AN: HI! I'm back with Chapter 4: April. Thanks so much for the lovely reviews you guys left for March. That chaotic dinner scene was one of my favorite things to write, and I know that it sounds so self-indulgent, but I've never laughed so hard while writing until I wrote that scene. I swear I wasn't on crack but I may as well have been. lol.
Anyway- here's the next chapter. We get a bit more of Addison and Derek interaction, plus a side of jealous Meredith. Enjoy!
A chart dropped right in front Addison's central vision as she stood at the nurses' station checking her emails. She startled out of her thoughts and looked at the chart, and then at the person who had dropped the it.
"I need a consult," Derek explained with a grin, leaning on the station and gesturing to the chart.
Addison's brow furrowed. "Well, hello to you too, Derek," she greeted sarcastically.
Derek looked sheepish then. "Sorry. Hello, Dr. Montgomery. I need your expertise for a patient I have," he replied politely, flashing her a dreamy smile and a wink.
Addison shook her head but took the chart and opened it.
"34 year old patient, 31 weeks pregnant. Has a brain tumor in the pituitary pressing on the optic chiasm," he explained.
"What kind of tumor?" she asked as she scanned the chart Derek had given her.
"It's likely a benign meningioma based on the scans, but it's compromising her vision."
"Can the surgery wait until after the baby is born?" she asked, looking up from the chart to meet Derek's eyes.
"To term?" Derek asked.
"We can push steroids now and deliver in a week," she said. "The baby will be preterm but the chances of survival are high."
Derek nodded. "We can wait a week," he said contemplatively. "Do you think I can excise and she can still carry to term?"
Addison pursed her lips. "That could be an option, but that's two surgeries in a span of about 5 weeks. It's gotta be a C-section after a major brain operation."
Derek crossed his arms and shifted his weight. "So you deliver and then I excise in the same OR?"
Addison shrugged. "It's been done before. But I think you can let the patient decide what she wants, lay out her options for her. You know, shared decision making."
Derek nodded in agreement. "Will you come with me to see the patient?"
"Will there be coffee involved?" she asked with a raised brow.
"There can be coffee involved," he answered cheekily.
Addison chuckled. "Okay, just let me finish this email and then I'll walk with you."
Derek smiled gratefully and patiently waited for Addison to wrap up her email. She pocketed her phone and then took the patient's chart.
"Ready," she announced, slipping a stray strand of hair to the back of her ear.
He watched her tuck the hair, noticing she had hair up in that half ponytail he always loved on her. It always made her look classy and beautiful and wow he wasn't going to go there right now. He inwardly scolded himself before he cocked his head towards the direction of their patient's room, matching Addison's pace as he led her to the elevators.
"Thanks for doing this, Addie," he said as they walked.
"It's not a problem, Derek," she smiled. "I have some time on my hands. My next surgery isn't for another two hours."
"I guess I caught you at a good time," he replied as he pressed the elevator button, turning his head to her and grinning.
She nodded thoughtfully. "I guess you did."
Derek checked his watch briefly, noting that it was nearing the end of their shift. "You still have surgery in two hours?" he asked with a little confusion.
"It's just a D&C so it should be quick. I really need to get home tonight and unpack the boxes Sav shipped out."
"You need any help with that?" he asked as the elevator doors opened and they stepped in. It was just the two of them, and he was thankful to be away from prying ears.
She shrugged. "It's just a bunch of clothes I left behind. She boxed them up from the brownstone before Matthew sold it. I think I can handle it."
"Matthew got the brownstone?" he asked, a little surprised.
"It was a wedding present from his grandfather," she explained, eyes watching the numbers at the top of the elevator signaling their floor. "I think it was only natural it would go to him."
"And what did you get out of the divorce?" he continued curiously.
"You mean aside from a weird reputation and a whole lot of heartache?" she responded dryly.
Derek shrugged, frowning. "I'm sure you guys had a lot of mutual assets," he answered. There was a twinge of something in his chest—discomfort maybe. Addison's family, Bizzy and Archer in particular, were especially critical of his modest upbringing. Matthew came from old money, and Derek was sure that was more Montgomery approved. Then again, his mother had issues with Addison's 25 million dollar trust fund and thought she didn't know what hard work meant, so money was unfortunately an issue to both their families. Too much or too little. Never just enough.
"We signed a prenup before we got married," Addison explained. "So my assets before we got married stayed in my name. It just got complicated with the property."
"He got the brownstone," Derek repeated expectantly.
Addison nodded. "I got our vacation home in the Hamptons and an apartment we bought in the Upper West Side overlooking Central Park."
"He let the apartment go?" he asked in wonder. An apartment with a view of Central Park was definitely worth millions for sure.
She shrugged. "I guess he felt bad about the divorce that he gave it all to me. I didn't protest because by then, I just wanted everything over with. He could have taken everything for all I cared. The whole process was just exhausting."
"I thought you said it was fast," he remarked as the elevators opened and they stepped off on the floor of Derek's patient.
"The divorce proceedings were fast," she agreed, "But they weren't painless."
"I'm sorry, Addie," he said sincerely, hating how a brief flash of hurt had crossed her features at the thought. He didn't mean for her to relive all of that.
She shook her head, waving off his apology. "It's fine. I'm getting better at talking about it. And I like having someone to talk about it." She paused, and then, "It is okay that I talk to you about it right?"
Derek considered this for a moment before he nodded. He was quick to reassure her that he could be that friend, even if some part of him still felt discomfited at the thought of Addison being married to someone else.
"It's fine," he answered, walking in pace with her. "Between the hours you keep and the time difference, I'm sure Savvy isn't always a viable option."
She looked at him skeptically before she sighed. It was nice to have someone to talk to, but if she could help it, she wouldn't burden anyone, least of all Derek Shepherd, about her worries.
"Or Nancy or Naomi," she continued. "Not even Archer would care to listen to all of this. Montgomeries look the other way, he would say, which is ironic considering he had the biggest laugh of anyone when everyone found out Matthew was gay."
Derek chuckled, thinking of the arrogant ass that would have been his brother-in-law. "Sounds like Archer had a grand time."
"At my expense," she pointed wryly. And then sighed. "Really though, it's fine. I'm moving on."
"I'm glad to hear it," Derek said just as they arrived at the door of their patient's room. He gave her one last smile before he knocked twice and opened it.
"Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Jackson," Derek greeted as he walked into the room. "I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Addison Montgomery, our head of Obstetrics, and the OB on board for your case."
"Good afternoon, Dr. Montgomery," Angela Jackson greeted back.
"Good afternoon," Addison echoed with a smile. "Dr. Shepherd here has requested that I weigh in on your case."
Angela nodded. "We found out about the tumor last week, when I was driving and couldn't see anything in my peripheries," she explained. "Dr. Shepherd has advised surgery, but we're worried about the baby."
"Dr. Shepherd also said there's a chance the pressure in her brain might go up," her husband, Luke continued. "We assume that means the surgery has to be soon."
Addison nodded. "I took a look at your chart before coming up here, and Dr. Shepherd has filled me in. Your pregnancy has been uneventful before this, right?"
Angela nodded again. "This has been the biggest scare yet," she managed to smile nervously.
"Dr. Montgomery and I have discussed your case, and we agreed that you have options," Derek explained kindly.
"You're at 31 weeks right now. Your baby is completely viable. If we administer steroids to push the baby's lung development, we can deliver in about a week's time via C-section and Dr. Shepherd can remove the tumor in the same OR."
"Or we can excise the tumor now, monitor the baby throughout the procedure while we remove the tumor, and then deliver via C-section when you reach term," Derek added.
"Both options have their risks," Addison continued to explain. "While 31 weeks is viable and has a more than 90% chance of survival, there may still be complications. If we wait to term, you'll be undergoing two major surgeries in a span of 5 weeks, which could be taxing on your body. Besides, we can't guarantee you won't go into preterm labor during the brain surgery."
"On the other hand, if we perform both surgeries in one day, the risks are high too," Derek supplied smoothly. "That's more blood loss, and less time to assess for deficits."
Angela and her husband looked between Addison and Derek as they took turns explaining the procedure. While they were discussing very important details about her options, she couldn't help but notice how the two surgeons nearly finished each other's sentences. It was obvious that they got along very well.
"At the end of the day," Addison continued kindly, "the choice is yours. We want you to make an informed decision based on what you're both more comfortable with."
"Wow, you guys must work together a lot," Luke commented, catching Angela's knowing eye. "It's like you rehearsed your lines," he said with short chuckle.
Addison and Derek exchanged a glance before they both shrugged self-consciously.
Derek smiled awkwardly and then cleared this throat. "Dr. Montgomery is an excellent doctor. She does very risky procedures and has an amazing track record. If there's anyone I trust to hold the other scalpel with me in that OR, it's her," Derek said.
Addison tilted her head in curiosity at Derek's generous compliment, not sure it was called for at this point. But she shrugged it off and she turned back to the Jacksons. "We've worked together a couple of times," she said by way of explanation.
Angela gave a bemused smile. "Are you guys dating or something? Because I sense a lot of chemistry between the two of you," she said. "And that's not the tumor talking."
Addison's expression was halfway between a grimace and a grin, and Derek only chuckled nervously.
"Any which way," Angela continued, "I guess that bodes well for us. I'm sure doctors who get along work better together."
Derek coughed in surprise and then chuckled nervously. "Do you have any questions about your options?" he asked, steering the direction of the conversation back to the issue at hand.
Angela looked up to her husband and they exchanged a pensive glance. "I'm not sure I want to deliver preterm," she said, rubbing her belly.
Addison nodded. "That's understandable, Mrs. Jackson."
"If I get the tumor removed first, you'll still be in the OR, right Dr. Montgomery? Just in case?"
Addison smiled at her reassuringly. "I'll be there to monitor both you and the baby. At any sign of fetal distress, we'll deliver. We can push the steroids even if we don't intend to deliver, just in case you go into preterm labor."
"I guess looking at it another way, excising the tumor first can give you a few weeks rest before delivering the baby," Derek commented.
Luke glanced at his wife before addressing the doctors. "I'm sure Dr. Montgomery is a great doctor and will do her best for the baby if we do the C-section with the tumor removal. But I think two surgeries is too much for Angie's body, and my heart," he said with a nervous hint in his voice.
"So you'd like to remove the tumor first and then wait to term?" Derek confirmed.
Luke and Angela exchanged a look before they both nodded. "I think that's the option we're most comfortable with," Luke replied.
Derek glanced at Addison, who nodded. "Well, that's settled then," Derek responded with a smile.
"We'll push a dose of steroids for the baby's lungs today and tomorrow, and then Dr. Shepherd can schedule the OR for the day after tomorrow," Addison said.
"And you'll be there in the OR, right Dr. Montgomery?" Angela confirmed anxiously.
Addison smiled at her kindly. "I will," she assured. "If you have any further questions, feel free to page me or Dr. Shepherd."
Derek nodded in agreement. "If that's it for now, I'll go ahead and book the OR."
"Thank you, doctors," Angela and Luke said simultaneously.
"We really appreciate it," Luke continued with a grateful smile.
Addison moved to the door, and Derek had his hand on the small of her back. "It's not a problem. Page for us anything," he said as they exited the room.
Outside, Derek closed the door behind him and led Addison to the station so they could write their orders. Addison leaned casually on the counter as Derek started to write.
"Can you write mine too?" she asked, peering over his shoulder to read what he was scribbling.
"I'm not your intern," he said jokingly, but he nodded anyway. He could never say no to Addison Montgomery. "Okay, go."
"For transabdominal ultrasound and CTG," Addison dictated, watching Derek write down what she was saying. They used to do this all the time in internship, sharing notes and having one write the other's orders. "Administer Betamethasone 12mg intramuscularly, at 8:00pm tonight, and then 24 hours after. Total of 2 doses."
When Derek finished both his and Addison's notes, he signed at the bottom of the chart and then handed Addison his pen for her to sign. She double checked that Derek had indicated patient consent and put in instructions for the OR, noting that Derek's penmanship was exactly as she remembered it to be, before she signed her name next to Derek's. There was so much nostalgia attached to that simple gesture, it made Addison dizzy.
She was wistful for just a moment. When they were engaged, Derek used to whisper in her ear that pretty soon, she would sign her name as Addison Shepherd. They both always got such a kick of out that. But that was a lifetime ago.
"Thanks for helping me out, Addie," he said, interrupting her thoughts.
Addison nodded, shaking off the memory and then smiling at him. "Let me know if anything changes," she replied. Her pages beeped at that moment. Addison hastened to check it and then sighed. "I need to take this," she said apologetically. "Rain check on coffee?"
Derek nodded. "No problem," he answered. "Good luck with that."
"Thank you," Addison grinned gratefully before turning around to head to the elevators. Some things were just too nostalgic to bear, and she was glad for the excuse to go. Between Derek and Matthew, she was just constantly reminded of how alone she was where she shouldn't have to be at this point in her life.
Two days later, Addison was scrubbed in and settled on Angela's right side while Derek gingerly operated on her brain. Izzie was the intern assigned to Addison that day, and she was scrubbed in right next to her. Coincidentally, Meredith was the intern assigned to Derek, and she was also scrubbed in.
Derek was doing a trans-nasal approach, with Meredith standing across him and assisting.
"Dr. Grey," Derek said, eyes not lifting from the surgical field. "What visual field cut are we expecting from a lesion in the optic chiasm?" he asked. Meredith may be his girlfriend, but it wasn't an excuse for special treatment. He quizzed just as much as Addison did, and in fact had higher expectations for Meredith than any other intern. Meredith was smart. Derek knew he could easily answer his questions.
"Bitemporal hemianopsia," Meredith answered swiftly, knowing the answer because it was what the patient initially presented with.
"And if it was in the optic tract?" Derek continued, hands delicately trying to maneuver the tumor.
"Homonymous hemianopsia," she answered again correctly. Derek nodded in approval, lifting his eyes for second to convey it. Meredith was very smart, there was no doubt of it, and he felt a swell of pride every time she answered correctly.
There were moments of silence as Derek continued to work wordlessly, the only sound filling the OR being the steady thrum of the baby's heart beat from the fetal monitor. Addison's eyes were glued to the monitor.
"What if your patient presented with a visual field cut in the in the upper left quadrants in both eyes?" Derek asked. "Where is the lesion?"
Meredith thought for a moment, eyes drifting to Addison who wasn't paying attention to them. When her hesitation took her a moment longer to answer, Addison looked up from the monitor almost expectantly. Derek looked up too, frowning.
"Dr. Grey?"
Feeling the need to impress, Meredith answered. "The dorsal optic radiation," she said.
Addison blinked once, and then twice, and proceeded to look back at the monitor. Beside her, Izzie wasn't paying attention to Derek and Meredith, her eyes transfixed on the fetal heartbeat.
Derek shook his head. "The dorsal optic radiation will result in a visual field cut in the lower quadrant, not the upper," Derek replied. "Try again Dr. Grey."
Meredith felt a wave of embarrassment course through her, suddenly nervous at having answered wrongly in front of Addison. Not that she hadn't stuttered in front of Addison before, because she had in the previous times she'd assisted the redhead. But something about having Derek there made her want to impress, to show Addison Derek had chosen an intelligent girl. They always made Addison appear to be smart and outstanding, and she felt the need to compare. In retrospect, Addison wasn't even paying any attention to her, and was resolute on monitoring the baby. But her nervousness got the better of her, a misplaced sense of wanting to prove something.
When Meredith didn't answer, Derek shot her a curious look and then cleared his throat. "Dr. Stevens?" he asked, startling Izzie who had been sitting mindlessly next to Addison.
Izzie stuttered in surprise, not having studied this the night prior because she knew she was on Addison's service. She pulled out her obstetrics book and reviewed neonatal resuscitation, not the visual pathway.
"I, um…" Izzie spluttered, thinking of the merits of reasoning that she wasn't on his service but deciding against it. McDreamy was known for being hard on his interns too, especially those that made excuses. "I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd," she settled contritely.
Derek sighed, slightly disappointed by the interns on the case. "I don't suppose Dr. Montgomery knows the answer," he said off-handedly, eyes back on his surgical field and deftly maneuvering the tumor.
There was a pause, and then, "A pie in the sky—and you said left upper quadrant- is a lesion in the right Loop of Meyer," she answered without batting an eyelash, and without taking her eyes from the fetal monitor.
Izzie looked at her feet and Meredith frowned. That was definitely the correct and complete answer. Laterality mattered with the brain. Derek shook his head in amazement. Addison had always retained information well—it wasn't beyond her to still know her neurology even if she was elbow deep in amniotic fluid.
"Which innervates the what, Dr. Montgomery?" Derek asked, testing her teasingly. He was unable to help it. He could argue and say this was to show interns how it's done, but really he just wanted to show her off. Besides, if Addison asked him about anything of a woman's reproductive parts, he doubted he could answer, so it definitely was not how it was done.
Addison rolled her eyes then. "Dr. Shepherd, maybe you should ask your interns."
When Meredith gave Derek a blank look, he answered. "Looks like you'll have to answer, Dr. Montgomery."
"Not that this is my specialty, Dr. Shepherd," she started with a groan, "but if you must know, the Loop of Meyer innervates the… inferior ipsilateral part of the retina," she continued as she racked her head to avoid confusing herself with the dorsal optic radiation, "which serves the upper contralateral wedge of vision. So, pie in the sky," she finished, not once taking her eyes off the monitor.
"That's impressive Dr. Montgomery," Izzie whispered to her. "I'm an intern. They say interns should be, you know… pluripotent. I should know all of that but there's just so much information to take in."
"Don't be too hard on yourself," Addison reassured, offering her a small smile. "It comes with practice."
"I doubt you've been practicing the visual pathway with pregnant women," Izzie answered dryly.
"You have to know a bit of it. Pregnant patients come with all sorts of complaints. You should at least know a little about every specialty so you know what you're working with. So you order the right tests, request for the right consults, and decrease delay in treatment."
Derek heard what Addison had said and then chuckled. "You really are something else, Addison."
Addison shrugged. "I scrubbed in on an occipital lobe tumor resection when I was an intern," she said. "Baker quizzed me about the pathway the entire time. It's kind of hard to forget after you've been grilled relentlessly by your attending."
"Man, Baker was notorious," Derek answered, still working on the patient. Meredith just held on to the suction quietly. Addison- 1. Meredith- 0.
Addison nodded. "I remember you scrubbed in with him so many times because you were trying to get into neurosurgery even though you hated his guts."
"You do what you have to do," Derek chuckled at the memory. "But I'll admit his notoriety pushed me to read more."
"Ugh, I remember," Addison answered with disdain. "Your Fundamentals of Neurosurgery was tattered and torn by the time internship ended. You gobbled the entire thing like turkey on Thanksgiving."
"I seem to recall your Williams Obstetrics was in the exact same state," he countered, although if he was being honest, all of Addison's books were worn because she read obsessively. "And then in residency, I bought so many neuro books and you used to bitch about how they were crowding our apartment."
Addison rolled her eyes. "They were taking up space for my shoes," she argued, not noticing the way Meredith and Izzie exchanged looks at the direction the attendings' conversation was going.
Meredith was looking distinctly uncomfortable, and Izzie just shrugged. It was harmless reminiscing, right?
"You never wore those shoes anyway," Derek responded. "We were in sneakers all the time, it was impractical to own so many pairs of Manolo Blahniks."
Addison grinned. "I'm surprised you remember your designers."
Derek chuckled. "Yes, you taught me to spot a Louboutin from a Jimmy Choo, and it's information that is fundamentally useless to me now but I know it anyway."
"You can add that to your resume," she answered cheekily as she kept her eyes on the monitor.
"Mark can add it too," he replied, continuing his ministrations on the patient and gesturing for Meredith to suction. Meredith shook herself from her thoughts and tried her best to concentrate on the operating field. "Dragging the both of us to your shopping sprees didn't just teach me."
"I think Mark was paying more attention to the sales attendants than the shoes I was buying," she remarked flatly.
"I think so too," he conceded. "Remember when one of the sales attendants at Gucci ended up being his patient?"
"The one with who wanted a boob job?" she asked, brow furrowed.
He shook his head. "No, the one with the rhinoplasty."
Recognition dawned on her face. "Ah. That one. That wasn't a sales attendant from Gucci. That was the lady who owned the bakery we were getting our wedding cake from," she said without really thinking about it. And then when she realized what she had said, she looked sufficiently embarrassed.
Meredith's head whipped up to glance at Addison, and then at Derek, who had this weird look in his eyes that she didn't recognize. Izzie's eyes were also darting between the attendings, Addison now quiet and Derek continuing his work without response.
And then after a moment, Derek replied. "Too bad Mark never got to see her again," he said lightly, but the meaning was clear. Mark never got a round with her because there was no cake. And there was no cake because there was no wedding.
Addison bit her lip under her mask and then shook her head. "Yeah, she baked really well. The vanilla raspberry chiffon cake she let us try was divine."
"That, it was," Derek agreed lightly, turning his head to glance and Addison, eyes crinkling in a smile and then finishing up with the surgery.
If Addison was embarrassed by the mention of their none-wedding, she recovered from it quickly. She was an attending. This was her OR. And she and Derek were allowed to have shared memories together. She wouldn't admit it was a memory that was equal parts lovely and bittersweet, but she would insist she was allowed not to skirt around their history. If Meredith had a problem with that, she could take it up with Derek. But as far as Addison was concerned, even if she didn't want to cause trouble between Seattle Grace's golden couple, AddisonandDerek was a real thing, albeit in the past, and it would be a great disservice for them both to completely ignore it. Meredith could take it.
Derek closed up, instructed Meredith to accompany the patient to post op while Addison instructed Izzie to order a CTG once the patient was transed out.
Derek scrubbed out, Addison leaning against the sink as he did so.
"Not that I feel there's any point in hiding the fact that we were together, but I'm sorry if that was awkward."
Derek smiled at her with a shake of his head. "It wasn't awkward," he assured. "Awkward was having to validate your skills in—"
"Okay, let's not relive that, shall we?" she cut him off. She paused, and then, "I don't want to rub it in Meredith's face. She doesn't seem to be my biggest fan."
Derek shrugged, feeling his heart ache yet again at what could have been but he plastered on a reassuring smile. "It's fine, Addie. We were together for 10 years. That's a fact. You can't put a filter on that, and I don't think we should."
Addison nodded slowly. "Is Meredith gonna be okay?"
Derek sighed. "She's a big girl. Don't worry about her. I'll talk to her about it."
Addison smiled. "Thanks, Derek. You did great in there," pride evident in her voice.
"Yeah?" he asked curiously. "I seem to remember it was you who memorized pie in the sky and pie on the floor."
Addison rolled her eyes at his teasing, and then she turned serious. "You really did good, Der."
He was surprised by the seriousness in Addison's tone, and then he softened when he realized what she meant. He met her gaze then. "Thank you, Addie."
"I mean… I can see now that… Boston was the best choice for you," she said slowly, like she was choosing her words with care. "You wouldn't have grown in skill at the rate you did anywhere else, and if anything, I'm really proud of you," she said sincerely, finally admitting that Derek staying in New York wouldn't have allowed him the same opportunities. Back then, she thought New York was the center of excellence for nearly everything, but she realized now that it wasn't.
His eyes turned sad then, a rueful smile on his lips as he sighed.
"I know it wasn't… it wasn't what was ideal for our relationship," she continued, "but seeing you work today, I know you made the right decision to prioritize your career. You're amazing, Derek."
"Thank you," he said around the sudden tightness in his throat, looking at Addison for a moment longer before he pulled her in for a short embrace. He kissed her temple and then pulled away before he could allow himself to revel in her nearness.
He was touched by the sentiment, but he felt a familiar ache in his chest that only Addison Montgomery could cause. He often doubted his move to Boston at the expense of their relationship, but hearing Addison validate that choice both lifted him up and trampled him down in a way that was hard to explain. If it wasn't clear before, it was definitely clear now—there was still so much that needed to be said between them.
Meredith wasn't very pleased with the conversation the entire OR had heard. If there was any doubt before, there was none now- Addison and Derek had a rich history, and both of them were only too happy to share in the memories. And if there was any doubt about the rumor that Addison and Derek were previously engaged, it was definitely confirmed now, too. Meredith was certain the entire hospital was abuzz with what the would-be Shepherds had talked about, and she wasn't exactly jumping for joy at that.
"Vanilla Raspberry Chiffon Cake, huh?" Meredith commented flatly as she and Derek got ready for bed that night.
Derek sighed. He was sure Meredith wouldn't let the topic go. He had been waiting all evening for her to bring it up, but she kept silent and waited until they were behind closed doors for her to do it. "Meredith."
"Must have been a glorious cake," she continued with an edge in her voice. "Was it any good?"
"Meredith, don't."
"Don't what?" she answered as she pulled the covers from the bed.
"Don't make such a big deal out of it," he said tiredly.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Like it wasn't bad enough that I embarrassed myself when I didn't know the answer to your question," she said, even though it wasn't Derek's fault that she answered incorrectly. "But of course she knows the answer, because apparently Dr. Baker grilled her so she would never forget."
"Mer—"
"And of course she just had to bring up your wedding cake. Derek, in what world is that okay?"
"She didn't mean it to make you uncomfortable," he defended. "It just naturally came up."
Meredith groaned. She should have known he would come to her defense. "And you just had to be the good guy and agree that the cake was good."
It was Derek's turn to roll his eyes. "First of all, the cake was good. Second of all, I am not getting into an argument with you over a cake."
Meredith huffed petulantly. "It was a wedding cake. Your wedding cake."
"A wedding that never happened," he replied exasperatedly. "I don't know what you want me to say, Mer. Addison and I were engaged. It's a fact you're going to have to accept. We were together for 10 years, we have a lot of history, and yeah, sometimes those memories will resurface, as memories usually do. But she and I are friends, and there's nothing going on between us. You don't have to be so upset over the mention of a measly cake."
Meredith glared at him before getting into bed and staring straight ahead. She hated how she was turning into this jealous mess. She always thought of herself as level-headed, if a little dark and twisty. The situation with Addison and Derek was bringing out the worst in her, and she hated it.
Derek stared at Meredith and then sighed in exhaustion. "Meredith, it's just a cake. Do you really want to get riled up over something so trivial?"
"It's not about the cake, Derek," she answered.
"Then what is it about?"
"You know what it's about," she replied, not looking at him. Her ears were burning and her head was throbbing. She knew she didn't have to bring this up to begin with. She could have been the bigger person and let it slide. But somewhere inside her was an immense need for validation, for reassurance from Derek. And she hated that. She didn't need that kind of validation from someone else, least of all another man. Perhaps she and Addison were similar in that way.
Derek felt like he aged 10 years more in the last five minutes. "What exactly am I doing wrong here, Mer?" he asked, feeling drained of all his energy. "I was upfront to you about my relationship with her. I never go behind your back when I see her outside of work. And we're strictly professional at the hospital. I'm not swooning, I'm not pining, and I am right here, aren't I? If I wanted her, I'd be there with her. But I'm not. I'm with you, right here, right now."
Meredith sighed and then turned to look at Derek's face. He looked so tired, and she felt guilty for needling him and letting her insecurity bubble up. She wasn't this person. She was usually so understanding and patient, and she often gave people the benefit of the doubt. Feeling contrite and tremendously shallow, she offered him an apologetic half smile.
"I'm sorry. You're right. I'm getting riled up over something so small," she said, patting the bed and gesturing for him to come.
Tiredly, he slipped in under the covers and allowed Meredith to settle so that her head was resting on his chest. Absently, he ran his fingers through her hair, not sure he had any more energy to argue with her.
There was a long tense silence between them, Meredith's head still on his chest, and his hand absently running his fingers back and forth.
"For the record," she said finally. "I hate raspberries. So you can tick that off the potential list of cakes for our wedding."
If Derek was feeling a little more awake, he would have panicked at the mention of marriage. Their relationship was still so fresh—far from thoughts of marriage. But he was so drained that he didn't bother arguing the point. Instead, he just nodded. "That's noted, honey."
Tax season brought way too much paperwork on Addison's table, she was barely even home for 4 hours straight before she had to be back at the hospital. She went into the hospital 2 hours earlier than when she had to be there just to have a few precious moments to sit down undisturbed to work on the mountains of paperwork she had to accomplish. And in between patient consults and scheduled surgeries, she had emergency surgeries, meetings, and teaching rounds that by the time she got back to her office, it was 9pm and she still wasn't done leafing through her papers.
Briefly she considered buying a more comfortable couch for her office. It just seemed like the most practical decision at this point since she was rarely home anyway. And the 4 hours she was home was spent plopped down on her bed fast asleep and dead to the world—if she managed to fall asleep at all. Sometimes she tossed and turned despite being dead tired. But she argued against buying a couch for the office, knowing that wasn't the kind of life she wanted to live. She didn't want to be that doctor who spent all her hours at the hospital, even living at the hospital, as if nothing else mattered in life but work. So even if her daily drive to work took 20 minutes each way, and she often battled between keeping her eyes open or her mind shut, she adamantly decided to bolster through and go home as many nights as she could manage. Besides, the current couch in the office gave her a horrible crick in her neck, and her soft bed with the thousand count Egyptian cotton sheets sounded divine and too enticing to pass up.
But by the middle of April, she was dead tired, basically a zombie walking in the hospital, desperate for a moment or two alone where she wasn't being paged for a mother with late decelerations or a baby in the NICU crashing. She had snapped at her interns, at the NICU nurses, and at the labor and delivery nurses out of sheer exhaustion. But she couldn't bring herself to feel guilty because all that was in her mind was that she freaking tired.
Mark was on call one night and saw Addison creeping into her office at 4am, way before her shift was supposed to start. He figured right there and then that she was overworking herself, and henceforth occasionally brought her coffee and food just so she wouldn't starve herself to death. Addison was a workaholic, but Mark was 100% certain it wasn't healthy for her at this point. He knew it was just a ploy to keep her from facing the real world, the one where she's not fully in control and her emotions are unsorted. But trying to convince her to take a break was fruitless. So he decided to call for back up.
And that was how Derek found himself in the gallery of Addison's surgery, ready to swoop in for an intervention the moment her surgery ended. From where he stood, Addison was the same calm, collected and focused surgeon. Her hands still moved with precision, adroit, all too used to the adrenaline rush of cutting. But beneath all of that, as Derek looked closer, he saw her shoulders slouched just little, her eyes dull and with dark circles accumulating under them. He was worried about her, considerably at that. Overworking was Addison's way of dealing with things—they were alike that way. He was exactly the same after he and Addison broke up. And it broke his heart to see her drive herself to the point of exhaustion when she shouldn't even have to.
Well, not that working two departments was making her predicament any easier. He was positive the bureaucracy that came with all of that was enough to drive anyone to insanity. Addison was just too poised to allow herself defeat.
When Addison threw her last stitch and gave her final instructions to the resident assisting her, Derek hastily made his way to the scrub room to catch her. He caught her just as she was drying her hands off, head whipping to the door as it opened hurriedly, startling her.
"Derek?" she asked, confused by the urgency in his movement and the slight panting of his breath. "Are you okay?"
Derek took a moment to steady himself and then, "Addison, you're coming with me."
Puzzled, her brow furrowed at him in question. "Is everything okay?"
He shook his head resolutely. "No, everything is not okay."
"You're scaring me. What's wrong?"
Derek sighed, fixing Addison a meaningful look. "Have you eaten anything today?" he asked.
Addison seemed perplexed for a moment before realization dawned. She quickly schooled her features. She knew exactly what Derek was up to. "Derek, I'm fine."
"You're not fine," he insisted firmly. "Come with me. We're going to have lunch, a leisurely one, and then we're going to talk."
"Derek. It's nice of you and Mark to look out for me, but really this is unnecessary," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm okay."
Derek sighed. He should have known it would be a herculean effort to convince Addison. "You're tired. You look like you haven't slept in days. You have surgeries back to back on the board, and Mark told me you were at the hospital at 4 in the morning on a day you weren't supposed to be here until 9. So you can kick and scream on the way, but you will come with me regardless."
Addison looked stunned for a brief moment, checking to see just how serious Derek was. At his unyielding gaze, she sighed. "Derek, I have papers in my office that I need to finish."
"Addison, it's 5pm. You don't have any more surgeries scheduled today. Your secretary told me you had a banana and coffee for lunch. The papers can wait."
She rolled her eyes at that. She would have to talk to Lucy, her secretary, and remind her not to talk to Mark or Derek. "I'm fine," she insisted again.
"Please?" he asked, tone softening in the way he knew she couldn't resist. That was a dirty tactic, but he was willing to play dirty if it meant she would acquiesce. It was for her own good anyway.
Addison looked at him again, mind involuntarily flashing back to all those times in residency and internship that they had done exactly that—convince the other to take a breather. And if Derek was willing to go out of his way to stage an intervention, then it must count for something. She softened, and reluctantly nodded.
"Fine, Derek. But not too long, okay?"
He nodded, relieved that she had agreed, and then took her by the hand, leading her to the cafeteria where they each got a coffee and muffin. Derek pulled two bottles of water for good measure, knowing Addison tended to forget to hydrate, and then led her to the elevators and punched a floor button. Addison was too tired to question or pay attention to where she being brought, just followed him straight up to a part of the hospital she had never been to.
When they exited the elevator, Derek pried the emergency exit open with his shoulder, hands occupied with coffee cups, revealing Seattle Grace's best kept secret—the roof deck.
Immediately, a gush of cold spring air hit them in the face, the sun low on its course. Addison's eyes widened and then she stopped in her tracks, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, the fresh air and the warm sun a welcome change from the drab hospital corridors she frequented these days. Derek turned to check why she had stopped walking, and was greeted with a sight he hadn't seen in ages. Addison, in her dark blue scrubs, red hair down, eyes closed, the light hitting her features and making her look ethereal. His breath hitched for just a moment.
When Addison opened her eyes, she immediately met Derek's gaze and smiled. Letting out an exhale, she took the few paces to stand right on front of him. "I feel better already," she said gratefully.
Derek grinned at her. "You haven't seen the best part yet," he said, cocking his head to signal for her to follow him. She did so without question, trusting Derek so explicitly until he led them to what he knew was Addison's weakness.
"Viewfinders!" she exclaimed excitedly as she caught sight of them. She couldn't believe it, and she turned to Derek with a big, excited grin. "I love viewfinders," she breathed.
"I know you do," he told her with a wink, feeling his heart instantly lighten at the joy on Addison's tired face. He should have brought her here sooner.
Addison walked to one of the viewfinders. Derek handed her a quarter and she slipped it into the slot before taking in the view of the city. She hadn't been out much, and this was her first view of the city from up high. It probably wasn't the best view—she knew the Space Needle probably had a sublime one. But this was more than she'd seen in the four months she'd been in the city, and she promptly felt better.
Derek watched her take in the view, moving the contraption to see Seattle from an entirely different angle. He had to smile. Addison loved cute little viewfinders in every city she's been to. The ones in Manhattan were abundant, and any time they came across one, she had to stop and take a look. He used to tease her that those things were dirty, and she could get pink eye from getting too close, but she always pointedly ignored him by slipping a quarter into the slot.
When Addison was done, she stepped back with a wide grin and let Derek lead her to a bench where he laid out the coffee and muffins. She took a seat right next to Derek, taking one of the muffins he offered.
"Thank you, Derek," she said as she accepted, smiling up at him radiantly.
"Banana walnut, your favorite," he answered.
"You remember?" she asked, surprised.
"It's kind of hard to forget when you ordered the same thing for breakfast at the cafeteria for ten years."
Addison chuckled. "I guess I like to be predictable."
He nodded in amusement. "Just like how it was so easy to predict you'd love the viewfinders up here."
"I do love it here," she answered honestly, giving him a meaningful look before tearing off a piece of her muffin. "Thanks for showing me this spot."
Derek smiled at her and then took a sip of coffee, gesturing for her to take another bite of the muffin.
"These are the first viewfinders I've found in Seattle," she said in between bites. "Not that I've been out much. But New York was definitely not lacking."
"That's true," he agreed. He could clearly picture them brown bagging it at the Empire State Building just so Addison could de-stress with a view of the city. "I know this one doesn't compare, but it seems it gets the job done," he continued, noting the way Addison seemed just a little brighter now than after her surgery.
Addison sighed contentedly. "The one in the Rockefeller Center is my favorite."
Derek's brow knit in confusion. "Really? I could have sworn it was the Empire State."
"It's not," she answered, taking a sip of coffee. "You don't get to see the Empire State when you're on the Empire State," she explained. "The one in the Rockefeller Center gives you the most sublime view of Manhattan, including the Empire State. Plus it's a lot less touristy."
Derek thought about that and then gave a short nod in concession. "You have a point."
"I know my viewfinders," she said knowingly, laughing a little.
They ate in comfortable silence, Derek kept glancing at Addison regularly to see if she was eating. She had lost a lot of weight since coming to Seattle, and he was concerned she wasn't eating well. With Addison's skillset in the kitchen, it was likely. But it still wasn't right. She was allowing work to consume her, and while he understood the importance of work perfectly, he also didn't feel like it was healthy any more.
He chalked up his worry to friendly concern—Addison was one of his best friends, and she needed someone to look out for her while she was new to the city. He ignored the little voice in his head that told him it was more than just friendly concern. If it was, he'd have done what Mark was doing and just sent food and coffee to her office. But of course he had to go out of his way to time his intervention perfectly after her surgery, and take her to a spot he knew she would love. He had put thought into it, and that definitely was more than just friendship.
"What time does your shift end?" he asked after a few moments.
Addison shrugged. "Whenever my paperwork is done," she answered, not meeting Derek's eyes.
He shook his head disapprovingly. "Addison, you're not a workhorse. You need to go home and you need to rest."
"I rest in between surgeries," she said defensively. "Honestly Derek, I'm fine."
"Addie, you're not," he replied with finality. "You look like you haven't slept in days. And when was your last decent meal?" When Addison didn't respond, he sighed. "When's the last time you spent more than a few hours at your apartment?"
She shrugged, still not looking at Derek. "I just need to get all the paperwork done before the tax deadline this month, and then I can breathe a little."
"You're not answering my question though," he pointed gently. Diversion and avoidance were some of Addison's defense mechanisms. She was confrontational and unafraid most of the time, but she had other tactics that were part of her armamentarium.
There was a pause as Addison lowered the uneaten portion of her muffin, staring at it with a pensive expression on her face.
"I can't fall asleep sometimes," she admitted quietly. "My mind runs a million miles a minute, and even when I'm so tired, I can't sleep because it just won't stop."
Derek looked at her sympathetically. "What do you think about?" he asked softly.
She exhaled slowly. "A lot of things. Work. My patients. Triple checking if I scheduled my residents fairly for the week. The divorce. Matthew. It's just a bunch of things, you needn't concern yourself with them, Derek," she said apologetically.
"Addie, I think it would help if you unload some of what's on your mind. I'm here, and I'm willing to listen."
Addison shifted her gaze from her muffin to the horizon, noting the sun still shining. And then she turned to take in Derek's earnest expression, his face full of concern. She gave him a tired smile but didn't say anything.
"I think," Derek started, "that you're burying yourself in work so you don't have time inside your head," he said knowingly. "But take it from me, Addie—you keep repressing those thoughts and it will only make things worse." Wow, good going Derek! You should definitely take that advice too.
"You sound like Kate," she remarked dryly.
He shrugged in response, ignoring the voice in his head telling him he was being a hypocrite. "Doesn't make it any less true. You need to confront those thoughts or else you'll run yourself to the ground." He knew that from experience. He repressed so much of his thoughts of Addison when they broke up, buried himself in work, and only ended up worse for the wear.
Addison considered his words for a moment before gave a short nod. "I guess I am running a way a little." Or a lot, but she didn't have to admit that.
Derek gave her a soft smile. "Addie, your patients are fine. The paperwork will sort itself out—that's why you have a secretary. And your merged department is operating smoothly. You can tick all of those things from your list of worries."
She nodded slowly, eyes back on the half-eaten muffin and looking immensely pensive.
When she kept silent, Derek softened even further. "You're thinking about Matthew, aren't you?" he said, his tone tender.
She shook her head. "Not Matt, per se," she answered with a hint of trepidation. "It's the divorce. I just didn't expect to be here at 37, you know? I've kind of lost my direction, and just thinking about how to steer myself in the right course is making my head hurt. So I work—hard—so that I can forget about the things in my life that aren't exactly very organized right now. At least I have a semblance of control over some parts of my life."
Derek nodded, feeling his heart go out to this amazing, beautiful and driven woman who didn't deserve to be so blindsided by life. You'd think growing up in a household that wasn't short on money was enough to make her want for nothing. But money, he learned, wasn't the end all, be all of life, and Addison had been dealt with some bad cards too. She had an adulterous father, a cold-hearted mother, a string of nannies who took care of her, and a brother who loved her but was crass and arrogant and lacked the warmth Addison craved. Nothing was within her control in her formative years—with the captain making her lie to her mother, Bizzy dictating every single outfit, extra-curricular, and emotion Addison was allowed to have, and Archer leaving her often for his friends. And that made her latch on to the things she could control.
"Addie, you don't have to have everything figured out right now," he told her. "You're allowed to just be."
"I can't slack off, Derek," she answered disapprovingly.
"It's not slacking off," he argued. "It's knowing your limitations and acknowledging them. And also allowing life to unfold on its own. You don't have to have everything under control every single time."
"I don't know that I do well with limitations," she said dryly, scrunching her nose up in distaste. On any other day, she would be the first to argue vehemently that limitations did not exist to Addison Montgomery. But she knew he already knew that and there was no need to elaborate.
Derek chuckled. "I know," he answered. "But also—you don't have to carry everything on your own. That's why you have friends, a support system. You're allowed to ask for help."
"I don't do well with asking for help either," she said, chuckling slightly.
"I know that too," he smiled. "You need a lot of prodding, but look what prodding has done. I got you out of your office, eating a muffin, drinking some coffee, and getting a good view of Seattle. You need friends, Addie."
She lowered. "I don't have a lot of that here," she answered plaintively.
"You have Richard, and you have Callie and Miranda and Izzie. Even Preston is your friend—I can't even say that for myself," he admitted. "You have friends here," he confirmed.
"Yeah but… it's not the same as having Savvy and Weiss, or Nae, or even Nancy and Kate and Liz," she replied.
Derek frowned. On the outside, Addison was a woman of steel- formidable, always put together. To everyone at the hospital, she had everything well under control, flawlessly balancing her administrative duties, patients, surgeries, and still managing to be kind and funny and spunky. But beneath that façade, there was an immense vulnerability no one ever got to see. Even when they were together, he rarely got to see this side of Addison.
"Well," Derek answered after a moment, "I'm no Savvy or Nancy, but didn't we establish we were friends?" he continued earnestly. "Look, whether you like it or not, you and I understand each other on a level no one else can. Not even Mark or Meredith understand me the way you do, and I know you feel the same way about me because you wouldn't be opening up about your feelings if you didn't think I'd understand," he pointed. "It's weird right now, I know. But it doesn't have to be."
Addison sighed. She could admit Derek was right. He knew her on such a fundamental level, and at this point in her life, she needed to hold on to that. She was losing herself in her work, in her thoughts, in doubt she didn't realize she had, and Derek was proving to be a stronghold, an anchor. She appreciated that immensely.
"Thank you," she replied, giving him a soft smile.
"After the taxes get filed, we're going out. You, me and Mark. We'll take you around the city and I won't take no for an answer. You need a break, and you need to see more of the city that is now your home, whether you like it or not. So just… relax for a bit ok? You don't want to look like you're 50 by the time things settle down with your department."
Addison chuckled at that. "I'll be in Mark's office by the end of the year getting botox."
"You won't," he affirmed. "Just… go home okay? Go grab your things, I'll walk you to your car. Get some sleep tonight, and don't come back until your shift actually starts tomorrow."
Addison bit her lip, her mind flashing to the papers on her desk she promised herself she'd get around to tonight. But before she could protest, Derek cut off her.
"None of that," he said, recognizing the hesitation written on her face. "Let's go home, okay?"
She sighed then, knowing Derek was right and that stubborn as she was, he could match her just as well and won't take no for an answer. "Okay."
"Good girl," he said. "Now finish your muffin and let's get going."
Addison dutifully finished her muffin and downed her coffee. As they stood up to leave, she made one last lingering glance at the horizon, and the view of Seattle from her vantage point. She really needed to get a hold of herself.
For a week Derek dutifully made sure Addison was eating well, going home on time, and getting even a little sunshine in between surgeries. He acted like the perfect friend, subtly fussing over her so as not to make Meredith worry. Overall, he was pleased with the results. Addison looked like she was better rested, and she was more pleasant to work with, if the grapevine was to be believed.
Addison mercifully finished the last of the paperwork for the merged department, and was walking towards Richard's office to give him his copy of the papers she had accomplished. She felt a lot better with Mark and Derek making sure she had food on her desk and coffee in her hand for the past week. And it felt immensely uplifting to be able to talk to Derek about some of her worries. All in all, she felt like she was mostly out of her funk.
She knocked on Richard's office door and then opened it without waiting for a response. She was mildly embarrassed to see that Richard was entertaining a guest.
"Oh, pardon me," Addison said quickly, moving to close the door.
"Hold up a minute," Richard called. "Come in, Addie. I'd like you to meet someone."
Addison walked into Richard's office and closed the door behind her as Richard and his guest stood up.
"Addison, I'd like you to meet our new visiting consultant, Dr. Timothy Tyndall."
Addison turned her gaze from Richard to the man he was introducing. He was tall, muscular, had dark hair and the kindest, bluest eyes Addison had ever seen. Well, next to Derek's. Dr. Tyndall offered her a generous, sparkling smile, which Addison returned coyly but confidently.
"He's here from London, and will be on staff with us while his research is running," Richard explained. "Timothy, this is Dr. Addison Montgomery. She's the head of OB and Neonatal here at Seattle Grace."
Timothy extended a hand to Addison. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Montgomery," he greeted with a very thick, very yummy English accent, the smile still on his face.
Addison shook his hand. "Likewise, Dr. Tyndall," she replied, hoping she sounded moderately respectable as she may have very slightly swooned at his accent.
"You'll be working with him for sure," Richard continued, unaware of Addison's thoughts. "He's an anesthesiologist."
"Really," Addison smiled, looking between Richard and Timothy. "I look forward to working with you then, Dr. Tyndall."
"Please, call me Tim," he replied. "Dr. Tyndall is my father."
"Then I insist you call me Addison," she responded, flashing him another smile.
Dr. Tyndall's eyes scanned Addison briefly, taking in her slim figure dressed impeccably in a pencil skirt and blouse underneath her white coat.
"Addison it is then," he settled warmly. "A beautiful name for a beautiful lady," he said unapologetically.
Addison had the decency to blush. Richard looked between the two doctors and then cleared his throat to catch their attention. "Timothy here is running a research with Oxford University on critical care pain management, but he'll be decked for ORs as well."
Addison nodded. "That sounds interesting," she said of the research. "How long will you be here for?"
Timothy shrugged. "About a year, give or take," he answered. "It's a huge research grant, and I have another colleague assigned in a hospital in Chicago."
"Well, I hope it turns out well," she said sincerely, her left hand still clutching the manila envelope of files. And then as if remembering why she was here, she turned to Richard and handed him the envelope.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your meeting. I was only here to hand you these," she told him. "These are the documents for the merged departments."
Richard took them and looked at Addison approvingly. "I always knew you could pull this off," he said appreciatively. "I'll go over these by the end of the week."
Addison nodded. "Just let me know if you have any questions." She paused and then, "Well, anyway, I'm going to go ahead. Dr. Tyndall—Tim" she amended quickly, "It was great to meet you."
"The feeling is mutual, Addison," he replied warmly.
Addison smiled and then turned to Richard. "Thanks, Chief. I'll see you around."
"Yes," he replied, watching Addison give them one final smile before walking out of his office and shutting the door behind her.
Once she was out, Addison allowed herself to think back on the doctor she had just met. He was exceedingly cute. And that accent? Damn did she have a thing for the English. And then she chuckled to herself, feeling silly about the way she acted and shaking it off.
With a brief exhale, she headed down to the cafeteria where she was going to meet Mark and Derek for afternoon coffee. Having finished the mountain of paperwork on her desk and getting the groove of her position in the hospital, things were definitely looking up for her.
AN: A few notes on this chapter:
1) I think Meredith's concern over Addison and Derek's relationship is justifiable, although probably not the most diplomatically packaged. Addison and Derek have a lot of history, and I think it's true it's hard to put a cap on that. And if I placed myself in Meredith's shoes, I wouldn't be pleased either. That said, Addison and Derek, especially Addison, really don't intend to make her uncomfortable. Some things from the past just organically come into conversation.
2) Derek on the rooftop is the biggest hypocrite on the planet, because he's exactly the same way, which you'll see more of in later chapters.
3) Addison's vast knowledge, in my opinion, is totally canon. On Grey's she was made out to be very brilliant, and the optic pathway is something I think every med student knows and then forgets all at once. But Addison like other medical professionals, lol.
Thanks for reading! Stay safe!