I'd never had it happen before, not even in the Thank Tank. I mean, in the Thank Tank when someone with an automatic weapon comes to get you, it's not as if it is a violation of your home or private space.

There it was, the middle of the night, I must have just settled into what they used to call REM sleep. Being shaken awake from that state doesn't evoke panic - even though this was my room, I still had to get my bearings. Then he spoke, "Get up, get dressed. Come with me. Now!"

Ok, maybe the Thank Tank actually does prepare one for things. A Guardian was above me, his weapon slung over his shoulder. Quite groggy, I did what I was told. In auto-mode. In one part of my brain it occurred to me that we Aunts often dressed down men who possessed weapons. And they'd back down, such was our authority in Gilead.

Not now, not in the middle of the night here. He didn't particularly watch me dress, in any other context he'd be on the Wall before dawn for even being in the same room while a woman dressed. Indeed, I'd been the one who'd designed the special form which eventually got filled out giving permission for such actions. Cobwebs clearing and instincts returning, I hunched that there'd be no such form filled out against this guy.

Pushed out into the hall (here at the Red Centre, which I mention so that any reader understands the gravity of it all), I see it filled with Guardians, all rushing to and fro with automatic weapons either slung or at the ready. Guardians were standing sentry at Lydia's door, but no one was stationed at mine. If this guy was taking me out the front door, I wouldn't be able to see if Helena's or Vidala's door was similarly guarded. But I did hear on the Guardian's radio a report that there were now 4 such sentries stationed at the door to the meeting room which we four used to make assignments, and which (behind that locked, walk-in closet door) sat some of the most secure biological lineage files in all of Gilead.

I was taken out the front door into the cool of the night. That's what hit first, it was cold outside. But there was no time to think about it, because I was hustled to the other side of the waiting SUV, and manhandled into the back seat behind the driver.

Aunt Helena was already in the back seat to my right. I gave her the most quizzical look I could manage without actually making a sound. She just shrugged her shoulders. The SUV started to pull ahead, but outside a Guardian ran up beside us and started banging on the engine hood. We made a sudden stop and the driver rolled down his window.

"Change of plan," the external Guardian said. "I'm taking them up to the meeting room." At that both back doors opened, both Helena and I were manhandled back into the cool of the night, and marched back into the repurposed school: The Red Centre.

Up we went as we'd done countless times before. But never under guard. We ran the gauntlet of the four sentries outside our meeting room, and lo and behold, there sat Commander Judd in Lydia's place on the other side of the table and lazy susan. Alarmingly, the door to the walk-in closet was wide open. Only Lydia had a key. It was wide open. Before I was physically sat down at the table by the guardian, I tried to spy the lock on that door to see if it had been forced. It had.

Where was Lydia? Where was Vidala? Why were men in this room? Commander Judd as well as two guardians with their weapons slung? It was Commander Judd who broke the silence.

"Where are they?" he said very firmly, but with a measured tone.

Aunt Helena seemed frozen. I know how Aunt Lydia would have opened, I'm not sure any of the three men in here would have survived, guns or no guns. But in this circumstance it fell to me to reply.

"Where are who?" I managed.

"Not 'who'. 'What'. The files," Commander Judd said, seemingly anticipating that we would not give up our secrets easily, except in this case, I had no secret to give up. I wondered if the Thank Tank was in my future.

I thought to myself, were not the files in the closet? From this angle I could not see, and besides the ceiling light in there was not on. So, trying not to extend this charade any longer than necessary, I said, "If they're not in there, then I have no idea."

Helena uttered words of concurrence.

Commander Judd started to fidget and look around at nothing in particular, so I hunched I could get some sort of initiative by quizzing him.

"Commander Judd, what's going on? Where's Aunt Vidala? Where's Aunt Lydia."

Judd took in a deep breath, then let out what sounded like a sigh. "Vidala is in my office across town cooling her heels. I want her as far from this as possible." He then turned to one of the armed Guardians and said, "Go get three youngish girls. I don't care who. Wake them up, bring them here. And bring them in blindfolded."

The subsequent silence irritated me so I added, "And Aunt Lydia?"

"She's in hospital, with a nasty stab wound in her back. She also had a nasty fall - down some stairs. Doctor says it's 50-50 if she'll pull through."

Helena gasped. I remembered back in the day the attack on the Capitol in the old USA. My senator had afterwards thanked me for my cool head and wise counsel that had got us through our lockdown until security forces could clear the building, the Senate and the Representatives chambers. She'd said that cool heads like mine had enabled Congress to actually resume sitting before the day was out. On our side of Congress, we began again after an impassioned speech by the vice-president who was, then, presiding.

Back then, I had thought I'd been a shambles, but the senator said I portrayed calm. I was hoping that was true now.

I said, "What? What happened to Aunt Lydia?" Inside I was not calm, with Lydia's status in question no wonder Commander Judd had first isolated Aunt Vidala. But what was to become of me and Helena?

Then the Guardian returned with three older girls, still in their nightclothes, blindfolded. I recognized them as supplicants. They were visibly shaking. Before I could say anything, Commander Judd pointed at one of them and said, "Shoot her." The Guardian pulled out his pistol, and put a round in the back of the girl's head.

It was such a shock. The other two girls and Aunt Helena screamed. It took me a moment to realize I did too. Still was. Blood had splattered on me. I yelled, "Commander Judd, stop!" The two remaining girls started crying. One started to urinate. (I was not far behind.)

Judd, ever calm, simply repeated, "Tell me where the files are."

I yelled, "if they're not in that closet, I don't know where they are!" This did not seem to do any good, because Judd looked up to the Guardian, and pointed to the next girl. At that Aunt Helena jumped up and put herself between the Guardian and the girl.

I yelled again, "Stop this, we don't know where the files are! Killing us won't get you the files. Stop this."

Judd just sat there. Eventually he told the Guardian to holster his weapon, take the two girls back to where they came from and get rid of the dead one. I couldn't look as the Guardians completed their tasks, even trying a bit of a clean up. It was no good, though, little droplets of blood were on most things - strangely, even on the lazy susan between us and Commander Judd. And on me.

I had not quite calmed down. I said through halting breath, "Commander Judd, no one knows where the files are. Maybe Aunt Lydia does. I am positive that Aunt Vidala does not. For the love of the living Lord, sir, please tell us what is going on."

He went over it, at least he went over what early reports had passed on, which had necessitated him coming here as his first act of his own survival. Aunt Lydia had been doing a routine check at Commander Lawrence's house. We'd known that. Commander Lawrence and his wife, Eleanor, had just agreed - surprisingly - to welcome a controversial Handmaid into their home - their third Ofjoseph. She'd been Ofglen, and had just been returned from the colonies, because of the shortage of Handmaids following the bombing at the Rachel and Leah Centre. She was a gender traitor, and had killed a guardian after stealing a car. Now this maniac had tried to dispatch Lydia.

Ofjoseph #3 had met Aunt Lydia with a knife at the house, had attacked from behind and had pushed Aunt Lydia down the stairs. She then fled the Lawrence house, through means unknown. Commander Judd said that The Eyes of God were rounding up suspected Mayday operatives, but so far there was no connection made between them and Ofjoseph.

"But something is going on, and it is going on as we speak. First though," he paused to gather a Commander-like voice, "Where are those files?" For pre-arranged effect, he motioned to the two guardians who proceeded to manoeuvre their weapons in front of them, at the ready.

Helena was frozen. Sorry, Commander Judd, you can't do that twice. Again, it was up to me. "By all that's holy," I managed, "I don't know. They should be there," I pointed into the closet. "Have you asked Aunt Vidala? But truly, if they're not there, my best guess is that Aunt Lydia would know."

"And she's lying critical in a hospital bed," Commander Judd concluded. "So you see my problem."

Fearing being on the receiving end of the solution to his problem, it was a relief when yet another Guardian came into the room, pushed past me and Helena, went around to Commander Judd and whispered into his ear. The man must have been delivering a memorized full-page report, and Commander Judd's attention to each detail was revealed in the changing contours of his face as each development was relayed.

It was impossible to read his face as the Guardian left and Judd scanned me and Helena. I risked reaching, hoping it was not an overreach, but I just had to know. So I said, "So?"

Commander Judd was a man measuring both thoughts and words. One never knows if one is inside a full-blown coup (or even an attempted one) until way, way after. An innocent declaration of loyalty one way or another in the wrong direction at the wrong time can have disastrous implications later on. That's what I was to learn in the aftermath of the attack on the Capitol.

So I pulled myself upright in my chair, and went for all the Aunt Lydia-like authority I could muster. "Look, Commander Judd. With respect. I demand to know what's going on. You've killed one of our supplicants." He would either tell me, or Helena and I would be on the Wall by first light.

He looked reluctant. "Ok, but I need to know where those files are. And both of you know that I can get information one way or another. So let me tell you…"