The Beginning after the End
The smell of iron lingered in the air. Muffled cries of pain and rage were dancing over the battlefield. Salty tears rolled down her cheeks and left light trails between the blood and dirt on her skin. She held a familiar person in her arms. With shaking hands she gently brushed a dark strain of hair out of the king's eyes. His breathing was weak.
„Thorin, you damn stubborn dwarf! You can't die now! Pull yourself together." A heavy sobbing shook the little hobbit.
Azog is dead, so why, why couldn't Thorin live to celebrate this victory?
Rough fingers brushed over her cheeks, as if they wanted to wipe away the tears, the sadness.
„Bella, Bell… don't cry, my dear." Thorin looked her in the eyes.
A small smile on his lips. He wanted to help her ease the pain, make her feel better. He wanted to tell her how he felt, now that he finally was 'King under the mountain' again. Now that he was worthy of this kind little hobbit. Now, it was too late. Her crying broke his heart and made his soul ache.
„You know I am not very good at comforting, amrâlimê." With his last strength Thorin sat up and kissed his hobbit. He wouldn't want to leave her, not like this, not crying.
~
Absent-minded Bellas fingers touched her lips. How long has it been? One year? Two? No, longer, a lot longer. Her eyesight wasn't as good as it used to be. She couldn't take long trips anymore and her memories began to slip away.
„Bella… Belladonna." Startled turned the hobbit around.
„Lord Elrond. What can I do for you? Is it time to go already?" The elve smiled gently down on her. He hadn't aged one bit in all the time she had spent with him.
„Yes my dear, I believe it is time to go. We are the last ones to board a ship."
She stared a moment into his eyes, searching for a hint of… of what? With a deep sight she turned back to the window. The boats had already left or were about to leave. The fog over the lake was getting thicker and thicker as time went by.
Another deep sight left her mouth. Unconsciously her fingers reached up to her lips again to lightly brush over them.
The hobbit rummaged through her pockets to hand over a heavy letter to Lord Elrond. In clear black letters the names of Lord Elrond's twin sons were written on the envelope.
„Give them the letter once you boarded the boat and you are to far from the shore to turn around. I will miss those two. You of course as well, Lord Elrond. But I have a feeling that this shouldn't be. Even though all my traveling and adventures, I still haven't found my place. Maybe I never will," with a sad smile on her face she stood up, grabbed her backpack and left. Hoping that he would understand, but knowing she herself didn't either.
~
Belladonna Baggins knew she couldn't go back to Shire. Bag End, the home her father Bungo Baggings built for her mother wasn't anymore hers, it wasn't home. Home was somewhere else, somewhere, maybe someone…
Neither could she go to the Lonely Mountain. Too many memories would await her there and only a few of them were good. Her fingertips brushed her lips again, before she angrily banished them into one of her pockets.
Mirkwood wasn't that pleasant either, so maybe… yeah, why not. Somewhere where she hadn't been before. Somewhere without memories, with lots of adventures. Somewhere where the earth was still singing.
A shy smile on her face, Sting by her side and a wooden stick in one hand Bella starts wandering to the woods where tree giants, Ents, are said to be living.
While she felt a familiar joy rising in her heart the smile on her face widened and the stick in her hand started growing little leafs and flowers. The grass under her feet seemed to grow greener and healthier, while the flowers started to bloom and were tilting their heads towards the humming hobbit.
~
Between two large oaks Bella set camp for the night.
Her trip didn't take as long as expected. She reached the forest a week earlier. The journey wasn't much of an adventure either, she didn't encounter orcs or wargs, nor trolls. Apart from some minor obstacles like wolves and your everyday bandits it had been a rather pleasant trip.
Leaning with the back on the rough bark of the oak the hobbit looked up into the starry night-sky. Searching through her memories she found what she was looking for. The memory of a similar night. She was on the road for not more than roughly a few months together with Thorin and his company. They didn't light a fire, as it was warm enough without. Just like tonight.
Bofur had first watch. With a sad smile she remembered how she tossed and turned that evening, until she finally gave up and joined Bofur. He had been smoking his pipe, silently staring into the night. With that ridiculous hat of his, which he never seemed to take off. That night he wasn't joking around with her. They both had a lot to think about.
As Bella opened her eyes, she could almost see the sleeping dwarves in front of her. Fíli and Kíli, right next to each other, always worried that they would wake up alone. Bifur, muttering in Khuzdul and sometimes kicking at the invisible enemies. Bombur, who seems to eat even in his sleep. Nori and Dori, tucked together with Ori in their middle. Gloin, Oin and Balin right next to an overhang, snoring one louder than the next. Dwalin, not far from Thorin, the weapon always in reach, ready to protect his king and friends. Thorin, sleeping without a sound, no movement and even frowning in his sleep. Worrying about more than he should.
At first the snoring, the movement and muttering had irritated her, but soon she couldn't find sleep without these familiar sounds. It is one of those memories that would help Bella sleep. Helped her to ease the pain in her heart.
With a sight she closed her eyes for a moment. Holding back the tears she let the image fade away. A growling not far from her left made her freeze in the very moment. She knew this particular sound. Warc.
Slowly her fingers crept over the ground to reach the hilt of Sting. Her eyes were searching the darkness for a sign of danger. Two dim glowing eyes penetrated her from where the sound came from. Her back against the tree Bella stood up, not breaking eye-contact with the foul creature.
"Well, well, well. Who do we have here?" a voice like metal on stone.
An Orc, uglier than the ones Bella had seen before, stepped into the moonlight. The blue shining blade in one and her staff in the other hand she eyed the creature.
"No answer? Well, none needed. We had specific orders for whom we are looking for. An old hobbit lass," a screeching sound echoed through the woods. It might have been a laugh.
"With something very special in her possession. A ring. Give it to us! Give it!"
Bella was running, running for her life.
Another arrow missed her just barely, setting the tree in front of her on fire. A howl from behind motivated her to run faster. Smoke stang in her eyes and lungs, making it hard to breathe. Half blind she let her feelings guide her. The trees all around were screaming in pain. The forest was burning.
With her last strength, she climbed an old tree.
"I am sorry. I am so sorry! This is all my fault. They were right. I am poisonous, always bringing bad luck to all around me," her words were no more than a whisper, hidden behind heavy sobbing. The tears just wouldn't stop flowing and the screams got only louder.
For the second time this night Bella froze, as someone right next to her cleared his throat.
"My dear, not all poisons are only used to kill. With the right dose and understanding they can become the best cure."
With a shocked squeak Bella let go of the branch she was holding on to. A large hand caught her in the middle of falling and placed her gently back on a safe spot.
"What is a child of Yavanna doing here in my forest?" wise eyes were looking at her from between the bark, moss and branches.
"My, my name is Belladonna Baggins, mister Ent. I came here looking for a place to stay, a place filled with life and the grace of our creator. I was hoping to meet an Onodrim like yourself. Sadly all I found were orcs, wargs and bad luck. And again I managed to poison the things I love. It is my fault that the forest is burning. I am so very sorry for this, master Ent. I regret that I ever set foot out of my door. If it wasn't for me, they all would have lived!"
The ent listened to her, moving slowly out of the raging fire. Bella clinged to the bark, heavily sniveling, finally letting all the tears flow, together with the pain, grief and sadness.
A sudden pain in her chest ended the weeping of the hobbit lass. An arrow had hit her from behind and all the way through. Disbelief filled her eyes, followed by pain. She tried to scream, but only a muffled sound came out. Hard she hit the ground. In a split second the orc archer got smashed by a giant wooden hand, the warc kicked against a tree. The screaming of the surrounding trees was getting quieter, till it was completely still. The giant face of the ent appeared in her field of vision, only a small distance between them. As Bella tried to say something, only a cough and some blood came out. Pain rages from her chest and back through her body, blurring her vision. She could only hear the question of the ent like he was speaking into a pillow.
"Child, you are blessed by the goddess Yavanna. I will help you, take this chance and change your fated path. In return, I want you to take this with you. I want you to plant the hope of our race."
Gently he places a small object in her cold hand, she had clutched over her chest. She couldn't really see it, but what did it matter? Again she tried to speak. Another cough made her spit blood. Her vision went dark and she couldn't hear the last words of the ent. What did he mean, another chance?
~
'If I could just see his face one more time, I'll die a happy death. I am sure of it. All I want is nothing more but to hear you knocking on my door. I will give it my all to do better next time. All and everything of me.' She sends her silent prayers to Yavanna.
Strangely the memories of her first encounter with the grey wizard pops into her mind. The picture of a familiar hole formed in her head.
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
~
It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with paneled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill—The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another. No going upstairs for the hobbit: bedrooms, bathrooms, cellars, pantries (lots of these), wardrobes (she had whole rooms devoted to clothes), kitchens, dining-rooms, all were on the same floor, and indeed on the same passage. The best rooms were all on the left-hand side (going in), for these were the only ones to have windows, deep-set round windows looking over her garden, and meadows beyond, sloping down to the river.
~
A knock on the door made her look up from the book she was reading.
A guest? At this hour?
Slowly the small Hobbit stood up to answer the door.
„Dwalin, at your service." A dwarf. A dwarf on her doorstep.
A dwarf she knew a long time ago. A dwarf who died in battle, proudly swinging his weapon.
With a blank stare she scanned the dwarf.
‚Oh Yavanna, how cruel of you'
Another moment the hobbit stood in the half open door, slowly realizing what was happening. In her empty eyes a spark lit up, after a long and cold winter. A single teardrop ran down her cheek, breaking her numbness.
„You are alive?" she whispered under her breath.
Before Dwalin could react the small hobbit jumped at him, hugging the big warrior and sobbing at his chest.
A dream, it must be a dream. Maybe Yavanna granted her this dream to mend the crack in her heart. And even if it was just an illusion, she would be more than happy just to see them again. But still, for a dream this was kinda real.
Embarrassed, she separates herself from the confused dwarf, wiping away the tears.
"Please, do come in, supper is almost ready. Would you be so kind and leave your shoes near the door? What is with the others? Are they all coming?!" followed by an even more confused dwarf she headed to the dining room, seating him on the long table.
"Please wait a moment. I will have to empty my whole pantry to feed thirteen dwarves and a wizard. We also have to save some for Thorin, as he will be running late," Muttering to herself the hobbit lass vanished in the direction of the pantry, leaving Dwalin behind.
Another knock at the door announced the presence of an additional visitor.
"Master Dwalin, would you be so kind as to answer the door? I have my hands full."
Dazed, the tattooed dwarf stood up to answer the door. In the meantime Bella set the table and prepared some dishes that are easy and fast made.
"Evening, brother!" it echoes through the hallway, followed by the sound of two heads being banged together. A dwarf with a long white beard entered the dining room and bowed.
"Balin, at your service," he states.
"It is good to see you again, master Balin. Please bring the remaining food from the pantry over here. I will have to answer the door. Fili and Kili will help you move the table." She cleaned her hands on a piece of clothes and went to open the door for the two younger dwarves of the line of Durin.
"Fili and Kili, at your service!" both of them look so young.
Bella had to suppress another flood of tears, as she saw these two familiar dwarves. Before she could restrain the reflex, she hugged both tightly.
Hasty she let go, brushed her hair out of her eyes and wiped the tears away. To stop her voice from cracking she clears her throat.
"You can leave your shoes and weapons here. I will have to excuse myself to look after the supper," as she hurried towards the kitchen she scolded herself for reacting like this. They might think she was mad, or worse, unsociable.
Dwalin stopped the two irritated dwarf lads from shouting questions at their host by assigning some tasks to them. He even answered the door a second time, just to find the eight missing dwarves literally falling inside. Behind them, an amused Gandalf.
They were, as she remembered them, loud and not very well mannered. Yet as familiar as her own home. While the dwarves ate and drank, Bella was busy refilling the glasses and pints, restocking the empty plates on the table and keeping an eye on the portion she had saved for their leader.
Gandalf had watched the hobbit lass for the better part of the evening. She seemed to behave strangely, offbeat from the day before. Somehow she had become a different person overnight.
She didn't even flinch when they threw the dishes through the halls, only a slight smile on her face. Also she looked like she was glowing from time to time, nearly magical… Well, maybe he had made a mistake.
Gandalf wasn't the only one watching Bella. Dwalin, Balin and most of the company eyed the hobbit with curiosity and interest. How could she know about them?
They all went quiet as someone knocked at the door.
~
There he was. Standing on her doorstep as if this was their first meeting. Broad shoulders that looked like carrying the problems of the world. Sharp blue eyes that pierced through hers, dark hair with some braids. Sadly without the small bells Bella had gifted him.
"Gandalf… You said this place was easy to find. I got lost. Twice." Completely ignoring the host of this home Thorin entered the hobbit hole.
"So this is the hobbit?" His attention shifted to Bella, "tell me mistress Baggins, have you done much fighting? Axe or Sword? What is your preferred weapon?"
Bella watched him, unsure how to answer.
"Thought as much, she looks more like a grocer than a burglar. And a lass nonetheless…"
"If this is a joke, it is of very poor taste!" she angrily stares up to Thorin. The relief and disbelief turned into anger. With her finger she poked into Thorin's chest, ignoring how muscular he was.
"After all we went through? You think you can just cast that aside? Do you have no shame?! Do you even know how much I suffered? Just because you were too proud and stubborn to accept help," with every sentence she poked him again, urging him to take a step back.
"This wasn't funny the first time and it won't be…"
A whispered comment interrupted her angry speech. Bellas burning gaze found Bofur.
"Oh, so you think I am cute when I am angry? Well, get ready because I'm about to be GORGEOUS!"
The whole company flinched under the angry gaze of the little hobbit. As she turned around she found Thorin taking another step back.
"The wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves," he tried to allay her anger.
The gate broke and the tears were rolling down her face. Her anger had vanished and a sharp pain struck within her heart. This was no dream, no illusion or trick of her mind. Nor was she in Yavanna's garden. Something had happened to her. It wasn't them who were acting curious, it was her.
"This isn't possible." She took a step towards Thorin. Careful she touched his cheek, looking him doubtful in the eyes, as if he could vanish any moment right before her eyes.
"Y-you are okay?" she gasped quietly, one hand over her mouth.
"How in the world is this possible? By Yavanna, what is going on? No, this is wrong…" unsteady she took a small step back, then she fainted.