A/N: SO here is the final chapter! Thank you so much to the ones who have read this far. Thank you so much for your support! I, unfortunately, won't respond to any more comments on this story here since I think I only can do it in the story like I've done before or else send a message. If that isn't the case then please tell me how to do it differently TT
If I get many comments here I might add another chapter just to respond to them but since this is a smaller fandom and this is a niche story, that probably won't happen. So I'll most likely only respond to comments on Archive on our own (same username there) so leave your comments there and there is a bigger chance I'll respond (but I might not do it quickly since while I'm working on the next story I probably won't be as active on either or Archive of our own).
Something I was lazy about is showing more of Hikaru's and Lucy's relationship. I don't think I thought it was important to show while I write it but now I think I should have given it at least a little more time.
Also, this zero concept I came up with will probably be used in at least one future story, but probably in another fandom. Perhaps Voltron but I don't have a story idea there so we will see.
Chapter 22. Home.
Police sirens were going off and the doctor in Kyoya wanted to go back and make sure that no one was bleeding out on the street somewhere, but he needed to pull the twins away to safety. People yelled, tried to severely hurt each other with whatever they could find and the cops only added to it all. Kaoru, being 13 years old, was thoroughly confused and scared at the commotion. He was wearing a white shirt covered in red and it had almost made him pass out but Hikaru had assured him that it was fake blood and that they would explain to him later.
Before all the screaming and fighting started, Kaoru remembered being among a big mass of people with flags, banners, signs and megaphones. Some people had face paint and things shooting out colored smoke. So, it was already a little stressful before all the violence, but obviously not the same thing.
Kyoya was half dragging the brothers over the street and into an alleyway. Kaoru managed to catch a glimpse of someone smashing a cop car's front window and getting tased before he was pulled away from sight.
"You both need to take off your shirts and masks. Or else they'll know that you were a part of that group".
"What the hell did we do?" Kaoru asked in exasperation as Hikaru was hurrying to do as Kyoya had said. "And should we really walk around shirtless in town?"
"You two don't have a choice since you decided to join this protest. I just hope they won't suspect you two. At least you were smart and wore masks. Please take them off, Kaoru".
Kaoru reluctantly obliged and Hikaru crossed his arms defiantly.
"We didn't do anything wrong! The protest was legal and neither Kaoru or I participated in the fighting or vandalism".
"And I don't doubt your words but they won't see it like that. Right now they can't tell who is peaceful and who is partaking in the fighting. Especially since everyone is running away regardless".
"I feel like you're angry at us but I don't know what exactly we did… What protest are we at, Hikaru?" Kaoru asked his brother.
"A pro zero one, big focus on marriage and other rights we don't have yet. You were a little older when we decided to join".
"I'm around 13 now".
"Really? Haven't seen you in years!".
"Years?"
"Yes, I am angry", Kyoya interjected while throwing away the incriminating evidence in the nearest dumpster. "You know I love that you're trying to change the world but this was a dangerous idea. You know the group who is holding these events aren't exactly pacifists when being provoked. This could have gotten you in even more danger! What were you thinking!?"
"Don't scold us- me like I'm a kid", Hikaru spat back and ignored the glare Kaoru sent his way. "We can't do much else and we wanted to be on the right side of history… how did you even find us?"
"You were on TV and I came here as soon as I could. I recognized the masks and your changed hair color didn't fool me, Hikaru".
"I didn't color it for that reason", Hikaru rolled his eyes and pulled his fingers through his newly dyed brown hair.
A loud yell interrupted them and Kyoya sternly told them that they needed to leave before he started to walk away. The twins followed; Hikaru with a stubborn glare and Kaoru with a frown.
"Why didn't he know that we went to the protest?" Kaoru whispered to his brother. "That sounds like a stupid idea".
"You really didn't complain about it at the time".
"Why? Why wouldn't I tell him? He wouldn't stop us".
"Look, I know you're having a big crush on him-". Kaoru blushed slightly. "But sometimes issues happen and not all parties are adult enough to handle them".
"What did I do?"
"What- you didn't do anything other than gaining self respect. You could only reasonably take him being secretive with you for so long. It's ridiculous at this point".
"Secretive? Are he and I fighting?" Kaoru asked, clearly distraught.
"More so you are distant with each other since you realized that he never intended to tell you anything. He then reaffirmed that he would tell you but he keeps putting it off and acting like usual. You've been stuck with helping him with his nightmares for years and he knows everything about you… it's a bit unequal".
"If he doesn't want to tell me anything he doesn't need to".
"Give it about a decade, then you'll realize".
"Will he stop being my friend because of this?"
"That depends on him… but don't be too worried, he couldn't give you up even if he tried", Hikaru hurriedly added when he saw the panicked look on Kaoru's face.
"I don't want him to be mad at me".
"You're the one mad at him".
That didn't seem to make him feel any better. To further his surprise Kyoya unlocked a car and entered through the driver's seat.
"When did he get a car?"
"When he realized he was tired of taking cabs".
After the twins also stepped in the car and closed the doors, the car drove off.
Kyoya didn't really say anything to them when they arrived at the house. It appeared like he wanted to hurry out of the car and into the house faster than them so he could leave them behind, but he had to wait to lock the vehicle. It burned behind Kaoru's eyes and he kept them trained on his shoes as he walked past Kyoya, following Hikaru. He didn't like being ignored and possibly being disliked by Kyoya. Even if Hikaru has assured him the contrary, Kaoru still felt that it was his fault.
"My stomach hurts", Kaoru mumbled when they were in the living room with a hand on his tummy.
"Maybe you ate something bad? We did stupidly take cookies from an offering stranger at the protest. I've been worried for a few hours since it could have been weed cookies. I think that alone has taught me a lesson not to do it again".
"I'm gonna lie down".
Kaoru suspected that his stomach issues came from his anxiety since it reminded him of how he used to feel with his parents. He questioned his own theory since surely it would take more than this for him to be worried. Yes, Kyoya was a bit colder towards him than he was used to and they were apparently having a disagreement… but it was one issue, only one. Kaoru wanted to just go and tell Kyoya that he didn't owe him anything and didn't need to say anything, but that wouldn't be fair to his older self… his idiotic older self. What was he thinking? Kyoya was such a good thing in his life, an amazing person, why would he want to ruin that?
The younger twin lowered himself on the couch and closed his eyes.
"Do you want anything?" Hikaru asked softly.
Kaoru shook his head. He shuffled until his body was turned so his face was almost squished against the backrest and curled himself into a ball. He was alone now, no one was in the room. Hikaru was standing next to him but Kaoru felt like he had successfully closed him out. The older twin sighed before leaving; he had some fake blood left to clean off. After quickly making sure that he wasn't staining the couch (the moment of panic caused him even more physical pain), he curled up again and stayed there.
The entrance door opened and the third inhabitant finally entered the house. At least Kaoru assumed so, but who else would it be? He heard footsteps and a presence behind the couch in the kitchen. Either Kyoya hadn't noticed him or didn't care. Kaoru couldn't help but believe the latter and it made the pain cause him nausea. He didn't think Kyoya would notice if he cried but he didn't want to do it regardless.
"I'm overreacting and it's stupid. This is not the same, this won't be the same… ".
Kaoru heard the footsteps again and he guessed that Kyoya was on his way to the staircase. The footsteps stopped.
"Kaoru?"
The older male was ignored. Kaoru heard him starting to walk again, in his direction this time.
"You're not asleep".
No, he supposed that was obvious… or? He would have wanted to ask how Kyoya could be sure about how he looked when he was asleep if things had been different, but instead, he kept quiet. It became harder and harder to not make any sounds since he knew he would throw up if he made Kyoya even more irate with him.
"Are you feeling well?" Kyoya asked and sat down at Kaoru's feet; Kaoru knew he couldn't ignore this anymore.
"No".
The taste of the fabric covering the couch entered his mouth when he parted his lips and he wasn't sure if the other man could actually understand him.
"Did you injure yourself at the protest?"
Kyoya sounded a little worried now and Kaoru could imagine the look in his eyes.
"No… stomach hurts".
"Oh, do you need anything?"
Kaoru knew Kyoya was only speaking so kindly to him because Kaoru was younger now and that hurt even more than his current issue.
"Not if you are gonna be cold to me".
"I'm sorry if I was acting cold before. I was worried about you two sneaking off, without telling me, to a situation that turned harmful. I do understand that it's your decision to go to these protests- and that this is probably not the first one- but… ".
"Are you disappointed that we didn't tell you?"
"I understand why. I think I deserve that pettiness, even if I mostly blame Hikaru for you not letting me know. I know you well enough to be sure that older you are feeling guilty about hiding anything from me. I have no right to ask about what you're doing… ".
Kaoru awkwardly turned around and opened his eyes. He had to blink a couple of times because of the sudden light.
"Don't feel like that. I'm probably just being unfair", Kaoru assured and Kyoya sighed with a sad smile.
"I shouldn't have this conversation with you at this age since I know how nice you can be… and how little you can know your own worth sometimes. Look, this is my fault and I will fix it. I… I have never said out loud what I need to say. Never. Tamaki only knows because he was there and I couldn't hide it from him. He doesn't have details of everything. Even if I don't think I've gone through anything worse than you have, which makes me feel even more guilty, I've never been an open person. I trust you, it's not your fault that I've been silent this whole time, but I'm-".
"Scared?" Kaoru finished, understanding.
"I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things since that doesn't change the fact that I'm not being fully honest while having expected you to be for the entire time we have known each other. Yes, you hid things too but you intended for them to come out. I know I'm making you insecure by keeping my doors closed. You deserve so much more".
His posture was slumped in defeat in a way 13-year-old Kaoru wasn't used to. However, there was like a voice in his head telling him that this wasn't the first time.
"Why haven't you explained all this before?" Kaoru asked. "And don't ask how I can possibly know that you haven't. I can tell by the way it pains you to talk. You also would have given me the cliff note version if older me already knew".
"Your assumptions are correct. Even like this, you know me", Kyoya noted while absentmindedly massaging Kaoru's leg, not noticing at that point how intimate that action was and Kaoru was trying not to blush. "I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to make you feel ashamed. I didn't want you to force yourself to pretend to be okay with me holding back for even more years. I know you don't want to lose me at any cost and that you don't want me to hurt… but I will say this to your present self since it's not fair otherwise".
Kaoru's eyes rolled back into his head, just for a second, before going back down again.
"I don't think you need to", Kaoru said with a chuckle. "I'm not alone here right now. He isn't coming out quite yet since he doesn't want to interrupt something important, but he is here".
Kyoya was only shocked for a fraction of a second. He looked a little coy at first before he started to massage Kaoru again. The younger man closed his eyes again, but not as tightly this time around, only wanting to enjoy the moment before older him would take over again. The ache in his stomach was forgotten.
Kaoru's phone rang and his heart skipped a beat in his chest. Ever since the protest he had been paranoid about their friend group possibly figuring out that Hikaru and he were zeros. Their friends not having texted the twins since that day (three days ago) watered the growing paranoia within him. It could just have been a coincidence since their friendship was strong enough to survive days without contact, but no one responded in the chat group after Hikaru sent a stupid meme. Just left him on read and now Kaoru was overanalyzing. He just hoped they were too busy to respond to something non serious.
He dared to pick the phone up and was delighted to see that it was his sister and not a friend calling to yell at him for being a "freak". Yes, he knew he needed to actually make sure that things were fine before jumping to conclusions like a military wife jumping between lovers (a particularly entitled woman in the grocery store, and her public drama, was the reason for that comparison).
"How is our little business lady doing?" Was the greeting Ageha received.
"Doing better than you it sounds", was the response.
"Just the usual stress that comes with my life. At this point I just need to forget it sometimes".
"Then I won't pry… or ask the stupid question: 'how are you doing'?"
"I appreciate that. Please distract me with whatever drama you wanted to rant about".
"I'll let that rudeness slip since I really did come to rant".
Kaoru went to sleep late like he usually did on school nights nowadays. He hadn't studied full time before so he didn't know how to properly manage his time yet. He was still stoked that he was finally allowed to do this full time of course, but it felt a little unfair that nothing he had ever done could have prepared him for a struggle like this (he was tired, he was allowed to be dramatic).
He hadn't slept in his and Kyoya's room in a while and didn't want them to drift apart more than they had already, so the master bedroom was where he decided to go. A small ball of nervosity moved around uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach at the fear of intruding, but it was ridiculous. This was his room too and he knew Kyoya did want him there… he knew. Despite that, he was very slow and meticulous when he placed his body on the bed, not wanting to wake Kyoya up. Kyoya shuffled slightly when the mattress dipped behind him but he remained asleep. Not daring to disturb him further, Kaoru stayed on top of the blanket. It wasn't that cold anyway and if he was lucky he would get a warm body wrapped around him by the time he woke up again. Kaoru closed his eyes and moved slightly closer to Kyoya. He rolled onto his stomach with his arms on each side of his body, hands close to his face.
...
Kaoru was in the bathtub, crying. The door was locked, he was allowed to be a "sissy" for once. He would be more of a man outside this room, but now he could be weak. The water was on so his sounds were drowned out. Only his upper half was naked. Normally that would have given him a panic attack since "ruining his clothes" was a bad thing to do. However, he was older now so he could take care of his own clothes. As long as he didn't make a mess, he could stay in the water. His back hurt, God it hurt. He had been a man before and he was proud, but now he wept like a baby. He was small but not a baby.
There was a knock on the door and he immediately started to hold his breath. He stayed in the same position but the body from the memory must have moved since more water started to fall, drowning out the knocking. Clever. No voice accompanied the knocking, at least not of what Kaoru could hear. The person on the other side probably thought that he was just taking a shower. The body must have been standing up now, directly under the stream coming from the showerhead above, since the water in the water was turning pink even quicker now. He almost felt like a deflating water balloon as more and more blood ran out. Perhaps the boy wished to be completely deflated, perhaps he sometimes wished to bleed out. It was a similar yet strange thought. The boy wasn't crying anymore but the faucets in Kaoru's eyes turned on. Unlike the boy, he wouldn't hold it back. He would cry for him, make the pink tint in the bathwater lighter with the tears he was shedding. Especially when flashes of what had happened before temporarily pulled him away. He screamed and clutched his head in pain. He had never done that before but it was what he had wanted.
...
When he came back his tears still hadn't stopped and he felt his body aching even more. He also hated that he couldn't hug the boy since they were the same when he was there. Another memory flashed before his eyes, a memory of a faceless woman radiating warmth. Was it even a memory? Was it just a thought? It was clearly comforting. She reached out to him but disappeared before they could touch…
Kaoru opened his eyes. They were wet and his vision was blurry but he could still see a face not far away from his, but a lot lower than he would have expected.
It took him a second to realize that although he was still on his stomach, he had rolled over so he was facing the wardrobe and that Kyoya was kneeling on the floor next to the bed; analyzing him with a worried look and caressing Kaoru's sweaty cheek. The younger male breathed in and out deeply. The glue-like sweat made Kaoru's clothes cling to his lean frame and Kyoya was whispering some calming words, but Kaoru's heart beat too loudly in his ears to be able to make out the words. He was shaking like a leaf, but not out of coldness.
"D-did I wake you?" Kaoru asked and Kyoya let out an incredulous snort.
"Don't think about that", Kyoya assured softly and Kaoru's eyes widened as he realized what had just happened.
He grabbed Kyoya's hand and held it close as he started to apologize profusely. Kyoya looked taken aback and even more concerned than before.
"I promise that I'm not angry with you for waking me up", Kyoya enforced, not understanding quite yet what was happening.
"I forgot how little effort I needed to do it! I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad at me! Please don't l-leave me! I just wanted this to be over. I wanted us back! But I forgot that wanting that was all it could take. So please, I'm sorry. Please I never wanted to do this to you. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry… ".
Kaoru started to hyperventilate. His chest pressing against the bed made his breaths feel more restricted so he immediately sat up. The action made Kyoya's hand fall from his face. The older man was a statue for a moment before he finally turned back into an alert human being again. He instinctively wanted to hold his panicking boyfriend but he knew from experience that it could greatly impair him further. Instead, he started to gently massage Kaoru's thighs and try to soothe him again.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. What do you think you did wrong? Breathe, stop apologizing and focus on breathing. We can talk when you're calmer, okay? I won't be cross with you. You aren't capable of hurting me so much that I leave. I know you. Keep breathing. You're doing so good. I'm not going anywhere. That's it. Good".
With Kyoya's guidance, Kaoru eventually managed to get his breathing more under control. Kyoya's hand was still on his thigh, but not in a sensual way. More like a small physical comfort to ground him. The touch was simultaneously nice and painful since Kaoru was still convinced that Kyoya would freak out on him.
"Can you talk now?" Kyoya softly asked and Kaoru nodded. "What happened?"
"I… ", Kaoru started before sighing. "I was crying in a bathtub. My body hurt. I had made my father angry but I don't know why. I was not even sure there was a difference between punishment and him just being angry".
Even if Kaoru stayed vague, Kyoya's body immediately went rigid. His hand stopped moving but stayed in place. His face was blank but his eyes were fixated on Kaoru's wet face. Kaoru kept on going:
"I was proud about not crying in front of him and I was starting to remember my mom… or at least the little I remember of her. Her beautiful hair… real or fake?"
If Kyoya had been someone else, the way Kaoru chose to present what he had seen could have been seen as cold, heartless even. However, both needed to be as calm as possible and Kaoru was putting all the balls into Kyoya's court; was Kaoru just dreaming up something, or would Kyoya confess? Whatever would be fine for Kaoru since he was so guilt ridden from accidentally using his powers on Kyoya.
At first, Kyoya looked conflicted before sighing in what looked like… relief? Kaoru felt the warmth leave his thigh before Kyoya rubbed his own face with both hands.
"Years ago I would have considered saying 'fake'. Obviously I wouldn't have outright said it since I care more about you not questioning your memories".
"Are you angry with me now when you know what I did?"
"I believe you when you said that you didn't mean to do it… and if I'm being honest, in my cowardice, I did hope that you would try to 'find out for yourself'. I never thought you would do it on purpose of course. Which you didn't… you know, I couldn't understand why you insisted that I needed to learn about you but not from you. You made me read your files, you made me hear about you being a zero from a conference… These last few years I've understood it completely. It's scary sometimes to explain things that are, and have been for a long time, painful. I'm not saying that it was a healthy choice but still. I know you've been through so much more than I. And I can't deny that the shame over me 'making a big deal out of my lesser trauma' made me put off telling you even more".
"Don't do that. You would tell others to not put down their own experiences so you shouldn't do it as well", Kaoru told him sternly and grabbed his hands and pulled them from his face. "Can you come up to bed with me?"
Kyoya nodded and stood up. Without letting go of Kaoru's hands he sat down in front of him on the thick mattress they had picked out together years ago.
Kaoru suddenly chuckled humorlessly.
"I guess we haven't improved from when I didn't tell you things straight out and made you figure things out by yourself… are we just always going to be incapable of being open with each other about difficult subjects?"
Kyoya let go of one of Kaoru's hands and reached over to the nightstand to pick up Kaoru's phone. While Kyoya usually used a clock, Kaoru preferred using his phone as an alarm (when he remembered to turn off the vibration). Kyoya clicked on a button to make sure that it was on, the light from the screen illuminating his face. Then he handed it to Kaoru who immediately noticed a text from the man in front of him, sent not long ago. Kaoru even guessed that Kyoya hadn't been woken up by Kaoru's crying and fidgeting and instead woke up by himself before crafting this message. Maybe Kyoya hadn't been truly asleep at all for all Kaoru knew. He didn't know, nor did he care. The only part of the message on the locked screen he could see was:
"I originally wrote this down as preparation for when I was going to tell you, but".
"You might as well read it now", Kyoya encouraged and Kaoru swallowed before unlocking his phone.
"I originally wrote this down as preparation for when I was going to tell you, but I decided to send it all to you instead. It's not as good as telling you verbally but I think this should be considered a step in the right direction when it comes to communication? Obviously, we will talk about this further later. I hope you're sitting comfortably, preferably in our bed, because this is a long one.
"My father has always been a stern man. Most people have a spectrum of emotions but he only seemed to have three; indifference, pride and fury. I would have liked to paint him with brighter colors by saying that this change happened after my mother died, but that's not how I remember it. Not that it matters. His emotions weren't the only thing that was limited. He seemed to see the world as though he was standing in the beginning of a very long and pitch-black hallway. He could only see the light at the end, not the doors littering the walls, not all the cracks and imperfections of the bricks… he couldn't even see that the walls were made out of brick. He only had one goal. One goal for my brothers, one goal for my sister, one goal for me, one goal for the world… He wanted to cut away everything that he saw as being in the way for the light he saw at the end of the dark. We weren't allowed to be in romantic relationships that wouldn't come with any merit and we couldn't do any activities that were seen as a waste of time.
"Sometimes our mistakes weren't obvious, sometimes it just depended on his mood on that particular day. My sister was the only one who never resorted to throwing a sibling under the bus. I didn't do it often but I realized fairly quickly that I had to blame my brothers back for survival. I know it sounds dramatic but I felt close to death many times after our father was done with me.
"My relationship with my brothers got more and more strained. Eventually, they decided to come to my dad with "concerns" about my sexuality. Of course, I never gave anything away. I was always resigned to marry some woman of my father's choosing and have children. I never planned on coming out. To this day I'm unsure if I had accidentally let my mask slip or if they thought it was a good idea to tell our father that they suspected me of being gay no matter what the truth was. I know they aren't heartless and that they just couldn't take the beating anymore. But just like your parents can't be forgiven for the horrible things they did to you, I can't forgive them for making my life hell. Seeing the way you care so deeply about Hikaru has shown me even more how terrible my own brothers were to me.
"As you can guess I became almost the sole target after that and the beating became much worse. No matter how much I assured him that my brothers were lying he didn't believe me. I know I'm not the most masculine man, never was, and I didn't have many typical "manly" interests. But I think he also saw signs that didn't exist. If I accidentally looked at another boy, even if it was fleeting and with disinterest, he thought that boy caused "impure thoughts". The only "impure thoughts" were the bigotry I was gifted from him. Not only against myself but against anyone different. Different like you. You have no idea how happy I am that I shook off enough of that bigotry to not hold myself back from being with you.
"I stayed longer than I should have. That's because he had forced my brothers and me to compete against each other to take over the company after him. In hindsight, I now understand that I never had a chance as the youngest, but staying regardless and obliging to my father's wants would have assured me wealth. Working for our company still would have "set me up for life". But it went too far one day. I couldn't stay away from other boys. I was a teenager. But because of the need for secrecy and internalized homophobia from years of physical and psychological abuse I didn't know how to do relationships in a healthy way. I couldn't find stability. I found boys who were horrible. Especially one of them with whom I had my first "real" relationship. He threatened to tell my father if I left so I stayed longer than I had wanted. I never went far with him sexually and ultimately broke it off when he was too pushy. He followed through with his threat. To this day I still think it was an incredibly stupid choice since he also revealed to his own abusive father who proceeded to broke his jaw so badly that he got permanent issues. I knew his father, hence why I was never 100 % convinced that he would do it. It was mostly the fear of loneliness and not being able to be with a man before I needed to pretend to be a perfect straight husband for the rest of my life that was more so the reason as to why I stayed.
"The morning after I broke up with that boy, my father pulled me out of my bed. I must have blacked out during it or maybe I have repressed the memories, but I woke up covered in more blood than I had ever seen before. He spat in my face before he left me to myself. It wasn't until I went to bed that night and couldn't sleep because my back hurt. I knew I couldn't stay like that. I knew I would end up committing suicide when I was 40, leaving innocent children and a clueless wife behind. Pretending wouldn't erase the pain and it would eventually just mold it into something much more damaging and sinister. I finally collaborated with Tamaki and left. I was promptly disowned. The old jerk probably assumed I left to be with Tamaki or something equally bizarre. I was almost poor for the first time in my life and had to build myself up. I was happy that I managed to get my degree paid for beforehand but it was still difficult. I'm lucky that my father valued his own reputation too much to ruin mine. He was smarter than the boyfriend in that sense I suppose.
"I am still damaged from everything but I'm getting better with the years. I still have more things to tell you but I think it's for the best that we have those conversations in person if at all. I don't think it's good for you to hear too many details but you're a grown adult so I won't make that choice for you. I always trusted you to take this well, but I didn't trust my judgement or ability. I hope you don't think texting you was a cowardly move. I don't think you will. I was very pleased to see you in our bed again. I hope you stay here all night despite how awkward I made things. Maybe I'm pushing that bed issue a lot now but I miss you when you don't sleep here. Not because of nightmares but because I'm used to you being here, I miss being able to hold you and watch the weird faces you make when you fart in your sleep… oh, yes that's something you do. I'm sorry I decided to tell you in a text like this but I'm not deleting it. I need something less serious to be able to send this. I'll see you tomorrow".
"Why did you have to add that last part?" Kaoru asked in an accusatory tone through tears. "Look at me, why did you have to make me laugh?"
"Because I felt the need to end on a lighthearted note… and because I suspected you would cry".
"Damn straight", Kaoru said, crawled into Kyoya's lap and held him tightly.
Kyoya held him too and started to rub Kaoru's back like he had done with his thigh previously.
"No, stop that. I'm trying to be the one to comfort you", Kaoru ordered him and Kyoya stopped his movements and buried his face into Kaoru's neck. "You're so strong, you know. I'm so proud of you".
"I should have told you earlier. I should have explained the scars when you first saw them".
"You weren't ready. It's fine. I'm so glad that you finally were comfortable enough and I won't make you regret telling me".
"I know you won't. I know".
"You know… ", Kaoru hesitated. "I would never hurt you anywhere like that. I know I used to think I would but I know I won't. I did know even before you told me… I'm sorry if bringing that up is insensitive I-".
Kyoya leaned back and pressed his lips against Kaoru's for a kiss to silence his worries.
"You've become awfully cheesy with age, Kyoya", Kaoru teased when they parted.
"Says the man who crawled into my lap to comfort me… or maybe you're just becoming a dog".
"As long as I'm a cute dog I'm fine with it", Kaoru yawned and Kyoya couldn't help himself and follow along.
It took some minutes to shift the position until they were lying in front of each other with their limbs tangled. They had a lot more to talk about but not right now. Both were exhausted to the point of nausea and headaches. Kyoya had work and since Kaoru had started studying full time, plus an internship at the "family business".
Kyoya's eyes widened. Kaoru, whose own eyes were already closed, didn't notice that something was very wrong with his boyfriend until he felt anxious hands all over his arms and face. Kaoru stared at Kyoya appalled as the older man looked right into his eyes like he was waiting for Kaoru to die right in front of him.
"What the hell?" Kaoru groaned.
"Are you injured somewhere? Are you bleeding!?"
"No! What are you on about? How could I hurt myself on our bed?"
"But you used your powers!" Kyoya exclaimed and Kaoru sat up so vehemently and suddenly that Kyoya nearly dodged being body slammed.
Kaoru started to immediately look for wounds as well but didn't even find the smallest scratch, even after both thoroughly searched every patch of skin on his body. None at all… and Kaoru wasn't seizuring. Still, Kyoya quickly went to get a knife before returning again just in case (Kaoru had stopped wearing his special ring a long time ago, but he wasn't exactly sure if he just forgot about it one day or if he had lost it while his memories were jumbled back at the military base). Kaoru took the knife but didn't use it on himself.
"I feel normal", Kaoru responded to Kyoya's questioning look. "I think we need to wait and see. I feel completely fine".
"I don't think we should take risks with your life, knowing what can happen to you if you don't do your sacrifice quickly enough".
"I should have been twitching on the ground with white eyes by now… and this isn't even the only weird thing. Why could I see your older memories while I was already in a memory? Sure I've wanted to know about your past really badly but I've never been able to do more than maybe sense feelings", Kaoru thought out loud. "Besides, I have no idea what to even carve".
"That is odd", Kyoya agreed, looking a bit more calm now. "I've read theories about zero sacrifices and some wishful tales of a world where zeros didn't need to do them… but how is this possible? You've said that the urge to use your powers was gone but maybe something happened that we couldn't foresee with your Richter vine?"
"Maybe it did more than cause me scars on the vine. Maybe it corrected something?"
"Maybe, but it's too early to tell. We need to keep watch over you until we can actually be sure that you're out of the woods".
"Is it enough for me just to keep the knife close by so we can try to sleep?"
"I'm not sure if I can when you could still get a seizure".
"With the way you're almost lying on top of me and barely keeping your eyes open, I beg to differ".
Both eventually did fall asleep, but they stayed uneasy for the rest of the night. Of course, they couldn't know back then that Kaoru would never have to do his zero sacrifice again.
"Lucy says that they are planning on having a movie night and that we have no choice but to attend", was the first thing Hikaru announced after coming back from the toilet and rejoining the others at the dinner table.
"It sure took some years for you to speak so amicably of each other", Kaoru noted. "And 'we have no choice'? Some people never had their younger sister run them ragged and that shows".
"You said yes to the internship so don't wine. I'm lucky that I didn't choose her route career-wise. And for your information, she and I have both matured and found other people. I don't see a reason for awkwardness".
"That is mature", Kyoya quipped before drinking the last of his coffee. "I'll clean up. You both have exams coming up soon".
"Ugh, please don't remind me while I'm trying to be distracted", Hikaru moaned dramatically, put away his own dishes and left the kitchen.
"I can help", Kaoru suggested but Kyoya shook his head.
"You cooked and -as I said- you have a lot to do. You're graduating soon and I know you've been working with trying to find more ways to do your activism. Especially now when you now know that there is a way for zeros to not have to hurt themselves".
"I still need to be careful with that since I don't want it to spread if trauma is what's needed to achieve this. Especially if this becomes the new medicine since I lost the urge to use my powers".
"That's true. We will figure it out", Kyoya assured before he started to put away the food in boxes (he didn't put them directly in the fridge since the food was still warm).
Kaoru leaned back and relaxed in his seat. Mostly because he was procrastinating but also because he was thinking. He hadn't thought much about how correct this path felt to him. Ever since he could see a future, and one he actually looked forward to, he hadn't thought much about his place in the world. He even realized that he had been wrong about going from being someone to being no one, nothing. Frankly, he had probably always been nothing. Yes, he helped the people he worked for but he couldn't know for sure that he helped a good cause. More likely he was just a pawn in a political dick-measuring competition between different governments. Some other zero with helpful powers was probably filling Kaoru's past role right now to the point that they really didn't need his serum anymore. It didn't matter how useful Kaoru made himself, and could have made himself, he would always be expendable. But he didn't feel expendable now. At least not more than any other person, but for now the thought didn't make him feel worthless. Yes, he might feel insecure again at times but he thought this was a good step forward.
"Don't you have something more important to do than sitting here and thinking?" Kyoya teased as he was getting ready to leave the room.
"Maybe I was thinking about you".
"No, your expression wasn't dreamy enough".
"Probably not".
Graduation was approaching and so was the end of Kaoru's patience if Kyoya didn't stop being away all the time. It didn't matter if Kyoya left him with as many juice boxes as he had wanted, Kyoya had promised to watch movies with him, Hikaru and their friends.
"He didn't actually promise, he just said that he would really try to come", Hikaru corrected.
Kaoru was the only one sitting on the couch while the others were sitting on the floor. Frankie and Liz were trying to prepare the movie but they were struggling for some reason.
"It's a DVD player. You're not the ones from a cult, you should know how to handle that", Hikaru teased them before turning back to Kaoru. "He has things to work on, remember? He is doing helpful things".
"'Cult'" Frankie responded with quotation marks. "Yeah, I remember".
The friend group hadn't actually figured things out because of the protest. The truth had actually come forward after different things were set into motion. The first thing was that Lucy had built up resentment from Hikaru never giving her any personal information and that resentment slowly spread. The second thing was that Liz got an epiphany that true friends should actually try to learn things about DID independently and when she researched and realized that things didn't add up she told the others and everyone started to doubt Kaoru. The third thing was that over the years it had been difficult for the twins to be consistent with their lies and their friends finally realized the holes in their tales. The twins were very close to just letting the entire friendship burn out until Kyoya told them that if they would be able to get any answers to Kaoru's recent development with his powers, they needed to come clean about their zero status anyway. So they had the option to decide if these friends were worth saving. And they were. It wasn't easy. Their friends didn't believe them initially and asked for proof…. then they were mad that the twins had provided proof by using their invasive powers on them (which the twins had warned them about). Then there was anger for the twins lying for so long and anger from the twins for their friends not even trying to understand why they needed to hide in the first place. They all eventually made up for the most part. Sure there was some weirdness and fear left but things were gradually becoming better.
"Is he missing Kyoya?" Lucy asked, not needing to understand the language to guess. "It's cute that he still is very attached to him at any age… ".
"Kyoya isn't acting inappropriately with him when he is a minor", Hikaru interjected.
"I didn't say anything!"
"Your face did and it's fine. I understand the worry. I would have too. Kaoru certainly has crushes on Kyoya when he is younger but Kyoya is not responding to that. Now, Frankie, how is it going with the movie?"
"I finally got it".
They chose 'Spirited away' since you could see it with Japanese dub and English subtitles. Toddler Kaoru had obviously picked up on some basic English throughout the years, but he wasn't very good at it (his brother and boyfriend blamed themselves for not teaching him since he could speak English most of the time when he was other ages) so this was the logical solution.
"Kyoya is missing it", Kaoru grumbled. "I miss him".
"I know I know. Maybe you can make him buy you something as an apology?" Hikaru suggested and Kaoru's face lit up.
Hikaru knew Kyoya didn't actually want him to use that to calm Kaoru, but as long as the cost wasn't too much he didn't suggest it too often. And Kyoya usually liked taking the opportunity to make Kaoru happy… Yes, Hikaru was starting to realize that it sometimes felt like Kaoru was their child and he didn't like it.
In the middle of the movie, Kyoya finally returned with a tired smile and a snack in his hands, that he immediately handed to an eager Kaoru (who was 16 now and didn't quite understand what was happening but a free snack was a free snack). He gave him and Hikaru a "I'll tell you later"- look before disappearing up the stairs.
"Does he feel too old to stay here?" Brooks asked.
"We are technically too old", Frankie interrupted before Brooks could open his mouth again. "He is clearly tired from whatever he was doing".
If things had worked out well, Kyoya would have met up with other zeros claiming to be like Kaoru. Kaoru doubted that Kyoya's meeting would have been unsuccessful since he didn't look downtrodden when he came back, and he had a reputation of being zero friendly. That reputation hadn't gotten him fired but people at work were definitely not happy with him and at least one hag questioned every patient Kyoya brought in until she got too many complaints and had to be reprimanded. And some still thought that Kyoya was in the wrong even if he only gave the patients the information they asked for to get her in trouble for her unprofessionalism (and spite.
Ageha had been very helpful with their cause. She might not have been able to be of use when it came to the science aspect, but she was able to spread support and information more openly, helping more zeros know about Kyoya. She had suggested that he probably should open a private clinic but he didn't know if it was a good investment yet even if he could afford it by now. Kyoya, Kaoru and Hikaru were saving up for a new house since they couldn't live in his sister's house forever. It just wasn't the most stable arrangement even if Kyoya and his sister were friends.
Later that evening the friends had left and the twins joined Kyoya in the office.
"Well?" Kaoru, still 16 but up to date, prompted.
"It was successful, in more ways than one. I became worried when everyone brought up trauma as the possible reason behind them not needing to do their sacrifices anymore. But it turned out that only two of the six were blockades and one of them didn't have what she would consider trauma. Which means that there might be something we have missed".
"That certainly changes things for the better", Hikaru smiled. "If she isn't in denial I mean".
"She has never been through anything that I would see as traumatic either. She is even one of the few zeros you hear of that is actually accepted in her family".
"How is she real?"
"Now the difficult part is left. It won't be easy to spread this to the correct people", Kaoru pointed out.
"As long as we are realistic I don't think we should put too much doubt in this", Kyoya said.
"Realistic?" Hikaru repeated.
"We might not be the ones to make a change but we could put things into motion".
"Oh, I doubt we will be alive when the government starts giving out 'anti sacrifice vaccines' or something. But I think I can live with just 'putting things into motion'".
Kaoru's back cracked when he bent over to pick up the basket of laundry and he didn't appreciate the signs of aging slowly creeping upon him. He was in his late thirties, he wasn't that old yet. It was insulting. He had been keeping up with workouts the last few years after feeling that he was slacking off too much after being discharged. But of course, no amount of working out could stop aging.
After putting up the clothes to dry it started to feel weirdly silent again. It wasn't that the house was usually filled with constant noise, but the absence of a certain someone made the silence even more quiet. When they moved to their own house it was with the expectation that all three would come along. To be fair, Hikaru hadn't officially moved out but he was spending more and more time at Lucy's so he might as well already have (they both had been single for a while before getting back together). Yes, Kaoru was shocked too that they found their way back together again. Their relationship looked more stable this time around so he didn't have anything to say about it. Obviously, Kaoru was happy for his brother wanting to live his own life, but it was difficult to accept this new development. It almost felt like a loss. Even if he had wanted this day to come for so long, the lack of the person who had been around him his whole life was painful. Kaoru did small things here and there to feel less lonely. He kept the TV on during the day even if neither he or Kyoya used it (apart from watching news and movies), he had to have music on in rooms where the noise from the tv couldn't reach and he tried to spend as much time as he could in the same room as Kyoya without annoying him. Kyoya assured him that it was fine but Kaoru knew Kyoya valued alone time, especially when he was working.
Currently, Kyoya was out on an errand. Their anniversary was coming up and they decided to stay at home and cook a nice meal. Mostly because Kaoru wanted them to create more happy memories in the house so they could feel at home quicker. Kyoya could probably also suspect that Kaoru, someone who didn't have as good of an income as him, felt a little too insecure lately to be happy about being treated to an expensive dinner at a restaurant. He didn't mention anything about it of course. Kaoru felt ridiculous and hadn't been this insecure in years, but he suspected that he felt more "unsafe" in a way without Hikaru on the other side of the seesaw, balancing things out. It would get better, he just needed time.
Kaoru went to get the vacuum cleaner since he was done with this load of laundry and he wanted to keep himself busy (despite already having done the vacuuming in the living room yesterday). When he got back he stopped just before he was about to turn the machine on. The voice from the TV was clear but Kaoru still felt that he was somehow making up the words.
"Was the press conference today? Was there even supposed to be a press conference at all? Yes, I have been told that these kinds of questions have been treated but why are they talking about it now… unless".
The people on the screen started to cheer and clap their hands. There were some that cried and raged like God would end the world because of this, but most looked genuinely happy.
After being stuck in stunned silence, he almost threw himself at his phone, which was charging on the ground, to call Kyoya. That asshole didn't answer. Neither did he to the other five calls Kaoru tried to make.
"Answer, you bastard", he muttered to the phone, hoping that Kyoya could hear despite not accepting the call.
If he hadn't been like this right now he would have been worried. Now he was trying to prevent himself from leaving the house to drag his boyfriend home to tell him what he had learned…. or he could try to be the quicker one and leave to get things in order first. He felt proud of himself for being so smart.
After sending a quick message to Kyoya that he needed to go out for a bit and would be gone when he came home, he grabbed his jacket, put on his shoes and unlocked the door. As soon as it was open Kaoru almost ran into what his peripheral vision told him was a child. But it wasn't. It was Kyoya on his knee with a ring out. He was breathing heavily like he had been hurrying home.
They stared at each other for a while before Kaoru glared at him.
"You beat me, you fucker. I was about to buy one too".
"Then you can't be mad at me for not spending a long time picking the ring out".
"I'm the only one who wears jewelry so I guess you have a bigger chance of guessing what I like".
"So now when we agree, take the damn ring and react like a normal new fiancé does", Kyoya jokingly demanded and Kaoru took the ring and looked on in amazement as he put it on his own finger.
He was only snapped out of it when Kyoya wrapped his arms around him.
"If our sisters and Hikaru wouldn't kill us, I would drag you to the courthouse and marry you right here and now", he murmured against the skin of Kaoru's neck and Kaoru hugged him back.
"40. I'm soon 40 and I started to think that I really wouldn't see this day come. I honestly thought we had a bigger chance of getting an 'anti sacrifice vaccine'".
"I never knew I wanted this day until it came… or maybe I did know before. I didn't exactly choose a random jewelry store I found".
"Maybe your ring window shopping made some fairy godmother out there feel really sorry for you and finally gave you a chance to buy something?"
"... I don't think I looked that sad… now, it's cold".
Kyoya pulled his new fiancé back into the house and locked the door. Their moment was interrupted by the grating sound of Kaoru's phone. The younger man groaned and went over to answer, Kyoya never let go of him the entire time.
"Hello", Kaoru said into the phone and the voice on the other end was so loud that he had to hold it further away from his ear.
"Hello!? I tried to reach my dumbass brother after seeing the announcement on TV!"
"I was busy getting engaged!"
"... wow. Really? Congratulations! … I'm not talking to you about this right now".
"Why?"
"Because I can practically hear him taking off your clothes right now. Useless homos… ".
Kaoru was sitting on the grass next to the lake. He felt both nervous and calm. It was serene but something he couldn't pinpoint was off.
"It seems that I've been gone for longer than I thought", Jiro said, sitting down next to him. "I decided for the longest time to just fade away and not bother you anymore, but I guess I wanted to say a last goodbye".
"And you waited until I was almost 40?"
"I don't control how fast I'm fading".
"No, that would be me. Wouldn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"You must be here because I think about you more than usual. You should be with us tomorrow".
"I died at 17. You can't know for sure that we would have still been friends in our late 30s".
"So, you're saying that this should count as me idolizing you in my head?"
"I can't hurt you anymore when I'm not alive. You probably never really think about what I tried to do".
Kaoru glared at him.
"You're making it sound like I'm happy that you're dead since then I'm safe and can think of you fondly".
"I really didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I just wanted to help you miss me less I suppose because I won't be able to show up like this again".
"Is this some symbolic shit? I don't 'need' you anymore or something stupid like that?"
"Please, when have you ever needed me? Nothing symbolic. I'm being as literal as I can possibly get. Age made you slow".
"Or maybe you're just unclear".
"Maybe… hey, Kaoru-".
"Not again. You're going to ask what the difference between the death of a zero and the death of a non zero is".
"So, what is your answer? This is the last time I'll be able to ask after all".
There was something smug and excited about the way he was asking that and Kaoru didn't know how to interpret it. Still, he found no reason not to humor dream-Jiro.
"I think my answer is predictable. My answer is nothing, at least not in any way that means anything when you get right down to it. Yes, many people won't care when a zero dies, or might even celebrate it, but that's the same for so many other people. I've seen enough homophobia and racism to realize that I'm far from the most hated person out here", Kaoru responded while looking straight into Jiro's eyes before looking down into the lake. "Did you finally get the response you have longed for?"
"If you had answered correctly when I was still alive then yes. I would have been very satisfied but I've changed".
"My mind-Jiro has gone through character development? At what point am I just simply insane?"
"No, I don't think I've been 'awake' enough for that… no, the real answer is that when we use our powers on someone before we die… we kind of stay for some time".
Kaoru's eyes flew right back to Jiro again.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm dead… but at the same time not. When I'm talking about fading, I mean that the last part of me that's alive is slowly leaving you. I tried to tell you about it last time, many years ago, but was rudely interrupted".
"I know you're not here. I just wish you to be".
"You're awfully aware that this is a dream. Don't you think that's a little weird? Don't you think it could be possible that me, a mind zero, accidentally got attached to your mind?" Jiro said before sighing. "Look, I know it's weird. I obviously don't understand it either. Maybe we send a part of ourselves when we use our powers on others, like you, Hikaru and I do? I'm not a scientist, I don't know. I also don't know how to convince you".
"Well…. I guess this isn't completely weird since zeros can leave a piece of themselves in their serums".
"It's probably the artificial version of what I accidentally did!"
"Maybe… I can't believe you're actually here".
"And I can't believe you finally answered correctly when I wasn't caring so much about it anymore. I guess death does that to you".
"Only being a part of your old self might have contributed too".
"True, true".
"I thought something like this would be more emotional to me".
"Just wait. It will probably hit you when you wake up. Don't cry for too long though, you have to be happy tomorrow".
"I know. Don't worry about it".
They were silent for a while. Kaoru was happy that his old friend wasn't completely gone just yet and that he could have a last conversation with him, but he didn't know what to say. It seemed like Jiro didn't have much more than his usual question, so he didn't have anything to say either.
"It's sad that I don't know what else to talk to you about. It feels kinda unfair", Kaoru murmured, disappointed in himself.
"If this is what counts as so unfair to you then your life must be pretty good right now, right?"
"It is but that doesn't change how I feel".
"I'm really happy for you. I want you to know that", Jiro smiled at him. "But I'll also be so damn happy when I can fully pass on and don't have to occasionally hear your thoughts about toys and angst".
Kaoru chuckled but then turned pale.
"Please tell me that you didn't hear anything that I wouldn't want you to".
"Like what?" Jiro asked, genuinely confused and it instilled some hope within Kaoru.
"You know… alone times with the fiancé… sexual alone times?"
"Since I haven't been awake much I've only got a few glimpses, but I don't get why that would make you uncomfortable. It's what most species do".
"I… I suppose you really meant it when you said that just a small part of you are left here".
"I only really feel a few feelings. One is regret".
"That sounds painful".
"I don't feel pain. Nor boredom… nor time so for me, it hasn't really been that long".
"That's a relief. Wouldn't want you to be forced to suffer".
"I am no more than an echo, or a shadow of my former self. A recording. There is not much to me".
"I'm glad you at least could tell me what you've been sitting on for decades, in the way you wanted".
"Me too… I think. My 'script' is pretty limited, as you know".
"Before you go… Can I hug you? I will hate myself later if I don't take the chance".
"We can't have you hating yourself when you cry over me later", Jiro said a little teasingly.
They shuffled closer to each other and Kaoru managed to embrace him. But only for a few seconds…
...
Kaoru woke up with a painful lump in his throat and tears starting to fall. Kyoya was still sleeping beside him so he turned over and buried his face into the pillow. Just long enough for him to calm down to an extent he wouldn't weep loudly when he went to the bathroom.
He cleaned up a bit before looking into the mirror. Instead of starting to cry again, he smiled. This was good, he was good.
Later that day, Kaoru was sitting outside of the small venue. He was dressed in the nicest clothes he had ever worn: a nice suit he himself had designed at his workplace (no it wasn't a shameless plug). It was beyond him, why he was feeling nervous. The gathering was quite small, people he had met before. This day wouldn't change much, while at the same time change everything. But this was something Kaoru wanted, something he deserved.
The door opened and Hikaru stepped out.
"As the honorary father of the bride, I'm here to get you".
"Don't call yourself that".
"I think I have the right to since you wanted me to give you away".
"Because you asked to be able to give me away. Otherwise we wouldn't have kept that tradition since Kyoya and I are both dadless men".
"Well, today you won't be either, bride".
"Shut up", Kaoru laughed. "Ready to go in?"
"I'm supposed to ask you that!" Hikaru exclaimed. "So… is the traitor ready to marry and give up our last name?"
"He is taking my name, idiot".
"Really!?"
"I'm not actually a woman. You should know that".
"Yeah, but I know you've talked about you taking his".
"He has fewer reasons to keep his and I've got more reasons to keep mine. Now, I can't keep the other groom waiting, can I?"
The first thing he noticed was the boring-looking book in his hands. He put it down with disgust. The second thing he noticed was that he was much stiffer than before. Not much but it was noticeable. It confused him that there was a nice TV in front of him and he still chose a boring old book.
"Kaoru!" A familiar voice called from another room. "I'm boiling water. Do you want coffee!?"
"Not one of your weird tastes!" Kaoru called back, not realizing how rude that sounded.
Someone appeared in the doorway and Kaoru smiled at the sight. He looked a bit older and his soft-looking hair was starting to turn white, but he was still very recognizable.
"You're old", Kaoru couldn't help but comment and Kyoya chuckled.
"And you're as honest as always. I think I still have some of your toys around. If older Kaoru doesn't come out in time we can also watch movies you've missed later".
"Come around for what?" Kaoru asked, his curiosity pierced through the cloud of excitement he felt over Kyoya's suggestions.
"Just boring adult things. Nothing you need to think about. Wait here, I'll be right back".
Instead of walking in the direction of the bedroom, Kyoya went to the stairs leading up to the attic. Kaoru stood up from the couch and went to the kitchen because his throat felt dry. He noticed that the fridge was new when he opened the door. Coolness hit him and he was pleased to see that they hadn't run out of his favorite juice. With a big and full glass, and a content grin, he returned to the couch just as Kyoya came back with a slightly dusty box. The older man had clearly tried to remove some of the more disgusting signs of aging from the box, but the more stubborn particles remained unmoved.
"Here you go", he said as he put the box down on the floor. "I can't play with you right now but I'll be able to after I finish up".
"Where is Hikaru?" Kaoru asked.
"He doesn't live here anymore. He is living with aunt Lucy, but he does visit a lot".
"Why?"
"Why he is living with her? She is his wife, remember?"
"That's dumb. Why can't they live here?"
"Because they wanted their own house and we wanted ours. Don't sulk".
Kaoru was pouting but sat down on the ground to go through the toy box regardless. Kyoya ruffled his hair affectionately before leaving for his office.
By the time he came back to the living room, Kaoru looked fairly amused but not in a child-like manner.
"I wonder if he realized that sitting on the floor was a bad idea or if he just didn't care", Kaoru said while slowly and carefully standing up.
He was clearly aching and Kyoya chuckled.
"I don't think he thought some back pain mattered. I can give you a massage if you want to".
"Sounds nice but I saw the time. I have to prepare for the appointment and now I also have to clean up the mess younger me made".
"I can take care of that", Kyoya assured and walked up to him. "I know you're a little stressed and need to mentally prepare yourself too".
"Thanks", Kaoru said appreciatively and Kyoya pecked him on the cheek before he went to put all the toys back in the box.
Kaoru let his eyes wander to Kyoya for a bit as he was bending over before leaving for the kitchen. He still had an almost finished glass of juice in his hand. The last amount of orange liquid was downed before he washed the glass. After that, Kaoru wandered to his own office (the twins' old room). There were shelves filled with different kinds of fabric. Sheets of paper were scattered on the floor around a mannequin wearing a new dress he was working on, and his desk was littered. It wasn't a stress-inducing kind of mess, but a comfortable homey one.
After finally relocating the notes he had misplaced (he had been pretty exhausted that morning), he started to mindlessly read through them despite remembering everything still. He ignored the unopened letters since he didn't want to risk making himself more stressed by a potential setback in their cause (no, they had not given up on trying to remove the sacrifices).
This was a risk, what he was doing today, even with the increased acceptance. However, there would always be a risk.
Kyoya knocked on the door and opened it when Kaoru gave his consent. He told Kaoru that they were here now and that they could use his office since it was cleaner. Kaoru laughed and went along with the offer. He collected everything and stood up to leave.
Phyllis was one of those women people took one look at and immediately marked as neurotic. You know one of those people who got angry over the smallest slight, believed every conspiracy theory about vaccines and big pharma and always seemed to overreact. In this case, Kaoru only thought she was seen that way because she was a woman who had a lot of anxiety… or some only needed the "woman reason" to see all that. Her boyfriend could be one of them. She mentioned him a lot as to why she never went to therapy and he was with her now, but he seemed far from supportive. He didn't want her to waste money on a shrink when she "didn't have anything wrong with her, just fantasies" and looked completely disinterested and a bit uncomfortable with Kaoru's presence. The boyfriend wasn't what mattered (fortunately) so, with the exception of a polite greeting, Kaoru mostly ignored him in favor of Phyllis.
Kaoru led the couple to Kyoya's office and everyone sat down. He asked if they wanted to drink anything but they declined… or the boyfriend declined for the both of them but Phyllis didn't look like she wanted to object. She looked like she hadn't slept in a while so Kaoru assumed she didn't need more reasons to stay up and could live without coffee.
"Did you find anything?" Phyllis asked, hopeful yet scared.
"I did. It only took one try", Kaoru answered and even the boyfriend looked a bit interested now.
"It seems that you're not misremembering things. I don't want to go into details since I don't think that's healthy for you but I can confirm that what you've told me that what you dreamed of was part of a memory. I'm sorry".
"Don't be! I am just happy that I'm not afraid of my uncle for nothing… I'm sorry you had to see that".
"You are being conned again", the boyfriend groaned. "That's why he is so vague. Is he gonna read your palm next like that woman in the subway?"
"Please don't mock her when she just wants answers. I'm not going to be like your grandmother", Kaoru responded before turning back to her.
The boyfriend's eyes widened; his grandmother secretly putting "healing herbs" under Phyllis' bed when she was visiting wasn't something even Phyllis knew about. Phyllis didn't notice the part directed at his partner. She was mostly ignoring her boyfriend in favor of having an inner battle between knowing she wasn't imagining things and the realization about what had happened to her.
The couple didn't stay longer than an hour since Kaoru wasn't there to give psychological help. Just to give answers.
"Did things go well?" Kyoya asked after they left and Kaoru breathed out like he had been holding his breath.
"Yeah. I think it did. Don't think I want to do this too often. I guess I'm just more sensitive at my age when it comes to seeing things like that".
"Or you're just better at putting boundaries for your mental health", Kyoya suggested with a smile and turned to wash out his empty coffee cup. "Do you want to take a stroll to clear your mind a bit?"
"I missed today's workout due to stress so I could make good use of that", Kaoru teasingly said.
The day was warm and sunny. Perhaps a bit too warm, but the couple chose to take a route through a nice park that had a kiosk. It was only a ten-minute drive away.
"Get out of the car, old man!" Kaoru called, not waiting for Kyoya to lock the car door before he started to walk.
"Slow down, slightly less old, man!" Kyoya jokingly called back.
Kaoru snorted and waited for Kyoya to catch up since the walk wouldn't be pleasant for anyone if he was wound up the entire time.
When they were on the gravel trail, Kyoya intertwined their fingers and held Kaoru's hand. Kaoru grinned and they walked alongside each other, enjoying another moment of being content, happy, with life.
When they passed a lake someone splattered them with water, a laughing child. The men looked at each other and thought that not only was their life good, they were also quite content with their decision to never have children.