Zero

by TheBordelineNonAlcoholicWriter

Many people were suddenly born with strange powers they have to pay a painful price for. Like humans do when something happens that they don't understand, they try to get rid of what they see as a threat... or use it to their advantage, and maybe that's even worse. What could be the next step in the evolution is used to further ta us back. (Updated description)

12. Chapter 12 It's out

A/N: Thank God this is a shorter chapter for me to edit.

TRIGGER WARNING: I forgot to mention in the first chapter that this story contains horrible and violent homophobia. I wish I had remembered to add it earlier and I am really sorry that I didn't. It's more apparent in this chapter than others I think so that's why it's important to at least give a warning before you read this.

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Chapter 12. It's out.

Even after two weeks since they first told each other that they loved each other, Kyoya still felt warm on the inside from thinking about it. It was a familiar situation (because he had been in long-term relationships before) so he knew it could take a while for him to get used to this (especially now when he was in an actually healthy relationship). He knew that Kaoru was most likely feeling not just a little terrified. At first he was terrified because he (wrongfully) didn't believe that he could love anybody… and now he was terrified of this new feeling and the implications. Which caused Kaoru to not say that he loved Kyoya after that day. It was fine, Kyoya could understand. He wasn't saying it very often himself but he wasn't someone who said cute things all the time (only in certain situations and yes, Kaoru did make fun of him for it… he even made fun of him for how sappy he was during their "I love you"-conversation, but it was playful so Kyoya didn't really mind).

"Oh, hi?", a person Kyoya almost walked into greeted politely.

Kyoya stopped walking just in time to not cause an accident and looked up at the tall stranger. Even if Kyoya could say with complete certainty that he had never seen that young man before, he could guess almost immediately what the person's occupation was from the heavily bandaged hands (or what was left of his hands because he swore that at least a couple of fingers were missing). This was clearly a zero with a high probability of being one of Kaoru's friends… Yes, Kyoya did in fact pay attention to what Kaoru talked about.

"I apologize. I didn't see where I was going", Kyoya politely said.

"That happens", Ryoichi assured with a small smirk. "I don't think I have ever seen you on this part of the base before".

Kyoya raised his eyebrow at him in confusion before realizing that he had been thinking so deeply about Kaoru and love, and all the other sappy crap that usually occupied your mind some time in relationships, that he had taken several wrong turns.

"I don't… I don't think I have seen myself here before either", Kyoya said while looking around in the oddly retirement-home-looking place.

Ryoichi chuckled at Kyoya, and the doctor tried not to show that it annoyed him. The zero probably hadn't been given the choice to properly learn how to act in social situations and most likely didn't intend on being insulting.

"It's not that difficult to find your way out. Just go out of the door behind you and follow the corridor to the closest elevator".

Ryoichi smiled one last time at Kyoya and was about to turn around and walk to whatever place he was on his way to when he remembered something.

"Do you know a lot about zeros?" He asked and Ryoichi stopped and looked at him with a curious smile. "I am asking because I have a patient who is a zero and there are some things about him that neither one of us understand. I am not under the impression that you're an expert just because you're a zero, but you might know more about this than he does".

"I guess it's obvious that I'm a zero?" Ryoichi chuckled while twisting one of his bandaged stumps. "Wouldn't it break confidentiality if you told me about your patient's problems?" Ryoichi teased.

"Maybe but I know he won't be able to rest until he knows what's wrong with him", "I can't rest until I know what's wrong with him". "But if you help, you can't tell anyone about this".

"I can keep secrets… especially when it comes to one of the twins".

Kyoya was taken aback and needed a second to realize that this guy had pretty much figured out who the patient was… which made sense if…

"You don't happen to be that mind-reading zero that's part of Kaoru's treatment, are you?"

"I sure am", Ryoichi chuckled again. "But I didn't read your mind. I assumed you were a personal doctor to one of the Boys because the doctors from the hospital area are very knowledgeable about zeros and wouldn't ask a random zero for advice. Personal doctors that I haven't seen before are usually designated specifically to the Boys. There are only three zeros among the Boys. Among those three, there is a low probability that the third one, the one who isn't a twin, would have some zero related concerns because his powers are barely utilized… unless the problems you are worried about are concerning him not using his powers enough of course. But you seem to know Kaoru, so my previous guess was the correct one", he explained, looking quite proud of himself before his smile faltered. "He is my friend you know, so if something is up with him then I want to help".

"Alright… but let me be the one who tells him that you helped me with this. Just so he won't get the wrong idea".

"That's fair", Ryoichi agreed with a nod. "Well, I probably do know a lot more than him. It's not his job to know, but it's kind of my job and privilege. Ask away".

Kyoya knew what he wanted to ask about, he wanted to ask if there was any chance that seeing things that weren't there wasn't as bad as they thought it was, but it was difficult to get the words out. This was one of those things that had a 99 percent chance of being a completely ridiculous thing to ask. He didn't think that Ryoichi would laugh out loud at the question because of the serious implications, but the zero would still probably think he was an idiot for asking (even if he would hide it because it concerns his friend). Being hesitant, Kyoya decided to ask about something much less silly, something that was also bothering Kaoru a lot.

"Should Kaoru be worried if he conflates his memories with the memories from his missions? He thought something was his childhood memory, but then it turned out not to be".

Ryoichi looked thoughtful for a few seconds, but not in a way that suggested that he had to think hard to see if he knew about this or not. Kyoya would go as far to say that Ryoichi even recognized the problem and was trying to decide if he should be worried or how much he should be worried. That did not make Kyoya feel calm about the situation at all.

"It's difficult to tell, especially because he and I have very different powers… but I have been through very similar things in the past".

Kyoya's eyes widened and he subconsciously leaned closer in interest.

"You have? And it's gone now?" He asked, trying not to sound too excited because he didn't want to give away their 'unprofessional' relationship in case Ryoichi couldn't be trusted with that piece of information.

"Yeah. Just like Kaoru, I conflated things. Obviously not my memories because it's not related to my powers, but there was a period of time when I couldn't tell my own thoughts apart from others'. I don't know if I subconsciously read other people's minds or if I was just so thoroughly convinced, but it was very painful and shouldn't have happened".

"How did it happen? I don't mean to dig into your personal life, but if Kaoru might suffer because of the same reason… ".

"No, I get it. It's not too personal at all. I don't really have a personal life. I don't know the details because I was so out of it - I'll have to ask doctor Heinz when he comes back- but I think it have something to do with how much I utilized my powers. I don't know if you have heard about the theories around how bad it is for us to not use our powers enough, but I think it's bad to use them too often as well. Albeit not as bad. My problems solved themselves when I was given a break from using my powers so much. I also haven't used them as frequently as I used to since then".

"Unfortunately, I don't think they would ease up on Kaoru".

"I think the opposite", Ryoichi disagreed. "They don't want us scattered".

"Scattered?"

"Yes, that's what zeros who conflate things like this are called", Ryoichi explained patiently. "If you tell Grimes or any other superior about Kaoru being scattered, then they will give him the same treatment they gave me, guaranteed. After the main mission of course. And he will still be useful to the military as a blockade and the occasional memory mission to keep him balanced. You know, because being a blockade won't require him to use any powers".

This sounded too good to be true, was there an easy and attainable solution for Kaoru's memory problems? The added bonus of the breaks Kaoru would be forced to have (even if Kaoru wouldn't be so happy about it) would be much needed for the redhead's mental health (even if it wasn't much). Nothing goes this smoothly for Kaoru. Kyoya didn't think this was even possible at this point. Even if there was something that still seemed odd to Kyoya…

"Why did you hesitate for so long before you answered me?" He inquired, suspicious. "I mean, you took a long time before you told me if you thought that this was serious or not".

Ryoichi looked confused at first, then conflicted before he smiled reassuringly at the doctor. Kyoya wasn't quite sure how to take that.

"I did go through different scenarios but ultimately decided that he was probably going through the same thing as me", Ryoichi explained but Kyoya wasn't satisfied with that answer.

"So, there are situations where this is a warning sign for something horrible then?"

"Technically, yes, but none of those scenarios really fit Kaoru's situation, as well as mine. For example, there are cases when people use their powers subconsciously as well. Using them subconsciously a few times is normal, but it happening too often is not good. I also know of people who conflated turning on the powers and turning them off. As you see, it's a huge difference. Unfortunately, because a lot of us don't have exactly the same powers, there isn't much research behind Kaoru's powers at all. But you must admit that his and my situations are very similar. He and I kinda have similar powers too, so it makes sense".

It was unclear if Ryoichi's arguments were thoroughly convincing or if Kyoya was just extremely desperate, but this did make Kyoya much less worried about Kaoru's memory problems. It did make sense, Kaoru was using his powers usually several times a month, probably way more often than he needed to. Pursuing the solution Ryoichi had dropped neatly wrapped with a nice bow on top in his lap seemed like the best thing he had been given in a long time.

"Is there anything else you're worried about?" Ryoichi asked and Kyoya sighed, here goes nothing.

"One day he saw a girl that no one else saw".

Ryoichi looked extremely concerned for a while and Kyoya's mood dropped significantly. Then something unreadable took over Ryoichi's face.

"What were the circumstances? Has he seen it for a while?"

"He sees it sometimes. It shows up a few days a week and stays for half an hour or so. It doesn't sound like normal psychosis to me, so I'm wondering if there is a small chance that his own powers could be playing a trick on him… or I'm not really sure what I'm hoping could be the reason at this point", Kyoya explained, sounding defeated.

"Does anything special happen the days she shows up? Does she show up during the days he is using the pain simulator?"

That last part really caught Kyoya's interest. The first time Ryoichi made an accurate guess about Kyoya it was understandable, but Kyoya could see no logical reason for how the zero could possibly guess this. It made him feel more hopeful because this meant that this guy could possibly know something of importance.

"Yes, when I think about it. It's always those days. I think it starts when he is… when he is under the serum… ".

"You are getting warmer even without my help", Ryoichi praised with a smile. "I am really not surprised that Kaoru doesn't know this, but zeros can leave traces. Exactly what they leave behind depends on the zero's powers and the zero's skills. For example, if someone made a serum of my powers, I could probably control them through the serum or insert my own voice in their heads no matter how far away they are. I am special though, or at least my abilities are".

"Wait, so the girl Kaoru saw… ".

"Is the girl who originally utilized the powers used for the pain simulator. The most common trace is making the person taking your serum see you… even if you're dead".

"So, she isn't alive anymore?"

"No, she is long gone. I guarantee it 100 percent".

"Did the military kill her?"

"I highly doubt it. I think it's more likely that they bought her serum from the place who did. Doesn't feel as morally wrong I'd assume".

"So, Kaoru isn't going insane?" He is just seeing her trace?"

"Bingo", Ryoichi beamed. "And the assholes working over there probably didn't even bother to try to explain this to him… I feel really bad for him, you know. Poor Kaoru, he must have suffered from these thoughts", Ryoichi said sadly with a lopsided frown.

"He has, that's why I appreciate that you were so willing to help", Kyoya said with a smile. "Thank you… ?"

"Ryoichi", Ryoichi filled in. "No need to thank me. Just help him relax now, he needs it".

"I will do that", Kyoya promised and they said their goodbyes before Kyoya half-ran back to his office, remembering that he was actually supposed to check on Kaoru's mental state again.

They hadn't actually talked much in the last two weeks because Kaoru had been exhausted from everything he had to go through. Kyoya had assured him several times that it was fine and they could catch up after the main mission but Kaoru was still stressed and worried about putting a strain on their relationship. The older male was worried about him but there wasn't much else that he could do.

"I apologize for being late", was the first thing Kyoya said when he entered his cubicle. "I was so tired that I accidentally walked the wrong way".

That could be considered partly true but there was no way that Kyoya was going to admit that he also went the wrong direction because he was too busy being on cloud nine about his and Kaoru's "I love you"s, no way in hell.

"That happens", Kaoru said with a small smile and Kyoya took his first actual look at him with furrowed brows; Kaoru would normally have laughed at him or teased him.

The younger male sat on the examination table like usual, he looked tired and worn out in a way that made him look older than he was. The smile on his face didn't look like his usual smile, it looked like someone else's; someone mature and slightly detached. It didn't even reach his eyes fully.

"Are you alright, Kaoru?" Kyoya asked and put his hand on Kaoru's cheek.

For a moment he feared that Kaoru wouldn't appreciate that move but he was proven wrong. The smaller male closed his eyes with a content sigh as he leaned into his touch and rubbed his face against Kyoya's hand. The sight was adorable but not enough for it to sidetrack him.

"Just tired. My body hurts too because I strain myself under the treatment", Kaoru silently answered as he opened his eyes again. "You don't have to worry".

"I'll take your word for it right now", Kyoya said and dropped his hand from Kaoru's face before sitting down on his chair. "I am supposed to ask you questions again".

"So I've heard", Kaoru answered.

"But first there are some things that I need to tell you".

"Will something be added to my treatment?"

"No, nothing like that", Kyoya assured and could see in Kaoru's body language (slumped shoulders and twitching in the corners of his lips) that he was thoroughly relieved by that fact. "I have stumbled upon some information that you might want to hear".

"Really?"

"Yes, first of all, it seems like you have stumbled upon another zero's trace".

Kaoru raised an eyebrow in confusion and he looked more like himself than he had done that day.

"Zero's trace? Is that like an STD only zeros can get?"

"Is this your way of saying that you have hooked up with a zero recently?" Kyoya teased and Kaoru chuckled as well this time, albeit not for long.

"I guess not. Don't worry. So what is this zero trace?"

"Well, apparently zeros can leave little gifts with their serums. I have no idea why zeros can do that and I'll definitely look more into it if I can, but I believe the most common form of the trace is the zero's presence… in other words, the girl you see is just a trace. It's a shadow of the girl to whom the powers belonged. At least that's what the zero I met told me".

Yes, Kyoya had already forgotten his name but he thought that his boyfriend might have been able to guess who it was anyway. Kaoru looked to be somewhere in between hopeful and skeptical. Kyoya couldn't blame him, this did sound a little like something Kyoya could have either made up or accepted as gospel out of desperation. The amount of disbelief Kyoya had felt in his conversation with Ryoichi because of the fact that things were never this simple for Kaoru might have been a lot, but it was nowhere close to the amount the redhead must have felt right now.

"You are saying that I am basically being pranked right now?" He finally asked, incredulously. "That the girl is a sadist who makes me see her every time I take the serum?"

"I don't know if it's serum exclusive or if zeros can leave traces in other situations too, but yeah… I know how it seems, but I'm telling you the truth. You are only seeing her when the serum is active in your body and she fades away with time when the serum is leaving. I bet the men who work with the pain simulator were well aware of this. They probably knew exactly what the deal was with the girl but didn't see a reason to actually tell you… you could always ask them if you're still unsure".

"I want this to be true… and it does sound more likely than me just suddenly seeing things… I have other things to think about… so I'll believe it for now", Kaoru concluded, sounding too tired to properly care.

It made Kyoya grow more concerned but he didn't want to make the situation harder for Kaoru by convincing him that he should be worried about this. Maybe that was selfish, but Kyoya just wanted him to feel any hint of calmness at this point.

"You also don't have to worry about your memories. Conflating things with your powers like you did is apparently a normal response to using your powers too often", Kyoya made sure to add. "I know this sounds like I'm being a worried mother who tries to make you work less - and I won't deny that I like the idea of you getting time to rest - but this is genuinely a good theory from someone more well-read on the subject. It makes sense, you do use your powers much more often than you would if you didn't have to do the missions".

"... are you saying that I need to stop doing missions?" Kaoru asked with a sad chuckle at the end.

"No, that wouldn't be realistic. You only need a break and then you can continue".

Kaoru leaned back on the table and looked up at the ceiling with a frown on his face. After a few seconds of thinking, Kaoru chuckled again and looked back at Kyoya.

"I don't know if I can believe that the solutions are that easy for me, but I don't have anything that suggests something else right now so, like I said before, I'll trust you on this for now… so… the questions?"

"Uh? Oh, yes of course", Kyoya stumbled over himself, while being surprised that Kaoru wanted to move this along so fast.

He tried not to feel insulted, but bad habits don't die fast. Kaoru wasn't trying to be rude or push him away, he was in fact almost literally falling asleep where he was sitting. It was natural for Kyoya to find the smallest things and overreact, but this time he painfully swallowed whatever he wanted to say about the matter.

"I do appreciate that you once again went and found ways to make me feel better, but I really need a nap", Kaoru explained apologetically and it was unclear if he understood that Kyoya felt hurt or if he just wanted to make it clear that he didn't want to leave early if he didn't feel like he had to.

"You don't need to explain, I understand", Kyoya assured, even if it was a lie because the explanation did calm him down significantly. "Do you remember the questions?"

"Barely. I don't think I remember most of them but I guess that's the point".

"It is. The first question is your name".

"Huh? … Oh right, you're starting. Kaoru".

It was slightly perplexing that it took a minute for Kaoru to realize what was going on considering that he was the one who brought them back on track. However, it could be explained away by low energy so Kyoya dismissed his concerns and continued:

"Only Kaoru?"

"The one and only", Kaoru chuckled. "No last name", he added and Kyoya nodded approvingly and wrote it down on his notepad after picking it up from the desk.

"Your brother's name?"

"Hikaru, also no last name either".

"Good, good… age?"

"18. I have finally completely gotten used to the change of age".

"That's usually the case… I assume I won't be able to remember my age every year after I turn 30", Kyoya assured jokingly and Kaoru laughed a little longer this time. "Location?"

"This American military base… I still have no idea where or in what state it is but I also still don't have to know".

"What's your doctor's name?"

"Your name is Kyoya Otori if we are going all American".

"Going all American?" Kyoya repeated in amusement before continuing. "What are you doing here? At the base, what's your purpose?"

"I am part of the Boys who use my powers to visit other people's memories to collect information that our superiors want us to collect… also, I'm tortured in order to become a blockade. Something that would prove to be incredibly unnecessary if I don't become a blockade in time for the mission. Would suck for me".

Kyoya examined Kaoru with a look to see if he could find any sign of him joking but couldn't find any. Kaoru said that with a straight face and the more time that went by, the more it was obvious that Kaoru wouldn't break the tension with awkwardly timed laughter to show that this was indeed him just playing around.

"Well ", Kyoya said awkwardly and cleaned his throat. "You have answered all the questions well. You can go and rest now".

Kaoru smiled fondly at him before jumping off the examination table. He stumbled slightly because his limbs were just as exhausted as his brain. He blew a kiss playfully at him before leaving, most likely to show that things were still good.

---

"Have you done anything you shouldn't, Kyoya?" Jackson asked when Kyoya walked past him in the direction of his office.

Kyoya stopped and turned to look at him with a scrutinizing look. He didn't think that anything on his face really gave any sort of thought away, which was good. Obviously, the first thing his mind went to was his inappropriate relationship, and the second thing was that this was just a stupid joke. One of those things was not like the other. Apparently, it just looked like Kyoya was deeply offended over the accusation instead.

"Don't be like that, I'm just curious. Because of what I've heard", Jackson explained with a sheepish smile.

"What have you heard?" Kyoya asked, trying to sound calm and slightly confused, even if he was slowly freaking out on the inside.

Had he really been too careless? Yes, he knew that he had been appearing too caring when Kaoru needed to be taken to the hospital, but he had been making sure otherwise that their relationship appeared professional only… but maybe he hadn't? Maybe he was sloppy, too affectionate outside of his room, the signs they sent each other were too obvious, they spoke about each other with too much fondness… and now they would pay for it. Kyoya forced himself to not show these feelings to Jackson, there was a chance that it was just a stupid rumor about something completely pointless.

"Not much actually", Jackson relented with a disappointed sigh that could be taken as an opening for Kyoya to fill him in. "Just that you'll be asked to meet Grimes shortly for some reason. It could be a rumor, 50 percent of the time it actually is… but… have you done anything?"

"Not to my knowledge, I can't fathom why he would want to meet me", Kyoya lied straight-faced. "Could it be related to my patient's involvement in the mission? If he really wants to see me that is".

"I don't think he would be the one to inform you… if it isn't something secret that he wants between as few eyes as possible".

"Maybe, but for all we know this is just a rumor".

"Yeah… I hope it is… I won't keep you".

Kyoya nodded at him before proceeding to his office cubicle. He probably looked calm and collected, maybe even looked like he was going to forget this conversation shortly. In his head, there was another story. The logical part of his brain was pushing his worry back as much as it could, he could be freaking out over nothing after all. He needed to calm down for now, this could just be a rumor. How could Grimes even know about him and Kaoru? Kyoya tried to do his work but he spaced out several times when his head was filled with fears and then filled with counter arguments that only settled him for a short amount of time.

For what felt like hours later, his phone rang and he almost jumped up in surprise at the sudden sound. He took a few seconds to calm down his rapidly beating heart before he answered it.

"Kyoya Otori, how can I help you?" He asked, not being entirely sure what he was supposed to say otherwise that didn't sound mean, like "what do you want?"

"This is Nora Whittle, Grimes' secretary. Grimes have requested a personal meeting with you this afternoon at 3 pm if you have nothing else planned on your schedule".

"Fuck… this is bad, this is horrible. What am I supposed to do? Is there even a chance that this isn't about me and Kaoru?"

"I don't think I have anything planned that I can't do afterward", Kyoya responded after clearing his voice to make sure that it sounded strong and secure to not give away his panic. "What is the subject of this meeting?"

"I have not been informed of that, unfortunately", Whittle said, sounding a little disappointed for not knowing… and probably at Kyoya for not knowing either.

"Can no one here mind their own business? … but why doesn't she know? Why would Grimes try to keep this secret? … he wouldn't. He wouldn't gain anything by keeping something like this to himself… maybe this isn't about our relationship after all?"

Kyoya relaxed significantly but some worry lingered and would most likely not disappear fully until after the meeting. He needed formal confirmation that he was in the clear.

"You said it was at 3 pm?" Kyoya asked, not faking his normal demeanor this time around. "Does he want me in his office?"

"At 3 pm in his office, yes. I'll confirm with him that you'll be there".

"Good… I'll see him there".

"Have a good day".

The secretary hung up and Kyoya sighed. Returning to work this time would definitely prove to be less difficult, but not without its obstacles. Even if he wasn't entirely convinced that the subject of the meeting would be their forbidden relationship anymore, there were still valid questions that erupted from the conversation with the secretary; what was the meeting about if it wasn't about them? And why only between him and Grimes? Should he be (more) worried about Kaoru? Had something gone horribly wrong with the treatment? Kaoru had been acting weird, but was it just because of tiredness? … and now Kyoya was zoning out frequently once again.

---

It was 4 minutes before 3 pm. Kyoya knocked on Grimes' door purposefully. He was told to enter and obliged. It was nearly impossible to read Grimes' body language for any indication of the direction of their conversation. This fact made Kyoya feel uneasy to the point he started to suspect that the older man was doing it intentionally. A ridiculous passing thought, but it proved to be greatly difficult for Kyoya to think clearer than that.

"Is the door closed?" Grimes inquired while stretching his neck to look past the doctor to see for himself. "Good, you can sit down".

Kyoya did as Grimes had said immediately and let himself fall down on the semi uncomfortable chair in front of his dark office desk. Not seeing any opening to talk yet, despite the question he received prior, the Japanese male stayed silent.

"You look tense", Grimes commented while looking him up and down. "I am not surprised".

"Is my body language appropriate for the situation?" Kyoya awkwardly asked, half-jokingly but Grimes didn't smile.

"Depends on you".

"On me?"

"You are having a romantic relationship with Kaoru, aren't you?" Grimes asked, straight to the point and still unable to be read.

Kyoya froze in place. Despite his earlier panic, it took him some time to actually take in the situation and realize what he was (rightly) accused of, because fearing something and experiencing it was two very different things. The small part of him that tried to push away his bad thoughts earlier must have managed to make him believe that this would never happen after all, and he mentally cursed that part now. He should have planned for this, dared to approach the subject earlier but he was a delusional coward. Now he had to pay the prize, now he was going to lose Kaoru.

"You have been very careful", Grimes praised with a flat voice and scrutinizing look. "But when you get too emotional you are careless".

Kyoya wanted to ask how he knew, how long he had known, tell him that this was all a big misunderstanding and beg him to not send him away, but no words could pass through his quivering lips.

"I am a thorough man", Grimes continued. "I had suspected that you were friendlier than you would let on. You have awful colleges you know, they spread any rumor they get their hands on. You know, you being extremely hurt by Kaoru being a zero, you making Rosengard ask around about Klein, you having private and long conversations with Kaoru in your shared language… or the way you acted when someone didn't move out of the way when you were trying to get him help the other day… the boy himself is sometimes too delirious to properly understand what he does and say in the company of others, suddenly asking about love out of sudden? The general might have wanted to draw laughs out of us but I sure thought that was a bit too convenient with my suspicions… honestly, this was a little of a far-fetched guess, but I see now… ".

He saw now in Kyoya's reaction that his suspicions had been correct. The doctor absolutely loathed himself for not controlling his emotions enough when Grimes accused him. He was supposed to be composed and stone-faced. Blaming the stress and worry he had been plagued with for a while for his lost composure was a justified action, but it wouldn't help him to get out of this mess without dire repercussions. He wasn't sure who to blame; himself? Rai? Duncan? He really wanted to blame Duncan and his big mouth.

"I don't usually keep an eye on people this closely, but Kaoru and his situation differ from the norm greatly. Does anyone else know about this?"

"... Hikaru… ", Kyoya breathed out in defeat and looked down at the ground. "And two friends I know from outside of the base".

There was no reason to lie, especially not when it felt like Grimes knew way more than he let on. The older man looked a little disappointed at the mention of someone outside of the base knowing anything of the ongoings in there, but there was also something else in his face that Kyoya couldn't quite put his finger on.

"So this isn't just something casual?" Grimes asked and Kyoya slowly shook his head. "Good, then you will take me seriously. I need you to stay away from him for a while… we need to make sure that he completely understands what's going on and that this isn't a case of grooming".

Kyoya was unsure of how he was supposed to react to this. He didn't quite understand... Was Grimes just expressing concerns over their power dynamic? Why wasn't he firing Kyoya on the spot?

"Will we be apart permanently or temporarily?" Kyoya asked after a short dubious silence, with the little flame of hope burning at the back of his mind.

"Depends on what conclusion we come to. If we think you are a mental or physical threat to him then we need to let you go, but otherwise, we still need to have a stern talk", Grimes answered and leaned back in his chair, Kyoya couldn't believe his ears.

"So, if our relationship is decided to be considered a healthy one… you're alright with it?" Kyoya asked in complete disbelief with a frown on his face as he finally looked up at Grimes again.

Grimes looked completely serious. It was easier to read him this time around. Kyoya could even tell that Grimes looked a little disappointed and a little suspicious; disappointed in Kyoya for overstepping these boundaries and suspicious because he wasn't completely sure that Kyoya wasn't taking advantage of Kaoru and therefore putting the mission in jeopardy (at least that's what Kyoya got out of it). Kyoya really wanted to defend himself until his face turned blue but he knew that it wouldn't change anything… or maybe it would make Grimes even more suspicious, who knew?

"In theory yes", Grimes reluctantly confirmed and Kyoya cheered internally. "But like I previously said, it depends on you. I need to make sure that you understand some things".

"What things?"

"Well, you either love or really like him if this isn't casual, right?"

"I love him, yes", Kyoya confirmed. "But I know that's not enough".

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I can't stay here forever but he has to. There are more things that differ from the relationships I'm used to of course".

"I'm glad you are smart enough to understand that this is much more different", Grimes nodded approvingly. "I hope you are smart enough to keep to the rules".

"The rules?"

"Yes. I couldn't care less about healthy relationships within these walls as long as the people involved aren't making things more difficult. None of you here can make babies anyway. You have to keep this quiet and out of anyone else's business. You can never try to convince Kaoru to not do what he is supposed to do - that includes keeping him away from missions without actually unbiased reasons behind it, trying to convince him to leave the base with you, actually trying to take him away, hinder his blockade treatment and just in general being in the way. It's going to be more difficult for us to take you seriously unless you have good proof if you report that something is wrong with him because your ability to be seen as objective will be almost completely diminished. You can never speak about a hypothetical future outside of the base with him either, no marriage talk or family talk. The people who know about you and Kaoru now are the only ones allowed to ever know. If we determine that you can't be objective at all, you will either be let go or change patient… the first option is more likely".

The conflicting emotions within Kyoya made him incredibly confused. Obviously, he was relieved and happy that he didn't have to leave Kaoru and could even continue their relationship (if he wasn't wrongly accused of being abusive of course) but the rest of the things Grimes had told him was quite alarming. He could understand to a certain degree why his credibility was dubious at best after this, but how was he supposed to help Kaoru with his memory problems now? How was Kyoya supposed to help Kaoru with anything? Only Kaoru's testimony would bear any weight now and the possibility of Kaoru letting Kyoya make him work less was slim. Losing his trustworthiness made him ashamed as a proud man and doctor, but not being able to properly help Kaoru was horrifying.

"Can you promise me that you won't do anything I told you not to do?" Grimes firmly asked.

"Y-yes", Kyoya answered and cleared his voice so it would sound less weak. "I promise. As long as I can be with him then I am ready for anything… when and how long will the investigation be?"

"The investigation about if you are a predator? It will start tomorrow and take maybe a week or two. Depends on him".

Kyoya loathed how unbothered Grimes was about hypothetically calling Kyoya a predator while it made Kyoya fuming. He forced back his anger, not wanting to make the situation worse.

"I never want to hurt him. I would leave him if I was bad for him", Kyoya said calmly but defensively, making sure to not sound aggressive.

"We will see about that", Grimes responded with a cold look on his face. "I have nothing else to say, but if you have any questions then now is a perfect time".

Kyoya was filled with questions, but none of them felt appropriate to ask. However, there was something that had been bugging him for a while now, something that wasn't related to this conversation at all but this was the perfect opportunity to ask.

"I have one thing to ask, but it has nothing to do with this… I need to get the opportunity to learn more about zeros and become less useless when Kaoru has zero related problems. I don't want to be left out anymore".

The shock erased a lot of the sternness and disappointment from Grimes' face. Grimes was taken aback and needed a second to recover. It insulted Kyoya because it pretty much confirmed that Grimes had just expected the worst from him. To an extent, Kyoya could understand that in most cases people in Kyoya's position were legitimately predators or sketchy types, and not just entering a situation believing that the other person was older than he was. Still, it was insulting and degrading.

"You want to be more helpful to Kaoru?" He asked half in disbelief and half intrigued and curious. "You know that you would have to drop your position as helping the research team, don't you? It would take up too much of your time".

"I didn't know that but I believe I need to prioritize this instead".

"Do you know what you're asking for at all? You would need to spend a lot of your time shadowing doctors from the medical area- even if they perform excruciating treatments and surgeries on Kaoru himself- while studying to be allowed to treat any zero-related issues. You have to see more of the darker side of zeros. Are you willing to do this?"

"I am. I need to for my own sanity. I need to know how to properly care for him, especially because he doesn't know everything he needs to know about his own group. No one told him about what a zero trace was but made him go through a process that would inevitably make him stumble upon it… so you could say that it's for his sanity too", Kyoya explained and Grimes looked more puzzled.

"He wasn't informed of Julie beforehand?" Grimes asked in incomprehension. "It's his right to know everything about the process, are they trying to break laws on purpose?"

This was the sweetest confirmation Kyoya had ever witnessed. This meant that Ryoichi was 100 percent correct about the zero trace, which meant he was most likely correct about the memory thing too.

"Julie? That's the girl's name? Or was I mean. You actually used to know her?"

"Not very well", Grimes grunted. "I normally don't like to share other people's business like this but it's good for you to know if you're adamant about learning. Julie was a girl we found way back before I got the position I have currently. You know how the rules were back then, if criminal zeros were considered dangerous and useless then they would either be locked in special prisons without the chance of parole or executed".

"Criminal? What did she do?"

"She tortured her ex-boyfriend for leaving her. Apparently, she cheated and he didn't approve. We found a use for her, found her a place and gave her money for her serum, even gave her money for a couple of months after we found a way to replicate her serum without her. However, she was a deeply disturbed girl - as you probably guessed after what I told you. It's common for these types of zeros to become disturbed. Not because it's ingrained in their DNA or any other silliness, but when you need to use powers that cause harm to other people then you either live with self-hate or develop sadistic tendencies. I assume she fell for the latter option because it's easier to handle than self-loathing. The most difficult zero types to handle are combat ones. When you are forced to hurt other people so much in order to stay alive you just aren't the same. Lucky for you we don't utilize those types anymore".

"I think Kaoru is already giving me plenty of stress-induced heart attacks as it is, so those types would be a little overwhelming… How did she die?" Kyoya couldn't help but ask while he was trying to let everything he was told sink in.

"She lost her battle with an eating disorder. Understandable in a way, she didn't really have any reasons to get better after all", Grimes answered nonchalantly with the slightest hint of sympathy. "Anyway, you still seem determined on learning more".

"I am. This is what I need to do".

"Then I'll make the necessary preparations, but after the investigation".

"I understand, you wouldn't want to make those decisions before knowing for sure if I'm even going to stay".

"I'm glad. Do you have anything else you feel the need to bring up before the meeting is over?"

Kyoya could tell that the addition he brought to the conversation did win him some points from Grimes. The older man went from being very cold and suspicious to just slightly cautious. Even if this was quite bothersome, It made Kyoya feel at least a little thankful for the fact that they actually put effort into making sure that none of the Boys were in dysfunctional relationships, even if it was for selfish reasons. Kyoya would have been even happier about it if he didn't feel like he was sitting in front of Chris Hansen.

"I don't believe so. Thank you for giving me this opportunity".

"It will make you more useful in the long run. If you can sleep better at night then that's a plus. We will contact you when we have made a decision about your relationship. Kaoru will be made aware of why he and you aren't interacting for a while. You are dismissed".

Kyoya nodded and left the room. That last part was highly appreciated by him because just ignoring Kaoru without an explanation would make this whole ordeal much more unbearable. The level of concern about the investigation was relatively low because Kyoya knew that he wasn't a groomer or any other kind of predator. Again, he thought Kaoru was closer to him in age when he first started to sleep with him and their relationship had been pretty healthy considering the circumstances (and Kyoya's bad habits). He wasn't in denial about the fact that his age could cause imbalance, but he was trying to make both of them as equal as possible… not that he could think of many opportunities when he needed to do that. Maybe Kyoya was just as immature as Kaoru was mature… no.

---

Of all the things Kaoru had been forced to go through, an investigation about Kyoya probably owning a white van was the oddest one. Not because it was the weirdest thing that had ever occurred to him... it was actually weirdly normal in a way. This would probably have been looked into in some way if they had been normal people after all. When Kaoru was made aware that their relationship wasn't secret anymore, it had almost sent him into a meltdown but the man who was assigned to tell him had enough decency to quickly explain the whole situation to him. He was in disbelief for a while that it was actually fine for him to date his doctor. It probably wouldn't have been fine if one of them could get pregnant, but why was this still allowed? Maybe Grimes thought that it could make it easier for him or something? If he ever got the chance then he would ask… or maybe not, maybe he would accidentally convince the man to change his mind by making him think it through. Maybe that was silly but he was close to his breaking point.

He was so lucky that both Kyoya and Hikaru were trying to be as supportive as they could. It helped immensely but he couldn't make up his mind about if he deserved it or not. The treatment caused him a lot of distress, lack of sleep even during the days he was allowed to sleep and the coffee was making everything worse. Both body and mind were taking a toll. His appetite was at an all-time low, his head was filled up with weird thoughts and bad impulsive tendencies (like breaking off every relationship he had, smash his face against the mirror or run around for hours… he have done neither), his hair was starting to fall out more than it should and he was neglecting other needs, like going to the bathroom, clipping his nails, showering or being social. Duncan hadn't been helpful at all, it seemed like he was under the impression that all Kaoru had to do was force-feed himself and sleep… you can imagine how thankful the redhead was for that advice…. Anyway, back to his current issue; the investigation. Kaoru had been questioned (interrogated, but a little softer) and he had been lying on some points, but not for the reason you might think. He had told them that he lied to Kyoya about his age, that they started to sleep with each other closer to his 18th birthday and that Kaoru was more pushy than Kyoya had been for them to be in a relationship in the first place. In hindsight, those lies might have been unnecessary. For example, telling the truth about the first two things might just have made them believe that Kyoya was an idiot who didn't check things properly, but he didn't want to take any chances. The third thing was probably the worst thing to lie about, because… actually, it would look horrible if they discovered that he had been dishonest about all of those things. But they made it clear that they wouldn't trust Kyoya more than him in this investigation so he was golden.

"Heya there Kaoru!" Duncan called five centimeters away from Kaoru's, rather absent-minded, face.

Kaoru obviously jumped in surprise, flabbergasted. He glared up at Duncan from his chair at the table in the social room until the blond Boy was starting to understand why what he just did wasn't the smartest move in the world. The bright grin that occupied Duncan's face turned into a sheepish apologetic smile.

"I am really sorry, I thought you noticed me. I have a hard time seeing the difference between you looking at me or just happen to look at me. I should probably have gone with a softer approach… So what is my favorite twink drawing?"

"Do you mean twin?" Kaoru hesitantly asked, not sure if he wanted his correction to be correct or not because of how insensitive and rude it would be towards Hikaru, who luckily was absent at the moment.

Hikaru had his own preparations for the mission. Not as thorough as Kaoru's of course, but they wanted to make sure that he had enough control over his powers when the time was right. It was also important to test Hikaru early enough for his fingers and toes to heal enough to be good to go during the mission. It was morbid and the thought of what he had to go through bothered Kaoru but it is what it is.

"No, I meant what I said", Duncan assured playfully with a wink as he sat down next to Kaoru. "As the resident homo you need to learn the terminologies, you know".

"Aren't you the resident homo at this point?"

"Weirdly not, I have no idea how you got the reputation you currently have. So what are you drawing?"

"... a dress", Kaoru reluctantly relented and removed his hands from the drawing (he didn't want to deny or act too coy in case Duncan would see that as an opening to snatch the drawing to be able to see for himself).

"Oooh, preeetty", Duncan said and ogled the drawing in a way that made Kaoru feel self-conscious and uncomfortable. "I'm glad to see you make your magic again, drawing seems to make you relax, at least from what I have noticed".

"I guess it does", Kaoru smiled weakly. "It is both calming and stressful, but not stressful in a bad way. I like a little stress like that, it fuels me to improve and the end result - and being proud of it- is the best feeling".

"Would you ever want to learn how to sew? Because you only draw clothes. Beautiful clothes".

"If I could then yes… does that make me into a stereotype?"

"People usually learn to sew in the military, it's a very useful skill to have… I think that the only reason we don't have it here is because it's not macho enough for a bunch of teenage boys, but I think we could bring it up and see if we can get something".

"Not macho enough? … but being desperate enough to get sucked off by another guy is macho enough? Not saying that gay men can't be macho, but they are certainly less known for being macho than sewing".

"I get what you mean. I guess a blow job is a blow job", Duncan shrugged. "It would have been nice to see you make a dress or something one day, especially considering how much you have improved lately with your drawings".

"Thank you, I guess I accidentally stumbled upon some inspiration". "Or borrowed magazines from my boyfriend". "I don't think I would be able to make a dress or something like that even if we convinced them to get us sewing kits".

"Perhaps not", Duncan begrudgingly agreed. "But you'll learn the basics at least and it might also turn out to be another relaxing hobby".

"Maybe", Kaoru sighed with a longing look in his eyes.

Apparently, Duncan decided that they needed to go and see if they could convince their superiors to get sewing materials now because he grabbed onto Kaoru's arm and pulled him up from his chair. Kaoru almost fell but Duncan caught him with a teasing smirk on his lips as he squeezed Kaoru's waist before he gently pulled him away from the table and out of the room.

"We don't have to go and do it now you know".

"I know but the thought of them possibly allowing you to sew excites me more than it should".

"Is seeing people sew a fetish?" Kaoru teased.

"What? No! Nothing sexual… but I'm up for almost everything if you're interested", he couldn't help but say with a wink and Kaoru playfully rolled his eyes. "Can't I be excited about finding ways to make my friends happy? Especially the drop-dead gorgeous ones?"

"... you were so damn close… so close to making me feel moved there… Then you had to ruin it, you horny homo… ".

"I couldn't help myself, you know that", Duncan laughed hard. "But let's go!"

They walked through the corridor, past the Boys' rooms, before exiting the area. Kaoru didn't feel too optimistic about the idea of him ever being able to sew ever coming to fruition, but now he knew that he wouldn't be able to push these thoughts out until he had at least tried to see if it could work. A tiny part of him was at least a little hopeful so he knew that he would be at least very disappointed to get his request denied (that's usually what the smallest hint of hope caused for some reason).

This was the most helpful Duncan had been throughout the treatment. Maybe Duncan had realized that as well, that telling him to eat and sleep (and sometimes proposition him) wasn't doing anything productive. A little voice in Kaoru's head couldn't help but bring up a theory about Duncan probably hoping that Kaoru would eventually have finally reacted well to his sexual advances in order to really "calm down", but then recently gave up on that idea. It was unclear if this was him expecting the worst of the blond boy or if he had just gotten to know him too well. Whatever the case, he didn't want to dwell on it now.

The loud sound of something huge, but not completely hard nor soft, falling to the ground echoed in the hollow hallway. The two guys were immediately pulled away from their light-hearted banter and their eyes moved towards the source of the rudely interrupting noise; it was a drunk general Rai. This was both irritating and concern-inducing to Kaoru, what was the old man even doing here? His office wasn't even close by.

"Are you alright, General?" Kaoru tentatively asked, being a little braver than Duncan who looked like he wanted to do something helpful but simultaneously being too scared to do so in case he would accidentally end up infuriating the General (it made Kaoru wonder if Duncan had ever been attacked or if he had just heard the stories).

"Yeah, I guess, whatever", Rai grumbled. "Klein isn't easing up on me, fucking prick! Told me he would tattle if I showed my face there again. What's wrong with the younger generations nowadays? Can't have an adult conversation without running crying to the elders to solve their problems".

Rai kept on ranting for another minute but Kaoru zoned out for the most part. Rai did pretty much just say the same things over and over again but with more and more colorful words. The redhead seriously doubted that Henry was this scaredy-cat who unprompted threatened to tell on Rai like a child. No, Henry probably thought Rai was becoming more cumbersome than entertaining and just wanted to prevent more harassment. Obviously, Kaoru couldn't care less about if Henry felt uncomfortable, and not only because he put his sorry as in this situation in the first place. The truth was just very important because there was an alarming difference between being the aggressor and being the victim (not that Henry was painted as an aggressor).

"Henry... isn't an easy person", Kaoru hesitantly added, not wanting to outright lie and confirm Rai's biased retelling of what had happened while also trying to get Rai on his side so he could get him out of there before anyone else saw them. "Can you stand up, General? We can leave you here if you would prefer that. We wouldn't want to be in the way".

It was absolutely necessary for him to not talk down to Rai or approach him like he was an equal or lesser in any way, no matter how pathetic he appeared right then. Kaoru still needed to treat him like a superior, not out of respect, he just knew how he had to play the game. He prayed to whatever God or Gods that existed that Duncan would keep his mouth shut. Said Boy looked very taken aback by the careful way Kaoru talked to the General… God help them now...

"Yes, leave-", Rai started to say but his arms buckled under him as he tried to stand up and he fell on his face. "On second thought, help me to my office".

"Of course, General", Kaoru said and motioned to Duncan to help him out.

Both teenagers grabbed one of Rai's arms each and wrapped them around their shoulders. They helped the drunk old man up and put hands around his middle to stabilize him more. When they started to walk, it proved to not be an easy task. General Rai was a tall and wide man with heavy muscle mass (Kaoru wasn't horny for him when he was younger for nothing) and it made Kaoru and Duncan strain themself just to be able to keep his body from hitting the floor.

"You know where his office is, right?" Duncan asked Kaoru when they approached the elevator. "Because I don't believe I have ever been there before".

"Well that should confirm that he hasn't been attacked before. That's a huge relief, even if it could have helped Duncan understand the need to be careful more".

"I know the way, don't worry", Kaoru assured with a strained smile while hoping that Duncan would keep quiet for the rest of the walk so he wouldn't risk saying something that would tick Rai off.

His heart was beating unhappily rapidly out of stress and heavy lifting until they finally reached their destination. Luckily, Duncan's complaints about how heavy Rai was, was limited to harsh breathing and scrunched up faces that was completely missed by the loudly ranting Rai who still wanted to make sure that they knew that Henry was every shade of dick.

"Can we put you down for a second, General? We are pretty small so we can't hold you and unlock the door at the same time", Kaoru asked while sending Duncan a 'don't say anything' glare so he wouldn't dare try to rebuff.

"Yeah, whatever", he grunted and inhaled sharply as the Boys, as slowly as they could, helped him glide down the wall into a sitting position on the floor.

Kaoru heard Duncan curse loudly as he opened the door and for a moment he feared that Rai had hurt him. He promptly turned back to look at them and saw, horrified, that there was blood on Duncan's hands. Not completely covering but still a worrying amount. However, Duncan didn't look like he was in pain, just perplexed and panicked. He looked up at Kaoru with wide eyes.

"The old man is fucking bleeding, Kaoru!"

"What!?" He exclaimed and hurried over, pushing Duncan to the side and there it was, blood pouring out from a (luckily) not too big wound above his left hip.

"How the hell didn't we notice that before!? Why aren't you reacting!?" Duncan shouted, now looking at a successively infuriated and annoyed General.

Sensing an oncoming conflict at the worst time imaginable, Kaoru quickly intervened before Rai could attack or Duncan could say something worse.

"The alcohol is clearly numbing the pain. Run to the medical bay and get someone here to help, go!"

Duncan miraculously didn't need to be told twice. He just nodded at Kaoru before running away, stumbling slightly in the beginning. Kaoru turned to look at Rai again.

"I am really sorry about him. He has no filter. Do you need my help to get in, General? I would really want to help you stop the bleeding until the professionals are here if you would let me".

"I don't need any fucking children to baby me. The wound ain't that deep. I know wounds".

"No, but I would assume that it would be bothersome to get blood everywhere in your office", Kaoru pointed out, hoping this approach was better received.

"... I guess that's true… Give me your shirt and then help me to my desk. I think I can stand up but I'm still a little 'wingly'".

"Yes, sir", Kaoru said, relentlenty, before pulling his shirt over his head and handing it to the older male so he in turn could hold it against the wound.

Kaoru felt a little exposed and uncomfortable, standing in the hallway in just shorts. He crossed his arms over his naked and scar covered chest while being thankful in that moment that he was always so adamant that Kyoya wouldn't put hickeys or mark him above his waist. Rai rolled his eyes at him.

"Those aren't even real scars, stop being prissy", he mumbled and Kaoru raised an eyebrow at him.

"If my scars aren't real scars, then what are they?" Kaoru asked as respectfully as he could despite being annoyed with that random comment.

"Well, they are… You know…".

"I don't. They used to be deep wounds and caused permanent marks on my skin. Isn't that what scars are?"

Raid didn't answer but Kaoru hadn't expected him to give a good explanation anyway. This was definitely the weirdest form of gatekeeping Kaoru had seen yet, even from Rai. The old man was probably far too drunk to come up with a better 'zeros are different/worse than normal humans'-argument and just decided that Kaoru should be okay with looking like this because he was a zero. If the argument had been that Kaoru should be okay with it because it's part of his powers then it would have held more weight but Rai had probably not even thought that far. More than likely, he just didn't like the human reaction or something in that direction.

"Did Henry stab you?" Kaoru inquired, changing back the subject. "I heard he said that he had something to defend himself with".

"Defend himself my ass. Pussy. Now help me up", Rai ordered and Kaoru obliged, wary.

He highly doubted that Henry just attacked him because he was annoyed. No, Rai was definitely the aggressor, especially now when he was completely shit faced. This was a bad development, very bad. This meant that Rai was now fully capable of attacking people of a higher rank than the Boys, important people who could get his ass in trouble. If the General was becoming more and more impulsive, would Kyoya's protective measures even work now? Could Rai seriously hurt him or even kill him? Okay, maybe not kill… but being severely hurt didn't sound so appealing either. Even if Rai didn't realize or care about this, he must realize (once he was sober) that he might have jeopardized his career and Kaoru wondered if that would finally snap him out of whatever mindset he had that justified his violent behavior. The General groaned quietly as Kaoru almost dropped the heavier man on the desk (maneuvering him to the chair felt too risky).

"Thanks", Rai grumbled while putting more pressure on his wound with Kaoru's shirt.

Being back here alone with him made Kaoru feel very uneasy. Especially now when the old man was drunk and more easily triggered than usual (or is he being drunk the new usual now?). He thought that he would eventually get over what had happened during their last violent encounter but he couldn't. It didn't make any sense for him to still be so bothered by it, especially considering that these thoughts never crossed his mind otherwise. Maybe it was the familiar scenario that brought this up again. A part of him started to fear that the General would try to make a move again and then try to beat him up for rejecting him like last time. If he hadn't been in a relationship and Rai wouldn't have been angry and horrified afterward, Kaoru knew that he would have given in. Not because he wanted to, but because he didn't want to be accidentally killed, Rai losing his job and if it would have made Rai feel better (which it definitely wouldn't in this universe, but this was hypothetical) then it would feel like the safest option. At least the old Kaoru would have given in, the current Kaoru wouldn't have even if he was single. The thought of what he would do while vulnerable was scary but he knew himself too well to be able to deny it.

"Your boyfriend seems pretty annoying. Do you even think he can find the hospital?" Rai half joked with a forced chuckle that would have been more painful if he wasn't so numb from whatever beverage he had been binging on.

"My friend wouldn't have left if he didn't know where it was-". "I think". "-So you have nothing to worry about. He is just very clumsy with his words".

"He hasn't been beaten by his parents enough… if he has parents, he ain't a zero, right? Do normal Boys have parents?"

"He is not a zero no. Some non zero's do have parents and some don't. Most of them tried to get into the military - you know, the normal way - but they weren't qualified for whatever reason... but were perfectly qualified for this. I don't know much about it, my situation is very different", Kaoru explained, ignoring the child abuse comment despite how disgusting it was.

"I don't care much for the details regardless", Rai shrugged. "Maybe he is like this because he is an orphan like you".

"So, he and I are alike?"

"... I guess not… but orphans act weird in general".

"Because we have never been loved by our parents?"

"Because you have never been loved by your parents, yes", Rai confirmed with a nod of approval and Kaoru started to really wonder if Rai even knew what he was talking about or if he was just saying what made some kind of sense to him.

Realizing that Rai was saying a lot of things that didn't make sense made Kaoru feel less adamant about not being able to feel love. He might just have to accept the fact that Rai, a person he had respected and looked up to for years, was just full of bullshit and prejudice. To an extent, he was already made aware of this, but letting the fact sink in that Rai might be pulling pretty much everything out of his ass was difficult. Where did Rai learn about zeros? Where did Rai learn about the psychology of children, orphaned children? No, Rai was just presenting his opinions as facts and so far Kaoru was the only one suffering from it. Correcting Rai was also out of the question for obvious reasons. This was a frustrating situation.

"We need to do something about Klein", Rai declared, interrupting Kaoru's thoughts. "You need to help me with him".

"What do you mean? My hands are tied, I have no authority over him". "And he can make things more difficult for me if I cross him, I just know it".

"Well he just stabbed me, Kaoru. I can't let this go".

"I know and I think you are allowed to be pissed at him for hurting you, but if he is using self-defense as his excuse then-".

"It wasn't self-defense!"

"I didn't say that, sir", Kaoru assured while trying to keep his voice steady. "But that's a defense he can use, especially considering your history. I think what you need to focus on is damage control".

It wasn't that Kaoru was afraid of feeling pain, he inflicted it on himself when he was doing his missions (or when he used to do the missions before he was put on the bench for some time). But there was a big difference between his sacrifice and getting the shit beaten out of him, in his opinion.

"Why do you think that they would take his side? He is the one who needs to fix his mess!"

"Because we have laws that protect people who defend themselves", Kaoru said, trying not to sound too annoyed (he was arguing with a drunk man, what did he expect?). "If it wasn't self-defense, you have to prove it. But you are drunk so they might take him more seriously so you need to ponder over your next move".

"I don't need to do anything. He. Stabbed. Me. They will now see that he is insane. Is he even allowed to have a knife on the base?"

Kaoru was about to open his mouth to continue trying to get through to him but the last thing Rai said hit him. Now, Kaoru wasn't an expert on knives, but it looked like the wound wasn't made by a scalpel. Surely that would mean that Henry had an unauthorized weapon on the base? Could that be enough to distract from Rai? Yes, yes it would. The General was excused from everything after all. This could mean that cutting Rai off wasn't the only solution, maybe Henry could lose his beloved job too? It made him curious, what would Henry do now to help himself? The man was sober and should have been able to more clearly think over his options than Rai so he was probably freaking out about what to do to keep his dream job… A part of Kaoru kind of wanted Rai to suffer from consequences as well because if he was leaving scot-free… that man would think that he could do anything. That thought horrified Kaoru.

"If he carries an illegal weapon then his defense would weaken", Kaoru relented, quietly.

Even if that was the case, Kaoru still thought that Rai needed to think through his own defense. However, he wouldn't be able to go anywhere with the General as long as he was drunk. He needed to let it go for now.

"Exactly. So, don't worry about my situation. He is clearly the one in the wrong, stop being a cunt", Rai said with an eye roll and it annoyed Kaoru to no end.

"Am I cunt for worrying about you?" Kaoru couldn't help but ask in disbelief. "I just don't want anything bad to happen to you".

"Really?" Rai chuckled derisively. "Because to me, it sounds like you believe deep down that I am the bad guy and that you need to help me cover it up. Such a traitorous bitch. But what can I expect of zeros… ", he accused and it became increasingly more difficult for Kaoru to hold back his anger (even if Rai was correct about Kaoru believing it was his fault, the rest was uncalled for).

"Wowowow, no need for the insults… sir. I am just trying to look out for you. I don't like Henry, why would I defend him in any way?"

"Because he is an attractive young man?" Rai answered like it was obvious, shrugging. "Isn't that what homos like you want? If you are a good little boy for him then he'll let you suck him off, is that what this is about?"

Kaoru stared at him gobsmacked. He was in complete incomprehension over the out of the blue question and the sheer ridiculousness of it. Him and Henry? That thought never even crossed his mind even before the blond doctor showed him his true colors. Normally, this accusation would probably not have made him so infuriated but things were not easy for him at this point in life so he was currently visibly fuming.

"I have no interest in him like that. I am genuinely disgusted that you could even suggest that. I am not horny for every single guy out there. He and I will never have sex or even a friendship either for that matter".

"I doubt he would want to have sex with you, it's not him I am talking about. But he is your type, right? You like them on the younger side, closer to your age? Don't pretend like a little fag like you aren't turned on by him… ".

"He is a shitty fucking person!"

"LIKE YOU CARE!" Rai bellowed and Kaoru flinched, almost every trace of rage left him and was replaced by fear, what the hell did he do? "All of you young people just want to fuck each other! You don't care if the other person is a decent human being or not! Shallow fucking cunt… ".

He continued to go on a rant about Kaoru being a "shitty and shallow person", about every young person being a "shitty and shallow person", about everyone being unnecessarily hostile and backstabbing against him and how Henry was a pathetic horrible person who didn't deserve anything or anyone. Kaoru was left stunned by the turn of events; he had no idea how and why they got to this point. The General was red in the face and the murderous intent grew in his eyes, but why? Was this just another random drunken rant, or did Rai feel deeply hurt by something? It proved to be difficult for Kaoru to pinpoint the focal point of this tantrum. He couldn't think of a situation he knew of where Henry had "gotten everything and Rai had gotten nothing", like it sounded like Rai was going on about currently. Was he talking about access to the memory treatment? That could have been a good guess if it wasn't for the whole "young people only wants to be with other young people" part of the rant… a sudden worrying thought hit Kaoru but he refused to even slightly humor the thought. No way.

"I don't understand", Kaoru warily told Rai when the General had stopped talking (shouting) and was currently breathing heavily to replace the lost air in his lungs. "Have I missed something? With all due respect, I have no positive feelings towards him whatsoever. And what is all this talk about my and people in my age's sex lives?"

Rai looked at Kaoru like Kaoru had just asked if eating the entire desk (with pencils and all included) would be a substantial diet and Kaoru didn't know if he should have felt stupid or patronized by it.

"You have been horrible to me, you know that? I have known you since before you had hair between your legs and have helped you find usefulness on this base, helped you find another purpose or a reason to exist. And you are still so damn disrespectful… ".

Kaoru sighed and forced himself to calm down (at least appearance-wise, you can't just force yourself to feel or not feel something) and sighed deeply.

"I apologize if I come off as disrespectful to you right now. I am… a little hysterical", he forced himself to say through gritted teeth. "I am not really myself right now".

"But you were yourself that other time and you were just as disrespectful", Rai argued with a glare full of disgust directed at the smaller male, it almost looked like wanted to spit in Kaoru's face.

"Last time we talked or last time I was here? I was under the impression that we had a civil conversation last time we spoke. I can't recall that I said or did something inappropriate but if I did then I am sorry about that as well. I didn't mean to".

"Stop acting stupid. I am not talking about that!"

"Do you mean the fight we had?" Kaoru asked in disbelief, angry; he had been under the impression that they both understood what happened and that Rai knew very well that he was the aggressor and preferred the fight over the alternative that could have happened if Kaoru had been more vulnerable. "What part did you think was disrespectful? I was trying to prevent you from making mistakes you would regret… like killing me", he said, refusing to bring up the other thing because it was still an uncomfortable thought.

Rai sighed in annoyance and crossed his arms with a sneer. He pierced Kaoru with his narrowed eyes for a couple of minutes in silence. The anxiety grew within Kaoru and he didn't know what to do. Apologizing for everything proved to be a bad move because it only showed Rai that Kaoru had no idea what he had done wrong. It felt like he was doing a presentation in front of a teacher that could stab him to death with the ruler if he didn't do a satisfactory job. What irked him was that he had not been told before the presentation what he was actually supposed to talk about and that he and the teacher had read books about the same subject but with different facts, because Kaoru had no idea what Rai could be so angry about. Maybe Rai had started to blame the people he attacked in favor of ignoring accountability? Another horrible development if that was the case.

The palms of Kaoru's hands were sweaty and he wiped them on his pants every two seconds or so while he tried to not glance at the door; he didn't want to appear even more disrespectful by indicating in any way that he wanted to leave. Where was Duncan? Where were the staff from the hospital? The redhead couldn't tell if less time had passed than he had thought or if they were actually later than usual. If it was the latter, he could fathom that the doctors might have been busy, didn't take Duncan as seriously as they should (it was a small wound after all) or maybe Duncan couldn't find the way after all or was hindered in some way. Still, it felt like they were taking their sweet time just to mess with him. Maybe they were sitting down with a cup of tea and talking about the latest dilemma about being 50 and thinking about women around their daughters' age while being married (yes, Kaoru had heard some talking about that before). Again, logically that wasn't what was actually happening but the impatience and stress made him extra irritable.

"You actually don't know?" The General asked slowly in blunt but spiteful incomprehension, finally deciding to cut Kaoru's suffering in his own head short. "I have quite a hard time believing that you aren't throwing yourself at others just to be the annoying 'rebel' you teens always try to be. Brats like you make me even more glad that I never got any children, you know".

Then it finally hit him. The thought did tease him a little earlier in the conversation but he had pushed it away, now it came back stronger, hitting him over the head until it broke and filled his mind with a new batch of newly brewed dread and fear. It made sense now, Rai's weird ramblings, but it didn't connect with any other action he had seen. Had he missed something huge that could have warned him about this? No, that couldn't be. There must be something more to this, something worse.

"You are… ", Kaoru hesitated, not actually wanting to get the words out and open Pandora's box. "You are… angry that I stopped you?" He finally asked and the silence was less patronizing this time. "Wh-why? I thought you were happy about me stopping you? Hell, you are straight!"

"Doesn't mean that I appreciate you not knowing your fucking place, Kaoru", Rai sneered and slowly stood up, making Kaoru take a small step back subconsciously. "I fucking need you, you know that. You know that well! The only person in here that treats me the way I should be treated and you want to take that away from me!"

This just brought on a new layer of confusion for Kaoru, but he could tell that Rai wasn't thinking clearly either. Let's get over everything, Rai wasn't into men but was mad about the rejection and felt like Kaoru was purposefully 'throwing himself at others' just out of spite. Some puzzle pieces were missing, but he had conducted a theory that he also didn't want to bring up. However, his last hunch proved to be unfortunately correct so this might be correct as well… and much more unfortunate…

"Do you… do you feel like you own me?" Kaoru asked, tentatively while his fists clenched out of hidden anger; anger that boiled over within seconds and he couldn't prevent the disgusted scowl from taking over his face. "I am your subordinate and friend, that's it! I am not trying to harm you in any way because I care about you a lot, but this needs to stop. You don't want more of me and I don't want more of you! What do you exactly want? You would have been disgusted if I hadn't stopped you and you know that! I am thankful for everything you have done for me but you need to spend time on yourself and work this shit out! You are acting like… !" "Acting like Hikaru".

How long had Rai been going through the memory treatment? Kaoru's serum was part of that, how couldn't he have considered that the side effects could be the same before? Obviously, a lot of his behavior was because of grief he couldn't work through for whatever reason, but some things did look painfully familiar when he actually went over them in his head with a new perspective. The justification behind violent behaviors, the paranoia, the warped sense of reality… the unhealthy possessiveness over Kaoru. Again, this could probably occur from untreated trauma as well, but the circumstances were too alike for this to just be a coincidence. Especially the part about claiming some sort of ownership over Kaoru (even if Hikaru didn't do it as bluntly). Kaoru was a skinny little young guy, why in the world would Rai feel attached to him to this degree, to the point of thinking that he needed to sleep with him despite it sexually not being appealing at all? If Kaoru had been a young woman he could have understood it better. A small part of him even considered that him being the original source of the powers used in the serum could have influenced how attached the two guys got but quickly dismissed it because none of the other Boys who eventually lost their minds became like this (they usually ignored him or tried to harm him). Kaoru came to the conclusion that he was just the most stable and nicest person currently in Rai's life. Like Rai had pretty much confirmed, hence the weird deep one-sided connection. In any case, this was bad, really really bad. He couldn't be around the General anymore, a part of him even started to think what would happen if he confirmed Henry's side of the story. This could potentially become an extremely dangerous situation, he needed to do something.

"Shut up!" Rai shouted and Kaoru flinched again, almost praying internally that someone would come in; the doctors, Hikaru, Duncan (who wouldn't be able to do anything), the soldiers… even Kyoya, despite not wanting to be seen as a damsel in distress (God he missed him and wanted him to help him now). "You owe it to me! Without me, you would either be neglected or 'retired', which would mean that they would put you down like an animal because zeros like you can't be let out in the world. I need you and you need me".

Kaoru wasn't sure if he should believe him or not about what would happen to him if he was retired. Sure, he had always been terrified of whatever could happen but he started to consider that Rai had tried to purposefully put him down all this time so he would be submissive enough for him. Why else would he constantly say things that would make Kaoru feel bad? How he said horrible things about zeros out loud instead of at least keeping it to himself around Kaoru, the downplaying of Kaoru's emotions, the unproven things he shared like "facts" about Kaoru's ability to feel feelings… Was Rai really this ignorant old man or was all of this his way of making Kaoru complicit and insecure enough to control him? Was it a mix of the two? Either way, this man was toxic and dangerous. Every warning signal in Kaoru's head was going off, he couldn't think about what to do in the future about Rai now. He either had to escape or prepare to be attacked… and the look in the older man's face told him to prepare himself for the latter. Yes, the door was behind him but Rai could just lean behind him and manually lock the door from there.

"Why haven't they taken that privilege from him yet!? Haven't they learned anything!?"

"You are so fucking ungrateful, Kaoru. Is it because I'm not Henry? … or Kyoya?" He asked with a mean grin and Kaoru's heart jumped uncomfortably in his chest, he really hoped that he was just making random accusations and hadn't figured their relationship out (even if they now had it confirmed that they could potentially stay together). "Because you wouldn't mind if Kyoya needed you, right? He probably only protects you because you suck his dick. Is that what it is? Whoring yourself like a girl so he can save you from the big bad man? Fuck you Kaoru".

"L-leave Kyoya out of this! I didn't make him come here, I didn't even know that he did that at first. But whatever is going on or not going on between him and I is none of your business! My life isn't your business. Like I've said, I am very grateful for things you have done-", Kaoru said like a broken record. "I am not ungrateful, but I don't owe you myself just because of that. If I'm owned by something, it is the military. Not you, not anyone else. I am sorry if you are hurting but things can't stay like this… please Rai, pl-please understand", he begged, with a shaky voice from fear as the general walked closer; he didn't even care about using the correct title. "I don't want to hurt you but I don't want you to hurt me either… please… ".

Kaoru wasn't entirely sure what he was pleading for, was it for him to hear him? Was it for him to let him go and not hurt him? Was it for him to calm down? He wasn't sure, but he knew that he wanted to leave and go to Kyoya like last time, but he couldn't leave and he wasn't allowed to meet Kyoya anyway. Being alone with Rai had been a terrible decision, he should have followed Duncan after taking Rai to his office. He wished that he hadn't left the social room in the first place to ask for fucking sewing materials, then he wouldn't have seen Rai so Rai could have been discovered by someone else instead and Kaoru could have been left out of this. Yes, learning what Rai actually thought of him was probably a good thing, but right now it wasn't worth the price.

"I thought that I knew you", Rai said with so much malice, hurt and disgust in his voice that Kaoru actually felt a little ashamed, despite knowing damn well that he hadn't done anything wrong… right? "I thought I did, but you're a fucking horrible person. Is it fun to play with my feelings like this? I thought you were different, I thought you were kind, that you were an actual good person. You just pretend to care about me… ".

"I don't pretend!" Kaoru cried desperately. "I wouldn't have made sure that no one could see you out and about drunk if-"

A hard punch in the face made Kaoru fall down to his knees. His nose and cheek stung and burned; a familiar sensation. Blood poured down his face into his mouth and his nose was throbbing. He had been too surprised to react when he was first hit, but now when his senses had caught up, he looked up at Rai, puzzled and hurt.

"Shut the fuck up, Kaoru!" The General yelled and Kaoru, despite being afraid for his life, glared up at him. "Don't look at me like that! You. Have. No. Right!"

Before Kaoru could react, Rai grabbed into his hair and the teenager yelped and had to quickly stand up so the old man didn't pull his hair out as he yanked him upwards. Kaoru's eyes were almost closed and he groaned in pain while taking a hold of the General's hand to distribute weight and make the hair pulling less painful.

"Stop whining, fucking cunt!" The General bellowed, pulled him back to the desk and smashed his face into the hard wooden surface. "You won't be able to make a fucking sound".

The impact made it feel like his forehead was splitting open and painful vibrations went through his teeth and up to his gums. His vision blackened for a second before turning into hundreds of colorful dots that slowly faded away until all he could see was the dark wood he was squished against, covered in the shadows cast by his head. The pain slowly subsided until only his already damaged nose was hurting as it was pushed harshly into the desk. Rai laughed and stumbled slightly in his steps.

"You are so weak and pathetic, Jesus Christ. You just can't do anything back, only defend. Barely that, just look at you… oh, you're not gonna do that", Rai warned and grabbed Kaoru's hand as he tried to push the help button. "Try to do that again and I'll break your arms, got that? You wouldn't want your ability to wank off half of the base to weaken, right faggot?"

Kaoru really wanted to throw it back at him and remind him that he was the one being a "faggot" when he tried to have sex with Kaoru and then got deeply hurt about being rejected. He wasn't suicidal so he kept his mouth shut. A whine escaped his lips as Rai forcefully pulled the hand he was holding back and placed it uncomfortably on Kaoru's back, holding it in place. A mean chuckle erupted from the old man as he stepped closer to Kaoru's body and leaned down over him so his lips were close to his ear. The position made Kaoru freak out even more, him being bent over the desk in such a vulnerable way. Rai would probably not do anything like that to him but it still made him extremely distressed nonetheless.

"What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna cry for your doctor or any other John for help? Is that what you are gonna do? Weep? Do zero's even cry out of fear? Do it then, show me something human. Because I have no problems with hurting a filthy animal", he whispered as Kaoru's body was shaking, he could smell the alcohol in Rai's breath. "Go ahead then, cry. Cry to prove that you didn't pretend to be human all this time, prove that you aren't the heartless zero who was playing me for your own convenience. Cry. Start crying! Cry for your doctor! Cry for your psychopath of a brother!"

Kaoru's body stopped shaking but Rai didn't seem to notice, or if he did he decided (wrongly) that it wasn't anything for him to worry about. Instead he continued to mock him relentlessly.

"Do you think he would finally snap? I have wondered what the hell that little runt would do if you died. I can imagine he would either try to kill someone or take your corpse and refuse to give it up. They should have put him down long ago, it would have been a huge favor to everyone. I mean he is probably in the way of you too, right? How can you be the proper fag you are with him hanging over you like he owns you-".

A fatal mistake Rai had made was only holding down Kaoru's right arm… while leaving his left one alone… the arm that was closest to his unattended wound. Kaoru pushed his two longest fingers into the bloodied mess, into the General's body. It wasn't as hard or deep as he wanted but it was surely enough for Rai to hiss loudly out of pain. Rai let go of the infuriated Kaoru and took a step back to nurse his injury. The much needed adrenaline resurfaced in Kaoru's veins and he tied his fists before he threw a punch at Rai's face. He had been aiming at his nose but Rai looked up just in time for the knuckle to hit his jaw.

Being more used to combat, the old man quickly grabbed the offending hand so Kaoru raised his leg and kicked Rai in the stomach, partly on the wound that squirted out more blood on Kaoru's shoe. The scowl disappeared as Rai's face contorted in pain and he screamed. He fell to the floor but kept the iron grip on Kaoru's arm so he fell down with him, almost hitting his head and neck on the edge of the desk.

Rai let go of his wrist (most likely leaving a bruise behind), stared into Kaoru's wide eyes in silence for two seconds and shoved the younger male into the table behind him. Luckily it was only his shoulders that made impact and not his head. It still hurt but not as much as it could have.

After Rai had recovered enough a second later (blood was still pouring out of him to a worrying degree). He grabbed Kaoru's legs to pull him closer and Kaoru's arms were flailing and looking for something to grab, one of them went under the desk to wrap around the foot or something like that… but he found something else. He almost couldn't believe it, was this thing still here? Hadn't Rai picked it up when he cleaned his office after their previous fight? He didn't have time to think about that right now!

It felt like it happened within a second because it happened so fast, but at the same time it felt like the longest second in existence; that's how he would always remember it. Kaoru wrapped his fingers around the handle on the scissors, just like he had done previously. The difference was that he wouldn't have the time to even consider dropping them again this time. He flew up and jumped onto Rai and pushed one of the dull blades of the scissors through his eye. He could feel the slightest pressure, but the soft tissue gave in and Kaoru had to stop himself from accidentally piercing into the skull. The edges around the blade were gooey and the white surface slowly turned red. At first, Rai could only emit silent breaths from the back of his throat as an expression of shock and pain overtook his face. That moment felt like it never ended.

Then time was rapidly passing by again. Rai started to scream, but this time it didn't sound human. It was filled to the brim with excruciating pain and horror to the point of almost sounding animalistic like the human sense had disappeared and left only the basic instincts behind. This wasn't the insane drunk who attacked him, this was now a wounded old man that was scared and hurt, like an old deer that had been shot and was crying for help. Internally, Kaoru begged and begged and begged him to stop yelling because it made it impossible to be angry or distance himself at all. It pierced through whatever shield that he built up when he got the courage to attack and went straight to his heart. He was frozen in place. He wanted to scream at Rai, demand to know why he made him do this, why it had to go this far, but he couldn't. It got quiet.

A muscular but spotty and wrinkly arm was carefully raised from the ground and hesitantly touched the scissors with its fingers, a sorrowful and scared cry left his dry lips as the realization really sunk in, what Kaoru had done to him. He tentatively looked up at Kaoru, adamant about seeing the monster for himself, but his only eye widened before a look of defeat overtook his face. Tears were pouring down Kaoru's face; angry, fearful, sad. It made him appear younger in a sense. Not like he was a child that had been yelled at by his parents… but like a child who had just lost his parents. This was something Rai had been asking for; Kaoru was crying. He finally got what he had wanted.