Chapter 33: Ash

Of course, when I get home, mom is sitting at the table with the wine already poured. I should be used to this by now, but it is still strange that she knows when I will need to talk. I take a seat at the table, "So, how did it go?"

"It was great. Asher is apparently a huge UFC fan, and he had an amazing time. Lexa passed the physical and was cleared to fight."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Is that all that happened?"

"How do you do that? No, I realized that I need to spend more time with Callie to give her a fair chance. After the other night with Lexa, I figured out that if I continue to run to her because she is safe and I know she won't hurt me, it isn't fair to either one of them. So then, when I dropped off Asher, I talked with Callie about it and decided to go out on a date tomorrow, just us. By the way, can you keep Asher for us?"

"Sure, I can keep him. I'm glad you finally figured out that you weren't giving Callie a fair chance. I know this is hard for you, but I really think it is for the best that you figure it out sooner rather than later."

"Yeah, me too. Thanks, mom."

The next morning, Callie texted me at seven, saying Asher was already up. I laugh, telling her to come over around eight, so we could all have breakfast together. When I went downstairs, mom was already up and reading the paper at the kitchen table. I said good morning and then started to cook breakfast.

She looked at me and said, "Why are you cooking?"

"Callie and Asher are on their way over for breakfast."

She just smiled and started to help. It wasn't long before they arrived, and we all sat down to eat. When we were finished, Callie and I decided that we would go shopping and maybe see a movie before going back to her place, and I end up spending the night with her while mom kept Asher.

It felt perfect being with her. Even after all the time apart, it seemed like we still knew everything about one another's bodies. We talked about high school and her job as a teacher. Hell, we even talked about some of my time undercover. She was easy to talk to, and for once, I didn't feel guilty or think about Lexa while I was with her. Instead, we spent the night getting reacquainted with each other's bodies. It was terrific, like we had never been apart.

I spent as much time with Callie and Asher as I could over the next few weeks and only saw Lexa when I was helping her train. After the first week, she knew something was up, but she didn't say anything. So finally, I felt that I should just tell her what was going on.

After a few weeks of Callie and I being together, I couldn't take keeping it from Lexa anymore. So, after we finished one of our training sessions, I asked her if we could talk.

She said, "I wondered when you were going to bring it up?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ash, I know you well enough to know that you've been keeping your distance from me since we got back from Vegas. So I figured you would tell me why when you were ready."

"Oh, I'm sorry I haven't said anything, but…well, I just don't really know how to talk to you about these things…."

"How about you just tell me what is on your mind. I know it has something to do with Callie, or you wouldn't be acting this way. I thought we had decided early on to be open and honest with one another about things, so just spit it out."

"Fine, after we spent that night together, I realized it wasn't fair to Callie to keep her at a distance and not give her a chance. I also realized that if I keep running back to you, I would never give her a fair chance because I know you would never hurt me, but I was afraid that she would. Then I thought about what you had told me before about not wanting me to choose you because you were safe, so…well…I have been spending a lot of time with Callie, and things are going good so far, but…."

"Let me stop you right there, Ash. You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine. I promise. I just want you to be happy. I have had a lot of time to think over these past few weeks as well. I've also realized that maybe we did rush into things because of what we went through together and…. I know that I want you in my life, no I need you in my life. You're the only person who knows everything about me and can relate to what I've been through, so please don't cut me out of your life."

"Lexa, I would never do that. I just want to be honest with you about where things were going. I need you in my life to…."

"Look, Jose said something to me the day after we spent the night together that makes a lot of sense to me, especially now. I told him that being with you was like going home. Things felt safe, controlled when I'm with you. He said that maybe 'she is like your home. You feel safe with her, and because you have never really had a home of your own, she became home to you.' The more I think about it, the more I understand what he means. Of course, you are my home, the place where I feel the safest, and I will always need you, but I think that…well, maybe we are better off as friends."

I don't know what to say, so I grab her in a hug, and I realize that she is right. She feels like home to me as well. I know she will always keep me safe and will be there for me when I need her. I will always love her but not like I do, Callie. I pull back from her and say, "Lexa, I really am sorry for everything." I pull off the ring she gave me and hand it to her, "I guess it's time for me to give this back to you."

She pushes it back into my hand and says, "No, keep it as a promise that I will always be here if you need me."

"Thanks, I will always be here for you as well. Are you sure you are going to be alright?"

"Yes, I promise. I'll be fine. I've known this was coming since we spent the night together. For some reason, it just felt different. I mean, it was amazing as always, simply different. Since we're being honest, I kissed Clarke the night we went to Vegas. When I kissed her, it was different from when I kissed you. That's when I realized what Jose had said made sense. Not that kissing you is bad…I mean…"

I interrupt her, "I know what you mean. It was the same way when I kissed Callie that same night. Are you and Clarke dating now?"

"No, she is scared, and I understand. I told her I would give her the time and space she needs to figure things out. She just broke up with her cheating boyfriend not long ago, so…."

"I'm sorry, Lexa. What is she scared of?"

"Actually, you. Clarke's scared that I will always choose you over her."

"What? Do you want me to talk to her or something?"

"Nope, I just want to give her the time she needs to figure it out for herself. But I'm thrilled that you're happy. Do you think that Callie would be up for bringing Asher over to ride on the jet skis?"

"I can ask. Are you sure that you will be okay with us coming over as a couple? I mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."

"Ash, it's fine. Besides, I need to get used to it at some point. The better question is whether or not Callie will be okay being around me? How about you bring them over tomorrow after our training session, and I will invite Clarke and some of the guys over, so maybe it won't freak Callie out as bad."

"Thanks, that sounds good, and maybe Clarke will see that I am with Callie and give you a chance."

"That was part of my plan."

I laugh, "I'm glad that we are starting to get things figured out. I will see you tomorrow."