoya teasingly asked. Rosengard, who most likely assumed that Kyoya was accusing him of being racist started to sputter out something incoherent until Kyoya cut him off. "It really isn't that big of an offense. It's just curious that you forgot something we have mentioned previously".
"It's not like we talk about your nationality constantly!" Rosengard cried. "I could at least guess with some level of certainty. You probably don't even know that English is my second language too… yes, I was right", he smirked.
The look on Kyoya's face told everything he needed to know; Kyoya honestly had no knowledge about this before. He couldn't recall them ever talking about it but he had to admit that, despite Kyoya not being very knowledgeable about common American names, Rosengard did sound a tad bit foreign.
"I must confess that I didn't", Kyoya said as straight-faced as possible so Rosengard wouldn't be unnecessarily satisfied and smug. However, Rosengard didn't look that smug.
"Have I lost my accent?" Rosengard asked, sounding more panicked than expected. Kyoya got the impression that the other male had some hint of patriotism and Kyoya couldn't fault him. The shorter male had probably not been in his home country for a long time.
"You have an accent. But I just assumed it was from another part of America. I'm not exactly an expert on accents from America or Europe".
"And I'm not an expert on Asian or American accents either. So let's call this a draw". Rosengard smiled. "But back to the subject. Why did you speak Japanese with Kaoru? Did you realize that I was bored and waiting for you to be ready to play?"
"No, you are silent when you actually want to be. Who would have thought?" Kyoya said mockingly to give himself a few seconds to come up with a good excuse. Rosengard murmured something about him not talking nearly as much as they all claimed he was. "But, as you might have heard, Kaoru is becoming a blockade and he and I need to have a good bond through this. Us speaking in our native language endorses his trust for me". Rosengard was chuckling while shaking his head.
"Our Otori, such a workaholic", Rosengard mused and Kyoya felt pride over his convincing lie. "You and Shinohara both. But maybe that's the trick to be able to stay here so long with the same patient".
"Haven't you been here for quite a while as well?"
"Sure, but definitely not with the same patient. I have unfortunately gotten mostly boys from the first generation during my time here… and you know what eventually happens to them", Rosengard said with a sad smile and Kyoya was taken aback by the genuine sadness in his face. It disappeared quickly, but Kyoya knew Rosengard wasn't someone who liked to talk about his feelings; at least not to people he wasn't very close to. Maybe that would change after he had been broken down by the dysfunctional marriage he was planning on entering. Kyoya really didn't want to think about that so he wouldn't bring it up…. but there was something he did want to bring up.
"Do you know anything about a man named Henry who is working at the department responsible for the dream transactions?" He knew that this was a shot in the dark. In fact, it would actually surprise Kyoya if the man knew anything at all, but he had to start off somewhere.
Rosengard looked up at the ceiling while looking like he was concentrating on something; he was searching through his memory. "I'm asking because he was weird around my patient and I want to see if it's going to be a problem or not", Kyoya quickly added for context.
"I can't say that I have heard about him before. I really don't pay much attention to other departments", Rosengard responded with an apologetic smile on his face. "But I can definitely help you to ask around. Wouldn't want some random doctor to interfere with an important mission".
"That would be much appreciated", Kyoya smiled appreciatively. "You are more social than I".
"That I am. You should be glad that you have me as your amazing coworker… aw, dammit. I need to go back to work", Rosengard groaned while looking at the clock on the wall like it had just offended his dad and left with his mother. "Well, thanks for helping me procrastinate for a minute". Rosengard jumped off the table; it went more smoothly than it did for him to get up there.
"You are skipping out on work? Why does this fact not surprise me?" Kyoya asked with a small smirk, teasing on his lips.
"I said I was an amazing coworker, not an amazing worker", Rosengard said dismissively as he left the cubicle.
Hikaru hadn't left the room since Kaoru went to Kyoya. He couldn't. It was highly encouraged for the Boys to be in the common room as much as possible to avoid isolation, but he couldn't bring himself to go there. Was he showing even more red flags to the others? Probably, but he didn't care. He had enough self-awareness to see that he was making Kaoru worried and alerted other people, but he disagreed with the big reaction he received. Yes, he was angrier than before and less social, but that was it (in his opinion).
"I am just seeing things clearer than before", he thought.
Maybe that wasn't the complete truth even for Hikaru. The older twin had caught himself acting selfishly on multiple occasions; trying to get his way despite the harm it could bring to (mostly) Kaoru. But he did hold himself back. A part of his mind wanted him to tell Duncan off for being a creep towards his brother… and another part of him wanted Duncan to take Kaoru away from Kyoya before Hikaru could tell him off. Duncan would be easy to manipulate, unlike Kyoya. Hikaru could make Kaoru give up on relationships through Duncan, at least he could try to… but Kaoru wasn't stupid, he would see through him and no matter what people said, Hikaru knew that Kyoya was mental enough to not be able to let Kaoru go. It was getting on his nerves, how close those two were with each other. It became less and less manageable, especially now when Kaoru had started to sleep over.
Hikaru hated being alone, and sleeping alone was the worst feeling. Too much time in his loneliness was spent theorizing about people's motives when it came to Kaoru. He didn't think of himself as paranoid, because expecting the worst of people could be a lifesaver. So many 'good people' had turned bad so Hikaru felt justified in his thoughts and actions. To an extent at least. He wanted Kaoru to be happy after all (even if it was with that asshole). However, his patience was wearing thin.
"I need to calm down. Kyoya is going to mess up eventually and I'll be there for Kaoru when it happens. I just need to wait… I just need to wait".
It was easier said than done, especially considering the circumstances. Hikaru was supportive of Kaoru becoming a blockade, he actually was. However, he still didn't like everything Kaoru had to be put through. And he just knew that Kyoya would make it worse. Kyoya couldn't possibly understand the situation and eventually, he would mess it up… Hikaru refused to be the one to mess this up… he would make sure that he wasn't the one to mess it up...
Kyoya woke up with a gasp and looked around the room to make sure that he was safe. Despite his vision being blurry from the lack of glasses, he still concluded that he wasn't in any danger and lied back down again. His breathing was labored and his bangs were mattered to his forehead, thanks to the huge amount of sweat he had produced during his uneasy sleep. Even though he had been suffering from nightmares for quite a while now, they hadn't been this bad and he hadn't woken up from them this violently since he was a child. That fact worried him because he was under the impression that things were slowly getting better now when he had cut every toxic tie he had left to the outside world.
Kyoya immediately panicked and when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The hand quickly retracted and he turned towards the direction it came from. The look in his eyes softened when he saw that it was just Kaoru. Said boy looked both exhausted and worried at the same time; the two feelings were combating inside of his head and only time could tell which one would come out on top.
"Did I wake you up?" Kyoya asked sympathetically with his husky morning voice. Kaoru smiled tiredly at him.
"It's alright, I had a weird dream anyway. I was playing chess, fucking boring if you ask me", Kaoru scoffed and Kyoya laughter quietly at him before the younger boy's expression turned into an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched you without asking but it hadn't registered in my mind that you were fully awake and panicked. Usually, you calm down if I cuddle up to you. Sorry", Kaoru apologized again and forced back a yawn.
"Don't apologize… you comfort me in my sleep?... No, don't look ashamed. I am not angry at you for it. Nothing like that", Kyoya assured when he saw the change of expression on the younger ones face.
"Yes… I have. I didn't want you to get restless sleep so I have done my best to calm you down every time you have a nightmare", Kaoru murmured while avoiding his eyes. "I usually ask for your permission when I touch you out of the blue but I just… ".
"Hey, hey. I told you I wasn't mad about it, didn't I?" Kyoya put his fingers under Kaoru's chin and made him look at him again. "You are refraining from moving closer now in fear of breaking my boundaries, aren't you?" Kyoya asked and Kaoru was lucky that the darkness of the room was hiding his blush.
Kyoya smiled warmly at him and scooted over closer. He wrapped his arm around Kaoru's, who hesitantly wrapped his own arm around him in return. Kaoru smiled up at him before placing his head on his chest; the calm beating of his heart felt like the sweetest lullaby for his tired mind.
Kyoya sighed with a smile and said: "I thought I did sleep better with you here. I knew that I slept worse alone, but I can't believe that you stayed awake to calm me down every time".
"I'm glad that I'm a little better than the usual human teddy bear you sleep with", Kaoru teased. "But yeah, of course. How are you feeling now?"
"I'm feeling much better", Kyoya yawned. "Thank you. Try to go back to sleep now". Kaoru nodded, yawned and closed his eyes.
His soft snoring could be heard a couple of minutes later. Kyoya was becoming increasingly tired as well but couldn't stop looking at the younger male with a fond look in his eyes. He couldn't believe how this person was ever under the assumption that he was lacking empathy. Kyoya knew that he probably didn't deserve him but he also knew that he couldn't leave him.
"Maybe I can deserve him one day as well".
Kaoru was immediately more comfortable with the three doctors in charge of the pain simulator. They were strictly professional; they gave their names without a care if Kaoru remembered them or not, didn't smile much and went straight into business. This is what Kaoru was used to, this is what Kaoru trusted.
The room was quite different from the lab-like setting in the room he went through the dream treatment in. It was obvious that this particular pain simulator was used on prisoners as well, as opposed to being specially built for people in Kaoru's situation. The room was small, the walls, ceiling and floor were heavily padded with a comfortable thick black material that dented ever so slightly by the pressure of Kaoru's and the doctors' feet. The dent immediately went away when Kaoru lifted his right bare foot to see what would happen. In the middle of the room was a huge shiny black pod with dark blue glass on top of it (the door to the pod). Narrowing his eyes to try to see better, Kaoru could see a chair that was tilted backward inside of the pod. This looked so much worse than being restrained in the dentist's chair earlier this week. The only part of the room that wasn't black (or blue) was a huge mirror on the wall in front of the pod on the opposite side of the door. No doubt in Kaoru's mind that this was a two-way mirror.
"I know this looks intimidating", one of the doctors said to Kaoru with a burly voice. Kaoru turned to look at him. "I'm not going to sugarcoat things, this will be horrible for you even if we take on more precautions than we would have for someone else. But we will monitor you closely and bring you out if we feel like it's needed".
"As long as I can trust you keeping me safe when you torture me, I'll be good", Kaoru assured jokingly.
The corners of the mouth of the doctor speaking to Kaoru twitched up slightly. Kaoru also thought that he saw some relief in his eyes, most likely caused by Kaoru not asking stupid questions about, for example, how much it would hurt. The two other doctors reacted differently. Or one of them didn't react at all and remained indifferent, suggesting that he hadn't bothered to listen to what Kaoru had said (which was fair. He wasn't paid to handle annoying teenagers). The other doctor's face clearly showed bemusement at Kaoru's comment, but he didn't care. That man knew what he was partaking in.
They brought him over to the pod and the glass door on top of it opened (Kaoru assumed that the control panel was on the other side of the mirror, which proved to him even more that this was also used for the prisoners). Kaoru also noticed two identical stickers; one on the mirror and one on the glass of the pod. He looked closer at the one on the pod and saw that it was a label that said that the glass was bulletproof.
"I know this looks scary", the previously indifferent doctor commented… still looking indifferent and Kaoru finally looked inside of the pod. It had more restraints and Kaoru's eyes widened when he saw the needles next to the wrist restraints and the one behind the hole in the neck rest. "We usually bring people in unconscious or almost unconscious. But letting you see the process was apparently considered merciful".
"Well, I do appreciate seeing what I'm being put through", Kaoru said with a nervous chuckle. "So this serum has to be injected?"
"Exactly. Constantly and from different directions at once as well", the first doctor who talked to him previously confirmed. "It will hurt, but then again, that's why you are here".
"Yeah, that's true. I'm however surprised that I don't have to drink the potion. But I'm not complaining that I don't have to sit and drink the liquid the whole session. You know, if it even was possible… Is it? is it still possible to drink it or is it only injectable?" Kaoru asked.
The previously bemused doctor was helping him into the pod and down on the uncomfortable chair. The strong smell of disinfectant hit him almost immediately and it gave him a small headache. Annoying, but Kaoru was thankful that they cleaned this thing. At least cleaned it for him.
"Do you mean if it's bad to ingest it orally or not?" The doctor asked and Kaoru tried not to comment on the word choices. "It is possible but usually too painful to swallow. This serum was surprisingly easy to replicate without the zero's DNA but retracting it from him or her was not an easy feat. Allegedly, it's not really my job to know", the previously bemused doctor said while putting over two belts on a cross over Kaoru's torso. "But I believe it's safe to say that not all zero powers can be utilized the same way".
"Yeah", Kaoru sighed as they tied down his hands, thighs, ankles and head. It was more uncomfortable and restrictive than before (he could barely feel his hands because they had to be still enough for the needles) but he wasn't freaking out at least. He hissed as they put in the thick needles in his arms and thighs (he hadn't noticed the latter needles before because they were more hidden) before securing them with pieces of strong tape. It was manageable at least, even if the pain didn't subside much. Kaoru was more worried about the needle that would go into his neck.
"We will close the pod and leave the room. Don't worry, you will definitely get a warning before the process starts and this pod has a very well functioning ventilation system. So you don't have to worry about not receiving enough air".
"Sounds good. Just one last question… I am fully aware of the fact that I'll probably not be able to tell time during this, but how long is the session?" Kaoru decided to ask even if it felt kind of pointless. Maybe he was trying to postpone this a little more? He was more nervous than he would have liked to.
"Only ten minutes, but we will successively increase the time as well as crank up the pain levels later. We want to give you a softer start. It would work better for the long term effects of the treatment".
"Okay, thanks", Kaoru said with a forced smile to hide how nervous he was. If the other doctors noticed his fake bravado, they didn't comment on it.
The glass door was slowly closing as the doctors left the room. The air condition in the pod immediately switched on when it was closed all the way. Kaoru breathes in and out slowly and deeply in order to calm his nerves and successively rapidly beating heart. Fun fact, being warned about being hurt doesn't make things easier. Kaoru could even argue that it made it worse because now he would be in pain and incredibly anxious.
Kaoru jumped in surprise when a voice boomed through unknown speakers. "We are going to start sending out the serum in your bloodstream shortly". Kaoru couldn't really move his head to look for the speakers but he assumed that they were in the corners of the ceiling. "You will feel like it burns but as long as you don't see a physical reaction to the serum, you shouldn't worry. You might see some temporary discoloration on the skin but that's not out of the ordinary", the voice warned.
Not long after, Kaoru started to feel said burning sensation. At first, it was manageable but it rapidly increased until he started to wonder if they were just injecting him with scalding hot water (or maybe they decided to be a little funny and used hot coffee instead). However, the yellow patches of skin around the area of the needle, that was growing along with the pierced veins, was proof enough that they gave him the right stuff. He gritted his teeth and let out a hiss of pain now and again but otherwise, he managed to remain silent (and he was proud of himself for it).
The yellow patches now turned into a pattern that looked like tree roots and the color was slowly changing from sickly yellow to a pale brown. At first, the pain subsided and Kaoru was just about to look up at the doctors with an inquiring look when the pain really started to set in. It arrived so suddenly that his lower body was trying to fly up from the chair but remained tightly restrained. This pain was quite different from the burning; this time it felt like he was being electrocuted. He closed his eyes and let out a groan every now and again during the fluctuating pain waves. Being burned and electrocuted at the same time, so far, wasn't enough to make him scream but it became increasingly more difficult to ignore. Despite knowing that the pain was deliberate and that he consented to it, he still breathed deeply to try to ease the burden. It was definitely an automatic response and Kaoru assumed that the people in charge would have taken this into account so he didn't feel pressured to stop trying to make this hurt less.
He yelped in surprise with a small outdrawn whine leaving his lips when he felt his neck burning. Not long after, his whole body was on fire; not like someone had forced him into a giant oven but instead like he was boiled alive. His whole body spasmed with regular intervals and a part of Kaoru started to wonder if this was actually a serum and not them setting the pod on fire. He realized that he was digging his nails into his palms and immediately unfolded his hands and grabbed the armrests harshly instead. Kaoru also tried to not bite down so hard and was instantly worried about the fact that they hadn't thought about putting something in his mouth like Henry and Thomas had done earlier that week. He hoped that it was a conscious choice because they knew that he didn't need to use anything the first session… because he would rather believe that they wouldn't want him to accidentally bite off his tongue. He sure didn't want that to happen.
The pain increased and his whole body tensed up. He wasn't screaming yet but he was letting out choked sounds and he had to blink rapidly to keep the tears at bay. Those doctors could still see him so he refused to come off as a crybaby (this early on) in front of them. The spasms that went through his body caused even more pain; his muscles were aching and his chest and stomach were starting to complain as well. At least Kaoru assumed that it was from the spasms, but they could very well be a product of the serum. It was quite difficult to tell at this point.
Eventually, the pain started to slowly subside and Kaoru felt so much relief. "We are now finishing session one, only stage one. The practice session", the voice from the speakers announced. "We will come in and help you out. Some of the pain might stay for a couple of hours because the serum needs time to exit your system. It will be quite slight, however. You will be monitored in the hospital bay through the night to make sure that the serum has passed the way it should. Do not worry, this is protocol. We are just taking every precaution we can for your safety".
The glass door opened and Kaoru immediately felt colder, like his body warmth and sweat had made the pod into a small sauna, despite the 'well-functioning ventilation system'. He was still breathing heavily, but this time it was partly so he could get newer, colder, air into his lungs to try to soothe the pain. It only helped for a few seconds every time he inhaled, but the air soon didn't feel so cold anymore when his body temperature adjusted to it.
The door to the room opened and the three doctors from before stalked over to him. "We are going to remove the needles first so you need to relax", one of them said and Kaoru really tried to oblige but he was still in pain, especially where the needles were embedded into his flesh. Kaoru had a hard time telling the doctors apart because they still had face masks on and his mind was too busy to concentrate on their voices, but he assumed that it was the nicer one of them from before who held a bottle of water to his lips. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was until he gulped that liquid down like it was the sweetest juice he had ever tasted. The doctor chuckled and removed the bottle before Kaoru would accidentally choke to death. Feeling refreshed, it was a bit easier to relax and they could remove the tape and needles from his arms and thighs without too much pain. They put bandaids on the small holes in his skin and he winced and accidentally tensed up when the needle in his neck was quickly pulled out. It made his whole neck hurt and one of the doctors sent an annoyed glare towards the mirror before smiling rather apologetically towards Kaoru.
"I'm sorry, we had intended to warn you beforehand but the new guy hasn't learned that we sign to him when it needs to be taken out. He just apparently assumes that it's the first thing we tell you when we come here", the doctor said passive-aggressively and Kaoru forced a smile to show that it was alright.
They put a bandaid on his neck as well (Kaoru did not look forward to the free waxing it would bring him when he removed it later) and removed the restraints. Kaoru started to move his limbs as soon as they were free; spinning his hands, lifting his thighs, stretching his legs and moving his head from side to side to test how it felt and make sure that no limb was asleep. Nothing asleep, but he was still feeling like shit. His hands were shaking and he still thought that his body was spasming even though he didn't feel like he was being electrocuted anymore.
"Stay down", one doctor said, thinking that Kaoru moving meant that he was trying to leave. "Sit down for a few minutes and drink more water". Kaoru was given the water bottle and almost dropped it because of his weak limbs. He took some sips from time to time but wasn't as thirsty anymore and it just tasted like regular bottled water now.
"Is your chest hurting? Like your heart?" The doctor asked while he was leaning over Kaoru, putting a stethoscope on his chest after making him sit up as straight as possible in the tilted chair.
"Nnn…. no, only my chest muscles are aching. I tensed up pretty much", Kaoru slurred somewhat. It was a little hard to make the words leave his tired mouth but apparently, they were audible enough to be received without any issues.
"That's normal. We need to keep a close eye on your heart. It's not quite the part of you we want to put a strain on". The doctor removed the stethoscope when he was satisfied with the answer and stood up straight. "We are going to help you to the hospital wing. Your brother has been made aware of the fact that you won't return to your room".
Even if Kaoru was glad that Hikaru was told about this, he would have strongly preferred to be the one doing it. If this happening was mentioned in the instructions Kyoya had given him previously then he must have missed it. Otherwise, he would definitely have told Hikaru that we would be gone for the night. Two of the doctors helped Kaoru climb clumsily out of the pod and he truly realized how weak his legs were when his feet hit the black padding on the ground. In fact, his legs gave in at first and the doctors had to literally carry his whole body weight for the first couple of seconds. Kaoru wasn't sure if this happened because of the pain that was still present or if it was a side effect of the serum because the amount of pain shouldn't be too much for him to be so weak.
"I… I think I'm alright now… to stand at least… please don't let go of me", Kaoru pleaded after trying to take a step. The doctors tried to stifle their laughter. Kaoru was glad that they assumed that he was joking because they would otherwise find him pathetic.
"Do you want me to hold your bottle?" The doctor, who wasn't a part of his human canes, asked and Kaoru nodded before handing his water bottle over to him. "We'll leave then".
And with that, they started to lead Kaoru out of the room and in the direction of the hospital wing. It had never been this agonizing and tiresome to walk through the base before. But then again, Kaoru was never really up and walking in the first place when he felt sick like this.
When the doctors laid the exhausted boy down on the bed, Kaoru swore that he heard one of them mutter about them needing to remember to bring the wheelchair next time. It would have been amusing if it wasn't for the fact that these guys were in charge of this treatment. Henry might have been a lying asshole but at least he knew what he was doing, and that made Kaoru feel at least a little safe in his care. But this time they had not just forgotten the wheelchair, they had also forgotten the mouth gag to keep him from hurting himself (without an explanation) and pulled out a needle from a vital spot without forewarning. Yes, Kaoru was fully aware of the fact that they weren't used to treating people from the base, but that shouldn't mean that they could discard common sense or human decency.
The three doctors from the treatment left pretty quickly (almost forgetting to leave the water bottle behind on the nightstand) and another doctor came to talk to him. This one was actually real because he was a part of the hospital wing and was instead actually working to get rid of pain rather than inflicting it. Which was a nice change, mostly because Kaoru knew this man wouldn't make stupid mistakes like the others committed earlier.
"Hi Kaoru, I'm Doctor Daniels. I'm going to monitor you tonight to make sure that the serum is passing through smoothly".
"How is the serum supposed to pass anyway?" Kaoru asked. His eyes were closed and he clutched the flat pillow underneath his head tightly. Despite how tired he was, he knew that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep for a while because of the pain still lingering in his body.
"It passes with your other bodily fluids", Daniels smiled.
"So… I'm going to pee and sweat a lot?" Kaoru asked with an annoyed sigh.
"Well, It does make sense when you think about it".
"I suggest you drink a lot of water, Kaoru", Daniels said with an apologetic smile. Kaoru also thought that he saw a hint of amusement at Kaoru's comment and he couldn't really blame the guy for finding this situation funny. "We will also raise the temperature in the room… a shower will be ready for you in the morning of course".
"Sounds great", Kaoru said with a tired smile before he suddenly realized something. "Ehm... doctor… not that I don't appreciate your company, but isn't my personal doctor supposed to monitor me through this process? Did something happen to him?" Kaoru asked, worried, and his eyes were now wide open. He was about to sit up but Daniels' reassuring smile kept him in place and Kaoru sighed in relief.
"Don't worry about doctor Otori. He is fine as far as I'm aware. He wanted to be here but unfortunately, he isn't qualified to work with a patient under the influence of this kind of serum when it isn't working as it should. One night should be enough to determine if you have a bad reaction to it so he'll be with you next time around. It's like an allergy test".
"Exactly how… does one react when the serum isn't working as it should?" Kaoru hesitantly asked.
He hadn't actually thought about this before because if you had to take a serum you just took it and if bad things happened they happened. However, now when he apparently wasn't able to have his boyfriend around him during a horrible night (instead of Hikaru), he wondered exactly how bad it could be with Kyoya watching over him. If he could have it his way he would have wanted both Hikaru and Kyoya there. He understood that Hikaru couldn't visit as an outsider but Kyoya was a doctor, so he should be qualified. In fact, Kyoya had been considered qualified to monitor him after the first treatment. How big was the difference?
"It depends on the serum", Daniels responded, understanding that the younger male had his concerns even if he wasn't aware of the whole story. "With your serum that is made from your powers, for example, a bad reaction could be unconsciousness for a couple of days after a one-time use and a short coma with possible brain damage after several times of use… happens very rarely and an individual discontinues the usage of the serum after one try if the bad side effects occur", Daniels assured after seeing Kaoru's concerned and slightly panicked expression.
The fact still remained that at least one poor soul out there had suffered brain damage, so Kaoru couldn't let the subject pass through his mind. Yes, he was aware that he couldn't possibly blame himself for this, but he couldn't help but feel some hint of responsibility because it was his abilities. He would also have liked to add that his serum still caused long time effects despite no initial bad reaction; insanity.
"The serum you have injected earlier this evening has its own, debatable worse, side effects. Trying the serum one time, a bad reaction to it could be lasting pain and discoloration of the entire skin, nails and eyes. Which needs to be treated immediately. Several tries despite receiving the bad effects or not treating the initial symptoms can cause damage to the organs, including the skin, as well as eyes and nail growth. That's why we will monitor you closely until you are ready to leave in the morning… but I must ask, weren't you informed of this previously?"
"No… ", Kaoru answered honestly and breathlessly.
This new information made him very worried about his own health, so he was a little angry at his superiors for not including telling him the possible side effects of this treatment, or including them in the papers he received from Kyoya. On one end he was thankful because it would just have worried his boyfriend to death and Kaoru couldn't say no either way (because that would make him worthless) so they might not have thought that Kaoru needed to be forewarned. However, Kyoya sure must have been freaking out since he was made aware of why he couldn't monitor Kaoru himself and Kaoru would have preferred to have known so he could have prepared himself mentally for it. Now he had just been thrown into it without being able to gain some emotional comfort from Hikaru or Kyoya beforehand.
"You haven't? That's… odd", Daniels frowned. Kaoru couldn't tell if he wasn't very informed about the general treatment of the boys due to him being oblivious or if he was just new. He wasn't interested enough in the doctor's life to ask. "Anyway, it's very unlikely that you will react badly to the serum. It's very uncommon… I see that you are very tired but I need to ask some questions before I leave you be".
"I won't be able to sleep anyway", Kaoru murmured, half-jokingly and half-serious. He still felt like shit after all.
Daniels seemed amused by his blunt answer and let out a short chuckle that he had meant to hold back. Kaoru wasn't offended though.
"You are clearly still in pain, which is normal, and your body is tired, but is it as much as before or is it better?"
"It's less painful than before. It still feels like I'm being boiled like the finest lobster, but again, not nearly as bad as before and I am no longer spasming".
"That sounds good. The reason why the serum has to be injected the whole session is that most of it breaks down in the body. Unfortunately, some still remain, but not for more than five to six hours… they really didn't tell you anything?" Daniels saw the surprised dread in Kaoru's face.
"No, it was only said that it would be for a couple of hours… I wonder, did the person who wrote the information I received even know what he was talking about?"
"He might not have been very knowledgeable on the subject, no", Daniels agreed. "Are you feeling a certain kind of pain you didn't feel during the session?"
"You mean except for feeling like I'm burning?"
"Yes, that's correct".
"My muscles are sore and I'm starting to have a headache", Kaoru mumbled and closed his eyes again. Daniels knew that he couldn't fall asleep and he knew the state his patient was in so Kaoru didn't care about coming off as rude
"Is the light making the headache worse?" Daniels asked sympathetically and Kaoru mumbled something that sounded like a yes. Daniels chuckled. "I can believe that. The issues you bring up are nothing to worry about either. The headache is most likely caused by fatigue and dehydration - so drink more water, you will receive refills - and the soreness is most certainly caused by you tensing up during the treatment. Your jaw is hurting, correct?"
"Yes it certainly is", Kaoru agreed while silently adding in his head that it wasn't hurting because of the reason he wanted it to. "But it's not worrying me or something like that. Do you have any more questions for me?"
"I don't believe so unless there is something you are worried about… the discoloration on your arms, legs and neck is normal and will disappear along with the pain", Daniels added despite Kaoru not having shown any sign that he had even noticed what his skin looked like. He assumed that the doctor wanted to make sure that he would feel more at ease and he appreciated it. "There is a call button for a nurse next to your bed but I or a nurse will still check on you regularly. The toilet is at the end of the room on the right side. You can send for a nurse if you need help. The lights will be turned off shortly… I wish I could have given you something for the pain but only really strong medication might work slightly. But we need to know for sure how the serum works on you this time and continued use of pain medication can cause addiction".
"I understand", Kaoru said with a sad smile. "Thank you. I think I should try to sleep now".
"I agree. Goodnight Kaoru". Daniels left. Kaoru wasn't sure why his cheerful manners didn't make him uneasy (as he preferred professionalism) but he blamed his state of being.
The light switched off and Kaoru buried his face deeper in the pillow. Only time would tell what would happen to him for sure and he didn't have anyone there to comfort him. This would be one of the worst nights of his life.