A/N: Thank God another short chapter to edit :)

Btw, me sometimes writing boy with an uppercase B isn't a writing mistake since sometimes I refer to the group Boys who does the memory dive missions and sometimes just boy as in young male.

I also did manage to edit two chapters for this week! Which means eight chapters left :)

Chapter 14. Wake up.

His throat had never been this raw. It felt like he had swallowed razor blades that got stuck on their way down. A glass of water was needed badly because it felt like his throat was gradually swelling up too much to breathe. The little craw-like sounds that had been his voice for the last couple of hours were completely gone, but it still felt like something was pushing past his lips, something thick. A worrying fleeting thought was that he was coughing up remains of the inside of his throat. It was the least of his worries.

It was unclear if his eyes were closed or had just stopped working altogether. All he could tell was that everything was either dark or blurry and that he must be dying. The reason behind why he was dying wasn't clear, but he still felt like he was. His body couldn't take much more pain than this and that must mean that he was close to death, right? This couldn't go on for much longer, he couldn't handle any more of this.

Sometimes the pain paused, either because someone demanded answers that Kaoru couldn't truly give them or because Kaoru almost drowned in his own spit (he assumed). At first, he just kept telling them over and over again different variations of him being innocent. After some time he was unable to make any coherent sounds but the others decided to not give him a break to put his mind back together. Was it sadism or was it hurt from Kaoru's "great betrayal"? Sadism, from these guys it was sadism. That's what it felt like.

He had never been this aware of his body before, feeling excruciating pain in places he hadn't even considered being able to hurt before, but he had never felt this confused about his body either. He knew he still had bones, he could still move in his very limited space, but it felt like his bones had either turned into dust or jelly. Bruises blossomed across his chest, fires were set on his lungs and his nails were being pulled out and simultaneously pushed into his toes and fingers. It was difficult to explain all the ways his mind was playing games on him to be able to properly handle what was happening. This needed to stop, he needed it to. But it wouldn't, it just wouldn't. But he was dying, right? So, it had to stop eventually.

"What the hell are you doing!? Get him out! Get him out now!" A similar voice yelled, piercing through the clouds around Kaoru's head. "Why is he here!?"

"Back there he was-".

"I know what happened! You should have brought him to me! Turn this machine off! You have no idea what happens if you use this kind of thing on a mind type zero too much! I have told you that this form of interrogation is for non-zeros and non-mind types exclusively! He has already overstayed his welcome in this! Get. Him. Out!"

The buzzing of the machine stopped and the worst of the pain subsided. Fresh air entered his lungs as the capsule opened. Kaoru didn't even wince as the needles retracted from his sickly pale skin, leaving drops of blood running down his arms. The restraints were carefully removed and someone was lifting him out as gently as possible and sat him on the ground next to his small torture chamber. If the girl was there again he didn't notice her.

"Breathe, they are on their way with a stretcher. Breathe".

He tried, he really did, but it felt like his lungs were starting to wake up from a light slumber. The sensations from before, the things his confounded brain made him feel, dispersed but the real physical pain crept up on him. His broken arm had surely swelled up to three sizes, his bullet wounds were either still bleeding or were covered by dried, dusty and itchy blood, his head was hurting almost as much as it did when he was attacked by all those zeros hours ago, his throat ached in a way that made him fear that he might never be able to talk again and everything just hurt. If something could just put him to sleep until his body stopped being like this, that would be great. Not being in the pain simulator anymore, Kaoru could tell that his chin was completely covered in drool, his nose was running with snot and his eyes were almost glued shut. The taste of copper in his mouth from his chewed-up lips and deep half-moon marks in his palms were new as well but he was too tired to pay much attention.

"Kaoru?"

Hearing his name, Kaoru slowly opened his eyes and looked at a blurry shape hovering over him he assumed was Grimes. It was odd for the man to be this involved but understandable if the matter was urgent and serious.

"Good, you're alive at least… can't say the same for the others if they are unlucky. Next time you should ask someone who might have a little more information", Grimes said sternly through pressed teeth, but his words stopped being aimed at Kaoru.

"We had a character witness!" One person defensively cried out.

"I know. Anyone thinking that general Rai is a good character witness after what happened isn't really proving themselves to be competent enough for their position", Grimes bit back and didn't receive any rebuttals.

The redhead barely processed that. Maybe he only took it in at all because it did make sense that something was pushing for him to be taken to the pain simulator right away without question, but he couldn't believe that Rai would go this far. Perhaps it was ridiculous to doubt the length that man would go to punish people, but this raw hatred for Kaoru was incomprehensible.

Kaoru could hear that the others were talking but was too zooned out to hear a word. Instead, he forced his head to move so he could take in his surroundings enough to stop feeling so detached; he needed something, something to focus on either until he relaxed as much as someone in his position could or until the hospital staff could come and get him.

Lazily he looked around until his eyes landed on a stressed-out looking man in the corner. He was probably…

"I don't want to do this anymore", the black-haired child next to Kaoru said, fear written all over his face. "This isn't fun… ".

"You are not fun", Kaoru responded with a pout, receiving an offended look in return.

"Are you calling me boring!?"

"You are boring… ".

"I am not!"

"Stop being boring then!"

The kid, red in the face, looked like he wanted to continue to argue but a kind of determination filled him instead.

"Do you want to try it too then?" Kaoru asked, voice dripping with childlike smugness with probably the widest smirk on his face as he extended his hand towards the child.

The child gulped in return but his determination didn't waver as he took the scalpel from Kaoru's small hand, knelt down on the floor and hesitated before pushing it against the bloody mushed-up mess in the dead cat's right eye socket. It made a squishy sound that brought a greenish hue to the child's face. It almost looked like he was going to vomit…

Kaoru gasped for air and quickly looked away from the guy in the corner, who looked back with a cocked eyebrow. The young zero's eyes landed on another guy, conversing with dramatic gestures that properly showed his anxious feelings, and…

"I don't want to go and stay with daddy!" Kaoru yelled stubbornly with arms crossed and stubborn tears streaming down his face.

A woman in her early twenties getting ready in front of a mirror made the smallest eye roll. Clearly, she had become a mother too young considering how old Kaoru was.

"It's daddy's weekend and mommy is gonna go and see her friend".

"I don't like it at daddy's!"

"I know you love mommy but mommy needs a break and to meet a special friend. You are happy when you meet your little friends, right? Everyone needs friends".

"Daddy doesn't have any friends… ".

"Yeah, well… he isn't very happy, is he?" She tentatively answered with the smallest hint of disgust in her voice at the mention of her baby daddy.

"No… ", Kaoru sighed.

"But he is at least a little happy around you?"

"Mmm… yeah… ".

"Then you are his little friend, right?" She asked, finally turning her body to look at him with a kind smile. "You make daddy very happy".

"But I don't like being his friend. I don't like the games he makes me play".

"Maybe you can suggest other games?" She suggested. "You can bring some of your cool toys with you".

"He doesn't want to play other games… and he hates that I bring toys", he said before regretting his last words immediately as she gave him a scrutinizing look.

"He doesn't like that you bring toys?" She repeated while only half looking a the mirror so her lipstick would be applied correctly.

"Mmmh… ". He responded with a sigh of defeat. "He takes my toys".

"Oh, he isn't supposed to do that, love. I'll have a talk with him about it, don't worry".

"Can you… can you… ".

"Yes, love?"

"... Can you tell him I don't like the games too?"

"Yes, of course!" She beamed and turned back to the mirror to double-check her makeup. "I-".

She caught the expression of immense relief on her son's face in the mirror. Worry started to tug at her pretty face and she turned towards him again. She walked closer and leaned down to gently grab his shoulders so it would be harder for him to avoid her eyes.

"What kind of games are you and him playing?" …

Kaoru snapped back again and diverted his eyes so suddenly that his neck hurt. He was relieved. He didn't want to know about those games, not even daring to stay long enough to see if the mother was overreacting or not. He knew that he was using his powers right now but not how. He was a night type who couldn't target specific people. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Another person walked into his peripheral vision and he didn't have the time to look away…

"Santa?" Kaoru asked excitedly after a long yawn as he walked down the stairs.

Santa walked up to him with an unreadable smile. Kaoru looked up at him curiously as the man removed his red winter jacket, his hat, his fake beard…

"Daddy!" Kaoru cried with tears streaming down his face.

"It's me", the man answered, thick in the voice with a small crack at the end. "I'm home, buddy".

Some tears built up in the man's own eyes as he picked Kaoru up and embraced him tightly, being hugged just as tightly back…

Kaoru exhaled and inhaled deeply and shook his head. That one was almost worse in some ways because of the sad fact that Kaoru couldn't remember his own dad hugging him like that... or actually being happy to see him. He clenched his eyes shut, terrified of accidentally going into someone else's memories.

"Kaoru? What's happening?" Grimes asked and maneuvered Kaoru's body so they faced each other. "They are almost here now, don't worry".

"He probably lost his voice".

"Good job", Grimes said more sarcastically than Kaoru had ever heard him sound while moving Kaoru's collar to presumably look at the bruising from Joseline's attack.

"We didn't strangle him".

"No, but you worsened an already existing problem… and forgot your training. What are you supposed to do if someone has strangulation marks?"

"... wait as to not risk their voice going before we can get information?"

"That's right… Kaoru, are you awake? Kaoru? I need you to help me help you stand up. They are here now but can't get in through the door".

Grimes shook Kaoru slightly to make sure he was still awake and Kaoru nodded slightly. The older male started to attempt to get Kaoru up with the younger male's help. Not being able to guess what he needed to do in order to not stumble around, Kaoru tentatively and dreadfully opened his eyes. The intention was to keep them on his feet but, apparently, he had lost the ability to tell if he was facing up or down so he accidentally looked at Grimes…

"Hey there little buddy", Kaoru said while he was bouncing a little newborn baby in his arms.

The baby looked incredibly tiny, red, a little wrinkly and had a tube in his nose. His eyes weren't open because he was still asleep.

"Tired, little buddy? Your mommy was really happy to see you but she is tired too. You just have to be okay with your old man for now. I hope that's okay".

The baby obviously didn't answer or show any sign of understanding what his dad was saying but that was to be expected.

"I almost didn't want to hold you, you know", Kaoru told him. "You are the tiniest thing I have seen. So fragile too. I didn't want to break you, but you are a little tougher than that, right? I mean, you are your mother's son".

"Sir", a nurse said, walking up to the giddy dad. "Your fiancée is awake now and wants to see him".

"Understandably", Kaoru chuckled and carefully handed the little child over to the nurse before following her to his exhausted fiancée's bedside.

He sat down on the chair next to the bed and stared fondly at her as she was looking down at their baby on her chest, eyes full of love and promises to protect and cherish…

If any sound could have been created, Kaoru would have let out a long pleading whine as he once again came back to reality. He was starting to become terrified. This was wrong, something was horribly wrong with him.

"Your eyes", Grimes said quietly in shock. "Close them immediately!"

That sounded like a great idea. Kaoru quickly obliged without any fuss. He wanted to ask what was happening to him, but even if he wasn't panicking to the point of hyperventilating, his voice was still not given back to him. Grimes tried to calm him down as he was laid down on the stretcher. Kaoru was thrashing around like he would be able to breathe if he fought some invisible force around him. Unfortunately, it didn't help and the lack of air made Kaoru finally succumb to the comforting unconsciousness he had longed for, free from pain.

"We have suspected that they were cloning zero powers for a while now, but now we know that they cloned humans as well… albeit not as successfully. The clones needed special helmets just to function but they were doing what they needed to do", Grimes explained as he put down a picture of one of the "zero" corpses on his desk. "We have a better understanding of the connections between this 0 Light and the older one. We believe that they started off with good intentions but never learned from their mistakes and let their naïveté open their organization up for infiltration and corruption. The original 0 Light had a lot of data so it was a good starting point. So far I've only seen one person who used to be part of the organization back in the day but we are still investigating and interrogating".

"Torturing", Kyoya corrected bitterly, not trying to hide his disdain about the situation, not even out of professionalism or respect/fear for his superiors. "Still torturing".

"I am not saying that I am for every method we utilize", Grimes said with a resigned sigh. "But I am not in any position to change anything. Keeping the pain non-physical is the best we can do for now. I know it's still pain we are talking about and me saying anything that can remotely sound like I am defending this is not what you want to hear right now".

Kyoya looked like he wanted to lay down every single thing he could come up with that could show how much of an understatement that was, but he decided to hold it in. Grimes was giving him leeway to be visibly upset without repercussions but he still had to be careful if he wanted his questions answered.

He hadn't had a panic attack for years; it almost felt like something he had been able to outgrow. Oh, boy was he wrong. When the news first hit him that Kaoru came back alive, he was thrilled and immensely relieved. However, when he was then made aware that Kaoru was severely injured and had been forced, without medical attention, into the pain simulator for two hours before being brought to the hospital in a critical condition, Kyoya was brought into the worst panic attack he had ever experienced. It had lasted for hours, at first just making him extremely irritable and unapproachable, but concluded with him being unconscious for a whole day. Learning that Kaoru's status still wasn't clear when he woke up didn't make the situation better. He had heard that Hikaru wasn't fairing much better. With a little bit of research, Kyoya discovered that the older twin was temporarily restrained in a special room in the hospital so he wouldn't try to find Kaoru and make his own injuries worse. Kyoya had tried to explain that locking him up in an unfamiliar setting would just make things worse but only time would tell if his words fell upon deaf ears or not.

"I still don't quite understand why your people immediately assumed that Kaoru had hostile intentions", Kyoya finally said with a short cough.

"From what I've been told he appeared to be too friendly with one of the cloned zeros", Grimes explained. "I have theories about why he acted like that with her. The one I believe the most is that he might have found his own clone".

"His own clone?" Kyoya repeated in disbelief.

"He was an original member after all and has very useful powers. The zero probably took advantage of the familiarity and Kaoru's empathy. Obviously, this is just a theory and we still need his side to know for sure".

"I don't know… what are other theories?" Kyoya asked, wanting to get as much information as possible so he could find anything that made enough sense to him.

"Well", Grimes mused, looking deep in thoughts as she scratched an itch on his neck. "Those aren't very developed. Kaoru could have been tricked in other ways, been too injured and discombobulated to understand what was going on, she could have made a deal with him… that unfortunately all we have until he wakes up".

"Are you certain for sure that he will wake up?"

"Yes, but it might take a while and we don't know in what state he will be in when he does", Grimes answered with an apologetic look on his face.

Kyoya felt his hand shake and clenched it tightly to try to still it. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly to keep calm before he opened his eyes again. If the other male noticed he didn't comment on it. Kyoya appreciated it even if it just added to the pile of confusion that was Grimes. Deciding if Grimes cared about Kaoru or not wasn't easy. He appeared sorry for the mishap but he was also a man who didn't like making mistakes or losing valuable assets (which Kaoru undoubtedly was).

"You were ridiculously unprepared for this mission", Kyoya stated, taking a risk that could end their conversation abruptly if his superiors saw it as too insulting or disrespectful.

"We were, much less so than expected, but we weren't given the time we needed and had an important zero out of commission. We are lucky that we received so much valuable information but I'm disappointed with what happened to Kaoru. We need to improve his protection for future use".

Kyoya wanted to stand up, push everything off Grimes' desk and scream in his face. In his mind, he couldn't fathom why they would ever let Kaoru back out there again after what had happened (and after mentioning that there was a chance that Kaoru wouldn't be the same). However, Kyoya stayed composed even if his eyes clearly still reflected his disdain.

"I know this displeases you", Grimes said with a sigh. "We won't send him on another mission for a while, if that means something. Maybe not even on a memory one… or especially not a memory one".

"What do you mean?" Kyoya asked, interest piquing.

"His powers weren't working right after being pulled out from the pain simulator".

"What? What do you mean not working right", Kyoya inquired with his heart beating faster.

Grimes wet his lips and looked to be preparing himself for some sort of impact before he stared into Kyoya's eyes again.

"He accidentally used his powers on everyone he saw. I could see it in his eyes, they looked similar to what they do when he doesn't do his sacrifice. It appeared that he had no control over when he used his powers but they were used on everyone he laid his eyes on".

Kaoru being able to use his powers with such a quick succession while being able to "decide" who to target would have sounded like a good thing, like an improvement or him reaching another level if you will. However, this was clearly not something positive.

"Wh-why-".

"We are not sure yet or what the appropriate cause of action should be. If it doesn't stop when he gains consciousness we have to cover his eyes until we find a way to stop it… you looked like you expected me to reveal that we had to remove the poor boy's eyes", Grimes chuckled.

"I… yes, I've heard that the removal of the eyes had been a normal zero procedure before", Kyoya confessed, a little taken aback but glad that the thought appeared ridiculous to Grimes.

"It's not something we would want to do even if we couldn't stop him from using his powers on everyone", Grimes assured. "We would only do it if he really wanted to, but we still would need to take other possible cures into consideration. We would also need to really make sure that he truly agreed to it as it is a very invasive and non-necessary procedure. I highly doubt it would come to that".

This made Kyoya feel at least a little relief from this nightmare, even if there was a small chance that Kaoru would say yes to the surgery (Kyoya could not come up with a reason why he would say yes but it still felt like something Kaoru might do if he thought it was a better option). Grimes continued:

"We will make sure that Kaoru can't target anyone, especially with his eyes, and that he can properly do his zero sacrifice. At least we don't want him to be able to choose his targets now because he hasn't reached that skill the normal way. Him being able to use his powers while awake, however, is something he should never be able to do because these kinds of powers need his body to be shut down to not risk causing damage to him.

"I don't think there are any other areas concerning his powers to be worried about, hence why I think the surgery is completely unnecessary. Before you ask, he hasn't shown any signs of not having done his zero sacrifice. His eyes looked a little off but his injuries aren't adding up. No numbers or letters I mean. But we are open to the possibility that he might have done something while we were worked up and stressing over him. No one can explain all of his injuries and the distress could have made his self-inflicted wounds less… informative", Grimes added to further try to assure the doctor.

"With less informative he must mean that it was more of a quick nick or a messy scribble on the skin rather than something readable", Kyoya rationalized.

Not wanting to focus only, and too much, on the heavier parts of this, he didn't have the mental strength to put effort into validating his guess. The doctor decided to just try to accept that there was at least a big chance that some of Kaoru's issues would be solved. His boyfriend was still unconscious and being tended to. Worrying to the point of losing consciousness himself again wouldn't be helpful to Kaoru at all so Kyoya could at least try to grasp onto whatever he could. He decided to instead ask about something he had been curious about that Grimes had actually mentioned briefly.

"When you said that he can't currently target people with his powers because he hasn't reached that skill level yet… Why hasn't he? Wouldn't that be much easier for the original operation he was starring in? Wouldn't that make the memory dive missions easier?"

Grimes, perhaps because he understood what Kyoya was going for, didn't mention the slight change of subject and said: "As a smart man like you has certainly noticed, zeros don't work the way heroes in stories do. Their powers don't generally improve much by using them enough times. Yes, it can work, practice makes perfect as one says, but their sacrifices are rather counterproductive to that and can cause more damage than it's worth in the long run. Every zero has their own special thing they need to do in order to improve enough to use their powers to their fullest capacity. With the correct research we can figure out what those special things are but we aren't doing that. Maybe we will in the future when we aren't as afraid of zeros. Some zeros' have easier special things, like Hikaru who doesn't even seem to remember what he had to do to be able to target people. There are even theories that some don't have special things and can just use their powers as they should right from the start, but those haven't been proven. Kaoru however, there is something rare about him, about his powers. We have no idea exactly what he would need to do and we aren't sure that we want to know either".

"Why?"

Grimes sighed again and leaned closer to the point that his arms were supporting his weight.

"Because he has been through a lot and if that special thing proved to be another tough thing… he would be forced to go through that too and we don't think he would be able to take it, especially him being a blockade and all".

Kyoya bit back a snide comment about them only choosing the right thing to do when it interferes with their business. Trying the less painful route hadn't been too helpful even if it did answer at least one of his questions, albeit the least urgent one. He wanted to again ask when Kaoru would be fine, if he would be fine, despite knowing that the other man couldn't settle his worries. Kyoya was just forced to wait, probably not even by Kaoru's bedside if he couldn't come up with a good enough excuse to be there. Yes, he was currently working hard to be allowed to help during zero-related procedures but he wasn't ready yet apparently… that or him passing out had shown that he was unfit…

"Do you have any other questions, Otori?" Grimes asked.

"I don't think so", Kyoya sighed and leaned back in his chair before fixing his glasses. "All I can do when it comes to Kaoru is wait… a child was friendly with him and that was enough for them to do that to him?" He thought out loud, still thinking it was completely ridiculous and the conversation hadn't made him any less angry.

"People died on the mission, Otori", Grimes reminded him patiently and sat up straight again to put away the pictures that had been on display on his desk. "It looked like they were ready for us to pop in any day so it looked too convenient. In hindsight, we can see that they wouldn't have had important people and information left on their base if they had successfully predicted the day and time of our arrival but that's not something you conclude in the heat of the moment when everything turns for the worst. Of course, General Rai coming as a biased character witness, giving false testimony, did nothing to calm down that chaotic situation".

Kyoya's whole body language changed. He said up straight and alert. His hands held onto the armrests hard enough for his already pale knuckles to turn white and his nails made small indents in the hard wood; no doubt harming him more than the chair itself, but he didn't pay that any mind. Disbelief was only present for a fraction of a second because pure fury quickly filled him. The doctor's face felt warm and the adrenaline in his blood made him want to rush towards the scumbag's office and put every one of Kaoru's own injuries on his body, but more gruesome and sadistically. Because maybe that would finally teach that old piece of shit to leave Kaoru the hell alone. Kyoya's voice wanted to escape his body, loudly and impactfully. If he had been Hikaru all of his impulses would have been made into reality but Kyoya had more control than that.

A few minutes were needed to calm him down enough to suppress his basic instincts of violence, but he managed to rationalize himself into being calm enough to talk with a normal voice without counterproductive yelling and bickering.

"What did he say? What did he want to happen? What did he even think he could accomplish!? And they believed him? I thought he was meant to stay away from anything related to Kaoru, that man is clearly a mentally insane danger!"

Grimes looked like he was trying to be understanding but a slight hint of annoyance in his eyes betrayed him. If it was something that man didn't like, it was being told that he was incompetent or made mistakes that were easily avoided. Implying any of that, even if Kyoya thought it was justifiable, was usually something Kyoya tried to avoid to the best of his abilities. However, he was understandably irate and needed answers. Besides, these people had jeopardized Kaoru's well-being for far too long for Kyoya to keep up their play pretend that they are doing everything right and to the best of their abilities.

"I can't fathom why they are so hesitant to properly reprimand that disgusting man when he is clearly a danger to everyone, especially one of their greatest assets. I don't know if I can even see him without doing something I would regret later… and that sentiment is slowly spreading to other people here as well… ".

"You can't possibly expect us to inform every single one at the base, especially people who never interact or have never seen those two up close, about something mundane like a fight", Grimes stated coldly but looked a little bit afterward like he was regretting how it came out. "It's not relevant to everyone here and most don't even know what Kaoru looks like. I'll admit that Rai shouldn't have been there and we would have done something if we had any inclination of him planning on being present. This wasn't something we had encountered with him before, all of his mistakes were made on impulse but this was more thought out and menacingly than his usual tactics-".

"Not quite".

Kyoya's mouth was faster than his brain. He himself wasn't actually sure what he was talking about at first, but the realization that what he had in mind wasn't actually relevant came too late and he had Grimes' full attention. Grimes leaned closer with a serious and scrutinizing look on his face.

"What do you mean?" He inquired calmly.

"It's not going to look good if I take it back now but I can't… or can I? Yes, I think I can live with it. This might be the only thing that works".

"He was told to keep 0 Light secret until further notice before, correct?"

"Yes", Grimes confirmed, a little uncertain of the direction he was taking. "We didn't want too many people to know because we have had issues before about information leaking and we needed to make sure that the Boys were safe-".

The man's eyes widened before narrowing in anger as he finally realized what Kyoya might have been hinting at.

"What did he do?" Grimes asked.

A familiar unreadable expression played over his face which only gave Kyoya the boost he needed to really follow through with what he had started.

"It appears I crossed him when I wasn't as respectful as I usually was towards him after the incident with my Pat… my boyfriend", Kyoya downplayed what he himself had done significantly. "And he decided that he wanted to try to stir the pot by telling me about 0 Light and project takeover to an extent that he thought would bring harm to our relationship. He talked clearly and purposefully so I'm not sure that he was drunk. If he was then he is a way more of a functional drunk than everyone makes him out to be. He tried to talk me into keeping quiet about it but it appears that him being untrustworthy and using and misusing information in order to get what he wants isn't a one-time occurrence".

It was surprisingly easy for the lies to fall out of his mouth. Especially when he thought he recalled that Rai was still under the impression that Kyoya hadn't stopped him from blurting out the secrets when he was under the influence. Thanks to Kaoru Kyoya could even add a few more details if needed as Kaoru had told him a few other things since the first reveal. A part of Kyoya knew that he should be a little worried and ashamed of himself for putting the blame on an innocent man even if that man was legitimately a horrible human being. However, he couldn't find it in himself to care about either the false accusations or the darker part of himself that allowed him to do this.

"If the truth isn't going to do anything then I need to try to use what I got. I can't let him harm Kaoru or anyone else ever again".

Grimes stayed silent so Kyoya continued with a little damage control:

"I apologize that I haven't told you before but I thought it was the safest option. I've noticed while working here that you prioritize placating him and I didn't want to risk it".

Grimes sat there silent for a few minutes while staring into his desk. The normally unreadable look on his face cracked at the edges, like porcelain. Something was shining through those cracks, something Kyoya hadn't seen on him before; Grimes felt deeply betrayed. Nothing had hinted that Grimes and Rai had ever been close so Kyoya doubted that this was one friend betraying another. Grimes had clearly known about Rai's actions beforehand and this wasn't the worst thing Rai had (supposedly) done in Kyoya's, albeit biased, opinion. To say that the young doctor was puzzled was the understatement of the century.

"He doesn't care anymore… Does he? About anything. I just asked him to do one thing… ", Grimes mumbled almost too quietly for Kyoya to be able to hear.

Clearly what Grimes said wasn't meant for Kyoya's ears so the doctor pretended that he hadn't said anything. The young doctor couldn't fathom how the leaked information was a bigger sign of distrust than unpredictable bouts of violence, but he was just internally rejoicing over something finally sticking to the General.

"I can tell more of what I know from what he told me if you want me to".

"No need", Grimes quickly cut him off before taking a few seconds to compose himself. "If he denies it then we will come back to you".

"It appears that this isn't very shocking in a sense", Kyoya pointed out. "Because you are so quick to trust me". "Despite the moment of disbelief you had earlier".

"We take secrecy very seriously here and he tattled to someone who recently started to work here. This kind of scenario has caused a lot of issues before and he is old enough to have witnessed that several times. Needing to keep him away from other people is one thing… but him doing this? This isn't just Jeopardizing the health of a few people, but hundreds or even thousands. I am not just referring to project takeover, I am referring to all of our secrets. He has had these kinds of mishaps before but accidentally. Now it's out of spite and we can't excuse this anymore".

"What are you saying?"

"That there might be a chance that he will be discharged", Grimes responded. "Obviously we have to have a meeting about it but this, added to the giant pile that is his mistakes, is not going to bode well. He clearly has a vendetta against Kaoru and that's going to be a huge problem for him no matter what he tries to use as a defense during the meeting".

Those words sounded like music to Kyoya's ears. Even if Rai still should have been severely punished a long time ago for his actions, Kyoya was still happy and accepted with ease that this was what would bring him down; a lie. After hearing that the old man's career would be over, he still couldn't feel any remorse for lying. Perhaps he would feel bad for Kaoru's sake later on because the younger male could still care about Rai even after hearing about what he did. Kyoya could decide at a later date if he wanted to tell Kaoru about the lie or not.

"Do you have anything else you want to bring up before you leave?" Grimes inquired once again, sounding more than done with the meeting.

"No… or, I have wondered since I was called here why you decided to give me all this information personally. I didn't ask when I got here because I didn't want to risk you 'coming to your senses' and changing your mind… I was really desperate for anything related to Kaoru".

"I can imagine that", Grimes said while adjusting his position in his chair. "I knew you weren't going to sit back and wait for answers to eventually come to you so I wanted to settle things as quickly as possible".

Kyoya narrowed his eyes at him, sensing the less amicable meaning behind those words.

"Are you under the impression that I'll be as wild as the General if I don't get what I want? Because I can assure you that I'm way more civilized".

"I didn't mean to imply that you were the same as him. I implied that I want things to stay as calm as possible now and neither you nor Hikaru would be able to be calm without precautions".

"I understand that you can't lock me up the same way you did to Hikaru", Kyoya murmured and Grimes surprisingly smiled, albeit just a little.

"That was a temporary precaution, he should be let out by now and waiting until he can visit his brother".

"... that's not what it sounded like to me".

"... I would have wanted to assure you that you misunderstood but it seems like everyone is misunderstanding me currently. I should probably look into that before commenting further on it".

Confirming that Kyoya had nothing left to say he was promptly dismissed and left the office. The air was a lot lighter when he left.

Kaoru had been confirmed to be stable but he was still unconscious. It was unknown why he wouldn't wake up and Kyoya had decided to try his luck and visit him anyway. The need to see Kaoru had increased significantly and he knew there could be more information about Kaoru's condition to receive from the doctors at the hospital.

"I am Kaoru's personal doctor Kyoya Otori and I would like to talk to the doctor in charge of him here", Kyoya told the receptionist.

"Do you want to meet him for any specific reason?" The receptionist asked while clicking away on the computer, presumably to look Kyoya up but gave up quickly and looked at Kyoya again when he realized that he couldn't spell the Japanese doctor's name.

This wasn't the first time something like this had occurred, hence why Kyoya could guess what he was doing, but he wasn't going to help him along if he didn't ask; It would have been perceived as an insult.

"I am usually allowed to observe when zero related injuries are treated and I wondered if I could come along this time too. I am currently in a program that will make me eligible to work alongside the doctors here in the future. It can be found in my file", he added, trying to discreetly prompt the other guy to overcome his pride and just ask how to write the name.

"Okay, then I'll send a message to doctor Matthews. You can sit and wait", the receptionist said while gesturing to one of many empty chairs.

Kyoya repressed a sigh at the man's stubbornness. Instead, he thanked him and made himself as comfortable as he could on the hard green chair closest to the reception. He believed that his argument for seeing Kaoru wasn't too bad or too flawed, but there was still a chance that he would be denied. For example, if he would be seen as a liability. The possibility of being left alone with Kaoru was also low, but just seeing him and hearing more about his condition was good enough for now (he hoped).

"This is rather unconventional", a man with a white hospital coat, presumably Matthews, commented while walking up to Kyoya. "But I guess we don't have a proper way of requesting this when we don't have the time to send for you".

"You have been rather busy with him so I do understand why the suggestion of me joining wasn't brought up", Kyoya said and stood up before they shook hands and exchanged their names. "I hope I am not bothering you by showing up now. I heard that my patient's condition is stable so I wanted to see if there was an opening for me".

"Yeah, come with", Matthews smiled and Kyoya followed him away from the reception and through a familiar hallway with jade green floor and ivory walls. "He is still unconscious as you probably already know. We don't believe it's related to his injuries though".

Kyoya raised an eyebrow at that and walked a little faster to be able to keep up and be beside the other doctor.

"From my understanding, you didn't know for sure why he wasn't waking up", Kyoya told him in a non-accusatory way.

"We don't know the exact reason, no", Matthews confirmed. "We are currently ruling out things and think we know now what kind or area they answer is hiding. It's definitely related to his zero status in some way".

"In what way?" Kyoya asked as Matthew opened a door to a small room.

Kyoya forgot what he had even asked when his eyes laid upon his unconscious boyfriend. He had to hold himself back from running over to him and hugging him close. Kaoru was pale and, from what Kyoya could see above the covers, he was bandaged around his head, on his shoulder, face, heavily around his broken arm and he wore a neck brace. The young Boy also had several bruises that would turn purple shortly and blood under his nails. Kyoya was very upset by that blood, knowing that there was a chance he would find scabs on his palms.

Kyoya walked closer to get a closer look. The dark circles underneath Kaoru's eyes were nowhere near as upsetting of a sight as the pained expression on his face. The older male wanted to reach out and gently touch the area on Kaoru's cheek that was covered by the bandage but he was still under prying eyes.

"You two are pretty close, right?" Matthew asked as he closed the door and Kyoya internally cursed himself for strutting towards Kaoru like a lovesick puppy. "Like you seem like you two are good friends and not just patient and doctor, at least from the way you're acting. I understand, you have worked with him and only him for a while".

"We are on friendly terms", Kyoya downplayed convincingly. "Don't worry, it's not standing in the way of me wanting to learn more about how to treat people like him. This isn't just personal".

"I believe you. His cheek is most likely going to scar but I'm not convinced that he'll be too distressed about it because of how the rest of his body looks".

"Maybe not", Kyoya answered a little absent-mindedly because he was still staring at Kaoru (but the small part of him that was paying attention hoped that Matthews was right about Kaoru not caring. That boy needed a break). "Why is his face looking like that? He looks like he is hurting".

"Zero comas are usually a little different, at least for mind types. They usually experience, for a lack of word, flashbacks".

"Are you saying that he is experiencing his old memory dives?"

"That is what we believe because it's a power-related coma. His powers and mind aren't working together anymore, instead, they are attacking each other… it's not as bad as I made it sound. We believe he isn't waking up because that situation needs to sort itself out. Again, we can't know for sure until he stops being unconscious but we still believe this is the case because that is a very normal response".

"Normal response to what?"

"To something we would call-".

"RV abuse", a third voice interrupted.

Kyoya and Matthews turned their attention towards the door and saw a defeated-looking Ryoichi enter. The startled expression on Matthews' face turned into one of annoyance.

"We aren't allowed to use zeros for medicinal issues", he told Ryoichi with a tired voice that suggested that this wasn't the first time the young man had been made aware of this.

"But if his mind is as confused as I've heard then he might not be a very effective blockade and I can confirm for sure why he is asleep", Ryoichi responded defiantly. "And maybe make his sleep more peaceful".

"Kid, you barely have any hands left. Your help is appreciated but we have real ethical reasons to deny your services", Matthews argued and Kyoya decided to cut them off and bring things back around to their previous conversation:

"RV abuse?"

"Richter vine abuse", Ryoichi confirmed and turned to face him fully.

"You mean the abuse of the source of his powers?"

"Technically the source of who he is… you know, this whole situation could be seen as one long nightmare leading up to this exact outcome".

"What do you mean?"

"The… the blockade treatment isn't made to break the vine down and build it back up, stronger… ", Ryoichi relented while looking down at the floor. "It's made to traumatize it and force it to build up stronger resistance, kind of like callousness on your fingers… or like scars. That's why the treatment is so brutal and why we need someone who will be able to take it".

Kyoya stared at him silently for a few minutes before he narrowed his eyes. He held himself back from yelling at the boy. Yes, Ryoichi had kept this from him and could be hiding even more but he wasn't the one at fault for this situation. He was a brick in the wall, just like Kaoru.

"So, no one had any excuses or anything, it was straight-up torture? Not torture to open up possibilities or whatever, but torture to really, really hurt him?"

"Yes", Ryoichi answered weakly. "We didn't want to explain exactly what it was because it makes it sound scarier and Kaoru was needed for this. We didn't want to make the process harder for him. But yes, it's torture. Blockades are normally extremely traumatized for a reason… This is a better environment though! More controlled, but things didn't-".

"Go as expected", Kyoya finished his sentence for him with a scowl on his face. "You can never expect it to work out perfectly, this is hurting someone we are talking about. You can't control how much you hurt someone or how much that pain will affect them".

"I know", Ryoichi said quietly, looking like a wounded animal as he slowly looked up from the ground again. "But this could have been prevented. If we had time, we could have helped him recover more before the mission, if Kaoru hadn't been falsely accused of being a spy he wouldn't have been put in the pain simulator that pushed him over the edge. If-".

"Ryoichi", Kyoya cut him off. "You seem to blame everyone except for the people here. The people here should have planned better, they should have been more transparent about what they did to him, they should have informed others what would happen if they put him into that torture chamber again… this is no one but their fault. This mess could have been prevented by them".

Ryoichi closed his mouth and looked away from him with a sad and pained expression. It annoyed Kyoya that he was so hesitant to put the blame on the rightful culprits but he could understand it somewhat. The zero would certainly break if he couldn't believe in the people who had complete control over his life. So, despite Kyoya wanting to go on a long rant about how horrible and cold-hearted people there were, he decided against it. It pained him but he had to swallow his pride on this one.

"I am not saying that you did anything bad, or that every person involved are bad people", Kyoya added and cleared his voice before changing back the subject. "So, the pain simulator was ultimately the last drop?"

"... Yes… it would also explain why he could use his powers the way he did. The vine is most likely confused to the point of harming itself… I wish… I wish I could tell you what exactly to do to fix this but I-I can't. I don't know how he will be when he wakes up, how much damage has been done to his psyche. But I still want to do what I can, if there is anything I can do".

Matthews decided to enter the conversation again at that point.

"I've already told you, we can't allow you to do that", Matthew said sternly and Kyoya restrained himself from ranting at him too.

"Please", Ryoichi begged. "Let me help. He is my friend and I can't leave him like this".

"But-".

"Please!" He cried louder and his voice almost echoed between the walls. "Tell the others that I wanted to visit my friend. If I get caught only I will get scolded. Kyoya wouldn't have known that this is against the rules, he will be fine if he doesn't want to leave. Just pretend that you have to use the bathroom or something, please… ".

Matthews looked irritated, then conflicted and then eventually he let out a sigh of defeat. He walked towards the door but stopped for a moment to say one last thing:

"I'll come back in ten minutes and you better still be here so I can help you with your injuries. Just because you can help him doesn't it mean that I as a doctor value his wounds over yours".

With that, he was gone and Kyoya could tell from the astonishment on Ryoichi's face that the younger male hadn't expected him to say something so caring. Ryoichi walked over to Kaoru's bedside and sat down on the only available chair. Kyoya, not bothering to hold back all of his affection anymore, gently grabbed Kaoru's exposed hand and held it between his. Ryoichi eyed their hands briefly but didn't say anything about it.

"I work better with my eyes closed", he murmured instead and closed his eyes.

Kyoya looked away from him back at Kaoru's face. Kaoru's features still looked contorted and he could see his eyes move behind the lids. Soon his expression relaxed a little more and Kyoya watched in amazement as he turned from suffering to peaceful. Kyoya smiled lightly as he removed one of his hands from Kaoru's and caressed his boyfriend's cheek like he had wanted to earlier. Kissing him was something he neither dared or felt like it was the right thing to do to someone who was unconscious. Maybe a peck on the forehead wasn't too bad but there was a window on the door and he wanted to be able to keep some of his attention to it in case anyone would walk past.

After a few minutes, Ryoichi opened his eyes again and looked down at Kaoru's face with an unreadable expression. Without saying anything he raised his stump to his mouth and bit down hard on a part of exposed skin on his wrist. Drops of blood slid down his chin but he only let the tiniest flinch from the pain show on his face.

"Well?" Kyoya asked and let go of Kaoru just in time for someone outside to look in briefly before walking away.

"I can't cure him but I did go in with the intention to try to calm him down. Talking to him you know. He was very confused and didn't understand what was happening. I think hearing me brought him closer to reality. I don't know when he is rested enough to wake up but it will be soon… I can tell for certain however that he is not okay, he is really not okay".

"How… ", Kyoya tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "How bad is it?"

"He isn't going to come back brain dead but when he responded to me he sounded… he sounded like he wasn't sure what version of me he was talking to… like he wasn't sure if he spoke to the real present me, a fake version or my past self. Sometimes he didn't even know who I was, his mind is… well… scattered. I tried to… I tried to take a better look at his brain and his Richter vine is scorching".

Kyoya's face felt numb and an ice-cold shiver went down his back. He looked at Ryoichi with desperation in his eyes, searching for anything that hinted at Kyoya overreacting because of a misunderstanding.

"Is he… is he not going to remember me?" He forced out, physically being in pain from his own disgusting words.

"Yes and no", Ryoichi responded, a little uncertain. "I could not ask him about you because I had to focus the short time I had on placating him, but he sometimes remembered me at the age I am. I suspect that he might lose a part of his memory when he wakes up but I have no idea how big that part is. I really wish that I could do something more for him… ".

"You have been far more helpful than me. Thank you".

No one knew what to say so they stayed quiet until Matthews came back with a few things in his hands.

"I hope you learned something today", Matthews told Kyoya a little jokingly while he tended to the new wound on Ryoichi's wrist.

"I think I did", Kyoya murmured. "Has his brother visited yet?"

"Um… I don't believe so. He is considered a little neurotic".

"He will calm down significantly if you let him in here. Trust me, I can vouch for him. He is just going to expect the worst if he doesn't see his brother for himself".

Matthews looked skeptical and doubtful but relented that they might be able to get Hikaru there. Kyoya didn't stay long after that because there wasn't much more they could tell him. He did hope for the sake of Hikaru's sanity that they took Kyoya's advice seriously.

Kyoya let his emotions run free as soon as he was in the comfort of his own home. He almost accidentally let his feelings out a little earlier when Rosengard greeted him outside of the apartments. To Rosengard's credit the man wasn't being annoying or taking up a lot of time because he had somewhere to be, but Kyoya being distressed made the Japanese doctor almost want to strangle him.

It had been difficult to breathe and his clothes had been feeling rather restricting for around an hour, so Kyoya started to strip down to his undershirt and underwear as soon as the door was locked. The action made him feel a little ridiculous but not feeling trapped in his own clothes was a massive improvement. He hated this, he really hates this. Being alone away from other people sounded like the most appealing thought but knew that it wasn't the best. Calling Tamaki was probably the best option but he didn't particularly feel like doing that. Old habits perhaps, but he also wasn't sure how to bring up his issues without revealing too much classified information.

He ultimately decided to just lie down and dwell on his own problems, not unlike a teenage girl and an old familiar voice in his head shouted at him for it. He ignored it to the best of his abilities. Being in bed when it was still day wasn't the most productive thing in the world but he couldn't actually do anything else. Normally when he was distressed, he would be working, reading or hanging out with Kaoru when he could. His mind was far too occupied for the two first options and the last option was off the table for obvious reasons.

His two pillows were bunched up and wrapped up tightly in his arms as he laid on his side. It didn't quite work as a replacement of a warm body that belonged to the person he really wanted to hold but it had its purposes. It made him feel less empty and if he closed his eyes he could almost take himself back to when he could actually hold Kaoru like this. It was cruel that he might not be able to embrace him again. Kyoya wouldn't know what to do if Kaoru couldn't remember him or if the redhead was damaged severely in any other way. He wished that he could have just taken Kaoru far away from there before this whole mess could have happened. He wished he could hear a familiar knock on his door. There were a lot of scenarios he could dream about that would be much better than reality right now, but none of them kept him calm and content for very long.

Kyoya eventually let go of the pillows and stumbled through his apartment, desperately looking after anything that could suffice as a good enough distraction. Anything belonging to Kaoru would have been preferable but he didn't have anything like that and it irritated him to no end. When Kaoru woke up and when he was fine again, Kyoya would demand a shirt or something else from him. Maybe Kaoru could sleep in one of Kyoya's shirts to imprint on it next time he would sleep over so they wouldn't risk anyone finding Kaoru's clothes in Kyoya's apartment (how minuscule the chance of that happening might be). He knew he should have done something like that earlier but he didn't think the possibility of Kaoru ever forgetting him would ever exist…

"No. He won't forget me, not completely… but if he would then I will be there to remind him of us. If I have to take things slow while trying to make him trust and fall for me again then so be it… if he even wants to be with me".

That thought was horrifying. Yes, he would be happy to just have Kaoru alive and well, but not being able to talk to him or touch him like he always did would crush him. If Kaoru only saw him as a doctor and wouldn't be able to consider him as more again, Kyoya didn't know if he could even stay there; it would hurt too much seeing Kaoru every day and only hearing himself being called doctor politely, not in the teasing way Kaoru usually did. Kaoru would never let him in again so watching him being in pain while pretending that he wouldn't do anything for that boy was going to be extremely difficult. Kyoya knew that the ethical thing to do would be to stay regardless to make sure that Kaoru had a doctor that genuinely cared about him but Kyoya didn't know if or for how long he could handle that.

Kyoya was having many bouts of anger as he waited in his bedroom in silence; both directed at those who deserved it and those who didn't. He was even mad at Ryoichi occasionally for being… dishonest? It was very dumb of Kyoya because, again, Ryoichi had been convinced that hiding things were the right thing to do. However, the young doctor still couldn't control his own thoughts and emotions.

Someone knocked on the door. His heart traitorously skipped a beat and pushed him through a second of hope that was promptly and thoroughly quashed. Giving himself just a short moment of false hope was truly not what he needed. Kyoya nearly forgot to put on a pair of pants as he dragged himself towards the apartment door to open it. Not that he had any possible particular person in mind, but seeing Shinohara on the other side was a little surprising. The other man was rather blurry because of the lack of glasses but recognizing him wasn't difficult. At least not when they were standing this close to each other.

"We wanted to make sure that you didn't pass out again", Shinohara answered Kyoya's silent question.

"Please don't tell me that's common knowledge now", Kyoya groaned. "I don't need everyone to know me as the fainter".

"No. Don't worry. Only us who found you know about it".

"I still want to know how you got into my apartment that time".

"My theory is that you were too anxious to remember to lock the door".

"Ah… ".

"Not a normal occurrence, I'm sure. You don't feel lightheaded now, right?"

"No… no, just impatient", Kyoya assured while removing some grating strands of hair from in front of his eyes. "I care about him and I can't do anything to help".

"You are truly like his mother now", Shinohara teased with a small chuckle and Kyoya didn't know how he felt about being compared to a parent of his lover. "I can be quite worried about my patient as well but Kaoru must be special… ".

"Is Hikaru allowed to see Kaoru yet?" Kyoya asked, both to switch the subject quickly and feeling tired of having to try to make people understand that they needed to let Hikaru go.

"I was just asked if I thought he was mentally stable enough to be with Kaoru so I assume yes", Shinohara smiled and crossed his arms. "And I guessed it was you who beat me getting him out of isolation. I appreciate your help. It's good to have doctors here who still care about the patients and don't see them as disposable".

"I didn't just go for this profession because I happened to be smart and good-looking enough for schools to want to put me on their websites to show how diverse they are", Kyoya joked and Shinohara chuckled again.

"But really, thank you for helping me with the Hikaru issue. Even if it was mostly for Kaoru's sake".

Kyoya cocked an eyebrow in confusion and said: "You don't have to thank me for that".

"Take it as me thanking you on behalf of him then because he won't thank you himself".

"That's fair".

Kyoya could tell that there was something else his colleague wanted to talk about and he wasn't up for the small talk made to build up to it. He just wanted to go back to pacing angrily around the room or try to come up with different better scenarios in his head that could distract him for at least a second. Shinohara wouldn't be a good distraction from anything since he didn't appear to want to talk about anything that wasn't related to this mess.

"I am a little tired", Kyoya said after a moment of awkward silence. "I hope you don't mind… unless you have something else you want to talk about?"

Shinohara seemed to snap out of something and looked around to see if anyone was listening before his eyes traveled back to Kyoya again.

"Is it okay if I co-".

A door close by opened and Kyoya was surprised that the poorly timed interruption wasn't Rosengard. It was Jackson in fact, who still looked the same as he did after Jiro died; very down. Kyoya didn't actually know for sure if his appearance was related to the brutal death of his patient because he honestly didn't know that man too well. However, it wasn't that difficult to notice that Jackson was more affected than he let on. Or maybe that was just something Kyoya wanted to believe because Jiro was such an important person to Kaoru.

"Good afternoon", he said unenthusiastically before walking by.

It wasn't much of a distraction but, apparently, it was enough for Shinohara to lose his momentum. The man didn't look particularly disappointed, more so that he had given up and then like he had made up his mind about something. Kyoya had no idea if it was good or bad for him.

"Go and get as much rest as you can", Shinohara finally said to him. "I hope you'll get good news soon".

"Or any news. I don't want whatever is happening to be prolonged".

"I can understand that".

They said bye to each other before Shinohara left and Kyoya closed the door. He didn't appreciate the confusion Shinohara had to bring to his already heavy tray, but at least time had passed. Which would mean that he was closer to the time when things got better… perhaps not much closer but he forced himself to see at least something positive in this to keep himself at least a little sane.

When Kyoya looked at the clock he saw that it was pretty late. He didn't know if he had been standing there lost in his own thoughts for too long or if his brooding earlier had taken up more time than he had expected. It didn't matter. He lied down again, full of dread. Nightmares would plague him again, but this time he knew they would be even worse; more real.

Hikaru knew he was making the nurses uneasy but he didn't care. If they interpreted him sitting beside his twin and staring intensely at him as anything sinister then it was their problem, not his. He looked for anything that could hint at Kaoru being able to sense his presence, hear him or something that could tell that he was close to waking up.

It had been a surprise to him that he didn't break down crying when he saw what state his younger twin brother was in when he was wheeled into the room (his toes were still broken and his fingers were messed up as well so crutches weren't an option). It wasn't difficult to tell that the nurses had been perplexed by his "composed" reaction as well. Hikaru appeared composed, yes, but he was freaking out on the inside. If he hadn't been raised into knowing this kind of scenario was possible, Kaoru or him being like this, he would surely have been acting every bit like everyone expected him to. It was a little weird that he wasn't as fearful as he should have, but he had his reasons. If Kaoru survived this Hikaru would protect him much better from now on. Hikaru would make sure that no one could ever hurt Kaoru like this ever again, even if it would get him locked up for trying to intervene when Kaoru would go out on another mission. Hikaru would surely become even more of a liability but he couldn't find it in himself to care anymore about being useful. Yes, he had plans for what to do if Kaoru woke up… but he also had plans for what would happen if Kaoru died. If Kaoru died then Hikaru couldn't see anything in his future. When he tried to imagine a world without his twin, he only saw black. Not him crying every night while clutching his brother's bedsheets, not him walking around like a zombie who never smiled, not him lashing out at anyone who dared to speak about Kaoru, not him attacking Kyoya… he saw nothing at all and it somehow comforted him. It made him feel a little better knowing that he wouldn't be without Kaoru.

Hikaru placed a bandaged hand over one of Kaoru's, being mindful of both of their injuries. It upset him that his fingers didn't allow him to hold his brother's hand. Despite the unusual calmness about the future numbing his senses, he had a strong need to hold his twin. It felt that it would somehow protect Kaoru from being taken away again while obviously simultaneously comforting both of them. Crawling into the bed and wrapping his arms and legs around the younger twin would have been ideal and the longer he thought about not being able to do it the angrier he grew.

"I hope you do wake up soon… or that something happens. I really hope you are sleeping peacefully and not in too much pain… maybe this could be one of those rare breaks? I hope you get enough rest then… I respect any choice you make, you know. I prefer if you stay alive but i-if you have to go then I… then I promise that you won't be alone, alright? I'll… I'll be here next to you, in this room".

Hikaru changed the meaning of his words at the end when he realized that the nurses were listening in closer now. He didn't want to take a risk here in case this was one of the few times they would actually care about his well-being (he had never been as important to them as Kaoru).

"Your doctor couldn't be here", Hikaru said before changing to speaking Japanese. "He probably can't without raising suspicion", he added while actually believing that Kyoya just didn't care too much or didn't believe this was serious enough.

A small part of him voiced that he was probably unfair and that the thing he told Kaoru could be more truthful than he thought. The rest of Hikaru couldn't quite agree. Kaoru was Hikaru's whole world but only a fraction of Kyoya's. Kyoya could leave and find another young man to have his fun with, Hikaru couldn't find another brother; another Kaoru.

He hovered over Kaoru and leaned down to place a chaste peck on his forehead, something he hadn't done since they were little and hadn't realized yet how weirdly funny the gesture actually was between two teenage guys. It didn't feel weird or funny this time around, it felt just as caring and comforting as it did when they were kids.

"You can yell at your doctor for not being here later… if you choose to stay I mean".

His body froze as Kaoru turned his upper body to face him like he was reaching for him in his sleep. That did not look like something he was supposed to be able to do so Hikaru immediately called for the nurses but they didn't budge. They probably thought he was overreacting, that he had only noticed a small twitch and was desperate enough to take it as a sign. Or maybe it wasn't that weird that Kaoru could move around? Hikaru wasn't a medical professional after all. He wouldn't know. Maybe people in comas didn't just lay unmoving.

"Don't play with my feelings like that", Hikaru scolded even if he was unable to be truly angry with his twin. "You know you can't do that to me… I know this is a bad time but I need to pee".

A nurse heard what he said and walked over to him to help to wheel him out.

"You might not be able to come back before visitor's hours are over", the nurse warned.

"I know… I want to stay longer but I've been holding it in for a while now", he admitted with a defeated sigh.

The nurse started to pull Hikaru's wheelchair backward as a hand wrapped itself around Hikaru's wrist and a whine of dislike could be heard. Hikaru and the nurses stared wide-eyed at Kaoru whose eyes were still closed but his features were a lot less relaxed. He looked like a little distressed sleeping child who desperately tried to hold onto his teddy bear that was being taken away from him. Hikaru was sitting completely still, speechless. He didn't dare to utter anything in fear of it confirming that he was overreacting again(?), and that he would break the illusion.

"Kaoru?" One nurse asked while another hurried to check the unconscious Boy's vitals. "Can you hear us?"

The younger twin let out another long and upset whine while slightly thrashing around like a baby not wanting to be woken up. Kaoru being distressed wasn't shocking but him acting like a 1-month-old baby was a little weird. Especially when he started to sob. Everyone else assumed he was in a lot of pain and the previous calm melancholia was quickly replaced by panic and rush. Every nurse was trying desperately to find whatever could be the issue. Hikaru wasn't any calmer than anyone else.

"I'm here, I'm here!" He assured while leaning closer so Kaoru could hold him easier.

It made Kaoru stop screaming but his lips were still quivering. Hikaru was close enough to almost lie down on the bed next to Kaoru while he gently caressed his younger twin's face and massaged areas of his body in a desperate attempt to calm him. He used the logic of: "This is how you soothe a baby, right!?" It felt like the most appropriate course of action. Not that he had any experience with taking care of babies.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm staying, I'm here, Hikaru is here. Calm down little bro. Breathe. Go back to sleep".

Whatever he did seemed to do the trick. Kaoru was completely still with the last drops of tears running down his face. The nurses breathed out in relief but tensed up again when Kaoru's eyes flew open. They jumped out of the way, presumably out of fear of him accidentally using his powers on them. Hikaru stared at him like he couldn't fathom that Kaoru was already awake. But before he could rejoice he was stopped by the sheer confusion and fear Kaoru emitted. The younger twin even looked at Hikaru like he couldn't recognize him and it made Hikaru scared to the point of parts of his body turning numb.

"Is his eyes white? … Hikaru?" Someone asked but Hikaru barely registered it.

In fact, he almost wasn't sure he even heard something to begin with. Kaoru's amber eyes darted around the room and he started to hyperventilate. Hikaru's instincts told him to start to try to assure and comfort him again but he still couldn't move. Even if he could, it could have done things worse if… if Kaoru truly didn't know who he was. The nurses were moving around again and conversing frantically. Hikaru could snap up something about sedatives but otherwise, their words were lost on him.

Kaoru suddenly twitched like a malfunctioning robot and shut his eyes again. A moment of painful silence passed before Kaoru opened his eyes again, but much slower this time around. He narrowed them because the light was too bright but overall he looked much more relaxed than before. His eyes landed on Hikaru and Hikaru almost sobbed when he was met by relief and happiness. The younger twin opened his mouth to say something but only a strangled sound, almost as grating as nails on a chalkboard, came out and he immediately pressed his lips together again with worry playing over his face.

"You strained your voice and have swelling from when you were strangled", a nurse who dared to hesitantly walk into his peripheral vision said. "Your voice will come back but it can take some time. We have to give yes or no questions from now on. Is that alright with you?"

Kaoru nodded, slowly and to the best of his abilities within his limited mobility caused by the neck brace. Hikaru, finally snapping out of it, hurriedly took Kaoru's hands in his and stared at him assuringly. Kaoru sent him an appreciative look and squeezed his hands as hard as a very weak, injured and sleepy guy could before looking back to the nurse. Hikaru tried to hide his pained noises as pressure was put on his broken fingers.

"Do you remember what happened before you lost consciousness?" The nurse asked and everyone was astonished when he actually nodded with a justifiably sour look on his face at the memory. "Really? Do you remember being put in the pain simulator?" He asked in disbelief and Kaoru nodded again. "Do you remember what your powers did?" Another nod. "Have you accidentally used your powers when you woke up now? We would have covered your eyes but we didn't think you would wake up after such a short amount of time". Kaoru thought for a second before he shook his head. "You haven't seen any of our memories?" He denied it again. "That's good… not what we expected but I can assure you that no one is disappointed. We would have liked to ask you more specific questions to further test your memory, like your full name and age, but that has to wait… at least until someone grabs a notepad".

Kaoru looked down at his and his brother's entangled hands before letting go. Hikaru looked at him with puzzlement as the younger twin meticulously and gently unfolded and spread Hikaru's fingers and raised both of the older twin's hands as high as he could. Then he unfolded his own hand and spread his own fingers before stopping for a second to looked disapprovingly at his broken arm that laid uselessly and unmoving. He sighed before he looked back at the nurse, placed his already spread hand next to Hikaru's and went back and forth between showing all five fingers or just three of them.

Kaoru grew increasingly annoyed that no one understood his genius. Eventually, a wave of realization hit one of the nurses' faces and she burst out laughing.

"Are you trying to answer the age question?" She asked and the others showed signs of finally understanding too. "Are you trying to show the number 18 with your limited amount of fingers?"

Kaoru nodded and placed his hand in his lap while glaring at Hikaru who was laughing at him.

"That must be a good sign", the first nurse who had spoken to him commented jokingly. "Even if it would be interesting to see you try to mime your own name, I think we have enough to say that your memory seems intact. At least when it comes to more recent events. We will question you further later. I'm going to go and get the doctor".

He disappeared out the door and the remaining nurses spoke about what had just happened before talking about their inadequate spouses (like they did before). Kaoru tugged at Hikaru's sleeve to get his attention before making a circle with his thumb and finger. He went back and forth from holding that circle over his right eye and his left. It wasn't too difficult for Hikaru to understand what he meant this time.

"You want to know about your boyfriend and his very famous monocle?" Hikaru teased quietly and received a pathetically weak slap on his shoulder. "He is probably in his room. He has probably visited you already. If he hasn't it's probably because it would be suspicious for him to be here. I'll tell him that you woke up… and that you're better than we hoped".

Kaoru smiled at him before letting go of him again. He stared up at the ceiling with a content expression which was misunderstood by his twin. He wasn't smiling because he was happy to be alive and well, he was smiling because he wanted to enjoy a small victory and the following moment of joy that made him feel lighter before he would undoubtedly fall flat on his face again when everything truly caught up to him.