A/N: Hi, friends. Look, about today's chapter. It's going to get kind of heavy. It's going to be a beautiful melancholy, but it's going to get kind of heavy. Because the end of last week's chapter wasn't warning enough. Yeah. L's in DC to talk to Naomi. We all know it. He's at her graveside right now. So, hang in there and I'll see you next week, ok? Love you x

L knew why he was going to Washington DC. And he knew it'd be hard. And he knew he'd have to go it alone. But he didn't realize how hard it would've been. All the preparation in the world couldn't make him completely ready for something like this. The light chill in the air brushed over the back of his neck, making him squirm a little. But still…L knew what had to be done. However, despite his lack of religious beliefs, L needed some spiritual guidance. And this was the only place he could get it.

"I seem to be in quite the mess, Naomi," L put his hand on the marble stone in front of him. Only to roll his eyes at himself. I'm talking to a fucking rock. Am I really talking to a rock? Is this where my life is now? Is there really much of a point? A lot of people find comfort in this, but I don't understand it. Naomi died years ago. I've come to terms with that. I know she's not coming back. If that's the case, then why did I just fly halfway across the world just to sit in front of her grave?

Maybe it's like computer programmers having a rubber duck on their desk. Somewhere to bounce their ideas without having another person there. Same general principle. But in this case…Another person should be here. You should be here, Naomi. I shouldn't have had to ever say goodbye to you. Not like this. I wish I would've seen that sooner and I'll forever be kicking myself for that. Your sister told me at your funeral that it wasn't my fault and that no one saw it coming. But…Maybe she was just saying that to ease my guilt. Alas, here we are.

L pulled himself together a little better, his hands still on Naomi's headstone. I know you wouldn't believe me even if I were telling you this face to face. It happened, Naomi. I did it. You always said it was impossible for someone like me. That's why we worked so well together. But I did it. I made the biggest mistake someone like me could. I fell in love. I wasn't going to. Hell, I wasn't even looking for it. I had to go to Japan and work a case, so I was thinking a casual would've been a good idea. I was hoping to find something like what we had. But I didn't.

I thought I made it clear I was looking for a casual thing. But he made me work for it. Fuck, did he make me work for it. He tested me. Every last nerve. Every ounce of patience. He got it all. And somewhere along the way, I ended up falling in love with him. And in a miraculous turn of events, he fell in love with me. He just…had to go and be him. Somehow, that worked. We worked. Granted, we had a rocky start, but we figured things out along the way. Somehow. I still have a hard time believing I got so lucky, but…I don't know. Maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe lucky isn't the word for it.

He's something else, Naomi. He really is. He's…Good looking…An ass for days. My God…I've had to restrain myself for sinking my teeth into it. But…He's almost too much for me to handle. But that's alright. Because he knows how to handle me. I would've thought that would've scared him away, but…Again…Miraculously. He's still here. He worries about me. Every tick I've had since we've been together, he knows how to counteract it to keep it from spiraling. We're much more similar than I thought we'd ever be. I'm not sure if that speaks to me as an optimist or a narcissist, but I just want to listen.

But that's where the problem lies. We're in a good place. A really good place. After what happened to you…I don't ever want to leave him, Naomi. And I don't want him to leave me. Especially not the way you did. I still can't bring myself to think about it. I made myself a promise the day I found out you died. Don't do it, Lawliet. Don't you dare do it. You're not the type that needs to get married anyway. You saw what happened to Naomi. You wouldn't want to go through that twice, would you? And I don't. I still stand by that.

But that's what's scaring me so much with Light these days. Because everything's been…Almost perfect. I figured I'd never want to get married. I didn't think I needed to. But now…He and I made a trip to London not too long ago. Something about seeing him there felt…I don't know. Right. Like this is the way things were meant to be. The way they were always supposed to be. That Near and Mello never should've happened and I should've found Light sooner.

But what happened happened, so there's no sense of thinking in the past. I'd be lying if I said that trip didn't get me thinking. Maybe that's when this whole stupid idea of marriage hit me. I don't even know for sure if I want to marry Light or if societal norms are getting to me. But maybe…Maybe we get a new house in Chelsea. Something smaller than what I have now.

"A new house?" a voice spoke in L's head. One that hit him in the strangest way. A voice that was not his own, "What for?"

L wasn't sure what to do with himself. A part of him wanted to chalk it up to his mind playing tricks on him. But…His heart pointed him in a different direction, "The old house has too many memories. And not necessarily good ones. We need somewhere to start clean, but you know how I am about my real estate."

"You're a picky pain in the ass…I know. We knew each other for a long time, L. I know how you operate."

"I can complain about them all I want," L went on, "But in a way, they led me to him. So, it's not all bad."

"He sounds like something special…"

"He is," L nodded, "I never thought I'd ever wanted anything domestic. Ever. Not like this anyway. After this case is over, I had plans of going back to my house in Chelsea and waiting for the next one to catch my attention."

"But…?"

"But…" L smiled a little, "It's funny how plans change. You know what sounds nice?"

"What?"

"When we finish this case," L thought to himself, "Maybe we could go live a quiet life for a while. Maybe not my house in Chelsea, but somewhere quiet."

"Sounds maddening."

"No," L shook his head, "It sounds peaceful. Waking up every morning without the target on my back. Maybe with him on my back. Somewhere on the water."

"You always were a sucker for moving water."

"That hasn't changed," L giggled to himself, "But a place on the water…Secluded…Quiet. A small town down the road. I could use that kind of peace. However…"

"What's stopping you from that? If what you've said is true, I don't think he'd have a problem with it either."

"It's not that," L shook it off, "It's his father. He may prove to make things difficult. He seems to be a bit of a traditionalist."

"What kind of difficult? Does he have a problem with you dating his son?"

"It's not necessarily that," L clarified, "It's the fact that he works for me. His son does, too. Kind of. I say he works for me. That's the excuse we use anyway. He does handle some of my little pain in the ass things I don't want to do that I don't want to ask Watari to do, but it keeps him around the office. And I'm sure as hell not complaining about that. No, no. I get to keep any eye on him and I get something done. It's a win-win. But I think that might be what's bothering him. It's the whole professionalism thing getting in the way."

"That never stopped us."

"Exactly!" L chirped.

A quiet fell over L's head. And L felt a sense of calm radiate through his body, "You really want to marry him, don't you, L?"

"I think so," L leaned against Naomi's headstone, "But…I don't want to lose him like I lost you…That scares the absolute shit out of me. Because…After the last breakups I've had, I don't think I could handle another like you."

"Does he know about me?"

"Yes," L nodded, "It was one of those things we bonded over. No…Not really bonded. It was one of those things that the sooner we got it off the table, the more he'd be able to understand some of why I am the way I am."

"You know…" another cold chill went through L, "I don't think he'd be like me. I was already in a bad place when Raye and I got engaged. When he proposed, I panicked. And that's why I said yes to him. It's not that I didn't love him. Because I did. But I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment yet. I just said yes because…I figured that's what I had to do. If I didn't say yes, then it'd mean me losing Raye forever. Then…It all got very real very fast and…Well, you know how that ended."

"Unfortunately."

"That's what Nina meant by it not being your fault, L. There was nothing you could've done. And that's ok. From what you've told me about him, I don't think he'd be like me. Especially if he's as much like you as you seem to think he is. You don't need to worry about that. And you won't know what he'll say until you ask him about it. Does he even mention marriage around you?"

"No," L quivered, "He actively avoids it. We just appreciate what we have now. We live together. We work together. We've experienced world travel together. He's dealt with my exes before and came out on the other side without any bloodshed. It just feels like the logical next step, you know? But at the same time…I'm so fucking scared, Naomi. And I hate myself for being this scared, but if it means keeping Light in my life, then so be it. Let me be the biggest fucking coward known to man."

"You never know. He might surprise you. The worst he could do is say no. And I know how you feel about being told no, but like I said. He might surprise you. And if he does say no, then you pull yourself up by your bootstraps, brush yourself off, and keep him close anyway. Don't make the same mistakes I did, L. I know proposing to Light scares you. I know the thought of marriage in general scares you. But I think you'll be ok. Not everyone is like me. If he has you…You, of all people…even giving it this much consideration to the point where you'd want to run it by me first before even asking him…Before even mentioning it to him…I think that's the sign, don't you?"

L snapped back into his head, his body shaking uncontrollably, his hands frozen to Naomi's headstone. He left a little kiss on top of it. And noticed a little splatter mark on it. His icy fingers went up to his cheek. Tears…I'm…Crying? L got up from the ground and went back into his car. He didn't even think about it. The privacy screen between L and the driver went up and didn't move. Tears flowed down his face without him even realizing it. And he felt such a heaviness in his chest. Maybe…Maybe you're right. If I've gone this far, why not go the rest of the way?

L wiped his tears from his cheeks…And a little smile stretched across his face. Thank you, Naomi. I needed that. You always knew how to put my thoughts into perspective, didn't you? And you didn't even have to be on the same ethereal plane. L put the privacy screen down, "Excuse me…"

"Yes, Mr. Ryuzaki?" the driver perked up, "Is there somewhere you'd like to go?"

"Can you take me back to the hotel please?" L asked, his voice strained.

"Yes, sir." L put the screen back up. What time is it in Tokyo right now…? L checked his watch. Eight o'clock in the morning…I'm sure he's up. L pulled his phone out of his pocket and picked the second option in his emergency contacts. At least I sure as hell hope he is.

"L?" Light's voice put L at complete ease. Although, it still sounded like he was half asleep, "Hi…I was starting to worry about you. I would've thought you'd call earlier."

"Yeah…" L felt a lump in his throat.

"Did you make it to Washington DC ok?" Light asked, not thinking too much about it.

"Yeah…" L's voice broke. I can't do that now. I can't even mention it now. Maybe when I get back to Tokyo, but not like this. Not now. But…What else can I do? Where L sought out Naomi for his spiritual guidance, he needed Light to be the super glue to put his heart back together, "Light…"

"Hmm?"

A few more tears managed to escape L's eyes, "I'm not ok."