AN: Hi! Thanks so much for the warm reviews for this story so far. I didn't think anyone would be interested in reading it, but I'm so glad about the response it's gotten so far. Thank you!
I also just wanted to thank Whogirl42 specifically for taking the time to educate me on the nuances of gender. When I wrote this fic, part of the reason I hesitated posting was because I knew there was so much discussion to be had about gender, and I feared I wouldn't be able to justify all of that. I wrote off based on my personal experiences as well my experiences with friends, but I understand that there really is so much more to learn and to discuss about this topic.
For anyone who has thoughts about it- please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm open to hearing what you guys have to say and from learning from you. As I said, there really is a whole lot more to learn, and I'm happy to do so constructively.
For the record, Matthew is not transgender- just likes to be called Missy. I may be messing up my pronouns in the future chapters, but that's part of Addison struggles with it as well. There will be character development, I promise.
ANYWAY, this has been a sufficiently long Author's Note. I really just wanted to clear things up and apologize of anything about this story offends you. Please know it's not my intention. I just really want Addison and Derek to get together. lol. On to the story! Hope you guys still enjoy!
"Dr. Montgomery has a TTTS case admitted, she'll need an intern," Bailey said as she surveyed the interns in front of her.
Everyone started murmuring excitedly, knowing a TTTS was rare, and an excellent opportunity to learn. Miranda rolled her eyes.
"Yang, you're with Burke. Karev, with Sloan. Stevens and Grey, you can assist Dr. Montgomery."
"What about me?" George asked.
"You're with Shepherd," she said with finality. "Now go, everyone."
Izzie and Meredith grinned at each other as they made their way to the OB GYN wing. No interns had been assigned to Dr. Montgomery yet. She was far too busy acclimating to the merged departments. But now that she was a little more settled, she was ready to take on interns to teach. Izzie and Meredith were her first set.
"This is exciting," Izzie squealed. "I've read about her work."
Meredith nodded as she pressed the elevator button. "I've heard the chief talk about her, too. I mean, merging two departments and manning both of them at the same time? She must be pretty accomplished to take on such a thing."
The elevator doors opened and they both stepped in, Izzie pressing for the maternal floor. "And a TTTS? Gosh."
"Did you read up?" Meredith asked curiously.
"I didn't know we were gonna admit a TTTS," she replied honestly. "But I know a little. We should be fine."
"I hope so," Meredith said as the doors opened and they stepped off the maternal floor. "We don't want to make a fool of ourselves in front of the new attending."
Izzie nodded in agreement, walking in pace with Meredith and sighting Dr. Montgomery at the nurses' station perusing a chart.
"Dr. Montgomery," Meredith asked tentatively.
Addison looked up from her chart and nodded. "Are you the interns Dr. Bailey assigned to me?"
Izzie nodded, hoping she still looked professional even if she was brimming with excitement. "I'm Dr. Stevens. People call me Izzie."
"I'm Dr. Grey. Meredith Grey."
"So you're Meredith Grey," Addison replied, appraising Meredith with a smile but not elaborating. "It's nice to meet you. Both of you. I'm Dr. Montgomery."
Meredith smiled uncertainly as Izzie nodded.
"We have a TTTS in room 421," she said as she handed the chart to the interns. Izzie and Meredith both looked at the chart and turned the pages. "What does TTTS stand for?"
Izzie looked up, surprised at how quickly Addison was quizzing them. But Izzie was nothing if not eager. "TTTS means Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome."
"And what does that mean?" Addison continued to quiz as she started walking from the station, gesturing for the interns to follow.
"It means one twin gets more blood than the other," Meredith answered.
Addison nodded in approval. Derek sure knew how to pick the smart ones. "Which results to?"
"The donor twin can become hypovolemic and the recipient twin becomes hypervolemic," Izzie asserted swiftly.
"How does that factor into bladder development, Dr. Grey?" Addison continued as they walked towards the patient's room.
Meredith thought for a moment. "The donor twin being hypovolemic means the bladder can become underdeveloped."
"And the opposite is true for the recipient twin," Addison finished. "Very good."
Izzie beamed at Addison's praise and nudged Meredith, who only smiled. Addison noted Meredith's tempered excitement, wondering if she knew about her history with Derek. But she decided it wasn't her place to say, so she brushed the thought aside.
They arrived at the patient's room, and Addison knocked twice before opening the door. She smiled at her patient.
"Good morning, Julie."
"Good morning, Dr. Montgomery."
"I have Dr. Stevens and Dr. Grey here with me to assist in your case."
Julie nodded wordlessly, eyes moving from Izzie to Meredith.
"Dr. Stevens, present the case please."
Izzie nodded, taking the chart from Meredith's hands. "Julie Phillips, 38 year old, gravida 1, para 0, monochorionic pregnancy at 23 weeks age of gestation via last menstrual period. The patient is presenting with twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome diagnosed via ultrasound."
Addison turned to Meredith. "Dr. Grey, what staging system is used for TTTS?"
Meredith bit her lip nervously and shifted from one foot to the other. When she didn't answer, Addison raised a brow at her expectantly.
"Dr. Grey?"
"I… I'm not sure, Dr. Montgomery," Meredith answered apologetically.
Admittedly, the question was not an easy one. Addison knew it wasn't a must-know, especially for surgeons who weren't training to be obstetricians.
"Dr. Stevens?" Addison asked, turning to Izzie.
Izzie racked her brain for the answer but found she didn't know the answer either. She gave Addison an apologetic smile.
"We use the Quintero Staging System that goes from Stage 1 through 5, based on bladder size, heart function, and fetal viability," Addison said patiently. "You can read more about the staging later on, but Julie here is at Stage 2, which means the bladder of Twin A, the donor twin, isn't visible on ultrasound. Which means?"
"That the bladder is underdeveloped," Izzie answered knowingly.
Addison nodded. "Theoretically, how should we correct this?"
"The fetal blood vessels have to be separated," Izzie said, remembering a case study she had read in a journal once before.
Addison nodded again. "Very good, Stevens." Izzie grinned as Addison walked to the patient's bedside. "Julie, one of the twins is getting more blood than the other. And your last scan shows that the donor twin's urinary bladder isn't developing as well as we'd hope as a consequence of that. We'll have to wheel you into surgery as soon as possible in order to prevent progression."
"But what if we don't go into surgery?" Julie asked worriedly.
Addison sighed sympathetically. "The donor twin's growth will be slower—he'll be dehydrated and the amniotic fluid around him will decline. Meanwhile, the recipient twin will grow larger and faster, and the amniotic fluid around him will be too much. Either way is detrimental for both twins, and if we don't act early enough, you can lose them both."
"I've been told not a lot of surgeons can do this, Dr. Montgomery," Julie continued, the worry still etched on her face. "I had to fly all the way to Seattle to see you."
Addison nodded sympathetically. "I'll agree that it's a very delicate procedure, and not many surgeons can separate fetal blood vessels. But lucky for you, I'm one of eight in the world who can do this procedure, and I promise you we'll do everything we can for the baby."
Julie nodded at Addison assurance and cast her a grateful smile. "Thank you, Dr. Montgomery."
Addison smiled at her before turning to Izzie. "Schedule an OR for tomorrow. We'll do the surgery first thing in the morning."
Izzie swiftly nodded, noting Dr. Montgomery's compassionate bedside manner.
"Do you have any more questions?" she asked the patient.
Julie shook her head. "No, you discussed everything else and I've done a lot of reading. I'm ready for tomorrow."
"Well, if you have any more concerns, don't hesitate to have me paged and I'll come see you as soon as I can."
"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Julie smiled.
"You're welcome," Addison replied as she turned to step out of the room, the two interns in tow.
Once outside, Meredith closed the door behind her and followed Addison back to the nurses' station. Addison held her hand out for the chart so she could write down some notes.
"You two can go and read up about the procedure," Addison said. "Have her OR scheduled and do pre-ops tomorrow. And then you can both scrub in."
"Really?" Izzie asked excitedly.
Addison nodded. "You both did well today. But I'd like to see you know more about the procedure and the staging. I'll ask you again tomorrow," she smiled.
Izzie and Meredith nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Meredith answered appreciatively. Izzie's excitement had rubbed off and her and she found she was looking forward to working with Dr. Montgomery and scrubbing in on her surgery.
"You're welcome, doctors," Addie smiled. "Now go. Don't let Dr. Bailey catch you slacking."
Meredith grinned and Izzie chuckled as they both nodded and turned towards the elevator. It was definitely going to be an exciting day tomorrow.
That evening, Meredith was on the bed with her textbook splayed out while Derek brushed his teeth.
"What are you studying for?" Derek asked around his toothbrush.
Meredith looked up from her book. "I'm scrubbing in on a case tomorrow with Izzie. We just want to be extra prepared."
"You want to impress your attending?" Derek teased.
"I don't think there's any shame in trying to impress this particular attending," Meredith replied with a shrug.
Derek rushed to the sink to spit and rinse, and then leaned on the doorframe of the bathroom, watching Meredith read her book intently. "What are you scrubbing in for anyway?"
"A TTTS case," Meredith answered without looking up. "I was assigned to Dr. Montgomery's service today. She's the new head of neonatal. I didn't think she'd be so talented but wow. Do you know how many people know how to do what she does Derek?" she asked, finally looking up from her book.
Derek stopped and looked straight at Meredith. He shouldn't have been surprised Meredith was going to be working with Addison soon. By the looks of it, it didn't seem like Addison had given anything away.
Sighing, he pushed himself from the doorframe and walked towards the bed. "Only 8 people in the whole world can do what Addison does," he said as he sat on the bed.
Meredith's brow furrowed at the use of her first name. "You know Dr. Montgomery?"
"Everyone knows who Addison Montgomery is," Derek replied, "but you can say I know her on a more personal level."
"Did you go to med school with her? She seems about your age," she observed.
Derek shrugged. "She skipped two grades so she's actually two years younger than me, but she did go to med school with Mark and I."
Meredith bit her lip. "Do you have any tips for scrubbing into her surgery? I was excited, I mean, I still am. But I'm also pretty nervous. She looks like she could be a tough one."
"Was she tough on you today?" Derek asked curiously.
She shook her head. "No, she was actually pretty nice. But she's serious about teaching, and I don't want to disappoint her… or embarrass myself in front of her."
Derek pursed his lips in thought. "Just… do what you're already doing. She likes to quiz, and if you answer well, she'll actually let you assist."
Meredith grinned gratefully. "Thank you," she said as she leaned in for a quick peck on the lips.
When Meredith pulled back and took her attention back to her book, Derek bit his lip in contemplation. Should he tell her now? She was bound to find out somehow, and it would be a complete disaster if she found out from someone else, most of all Addison herself. Although he knew Addison was too classy to say anything, he just couldn't take the risk.
With a quiet sigh, he spoke. "If you really want to get into her good graces, you can bring a cup of hot chocolate tomorrow before the surgery. That's good luck."
Meredith paused before she turned her head curiously towards Derek. "How do you know that?"
Derek shrugged. "I knew her pretty well," he answered vaguely.
"Pretty well as in….?"
"As in we dated," Derek answered after a pause. "Addison and I dated."
Meredith stared at him for a second before she ear-marked her book and then closed it to give Derek her full attention.
"You dated Dr. Montgomery," she stated flatly.
Derek nodded wordlessly, watching Meredith with careful eyes.
"Was it… serious?" Meredith asked apprehensively.
"You could say it was serious," Derek replied, unable to find words to say just how serious it was. Not yet anyway. Meredith was a smart girl. He was sure they'd get to that conclusion by the end of their conversation.
Meredith contemplated this before she nodded slowly. "When you told me you only had one serious relationship… it was with Dr. Montgomery wasn't it?"
Derek sighed and nodded. "Yes, it was with Addison."
Slowly, she nodded. "Were you together a long time?" she asked quietly, gradually understanding who Addison was in Derek's life but not yet getting the full picture.
Knowing there was no way around the question, Derek nodded. "We started dating our first year of med school. We broke up right after residency."
Meredith's eyes widened. "Oh. That's a… really long time," she replied, suddenly feeling a little smaller than she did 5 minutes ago.
He exhaled slowly. "Ten years."
"Ten years," Meredith repeated dumbly. "That is definitely a long time." She was quiet for a moment as she let the new information sink in. Her boss was her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Said ex-girlfriend was gorgeous and intelligent and immensely accomplished. And she was going to be scrubbing into her OR tomorrow.
Derek stared at Meredith, waiting for her reaction. He didn't want to volunteer any more information until she had fully digested what she just heard. He should have jumped in early to reassure her that there was nothing to worry about. That Addison was the past, and Meredith was his present, and he had moved on. But somehow it didn't feel right to do it just yet. Even he was still reeling from Addison's sudden reappearance in his life, and he didn't want to give Meredith any false reassurance that there was absolutely nothing in terms of feelings for the redhead when he hadn't even sorted that out yet.
"Why did you guys break up?" Meredith asked finally, her face a mixture of curiosity and worry.
"I wanted to do my fellowship in Boston and she didn't want to move from New York. She had gotten into her first choice fellowship, so did I… and neither of us were willing to compromise."
"Oh."
"We agreed that at the stage of our lives we were in, our careers were first priority, and neither of us would have been happy about compromising. If I stayed in New York, I wouldn't have been happy. And if she moved down to Boston with me, she would have been miserable. And I don't know… I guess we just loved each other enough to let the other be happy. We didn't want to stand in the way of the other's dreams."
Meredith nodded slowly. "Yeah, but 10 years? You let 10 years go for a fellowship in Boston?"
"Brigham and Women's Hospital was a huge thing for me," Derek replied shortly. "And Weill Cornell was a huge thing for her. It wasn't an easy decision. We had a lot of long, difficult conversations about it before we decided to part ways."
"So that's why you never had a serious relationship after her," Meredith deduced smartly.
"What do you mean?" he asked, brow furrowed in confusion.
"I mean, you guys didn't break up because one of you was unhappy, or one of you cheated or whatever. You guys wanted to stay together but you didn't for your careers. I think I can understand why that was difficult to get over," Meredith replied.
Derek nodded. "I guess you're right," he said, realizing Meredith was indeed correct. He did want to stay with Addison. Heck, he wanted to marry her. Parting ways was more out of necessity rather than a lack of love or trust for her. In his years in Boston, he still yearned for her, and hoped to reunite with her after his fellowship was done. But the timing was just never right.
"But you're over her now, right?" she asked tentatively, eyes searching Derek's for some reassurance.
Derek sighed. "Meredith, it took a while, but I think I can safely say that I'm over her," he said, hoping he sounded convincing. "Besides, she was married and just went through a divorce. We've both moved on."
Meredith pursed her lips and then nodded. "Okay."
"But there's something else you need to know," Derek said. Meredith looked at him expectantly, and then he exhaled slowly. "Addison and I… we were together for a really long time. We went through so much—medical school, internship, licensure exams, residency—everything."
Meredith nodded, eyes on the blanket as she listened to Derek.
"Mer, you should know that Addison and I… we were engaged for a while. I proposed, and she accepted. We were in the middle of planning our wedding when we broke up."
"Wait, what?" Meredith asked, head whipping up to look at Derek in confusion. "You were engaged?"
Derek nodded in confirmation. "We broke off our engagement when we got accepted into our fellowships."
Meredith was flabbergasted, unable to form any words as the fact that her boyfriend was engaged tried to sink in. Her boyfriend. Derek Shepherd. Was engaged to be married. To none other than Addison Montgomery. Her boss.
"I um…" Meredith spluttered. "I… you never told me you were engaged," she said, still in shock.
"It just never came up," Derek tried to justify, but the justification sounded flimsy. There were many opportunities in the past that he could have told her. He just wasn't keen on sharing that bit of information.
"It never came up," Meredith repeated dumbly. "Derek!"
"I know, I know! I'm sorry," he said as he tried to placate her. "I didn't think it was important—"
"You didn't think it was important?" she repeated in disbelief, not sure if she was angry or frustrated or disappointed. How could Derek not think it wasn't important for her to know that he had a fiancé?
Derek sighed. "I didn't think I'd ever run into her again. At least not in any significant capacity. I didn't think she'd show up in Seattle and start working here."
"Derek…"
"Look," Derek said as he took Meredith's hands in his. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. But honestly, there's nothing to worry about. You and I are together. She just got out of a marriage. We've definitely moved on."
"Isn't it convenient that she moved here, where you are, right after she divorced her husband?" she countered suspiciously.
Derek sighed. "She and I are friends. We haven't been in contact in a long time, but she's in contact with all my sisters, and the three of us- me, Addie and Mark, were practically inseparable in med school. But her moving here, where I am, where Mark is too, is purely coincidental. Richard offered her a position, she needed a change, so she took it."
"Richard knows her too?"
"We all trained under Richard," Derek answered swiftly. "But like I said, we've moved on. We're just friends. That's it. There's nothing to worry about, Mer."
"I can't believe this," she said, sounding slightly panicked. "I'm working with my boyfriend's ex-fiancee. This is… straight out of a soap opera."
"It's not that bad," he tried to reassure. "Addison is great at what she does, and I think you'll learn a lot from her. She's tough, but she's passionate, and if she sees you're willing to learn, she'll teach you everything she knows. Just…" he held her hands firmer between his. "Meredith, I know it's a lot to take in. I understand that and I'm truly sorry. But Addison and I are ancient history. You don't want to compromise your learning just because you decided to hate her for being my ex."
"I don't hate her," she said defensively, taking her hands back. "But I'd have appreciated it if you'd told me sooner. She's been here an entire month, but you never once mentioned it to me. You could have just been like, hey Mer, that new attending in town? She's my ex, but don't worry about it, it's cool. But you had to wait until the very last minute to tell me, when I won't have the time to process and to school my emotions around her."
"Mer…"
"And for the record, I know she's a brilliant surgeon, and I don't plan on compromising my learning as a physician simply because she's your ex. But like I said, you could have told me sooner."
"I know, that's my mistake. And I'm sorry," he conceded. "But can I just assure you that there's nothing to worry about? First of all—you're brilliant yourself and you've got tomorrow's OR in the bag. Second, Addie and I, we're friends. Just friends. There's nothing going on between us, even if we were engaged. And third—I'm here. You have me. Didn't I already tell you I wasn't serious about anyone until you came along? That's got to count for something."
Meredith stared at Derek for a moment before she sighed and nodded. "Fine."
Derek pulled her in for a hug. "I'm sorry."
She sighed again in response. "I'm not gonna say it's okay, because it's absolutely blowing my mind right now that you were engaged once, and your ex fiancée is working with us. But I think it'll be okay."
"Thank you," he murmured into her hair.
"Thank me tomorrow," she said as she pulled back. "Right now, I have to study. Can't make a fool of myself in front of your ex."
"Dr. Montgomery, I read up on the Quintero staging last night like you said," Izzie said as she stood next to the attending in the scrub room. The three of them, with Meredith, were already starting to scrub in for surgery.
Addison nodded in approval. "And what did you learn, Stevens?"
"Stage I is polyhydramnios in the recipient twin, and oligo in the donor twin. Stage II is basically Stage I, but without a visible bladder, like Julie Phillips is right now."
"Good," Addison replied as she soaped all the way up to her elbows. "Dr. Grey, what about Stage III?"
Meredith turned to look at Addison, feeling equal parts nervous and jealous as she assessed the older surgeon. When she didn't respond immediately, Addison raised a brow.
"Dr. Grey? I asked you a question."
Meredith shook her head and then exhaled slowly. "Sorry. Stage III is Stage II plus a doppler abnormality."
"What kind of doppler abnormality, Dr. Grey?"
Meredith tried to rack her brain. She was sure she read about it the night prior, but she was feeling especially distracted today as she stared at Addison.
"Um… the artery… the umbilical artery I mean, has reverse or absent flow," she managed.
"What about the ductus venosus? And the umbilical vein?" Addison asked, eyes still on Meredith as she rinsed the soap from her hands.
When Meredith took a moment longer to answer, Addison turned to Izzie. "Dr. Stevens?"
"Reverse flow in the ductus venosus or pulsatile flow in the umbilical vein," Izzie answered swiftly, obviously studying especially hard for today's OR.
Addison nodded approvingly as she took a paper towel to dry her hands. "And Stage IV, Dr. Stevens?"
Izzie shot Meredith a concerned look as they both grabbed a paper towel, and then proceeded to answer Addison's question. "Hydrops fetalis in either fetus."
"Dr. Grey, Stage V?" Addison asked as they walked into the sterile OR.
"Fetal demise of one or both of the babies," Meredith answered with an exhale. At least she knew Stage V. She mentally kicked herself as the nurse assisted her in gowning and gloving before following Izzie and Addison to the table where the patient was already sedated.
Addison stood at the patient's right side. "Dr. Stevens, in front of me please. Dr. Grey, here beside me."
The interns followed her instructions. For a brief second, Addison looked up at the gallery, noting that it was full. Miranda was there, so were Richard and Preston. To her surprise, Derek was there too. Addison noticed Meredith saw the same thing and then smirked a little before she proceeded.
"All right, Grey. What do you call the procedure we're about to perform?"
"Fetoscopic laser photocoagulation," Meredith answered as she watched the orderly push an ultrasound machine near the patient.
"And the goal of the procedure?"
"To map the fetal blood vessels and get rid of abnormal connections," Meredith replied.
Addison nodded, taking the ultrasound probe and handing it to Meredith. Meredith looked between the probe and Addison.
"Dr. Grey, find me a spot to insert the trocar."
Meredith was surprised Addison was letting her in hands on so soon, but she gratefully accepted the probe and then proceeded to locate a position between the two fetuses. Addison watched, impressed.
"All right, Grey. Keep your hand steady with the probe," Addison said as she asked for a ten blade to make a small incision on the patient's abdomen. When she was satisfied, Addison asked for the trocar.
"Dr. Stevens, insert the trocar. Be gentle," she said.
Izzie excitedly took the trocar from the scrub nurse, and with Addison's guiding hand, she successfully inserted it all the way into the uterus. Izzie was grinning underneath her surgical mask.
Addison's eyes were trained on the screen projecting the image from the ultrasound Meredith was holding. She watched carefully as the trocar was inserted just between the two babies and was facing the placenta. She then asked for the fetoscope and then inserted it into the trocar.
As the fetoscope was inserted, everyone's eyes turned to the monitor where the small camera's images were being projected. Izzie almost squealed at the image of the womb and the clear picture of the two babies inside. Meredith herself was awestruck.
After a quick check of the babies, Addison proceeded to systematically examine the vascular pattern on the placental surface. She worked seamlessly to locate the abnormal connection, and allowed Izzie to maneuver the fetoscope to check the vessels herself.
In the gallery, people watched in subtle fascination at the procedure. They had had few minimally invasive in utero procedures at SGH, and even less TTTS surgeries since they didn't have a doctor capable of the procedure. But with Addison in town, such complicated surgeries could easily be accomplished, and Richard sat proudly in the gallery as he watched his star.
Meanwhile, Derek's eyes shifted between a nervous Meredith and a very confident Addison. Addison had truly grown in skill. He had always known she was remarkable in the OR, her gentle and adroit hands matched with her fierce determination and her unparalleled intelligence were sure signs of success in anything she set her mind to. But he wasn't around to see her through fellowship, hadn't seen the additional skills she had acquired after training in OB GYN, so the realm of fetal surgery in the hands of Addison Montgomery was entirely foreign to him. He found he wasn't the least bit surprised that she was just as proficient as he remembered. This was the first OR she had had in SGH that he watched. He had been curious, of course, and wanted to sit in as Mark usually did. But he didn't think it was right. Today was the perfect excuse to do so, with Meredith assisting and the entire staff of SGH buzzing with news of a minimally invasive fetoscopic surgery.
Addison's eyes were sharp as she noted the abnormal blood connections, taking the time to teach the interns what it was she was looking for exactly and why. It was a learning experience not just for the interns, but also for everyone in the gallery as the video from the fetoscope could clearly be seen even from their vantage point.
She deftly maneuvered the laser to ablate one of the erring blood vessels before she guided Meredith to ablate one and then Izzie another. Soon, they were finished with the procedure, with Addison allowing the interns to close up and giving them instructions for post-op monitoring. The surgery was a success.
From the gallery, Derek grinned with pride. His eyes met Addison's briefly, and she smiled back before going to the scrub room to scrub out. Meredith saw the brief exchange but shook it off and concentrated on the closing the patient. When the task was done, she and Izzie made their way out to the scrub room where Addison was just about done scrubbing out. Izzie was buzzing with excitement.
"Dr. Montgomery, that was amazing. Thank you for letting us assist," she exclaimed.
Addison nodded with a smile. "You're welcome. You both studied well, and you both did good in the OR today."
"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Meredith replied, a mixture of excitement and gratitude and nervousness and suspicion coursing through her, not exactly sure how to feel. She had now seen first hand how immense Addison's skill was, and she couldn't help but feel a tad bit insecure about it.
"Make sure to get a CTG q4 please," Addison instructed as she stepped out of the scrub room to start on her OR technique.
Meredith's eyes were trained on the spot Addison had just vacated, feeling her stomach weigh uncomfortably.
"Meredith, are you okay?" Izzie asked, eyes narrowed. "You have this look. Like you're constipated or something."
Meredith looked appalled. "Excuse me?"
Izzie shrugged. "You just look like you're not 100% focused, and it's been on since we were scrubbing in. You sure you're okay? Did you and Dr. Shepherd have a fight?"
"We didn't have a fight," she answered swiftly, not wanting the entire hospital to know just yet that her boyfriend has the most amazing ex-girlfriend on the planet.
Izzie eyed her a moment longer before she shrugged. "Well, I'm gonna accompany the patient to post-op. How about you help Dr. Montgomery with the paperwork?"
Meredith groaned inwardly but nodded and made her way to the station where Addison was busy typing her OR technique. Addison, even in her scrubs and her hair bunched under her scrub cap, looked so impeccable, it was unjust. Meredith had seen her around the hospital dressed in her usual skirts and stilettos, and she always thought Addison looked like she had just stepped off the runway. No one was allowed to look that good and be that smart all at once. It just wasn't fair. If dating an attending wasn't bad enough for her self-esteem (she found she constantly compared her skill with Derek's, an action that often frustrated him because they were obviously at different stages of their careers), seeing the girl he used to date and knowing she was damn near perfect just made her feel so small.
Sighing, she walked over to Addison and stood awkwardly by her side.
"Can I help you with anything, Dr. Montgomery?" she asked.
Addison looked up from her work and noted Meredith standing right next to her, hands in her scrub pockets. "I'm good for now Dr. Grey," she smiled.
"Can I get you anything? Coffee maybe?"
"Dr. Grey, I'm not that kind of attending. You might be used to it, because I know some attendings do that to their interns. But that's not my style," Addison replied kindly as she resumed working on her post-op notes.
Meredith bit her lip and then nodded. "How about some hot coco? I heard you like hot coco," Meredith countered, unable to control herself. When Addison paused, Meredith wanted to kick herself in the butt. Here we go.
Slowly, Addison's head turned towards her again, a thoughtful look on her face as she examined Meredith's half-mortified, half-expectant expression.
"Hot coco?" Addison questioned curiously, an amused look on her face.
Meredith licked her lips and exhaled slowly. "I just… heard," she finished lamely.
Addison continued to stare for a moment before she nodded. "I see he's finally told you," she answered casually before turning back to her paperwork.
Meredith blinked before she nodded. "Derek told me," she said.
Addison shut the chart with a quiet click and then turned to Meredith with a smile. "Derek's a great guy, Meredith. You're lucky to have him," she replied.
Meredith bit her lip. "Dr. Montgomery, he said that you guys were engaged," she said, not knowing where her audacity was coming from. "And I know it's none of my business but—"
"Dr. Grey," Addison said, cutting her off with a short sigh. "Yes, Derek and I were engaged," she confirmed. "But there's no need to mark your territory. He and I are just friends."
Meredith flushed at Addison's words, mildly embarrassed that the redhead knew exactly what she was trying to say without even knowing the words for it yet. She was marking her territory, or was going to, but was still trying to figure out the most respectful and tactful way to do that to her superior. But she took Addison's statement and nodded nervously.
"Thank you," she managed shortly.
"Make sure I get updated on Julie's CTG readings," was Addison's response before she gave Meredith one final look and left the OR complex.
"Can the earth swallow me now or what?" Meredith said by way of greeting as she dumped her purse on the seat next to Cristina. They were at Joe's getting drinks after a long day.
"What happened to you?" Cristina asked, eyeing Meredith from head to toe.
Meredith plonked down unceremoniously on a seat and then groaned. "The world hates me."
Cristina pursed her lips and then shrugged. "Not getting any from McDreamy?" she asked as she popped a peanut into her mouth.
"No," she sighed, burying her face in her hands. "It's much worse than that."
"Didn't you assist on that TTTS today?" she asked as she chewed on another peanut. "Did that not go well?"
"No, it went well," Meredith said with a shake of her head.
"Damn, I would've wanted to assist on that case," Cristina said as she poured them each a shot of tequila. "So what gives?"
"You know Dr. Montgomery?"
"McHot?" Cristina asked. "She's a damn Rockstar. Even Burke mentioned she did so well on that TTTS case today."
Meredith groaned. "The earth hates me," she repeated as she took a shot of tequila.
Cristina's brow raised judgmentally. "What's up with you?"
"Dr. Montgomery, apparently, is my boyfriend's ex."
"Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Shepherd?" Cristina asked in surprise. And then after a thought, she shrugged. "I'm not surprised, I can see the chemistry."
Meredith shot her a disapproving look. "Not helping."
Cristina shrugged in response. "They're exes, so what?"
"Not just exes," Meredith corrected with a shake of her head. "Ex-fiancee."
"Oh," Cristina replied with a frown. "That sucks."
"I need the earth to swallow me."
Cristina rolled her eyes. "Why? It's not like they're together now."
"Have you seen Dr. Montgomery?" Meredith asked in disbelief.
"I have," Cristina replied looking nonplussed.
"She's beautiful, she's brilliant, and she is so freaking nice, I can't even."
"What's wrong with that?" she asked, genuinely confused. "Don't tell me you're insecure, Meredith. It's not a cute look."
Meredith frowned. "I don't know."
Cristina snorted and then took a shot of tequila. "Meredith, get over it. We are way too old to be jealous. McDreamy wants to bang that? Whatever. You move on and you find someone else. But it's not like either of them have given any indication that they're here to… rekindle," Cristina said, leaning on the last word with a bit of disgust. "So, you know, just chill."
Meredith sighed and then poured herself another shot of tequila. "She better not get her manicured hands on my McDreamy," she announced before taking another shot.
If one case wasn't enough, Meredith felt like she had royally offended the gods that be because after the TTTS case, she was assigned to Addison's service more than any other intern was. She knew it was an honor to learn from such an accomplished surgeon, and she had been reassured over and over again by Derek that there was nothing to worry about, but she felt distinctly uncomfortable working with the redhead.
She was immensely kind, taught whenever she could, and was extremely patient with her when she didn't know the answers to her questions. Meredith initially thought she was only being nice because she was Derek's new girlfriend, but comparing notes with the other interns only revealed she was just as lovely with the others. It was unsettling, and Meredith had to chide herself more than once because she knew there was no reason to be unsettled. She was honestly learning a lot from Addison, and was enjoying working with her too. But she couldn't shake off the feeling of being microscopic next to her.
"Grey, get a rush on these labs and then page me when you get them," Addison instructed as they made their way out of a patient's room.
Meredith nodded and took the chart Addison had handed to her. "Is there anything else you need?"
Addison took a moment to think before she shook her head. "Just page me when you get the results."
Meredith nodded curtly and then walked the other way. Addison watched her leave, thinking not for the first time that Meredith was pretty slow to warm. She was unlike her mother, who Addison had learned from as an intern. Ellis Grey was professional and determined, but she was warm too. Addison got the sense that Meredith wasn't warming up to her in the way she'd like.
But before she could dwell on it any further, she turned to the nurses' station to find Derek reading through a chart. He was in his scrubs and white coat, his dark hair perfectly styled in waves Addison thought looked glorious on him.
Addison sighed. "Hey," she said as she stood next to him.
Derek turned his head and then smiled. "Good morning, Addie."
"Good morning," she greeted back as she pulled out another one of her patient's charts. "What brings you to the maternity floor?"
"Fields paged me for a consult. You have a patient with a pituitary macroadenoma who just wanted a second opinion on surgery."
Addison nodded. "So it has nothing to do with a certain intern being assigned to my service?" she asked knowingly.
Derek's brow furrowed before comprehension registered on his face. "Meredith is assigned to you today?"
"Yup. You got yourself a good one, Shepherd," she complimented sincerely.
"Yeah?" Derek smiled back.
"She's smart, she's hard working, rarely complains," Addison said in praise. "You sure know how to pick them."
Derek smiled faltered a little as he thought about the awkwardness of Addison saying those words. In another life, there would be no need for such a comment. But he shook the thought away and nodded. "You guys did great on that TTTS the other week," he answered instead.
Addison shrugged as she pulled out the pen from her breast pocket. "All in a day's work."
"Meredith is lucky to be learning from the best."
Addison chuckled at that. "You're a flirt," she answered, giving Derek a pointed look.
"I'm not a flirt," Derek answered defensively. "Just being honest. You're a great teacher, Addie."
"Thank you," Addison replied gratefully. "I was thinking of branching into academe, actually. Before the divorce, I'd been offered a teaching position at Columbia."
Derek frowned. "You turned it down?"
"I hadn't said yes yet. I was going to. And then Matthew dropped that bomb on me and I couldn't think straight enough to take on any more work."
"I'm sorry," Derek said sincerely. "It must have been hard."
Addison pursed her lips in thought before she turned her head to look at Derek honestly. "It was hard. It is hard. But I've been through harder things," she said meaningfully.
Derek swallowed. "Addison—"
"I'm sorry, that was out of line," she said with a shake of her head. "It's just been a rough couple of months. I don't know where my head is at these days."
"You seem to be holding up well, to be honest," Derek commented, although his eyes were full of concern.
"There's been a lot of work," she pointed with a sigh. "Work keeps me busy, which I really appreciate."
"So you haven't seen much of Seattle yet?" he questioned.
She shrugged. "Haven't even unpacked most of my boxes. I moved into an apartment like two weeks into arriving, but I have boxes that haven't been touched yet. I've only been to the hospital, Joe's, and my apartment. That's about it."
"We should change that then," he answered. "Mark and I can show you around Seattle."
"Thanks, but I'll have to pass for now," she said apologetically. "There's just so much work at the hospital—I didn't realize there would be so much paperwork. Maybe when things settle down, I'll take you up on that offer though," she continued with a hint of regret.
"Do you need any help with those boxes? Mark and I can help," Derek volunteered.
Addison thought about the offer for a moment. "I might actually take you up on that," she said lightly. "But you might want to ask Mark if he's up for it. You know him and heavy lifting."
Derek chuckled. "Oh yeah, that time we moved into that apartment in the Upper East Side?"
"And Mark pulled a muscle carrying the couch up the stairs? Yeah. I don't think he'll want to relive that."
"That depends. Is the couch still in your possession?" he asked with a smirk.
Addison rolled her eyes. "Even if it was, I wouldn't have hauled it all the way to Seattle. There are couches here."
"Yes, and might I say the couches here are a lot more fashionable than your very ugly, very heavy futon couch?"
"Don't diss the couch," she said warningly, but she was chuckling as she spoke.
Derek grinned. "Well, just let me know when you want to do it, and we can schedule it," he said.
"I will," Addison answered gratefully.
Derek smiled and then took the chart he was holding, starting to walk towards the patient's room. He stopped midway and turned back to Addison.
"Addie?"
Addison turned around to face Derek. "Yeah?"
"Meredith knows," he said quietly, taking the few steps back to Addison so they were just about a foot apart.
Addison's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"She knows… about the two of us…"
Understanding dawned on Addison's face before she gave him an amused smile. "I know she does, Derek."
"I know. It's just… isn't it awkward?" he asked, shifting from one foot to the other.
She knit her brows again in question. "Why would it be awkward?"
Derek shrugged. "I mean, you and I have a lot of history. And my girlfriend is working with my ex and it's just… Meredith probably thinks it's weird."
Addison nodded slowly, trying to wrap her head around his point. "Well, if you're asking me if it's awkward for me, then the answer is no. You know me, I'm perfectly professional."
"I know that," Derek asserted.
"But it's awkward for you, isn't it?" Addison asked knowingly, an amused smile on her face. When Derek didn't answer, she chuckled. "Derek, it's fine. We're friends. She has nothing to worry about, you have nothing to worry about."
Derek let out an exhale. "So we're friends?"
"Derek, we're friends," she reiterated with a confused smile. "It will only be awkward if we let it."
He sighed. "You're right. I guess I just thought it would be weird."
She nodded in understanding. "I know, me too. I thought it would be weird working with you again. But I think we're doing pretty well in the friends department."
"We are," he agreed.
"So, do we have a problem?" she asked curiously, eyeing Derek with a hint of concern.
He shook his head and then smiled. "No, we don't have a problem," he said with certainty.
"Good," Addison answered with a nod.
"Good," he repeated, before he chuckled and then gave Addison a semi-awkward hug. "Thanks, Addie."
"No problem, Derek," she smiled.
He turned around to leave, but before he could take another step, he turned back towards Addison and planted a chaste kiss on her cheek.
"I really am glad to have you here," he said sincerely, flashing her a smile and then finally walking towards his patient's room. Addison only shook her head.
AN: So that's February. We've met Meredith, and we've started this whole awkward thing between her, Derek, and Addison. Thanks for reading this far! Stay safe and take care!