Chapter 12: Ash

I can't believe that mom is insisting on throwing a welcome home BBQ. I mean, I don't really have many friends, and the ones I do already know I'm home, but knowing her, she will invite everyone I ever went to school with. Oh well, it's not like I can do anything about it, but maybe I can surprise Lexa by seeing if I can get Cree to come and perhaps even Raquel and Tecia if they aren't busy.

I'm jarred from my thoughts by the doorbell. Who would ring the doorbell this early in the morning? I look at mom and ask if she is expecting company, but she says no. Lexa gets up to answer the door. When she comes back, she has Asher on her back. I don't know what to think, so I just sit here looking stupid. I can't believe how amazing she looks carry around my kid. What am I thinking?

Lexa says, "Asher have fun at the zoo, buddy, and make sure that you see the black panthers. They are the best. It was nice to meet you, buddy."

Asher smiles and says, "It was nice to meet you too Xa, maybe we play sometime."

With that, Lexa and Octavia head downstairs. I can't help but think that Lexa looks to be great with kids, and he seems to like her. Maybe things can work out. I put up my dirty plate and say, let's go. I bend down and ask Asher if he wants another piggyback ride. He jumps on.

We spend the day walking around the zoo like an actual family. It feels nice to be doing something normal for a change and seeing Asher having a good time. I'm actually having a great time with Callie getting to know her, and hearing stories of Asher, but at the same time, I feel a little guilty for have a good time with someone other than Lexa.

Before I know it, Asher is saying that he is hungry. We decide to go to a little restaurant at the zoo and eat before heading over to the playground to let him play for a bit. As he plays on the playground, Callie says, "Ashley, I really am sorry about this morning, but he was driving me insane. From now on, though, I will call or text you before coming over to make sure Lexa isn't there."

I say, "It's fine, Callie, but Lexa is right. We are all going to have to learn to at least be civil around one another because no matter what happens, I will always be Asher's mommy, but at the same time, Lexa will always be a part of my life in one way or another. We have been through so much together that we have a bond. Even if it isn't romantic, she will always be there for me."

"Ashley, I want to be there for you too. I want you to be able to trust me and accept that what happened back then wasn't your fault, but it also wasn't entirely mine either. What Robby did hurt me too. I understand that you and Lexa went through something together that I will never understand, and I am glad that she can be there for you, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I want us to be a family together."

"Callie, I don't know what to say. I know now it wasn't your fault entirely that you didn't show up, but there is no way you can understand what it did to me. I mean, for God's sake, I was ready to kill myself because of it. But, even after I got my shit together, the only reason I was so good at my job was that I still felt that I didn't have anything to live for, so it didn't matter what happened to me over there. Do you understand?"

"Ashley, I do understand, but I need you to understand that I am trying to make things right. I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust and your love again."

"Callie, I never stopped loving you, and I never will. You were my first love and will always have a piece of my heart, but I just don't know if I can ever be IN love with you again. Right now, I just want to focus on getting used to being home and getting to know Asher better. I want to focus on what makes me happy and just see what happens. I hope you can understand."

"I do understand, but I can't help wanting what I want either. So I will try and be respectful of what you want as long as you promise to keep your heart open to me so that I can try to win you back."

"Fine, but I am not promising anything to anyone right now except Asher. However, I promise to be there for him and whatever he needs."

Asher walks up and says, "Mommy, I need go see panthers like Xa said, then want ice cream."

Callie and I laugh as I scoop him up, and we head over to the panthers. I think that Lexa has a new nickname, and it's cute. We walk over to the panthers. Asher watches them for a few minutes before asking me, "Mommy, why does Xa think the panthers are better than lions and bears?"

I say, "Well, buddy, I'm not 100% sure, but I think it's because the Panthers aren't only big and strong, but they are also sneaky and agile."

"But lions and bears are big and strong too."

I laugh, "Yes, but the panthers are also smart and stealth-like and can bring down prey bigger than you would think by outsmarting them and being able to sneak up on them. I think Lexa likes them because they remind her of herself. She may be small, but she's smart, stealthy, and strong."

Callie says, "How about we go get that ice cream?"

As we get ready to leave the zoo, my phone rings, and the caller ID says it's Julian. I look at Callie and say, "I have to take this. You all go ahead to the car. I'll catch up."

I pick up the call, "Hello, Julian. What's wrong?"

He replies, "Hello, Commander Fletcher. Why do you assume something is wrong?"

"Why else would you be calling? It's not like you to just call and say hello. So, what is it?"

"Fletch, you told me to keep you in the loop on that matter, so I was calling to tell you that we have found some more information. I would really prefer that we talk in person about this. Can you fly to DC?"

"Julian, I just got home, and I am trying to get things figured out. Can't you just send it to me encrypted or something?"

"No, this needs to be kept extremely quiet."

"Fine, then you come here. Mom is having a welcome home BBQ in a few weeks, so it won't look suspicious if you come since you are my boss."

"Okay, I will see you then, Commander Fletcher."

I hang up and head to the car. I wonder what the hell is so important that it requires a face-to-face meet. When I get to the vehicle, Callie asks if everything is okay, and I just tell her that my boss was confirming that he was coming to the BBQ.