Zero

by TheBordelineNonAlcoholicWriter

Many people were suddenly born with strange powers they have to pay a painful price for. Like humans do when something happens that they don't understand, they try to get rid of what they see as a threat... or use it to their advantage, and maybe that's even worse. What could be the next step in the evolution is used to further ta us back. (Updated description)

9. Chapter 9 Bliss

A/N: I'm trying to edit these chapters faster now when the semester is over so I can be done with this soon.

Also, I don't know if I have specified this yet but I like Hikaru. I am not making him rude and such because I don't like him. It's similar to what I did to Krum in my first Harry Potter fanfic, I'm just using the characters to fill a purpose. If a certain character is treated as a bad guy in more than one story then yeah, you can assume I don't think they are good. But if it's only in one story or very rarely then I just needed a character to fill a role.

I just realized that I might have been inconsistent with spelling Kyoya's last name. That's really annoying...

Fun fact, the name Rai was just something I made up without checking out if it existed. In my mind it rhymes with "eye" but I can see people seeing it as an alternative spelling of "Rey". I have done that more than once. Rosengard is for example a name of a location (I double-checked after using the name since I knew I had heard it but not in what context. It wasn't the best context).

---

Chapter 9. Bliss

Kyoya stared at his best friend and his best friend's fiancée with disinterested amusement. The relief he felt over Haruhi coming along with Tamaki was immense. She has been successful with convincing Tamaki that Kyoya didn't want to be too active so they luckily decided to talk and enjoy each other's company at a café. It was weird to be out of the base for once in so long, but it was a more pleasant experience than he had expected. Sure, he knew that the outside world was better in many, many ways but it felt like he could breathe better with fresher air. The lack of the feeling of being supervised most of the time wasn't anything to complain about either. Another pleasant surprise was that he slept better, even if it was in a hotel bed. The nights leading up to him leaving had made him very uneasy because his nightmares had become worse. But now he could calm down with the realization that the worsen nightmares probably stemmed from stress or something skin to that at the base. His stress levels had clearly increased since he received the news about what Kaoru had to go through. That young man was going to be the death of Kyoya at this rate. It wasn't Kaoru's fault of course, but it was still difficult.

The last time he had seen the younger male was the morning after the first session in the pain simulator. Kyoya had been unable to sleep the night leading up to that morning because he was too worried about Kaoru's well-being. When Kyoya finally saw him again he had to restrain himself from hugging him long and tightly because they were still in the hospital wing. The amount of relief he had felt when he had laid his eyes on the exhausted, but healthy, Kaoru couldn't be put into words. However… something else had started to bother him after that. There were certain words that had escaped from the almost asleep boy that couldn't leave Kyoya's mind. He wasn't sure if he could bring it up with Tamaki and Haruhi, partly because he didn't know if they would be able to understand the situation fully and partly because he wasn't sure if what he heard was significant or not.

"Are you alright Kyoya?" Haruhi asked after noticing her friend not listening to their conversation, but instead staring out the window with an absent-minded look on his face. "You are thinking about something".

"I am", Kyoya confirmed and turned his attention back to them. "Nothing I'm sure that I can talk about. It's work related".

"Oh, is it about Kaoru?" Tamaki excitedly suggested. "He counts as 'work related', right? How is he!?" He conveniently forgot that Kyoya said that the subject was classified.

"Kaoru?" Haruhi repeated while trying to recall where she had heard that name before (and Kyoya had no doubt about Tamaki telling her about Kaoru previously). "That's your boyfriend at work if I'm correct".

"Yes, that's the one", Kyoya said with an oddly (in the other two's opinion) fond smile on his lips that quickly disappeared. "Unfortunately he isn't doing too well… and no, I can't talk about it. It's too involved in classified work".

"You can't say anything at all?" Haruhi asked with a frown and Tamaki looked like he was about to argue but Kyoya beat him to it.

"I want to but I can't. I can't risk my job or risk getting myself, or especially him who has to stay at the base, in deep trouble", Kyoya said sternly and Tamaki visibly deflated; knowing that Kyoya was right. "However-". Tamaki immediately perked up again in interest. "There are things, small things of course, that I want to try to do to make him a little happier with the situation… so, do you know any good fashion magazines or art supply stores? He seems to be interested in designing". Tamaki immediately flew up from his chair; beaming with glee.

"Then we are going to find the best magazines and art supplies that we can find and-".

"Just a few magazines, a few sheets of paper and a few pens", Kyoya said with a stern look in his eyes to make sure that Tamaki wouldn't go overboard like he usually did. He was amused by his friend's enthusiasm, but there was a clear limit to what Kyoya could reasonably buy and bring back and he had to make that clear.

"Then we will find the best magazines, paper and pens! …. on a budget!" Tamaki exclaimed, not diverting in the slightest. "Let's go!" Eyes from different café goers were on the blonde male as he marched out of the building. Haruhi blinked in the direction her fiancé disappeared in before looking back to her half full coffee cup. Kyoya smirked at her and adjusted his glasses.

"You and I both know that hoping to be able to finish that at this point is futile. I'll buy you a new one later", Kyoya promised with a half assed apologetic smile on his face. Haruhi sighed before they left to follow their hyper blonde companion.

Going through several stores with a determined and excited Tamaki was no easy feat and it brought a lot of unwanted attention, but Kyoya eventually got what he needed. Several times he was forced to prevent Tamaki from taking too many magazines or trying to buy all kinds of pens. Kyoya had to frequently remind his friend that he couldn't risk making Kaoru feel cheap (or like an escort) by buying obviously expensive items. Tamaki, not being used to a less expensive lifestyle like Kyoya had to, couldn't quite understand but didn't argue too much.

The young doctor was relieved that the hectic search for presents was over and they could return to his hotel room so he could carefully pack down the fragile things. Tamaki, who has had a full bladder since the café but was too excited for the shopping trip, had left for Kyoya's less than acceptable bathroom. Haruhi and Kyoya were alone in the room and she was observerving him with a knowing look on her face from her position on the edge of the bed. Kyoya continued to pack a few more things as he had to leave later tomorrow. It was unclear which one of them was going to verbalize their thoughts first; would Haruhi dare to ask if something was on his mind, suspecting that Kyoya wasn't completely honest about why he couldn't tell them anything? Or would Kyoya finally break and ask for advice? The last words Kaoru had said to Kyoya before he left the base were still echoing in his mind. Previously that day he hadn't been sure if what Kaoru had said was something to dwell on… but now he did in fact dwell on it so it currently felt significant to him.

"I assume you have a plan when it comes to giving the gifts to Kaoru", Haruhi commented, trying to get into a casual conversation to make things go faster.

"Yes, I have. After all, like I previously mentioned, he wouldn't accept gifts easily. The magazines maybe, but not the other things… with the subject of Kaoru… ". Kyoya turned out to be the first one to break after all.

"Here we go", Haruhi smiled. "What is on your mind? … that you are allowed to talk about of course… ".

"There was something he said one time while being extremely exhausted… and I'm not sure if it was a joke or an actual concern he has disguised as a joke… the more I talk about itis and hear my own words, the more it comes off as a joke to me… perhaps I'm just overreacting".

"It won't kill you to still talk to me about it even if it's a joke", Haruhi pointed out. "Especially if you're still going to dwell over it later. Tell me, what did he say?"

...

Kyoya had never hated, but at the same time felt so much relief, seeing Kaoru. The younger male was lying on the hospital bed, staring tiredly at Kyoya with fondness, as well as relief. He looked terrible; his hair was messy and greasy, his lips had obvious bite marks on them (like Kaoru had been holding back pained sounds) and he had deep and dark circles underneath his otherwise beautiful eyes. Kyoya wanted to wrap him up in a hug and tell him that it was okay, but unfortunately they weren't alone.

"Have you been able to sleep?" Kyoya asked, trying to sound as professional as possible.

Maybe that was an evidently moronic question considering Kaoru's tired appearance, but there was a small chance that the smaller boy had managed to sneak in one or two hours of sleep at least. Besides, Kyoya couldn't find anything to start the conversation with. Obviously Kaoru hadn't reacted badly to the serum or else Kyoya wouldn't have been allowed in here so casually. Surely, Kaoru would have currently been in the middle of a surgery or hooked up to several machines or whatever they did to treat the symptoms if Kaoru was in danger. Hence why Kyoya didn't feel the need to ask too many 'professional' questions.

"I slipped under a couple of times. Didn't stay under though", Kaoru said quietly with a small mischievous smile. In Japanese, he said: "Not quite the way I would have preferred being kept up".

"I can imagine that", Kyoya responded in Japanese too with a chuckle before turning back to English. "Do you still feel any pain from the serum? It should be gone by now if everything went smoothly".

"I sure stress you out", Kaoru murmured with a melancholy chuckle. "No, I don't believe that I feel any pain left from that. Only pain I feel is related to me being sleep deprived… Hopefully, I'll be better company when you're back from your vacation, doctor".

"I wouldn't consider your company bad, necessarily", Kyoya stated, choosing his words well to not give away the affection he had for the boy (he saw a nurse in the corner of his eye). He also purposely ignored the first thing Kaoru said about him being stressed. There was no reason for such a discussion now.

"Well, what I'm going through is definitely making things harder for you, don't deny it". Kaoru coughed and closed his eyes. "I'm exhausted… I want to sleep".

"And you should sleep. Your body needs it. We'll have this discussion another time", Kyoya promised. "I'll leave when I'm sure that you are asleep".

"Thank you… I don't like to be alone when I fall asleep", Kaoru groaned before letting out a quiet chuckle that Kyoya interpreted as devoid of any humor. It mostly served Kyoya as a warning that something akin to self-deprecation would inevitably escape Kaoru's lips. At this point, Kyoya knew his boyfriend well enough. "I just realized something… ", Kaoru yawned. He was increasingly becoming more and more tired.

"Realized what?" Kyoya asked with a frown and Kaoru switched to Japanese.

"At this point… at this point I'm just becoming one of your crazy exes, right?" Kaoru asked with another hollow chuckle. Kaoru started to snore while Kyoya stared at him with confusion.

...

"And now, because he fell asleep right after he said that, I have no idea why he said that", Kyoya recounted. He told Haruhi about the memory, but he left out vital parts about why Kaoru was in the hospital wing or the cheesiness from his side. She didn't have to know that he wanted to be almost as affectionate as Tamaki.

"Well, how were your exes crazy?" Haruhi asked after she was silent while being in her own thoughts for a moment. "Tamaki never gave me details because he always started to remember that he never asked for permission to tell me and freaked out instead". Kyoya chuckled.

"I can imagine that. Those of my exes that I assume Kaoru was referring to are the ones who were controlling, cheating or tried to stab me. I don't understand why Kaoru would ever compare himself to them… he has assumed he was a bad person before, but this still came out of the blue".

It didn't feel right to share too much of Kaoru's insecurities, but Haruhi needed as much context as he could give her. Otherwise, she wouldn't be very helpful.

"Has he done anything similar to what your bad exes did to you?" Haruhi carefully asked. He could tell that she was a little worried about Kyoya now after he told her about his past lovers. Hopefully, she wasn't worried that Kaoru was actually anything like any of them.

"No, that's partly why that statement doesn't make sense to me. He has always been kind and doesn't like hurting others".

"You said that he has seen himself as a bad person before. Maybe he was just so exhausted that he was more emotional and compared himself to bad people once again?" Haruhi suggested. "It sounded like a self-deprecating joke to me, but with at least a hint of seriousness. I don't know him of course, these are just guesses".

"Good guesses nonetheless", Kyoya assured with a thoughtful nod. "It does sound like him".

"You can always ask him if you are not satisfied with our brainstorming", Haruhi pointed out. "I mean, he knows best when it comes to what he means". Kyoya smiled at her.

"Yes, you are right, but I might not need to ask. I believe you were spot on".

"Are you sure?"

"I am".

---

"I am NOT sure", Kyoya thought as he walked through a familiar corridor at his workplace. Yes, Haruhi's theory sounded solid but he would never get confirmation until he actually asked Kaoru (like she had suggested). However, bringing it up with the younger male didn't sound too appealing. What if it was a stupid joke that Kaoru couldn't even remember?

Kyoya yawned. He had arrived back at the base in the middle of the night and only managed to sleep for a few hours before it was time to get up. Currently, he was on his way to eat breakfast and he hoped that he could get at least a glimpse of Kaoru in the dining area. They had an appointment tomorrow after another memory treatment but he was thinking about signing to Kaoru to ask if he was up for meeting later that day.

"Good morning, doctor", a disembodied voice called out and Kyoya stopped and turned his head towards the direction of the voice; general Rai. This time the older male didn't come off as intoxicated, but that didn't actually say much. Rai had proven previously that it wasn't easy to tell if he had spent the night with his bottles or not.

"Good morning, general", Kyoya said back as unbothered as possible. He knew that the general had something in mind, they never spoke with each other otherwise. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Can't I just say good morning to a colleague?" General said sarcastically with his arms crossed; he was not even trying to make it look like he didn't have an ulterior motive.

Despite trying to look nonchalant, Kyoya got the impression that there was something that bothered, no worried, him.

"You usually either want to bad mouth my patient or demand an apology. I don't want to come off as rude, but if that's what you want to do now once again, I think it will be a better use of our time to go just go on with our day", Kyoya stated and saw one of Rai's eyes twitch slightly, but otherwise, his expression remained unchanged.

"That's for sure not the only things I have brought up with you, doctor", Rai sighed. "I have come to realize that something that shouldn't have been said was said".

Kyoya was tempted to ask why the previous rudeness he brought up before didn't count as 'something that shouldn't have been said, but he didn't want to take another risk that could lead to a dangerous adult-sized temper tantrum. Rai would try to hold himself back but Kyoya wasn't interested in knowing exactly how much it would take for him to break completely.

"What are you referring to?" Kyoya asked and looked Rai up and down to try to get a clue on what he could possibly be on about.

One of the papers in the general's hand, which had clearly been ripped in half, made the doctor a little uneasy. Maybe he was overreacting and his thoughts were just playing a cruel trick on his occupied mind, but he could imagine Rai either being too fed up and ripping the paper instead of using scissors or just really not liking what he had read. Kyoya's personal bias could play a role in his suspicions. The older male had attacked his boyfriend in the past, could you really blame him?

"I believe you know what I'm referring to. Taking advantage of a drunk old man like you did was not very nice", Rai mumbled the second part and chuckled afterward in an attempt to keep the conversation light, despite how clearly cranky he was. Kyoya wasn't sure if the intention was to not properly show Kyoya how serious it was so Kyoya wouldn't ask too much about it and just forget it, or if he didn't want to risk making possible eavesdroppers suspicious. A mixture of both scenarios seemed very likely.

Kyoya was just about to ask what the hell he was blabbering about (paraphrased obviously) when it finally dawned on him what Rai was so worried about; the general didn't know that he hadn't actually told Kyoya anything about project takeover. At first, he was tempted to just tell Rai the truth and just leave, but a part of him didn't want to promise Rai without taking advantage of the situation. Not in a dramatic way, of course, Kyoya wasn't going to blackmail the guy to do something, but it felt like another opportunity to assure Kaoru's safety. His threats previously weren't empty but their superiors couldn't ignore Rai's actions if they were made aware of the fact that Rai wasn't trustworthy… at least that was Kyoya's theory he received from seeing how badly Rai wanted to cover this up. Maybe using this would truly make sure the old general took a step back? Sure, he hasn't done anything bad to Kaoru since last time… but Kaoru hadn't actually talked to Rai lately, so Kyoya had no idea if Rai actually took him seriously.

"I never did have any plans for sharing the information you gave me… ". Rai looked relieved. "Because so far you haven't given me any reason to", Kyoya added and Rai frowned in disbelief before glaring at him.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked through gritted teeth. "This isn't about just me, this is confidential information, doctor. Don't you realize how serious this is?"

"I do actually, thanks to you", Kyoya said with his usual professional smile. Rai had a sour expression on his face. "The question is, do you?"

Rai hesitated to calm himself down before asking: "What exactly do you expect to get out of this?"

"Isn't that obvious at this point, general? The health of my patient is number one priority". Kyoya tried to not smirk at the startled expression on Rai's face. A small voice in the back of his mind warned him that he shouldn't give off the impression that he liked Kaoru too much. At this point, it was a known fact that both Kyoya and Kaoru favored those of the male persuasion. Rai suspecting something might be up wasn't a far cry at this point if Kyoya didn't put those thoughts to rest quickly. "Or maybe you hoped that our friendship wouldn't remain?" Kyoya added to make sure that he later wouldn't meet HR for sleeping with his patient. "But we won't have anything to worry about, correct?"

Rai was silent but Kyoya knew the answer and started to walk away. With the old man out of sight, relief immediately came over the tense doctor. He avoided getting into an altercation this time around as well, but it definitely would have happened if it was in the privacy of Rai's office and if Kyoya was someone less important in Rai's eyes. Relief wasn't the only thing Kyoya was feeling currently, his curiosity piqued up over project takeover once again. It hadn't felt right to ask Kaoru about it previously, but now might be the chance. They were close enough to each other for Kaoru not to feel the need to lie about any horrible things that occurred in his past. Or at least that was Kyoya's impression, but maybe Kaoru felt like he didn't want to talk about something for once. One day the younger boy would realize that it wasn't fair that Kyoya never told him anything… anything important that is. Sure, he had expressed some serious things concerning himself but most of the information he had shared with Kaoru was about his exes. One day he would tell him something extremely private… but it was just so difficult. Verbalizing certain things felt almost impossible.

Seeing Kaoru talking with his brother while eating, as usual, was a sight for sore eyes. The younger male definitely looked better than he had looked when Kyoya last saw him.

Sensing that someone was staring, Kaoru looked at him with a quick smile before turning back to his brother to not accidentally make anyone suspicious. That small hint of acknowledgment was enough to satisfy Kyoya at the moment; he didn't need a welcome hug or anything like that. The doctor still wanted to sign to Kaoru to meet him later but standing there staring at the younger male was not the route to take. Instead, Kyoya grabbed a tray of food and sat down at his usual table. His colleagues welcomed him and some briefly asked about his short vacation, to which Kyoya gave short but not rudely delivered answers to. Afterward, his colleagues returned to their previous conversations while Kyoya frequently and discreetly glanced at Kaoru in order to not miss out when he looked back again (he swore he wasn't as desperate as he appeared).

After finally gaining Kaoru's attention (the younger male had tried to catch Kyoya's gaze as well, going by the relief in his eyes), Kyoya quickly sent the sign and Kaoru hurriedly signed a yes back before turning back to the conversation he was partaking in beforehand. Yes, Kyoya felt a little silly for acting so needy, but he had things he wanted to ask Kaoru before he forgot them again.

"How did you manage to receive a tan?" Kyoya turned to his right and saw a worn out Shinohara with bags under his eyes. He was resting his head on his hand and had a small smirk playing on his lips.

Kyoya hoped that he hadn't noticed the interaction before with Kaoru. The possibility existed because Kyoya remembered that Shinohara never partook in the conversation the other colleagues had.

"Us paley-os get color easily, I suppose, but I thought you would stay indoors the whole time". No mention of it so far, that was a good sign for Kyoya.

"I have never heard 'paley-os' before", Kyoya chuckled and took another good look at his sleep deprived colleague.

"I believe I made it up, but you still understand what I'm talking about", Shinohara shrugged. "So was… I was going to ask how your vacation was but that's what the other asked, right? You most likely think it's a boring question to ask".

"A little but from you I can see at least a little hint of interest and not just pleasantries. You look tired, what has happened since I left?" Kyoya asked straight to the point and Shinohara's smile widened but his eyes remained sleepy.

"It seems that you aren't the only one who has to be worried about your patient", Shinohara said with a yawn and Kyoya frowned.

"Did Hikaru do something?" Kyoya carefully asked and Shinohara chuckled sadly.

"No, not yet".

"Nothing at all? What are you worried about then?"

"The word 'yet' in my answer".

Kyoya frowned at him and asked: "You think something is going to happen?"

"I know something is going to happen", Shinohara corrected; he was trying to appear as nonchalant as possible but Kyoya wasn't fooled for a second. "I have known that kid- or I guess adult now- since he was a child. He is becoming worse. Becoming more paranoid every day… ".

"Yes, but I have never seen you so worked up before. He must have done something to make you react like this", Kyoya pointed out. "If he did nothing, why are you worked up all of a sudden?"

"He was on a check up while you were gone… I… I believe he might have started to do something he shouldn't… that's all I believe I can say".

"I thought you said that he hadn't done anything?" Kyoya asked with furrowed brows.

Shinohara smiled sheepishly at him and murmured a tired: "I guess I did" before turning back to his food.

Kyoya wanted to ask more questions but he could tell that Shinohara wouldn't budge. Clearly, this was something he wasn't supposed to talk about even if he still felt like he needed to vent. A similar situation to the one Kyoya was in concerning the words Kaoru had told him (that he had temporarily forgotten until now, but they didn't feel as important right at this moment) except for the fact that Shinohara was visibly too tired to be able to lie properly. Now Kyoya knew that Hikaru was up to something, but he didn't know what or why Shinohara was covering it up. Or the last part could easily be explained away with Shinohara being dedicated to his work. He would never do anything that would jeopardize it. That made Kyoya unable to ever tell him about his relationship with Kaoru.

Kyoya dared to look back at the table where the boys ate, but not to look at his boyfriend this time. No, he looked at his boyfriend's brother. Hikaru didn't look back and it was probably for the best; that boy was nowhere as subtle as his brother and Kaoru would most definitely notice. Still, Kyoya wanted to get some answers.

"What are you up to, Hikaru? How much have you descended?"

---

Kaoru was smiling to himself as he and his brother walked silently back to their room; he was happy to see his boyfriend again. Hikaru's silence was less understandable… at least that's what it seemed from the outside. The older twin had acted pretty strangely the whole day. He hadn't talked much except during their meal when Kaoru forced a conversation out of him. Hikaru had been more silent than normal over the weekend as well, but today was the only day that his behavior had made Kaoru suspicious and worried. Maybe it was a small thing but Kaoru had called Hikaru out for closing the bathroom door behind him when he was brushing his teeth that morning before breakfast. Hikaru had opened the door and rolled his eyes while murmuring "overdramatic" despite him knowing full well that Kaoru wasn't just nitpicking. Hikaru doing anything to distance himself from Kaoru, even closing a door, was unusual and not to be taken lightly. As someone who was slowly lacking more and more of his ability to be independent, Kaoru hoped that this was just a way for Hikaru to gain some sense of that independence back, but he wouldn't bet money on it. Again, what Hikaru did could be considered a small thing and Kaoru's reaction could have been unnecessary. However, putting every weird action Hikaru had committed together didn't equate to something that boded well.

"Are you going over to Kyoya's later, again?" Hikaru finally asked (coldly, Kaoru might add) when they reached their room. It wasn't difficult to tell that he had wanted to ask that for a while, at least since the dining hall. "I assume the gestures you sent each other meant that. Pretty clever, but not hard to see what you're doing if one knows about the relationship".

"Yes, that's the plan. Is it alright?"

"Does it matter what I think?" Hikaru fake nonchalantly asked while pushing past him into their room and let himself fall down on his own bed.

Everything about his body language suggested that he was exasperated. Kaoru sighed and closed the door behind him.

"Am I a bad person for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend?" Kaoru sarcastically asked, almost equally as frustrated as his obviously hostile brother.

"If it means that you're leaving me alone all the time, then yes. You know, I still exist". Hikaru closed his eyes with an exasperated sigh as he crossed his arms. He then opened his eyes again to glare at the younger twin.

Kaoru wanted to verbalize his thoughts about him not being emotionally vulnerable enough for Hikaru to make him feel bad for nothing yet but decided against it.

"I have slept at his place up to two times a week. Maybe three times, but usually only one. I am with you the rest of the time. I am with you more often than a person in a relationship probably is with their sibling. So stop with the BS. I want to hang out with my boyfriend because he just came back from his vacation. That isn't weird or wrong".

"He has only been gone for TWO days!" Hikaru exclaimed all of sudden and Kaoru could almost swear that he was steaming.

"We haven't been together for that long", Kaoru rolled his eyes and also crossed his arms. "I know you don't know much about relationships, but people tend to be needier in the beginning. I believe it's called a honeymoon phase. And still, it really isn't that weird to want to be with your significant other after a few days apart".

"How the hell could you possibly know that?"

"Because I do something you don't; I actually talk to people".

"I do talk to people who are worth my time. Unlike you who are doing shit like stringing Duncan along because you regret not sleeping with him before entering a serious relationship. Because maybe you could get with him if it doesn't work out, right?"

Kaoru stared at him wide-eyed in disbelief. That thought had never, NEVER, crossed Kaoru's mind. Sure he had wished from time to time that he walked into the relationship with a little more experience, but he didn't think about sleeping with Duncan and was sure as hell not stringing him along.

"You know damn well that's not what's going on", Kaoru coldly remarked when he had collected his thoughts after the startling accusation. "Maybe I would have slept with him eventually if I and Kyoya didn't get back together, but now I see him as a friend and can't seriously see myself doing anything like that with him anymore". That was actually true. The more he got to know Duncan, the less he felt comfortable with the blonde boy's advances, which hadn't slowed down much despite Kaoru's verbal complaints. Kaoru assumed he didn't stop because he didn't remember or didn't realize how it made him feel. "I don't need any ulterior motives for friendships. Or do you think I wanted to fuck Jiro as well?"

"Fucking is probably the only thing on your mind. You probably like how you have two guys after you", Hikaru rolled his eyes. Apparently, he decided to avoid addressing the part about Jiro and pretended that the name never left Kaoru's lips.

"I don't! I don't like the way Duncan is talking to me. Are you conveniently losing your hearing every time I politely tell him to fucking stop? Now you don't just expect the worst of people around me, you expect the worst from me too? What the fuck Hikaru!?" Kaoru exclaimed in disbelief, hurt.

The realization of the weight behind his own words made Hikaru's hostile demeanor falter for a second. His eyes widened and his posterior slumped. Kaoru had expected Hikaru to confirm that he did indeed think that Kaoru now also had ill intentions, but clearly, that wasn't what he had meant to imply to begin with.

"I.. I didn't mean th-that!" He mumbled vulnerably, looking genuinely remorseful. The dramatic response stemmed from his fear of being alone. Hikaru obviously didn't lie in his (not) apology but he was reacting unnecessarily much. Kaoru didn't want to just leave it at that so he continued.

"Well, you sure as hell made it sound like you meant that. Is that what you think I am? A cheating man slut?"

"No, I don't! I'm sorry… it's them I don't like. I don't think they are good for you-".

"Aha, you believe that it's their fault I'm a cheating man slut?" Kaoru asked in a half amused and half insulted incomprehension. The younger twin was in a mood for a low blow. "Kyoya is not the one trying to make me feel bad for nothing right now, you know".

"He isn't the angel you're trying to make him out to be either", Hikaru chuckled exasperatedly. Kaoru couldn't tell if he was too angry to properly hear what Kaoru was saying or if he was actively choosing to ignore it.

"I never claimed that. Here your last brain cell is playing tricks on you again", Kaoru couldn't help but snarkily reply and Hikaru was fuming. "I'm only trying to explain that he isn't a horrible person. You might think I'm an idiot, along with being a cheating man whore, but I am perfectly aware of Kyoya's flaws. You are just not aware of them because you never try to get to know him and can't hear ANY negative thing about him without taking it out of proportion".

"I am not the only one who is making things harder!" Hikaru exclaimed, conveniently forgetting the points Kaoru was making. "He hates me too!"

"Your hostile demeanor towards him makes him annoyed at you, sure, but he is actually tolerating you more than you'd think. He is only avoiding you because you're acting like a dick towards him", Kaoru explained calmly but seething, like every word was venom.

"Of course that's what he is making you believe", Hikaru remarked condescendingly and the tone in his voice grated on Kaoru's nerves. "And you blindly trust him because you need more people in your life to not feel so fucking alone".

"What the fuck are you even talking about anymore?" Kaoru asked with a perplexed chuckle; he couldn't fathom the utter shit coming out of Hikaru's mouth. Yes, Hikaru had always been unable to see eye to eye with Kyoya (okay, that was an understatement) but he usually didn't personally attack Kaoru like this before. "Are these things you actually believe or do you just desperately need me to feel shitty enough to listen to you? Kyoya isn't perfect, but he is a fucking saint compared to you when you are being like this! It took a little time, yes, but he accepts everything about me and you alike. And-".

Kaoru immediately stopped himself when he realized what territory he had accidentally stepped into. He deeply wished that the last part would be something Hikaru would also quietly ignore in favor of continuing to accuse Kaoru of preposterous nonsense. However, he could see the shock in Hikaru's eyes turn into pure rage of betrayal. Two things were battling inside of Kaoru's mind, resentful smugness that stemmed from Hikaru finally feeling hit by Kaoru's words and shame from the fact that Hikaru now rightfully knew what he had done.

Hikaru stomped over to Kaoru with quick steps until their chests were almost touching; Kaoru was stuck between him and the wall. A new sensation, fear, filled Kaoru alongside the two other feelings and the three left him unable to form any coherent, and situation saving, comment, or even form a proper thought. All he could do was wait and Hikaru sure wasn't going to let the younger twin be without hearing his voice for long.

"What did you tell him about me, Kaoru?" Hikaru coldly asked (ordered) his brother to explain.

His voice sounded calm now but Kaoru knew that he was waiting to unleash himself after Kaoru had confirmed his fears. It wasn't the future screaming match Kaoru was fearing, but a possibility of a physical altercation that would be terribly one-sided since Kaoru didn't know if he could ever hurt Hikaru like that back. Normal and sane Hikaru wouldn't have dreamt of hurting Kaoru either, but he was slipping more and more. The fact that Hikaru was losing himself terrified Kaoru much more than the possibility of Hikaru causing him bodily harm.

"Only what I needed to tell him", Kaoru said while trying to look as brave as possible after finally finding his voice again amidst the confusing feelings. "Which wasn't actually much because the focus was on me and my feelings about my memories… besides, I don't get why you are angry. I thought I wasn't supposed to tell strangers about things. Kyoya is my boyfriend and talking to him he-". Kaoru was interrupted mid-half-lie by a loud scoff and an eye roll.

"Please. I don't give a single fuck how you deliberately worded your promise to make you feel better about getting away with this. And yes, I know you did that. Otherwise, I can't possibly see how you could justify telling that fucking piece of shit things you knew I didn't want him to know. Why the FUCK would you do that!?"

Kaoru flinched as Hikaru finally raised his voice.

"Because I felt like shit for my behavior in the memories I saw and needed to talk it out with him. To be able to do that I had to tell him the entire story. He didn't even fucking care about what you did because he knows that it was self-defense. The only thing that he was bothered with was the fact that we were forced into that position in the first place!" But again, Kaoru's reasoning fell upon deaf ears.

"You could have just fucking talked to me! You shouldn't have said anything! That wasn't your story to tell!"

"No, I couldn't! You never want to talk about those things and I really needed to! You still don't want to talk about the beach incident, right!?" At first, Hikaru looked confused but the realization hit him fast and a new layer of fury followed suit.

"You knew I didn't want that out in the open and you still told him? The hell is wrong with you!?"

The shame was slowly trying to take over and push away the other two feelings to the back of Kaoru's mind. He knew that he knowingly did something Hikaru wasn't comfortable with but he also knew that he couldn't have kept the fear that he was a psychopath (or something akin to one) to himself for the rest of his life. Kyoya also needed to know as much as possible about the situation for Kaoru to be able to believe his assuring words. That fact made Kaoru feel less guilty over the situation but so far he wasn't getting through to Hikaru.

"Like I said, I needed to talk and I trust him. So okay, I'm sorry that I shared something you didn't want me to share. But I can't regret it because you have no fucking idea about why I had to get that off my chest in the first place".

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU NEVER TELL ME SHIT!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME TRUST YOU LESS!"

Kaoru hadn't realized what came out of his mouth until he heard his own words. He hadn't realized how true that sentence was previously either. He couldn't trust Hikaru not to physically hurt him, he couldn't tell Hikaru about what the treatment entailed before, he couldn't ever go to Hikaru for advice about Kyoya or Duncan, he had to talk in certain ways to trick Hikaru into not being angry about Kaoru opening up to his own boyfriend… How much trust did he even have left for Hikaru? It didn't matter how many times Kaoru reminded himself that Hikaru was a victim to his mental health, the fact that Kaoru trusted Kyoya (a man he had known for less than a year) much more than his own twin brother and best friend remained unchanged.

Hikaru, unable to process any critique about himself currently, was about to give Kaoru a (loud) piece of his mind, but Kaoru cut in before he could with a calm and collected: "Can you let go of me now? Or don't you care about that anymore?"

Hikaru closed his mouth and blinked a couple of times in silent incomprehension. He looked down Kaoru's body and his eyes widened in horror when he discovered his hands tightly gripping his brother's upper arms right under his shoulders. Kaoru himself hadn't even noticed that Hikaru was doing it until now because his mind had been too occupied. The pain hadn't truly registered until now and Kaoru swore that he felt nails digging into his skin.

The older twin quickly let go of Kaoru and took a step back just in time for the door to open. Morinozuka walked in with purposeful steps. He looked back and forth between the two before his eyes stayed on Kaoru. Kaoru tried to smile at him as assuringly as possible despite his heart still racing in his chest. He didn't like that their conversation was cut short when Hikaru had seemed to somewhat snap out of his state, but maybe Morinozuka's interference was actually a good thing. Maybe Kaoru would just have made Hikaru angrier.

"I was made aware of screaming", Morinozuka commented, not convinced by the look on Kaoru's face, especially when Hikaru's own face was still reflecting the shock from his actions.

The older twin was even looking down at his hands from time to time like he couldn't believe what they had done. Kaoru had to prevent himself from openly glaring at his brother.

"I am trying to act normal for your sake, Baka. At least try not to look like you have done something horrible… I must admit, I can't decide if you did something horrible or not", Kaoru thought to himself.

"We had a sibling fight", Kaoru told Morinozuka. "I'm sorry that we were loud. We are both stubborn bastards, right Hikaru?" For a second he feared that it was a mistake to address his brother but Hikaru managed to snap out of his absent-minded state and nodded frantically.

"Yeah", Hikaru mumbled and cleared his voice before looking down at the ground. "It's stupid… ".

Kaoru really hoped that Hikaru was just saying that to convince Morinozuka and NOT because he genuinely believed that it was in fact stupid. Yes, Hikaru accusing Kaoru and Kyoya of absurd things was a stupid thing to do but some parts of this conversation were actually quite serious. Kaoru's newfound revelation about his own trust issues for his brother was a great example of that. But Hikaru was unfortunately not ready for this yet… and that fact frustrated the younger twin to no end.

Morinozuka examined Hikaru with the same stoic look in his eyes as usual, which made it impossible for Kaoru to even guess what was going through his mind and he didn't like that.

After a full minute, Morinozuka turned his head to look at Kaoru again; his eyes went up and down his body (presumably to look for any indicator of a physical altercation) but stopped at chest level.

"What are those marks on your arms?" He asked and Kaoru looked at the place the taller male was referring to and tried to look as nonchalant and calm as possible despite finding bleeding half-moon marks.

It wasn't anything dramatic, nor was it seriously hurting. The wounds were too small for Morinozuka to be able to see what it was and it was more cumbersome than painful… cumbersome because now he had to come up with another excuse to save Hikaru's ass! It might not have been a serious injury but the possibility of separating the twins for Kaoru's safety had come up the last couple of months. Since their superiors started to take notice of Hikaru showing the same symptoms as the boys who had taken Kaoru's serum showed, the fear that Hikaru might seriously hurt his brother made them look for any reason to take Hikaru away. Not just because Kaoru had been useful to them (because this was also a dormant threat during the time between Kaoru being needed for the serum and the decision to make him into a blockade) but because they didn't want people to die. They still had some sense of humanity left in them… or they just didn't want to handle the paperwork.

"I accidentally scratched up some scabs from a previous mission", Kaoru answered while making sure to not look at his brother. He hoped that Hikaru felt an immense amount of guilt, but not showing it on his face of course. It wasn't like Kaoru to wish negative feelings upon other people but Hikaru had to fucking learn from the shit he pulled eventually. The sad part was that Kaoru would 'forgive' him eventually, which would hurt him in the long run. "I have so many scars that I forget that some of them aren't actually scars yet", Kaoru forced a chuckled. "It sure hurts, Yeah-", Kaoru empathized despite not being in that much pain to drive home the message to Hikaru that he wasn't actually honest while implying that this was nothing. "But harmless".

"How did you acquire this injury?" Morinozuka tried to drag a more thorough explanation out of him so he could leave with good conscience. Kaoru appreciated that the older male gave a fuck and wanted to do things properly but now it only added a new level of anxiety. "I mean, how did you manage to scratch old scabs that far up on your arms?"

"Does it really sound that weird?" Kaoru asked, sounding slightly amused and confused despite internally freaking out.

"The placement in question is odd. I'm just following protocol… I'm taking your expression as me being the only one who follows protocol", Morinozuka added with a small smile. "I know it might sound weird to you but it's difficult to see how you could have acquired a wound by just bumping into a wall".

The panic had risen inside of Kaoru successfully throughout the conversation and now it had left his mind blank. He was usually a better liar but he was still riled up from the previous conversation and had a harder time hiding his feelings. The look in Morinozuka's eyes also made matters worse.

"I can imagine that, but… I'm not entirely sure how I got these. I guess I scratched them against the wall I'm currently leaning on and didn't notice because I was busy yelling at my brother. These walls are pretty grainy, after all. I don't understand why those couldn't be made out of metal like everything else".

The small addition of truth at the end added a much needed hint of believability to Kaoru's words. The fog of anxiety was slowly disbanding and lying became easier. Pretending that the real source of his distress (Hikaru) wasn't present was a great help. It was only him and Morinozuka and no one else…

"Those walls are grainy", Morinozuka verbally agreed quietly, despite not sounding very convinced. "So you're claiming to have accidentally harmed yourself? And on the wall nonetheless?"

Well, it sounded stupid when he put it that way.

"I only brought up the wall as an example", Kaoru chuckled. "I never meant to make it sound like I accused the wall of an assault. Those are small wounds, I didn't really feel them until you pointed them out. I honestly cannot see what the big issue is".

"It's the placement that's the issue here, Kaoru… ".

"I understood that, but the placement isn't that weird".

"I'm sorry but I don't think you understand".

"How come?"

"Any hint of self-harm has to be reported". Kaoru stared at him with eyes narrowed in confusion and eyes blinking in disbelief.

"Huh?" Was all he could reply with and Morinozuka sighed with an apologetic and small smile.

"Following protocol, every Boy who shows possible signs of self-harming behavior has to be reported. You have wounds in a suspicious place on your body and are acting suspiciously while being questioned. It doesn't matter how minuscule or believable the signs the Boys show are, am I afraid".

"What ehm… What happens if you report that?" Kaoru decided to ask before deciding his next move.

Obviously, he didn't want that assumption to be taken as a fact, but telling the truth could put the twins in a sticky situation. Nail marks weren't a big deal but their superiors wouldn't see it that way.

"You would need to be under constant supervision for at least a week if it's decided that you are a possible danger to yourself. That could entail either having someone following you around and invading your privacy as much as possible if you're lucky. Otherwise, you could be locked in a special room for at least a week so they could be able to supervise you easier without wasting too much time".

Kaoru's eyes widened and he looked pleadingly and panicked up at Morinozuka and saw something interesting in the older man's eyes. The younger twin got the impression that Morinozuka didn't quite believe that Kaoru was a danger to himself. No, the older male was testing to see if he would admit that something else happened or if he would take the bullet for his brother. It wasn't some sort of sinister curiosity, Morinozuka clearly wanted what was best for Kaoru but couldn't do what he thought was needed without any proof. Instead, he settled for helping Kaoru in the way he could. But this would be more bothersome to the younger twin. However, Kaoru was willing to go far for his brother.

"I am not someone who is doing what I'm being accused of", Kaoru started off by saying. "But I guess there is nothing I can do to convince you not to report this as self-harming behavior". Kaoru sighed in resignation and Morinozuka, for the first time, looked disappointed.

"It does seem like you can't, no", Morinozuka concurred.

He looked at Kaoru for a few more seconds to give him one last chance to step down before he sighed while shaking his head and left the room. Kaoru finally felt like he could breathe out. He had to remind himself that he didn't have to panic over the report yet because Morinozuka did say that their superiors have to decide if Kaoru could be considered a danger to himself or not… he could freak out later.

Hikaru storming to the bathroom reminded Kaoru that he was in the room. The older twin looked grey in the face as he vigorously washed his hands in the sink, taking extra time to dig under his nails; he was no doubt trying to remove the small amount of blood under there.

"Thanks for the help, Hikaru", Kaoru sarcastically said with an eye roll. "Now Morinozuka has no respect for me and I could be taken to the looney room… and yes, obviously the reason as to why he knows my name is because I'm stringing him along as well".

Hikaru stopped what he was doing and looked up at Kaoru with a confused expression.

"Huh?"

"Yes, you probably wondered why he knew my name, right? Like the only thing you got from this conversation was that he knows my name and you're making up all these kinds of weird theories in your head. So I decided to try to put them to rest early on".

"Of course not!" Hikaru cried as he turned off the water and quickly dried his hands on his pants, creating wet spots on the fabric, before hurrying out of the small room and towards Kaoru. "I never thought about that!"

"But you will later because you think I am a horrible person who is a danger to the men around me. You might as well throw Morinozuka-San into this along with Duncan and Kyoya now. So you don't have to do it later".

"Stop it. Morinozuka probably knows my name too. I am not as stupid as you think".

"Way to miss the fucking point", Kaoru said coldly and rolled his eyes again. "Now move the fuck out of the way so I can clean up".

Kaoru made sure to bump his shoulder into Hikaru as he walked past him into the bathroom to wash his upper arms. Hikaru was cautiously watching him the entire time. Kaoru found two rows of four dark half-moon indents on each arm and only three of them were still bleeding (but not much). They were right below the end of Kaoru's sleeves so they were unfortunately visible. It was also pretty obvious that it was nail marks. Kaoru crossed his arms and placed his fingers over the marks; forming an X over his torso. If someone was going to check his wounds to see if it was self-harm then Kaoru could convince them that he himself was the perpetrator if he held his arms like this. Maybe he could convince them that he was panicking in a fetus position or something like that?

Kaoru dropped his hands and let them dingle at his sides before he turned to glare at his brother, who looked like a wounded puppy. Knowing that Hikaru still didn't fully understand what he had done wrong made it impossible for Kaoru to sympathize with his brother's miserable state.

"I'm sorry", Hikaru said quietly and pitifully. "I didn't realize what I was doing. I am really fucking sorry-".

"Are you 'really fucking sorry' for hurting me physically… again, or for the shit you said? Do you even understand what you said?" Kaoru asked with a knowing look on his angry face. "And don't answer both when you haven't learned a Goddamn thing and are just going to continue this shit- no, stop". Kaoru silences Hikaru before he could rebuke him. "I just don't wanna talk to you right now. Stay or go, but I'll leave until it's time to go to Kyoya. Yes, I'm still going".

Kaoru walked to the door and turned to look at his silent brother once again.

"I'd suggest that you stay though. Stare into the mirror or something, or whatever you need to do in order to actually look at yourself instead of looking at others". And with that, Kaoru finally left.

He decided to stay in the common room to draw and hang out with the other Boys until it was time to leave. Hikaru never showed up.

---

"Heya, Otori", Rosengard called when Kyoya was outside his own room; he was just about to just enter.

The Japanese doctor turned to look at his shorter colleague.

"Hi again, Rosengard. Is it something you want to talk about?" Kyoya asked while not trying to sound rude.

Maybe it was just him, but that sentence was quite hard to say in a polite manner.

"Are you busy? I have some info you wanted", Rosengard explained and it didn't take long for Kyoya to get what he was talking about.

"You do? No, I'm not busy yet".

Kaoru would come over in a couple of hours (when it was dark) so Kyoya wasn't in a hurry.

"Yes. I did some detective work and asked around. Don't worry, I was very discreet with my intentions".

"I am very thankful. Did you find something interesting?"

"I sure did", Rosengard grinned before looking from left to right. "You wanna talk about this in private? I don't think this is the other doctors' business".

"I would appreciate it", Kyoya said and nodded.

Not wanting to risk Kaoru being discovered by Rosengard when he decided to come, Kyoya suggested that they would meet in Rosengard's room after he had left his things in his own room.

"Sounds good", Rosengard agreed. "I'm just a few doors to the left. Mine is the one where the label with my name has fallen off several times", Rosengard chuckled before walking down the corridor and entered his room.

Kyoya opened his door and walked in. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear about Henry. Obviously, he wouldn't hear about any serious crimes in that doctor's past, but Rosengard made it sound like he had something of interest to tell Kyoya. But maybe it was only of interest to Rosengard himself. That man was more easily entertained. Kyoya just hoped that whatever he found could explain why Henry felt the need to try to trick Kaoru into believing he should have been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. He didn't care if this could be considered an overreaction to some, he needed to be sure that Kaoru was in capable and trustworthy hands.

Kyoya put down his things on his desk and replaced his white coat with a knitted dark brown sweater before leaving his room again. The door was left closed but unlocked just in case Kaoru would turn up early. Leaving a note was considered as well, but at last, decided to not be necessary. Kyoya walked to the door his colleague had disappeared into and he sure found that the name 'Rosengard' had layers of thick pieces of transparent tape over it plus residue from previously tape in the surrounding area. It was mildly funny and Kyoya wondered if Rosengard was very unlucky or if he had accidentally made a petty enemy. He knocked on the door and Rosengard called to say that it was open and that he could enter. Kyoya took notice of the differences in their rooms when he complied. Both of them had dark walls and furniture, but Rosengard had definitely added more personal things to his decor. He had pictures on the walls, more colorful covers and pillows on his bed, a few blankets on the couch, more things scattered around without being too messy and he had actually thanked yes to the TV.

"You don't get many channels, but it's nice to watch the news or a game from time to time", Rosengard commented when he saw that Kyoya was looking at the TV. "The door is closed, right?"

"Yes, I made sure. So what did I find out about Henry?" Kyoya asked. Rosengard sat down on the couch and told Kyoya it was okay to sit down too before he started.

"You suspected that he had sinister motives, right?"

"I wanted to make sure that he wasn't having ulterior motives, yes", Kyoya said and sat down next to him, moving one of the blankets out of the way.

"Well, you don't have to be worried about him trying to kill Kaoru or anything like that. He apparently has a few DIUs and a past of ruining his relationships and friendships, but not a known past of hating zeroes".

"It must be pretty bad if he is known for being horrible with others", Kyoya pointed out. "I almost wonder why, but I'm not very interested in his personal life. At least if it isn't related to what I need to know".

"But there is something interesting I heard that might be the reason for why he can't keep close relationships, platonic or romantic".

"Really?"

"Yes. It wasn't that hard to find information on him because he is apparently a very well known sadist".

Hearing that made Kyoya sit up straighter and subconsciously lean closer to the other doctor.

"He is?" Kyoya asked, wanting Rosengard to elaborate.

Rosengard nodded with not a hint of anything that could suggest that he was joking.

"Allegedly he used to be the same kind of doctor that we are. He uses to work with the Boys, I mean. He looks and acts younger than he is. I asked Shinohara - without revealing my motives - if he knew anything about Henry Klein. You know, Shinohara having worked here for so long and all. Apparently, Henry wasn't seen as very suited to work with kids. Details are unclear, but no patient wanted to go to him. But when the memory dream treatment was announced, he immediately jumped at the opportunity to hurt people… allegedly".

"How do they know that he is a sadist?"

"It's the way everyone describes him. Jacob Scodelario, close colleague to him, said that he likes to find something to use against people for no reason. He has apparently tried to convince several people that they were horrible people and acted all sad and remorseful when called out. I heard that he does the same with the people who just go through the treatment for personal gain as well, despite most likely being his superior. Seems rather impulsive if you ask me. Wouldn't surprise me if he tried to get a job at the pain simulator… Sounds a little like a psychopath if you ask me", Rosengard added a little jokingly at the end.

The description did sound like it fitted Kaoru's situation. If Henry was known for being a manipulative bastard who just did those things to cause pain and chaos, it was very likely that Henry didn't have any personal vendetta against Kaoru. It still didn't feel okay to have that man around his boyfriend but at least it could have been worse. It was ironic that a man who was known as a manipulative sadist pretty much accused Kaoru of being one. If it was projection or just coincidentally an opportunity to take advantage of someone would remain a mystery. But now at least he had something semi-helpful to tell Kaoru.

"There should be a psychological test for these kinds of things", Rosengard cut Kyoya's thoughts short. "I mean, for people to take before they are hired for these kinds of jobs".

"Maybe", Kyoya absentmindedly murmured; he was still somewhat in his own thoughts and didn't quite fully listen to what Rosengard implied. "Is there anything else to know about Henry?"

"No, I don't recall anything else, but I'll definitely fill you in if something comes up. I hope you were at least somewhat satisfied with the information I had".

"I am. Thank you so much, Rosengard. It was very helpful", Kyoya assured genuinely and Rosengard seemed glad about being of help. Kyoya stood up from the couch and adjusted his button-up under his knitted sweater that had ridden up."I need to go back to my room. I'll see you tomorrow morning again".

"Yeah… ", Rosengard said, sounding like he was thinking about something but Kyoya wasn't sure if it was something related to him and this conversation or if it was something else.

He hesitated for a moment to see if his colleague would say something before he left for the door. Rosengard stopped him before he could open it and leave.

"Did it really not get better at all… with your engagement?" Rosengard asked.

Kyoya turned to look at him again and saw that his eyes were glued to a picture frame on his desk. It was impossible for Kyoya to see what was in the picture even with his glasses, but he had no doubt about it being a picture of Rosengard's partner.

"It felt like things improved at first but that was just us being in the clouds. In retrospect, we would have made things more difficult for ourselves if we went through with it. You are still the same people, it's just more difficult to leave each other. And that doesn't make it easier to make it work, a lot of the time you are just trying to keep something dead alive. If you can't fix the relationship in any other way and marriage is the only solution you can come up with… the relationship is already dead… sure, there is a small chance that things might be better, but it's not because of the marriage itself. And from what I have heard, the odds aren't in your favor". Rosengard was still not looking at him but Kyoya could see a small hint of defiance that was battling with other emotions in his face. "Look, I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I'm just explaining my situation. Take it or leave it". With that, Kyoya finally left the small apartment without sparing Rosengard one last glance.

No one was there when Kyoya was back in his own room so leaving the door unlocked had been an unnecessary action, but it's impossible to know what's necessary beforehand. He locked the door behind him and sat down on his couch. The information he now had about Henry Klein was indeed helpful because it explained Henry's motives but everything was, like Rosengard had pointed out, alleged. But taking those as facts (which Kyoya strongly believed they were) made the doctor worried. Yes, he no longer had to worry that a zero hater was working with Kaoru, but now he had to worry that someone who enjoyed seeing people in pain was working with Kaoru instead. Now he wasn't quite sure what was worse if he was being honest.

Hours later, a familiar knock on the door interrupted Kyoya's attempts to do actual work. With a smile, Kyoya walked over to the door, unlocked it and greeted his boyfriend as friendly as possible before Kaoru stepped in and the door was locked. Then Kyoya could hug and kiss him before walking over to the kitchen area. He didn't have many edible things there because he was usually eating in the dining hall and the security was intense, but he had at least a few things like tea, some bags of pringles, coffee and canned soup (in case he was too sick to leave his room).

"You can sit down. I'm just going to make myself tea. Do you want some too?"

"Yes, please. I haven't had any in yeeeears", Kaoru responded with an excited smile and made himself comfortable on the couch.

Kyoya started to wonder if he should follow Rosengard's example and buy some blankets. That could be more comfortable for the younger male while he was visiting and seeing him comfortable in Kyoya's space would make the older male warmer on the inside.

"Any particular taste you like?" Kyoya asked while looking through the options. "I unfortunately only have a few kinds. Black tea-". Kaoru snorted while trying to stifle a small laugh; of course Kyoya liked black tea. The older male just smiled while rolling his eyes. "Lemon tea, earl grey and gingerbread tea. Before you ask, the last one was a gift from Tamaki".

"I've heard about gingerbread before. Not during my time before the military base though", Kaoru thought out loud with furrowed brows. "Is it any good?"

"It's more common here in the western world", Kyoya chuckled. "It's good. It's a little too sweet for my taste but it's good". Kyoya grabbed the brown bag with the tea, opened it and walked over to Kaoru. "Smell and see what you think. I believe you might like it". Kaoru complied when the opening of the bag was under his nose and his eyes adorably widened. Kyoya had to hold himself back from laughing at his expression… The sad fact that Kaoru hadn't eaten or drunk anything really good for so long was enough for him to keep a straight face. "I gather you like it".

"Yes!" Kaoru nodded frantically and smelled it again. "I want this one!"

"Alright", Kyoya chuckled and left with the bag for the kettle before Kaoru could accidentally snort the tea like drugs. "Only need warm water".

They chatted light-heartedly as Kyoya boiled the water and prepared their respective cups of tea. It was fun and pleasant to not dive into something too emotionally taxing… even if it did make Kyoya forget about the matters that he needed to discuss with Kaoru. He had to tell Kaoru the truth about Henry and ask him about project takeover (the latter one wasn't as important, but the curiosity would become too much if Kyoya waited for too long). He also had gifts to give Kaoru, but that was a harder subject to breach. Because Kaoru could still accidentally feel cheap rather than happy.

When the warm water was finished and poured up into two cups, and when the tea bags were in them, Kyoya walked over to the table and put one of the cups into Kaoru's excited and awaiting hands.

"Wait a little before you drink it".

"I'll try", Kaoru whined jokingly and blew some air on the steaming liquid as Kyoya sat down on the couch next to him. "It still smells reeeally good".

"I'm glad. I'll send the gifter your regards", Kyoya said with a grin, that immediately was replaced with a frown when he saw something on Kaoru's right arm.

Kaoru frowned as well when he saw Kyoya's expression. He raised an eyebrow at him in a questioning way before he looked at the same place Kyoya was looking at; only a short glance was needed for his brain to make the necessary connections. He looked back at Kyoya with his eyebrows dropped and a sad look on his face.

"Kyoya", he sighed. "It really isn't- ".

"It was Hikaru, wasn't it?" Kyoya brusquely cut him off and put down his cup on the crocheted tablecloth. His disappointment and worry clearly showed in his voice. "It can't be from the general because… ". Kyoya stopped himself from accidentally exposing himself because he didn't want to risk the blackmail becoming the focal point of the conversation. Instead, he gently grabbed Kaoru's arms and leaned in closer to get a better look. "The nail marks are too small… and I see he got the other arm too", Kyoya bitterly chuckled.

"He didn't realize that he was doing it. He never does…. ", Kaoru assured with a tired sigh; he had not been ready to bring this up again.

"Is… is me hearing that this happens a lot supposed to console me on the matter?" Kyoya snorted and let go of Kaoru who looked rather alarmed at the words he accidentally let out. "You are going to forgive him for this". That was an irate statement, not a question.

"I can't lose him, Kyoya", Kaoru protested weakly and put down his own cup next to his boyfriend's. He couldn't enjoy it now.

"You have to really put down your foot with him. He needs help, Kaoru, and the only help he can receive is us making him see what's right and what's wrong. You can't let him keep hurting you… ". Kyoya looked at Kaoru pleadingly and the raw emotion almost made Kaoru teary-eyed.

Whatever he did, he would always hurt at least one of them. Being treated badly by Hikaru would hurt Kyoya and the possibility of being treated badly by Kyoya would hurt Hikaru. Both of them cared so deeply about Kaoru, but despite his personal bias when it came to Hikaru, Kaoru definitely knew that those scenarios weren't comparable.

"I don't know what to do… ", Kaoru confesses meekly while looking down at his unfolded hands resting in his lap. "He isn't a mean person. He is-".

"Is Rai allowed to hurt you?" Kyoya cut in bluntly and Kaoru blinked at him a couple of times. It took a few seconds for his mind to adjust to the sudden change of focus.

"Well, no", Kaoru uncertainty answered because he was still confused. Although it seemed to make both of them glad that he could answer no without any hesitation. "I don't understand what-".

"Am I allowed to hurt you?" Kyoya asked and Kaoru stared at him with both confusion and disbelief.

"Fuck no. What kind of tangent-".

"Rai is a depressed alcoholic who lost his wife and I'm a troubled man who has issues when it comes to treating his partners or partners' friends in a good manner. Hikaru is paranoid and impulsive. You are keeping me and Rai up to a standard now, but you aren't keeping Hikaru to one. And before you say it, Rai isn't getting any professional help either but I believe by now that both of us can agree that he has no right to put his hands on you".

"... I… ", was all Kaoru could get out. He knew that Kyoya was right, but it still felt like an unfair comparison. At least when it came to Rai.

"How does Hikaru react when he realizes what he does to you?" Kyoya finally asked after realizing that Kaoru wouldn't complete his sentence.

"He… ". Kaoru cleared his voice because it sounded too weak. "He looks horrified every time this happens. This time he stared at his hands, looking scared and disgusted with himself".

"Then it's hurting him as well when he hurts you", Kyoya softly pointed out and Kaoru looked at him with horrified realization creeping up in his face. "If you can't put the foot down for solely your sake, put it down for both of yours' sake. How long do you think he will be able to go on like this? I know you can force yourself through it longer, but do you think he can?"

Kaoru had nothing to say. How hadn't he thought about this before? He had been so caught up in not hurting Hikaru…. that he ended up making Hikaru hurt himself.

Kyoya sighed and picked up Kaoru's teacup from the table and gave it back to his boyfriend. He kept his hands over Kaoru's for a second while smiling at him reassuringly. He wasn't completely comfortable with making Hikaru the ultimate victim in order for Kaoru to take this seriously, but he didn't know what else to do.

"I believe it's good enough to drink now. You don't want it to get too cold", Kyoya said before letting go of his hands and he grabbed his own tea. "Do you want to scoot over here? Or have I made myself annoying in your presence now?" He teased.

Kaoru smiled up at him shyly before he crawled over to him; careful not to spill his precious beverage. They shuffled around for a bit until Kyoya's arm was resting around Kaoru's waist and the risk of spilling in their new position was diminished. Kaoru was still deep in thoughts but he simultaneously just wanted to enjoy his boyfriend's company. Kyoya watched Kaoru closely as the younger male took a sip and immediately perked up in wonder over the taste. This time Kyoya couldn't help but chuckle at his cuteness. Kaoru didn't pay him any mind, he just continued to enjoy his tea, despite the discussion they had previously.

In silence, they sat and enjoyed each other's company for a few minutes while drinking their warm drinks. Kaoru, not having consumed sweets in years, was disappointed to realize that he was drinking his tea too fast. When he was done he put down the cup on the table and they adjusted their position again so Kyoya was halfway laying down with Kaoru laying on top of him; both having their arms around each other. Somehow Kyoya did not spill his own tea all over them.

"I don't want to ruin our little moment", Kyoya said when his own empty teacup joined Kaoru's on the table. "But I have managed to find some information about Henry". Kaoru's ears piqued in interest and he lifted his head from Kyoya's chest to be able to look him in the face.

"What did you find?"

"We don't have to worry about him being against zeroes, but you should take a massive grain of salt with everything he says… he is apparently known as a lying sadist".

"He is?" Kaoru asked, surprised.

But when he thought about it, it did explain some things. Like when Henry assured him that he didn't want to hinder Kaoru from screaming or his general condescending demeanor. Could also explain why he was inappropriately smiling so much, while also trying to convince Kaoru that he was misdiagnosed.

"Yes. You are not the first one he has tried to convince to believe ridiculous things… have you met him before?"

"Huh?" Was Kaoru's confused response to the weird and sudden change of subject. "No, I don't think so. Why?"

"He apparently used to work with the Boys as a personal doctor".

"He might have in the past… I don't know most of the names and faces of the doctors working with the Boys even now though", Kaoru shrugged.

"That makes sense", Kyoya told him.

Maybe it was a good sign that Henry hadn't made things tougher for Kaoru when he was a child too.

They laid in silence again until Kaoru caught something in the corner of his eye. He saw some colorful magazines on the table that he hadn't noticed previously. Most likely because his mind had been preoccupied. Kyoya saw that Kaoru had now seen his "coincidentally" placed magazines and told Kaoru the lie he had come up with before the younger male had arrived.

"I see that you have noticed those, I got them for free from an acquaintance and thought that you might find them more enjoyable than I do".

"What are those?" Kaoru asked and sat up straighter to take a batter look.

His eyes widened when he finally realized what it was and reached over to pick up one of the magazines with a bright grin on his lips. Kyoya lazily draped his arms around Kaoru's middle as the younger male started to eagerly look through the pages.

"If you also become inspired later, I have brought new paper and pencils. My favorite pencil was broken and I had run out of paper, as you probably noticed last time", Kyoya added the last part to really make sure that Kaoru wouldn't question anything.

It didn't feel right that he was just supposed to hide any gift he ever got Kaoru like this. This wasn't the worst obstacle in their relationship of course. They couldn't be openly dating, they couldn't spend as much time as they wanted together, they couldn't live together, they couldn't get married, they couldn't grow old together... Kyoya didn't think about that as much as he should have, but he knew it would become something very cumbersome in the future. He wanted to push these thoughts to the back of his mind for as long as possible. This relationship was most likely going to end badly, but Kyoya wanted to enjoy the now, for as long as he possibly could. It still grated on him that he finally met someone who was good for him and someone he could be good for, only for the relationship to be doomed from the start.

Kyoya subconsciously tightened his grip around Kaoru. It wasn't too much for Kaoru to be uncomfortable, but it was enough to gain his attention. The younger male looked up from the magazine and saw the sour absent-minded look on Kyoya's face; that made him concerned.

"What are you thinking about?" Kaoru asked and Kyoya snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at him. "Is something bothering you?"

Not wanting to have this conversation with Kaoru yet because he didn't feel like he was ready, Kyoya desperately searched through his mind for a good excuse. Luckily, a genuine thing that had been bothering him came up before Kaoru could start to wonder if his boyfriend had a short circuit.

"I just remembered something Rai mentioned. I didn't ask you about it when I first heard it because it didn't feel like the right time for that conversation…. and then I forgot about it… ", Kyoya said and now he had Kaoru's full attention.

"Should I be worried?" Kaoru chuckled a little nervously.

"I don't believe there is an answer that will make this end ugly", Kyoya assured and Kaoru visibly relaxed. He wasn't too worked up to begin with but he had expected something serious… which it could still be, but Kaoru didn't know that for sure yet. "In fact, at this point in life I can one hundred percent assure you that this won't end up ugly", Kyoya corrected and Kaoru laughed.

"So what is it then?"

"It's about something called…. something called project takeover that you were apparently involved with", Kyoya hesitantly said.

Kaoru's happy demeanor only faltered somewhat but Kyoya could feel him tense up slightly in his arms. Still, it didn't look like Kyoya was stepping into forbidden territory.

"Why did he mention that to you?" Kaoru asked and cleared his voice.

"He… he was trying to use that to convince me that I shouldn't be on your side". Kaoru looked confused and Kyoya realized that he had to bite the bullet and just explain this to him. "I… I told him to not hurt you anymore - not because I think you are weak and can't handle things by yourself", Kyoya quickly assured when he saw Kaoru's insulted expression and his desire to defend himself. "I thought that he would take me more seriously because I am not working below him and know the law better than you. You would definitely have a better chance than I at taking him on in a physical altercation, however".

"I am tinier than you… ".

"Yes, but you are better at self-defense. I am a doctor for Christ's sake, I clearly have the wrong skills for hurting someone", Kyoya joked and Kaoru laughed despite still looking a little offended at the fact that Kyoya still felt like he needed to step in like that. "Anyway, he wanted me to feel bad for having a stern talk with him-". Kaoru scoffed at his choice of words. "And was disappointed that I was still on your side after discovering you were a zero. He started to bring up project takeover but I stopped him". Kaoru stared at him with a look of mild incomprehension.

"You are very curious about project takeover?" Kaoru stated after a minute of thoughtful silence; it wasn't really a question.

"I am", Kyoya confirmed.

"Why did you stop him from telling you and decided to wait to talk to me?" Kaoru asked and Kyoya raised an eyebrow at him.

"I wanted you to explain… I know that you prefer me to look through files rather than asking you about things, but this is not in the files I have read and I wanted to make sure that I received an unfiltered and unbiased explanation. Also, it is about consent".

Kyoya wasn't completely honest about the file thing. In all honesty, he hadn't actually looked for that. He just wanted to hear from Kaoru himself.

"I guess you never know what he could add if he didn't feel like the truth was enough to scare you away", Kaoru reluctantly agreed with a deep sigh.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. About project takeover I mean", Kyoya told him while trying his best to not let his disappointment show.

"No, I'm alright with you knowing", Kaoru sighed, followed by a reassuring smile. "I do also appreciate you stopping him partly because you didn't want to hear something I might not have wanted you to hear. I really do".

"I know I probably made you a little irritated with the other thing I said… ".

"Not too much", Kaoru corrected. "I don't like being defended like a damsel in distress… but logically, I would never be able to make him leave me alone by myself because he has no respect for me… ".

"His opinions don't matter, you know that". Kyoya kissed Kaoru on the cheek and Kaoru gave him a small smile in return.

"I do, I do… well", Kaoru sighed again. "Here goes nothing. I don't remember the specifics, but me and Hikaru were too much for our parents so they decided to eventually send us away. They found a group that could take us in… I don't really remember what the group's selling pitch was but I highly doubt that they had been honest with their intentions".

"Not if this group was the one in charge of project takeover".

"Exactly. This group was called 0 Light. They had ideas that felt really compelling to us; the zeroes they had managed to get their hands on I mean".

"Did you meet Jiro there?" Kyoya carefully asked.

Kaoru looked sad for a second as he nodded before he snapped out of it and continued.

"0 Light was an organization ruled by older zeroes and pro zeroes scientists and scholars. They promised that they wanted to work to improve our living conditions. They talked about giving us human rights, about us being treated like human beings. About teaching that it's good to learn how to control our powers instead of suppressing them. They said all these sweet things a young and self-loathing zero wanted to hear… but they didn't seem interested in the civil political route".

"Were they something like a zero Antifa?"

"A… what?"

"Ant… I'm sorry. You wouldn't know what that is", Kyoya apologized with a small sheepish smile and Kaoru assured him that it was fine.

"They wanted to take a more violent route. Project takeover was a huge PR stunt to sell ourselves as people to not be reckoned with".

"And what was that PR stunt?" Kyoya curiously asked and leaned closer to Kaoru to make sure that he didn't miss a word.

So far the information Kaoru had given him was far away from his own theories. Mostly because he hadn't expected 0 Light to be a small organization that wanted to allegedly fight for the freedom of zeroes. 0 Light had sounded like a dark and sinister underground cult or something akin to that. Not a wannabe Robin Hood group.

"It was to show off what we were capable of. An infiltration mission taking place at different locations. Our targets were important or influential people like famous anti-zero scholars or anti-zero politicians".

"What exactly did you do?" Kyoya cautiously asked. He suddenly remembered something else that was brought up in the conversation with Rai. "General Rai mentioned that I could have gotten hurt during project takeover".

Kaoru raised an eyebrow at him while scratching his chin.

"You? … Well, 0 Light was based in Japan… but I think Japan is bigger than Rai thinks it is…. ", Kaoru mused and Kyoya frowned at him. "Our mission wasn't to severely hurt anybody. We were only supposed to make a statement".

"So… you can't see how I would get hurt by the PR stunt?" Kyoya asked, but already felt relief. Confusion over why Rai would have said otherwise remained.

"I guess you could have accidentally gotten hurt when some of us would have tried to get to some of the researchers, who were also working at the universities and such. I don't think Rai took his time to look at where you went to school though, so I think he was just saying anything to get under your skin".

"Or, like you previously hinted at, he thought that Japan was just so small that a small organization would be able to infiltrate the whole country", Kyoya half-jokingly suggested and Kaoru let out a small chuckle.

"A very possible thing", Kaoru agreed with a nod. "But even if he knew precisely where you went, I wonder how old he assumes you are. I mean, I was around ten back then and you are under 30 now. He must have heard that Asians don't age and just went with it". It was Kyoya's turn to laugh. "Anyway, project takeover didn't take off due to incompetence. I don't remember things well because I was so young, but the people in charge were too sloppy and gave shit away instead of making a vague warning. Us zeroes were either locked up or had to join the military".

"You sure joined true freedom fighters back then", Kyoya said sarcastically and Kaoru rolled his eyes with a lopsided smirk.

"Yeah. Many were locked up due to not being valuable zeroes… most of them at least…. because apparently they have returned and are doing some real shady things now. I could almost say that the military is scared of them now so they are sending zeroes in there. Including me of course".

"I don't really understand", Kyoya confessed. "You made them sound like a wannabe activist group who wanted to change the world in their own insufficient ways. How come they are seen as a threat now? And how did they recuperate?"

"I wish I had the answers as well, Kyoya", Kaoru said. His lips were tightly pressed together and lopsided, reflecting his disappointment. "It baffles me as well. Maybe one fucker from the original movement actually found an overzealous and powerful organization that somehow shared his views. I don't know how much I'll ever get to know about it either… me being one of the Boys and all… ".

"That must really be frustrating for you", Kyoya said while gently massaging Kaoru's back with one of his hands. The younger male was currently staring down at the magazine in his lap with a blank expression.

"In a way… I am used to it, mostly, but this is directly related to me… or maybe it isn't… ".

"What do you mean?" Kyoya asked. "Didn't you just tell me-".

"This might be another organization who just chooses the exact same name for all I know", Kaoru elaborated. "Like a cover or something. That could explain why an activist group turned into an 'evil' organization. I mean, maybe they send me in there because they honestly don't think that the people working under that name now even know who I am?"

"That… that could be, yes", Kyoya reluctantly agreed with a sad frown on his face. "You are going to promise me that you'll be extra careful either way, right? Both you and Hikaru of course". Kaoru smiled at him as assuringly as he could.

"Yes, of course. I'll make sure that nothing bad happens to either of us". Kyoya smiled back and ruffled his hair.

"Good… do you want more tea?"

"You can bet your sweet ass on that I do".