Chapter Thirteen- Eren

Things didn't get better as time passed, but I supposed they got more manageable. Mikasa and Armin were constantly at my side, making sure I ate and took care of myself. I had transferred out of my English class when I finally stopped crying at the drop of a hat and went back to school. It was difficult and I had even tried not to go, but Mikasa and Armin were relentless. I didn't have the energy or the will to fight with them anyway. Everything just seemed to go . . . numb. I felt like a robot, doing the same thing day in and day out.

I did what I had to, to keep my friends happy, but there was only so much I could fake. I talked less and less and didn't leave my apartment unless I had to go to class. I couldn't sleep at night, my body had grown too used to having Levi there. The only time I ended up sleeping was when my body couldn't take it anymore and I crashed. I knew my friends were worried, but there was only so much they could do when I didn't really want help.

I couldn't find peace anywhere, something would always remind me of Levi and the only thing I wasn't numb to seemed to be heartache. I missed him. I missed him so damn much and a lot of times I caved, I tried to convince myself that as long as I was with him it didn't matter who else he slept with. Yet that would just be a lie. That wasn't the love I wanted, he wouldn't truly be mine and I couldn't live like that no matter how desperately I wished I could. I wanted to go back to the man I loved, but it was impossible. I would still end up being hurt, perhaps more so than I was now though I doubted it. This was hell.

I just wanted it all to stop, to wallow in my own self pity. This was torture and I honestly didn't know how I was going to get through this, if I could even get through this. Two months had passed and my thoughts and feelings only continued to darken. It got to the point where Mikasa and Armin couldn't help, it felt like they were suffocating me and I had to ask them to leave. I needed to be by myself despite knowing that was the worst thing I could do considering the state I was in.

I knew . . . but I didn't give a shit. I stayed in my room and stared out the window, my lease having long been renewed and my fate determined. Why was it so hard for him to love me? Of course I wasn't perfect, but I thought . . . I thought wrong. I simply wasn't worth all the baggage and commitment that came along with me. I wasn't sure how long I had sat there, but knocking pulled me out of my daze. I knew Mikasa and Armin couldn't stay away for long and I didn't expect them to. I knew they would always be there for me, but I wanted time to be alone. I got up before Mikasa picked the lock again, having every intention to turn them away when I opened the door. I was more than a little shocked to see Riku standing in the doorway, though I didn't have it in me to be angry.

"What else could you possibly have to say?" I asked quietly, wishing he would get whatever this was over quickly. I could have shut the door, but I knew he was a stubborn bastard.

Riku sighed but looked somewhat pleased that I was going to hear what he had to say. "I was surprised to learn that you left Levi after my visit… even if I truly had been hoping for it."

"So you got what you wanted. Why are you here?" I asked. It was strange to feel myself starting to get annoyed, but despite how lost I felt the man who was partially responsible for what happened was standing in front of me.

"We need to talk. It's really important." He said after clearing his throat. "About Levi. And you. And everything."

I scoffed, but it lacked my usual energy. "There is no more Levi and me. Look Riku, say what you want to say and leave before I change my mind. I'm not really sure why I'm still listening to you . . ."

"Okay… I'm here to apologize. I want you to know that Levi didn't cheat on you with me. Or anyone for that matter."

I never liked him, but even I didn't think he was this cruel. "Do you enjoy this? Messing with my feelings? How far do I have to fall before you're satisfied?" My voice got louder after each question, but I realized there was no point in doing this. "I'm done playing your games. Just leave me alone." I said and moved to close the door.

"Wait!" Riku yelled, managing to get his arm in the way before the door closed. He forced it open and caused me to take a few steps back as he fell into my apartment. "Please listen to me!" He begged on his knees before me, staring at the floor. "Levi did nothing wrong! I only had his phone that day because Hanji made me go with them to meet her agent and he left it when he was in such a rush to get back to you. I knew he was tired… because the meeting took a toll on him and he even mentioned he was ready to go to sleep. He didn't even say two words to me! And I- I was so jealous of you, Eren… I didn't understand why Levi would choose you over me but he did… and I can accept that because… because I love him. I want him to be happy!"

I looked down at him, eyes wide in confusion. It took me a moment to process his frantic rant and it left me even more confused. What was he trying to say? That it was all . . . a lie? That I had made a mistake? No . . . no, but he . . . I couldn't have . . .

"You're lying . . . you just . . . Levi probably sent you to persuade me." I reasoned, grasping at straws. "It's not going to work. I won't let either of you hurt me anymore."

"I thought that when you left him, Levi would be back to normal and I would see him more. I didn't know that you actually meant anything to him… but you do." He broke off and sucked in a shaky breath, finally looking up at me with tears in his eyes. "And I ruined it. I destroyed him. How can I say I love him if I could do something like that?"

I shook my head, taking a few steps back. "Stop. Just stop it. I don't want to hear anymore."

"Well you have to believe me! I'm sorry. I won't lie and say I cared about your feelings because I didn't… but I care about his. To be honest… I've known Levi since we were kids and he's never cared about anything. But then I saw him after you left him… and he was broken. Not because of you but because of me! He needs you… he even told me that. And he's never needed anyone before."

Riku wiped his eyes and then got to his feet, sighing. "I promised him I would fix it… after he tried to kill me… and so that's why I'm here. Hate me all you want, I don't expect you not to. But please don't hate Levi because of my lies. Please make sure he's okay… I don't think he will listen to anyone else."

When I didn't say anything he walked closer to me and pulled a book out of the inside pocket of his jacket. "Levi told me to give this to you if I was able to see you. So here. I've said everything I can say and I trust you will do the right thing. For Levi… and for you." He put the book in my hand and then left without another word.

I didn't know what to make of this . . . it was a lot to take in and I couldn't decide whether to believe him or not. I didn't want to accept that I was the one who threw everything away. I looked at the book I was left with, my heart dropping when I saw the author's name: Levi Ackerman. I opened the book in disbelief, he had really published it. The first page was a dedication and the familiar feeling of tears running down my cheeks solidified that this was all the proof I needed.

'For Eren, I love you.'

"What have I done?" I sobbed as guilt consumed me. I destroyed us . . .

If I had only stayed and talked to him then none of this would have happened, he would have told me the truth and I wouldn't have hurt us both. I put on my shoes and ran down all five flights of stairs, not stopping until I reached the bus stop. I didn't care how long I had to wait, but I had to go as soon as possible. I ignored all the concerned and confused stares I got once I boarded the bus and hoped Levi could forgive me. I didn't expect him to, but I still hoped. It seemed like it took forever to get to his house and I didn't waste any time running up to his door. All the running was taking its toll on my sleep deprived body, but I didn't care. I knocked on the front door and told myself to look him in the eye and face him, I had to take responsibility for what I had done.

"Go away!" A grumbled shout came from inside the house.

A choked laugh escaped me at the sound of his voice, the weight of how much I missed him almost crushing me. "Levi!" I called, hearing Luther meow from inside.

A loud thump followed by shattering glass was heard and then hurried footsteps before the door was swung open, revealing a wide eyed and underweight Levi. I had never seen him look so rugged and he reeked of liquor, but none of that stopped me. I threw my arms around him, his book still in my hand, and tried not to get too overwhelmed. I had things I needed to tell him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" I cried against his neck. "Levi. I'm sorry I did this to you—to us. I shouldn't have just left . . . I-I'm sorry I hurt you."

Slowly, his arms wound around me and he hugged me loosely. "Eren," He rasped and after a moment held me a little tighter. "I'm sorry…"

"No, no. You have nothing to be sorry for." I told him. He was actually trying to apologize, god I didn't deserve him. "This was me, it was all me. I should have trusted you or at least talked to you first. Please don't apologize to me."

"I don't blame you…" He whispered. "I don't want you to apologize either."

I held him closer to me and shook my head. "You should . . . you should blame me . . . all I needed was a good lie to up and leave you . . . who would want to be with someone like that?"

"Riku is the only one at fault here. I probably would have done the same thing… if it had been the other way around."

No, he wouldn't. He would have hauled my ass out of that bed and demanded answers, but I appreciated that he was trying to make me feel better. "I'll make it up to you, somehow. I promise I will." So please tell me I still have a place here with you.

"Does that mean… you'll stay?" He asked quietly, hesitantly.

I pulled back just enough to look into his blue-grey eyes. "If I can. I told you I loved you and I meant it . . . I'll do a better job of showing it."

"You don't need to… I know you love me." He said as he smiled almost sadly. "It's me that needs to do better. And I will… because I do love you."

"Levi . . ." I trailed, looking at him meaningfully. "Levi."

"Stop it." He huffed and looked away from me, ears turning red. "I can't take it when you get like this."

I smiled and buried my face back in his neck. "I can't help it. I'm . . . emotional."

"Yeah… so am I… but maybe you should come on in and let me close the door."

Oh. Right. "Okay. But I'm not letting go."

Levi sighed and pulled me inside before closing the door. "I'm sorry about the mess… including myself." He laughed almost nervously.

I peeked over his shoulder and was surprised to see that it was true aside from the corner where Luther was laying in his cat bed. I suspected he was waiting his turn.

"It's alright, I'm not exactly a breath of fresh air myself. Have you seen the bags under my eyes?" I asked lightly, not wanting him to feel bad.

"You look like a breath of fresh air to me." He hummed and pulled me to the couch, putting his book on the coffee table. He laid down, dragging me with him. "But maybe that's because I've been going so crazy without you."

I snuggled close. "I know what you mean . . . I've missed you so much . . . I couldn't sleep without you." I confessed.

"Neither could I… I couldn't do much honestly. Besides drink." He laughed at himself. "Even though I knew I was being ridiculous… I couldn't get it together."

"Tell me about it . . . I don't know what would have happened if Mikasa and Armin hadn't been on my case." I said, letting him know just how lost I was without him. "I didn't want to do anything, it all felt numb . . . I was useless and didn't have any motivation . . . . . . I guess we're both a train wreck without each other."

"Yeah." He agreed softly. "So let's stay together."

I held onto him tightly and nodded in agreement. "I won't leave again." I promised, body suddenly feeling heavy and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Levi's hand went to my hair and started playing with it. "I know… because I won't let you." He murmured. "Go to sleep now."

I couldn't stay awake even if I wanted to, my entire being finally able to fall asleep now that Levi was here. We had both desperately needed some rest and were out until the next afternoon. For a few horrible seconds I had thought it was all a dream when I woke up, but Levi was there and I clung to him tightly. I made up my mind to fully dedicate myself to him, no more back up plans and no more doubting. We took a shower together and then went to work on the house. Levi got a head start on the cleaning spree while I focused on the kitchen and scavenged around to make us something to eat.

Once everything was in order and we were fed, it was impossible to separate us for the next week. I refused to leave his side and he had no complaints over the fact. Luther was attached to my hip as well, glad that I was back. I had a long call with Mikasa and Armin, explaining what had happened and apologizing for putting them through all my shit. I was surprised when Levi had taken the phone from me, speaking with them himself. It was agreed that they would come over for dinner soon and I had never been more proud of everyone for doing this for me.

It came as a shock when Levi told me in more detail what had gone on in my absence, the one million dollar book deal taking the cake. However, I already knew the money didn't mean anything to him. His priorities consisted of things more important than that and I was honored to be one of them. The split up had reset our sex life and we were more interested in sweet kisses and gentle caresses rather than getting it on like rabbits. Our hearts were recovering, we needed time before we got that intimate again. Reassurance was our main focus.

School was at the bottom of our list, but not something we could ignore. It was another two weeks until we were where we needed to be, part of the struggle being that we preferred snuggling over make up work. The dinner with Armin and Mikasa went from tense to awkward, but there wasn't any hostility at least. I counted that as a win. There was just one more thing I needed to do in order to stay true to my word. That following weekend, Levi and I cleared out my apartment. We took everything I wanted to keep to his house and sold everything else.

It was more than worth all the hassle and I couldn't care less about my lease, all that mattered was me finally coming home. It was the day after we finished when it completely sunk in.

"It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" I asked Levi as he put up the last of the groceries.

"What does?" He asked, voice soft and curious as he glanced back at me.

"Our house." I grinned widely. "This is our house."

Levi smiled then and padded over to me, winding his arms around my waist. "It really does."

My hands settled on his shoulders and I gave him a chaste kiss. "I love you."

"I love you more." He grinned and kissed me again, lingering longer than I had but still keeping it short and simple. "When are you ever going to read my book?"

I blinked at him a few times, taken by surprise by the question. "Oh my god, it slipped my mind!" I exclaimed. "You finished it? The third book in the sequel?" I still wasn't over the fact that the lovers had died, but I was dying to know how it all ended.

"I sure did and I'm more than ready for you to read it." He told me cheekily.

He had been working in his study a lot this past week, but I had been more focused on snuggling in his lap rather than what he was working on. "I can't believe I didn't notice . . ." I trailed with a blush.

"You were a bit preoccupied." He mused. "But I can't wait any longer."

I smiled as I bit my lip, giving him one last excited look before I dashed to his computer. It was amazing that he had finished it so soon and I was practically jumping in his chair as the document loaded. It started off a little further back from where the last book ended, but it was recapped in a different perspective. A loud gasp escaped me as I continued to read and the fact that I was tricked both upset me and made me happy. The lovers hadn't died. The gun shot had been fired by someone else and no one was hurt, their story was far from over.

It was only the first couple chapters in the book and the danger was high. Everyone still needed to escape and I was anticipated some much deserved justice. The two of them had been through a lot, but they couldn't give up. It was everything that I had hoped for and I was able to see not only what became of them, but all the other characters I had grown fond of as well. I got to see how they rebuilt what they lost and what the future brought. Justice was indeed served and I could finally take a sigh in relief, it was looking good.

However knowing Levi, I couldn't be sure there weren't any more surprises left and I wasn't finished reading just yet. There were a few more adventures before they settled down and were blessed with a child. It really warmed my heart and when I saw that there wasn't an epilogue, I knew it was truly the end. It was bittersweet. The book itself was wonderful and a great addition to the series, but I was sad it was over. I had other stories of Levi's and there would be more in the future, but I knew that this would forever be my favorite series from him.

I left the study and found Levi smoking on the couch, patiently waiting for me to emerge. His eyes focused on me as I sat beside him and he outed his cigarette, giving me his full attention.

"First of all," I began and kept my face neutral, "you lied to me."

"What?" He frowned. "I did not."

"Yes you did!" I squealed, a grin breaking free despite my efforts. "I thought they died!"

"Just because I surprised you doesn't mean you can slander me. I didn't lie." He smiled back at me, amused.

Damn his way with words. "It was implied that they kicked the bucket and I fell for it! How dare you. I loved it."

"The point was you to believe they had died." He told me, reaching over to comb his fingers through my hair. "You finished it fast. Are you disappointed in the ending?"

"No . . ." I hummed, leaning into his touch. "It was satisfying and I enjoyed every second, but the fact that it's the end makes me feel a little down, you know?"

"I thought you might feel that way. Which is why I already have something planned to pep you up."

His work was going to become my entire library at this rate and I looked forward to it. "Really? What is it?" I asked, hoping to get something out of him.

"I can't go spoiling you . . . unless . . ." He trailed off teasingly, smirking as he played with my hair.

"Unless? Unless what?" I asked eagerly. There wasn't going to be an unless if I had a say on the matter.

"I might be willing to spare a few details if you kiss me."

I scooted closer and fisted the front of his shirt. "Done. Come here you."

"No holding back." He murmured, inching closer slowly.

I gigged before pressing our lips together, the gentle touch easily turning desperate when I opened my mouth and swept my tongue along his own. His hand in my hair took a firm grip as he eagerly moved his tongue against mine. It had been so long since we tasted each other like this, keeping things short and simple so as not to let ourselves get carried away.

But now . . . Levi told me not to hold back, and he wasn't either. After every swipe of our tongues, our lips locked on together and the deeper the kiss became, the more we lost ourselves to it. But I was okay, I was doing good until his teeth tugged on my bottom lip and he pushed me down onto my back, kissing me again, harder.

There was something about Levi's kisses that always got to me, but it was different now. Maybe it was because I knew we were finally going to have each other again and it had been so long. Too long. Maybe it was because I knew how he felt about me now without a doubt, I knew that I wasn't like everyone else he'd fucked. Levi actually loved me, I was special to him. I had a piece of him that nobody else had ever had, or ever would for that matter.

Knowing that left me exacerbated and feeling so loved and overwhelmed with happiness, that I could only hold onto his arms as I met each of his kisses hungrily. He tasted like coffee and cigarettes, a taste I had grown so fond of, one that was so arousing I didn't know what to do with myself. Levi wasn't taking it easy on me- meaning what he said about not holding back. That was the last thing I wanted anyway, so I was just as rough as him, biting down on his lips every chance I got and trying not to grin every time he grunted in response.

His legs moved between mine, pushing them apart and he settled himself on top of me, grinding down with a purpose that had me moaning into his mouth. He swallowed every sound I made, lips steadily caressing my own and tongue eagerly tasting mine again and again. It all built up too quickly and I was too hard and eager for him, hips moving right along with him. I couldn't wait anymore, I needed him too badly.

"Eren," Levi groaned when I started tugging his shirt up, but he said nothing more, helping me rid himself of the shirt. I tossed it on the floor and stared up into his eyes that were clouded with desire.

"No holding back." I reminded him when he hesitated, even though it was only for an instant.

"Don't worry." He smiled briefly at me, kissed my cheek softly and then proceeded to strip me.

He took his time taking my clothes off, and then the remainder of his. It would have amused me that we weren't making it off the couch to go to our room, but I didn't have time to feel anything other than a desperate need for him.

Levi was determined to make me feel as good as possible, which wasn't hard when he was the one working me up. He knew me so well, touching and kissing me all over in just the right ways. I was so hard and wanted him now, but he was in no rush. His tongue worked its way down my body, flicking across the tip of my member before gliding down my shaft, over my balls and further south.

I yelped in surprise when his tongue ran over my entrance, back arching. He held my legs still, keeping them spread for him as he lathered me with saliva, prodding me with his tongue and teasing me until I was wet enough for him. By the time he pulled away I was panting constant moans that only grew shorter and louder when his cock was pressed against me. I didn't have a chance to think about him not stretching me with his fingers first before he was pushing into me, so big and good it had my eyes rolling back and my fingertips digging into his back.

"Shit." He breathed, resting his forehead against mine, giving me one slow inch at a time. It wasn't painful, it never was, it was always just so good and I wanted more. I couldn't be satisfied until I had all of him.

It was more blissful than any time before now. It was slower, softer, more intimate than ever before, but also more intense. Once again, I was taken aback by my feelings for him, especially since I could see his own so easily as he stared down at me, kissing me passionately throughout his steady thrusts. No matter how slow he was taking it, I was rapidly approaching my climax and so was he.

"Fuck. You're killing me." He moaned, circling his hips while he was buried inside of me and I whimpered at the feel of him throbbing within me. "I'm gonna come."

"Levi." I called out desperately, hands running up and down his back. "Let go, give me everything."

He kissed me hard in response, pulling his hips back to thrust back into me harshly and repeating the process as he started to come. I lost it then, barely managing to kiss him back as I came, too busy crying out in pleasure. That didn't stop him from stealing my lips over and over and his hips didn't still until we were both trembling and unable to spare anything more. Levi's lips trailed over to my cheek, kissing me there, then on my temple and then my forehead before he smiled down at me.

"I really fucking love you."

I returned his smile and looked at him with as much love as I could muster, every bit that was in my heart. This man . . . he was my everything. "I love you more."

It seemed unrealistic, just how happy I was- how happy we both were and I loved the fact that Levi wasn't the lone writer anymore. Because he had me. He would always have me. The project I'd once started had turned into an unfathomable and unconditional love that would never die. We still had our whole lives ahead of us and I could see by the tender look of adoration in his eyes that he was just as excited as I was. We were writing our own story.