The warmth of Peter's chest against Shiloh's back keeps Shiloh under a peaceful sleep, his breathing consistent and steady with every inhale and exhale, subtle and occasional snores leaving his lips every so often. Peter's arm that's gently wrapped across Shiloh's torso starts to tighten. The gentle grip starts to become more aggressive as the seconds pass, his muscles twitch with every scrunch of his face.
Shiloh's eyes blink open as Peter's grasp tightens around her. Her tired state leaves her thinking, only for a second, that he's pulling her closer to him in his sleep and a smile tugs at her lips, her eyes slowly closing again before Peter's arms tighten around her, this time pushing the air from her chest. Shiloh's eyes shoot open and her mouth opens as she tries to get air into her lungs but Peter's grasp doesn't loosen. Her arms continue to flex and squeeze her against his chest as whimpers fall from his lips.
Shiloh tugs at his arms the best she can, knowing she won't be able to break the grasp but hoping that her struggling against him will wake him up. Her nails dig into his skin and for once, she wishes her nails weren't bitten and clipped down to her fingers.
Panic starts to set in as she realizes that if she can't wake him up, this could be it. Of course, it's not his fault, really. It's obviously a nightmare and in the time of being friends, they've both woken up with a black eye or two in sharing a couch. It happens sometimes. But, Peter's crushing her and this a little different. Crushing her isn't just a black eye. It's the play of life and death and in her struggle, Shiloh is reminded just how close she could be to dying at any point, especially around Peter.
Whether it be villains or the monsters inside his head, there's always some sort of lethal danger when being around Peter. It didn't use to be like this and if Shiloh could change it, make things better, when everything was just plane crashes on a beach and late nights in the lab when they definitely should have been asleep, she would because if there's one thing she hates most in the world, it's being afraid of Peter. Her fear fades in the brightness of his smile and laugh and the crinkle of his eyes and scrunch of his nose but that fear ignites like dead trees doused in gasoline when a single spark touches the wood. It's quick and hot and burning. It's suffocating.
"P-p-p-peter." Shilohs gasps, still clawing at his arms, tears stinging the back of her eyes as she feels the soreness and rawness of her throat becoming almost too much. "P-p-" Her breath fades, her cheeks aching and burning, a hot tear falling down the side of her face.
She won't be able to wake him up. Whatever is going on in his dream state has him so far lost that her gasping and choking isn't going to do anything. And it's like the day on the fire escape. Oxygen deprived and Marty in her ear telling her to shoot him. Peter showing up at her window, telling her to shoot him if it happens again. And that's what gets her adrenaline pumping just enough.
Shiloh moves her feet against her wall, maneuvering her hands under Peter's crushing arms as much as she can. She pushes against the wall and his arms as hard as she can, ignoring the burning of her eyes and her heart in her ears just long enough to get enough air in her lungs.
"Marty, sirens!" Shiloh yells and only a half a second passes before loud and booming sirens fill the room just as her hands slip and her legs give out. Peter's arm immediately push the air from her body once more, this time in a hard and fast squeeze.
The sirens reverberate across the room and Peter's eyes shoot open, his heart beating a thousand beats per second, arms aching with every passing second as his grip doesn't loosen. It takes him those few seconds to realize that he wasn't fighting off Mysterio again, no one was dying, none of it was real and when he realized it, a truck full of guilt hit him at what felt like a hundred miles per hour.
Shiloh's gasping in his arms, the sirens are blaring, his grip is tight and Peter's eyes are wide while he finally lets go, moving himself away from her so fast, he falls off the bed. Peter's back hits Shiloh's desk, his knees bent near his chest while his heart races and his eyes watch Shiloh.
It's one thing to intentionally hurt her or scare her but this, they were good. In a good place. They've been in a good place but then Peter has one of those damn dreams with the blood and villains and death and then this happens. It's like he's just taken a hundred steps back because he hurt her and he scared her while sleeping. Even in his sleep, he's not safe. She's not safe.
"I-I-I'm s-" Peter stutters, head shaking as his eyes glass over, staring at Shiloh in pure shock.
"Go away!" Shiloh yells, sirens still blaring over them.
Now isn't the time for apologies, he could have killed her. It's four in the damn morning and he could have killed her. Again. She doesn't want his apology right now. She's fucking scared of him right now and his spider senses should tell him that. He should just know that with how close they are, or are supposed to be that is.
"B-but I didn't...I'm sorry. I..."
The fear of it all happening right now and the very thought that this could be a regular occurrence if they were to pick up sleeping together on a regular or even semi-regular basis, even if it's just accidentally falling asleep on the couch together, starts to fade and be replaced with pure and unadulterated anger.
What part of go away doesn't he understand? Heart? Pounding. Can he suddenly not see when someone needs to be left alone?
"Peter, go!" She screams back at him, her blood boiling with every second.
She's fighting two sides of herself. One side knows it's a nightmare. It's not her, it's not even him, it's just a nightmare and it happens. Sometimes those things just happen and it's not the best situation but it's an accident. It happens and she understands so it should be okay but there is this other part that is hollering and turning a vibrant and furious shade of red because how many times does she have to get hurt when being around Peter?
Why's it always me?
And if it's not her getting physically injured, it's her friends or family. It's the people she cares the most about getting killed and hurt and it's because they're in relation to Peter and what kind of good is that? None. So, that side just screams and in the moment of four in the morning, the room's only light coming from the city lights, she lets that side win because sometimes it's easier to be mad rather than understanding.
Sometimes being understanding and caring and empathetic gets tiring. It is exhausting. All she ever does is try to be there for Peter and care for him, understand that none of this is his fault but fuck has it come at one hell of cost and she just needs to yell.
She needs to let her face turn red as she gets up from the bed and tosses her arm towards the door, finger pointing out as she screams for Peter to leave, looking down at him. Peter's bottom lip just quivers and he apologizes and tries to explain but Shiloh just keeps screaming over him and it's leaving him confused and broken and hurt. It leaves him feeling alone. Alone again, the same feeling he's felt for too long all coming back like a tidal wave pulling him under for the last time but he fights it this time. He keeps trying to explain, he doesn't want to leave.
Get up and fight back, damn it.
But, as Peter keeps trying to explain and ignore Shiloh's screaming, him trying to gain his voice and scream over her to get her to calm down and hear him out, the door slams open. Harley rushes in, hair sticking up in places it usually doesn't, a white t-shirt hanging from his torso while faded Budweiser pajama pants hang on his hips. His chest moves quickly with every breath, eyes quickly glancing between Shiloh and Peter, his head starting to throb from the sirens echoing from around and above him.
"What the fuck is going on?" He screams.
"He needs to fucking leaves!" Shiloh screams at Harley, hand pointing at Peter who's finally getting himself to his feet.
"I'm sorry!" Peter yells. "I didn't-"
"The fuck did you do?" Harley screams before he rolls his eyes. "Fuck's sake, kill the damn sirens!"
"Marty." Shiloh says and the room falls dead silent.
Tension rises as the three stand, Harley glancing between them waiting to hear what happened given they've been perfectly friendly lately. And Peter looks at Shiloh, eyes filled with both guilt and betrayal because yes he can't control what he does in his sleep but that's no excuse to choke someone so of course, he feels guilty for hurting you but the betrayal might be what hurts the most.
Of all people to understand, it should be Shiloh and she's just not. She won't even hear him out. And there's Shiloh who's not looking at Peter or Harley because she knows she has the right to be pissed and scared and upset and hurt and everything in between but, rationally, she knows she should be understanding and Harley will be giving her that speech which is definitely not something she really wants at four in the morning. But she also knows that means she'll have to face Peter but even the thought of that right now with her chest still hurting and aching with every breath all she can feel is fury.
"It-it was a-" Peter goes to explain, a tinge of annoyance starting to touch his voice. Sure, he feels guilty but does this really give Shiloh the right to treat him this way?
"Peter!" Shiloh snaps her attention to Peter, eyes showing all of her unapologetic rage. "Just leave, okay? Go!"
"I'm sorry!" Peter yells back, the sound of Shiloh's racing heart mixing with his own in his eyes sounds like someone attempting a drumroll against a bass drum. Loud, hard, and quick. Fucking annoying.
"What happened?" Harley glances between the two but even he can put the very few miscellaneous pieces together, he just wants the verbal confirmation it was a nightmare and Shiloh was hurt by accident.
"I-I had a nightmare." Peter's voice starts out strong and fades with the last word, head drooping.
Harley sends Shiloh a shallow glare, just for a split second before his eyes go to Peter. "Dude, it's okay. It happens-"
"Harley!" Shiloh snaps at him, fists balled at her sides. "You weren't even here! I had to have Marty trigger the fucking sirens because I couldn't get him to stop crushing me! I'm so fucking sick of being choked and I'm just tired! I need space!" Shiloh looks back to Peter who's eyes are glossed over and his entire body fills with a sense of numbness.
Shiloh is screaming at Harley and Peter and that voice is getting louder. This isn't fair. Of course, she has every right to be pissed and hurt and Peter can't always use nightmares as an excuse to hurt her. Or anyone for that matter but screaming at him at four in the morning when it was a genuine accident, when the whole night had gone so well and the past few months have been almost nothing but smooth sailing. It's unreasonable to be exploding and telling him to leave and claim that she needs space because maybe she doesn't really need space. She needs him but it's scary and the bottom line is that Peter is the most dangerous person she's ever come in contact with.
While the villains themselves have been somewhat scary in their own ways, that was kind of their point. They were meant to be scary and intimidating. That's why they're villains but Peter is supposed to be a hero and he is one even if he hasn't put on the suit for good in years. He's still a hero. But with being a hero comes more danger than a single villain could bring because heroes attract the villains.
They're the reason they show up and they don't care who they hurt in the crossfire of trying to take down that hero. In this case, it's Peter. No matter what, they'll do anything to kill Peter. They've all tried and none of them have succeeded. Instead, all they've done is kill the people he loves and hurt the ones he loves. And because Peter and Shiloh travel in the same circle, they've killed and hurt her family, the people she loves. And it's only a matter of time before a villain comes around that can and will kill Peter. So, he's dangerous.
He's dangerous because whether it's her, her friends, her family, or Peter, someone is always going to be hurt or killed.
But, deep down, Shiloh understands and she does accept it because they protect each other. Maybe there's always been this small part of them that knew there was something more than a single friendship there or maybe it was just a matter of time for the stars to align. He's dangerous but she knows he's worth it. It's just this moment of fatigue and fear for her and for Peter, that leads to her telling him to just leave.
"Sh-shiloh, I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Peter takes a step forward and Shiloh steps back, eyes locked on Peter's.
"Just leave. I don't want you here, okay? Go away." Shiloh lowers her voice.
Harley walks over to Shiloh, no longer feeling like she's going to take a swing at anyone that comes near her. "Maybe you should just give her some space, Parker." Harley looks to Peter, eyes said but voice unwavering.
He knows this is going to cause a set-back. He can see it in Peter's eyes. It's in the way he keeps looking over the room and back to Shiloh, it's in the way his hands shake and how he's constantly shifting feet, his leg shaking and the other still healing where the metal meets the flesh. His nose is a tinted red with his cheeks a shy pink. He looks fully defeated, like he's just pushed off the boat into open waters, left to tread water alone again. And Harley hates it. But, Shiloh needs him.
She needs him to comfort her and then she's going to need him to knock some actual sense into her once she's calmed down so he has to tell Peter to leave. Space.
"...O-okay." Peter mutters, tears brimming, just barely starting to slip as he walks towards the door.
As Peter heads for the door, he takes a glance back at Harley and Shiloh, Harley holding onto Shiloh's biceps, walking her backwards for her to sit back on her bed and Shiloh doesn't fight him. Peter can hear her heart starting to return to a normal heart rate, no longer fueled with the cocktail of fear and rage. And with every step back to his room, he can't help but think that the past few months are over.
She doesn't need him or want him. All he does is hurt her and it's everything he was afraid of. Everything he was set to protect her from. He told her. If he can't protect her from himself, how is he supposed to protect her from a villain? It's only a matter of time before another one comes for her. And there's a split second as he searches his room, grabbing a large backpack from the closet, where he thinks about going back to crime and being her villain because that worked. It worked well enough. Kind of.
Just kind of.
Because then it all hits him as he shoves clothing into the bag. It wasn't better with him being her villain because she ended up nearly killing herself over the extremis. She'll go back to being too focused on Peter and they'll be back to where they started. Miserable, inches away from death. Whether they're together or a part or enemies or friends or more, they'll always have that part that's inches away from a villain showing up and killing either of them. And Peter isn't gonna be that villain for her. But he can't stay here.
So, as he finishes packing taking longer than needed hoping Harley calmed Shiloh enough to get her back to sleep, he makes the promise to himself that he won't take too many steps backwards. He won't put her in more danger. He's not going to put himself in more danger. No more crime. He's not a villain. He's Peter Parker. With great power, comes great responsibility. If he can do good things for other people, he has a moral obligation to do those things and sometimes, those good things are to just be. Leave someone and give them their space.
"Going somewhere?" A voice calls scaring Peter as he creeps through the kitchen, towards the exit of the floor to leave the building, not really wanting to toss on a suit in order to swing from the tower. He chuckles, taking a sip from the purple mug. "Thought you had heightened senses?" Clint questions, raising his brows as Peter's heart races against his ribcage, eyes-rolling.
Of course, it's Clint. It's always Clint. Why would Clint be asleep after five in the morning like normal people?
A few seconds of silence passes and then another voice comes from the other side of Clint, a pillar blocking Peter's view.
"Probably a bad idea if you are."
Rhodey.
"Uh..." Peter tugs at the strap of the backpack. "Y-yeah..."
Clint nods. "Why? Thought you were like," He gestures the mug towards Peter and Peter takes a few steps forward. "Staying for awhile."
Peter shrugs, looking to his feet and a chill creeps up his spine with the thought of Shiloh fixing his leg and how his nightmare just had to ruin all of that in one single night.
"Um..." Peter swallows. "I-I...it's just not...working."
Rhodey rolls his eyes while Clint quickly raises his brows and shrugs. "Stark and Pepper are in there with her."
Awesome, now Harley had to call in Tony and Pepper. Perfect. Fucking perfect.
Peter shoots his head up to look at Clint, brows pulled together. "What?"
"The sirens woke up everyone. Keener called Tones and Pepper in there. What happened?" Rhodey crosses his arms calmly, waiting to hear it from Peter.
Peter sighs, taking a few more steps closer to the counter. "Had a nightmare, guess...I guess I hurt her."
"Nat and I fought." Clint says, taking a sip from his mug as if Peter hadn't even spoken while Rhodey turns to look at him, brows furrowed together wondering where he's gonna go with that one. And the room just falls silent, leaving Peter wondering what the hell that has to do with anything and Clint clearly isn't going to elaborate unless he asks.
"Um...-"
"You were there, Cap and Stark had a fight."
Peter nods. "Right, yeah." Peter remembers that vividly considering it was the first time Tony had called him.
The first time he met the Avengers. The first time of Stark tech in his possession. Oh and he remembers the way that suit felt the first time he put it on and the first time he got to really fight with and against everyone. Of course, it was kind of a big deal since the team was split up but it was awesome. Peter got to fight alongside some of the Avengers. It was a thrill and he felt like a real hero for the first time. He felt alive.
"Nat was with Stark, I was with Cap. It happens, ya know?" Clint says simply, resting the now empty mug on the counter.
"Think this is a little different." Peter suggests with a subtle scoff.
Clint shrugs once more. "Of course it is." Clint scoffs right back. "My point is that this shit happens. Nat and I could have hurt each other, sure we did, it's not right but it happens. Sometimes, you can't be on the same sides all the time and someone gets hurt." Peter just stares at Clint thinking he just doesn't get it.
"Okay, I'll get to the point." Clint rolls his eyes. "Nat and I decided after that we would settle things down with each other. We didn't want to be on different sides even when we disagreed. We don't like to fight with each other. She tells me to leave so I give her space, but I never leave. Nat's punched me and kicked me, swear she even pinched me in her sleep once." Clint winces, rubbing his upper arm, remembering the sting waking him up. "It happens, Peter."
It's after five in the morning and Peter still feels like shit and he just wants to get out of there and Clint definitely isn't cutting to the chase.
"So, I should stay?" Peter asks.
"I'm not gonna tell you what to do, kid." Clint says.
Rhodey maintains a straight face, not having Clint's run around way of trying to help. Key word: trying. He closes his eyes momentarily before squeezing the bridge of his nose and looks to Peter, extending his right hand out.
"What kind of stupid ass question is that?" Rhodey asks.
Peter's eyes widen in shock and his mouth falls open. "I...uh..."
"Yeah, you should stay. Don't you know her well enough to know she's going to be pissed if you leave? You leave and you're done. One night and you're calling it quits? So what, you had a damn nightmare. She got hurt. That sucks. Go to bed, get up, and make her talk to you."
"She told me to leave, Rhodey." Peter's voice grows stern and he really doesn't want to do this right now.
Maybe he does want to leave because he isn't stupid, he knows Rhodey's right. Rhodey is literally always right. Maybe Peter is just as scared of this happening again as Shiloh is and so the easy thing to do is take her telling him to leave literally. He doesn't want to leave but maybe there is that part, the part that's holding onto the strap of the backpack with everything he has that does want to because wouldn't that just be easier for everyone?
"So?" Rhodey says. "Tony has told me to leave, get out his face, said fuck you, everything you wouldn't even believe, including that I wouldn't be getting a suit. People say things they don't mean. Aren't you guilty of that, too, Parker?"
Rhodey, always fucking right.
"It's different." Peter argues, not ready to cave.
"How?" Clint chimes in. "We've heard plenty of things you told her and she let them go. She tells you to leave because you scared her and that's it?"
Peter looks away from them, jaw clenching and he listens to the both of their hearts. Rhodey, he can tell is purely annoyed while Clint is a bit more calm. Everything is just hard and the lack of sleep just isn't helping and maybe it's not helping Rhodey either so if anything, maybe Peter should be listening to Clint but he can't. Because what if Rhodey and Clint are wrong? What if Shiloh really wants him to leave? Shouldn't he respect her and leave?
"Tell her I'm sorry." Peter finally says, turning around to go towards the elevators.
Rhodey scoffs while Clint just shakes his head. "Tell her yourself." Rhodey says, no mutter or stutter, perfectly clear and coherent.
Responsibility sometimes means knowing when to leave and let go, not for his own good, but for everyone else's. And leaving, that's the responsible thing to do right now and as the elevator doors close, Peter knows that leaving doesn't have to mean forever. He'll be back when the time's right. That's what it means to be accountable and hold responsibility. That's what a real hero does.