Chapter 6: Ash

I get home around midnight and find my mom sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me to come home like she did when I was younger. I shake my head and say, "You know you don't have to wait up on me anymore, right? I've been to a war zone more than once and can take care of myself."

"I know, honey. I just thought you may want to talk when you got home, that's all. How did it go? What did you think of Ash?"

"It was a little overwhelming. He calls me mommy and acts like he has known me forever. I mean, he's cute and smart, but I just don't know if I'm ready to be mommy, but I don't really have a choice. In his mind, I am already his mommy, and I can't break his little heart. He is innocent in all of this, so I guess whether I'm ready or not, I have to be a mommy. The problem is, what is Lexa going to think of all of this?"

Mom says, "Baby, I'm sorry, Callie and I have pushed you into the role of Ash's mommy. I had no idea that you would meet someone over there, but he is an inquisitive little boy, and he was asking so many questions, we just didn't know what to tell him. I am so sorry. I'm sure Lexa will understand as long as you are happy."

"That's the problem, mom. I don't know if I am happy about having a son or not. I feel like that makes me a bad person, but this is just a lot to take in. Especially after being away for so long and everything that has happened while I have been gone."

"Ashley, it is just going to take time for you to get used to being back, and just know, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. You just have to figure out the best way to handle it and be happy at the same time. Ash is young. He will be able to adapt to whatever you decide as long as you are in his life. You always wanted kids, so just make the best of what you have been delt."

"Mom, I know I always wanted kids, but I wanted them with my wife, which in case you haven't noticed, I don't have. I did enjoy hanging out with Asher, but I don't know if I want to be sucked back into Callie's world. I know now everything wasn't her fault, but what happened shattered my heart, and it took five years to put it back together. Then I met Lexa, who has been honest with me from day one and never lied to me or left my side. She was able to break down my walls and make me love again, now I am pushing her away, and she doesn't deserve it. I just don't know what to do."

"Speaking of Lexa, have you heard from her? She hasn't come home yet."

"Yeah, she texted earlier and said she was going to stay over at Octavia's tonight. So I should probably text her just to make sure everything is going okay."

"Ashley, Lexa is a strong young woman who has finally got the freedom she deserves. I feel like she can handle any situation that is thrown her way. That being said, she needs you in her life, even if it is just as friends. You two have a bond that can never be broken whether you end up together or as friends. You need each other. Besides, you know what I believe. If it is meant to be, then it will be no matter what. Just remember that."

"Thanks, mom. I know you are right, and I am overthinking everything, but it is just a lot to process. I went from being a soldier with a beautiful, loving girlfriend to a mommy and single in the matter of a day, but you are right. I will figure it out, and no matter what, Lexa will always be a part of my life. She's family! I think I'm going to head to bed now. See you in the morning."

I go to my room and flop on my bed and think about everything. I think I need to take a page out of Lexa's playbook and just go with the flow and do what makes me happy. I need to just be me and reacclimate to civilian life and just see where it leads. I want to spend time with Asher and get to know him better because whether I like it or not, I am a mommy now. So I decide to text Lexa and see if she is okay.

Me: 'Hey, everything going okay.' It takes her about five minutes to respond.

Lexa: 'Yes, just got to The Dragon's Den. Going dancing. You okay?'

Me: 'Yep, just got home. Going to try and sleep. Will I see you tomorrow?'

Lexa: 'Yeah, but IDK what time. I Will text you when I get up. Good night.'

Me: 'K, good night. Have fun!'

I throw my phone down and debate on getting dressed and going to the Dragon's Den to meet her but decide that I should let her have some space. So instead, I get up and go lay in the sauna for about thirty minutes before showering and laying down.