Peter's eyes flutter open with the bright light of the late morning coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows, TV no longer on. His eyes meet Shiloh's sleeping face, him having rolled onto his side in his sleep and facing her. Her arm is still wrapped around his torso, her fingers grasping the fabric of his shirt while he's got his other arm holding her to him. And, just the corners of his mouth pulls into the most tender smile as he watches her sleep and it's the most at peace he's felt in years.
He brings his hand up and brushes a strand of hair from her face before moving his fingers, delicate and holding a slight quiver, to her cheek, minding the scars. And his eyes are soft as he looks at her, thumb lightly tracing over her skin. The morning glow of the sun brightens the room and she's breathing against him, her heart beating at a slow but steady rate.
She looks absolutely and undeniably beautiful, finally, sleeping and just as at peace as Peter. His heart swells and he doesn't plan to ever move. He'll lay here, despite really needing to go to the bathroom, if it means she gets to sleep. The skeleton in his head is completely silent. It's silent, he can't even hear it screaming from the blinding light anymore because he is happy. Content and at peace and it's because of her.
How's she do that?
But, then the hairs on Peter's neck start to stand up and everything starts to slow down. Goosebumps form across his body, hairs on his arm stand on end and he's suddenly aware of every breath and footstep across the entire tower. And he doesn't have his webshooters because this is the safe place. He is supposed to be safe here and really, he is, but his spider-sense doesn't know that anymore. Last night was the first time in two years Peter's listened to it and he's listening now.
Peter moves himself quickly over Shiloh, ignoring the shooting pain through his right leg and right side, making sure she's the one protected. His right hand holds himself up and by the time he's sticking his left arm out, ready to clothesline whoever is coming near, his fist connects right to the shoulder of whoever was approaching, sending them to the side in shooting pain all while the sudden movement and yell wakes Shiloh up.
She squints her eyes up at Peter, seeing him on top of her. She looks to one side and she catches a glimpse of Harley, face red while he rubs his arm and for a second, she's almost certain she's definitely having some out of body dream. Peter, on top of her, protecting her from the danger of probably a Nerf gun from Harley.
Nope, that's definitely reality.
"Why'd you hit me?!" Harley yells at Peter, still rubbing his arm that's definitely going to bruise later.
Peter stares at him, jaw fumbling for words. "I-I thought...I thought...I dunno! You came out of nowhere!" Peter defends.
Shiloh watches the boys yell between each other, Harley screaming about how Peter could have broken his arm or his face and Peter defending himself by yelling that Harley knows not to sneak up on him. Truthfully, it would annoy the hell out of Shiloh if she weren't so interested in the fact Peter has made no effort to move off of her and it's giving her an interesting view of his messy bedhead and his adam's apple bobbing with every yell. His bicep is flexed beside her, another friendly reminder of his super strength and his chiseled jawline in perfect view with his head tilted towards Harley, faint freckles covering his nose that's been broken a few too many times. And maybe he's even prettier in the morning glow, even if he is yelling at Harley.
"What're you doin', Pete?" Shiloh asks, voice drenched in sleep, breaking up the yelling.
Peter looks down to her, eyes wide like a deer in headlights and he immediately moves off her, going to the other end of the couch. "S-sorry...um..." Reflex.
Shiloh can't help but feel cold and even a little disappointed when Peter moves but she brushes it off. "It's okay." Shiloh laughs softly before looking to Harley and changing her entire demeanor. "What the hell, man? You bitch and moan that I don't fucking sleep. I finally get some sleep and you come here, waking our asses up. What the fuck?" Shiloh uses her elbow to sit up, looking directly at Harley.
"You two were the ones asleep on the couch in the living room. Ya know, the room where people live." Harley mocks, gesturing out, showing the yellow and orange toy gun in hand.
In Harley's defense, he's also a little confused on the sight he's seeing, not that two people can't fall asleep on a couch together. That's totally fine but...he's looking at the two of them, Peter's immediate reflex not being to attack but to protect Shiloh and Shiloh's reflex not to push Peter off of her but to smile at him. First thing in the morning. She's not a morning person. Isn't she supposed to have a girlfriend?
Shiloh and Peter look to each other, Peter's cheeks hot red while Shiloh just shrugs her shoulders, feeling like her heart is about to run right out of her chest, thinking back on everything that was said the night before and how perfect it felt to be on Peter's chest with his arm around her. How safe and perfect it felt, how it just felt right for the first time in a long time.
"What of it?" Shiloh questions, bits of snark and sarcasm lace her words.
Harley's face scrunches as he laughs before pointing behind the couch and towards the kitchen. "I was told to wake you up."
Shiloh and Peter look to the kitchen and see Tony standing there, drinking some type of fruit shake, looking over something on a tablet and Peter's heart plummets. Oh no. Shiloh rolls her eyes, knowing Tony just didn't want to do it himself because he's trying not to be a hover-dad, especially now that Shiloh and Peter are older, living on their own. But, it's hard for him. It's hard with everything he's seen and gone through, watched the two of them go through but he tries.
But, Peter wants to run very far away from all of this. After Ben died, Peter didn't have another father figure and Ben was more of a father than Peter's dad was since his dad died when he was so young. Ben's the one that raised him so it was hard but he could do it. But, then Tony showed up and Peter was already friends with Shiloh and Tony fell into that father-figure role for Peter between his friendship with Shiloh and his mentorship with Tony recruiting Spider-Man. But now so much time has passed and Peter knows he's disappointed Tony.
Peter went from making him proud, doing his duty as Spider-Man to protect the little people, to protect Shiloh to completely disregarding all hero responsibilities and putting not only innocent people in danger with Tony's own technology but also endangering and hurting his own daughter. Seeing Tony might actually be harder in a way than trying to communicate with Shiloh. At least, Shiloh has taken out her frustrations on Peter before, at least Shiloh is the same age and she gets him, but Tony has only ever been like a parent to him. Trying his best. Peter let him down.
"Thank you, Harley." Tony says, voice unamused as he looks up to the living room, his eyes shifting between Shiloh and Peter. "Good morning to you both."
"Morning." Shiloh mutters, looking back to Peter with a soft and encouraging smile before she starts getting to her feet.
"G-good morning...Tony." Peter says, eyes diverting between Shiloh and Tony.
How did *I* wake up like that and get pushed into *this*?
"Good morning, Pete." Tony says, stoic smile being thrown in Peter's direction.
It's weird for Tony to see Peter, too because, at the end of the day, he knew Peter looked at him like a father-figure and he looked at Peter like a son, just as he does with Harley. It's like Tony's failed Peter, failed at trying to be a father-figure, failed at being a mentor, failed at just being an adult he can look up to. Maybe he should have been there more for Peter instead of trying to let Shiloh and May take care of it, keeping his distance because Peter needed to learn to handle things on his own and Shiloh needed to learn that lesson, too. Now, Peter's a wreck and maybe Tony should have stepped in. But maybe Peter would have still been an addict and still got himself in worlds of hurt. Maybe there was nothing anyone could do to prevent the pain Peter has been in. Maybe that's just how it is.
Shiloh looks down to Peter who is making no effort to move from his seat on the couch and extends a hand to him. "Get up." Shiloh says, opening and closing her hand.
"Um..." Peter looks at the small family staring back at him and what he would give to be able to crawl under a rock and just die right there. "M-my leg and-and side...hurt so I'm gonna-"
"Get up and get food." Shiloh cuts him off, raising one brow at him and not moving her hand.
Last night was one thing. It was hurting and just trying to get the bare minimum of emotions of out to try and sort this out. Try to take steps forward and to the both of them, they have. Peter blames himself for everything and Shiloh is right there proving and reminding him it's not all his fault. And Shiloh is expressing her never-ending worry for him as well as how deeply she cares for him. So, that's progress. The two of them cuddling on the couch and trusting each other, despite everything and despite what Shiloh said in the exam room, enough to sleep. And sleep well because neither of them have felt this refreshed in ages. But, that was last night and today is a new day.
Today is a day where Peter needs to move. He can't sit on the couch and just talk. If he wants to talk, that's great but he needs to move. Progress is moving and that's getting up and continuing to face the remnants of last night. That means getting up, going to the kitchen with Tony, having some breakfast, and then going to Bruce. It's him needing to face more fears and insecurities today, even if it stops after breakfast and he locks himself in the med wing with Bruce for the rest of the day. The smallest effort needs to be made today. That starts here. Breakfast.
Peter sighs but extends a shaky hand to hers and Shiloh pulls him up carefully, making sure he's steady on his feet, Harley watching with confusion and a scrunched face, wondering what the hell he missed in the hours he was asleep. But, he stays quiet and follows Peter and Shiloh to the kitchen where Peter takes a seat, the one he always took on Saturday mornings. Shiloh makes her way to a cabinet for a box of cereal, pulling out her favorite as well as shaking the half-empty box of Frosted Flakes at Peter. He gives her a sheepish smile but nods, confirming the cereal of choice. He's always had a thing for the cereal, so much so that it was always stocked in the tower for when he'd stay.
Shiloh follows it up with two bowls and spoons, Tony handing her the right milk before she makes her way to sit beside Peter. The kitchen remains in silence as Peter and Shiloh get their cereal and start eating, Shiloh glances to Tony and Harley while Peter keeps his eyes on his cereal as if not looking at anyone makes him completely invisible.
"Well..." Harley breaks the silence. "I gotta go meet Pepper." Harley wraps an arm around Shiloh, making her stop mid-chew and raise a brow at him.
"You're really doing it?" She asks after swallowing the food in her mouth.
"Yep." Harley beams. "I'm gonna be your boss."
"Aww, that's cute." Shiloh says, sarcasm dripping through her words as she goes back to eating her cereal.
"I'll fire you." Harley groans, moving between her and Peter.
"Bold of you to assume I'll let you fire me." Shiloh chortles, Tony grinning to himself, eyes still on the tablet.
"That's not how it works!" Harley fake-whines before looking to Peter. "You wanna back me up?"
Peter's eyes widen, looking at Harley and his heart is in his throat. He thought Harley wouldn't want anything to do with him. Did Shiloh not tell him everything from last night? She had to have. And yet, Harley is being...chipper and nice to him, right after the minor yelling match of them both being scared. Harley should be anything besides nice. He should be cold or overprotective or something. Peter fucked up and nearly got Shiloh and himself killed.
"Um..." Peter swallows thickly, glancing between them. "I, uh, I think you know you can't fire her if you tried. She'll keep showing up." The corner of Peter's mouth twitches into a smirk as Shiloh glares at him, making Peter only grin more to himself before going back to his food.
"Yeah..." Harley says with a sigh, looking at Tony before looking back to Shiloh and Peter, more or less standing in between them with the intention of separating them. "So, what're you guys doin' today?"
"Go to work." Tony shakes his head at Harley.
"I haven't seen Peter in forever, Tony." Harley lies through his teeth, shit-eating grin plastered across his lips. "I should catch up." Harley maintains the same grin he always gets when he's up to no good.
Sure, sleeping on the couch with someone can totally not be romantic. People fall asleep on strangers when in planes or trains or buses, it happens. And friends fall asleep on couches, Harley and Shiloh have done it plenty of times and Harley's even fallen asleep on Peter and vise versa but it's been one night. And that's not a night Harley is gonna forget and he knows Shiloh isn't so forgiving but she's desperate to get Peter back. He's afraid she'll let her want and need for Peter to be okay cause a lapse in judgment. Harley will end up being the one picking up Shiloh's pieces again. And he can't do that, especially since he still remembers what Peter told him when Peter and Shiloh got back from Europe. He likes Peter but Harley doesn't trust him with Shiloh's feelings even if he might be overreacting.
"Goodbye, Harley." Shiloh grins up at him, blinking at him with innocence.
"Alright, alright." Harley groans, hugging around Shiloh's shoulders before flashing Peter half-smile and leaving the kitchen.
It falls back into a soft silence aside from the muffled crunch of cereal and the taps of Tony's fingers against the tablet. For Shiloh, it kind of feels normal. Obviously, the situation itself is a little weird, especially with the memory of the night before lingering in her mind but it feels normal. Tony catching up on emails with a fruit shake and her and Peter eating cereal together.
Before everything, this was so normal and then afterwards, they'd go their separate ways to get ready for the day. They'd head off to a lab or to a job and Peter would end up patrolling, Shiloh bringing him food most of the time if she could manage. It feels like that's exactly what's going to happen here again. It'll be normal but that's all a lie because one night doesn't just fix everything. And Tony clearing his throat to break silence only solidifies that.
"So," Tony sucks in a breath and looks at Peter, Peter freezing immediately, mouth full of cereal. "How're you feeling? Heard you were shot last night."
Peter looks down to his lap and back to Tony, swallowing quickly. "Uh, yeah, yeah." Peter nods. "I'm...okay." Peter forces a soft smile to his face, ignoring the sheering pain in his side and burning ache of his leg.
He remembers when Tony would ask him all the time how he was after he'd gotten into a fight. Tony and Pepper were the two who taught Peter and Shiloh how to clean and stitch up his wounds properly. Tony was the one Peter kind of always went to, besides Shiloh, if he were hurt because who better to understand than the guy who had an arc reactor in his chest keeping him alive? But, now it just feels weird and awkward.
Tony's brows furrow and he also knows Peter can't heal so the kid has to be lying. "You're okay? You were shot and can't heal."
"Well..." Peter lets his voice fall soft. "I-I mean, yeah, i-it hurts." Peter says, not making eye contact with Tony.
Shiloh watches as Peter's left foot sits on the bar between the chair legs, moving his leg rapidly while he fiddles with his fingers. He's fidgeting more than ever and it's not because he's just needing to move but because he's nervous. Tony's just asking him how he is and it looks like Peter is about to jump right out of the nearest window in order to escape. She really didn't realize that even talking to Tony would be this hard. She knows he feels like he let Tony down but Shiloh really didn't think he'd be this bad around Tony and based on the sad look on Tony's face, he's thinking the same thing.
"You'll be alright, Peter." Tony reassures before nodding his head to Peter's bowl. "Done?" Peter nods and Tony takes the bowl from Peter. "Banner wants to see you." Tony says, looking over his shoulder as he rinses the remaining milk.
Shiloh's heart drops with Tony's words, waiting for him to finish. "O-oh...okay." Peter says, looking to Shiloh and it's his turn to give a reassuring smile.
"Is he okay?" Shiloh asks before Peter can even ask himself.
Tony turns around, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile as he leans against the sink, gesturing his hands out in a half-shrug. "I think that's a conversation for Peter and Banner."
"Actually," Peter says, looking between them and yeah, he doesn't want her seeing his leg yet but this, finding out if Bruce knows what wrong and if Peter is gonna be okay, he wants Shiloh to know. He needs her to know. He needs her. "It's okay...d-does he know what's wrong?"
Tony nods and he wants to smile because it's the most he's heard Peter say in years and he can see that glimpse of the kid he recruited nearly ten years prior. He sees what Shiloh sees, he's there. Somewhere. And Tony hopes he sees more of the old Peter come out because he does miss the kid he mentored. But, he still holds a little skepticism if this will be permanent or not. He just keeps it to himself for right now.
"He does." Tony confirms. "He was able to put it together a few hours ago." Tony explains, skipping the details, choosing to allow Bruce to explain them out of respect for Bruce and Peter in case Peter doesn't want Shiloh knowing every detail.
"Well, is he gonna be okay? Like, can Banner fix it?" Shiloh asks, her words rushing out, searching Tony's face for any signs of dismay or pain, already dreading a bad response. "Is he gonna be okay?"
Tony cocks his head at Shiloh, brows pulling together and it's then that he decides he's not going to tell her. "Why don't you go talk to Banner?" Tony says looking to Peter and both Peter and Shiloh's faces fall, hearts going to their stomachs.
That can't be good.
"Dad!" Shiloh yells, eyes widening and jaw locking. "Why won't you answer? What's wrong?" There's touches of panic mixed with annoyance in her voice and there has to be something wrong and she cannot lose Peter.
"It's not your business." Tony says, the simplicity in his voice immediately brings a redness to Shiloh's face, her fist clenching under the countertop.
"I want her to know." Peter says quietly.
"She can meet you in the med bay then. I need to talk with her first." Tony answers, cooly. "And I do want to talk to you, too, alone, later."
Both Peter and Shiloh pause but this time for different reasons. Shiloh now just assumes he's gonna pull some sort of "dad" talk on her, although why he's deciding now when Peter could potentially be dying is truly beyond her but she stopped trying to figure Tony out years ago. Peter, though, he's just afraid to talk to Tony but he's not gonna question it.
"Um...yeah, okay." Peter says, voice wavering with uncertainty. If Shiloh wants to argue with Tony, that's on her, Peter can't argue with him. "I-I'll...go." Peter says, glancing to Shiloh before getting down from the barstool, holding his side and wincing.
"Are you sure?" Shiloh asks, watching Peter start to limp towards the hallway.
Peter nods quickly. "Y-yeah." His brows furrow softly. "I'm gonna change and...see Banner." Peter's voice is quiet before he turns back around and starts for his old bedroom.
Shiloh watches him until he's completely out of sight and it's been a weird few hours. It's just after eleven and they slept for maybe about five or six hours. She woke up with Peter leaning over her, protecting her from Harley and it brought her back to the time of the war against Thanos when the two of them had thrown themselves over each other in order to protect the other. It was years ago but it's still a fresh memory and maybe it's naive to have so much hope already, but maybe he's making this commitment and he'll stick with it. Maybe he will and it will be okay. Maybe.
"So, daddio, what aren't you telling me?" Shiloh quips, pushing her bowl towards him, his eyes slitting but he takes the bowl anyway.
"What're you doing? Don't you have a girlfriend?" Tony asks, staring at her with harsh eyes.
Shiloh sits back in her seat, arms crossing over her chest. "Broke up last night. That's why Peter got shot actually." Shiloh shakes her head softly, heart aching with the thought of last night, a part of her still blaming herself for it all. "Went out for a drink, decided I could walk home. Did not end well as you can clearly see."
Tony turns around and rinses the bowl and Pepper definitely handles the heartbreak conversations. Tony has always been the one that comes in after and does something to cheer Shiloh up like taking her out for food or taking her into the lab to show her new tech, a new upgrade on her own suit. Something and maybe it involves Tony saying how Shiloh deserves better anyway and whoever broke her heart, even the one time it was Peter, were wrong and not worth her time. Of course, the time it was about Peter, she knew he was full of shit, but it did make her smile but those times are not this time because she's not a teenager anymore and this was a three-year-long relationship and Pepper isn't home and Peter got shot.
"I know, I deserve better and she isn't worth my time." Shiloh huffs with a smile, Tony matching the expression when he turns back around.
"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asks, leaning back against the sink, arms crossing, leaving the two of them in the same position, mirroring each other.
"God," Shiloh groans, throwing herself forward, hands on the granite countertop. "She would not fucking stop. It was always about my attention to Peter and she would always bring up his damn addiction and throw it in my face. She just...would not listen. Last night, she had the nerve to bring up that time I kissed him when were kids. As if that really matters. I just..." Shiloh trails off, feeling her blood boiling as she replays the argument in her head. "I know I've been shitty to her the past year because I wasn't fully invested. I'm dying and I...I just need to make sure Pete's okay so I know but she signed up for dealing with me bailing and ditching and everything else. She's the one that labels me a damn hero but then bitches about the hero territory. She deserves better but so do I. So, it's fine." Shiloh huffs, leaning back and crossing her arms once more.
Tony nods and he's proud that Shiloh recognizes she wasn't a good girlfriend in the end. Putting hero acts above a relationship puts strain on it even if the people involved love each other. It's put him and Pepper through a lot over the years and it isn't fair, even if people "sign up for it". Some people think they can handle it but once it's happening, once they get to see exactly what everything involves, they just can't do it. And that's okay and it makes Tony proud that she does realize that and it makes him proud that she also realizes she deserves more than someone who can't accept that part of her life.
"I'm proud of you." Tony says with a soft smile. "But," Tony says and suddenly he's gained the fatherly expression. "What do you plan to do now? You just broke up with your girlfriend. Peter is getting help here thanks to you. It seems he's opening up to you."
"What're you trying to ask?" Shiloh narrows her eyes, the suspicion written across her face.
Tony lets out a sigh, standing up straight and leaning against the counter in front of Shiloh. "I don't want to see my kid get in over her head for a boy who's lost right now."
"I'm just being his friend." Shiloh sends him a reassuring smile. "I know better than that." Shiloh sucks in a breath, palms against the edge of the granite as she pushes back to stretch her back. "I'm gonna try and work with extremis while I'm here."
Tony lets out a sigh and he remembers the day he realized he was in love with Pepper and he has to wonder if that's what he's witnessing, through the mess of everything, the same thing Happy and Rhodey witnessed, just on a slower and more dangerous slope. Tony has always liked Peter and he always kind of expected the two of them to be together, especially after Thanos and even after they decided not to have a relationship and Peter ended up with MJ. But, now, the thought of his daughter dating someone like Peter Parker worries him.
Tony moves his elbow on top of his arm, holding a finger to his lips before moving his hand back down to talk. "Just don't get your hopes up." Tony says.
"Gee, love the optimism." Shiloh remarks.
Tony moves forward, hands on the counter. "It's been one night, Shiloh. I'm your dad, I don't want to see this again. I like Peter but-"
"I know and I have a plan, I do." Shiloh diverts her eyes the counter before looking back to Tony with a soft shrug.
"Which is?"
"Wait." Shiloh says calmly. "I mean, I have a bigger plan. But, for right now, I'm just gonna be around for him and wait to see how he does. Maybe two weeks, a month. Then, I've got a plan to try and..." Shiloh sucks in a breath, trying to figure out how to phrase her words correctly. "Get him back, I guess. He doesn't have to be Spider-Man and I want him to know that but he has to be Peter Parker."
"What are you gonna do?" Tony pushes for more of an answer, happy to hear Shiloh isn't going to try and rush Peter. Tony knows better than anyone this can't be rushed and he's sure that's why Shiloh also knows she needs to help Peter but do it slowly and on Peter's time.
"He needs to know he's not letting people down anymore. So...I'm gonna take him somewhere. Ya know, in memory of May and MJ that's not a cemetery." Shilohs bites the inside of her cheek, knowing it's a risk.
"Ah," Tony nods, understanding what Shiloh's getting at. "Are you sure it's a good idea?"
"No," Shiloh shakes her head a smile coming to her face. "But, I think maybe if he can see he can help people, maybe it'll turn him around a little bit more. I know it'll push him forward or push him back but that's why I'll wait and see how he does and what Banner has to say since you won't tell me."
Tony chuckles softly. "You didn't tell him about the extremis, got an ear-full from Inspector Gadget this morning about him round-about telling the Spiderling."
Shiloh purses her lips, trying to contain a guilty smile. "Yeah...well, yeah."
Tony leans forward and ruffles her hair, gaining a glare from her before she pushes him away. "Go, find him, just be careful."
"Mhm," Shiloh hums, getting down from her seat. "Always am."
"Right," Tony says with sarcasm. "Get a treatment and if you aren't chasing him around, get a damn PICC line." Shiloh shrugs with a laugh as she starts walking away, turning to give Tony finger guns before continuing her walk towards the med bay.
Tony's been bothering her to get a PICC line ever since they figured out they won't be able to just stabilize the extremis like last time. It's a bigger issue, one that's going to take a lot of time to figure out which means a lot of treatments to try and keep it at bay, so it makes sense to have a line in that they can hook up to an IV instead of having to stick her with needles every time. But, Shiloh's turned it down repeatedly, consistently saying that it would just get in the way of her helping Peter.
It wouldn't thanks to armor but it was an excuse and one no one bothered to really argue with her. Shiloh knows it wouldn't get in the way but it's like if she sits down and actually allows for it, it's real. Saying she's dying isn't even real, it's like someone, anyone saying "hey I'm dying" and they just mean that every day they're closer to death. They just mean when they're probably ninety they'll die not twenty-three or twenty-four or twenty-five. The death is far off and that's still how Shiloh sees it when in reality, it could be right around the corner, watching her and creeping in slower but faster with every passing day. A PICC line solidifies that.
Shiloh's steps are easy and light as she makes her way to the hallway of the room Peter was in last night with Bruce but her steps soon start to slow and weigh. Peter's sat against a wall, his legs pulled up against his chest while his hands cover his face.
Oh, Peter.
"Pete?" Shiloh calls, keeping her voice calm as she walks up to him, careful not to startle him. "Peter?" She asks again, sinking down to him and she can hear him breathing, hyperventilating.
He can't bring himself to see Bruce, not alone without her. Everything has just been heavy and he tried, he really tried doing this because he was with Bruce most of the night alone. But Tony wants to talk to him later and maybe it's because there's nothing wrong at all or maybe it's because whatever is wrong Bruce can't fix and then Tony is gonna make him leave. Maybe he's just disappointed people too much. And his head is spinning and his hands and legs are shaking and he can't be alone. He's been alone for so long and he finally finds this warmth, this light of what could be happiness and he just can't lose it. Not now, not after everything.
"Pete, hey, look at me." Shiloh coos, her moving in front of him and placing her hands over his, tears stinging his eyes as they fall down his cheeks.
And what happens if there is something severely wrong. What if it's killing him? What happens if Bruce can't fix it? He's gonna die and he's gonna hurt more people. Shiloh, Ned, Betty. The last people who have been caring about him and he's going to hurt them if he dies. And what happens if this is his fault. Shooting up could have caused a shift in his healing factor so what if this is all his own doing?
When shooting up, he never intended to kill himself. He did it because he got to feel something that wasn't pain. He got to feel numb and fabricated happiness. He could sleep for a few hours with the haunting nightmares and the laughs of the skeleton and the memories of screaming from his friends and May. But if he dies and it's all his fault? That's just another disappointment for not only himself but for the people around him. And somehow, that very thought that maybe this could be his fault over his drug use, makes him want to use again.
It makes him want to relapse and it makes him want to feel the familiar rush and dizziness of his head, the lazy smile that covers his face, and the cool of it flowing through his veins, numbing everything around him. How is he so pissed at himself over this but still has an urge to use? After a year of being clean? That's not even fair.
"Pete," Shiloh pulls his hands away from his face, cupping his cheeks and making him look at her. "You gotta breathe."
Peter looks at her and she told him not to but he just can't help it. He can hear everything around him and he's having sensory overload, he just can't help it so he focuses on her heartbeat. He listens to it and he hears every breath that leaves her lips, trying to get his breathing to align with hers, eyes on hers the whole time and it works because it always works.
She can keep him calm even in times of utter panic and self-destruction. Even when he is scared out of his mind, she can just...make it stop for a few minutes. It never fully goes away because she's not some walking miracle cure but she can make it stop for a few minutes and the urge to use is still there because that never quite leaves but it fades off. It fades off until it's just a thought in the back of his head and not an itch he's trying to scratch with gloved hands.
"What happened?" Shiloh whispers, thumbs wiping stray tears from his cheeks once his breathing has started to become steady and even.
Peter puts his hands on hers and takes them away from his face, shaking his head rapidly. "I-I couldn't ...I can't-" Peter croaks, straightening his back. "I-I need you to come with."
"Okay," She whispers, hands on his knees, carefully not putting pressure on the metal leg. "But, are you okay?"
Peter swallows hard and he feels himself being dragged underwater, watching Shiloh extend a hand from the top of the water, trying to pull him up. And he is yelling for help, swallowing water as he's pulled down with every thought and every feeling that floods over his body.
"Hey, you gotta talk to me, Pete." Shiloh says. "Just us, alright?" Her eyes scan over his face and she's silently pleading for some answer, her never able to get used to seeing Peter in a state of panic. "You can trust me."
"I just..." Peter's head hits the wall behind him. "I-is Tony gonna kick me out?"
Shiloh's brows furrow as she starts shaking her head without even thinking. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
"I...I just..." Peter stumbles for words, pushing her hands off of him so he can stretch out his legs on either side of her. "I dunno." He hangs his head, not having a logical answer because he knows Tony would never turn him away. Ever. "I could have gotten you killed...I-I let him down."
"You literally almost got a ton of people killed on the Staten Island Ferry when we were fifteen, you almost got a bus full of people killed by accident, you snuck onto a spaceship and hitched a ride to space, you set my lab on fire that one time, you've completely destroyed what? 3 different suits?, disabled a tracker, hijacked a multi-million dollar suit...twice, and you have consistently done the exact opposite of what he has said pretty much every time he's told you to do anything for the past nine years." Shiloh rambles off the first things that come to her head and Peter just watches her with furrowed brows and a heavy heart, hoping there's a point to her pointing out his screw-ups. "And my dad still loves you as if you were his own son."
Shiloh smiles softly at Peter before she moves to sit on her bottom, putting either leg on the opposite sides of Peter's before scooting closer to him. He moves his arms to extend out, welcoming her to sit between his legs and he doesn't even really think about it this time, he wants her closer to him. And when he doesn't pull away or attempt to move, Shiloh puts her hands on Peter's sides, lighting holding onto the fabric of his shirt while his hands go to her back, holding her close to him.
"There's not a damn thing in this world you could do that would get him to kick you out or anything like that, alright? I have let my dad down more times than I can count and I'm still welcomed here and same with Harley. We've all let people down, but that doesn't mean we're not worth the time anymore. And my dad, while sometimes being a little too strict and maybe a little harsh with some things, he's never gonna give up on you, Pete."
Peter nods softly, his eyes scanning over her face, lingering on the scars and he does remember how Tony reacted. Doc Ock might have been Peter's problem, his villain, but all Tony did was thank him for saving her. Tony knew Doc Ock took Shiloh in order to use her against him but that didn't matter. It doesn't matter because Tony knew that, he'd experienced it and he gets it. So, all he could do was thank Peter for getting there and saving her. It just felt different with last night, the circumstances were different but Shiloh's right because Peter was still willing to take a bullet for her and he did knowing he can't heal and it could have killed him.
"Do you know why he, uh, why he wants to talk to me?" Peter asks, his fingers interlocking with his own behind her back.
"If I had to guess, he probably just wants to make sure you're alright." Shiloh says with ease. "He worries about you, too, ya know?"
"He does?"
"Yeah," Shiloh scoffs, lips still in a smile. "Do you think he wouldn't have me on some form of lockdown he wasn't worried about you? At least with me saving your ass, he knows you're alive."
Peter's lips pull into a soft smile with Shiloh's words as he nods. "Guess so."
"That all you're worried about? Talking to him? Cause you can tell him you're not ready. I can tell him if you want." Shiloh offers, knowing her dad well enough that if he knew Peter was having a panic attack in the middle of a hallway over just the thought of talking to him, Tony would let Peter come to him when he's ready.
"Um..." Peter sighs and his arms flex, pulling Shiloh impossibly closer to him. "C-can you tell him?" Peter asks quietly. "I'll talk to him, I will but not right now." Peter rambles out, words almost going into one sentence. "Um...and..." Peter pauses, his arms wrapping softly around Shiloh's torso. "What if he...what if I'm dying?"
Shiloh's hands move to Peter's neck, thumbs on his jawline. "Guess we'll have to cross that bridge if we get to it and I guess I'll have to sit with Bruce to try and figure something out because I won't let you die."
Her face is so soft as she says those words and there's not an ounce of Peter that doubts she's not serious. She'd go to the ends of the earth if that meant fixing him.
Peter's eyes flick between her lips and her eyes. "I won't let you die, either." His voice is just above a whisper and he means it with everything in him.
Shiloh gives Peter a sad smile before pressing her forehead against his, their eyes closing and letting the moment swallow them. It's too fast, too soon, but for this exact moment, it doesn't feel too fast or too soon or too heavy. It just feels good, like everything is gonna be okay even if the world starts being set on fire. For this moment, it feels like it's okay and they have each other again. It's that same rush they experienced when they saw each other for the first time after being dusted and thrown into battle again. They were surrounded by war and had to fight to help save the universe but they stopped, just a moment, and it was a rush. A rush of happiness and relief and despite the clanking of metal, explosion, and yelling around them, it felt like it was okay. Just as it does now. But, a moment is just that, a moment.
"Hey," Peter whispers, eyes opening with Shiloh's. "What, uh, what were you doing last night?"
"Broke up with Cindy." Shiloh whispers back. "Went out for a drink after."
Peter's brows furrow and he really didn't know Cindy all that well, partially because of his own problems but also because he just wasn't fond of Cindy. He never had a reason, really, just didn't care for her but he knows Shiloh did care for her even if it doesn't sound like it from the nonchalant tone of her voice.
"Are you okay?" Peter asks and he makes no attempt to move from her.
"Yeah," Shiloh says with a gentle smile. "I wasn't feeling any of it anymore, long time coming. I should have ended it sooner."
"'M sorry." Peter says, knowing that it's gotta still hurt Shiloh a little.
"It's okay." The smile doesn't fall from her lips, her eyes glued to Peter's and it kills her that somewhere in her, she doesn't trust him completely because he's Peter.
That's it. He's just Peter and she wants to trust him again. Already. But she can't and she knows that, no matter how good he feels. No matter how warm he makes her chest or how his fingers make her skin tingle with small and innocent shocks of electricity. He still has to earn that. So, she moves her forehead from his and rests her head against his shoulder.
"Thanks, Pete." Shiloh says, her breath fanning against him.
A genuine and soft smile pulls at Peter's lips, happy to have her close to him and somehow, not finding this nearly as terrifying anymore. "Of course." Peter looks down to her as she turns her head to look up to him, her laughing softly before picking her head up.
"Ready to go in?" She asks, eyes bright with a cornered smile.
Peter sucks in a breath, hands moving to her hips. "Yeah."