Shiloh's fists are balled, her nails digging into her palms as her body stays flexed, refusing to relax even for a single second despite the three people she trusts the most and feels the safest around being the only people surrounding her. Pepper is sat on her right side, a hand tenderly rubbing up Shiloh's back to try and calm her down. Tony sits kneeled in front of her, just off to the side and Harley is sat at her desk chair facing them.
"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Pepper asks, her voice gentle and soothing.
Shiloh digs her nails further into her palms, eyes set on her hands as if staring at them will suddenly make everyone understand and leave her alone.
"He was crushing me, like squeezing me while he was sleeping." Shiloh mutters, just barely glancing up at Harley before looking back to her hands.
Tony looks to Pepper and they hold the same, familiar drop in their stomach but both fill with understanding of their daughter's fear and silence. Pepper, having had a similar experience before, understands the screaming for her wanting Peter to leave and her being silent and just being with Harley. But Tony is the one who feels all of the same bone-crushing guilt as Peter because he knows what it's like to be a hero.
He knows the consequences and one of them is PTSD which sometimes means nightmares so real things go wrong in a sleep-state. He should have known. Peter might be getting better but the nightmares will always be with him. He'll always have them and that's a very unfortunate reality Peter would need to come to but also, one Shiloh would need to come to if she'd decide to continue to mend and pursue things with Peter.
Tony feels guilty for what happened to his own daughter but he feels guilty because maybe he should have warned her and Peter. Be careful. Nightmares aren't always just in their heads. Something. But, then again, would either of them have listened? Or would they be right where they are right now anyway?
"Are you okay?" Tony asks, keeping his voice at the same tone as Pepper's.
Am I okay?
There are times where the question "are you okay" can strike a nerve because after hearing it so many times it doesn't even sound like an actual question. It just sounds like a monotoned babble. Is she okay with extremis flowing through her veins? As okay as she can be while she knows her clock is gonna stop ticking and she's literally going to explode. Is she okay with Flash dying? Of course, as okay as she can be after everything she did for him and everything he did for her, and just being friends. It's always okay losing a friend. Is she okay with looking at herself in the mirror? Of course because what are just some scars that decorate her face like a painful painting? She was just crushed in the grasp by her best friend, again, so how the hell is she even supposed to be okay? Because she's always okay.
"Am I okay?" Shiloh looks at Tony, voice flabbergasted as she stands up, taking a step forward so she's halfway between her parents and Harley. "Always, right? Because that's how Starks are. We're okay. We watch people we love and care about die, hell, we are the reason sometimes." Tony opens his mouth to cut her off but Shiloh just keeps going. "No, it's true. Are you going to tell me that The Avengers didn't kill a ton of people overseas? Yeah, it was for the 'greater good' but that's what the Accords were for, because a lot of innocent people died. We kill people. And sometimes, it's because of us that our people die."
"Shi." Harley says, leaning his forearms on his knees.
"What? Why is everyone so concerned on if I'm okay but the second I even seem like I'm not, I'm the bad guy or you look at me like you are now. Disappointed and like I'm gonna walk out my window and off myself. Peter just nearly squeezed me to death in my sleep and I have to just be okay with it because it's not his fault." Shiloh's voice goes almost mocking. "Well, I'm tired of it not being his fault and I have the right to be upset right now. I get to not be okay for five fucking minutes, Harley."
"No one is saying you don't, honey." Pepper says.
"Why are you all looking at me like that then?" Shiloh's voice raises.
All three of them are just giving her the look of disappointment. She gets it, she's not stupid and she has empathy and sympathy and feelings for Peter. If it were her, she knows she'd be beating herself up for years over it. But why is it so bad that this has pushed her to finally say she's not okay? How many times is someone supposed to choke her before she's allowed to be upset? Why can't she be upset over this? What's so wrong with being upset over any of this? The unfairness to not only her but to Peter. To everyone. Maybe it's everything that has her exploding but somehow, that's still disappointing to those around her. And it's so damn tiring.
"You're too hard on him." Harley says before Tony or Pepper could say anything.
"Excuse me?" Shiloh asks, nearly about to jump out of her skin and strangle Harley herself.
"You know he probably actually left the tower, right? I know that you're scared and shit but Shi, it was an accident. Don't fucking sleep with him. Be pissed off tonight, but you can't hold it over his head and kick him out."
"Don't tell me what I can-"
"Shut up!" Harley stands up, allowing his blood to start boiling.
He's been watching Shiloh and Peter grow together, not just over the past few months but ever since they were in high school. He's watched them go through hell and always pull each other back. Even through everything, they come back together. It'd be a devastating shame if this were to set them back again, especially if it were permanently and based on how Peter looked leaving her room, Harley knows it just might because Peter is gonna feel too guilty to try and mend things. Hell, Harley's afraid Peter is gonna relapse over it and Shiloh shouldn't be responsible for his recovery and/or relapse and she's not but there is that reality that it could push him there and Harley would like to prevent that. Peter is his friend, too.
"Did you not know this could happen?" Harley scoffs as Shiloh turns to fully face him. "You're not stupid. You know you or him could hurt each other while you're asleep. It's not a fucking secret and it's sure as shit not the first time. I'm sorry it happened but you don't just give up on people you fucking care about, Shiloh. Especially you."
"Especially me?" Shiloh scoffs, looking Harley up and down. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?" She disregards everything else Harley just said, knowing full and well he has a valid point but she's not ready to cave. She's fired up and ready to take out every bit of frustration and anger on Harley.
Harley rolls his eyes before dropping his head, shuffling a hand through his bedhead. "It's not easy with you, either. You got hurt, you locked yourself in your room for how long? You quit everything you cared about because you got hurt-" Shiloh opens her mouth to counter his argument but Harley just talks louder. "You're literally going to die, Shiloh." Harley puts more emphasis on his words, his eyes widening and just starting to water. "Because you were too busy chasing after Peter. You put yourself and everyone else at risk because you missed treatments and you were out all the time when you could have been trying to figure out a way to fix yourself. You found out the extremis was active again and as soon as you were told it could kill you, you gave up. You just-"
"Stop." Shiloh yells, not wanting to hear the ugly truth.
"No! You just gave the fuck up. Threw in the damn towel and for what? Please, tell us why the fuck you just decided to give up? And guess what, that fucking sucked for every single one of us. Watching you not give a single fuck about your life when you had a chance. You had a good chance but you fucked it up and now you have what? Months? None of us gave up on you. None of us. And maybe we should have because everyone's efforts are gonna be wasted if a miracle doesn't fucking happen. And you know damn well if Peter knew, he would have been here. Somehow, he would have been here. So, you, especially you, can't just give the fuck up on people you care about. We don't give up on you even when you give up on yourself."
Harley takes a deep breath and he realizes that it's been so long since he's held this in and while it might hurt Shiloh, he just can't stop. It feels amazing to finally get this off of his chest because he's been trying to bottle it all up for so long in order to spare her any guilt. But, at this point in time, he doesn't feel she deserves that.
"And you know what? You act like it's all Peter's fault you got attacked by Doc Ock as if you weren't the one out there doing it to your damn self. And still, he didn't give up on you! It was your fault and he stood by! So, for fucks' sake, you ought to stick by him! This isn't his fault. It's not your fault but when it is your fault, he sticks by you anyway."
"Harley." Tony warns, giving Harley a stern look.
"It's true, Tony!" Harley looks back at Tony before looking back at Shiloh. "Are you trying to tell me that the fucking Doc Ock just captured you? As if that's fucking easy. You were out looking for him, to help Peter. Doc Ock was just one step ahead of you and you got fucking caught and got to be used as a pawn and that still sucks. But maybe if you listened when someone tells you it's dangerous, this wouldn't have happened. Or maybe it would have and it still wouldn't be Peter's fault but you blamed him anyway. And you know what? May did die because you were not quick enough because you're too busy chasing him. He didn't wanna be a hero anymore and you couldn't accept that for what it was. You wanted him because he's your friend, whatever, but fucking Harry was running around the damn city and you were too busy chasing Peter to see he was out for revenge."
"That's fucking bullshit!" Shiloh closes the gap between her and Harley, her blood boiling so much she swears she's going to erupt like a volcano. "I didn't get her killed! That's not my fucking fault! Harry killed her-"
"Okay! Then why the fuck do you blame Peter for everything that's happened to you when first of all, he didn't even know you when the extremis happened, and second, he didn't take those claws to your face or your side. Doc Ock did. Not Peter."
Shiloh clenches her jaw because he's right. Harley is always right and Shiloh hates admitting it. Every time she claims she doesn't blame Peter for anything that's happened to her, the second something goes south, she finds herself taking it out on Peter because it's so much easier to push blame on someone else and that's when it just hits her. Because now, thanks to Harley's persistent and annoying screaming lecture, she understands why Peter took everything out on her.
It is so much easier to blame the person you care about most and push them away than it is to admit your own fault and see yourself and them get hurt again because of your own arrogance.
But, that isn't going to stop Shiloh from the one last thing that's been bothering her.
"Because he's the reason I'm gonna die! It's his blood getting mixed with mine in one of our fights for the 'greater good' that caused the extremis to become active!"
Harley's face drops with her words and suddenly, he feels a little bit like an ass. So, maybe that's something she could put blame on Peter but even that isn't really his fault. When they're fighting together, they get bruised and cut and beaten and thrown together. No one can control blood-to-blood contact. It happens. But, there's a part of Harley that kind of understands why she blames him for everything. It's her arrogance, yes, but it's also her fear and reluctance to admit the death sentence that lays ahead of her.
And Shiloh sees the look on his face, the realization he's come to and the realization she, too, has come to. It's like everything just slowed down. No more yelling. The reality of everything hits them both, knocking thoughts and anger from their bones because why are they fighting? What's the point in all of this?
"Chasing him did help." Shiloh mutters stubbornly, making Harley shake his head. "Just for the record."
"Do explain." Harley gives out an exasperated sigh, fooled into thinking that would be the end of the argument.
"It got him here, didn't it?"
"Yeah," Harley mutters, the corner of his mouth pulled into a small smirk that's only there to show his disbelief in Shiloh's audacity. "And now he's gone. He got clean for you. He needs more reason to remain clean and I hope we've all given him a bigger reason to stay clean or he's somehow found it while being here but if he didn't..." Harley trails off, shaking his head before shoving that thought aside. "Getting him to the tower was good, but he's gotta do this on his own and we don't know if he can. So, yeah, Shi, you helped but how much? Because you just kicked him out."
"If he left," Shiloh keeps her voice almost matter-of-fact, trying to hide her growing guilt. "That's on him. He should know that I didn't mean the tower."
"How the fuck would he know that?" Harley scoffs, tossing his hands out, frustrated that Shiloh won't just stop. "He's got spidey senses, he's not a damn mind reader!" Harley takes a step forward, Tony getting to his feet to keep the distance between Harley and Shiloh. "You know what?" Harley puts his hands up, taking a step back. "I'm going back to bed. I'm gonna calm down and not say anything I don't mean." Harley snarks, turning away from the small family and exiting the room.
Shiloh watches him leave, not having anything else to add for once. It's not worth it. He's right. It's not fair to blame Peter for everything. But, Shiloh isn't wrong either. It's okay to be upset after all of this. It's a scary situation to be in. While sleeping, people are at their most vulnerable and yet, Shiloh still chose to sleep with Peter. And then it led to her getting crushed and fearing for her own life again. It's fair for her to be upset and to completely lose her mind over it. But, she needed Harley to yell some type of sense into her for her to think over for the night.
The room falls silent after that. Pepper feeling the need to tell Shiloh what happened with Tony and Tony unsure of what to say. Pepper understands Shiloh's point of view fully because without even a second thought, she was sleeping on the couch because it's terrifying when the person you love almost kills you in your sleep but she does agree with Harley because Shiloh explodes after she's held too much in and she says too many things she doesn't mean.
And Tony agrees with both of them as well, a lot with Harley because where would Tony be had Pepper not forgiven him? Where would he be if Pepper had left that night or kicked him out? Tony is so in love with Pepper that he swears he wouldn't be anything without her. Se keeps him sane and he just looks at her, knowing that he is always and forever grateful that she didn't hold that against him.
Pepper never held any of it against him. Their own child was tortured and Pepper didn't hold it against him. And Tony sees the way Peter looks at Shiloh, it's the same way he looks at Pepper and he sees the way she looks at Peter, the same way Pepper looks at him. Sure, that puts Shiloh at risk, her with Peter but they're good together. They're better together even if not romantically but Tony isn't stupid and now is not the time for that talk. So, he opts to leave it to Pepper.
"You guys agree don't you?" Shiloh asks her parents.
Tony shakes his head, walking up to his daughter, resting his hands on her shoulders. "No, sweetheart, we don't agree but we don't agree with you either. It's complicated."
Shiloh brushes his hands off her shoulders. "So, I shouldn't be pissed?"
"That's not what he means." Pepper says, walking up to Tony. "I'll take this one."
Tony nods to Pepper. "We'll talk in the morning, I love you. Just, listen to your mother. She's right, sometimes." Tony gives Pepper a side-grin.
"Only twelve percent of the time, right?" Pepper snarks, making Tony laugh while Shiloh just looks at her parents as if they've lost their minds. "I'll explain later. Goodnight, Tony."
"Goodnight, honey, goodnight, kid." Tony says, a half-smile, gentle and sincere with the softest touch of worry.
Once Tony is out of the room, Pepper and Shiloh take a seat on her bed and Pepper allows Shiloh to breathe for a few minutes, gather her thoughts and calm down just enough for Pepper to be able to get in a word.
The thing about Shiloh is that yes, she's Pepper's daughter, but she's Tony's daughter, too which means she is sure she is always right and she's hard-headed and self-confident, fully independent to the point where it's almost deadly.
"Are you ready to listen?" Pepper asks.
"Do I have a choice?" Shiloh asks, letting out, for the first time, a calm breath.
"No," Pepper chuckles, softly. "Do you remember when your dad was having those bad nightmares before he got lost out in Tennessee and..." Pepper trails off, dodging her daughter's eyes.
"And we were kidnapped and tortured with the thing that's killing me now." Shiloh finished with a half-cocked, snarky grin. "Yeah, I remember."
"Yeah," Pepper states, unamused. "He was having nightmares about the wormhole."
"Oh, that's lovely." Shiloh remarks, almost knowing exactly where Pepper is going.
"Well, it caused a lot of nightmares and he was still suffering from PTSD from the wormhole. He was worried about everything and it caused him to have nightmares and panic attacks. The nightmares had gotten so bad one night, he called for the suit in his sleep and it attacked me. Tony woke up in time to disable it but it didn't stop me from moving to the couch that night and I didn't sleep well with him for a few months. It was hard to move on from something like that."
"How did you just get used to it then? How am I supposed to just be used to this shit? I shouldn't fear for my life while in bed with the person I care about."
There's the smallest hint of a smile that crosses Pepper's lips but it only lasts half a second. Raising a child with someone like Tony, a hero who just can't seem to put the suit away even when he says he's done, is not easy. It's something no one can just get used to because Pepper still remembers vividly telling Tony to get back home when he hitched a ride to space. This was after telling her he was done for what had to have been the tenth time. And she pleaded for him to come home and the connection got lost and the next thing Pepper knows, her daughter is missing and then gone completely and her husband, for all she knew, was dusted, too. This leads to more to be added to PTSD, long nights, and nightmares because while Pepper did get them both back, it was Tony's fault, according to him. He lost his kid, his mentee, and the other kid he looked at as his own. He had Pepper but he lost so much. And Pepper is only one person. She can only do so much. So, it's more counseling and more patients and trying to understand.
Pepper doesn't fully understand, she understands more now that she has seen battle and she has been in the middle of a hero and a villain. She understands because her own child was at risk and she stepped in to help because that's not only what heroes do but that's what parents do. But, she doesn't fully understand everything Tony has been through and that's okay. So, it's not that she's used to it because she can't just be used to it, but she accepts it.
She accepts Tony. She accepts Tony through the good, the bad, and the ugly. She loves him and he loves her and she loves their daughter. She's not used to it, but she accepts it and she deals with it because that's what love is.
"I'm not used to it." Pepper lets out a breath, her brows gently furrowed. "I understand this is how your father is, sometimes it happens. But I love him anyway. So, we talk. You don't have to get used to it and even if you were to love Peter, you don't have to stay. This isn't fair to you and it's not fair to him. But, it is up to you if you want to accept this and learn to maneuver around it. Maybe that just means you have to sleep in separate rooms. Maybe you both need therapy together. Maybe he just needs more time. You have the right to be upset and scared. You have the right to walk away. No one should be forced to try to get used to this life or even accept it if they don't want to and that means you, too. This isn't easy. But, if you care about him, the least you could do is tell him if you can or can't do this. If you're willing to do this and if you're not. Then tell him why. Peter deserves that and you deserve to get how you feel off your chest."
"I think I just did that." Shiloh gives a half-chuckle.
"I mean with Peter. Have you been honest with him about the way you feel about anything?" The dreading look of loss etches across Pepper's face and Shiloh gets the hint.
"Like how I'm gonna die?" Shiloh scoffs, chewing her bottom lip.
Pepper's eyes fall to the floor, her heart sinking into her stomach. "Yes, but also about the hero stuff. It's always been something that's worried you. He'd go on missions and you'd be up all night if you weren't going with"
Shiloh lets her eyes scan over her bedroom floor for a few seconds. "No."
"Why not?"
"I don't wanna worry him."
"I don't think that's working too well." Pepper gives Shiloh a half-smile."
"Yeah, not really.." Shiloh rolls her eyes but a grin tugs at her lips.
"Talk to him, work it out. Work it out with you first though. You come first this time."
Shiloh lets out a sigh but nods her head. The talk with Pepper helps because for once, someone else actually gets it. The only person who ever got anything was Peter. He understood more than her dad or any of the Avengers because he was fifteen with superpowers. He understood the superhero life before anyone else and he understood the responsibility. He understood the childhood sacrifices it would take but this is something that no one else really gets.
Rhodey understands as does Happy but they understand in that Tony is their friend, brother even, but that's different than having romantic feelings for someone. It's just different and the only person who really, really can understand that is Pepper. Wanda can't even fully understand because Vision is an android and no matter what happens, they can always bring him back. And he doesn't have the extensive PTSD that everyone else does and Vision doesn't fully understand because Wanda is able to handle things much better but then again, maybe that's due to her own childhood and years of figuring it out.
"Thanks, mom." Shiloh says, giving her mom a gentle and sincere smile.
"You gonna be okay?" Pepper asks, offering a concerned smile.
"Yeah, I think I just need to sleep on it."
Pepper nods before standing up. "I'm here if you want to talk and so is Tony. Don't beat yourself up."
"Okay." Shiloh says, her voice just above a whisper before Pepper bends down and presses a kiss to the top of Shiloh's head before leaving the room.
Shiloh takes a deep breath, grabbing her phone that'd fallen off the bed. She checks the time seeing it's after five in the morning and no new messages. There's this piece of her gut telling her to just text Peter not to leave the tower, if he hasn't already. But, there's another part of her that can't bring herself to go to his message thread.
This still happened and while Shiloh might be piecing together why she reacts to Peter the way she does and finally coming to accept and admit it, she isn't quite ready to make those words vocal. Especially to Peter. At five in the morning. After he's just crushed her in his sleep. So, she plugs her phone back into the charger and lays down, knowing full and well she'll be tossing and turning all night with guilt and anxiety but she's sure as hell going to try and sleep.
The next morning rolls around and Shiloh wakes up to a throbbing headache from lack of sleep and pure stress. Her torso aches as she goes to roll over to grab her phone from her nightstand. Her face contorts in a wince as she puts a hand to her ribs, feeling the pain radiate across her skin.
Okay, worse than I thought it would be.
She reaches over nonetheless and grabs her phone, seeing a notification for a new text but it's from Harley, not Peter. And despite her telling Peter to leave the night before, despite him crushing her, her heart sinks. She was hoping he'd text her, an apology, an angry "fuck you" because maybe she deserved it for how she treated him right after a nightmare. But nothing.
Harley:
He's gone. Clint and Rhodey saw him.
Shiloh reads the message and her heart just thunders in her throat.
What did I do?
The first thought that crosses her mind is that he could have relapsed. What if he did? What would happen? He could and then all the progress to get his healing ability back to where it is would be for nothing. He'd be back to where he was and he's lost his tolerance to whatever he was taking so if he tried to take it again, he could overdose easily. What if he overdosed?
Shiloh:
Have you talked to him?
Shiloh sits up, anxiety flowing through her veins as she gets up, grabbing a pair of slippers and a hoodie to toss over her head.
Harley:
Texted him, hasn't viewed it or called.
Tears prick the back of Shiloh's eyes as flashes of the night before playback in her mind. Peter cowering in the corner, trying to apologize while she screams. His red face and balled fists when he tried to fight. The look of absolute devastation, like he suddenly thought he was just some let down, a should've been. Her hands start to shake and suddenly that's all she can see. Everything around her goes blurry as her eyes focus solely on her hands shaking, slowly turning into a watered blur as tears start to flood her eyes before dripping down her cheeks. Her nose heats up and starts to run and her chin quivers with every passing second.
What if something happened to him?
She goes to the Life360 app on her phone, an app for everyone in her circle to see where everyone is all at, and it's a little black and white profile picture of him still at the tower meaning he shut his location off before leaving the tower. She knew he would turn it off but there was a part of her that hoped maybe he wouldn't turn it off. Maybe he'd be so upset he would forget and she could go for him even though she promised she wouldn't keep chasing him. She made a promise to herself she would stop chasing him because he came home with her but now she wants to throw that out of the window without another thought because it's Peter.
Last night was a break. It was a break for her and for Peter. She needed to finally just break and get everything off of her chest even if the coherent part wasn't actually said to Peter. She just needed to get it out and sort out her own thought, ignoring the bits of her that were in denial about why she blames Peter. Why she hasn't talked to him about any of it. Why she chases him and tries to make sure he's okay. Why she does anything involving Peter. And now that she knows all of that and is ready to have a conversation about it, Peter's gone and it's all her fault.
It's her fault.
Shiloh sucks up her tears though and walks out of her room, heading for the kitchen in hopes of finding someone to talk to, preferable Rhodey or Clint to find out exactly what Peter said, if anything. But, of course, when she gets to the kitchen, it's Harley she sees.
"Do you not work?" Shiloh snarks, making her way to the fridge, deciding she wasn't going to admit her wrong to Harley or make it look like she was looking for anyone. She's ready to have a conversation but not with Harley. She needs a day to recover from their yelling match at five in the morning.
"Uh, yeah, good morning to you, too." Harley rolls his eyes, looking at Shiloh and as she comes around to the fridge, he gets a look at the scar on her hip where her hoodie just barely lifts, leaving a small gap between her pants and hoodie. "You okay?" Harley drops the attitude.
"My sides and chest are a bit sore, but yeah, why?" Shiloh looks over to him and sees the look on his face. She closes her eyes for a second, closing the fridge before turning to fully face him."
"You sure?" Harley asks, worry showing in his voice.
"Yeah." Shiloh says, moving to a cabinet with the poptarts. "Got some bruises but, when am I not bruised or cut or beaten or anything else?" Shiloh shakes her head, letting her hair fall messily across her shoulders. "I just need to go for a treatment and then I'm gonna go to the lab."
"Shi." Harley says, sucking in a breath.
She's right and he knows it. There hasn't really been a time since she was like eight or nine that she hasn't been dealing with some type of injury. If it wasn't the extremis, it was something she did by accident in the lab or cheerleading or something hero related once high school came. There's always been something. And being hurt, mentally and/or physically, isn't something someone should just be able to brush off because they're used to it.
"I'm sorry for last night, alright? I know it's hard for you." He glances over the scars, only imagining what the bruises elsewhere look like knowing Peter's strength. "Peter's my friend though, ya know? It's hard to be in the middle of you guys"
"I know." Shiloh says, voice nonchalant but monotone, a part of her wanting to just cave and talk it out. He might not be blood but he's her brother.
"What're you gonna do?" Harley asks, trying to be nice and his words are sincere.
"I don't know, Harley." Shiloh says, this time less snappy as she pulls out the s'mores poptart. "I just..." Shiloh looks to the floor, fighting back the tears and the lump in her throat. "I don't know, okay? I'll talk to you later."
"I'll come-"
"No." She cuts him off, already on her way to the elevator. "I'll tell you when I'm ready to talk about it. I promise." Her eyes widen with her words, showing she meant her words. "I just need to be alone for a little while. I know you're sorry and I am, too. You're right."
Harley's eyes turn to saucers at her words and the smallest smile tugs at his lips as Shiloh admits that he's right and she'll talk to him later. So, he nods in response, not bothering to add in any other words.
Shiloh heads to the medbay to get a treatment. Which, when she gets there, is a bit awkward because of course, it's Bruce that's there for her and he knows that Peter left. Word doesn't stay quiet around the tower especially when most of the tower is awake when things happen. Of course, it's never spread around like gossip. It's always just talked about it in the concern for whoever it's about. And this was important, especially for Bruce because he's the one giving Peter his treatments for his healing and Peter's nearly done. So, of course, Rhodey gave Bruce the heads up not to be looking for Peter. Bruce did though because it's Bruce and he knows that Peter isn't stupid and even if he were to leave the tower, maybe he'd still stop in for treatments. Bruce has hope for everyone.
So, the treatment for Shiloh was awkward to say the least. Bruce knows not to ask or even mention it so it was just quiet. And awkward. That's it and Shiloh hated every second of it and she hated that she constantly checked her phone the entire time, just waiting for Peter to pop up on some app. Instagram, messaging, Facebook, Snapchat, fucking something but he never did.
Her treatment ended and Peter never showed up on anything, granted she didn't reach out but he still never popped up and Shiloh is filled with so much guilt it's like she has bowling balls on her ankles with every step to her lab. And she's so distracted with her memory of the night before, she nearly misses the note taped to the door of the lab.
Shiloh
Scribbled in Peter's handwriting and Shiloh's eyes widen, stuffing her phone into her pocket and ripping the paper from the door before opening the folded piece of paper.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you but I can't do this. Please, don't hate me.
-Peter"
And reading that, it sparks Shiloh. She can't just sit on her own feelings and let Peter come to her. She can't do that. It's not fair to either of them so she enters her lab, having Marty lock the lab door behind her before she calls Peter and to no surprise, it goes to voicemail.
"Hey, Pete. Uh, I figured you wouldn't answer and I don't...I don't blame you but..." Shiloh pauses looking up at the ceiling before walking over to one of the computers and pressing a key for a hologram of the extremis damage to her body. "I saw your note and I don't hate you." Tears start to come once more and she can feel that the second she starts talking about the night before, her voice is gonna crack. "I'm sorry, Peter." Her voice cracks like broken glass. "Just, come home, okay? To the tower. I made a promise to myself that I can't keep chasing you and I need..." Shiloh looks over the hologram, looking at the grim prognosis. "I need to keep that so...just...come here. Just come back to the tower, okay? I...I think..."
Shiloh swallows the lump in her throat, turning her back to the hologram as tears fall down her cheeks and she leans against the table with the computer. And she lets herself just take a breath because she knows full and well that Peter will know she's completely broken over the night before so she might as well try and calm herself just for a second. That one second is going to help her tell Peter the truth.
"I've been too afraid to let myself really fall for you because I'm gonna die, Pete. That's the reality. I'm gonna die, soon, if Banner can't find a cure. And I know that you'll blame yourself because it was your blood interacting with mine but that's not your fault because we fought in battles together. It just...it happens and it's not your fault. But, I know that when I die, you're gonna blame yourself and you can't do that because it's not your fault. And I've been trying all this time to keep you safe because you have to live. If I die, you have to be okay. I'm just so scared that if I die, you're gonna go too far and no one else can lose you. If they lose me, they can't lose you and if they lose you, they can't lose me. They need at least one of us. And you can't blame yourself for what's gonna happen. I lo-I just...I care about you, Peter and you can't lose anyone else and I know that so I just, I find excuses to just...leave. To bail and this was that. And I'm sorry. I think deep down I knew that but I was just too scared to admit it until now so please, come home. Ple-"
"To replay message, press 1. To delete message, press 2." Peter's voicemail says, tears stinging his eyes as he listens to a frantic Shiloh on the other end, the voicemail a few hours old now.
"Another?" The bartender offers, pointing to the empty glass in front of him.
Peter nods, barely making out a "yeah" before looking to his phone. And a thousand things come to his mind, everything he wants to say because, she should be sorry for how she treated him. That's something Peter is coming to accept, that yeah, he shouldn't be treated poorly because of his mental health but he still owes her the deepest apology because she doesn't deserve to be hurt either. But, there's one thought that just trumps the other because she said she's going to die and Shiloh isn't that pessimistic. She can be pessimistic but dying? That's not exactly her. She might say she'll die but she's done that before and came back from the dead only to kick a bunch of alien ass so it's fine. She puts herself in life or death situations all the time. But this, this is bad because she's crying in the voicemail and something is a little too real about all of it. It's all honesty.
She's gonna die and it's my fault. And I'm the one who ran away.