Running away is so easy. If you run, everything that's scary or painful just gets left behind. There's still ache, still a bit of anxiety trickling in your bones but the further you run, the better it gets. It gets lonely as hell but isn't that a lot better than being hurt? Is it? It really should be, at least that's how Peter feels.
He can run away from everything. It's what he's done since May died. Run away from all he's known. His home, kindness, Shiloh, Avengers, being a hero. He just runs because that's just so much easier and he runs straight into a brick wall of drugs. Which definitely wasn't where he wanted to run to. It was never his intention but he did and he'd be dammed if he ever ran that far again. He ended up at a bar and that's enough for him. So, maybe it's time he sucks up his fear, sucks up the horrible and gut-wrenching pain in his gut and just run towards something this time. Towards the thing that scares him the most, Shiloh.
The problem is that he doesn't know how to run to her, especially after hearing the voicemail. He's played it back now countless times and he can't seem to wrap his head around the fact he did this to her. He didn't even know about the extremis. He thought they shared everything during the friendship but that just came as a total shock only for her to say it's no longer stabilized because of his blood. It's like no matter what he does, someone always ends up getting hurt and killed because of him. So, how does he run back to that?
"Bud light?" A voice beside Peter says, the bartender looking at the ID on the counter and nodding before grabbing a glass.
"H-harley?" Peter quirks a brow as he looks beside him seeing Harley right there, in the flesh. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Harley asks, taking the glass and taking a drink.
"Um..." Peter ponders, not really sure how to answer aside from the usual.
Sulking.
"How'd...how'd you find me?" Peter asks, taking a drink from his own glass.
Harley shrugs lightly, knowing it really wasn't that hard. "Asked Shiloh what bar she was at the night you were shot. Figure you'd be here out of some guilt thing." Harley lets a soft grin cross his lips.
"I'm not going-"
"Shut up." Harley groans, now turning to fully face Peter. "Look, we're all tired of it all, okay? This shit is shit. Ya know, that's why I don't just put on the suit, right? This shit sucks, man. Being a hero. Watching people get hut and killed all the day time even when it's not people you know. I only ever do it if Shiloh is in too deep and to be honest, I hate it even then. Actual shit. But, you chose it. You went out there and decided to do this. Which, hey, good for you. Something we all admire, right? But you gotta stop sulking about your decision and come back with me."
"I fucked up." Peter groans, putting his forehead to his hands that are on the bar but only for a second. "How...how do I come back from that?"
Harley shrug. "Talk to Tony." Peter just rolls his eyes at the answer. He is certain Tony doesn't have anything too nice to say to him right now. Not after what happened with Shiloh and not after leaving. "Okay, how about I give you some insight and then you agree to come back with me? If not..." Harley pauses. "I guess you suck."
"What insight?" Peter asks, suspicion in his voice.
"You know," Harley sucks in a breath. "She needs you. Like..." Harley shakes his head.
Shiloh has a thing for these talks at three in the morning when everyone should be sleeping. She talks. More than she ever probably should. She gets vulnerable. With anyone that's really close to. That's how Cindy knew Peter's backstory. One night, after staying up late, Cindy bandaging Shiloh's cuts from a fight, Shiloh got talking. Explaining why she cares so much about this dumb boy from Queens. Shiloh talks and she'll want to kill Harley for saying anything because it's Shiloh. She doesn't want to lay everything out there. Risk herself more than she already has.
"I mean, she'll kill me if she finds out I told you," Harley sighs knowing it took Shiloh months to let the extremis spill go but him telling Peter is better for the both of them. "But she's scared. Like really, really scared. It's been months, Peter and they don't know how to fix her. They aren't any closer today than they were when it started. She's dying and it's only getting worse and she's scared. She goes after you because to her, if she dies protecting someone she loves, it's worth it but this? This isn't how she wants to go. She needs you to be there, now that you know."
"W-why me though?" Peter asks.
Why him? Why's it him? Why is he the person that Shiloh needs? He's done so much horrible, unforgivable things to her and yet he's the one she needs. Peter has been so useless and yeah they had that thing where it was always them against the world because they understood but they aren't those people anymore. They aren't kids anymore. So, how is Peter supposed to be the person she needs when he can't even find himself through all of this darkness around his head?
"Remember when she finally had a turn around after she was attacked by Doc Ock?" Harley asks, Peter nodding slowly, hating the memory. "She never told you, but you were the reason. You made some comment about her being pretty, after all of it, and that you didn't mind the scars. Anyone who did, isn't worth her time."
Peter remembers. Shiloh had really bad depression for months after. It was hard for her to go out in public, look in the mirror, go to school. Everything was hard because everyone just stared at her. Paparazzi were always looking for the opportunity to catch a glimpse of her scars, fully uncovered. She always tried to cover them with bandages and makeup as best she could to hide that. But, after Peter told her that, it stopped. She doesn't embrace them but she's not ashamed, either. That's just her body now. It didn't matter anymore because Peter reassured her that it didn't matter. She was still pretty, she was still her. She was alive and that was what mattered through it all. But, Peter can't help but remember when he called her pretty that night on the couch and she was so shocked by it. Maybe, she forgot after all this time.
"I didn't...realize." Peter takes a drink. "I, uh, I didn't know it meat that much."
"It's because you're the dumbest genius on the planet here." Harley rolls his eyes with the sarcastic comment. "She's always had a thing for you. So, you saying something like that, it stuck with her. But, now this is something she needs you for again. No matter how far and hard she pushes away, you gotta keep going to her. You...you're gonna deal with your shit, too and that's fine. But, she's been there for you. That time you pushed her down in the cemetery, every single time you've blamed her for everything, the countless times you've threatened to kill her and almost killed her. She was there for you. I still think she's an idiot. But, it worked, I guess. Pay it back, Parker. Just..." Harley pauses, pursing his lips. "Show up for her before it's too late." Harley finishes and puts cash down on the bar before he gets up.
Banner and Tony haven't been able to figure anything out. But, what if Peter can? What if Peter has a magic idea brewing and he just doesn't know it yet. Maybe he can fix her, save her. Maybe he can actually save Shiloh. And if not, at the very least, maybe he should go back and give this all a chance again. It was one nightmare. Now they both know what can happen. They were both scared over the ordeal. It's understandable and Harley's right.
Shiloh has been there the entire time and she has never been cruel to him. She has always just been there, making sure he isn't in too much trouble. Protecting him as best as she can. Putting her life on hold. Destroying her relationship for him. Putting up her life to rescue him from himself. The least Peter can do is show up for her.
"Harley?" Peter calls, gaining Harley's attention as he reaches the doo. "Uh...can you give me a ride?"
Harley gains a smile and nods. "C'mon, Parker."
A smile comes across Peter's mouth, leaving what money he had on the bar and going with Harley.
"Can we, uh stop to get something from my place though?" Peter asks as they get into the black car, Harley fine to drive with only have two small dinks of his beer.
"Sure, what do you need?" Harley asks, more out of curiosity than anything. "Oh, and only if you promise that when Shiloh asks how I convinced you, it was just my undeniable charm and nothing about her."
Peter offers him a soft chuckle. "Okay. Uh...Clint let me borrow...some...thing." Peter narrows his eyes a little, not sure if he was supposed to tell anyone Clint stopped by last week to try and offer Pete something to help. Not get him back at the towering, knowing he'd never be able to do it.
Harley's face lights up as he puts the car in drive. "That's where he went!" Harley explains, as if he's just figured out a Rubix cube for the first time.
The drive is quick and it only takes Peter a few minutes to grab what he was missing before meeting Harley back at the car. But, the drive to the tower is quiet. Harley pretty much said everything he really needed to say and he's afraid if he says more, he'll overshare some more and get himself in more trouble with Shiloh. This is up to Peter and Shiloh to figure out now. And for Peter, he's absolutely having a panic attack. He does not want to go back, worried about what the others will say, how they'll look at him. It's like going back to the tower the day he was shot. All anyone knew was that he was an addict and a criminal. But now, no one knows exactly what he's been doing. Well, besides Banner, Peter has been keeping up with treatments he's almost done so that's a plus. So, Peter hopes Banner has said something, maybe, about Peter at least still being clean. He's been really helpful and understanding, always making sure to have Peter come by when Shiloh isn't around.
Banner adores them both but it's in Peter's best interest if he just keeps coming and if that means Banner has to hide that from people, mostly Shiloh, he will. It's saving Peter's life and he's not going to put that at risk.
But, Peter is still worried. This is the first time he's going to see Shiloh in a month. Harley says she needs him and that's why he's going but he's still scared. Her voicemail seemed like she wanted him there but Peter is worried she changed her mind. Maybe he's too late. But, he's already in the car, approaching the tower so it's not like he can turn around now. If she decides to not talk to him, he'll just have to do what she did with him. Work his way up with her until she starts to talk him again. It worked with him, so it'll work with her.
When they arrive at the tower, Peter just follows Harley, not really wanting to run into anyone but that doesn't last long. They walk through the tower until they reach the main living room where of course, Shiloh is sitting. It shouldn't be surprising really. It's just after ten and Shiloh doesn't really go out at night unless something is going on or she's chasing Peter. And she isn't the one who normally sits in her room. So, this kind of makes sense but it doesn't erase any of the anxiety Peter is feeling.
"Hey, where'd you-" Shiloh cuts herself off as she looks over the back of the couch to see Peter with Harley, holding a leash attached to Lucky.
Several things run through Shiloh's mind. Naturally, the first one wondering how Harley convinced Peter to come back. But the second thought is why does Peter have Clint's dog? Did everyone know Peter was fine and was opting to not tell her? Did he talk to everyone else besides her? Why does he have Lucky? What is even going on?
"Um...hey?" Shiloh says, brows furrowed as she looks over Peter, relieved to not see new cuts or bruises and the fact he actually looks healthy, just as he did the night he left.
"Hey..." Peter lets out a breath.
"You're welcome." Harley beams, boasting his chest with pride as he takes the leash. "'M gonna bring Lucky back to Clint, have fun. Talk it out. Do whatever the hell it is you two do." Harley states before walking off without another word or any explanation.
Harley leaves and now it's just Peter and Shiloh for the first time in a month. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. Shiloh is still seated on the couch, turned towards the back of the couch to look at Peter. Oh, she is so glad to see him but there's this part of her that almost feels dread. With him showing up, and Harley having something to do with it, that means she has no option but to be completely candid with Peter. It's the thing she's been avoiding for years.
She doesn't talk about the extremis, it was never a big deal anyway. Not by the time she met Peter, but it was always a part of her that no one outside the Avengers, her family, and Harley knew. All her friends didn' know, they didn't get to feel some weird sympathy for her. But, now there's Peter and she actually needs to tell him. That's what the voicemail was all about anyway. And yet, she's terrified. Terrified Peter will fall off the deep end again, terrified of just...letting it out into the open air to be exposed.
Peter, on the other hand, just doesn't know how she's actually reacting. He can hear her heartbeat from across the room, something he really has tried to tune out while Shiloh has been helping him but he really cannot help it as much as he tries. But, her heartbeat is fast, like it is when she's scared of something. Is she afraid of him now? Surely she can't be because Harley wouldn't have come to him if she were. But maybe there's a residual fear lingering that she doesn't know about. He could have killed her the last time he saw her and now he is actually killing her, unintentionally. And now he actually knows it. This whole thing, just standing here, looking at her and waiting has got Peter wanting to completely explode.
"Um..." Shiloh clears her throat. "How are you?" She asks, unsure how else to even start to the conversation.
"Uh," Peter looks down to his leg that's been much better than when he first arrived at the tower, healing factor nearly completely intact. "Good." Peter nods. "Better."
"Good." Shiloh offers a sheepish smile. "I'm glad you're doing better."
"T-thanks." Peter offers a similar smile, putting his hands in his pockets, not sure what to do with his hands.
"So...why're you...here?" Shiloh asks, brows furrowed.
She's glad he's back but there's that question of why? She was sure he'd come back. Something always told her, deep down, he'd be back but she also thought he'd be back in a week, not a month. Not with Harley and Lucky, which still has her very confused. And not in the middle of the night. This whole thing just seems random and a bit weird.
"Harley...he, uh, he said you needed me." Peter states, leaving it at that to keep his word to Harley, not to spill more than he really needs.
"He did?" Shiloh raises a brow, slightly squinting at Peter.
"Yeah," Peter sucks in a breath and takes a few steps towards her. She took the biggest risk by trying to help. Took risks with her health and with him threatening to kill her consistently. He takes a risk by just walking towards her. Realistically, there's nothing she can do that can hurt Peter more than what's already happened.
"Ya know," Shiloh sucks in a breath. "I didn't want you to leave. Not...really." She states, dodging his eyes. "I was just scared. Ya know." She scoffs. "Some people run, some people fight, I guess I do a bit of both, huh?"
"I, uh, I think we both do that." Peter offers a scoff that comes off more as a chuckle.
Maybe that's another reason they've always gotten along. They get scared so they run while fighting people around them. Besides each other. They were always the people that just, got it, the two that understood and maybe it's because they've always had the same coping mechanism and just showed it differently. Shiloh hid in depression, pushing people away with silence but Peter hid in his own depression, pushing people away with cruel words and actions. They both run and fight.
"Yeah," Shiloh chuckles. "We should probably work on that if we wanna get anywhere."
"Probably." Peter agrees with a nod and figures why not start working on it now. "Uh, heard your voicemail." Peter states. "W-what...I mean..." Peter stutters. "Are you okay?"
Shiloh shrugs. "Wanna come sit and we can talk about it?"
Peter nods. "Y-yeah, I do." Peter walks over to the couch and takes a seat.
Shiloh situates herself to face Peter, left side facing the TV, keeping the scars on her face hidden in shadow. Almost like having this conversation is already vulnerable and maybe she doesn't want that extended form of vulnerability, scars illuminated by a TV she simply won't shut off. There's only so much she can be actively vulnerable about and this is the time for extremis and her potential death sentence, not Peter constantly glancing to the scars across her face feeling sorry for himself and her over the ordeal.
"So, like, you're not gonna fall off the deep end when I start telling you this, right? Like you gotta promise me otherwise I'm not gonna say anything." Shiloh asks bluntly once Peter is situated next to her, his left leg folded under him as he's facing her.
"Promise." Peter nods. "Not, uh, not gonna leave this time."
Shiloh nods and gives Peter a gentle smile. "Alright," She sucks in a breath. "So, you know about the extremis. My mom and me were given a neutralizer that has kept it dormant since I was ten. But, I don't know, almost two years ago, something started to go wrong. Spiking temperatures that would normally kill people, literally turning orange like lava, superhuman crap. I was given the neutralizer again, and was fine for a few weeks and then it happened again." Shiloh explains. "So, again, given the neutralizer and Banner and my dad started a fuck load of tests to try and figure out what's going on but every time I was given the neutralizer, it would only last so long. When I got you back to the tower, I had to go for something kind of like dialysis but with the neutralizer and it was typically once a day, sometimes twice. So, in some blood work they did, they found the extremis active but they also found some of the same radioactively they've only seen in your blood."
Shiloh takes a breath and lets Peter sit with that for a minute. For her, she thinks it'll be better to just give it to him in pieces instead of the whole story. Gauge how's taking it and decide how to tackle the parts from there. She's going to tell him everything but she definitely does not want to overwhelm him. Not after everything. It's all been very tiring but she isn't gonna let all of the work the two of them have done to get Peter this far go down the drain because she trusted Peter's one promise on not leaving.
"Okay." Peter says, taking it in and already hating where this is going.
"They think, from the fights we've been in together, that there was cross-contamination of your blood to mine and normally, it wouldn't be a big deal, I guess but because of everything and how...I was trying too hard to save you, it was more than my body could handle, likely from the extremis. The radioactivity activated the extremis and they haven't been able to keep it stable since and they haven't been able to get rid of the radioactivity either. So..." Shiloh pauses sucking on the inside of her cheek. "I had to get a PICC line because now I have to go every like three hours before it becomes too much and if they don't figure something out, if we don't, I'm gonna die. And...well, you heard my voicemail."
Shiloh stops talking as she doesn't have anything else to say on that matter. She explained pretty much everything so now all that's left is for Peter to say something. Anything at all. But he just sits there, dodging eyes. It's hard for him to take in. The idea that he's the reason this is happening to her has him absolutely wanting to run away because a part of him thought, hoped even, Shiloh would be just shallow enough to lie to him on the voicemail. Send Harley to him. But that isn't the case. This is real. But he promised he wouldn't run and he wasn't there when Flash, MJ, or May died. Not in the way that he's able to be here for Shiloh. He was fighting villains, rushing to the rescue, but he wasn't really with them, holding their hand through it. This time, if Shiloh dies, Peter actually has the chance to be there as a support system. To just be there, whenever she needs him. This is his opportunity to make things right with everything that's happened to his loved ones and to Shiloh.
"Uh...was it...I mean was it any battle that d-did it or..." Peter asks, deciding to just ask some questions, open the gate there as a way to let Shiloh know he's there and not lost in his head somewhere like he normally would be.
Shiloh shrugs a shoulder. "Probably not." She shakes her head. "Like, we had a lot of encounters over the years so I think it was just a build of all of them together." Shiloh explains.
"There's-there's really nothing anyone can do?" Peter asks, sadness in his voice but hope in his eyes.
"Nope." Shiloh pops the 'p'. "I mean, we're all trying but thee's not a book for this or a website or tutorial videos." She lets out a half-chuckle. "We've never needed them before but they sure would be nice right about now. We're trying though, tried a transfusion with Harley's blood since we're the same blood type. The hope was to maybe filter out at least some of the radioactivity. It was a long shot but it didn't work."
"Oh." Peter says, head hanging slightly. "Uh...so..." Peter chews his lip. "How long...until...?"
Shiloh shrugs. "It's progressively getting worse so a few months, maybe." Shiloh says and Peter hears her heart start to race again and it's true what Harley said. She's scared.
Who wouldn't be? She's only twenty-three, almost twenty-four. And she has a death sentence not just from her dad's own villain but also her best friend. That is cruel and unfair. Shiloh, despite denying she's a hero at every opportunity, does everything in her power to help. She volunteers when she can, she helps animals, helps find solutions to the hero suits and engineering problems in hospitals and shelters, she donates money all the time, she gives everything to Peter to save him. And yet she's the one dealt the short end of the stick here. She did everything she could and she's dealt with this death sentence.
"That's not fair." Peter states, clenching his jaw. "HH-how is that right?" He scoffs. "I've been killing myself with drugs and killing my healing factor and letting people die, hurting people, and you're the one that's gonna die. That's not fair."
"Well, Pete, life isn't always fair." Shiloh states. "No one said any of it would be fair but here we are. We are dealt the hand we're dealt and we're just meant to make the most of it."
"Well," Peter's eyes grow watery. "That sucks!" He yells. "There has to be something else. T-there has to be." Peter gestures out with his hands, shrugging his shoulders. "Y-you..." Peter's voice drops down to a quiet, saddened and hopeless whisper. "You can't die."
"Neither can you, ya know?" Shiloh asks. "What is a world without Peter Parker?" Peter gives her a look and Shiloh knows he's gonna make some self-deprecating remark. "Shit." Shiloh states before he has the chance. "I know that because my wold has been Peter Parker-less for a few years and it sucks. Life is better with you in it. So, no matter what happens to me, you get the fuck up every single day and you do your best or so help me, I will haunt your bitch ass."
Peter can't help but let out a soft chuckle. "H-how about, uh, we make a deal?"Peter offers.
Shiloh has been the one making deals with him and Harley, so now it's Peter's turn. If he can't go back to how it was if Shiloh does die, she can't just give up. And she can't just hide stuff from him anymore.
"Um...okay?" Shiloh tilts her head, brows furrowed with curiosity.
"You can't give up either, and uh, y-you can't just...not tell me things." Peter states. "And I'll, uh, I'll stay here, not, uh, fall off the deep end."
Shiloh has the right side of her mouth pulled into a smile. "Bold of you to assume I was ever giving up to begin with." She lets out a chuckle. "C'mon, I don't give up that easily."
"Good." Peter's smile, for the first time in this living room tonight, is genuine.
"So, uh, what's up with Lucky? Why did you have him?" Shiloh laughs, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch and resting her head on her hand.
Peter laughs softly. "Uh, Clint came over." Peter says softly. "Uh, to the apartment-"
"Wait, how've you kept up with that?" Shiloh asks.
Peter shrugs. "T-tony, uh, he's been paying I guess in case I wanted to leave. I, uh, I went back to just see and...everything I left was still there." Peter explains.
"Oh..." Shiloh says softly.
It makes sense that Tony would be paying for the apartment as he still views Peter as his own and he would want Peter to have a place where he can go away from anyone if he ever needs to. But, he never said anything to Shiloh, he never mentioned it to Peter. It was just something he did. If anything, that should show he still cares for Peter, no matter how Peter feels Tony might feel about him.
"Yeah, uh, so Clint came over a week ago. He said I could keep Lucky for a little while. Uh, he said Lucky helped him when he was having a hard time." Peter chuckles quietly. "Guess, he thought of Lucky as a support dog."
"Well," Shiloh starts. "He kind of is." Shiloh scrunches her nose. "I mean he's just the cutest golden retriever with one eye and he's such a good boy." Shiloh beams. "He helped me."
Clint found Lucky a few years ago outside a local pizza shop. Some guys weren't being very nice to Lucky and he didn't belong to anyone. And he had matted hair, a pretty nasty eye infection, a little limp, and was underweight so Clint got his pizza and took Lucky home. Clint got him to a vet and Lucky had to have his eye removed, but other than that, he was okay. He made a full recovery and everyone has enjoyed having the dog around, especially Clint and Shiloh.
Sure, Clint has Nat but there's something different about Lucky that keeps him comfortable. And for Shiloh, she just really likes dogs and always wanted one but Tony and Pepper always said everyone was too busy to have a dog. It wouldn't be fair. So, Clint bringing him home, it kind of made Shiloh able to have a dog that wasn't really hers and Clint has always been nice enough to let Shiloh take Lucky on walks and to the dog park. Let Shiloh borrow Lucky for a night when she's having a bad time. Lucky isn't legally a support dog, but that doesn't matter to them because he helps them all just fine.
"Yeah," Peter lets out a breath, smile on his lips. "He's been nice to have." Peter states. "And then Harley took him."
"I know!" Shiloh exclaims. "You're having issues and I'm dying and Harley is over here like 'I'ma take him back now', what an asshole." Shiloh laughs.
"Yeah, right?" Peter agrees and like that, the room falls silent besides the TV.
There's still a lot of questions Peter and Shiloh have for each other. Peter wants to know if she really is scared of all of this because she doesn't seem like it. She almost seems so nonchalant that she just accepts her fate. Even that thing she said, how it's just the hand she's dealt, makes him think she isn't scared but the second Peter found out for sure that his healing factor wasn't working, he panicked.
For so long, there was a part of him that wanted to die,t thought the world was better off without him but getting that news, changed him a bit. He never really wanted to die, just punish himself for it. And he did that, but it was terrifying hearing that, even when Banner said he could fix it. So, how can Shiloh be okay with it? Harley couldn't have lied about that. It just makes him wonder how she puts on such a brave face in front of him.
And for Shiloh, she just wants to know what Peter's been doing. Her questions aren't nearly as deep as Peter's. It's been a month. She wants to know what he's doing. Did he get a job? Has he been to FEAST? Has he met anyone? What's been going on? A month is both such a short time and also an incredibly long time to not even see someone you're used to seeing every day, even if not on good terms. And she wonders if he's talked to Ned. She has but he hasn't said anything about seeing Peter and normally Ned tells her. Did Peter tell Ned what happened and maybe that's why Ned hasn't said anything? All Shiloh wants to know is what he's been doing and how's he been doing.
"Ca-can I ask you something?" Peter asks with hesitance.
"Shoot." Shiloh states.
"Why...why do you need me? After everything?" Peter asks, caution in his voice but it's something he has to know. Why is he still the person she calls? And this is kind of an opening question to the one he also wants to know. Why the brave face in front of death?
Shiloh shrugs, chewing the inside of her cheek before playing with a ring on her index finger. "I guess I understand, somewhat, how you feel." Shiloh starts, her eyes going distant. "Ya know, when Flash died," Shiloh sucks in a shaky breath. "That sucked a lot for me. And I know, it was Electro who was your villain but..." Shiloh lets the air between them fall silent for a few seconds as she remembers the good times of having Flash around. "I was there. I...I should have been able to help. He wasn't...he wasn't just your friend. He...I brought him into the group ya know? Maybe if I wouldn't have..."
"Don't say that." Peter shakes his head quickly. "It's not your fault."
Shiloh nods. "No, I know. I just mean...he was your bully." Shiloh scoffs. "And I saw you and MJ kiss and I remember..." Shiloh's face just falls, unsure how to even say everything that happened, something Peter to this day doesn't know the full story behind. "Um...I...you're oblivious and always have been but Flash knew how I felt about you probably because he was your bully. But, uh, I don't know." Shiloh shakes her head. "He followed MJ and me to find you and...he saw me watching when you kissed MJ on the bridge and he just kind of knew. I made him promise not to say anything about you being Spider-Man."
"He-he knew? Back then?" Peter asks. Sure Flash found out while they became friends but Peter had no idea Flash knew before that. In fact, Peter's finding out there's a lot he didn't know.
"Yeah." Shiloh nods. "You weren't exactly hiding your identity on the bridge, ya know, in London which is pretty populated." Shiloh says, voice going just sarcastic. "But I made him promise not to say anything." Shiloh's brows furrow. "Well..." A smile comes to her face. "Actually, I asked him and he just said he wouldn't tell and asked if I was okay." Flash wasn't all bad. "He walked with me and talked a little, nothing crazy just a conversation but at the airport, his parents couldn't even be bothered to show up." Shiloh rolls her eyes, clearly still annoyed by the situation. "It kind of made sense from there, I guess. And...well, you know the rest. I invited him over to the tower for a movie night and...few years go by and he's with us and he dies."
Peter and MJ were dating, dating for quite a while and because of that, Shiloh and Ned were kind of left out sometimes which was understandable and neither of them were mad. They were happy for their friends. But in that time, Ned got closer with Betty and Shiloh got closer with Flash. It was never romantic but she showed Flash her lab and taught him stuff about the suits. He became her best friend and she became his. Peter didn't know it, but Flash stayed at the tower more than ever did. Flash's house was pretty lonely but the tower never is.
"So...you're my best friend but I think it's also just because...I understand some of your guilt. And I know you won't let me wallow in my self-pity like you do." Shiloh huffs, a snarky smile on her face. "And you make me feel better. Always have."
"I'm really sorry about Flash." Peter says, voice soft and eyes filled with pain and understanding. "You, uh, you make me feel better, too." Peter smiles shyly, looking down with tinted cheeks and decides to change the subject to something a little lighter to keep the conversation going, just for a little bit. "You...you liked me?" Peter asks, finally backtracking to that.
"As I said, you're oblivious." Shiloh remarks with a soft laugh. "Though, I thought I'd made that clear...before you left."
"Y-yeah, yeah, yeah, you did but..." Peter says quickly. "I meant...then?"
"Yeah," Shiloh says with ease. "But," She sucks in a breath. "You liked MJ. And she liked you and you were both my friends."
Peter definitely didn't know. There was a time when he had those feelings for Shiloh in high school but it was also messy with the Spider-Man thing and her dad being Tony Stark. It was just...messy. And after they came back after the snap, even though they kissed, it was like, that was it. Nothing happened. Never spoke about it. It was like they had lives to pick up again and that didn't involve something romantic between them. It wasn't the time and he really, really loved MJ. Deep down, Peter's feelings for Shiloh didn't disappear. His feelings for MJ were just stronger. And that's okay. People can fall in love more than once and be in love with more than one person. It doesn't belittle the relationship or friendship. Sometimes, things just happen.
They are different people now than they were in high school and beginning of college. It wasn't right for them then. But, now, maybe there could, possibly be a good time. If someone can save Shiloh. So, he lets this drop. Lets this conversation drop, not wanting to readdress their feelings for each other. Not tonight. Instead, Peter has a second question which is definitely not as...light-hearted as the previous question. But it bothers him.
"Uh..." Peter starts, the question probing his brain a little too much for comfort. "A-are you scared? You..." Peter stutters. "You just don't seem...scared."
Shiloh's heart sinks. Her intention was to seem as nonchalant and casual as she can. The whole, not wanting to throw Peter into the deep under over this. But, she did promise she'd be honest with him.
"Terrified." Shiloh states, her smile completely evaporating.
"I-I'm sorry." Peter whispers, brows coming together with sadness.
"I...I am so scared." Shiloh admits, sucking on her teeth. "I don't want to die, Pete." Shiloh says, a slight quiver in her voice as tears build up behind her eyes. "My, uh, my parents, ya know, they lost me once and now...they're probably going to again but..." Shiloh stops just long enough to gain a breath. "It's...permanent. There's not a magical snap that would bring me back. That'll just be the end of it." A tear slips away but Shiloh catches it quickly. "Life sucks a lot of the time and it's not fair and what I said is true, we're dealt a hand and we just have to deal with it but it doesn't make it suck any less and it doesn't make it any less scary. I...I wanted to do so much and...haven't." Shiloh sniffles and Peter scoots closer to her, grabbing the hand that's in her lap with hesitance. "And I just don't want to die." Shiloh pauses again and this time, the tears start flowing the lump is too big in her throat. "I really, really don't wanna die, Pete."
"It's okay." Peter whispers as Shiloh leans into him, head on his shoulder and Peter's hands reach up to pull her into him.
Life and death situations have happened to Peter countless times but the one that always sticks with him is the one where he lost his leg because that's the one where he really thought that was it and it almost was. He was minutes away from being dead. Had Tony and Shiloh and Rhodey not shown up when they did, Peter would have died. But, he didn't. Because those three showed up in the knick of time. All of them have been just a few seconds too late lately, when it's really mattered, and it seems like they're in for a change in that. They have to be in for some kind of change. Saving someone right in the knick of time and maybe that someone will be Shiloh.
"You're okay." Peter whispers, rubbing Shiloh's back before pulling away and moving his hands to her face. "You're okay." He nods, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. "I'll-I'll figure something out, 'm not gonna let you die."
"You don't-"
"I don't care." Peter cuts her off. "I'll figure it out." Peter reassures her, this time his voice holding confidence.
Sometimes, fresh eyes can make all the difference and Peter has never had the chance to really look at what's wrong with Shiloh. Now, he can. And maybe he can help figure this all out. He has to because at the very least, he owes her this. He owes her her life back.
Shiloh nods, swallowing the knot in her throat. "Okay." Her voice breaks.
"Uh, let's-let's just lay down, yeah? Um...we can figure it out in the morning." Peter offers, hands not moving from her face.
Shiloh nods, putting her hands over his. "Thanks, Pete."
"I'm not gonna let you down again...I'm-I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, Shi."
He doesn't say that he promises because the reality is that he doesn't know if he can help that. But, he's going to work every part of himself to make sure nothing ever happens to her ever again. Shiloh made him her responsibility, something Peter still can't quite understand, but now it's time Peter makes Shiloh his responsibility. Not just because it's his blood that caused the instability in the extremis, but because he owes it to her and he cares for too much far her to not give everything he's got. He makes the promise to himself that he won't let anything happen to Shiloh. Ever again.