Mia: Hold up.
Exu: Wha-?
Mia: Back. Take a step back.
Exu: I don't understand why you want me to-
Mia: Just do as I say. Please.
Exu: Takes a couple of steps back. Is that better?
Mia: A little further back… that's it… and… turn forty-five degrees to the… errr… left.
Exu: Will that do?
Mia: Gasps. Oh no…
Exu: What's wrong?
Mia: Take a look at this newspaper.
Exu: Turns around and starts reading. 'Cabinet minister embroiled in scandal'?
Mia: No! The headline at the bottom.
Exu: Takes another look at the newspaper. 'Where's our Mia?' Wait… is that what you looked like before you were absorbed?
Mia: Show me.
Exu picks up the newspaper and moves it behind his back so that Mia can see. Mia examines the smile upon her face, the flowing, curly blonde hair on her head, and the body which was taken from her.
Mia: My mum's in this. Turn to the article! I want to know what she has to say.
Exu turns the page and Mia reads the article, feeling more and more alarmed as she reads.
Mia: My parents are still searching for me. And my housemates have kept my room for me.
Exu: Too bad they won't be able to find you.
Mia: They will.
Exu: How?
Mia: Exu. You know where I used to live?
Exu: Do you want me to take you there?
Mia: Choking. Yes… yes please.
Penny: Dinner's ready!
Suzi: Is it vegan?
Penny: As always!
Suzi: Ahh… well… thanks.
Penny: Hand on hip. I thought you were happy to eat my vegan cooking…
Suzi: Yeah… I am. Sorry. Bows her head glumly.
Penny: Suzi? What's wrong?
Suzi: Oh, you know. I was reminded of my interview with the newspaper about Mia.
Penny: I do know.
Suzi: I've been spending hours this afternoon wondering where she is. I mean… she could be dead but we don't know that!
Penny: Gives Suzi a warm hug. Not knowing is hard. But we need to occupy our minds with things which-
Penny is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.
Penny: I'll get that.
As Penny walks into the hallway, Suzi takes a peek out of the window.
Suzi: Arghh! Penny! Don't answer the door!
Penny: Walks back into the living room. What? Why?
Suzi points at the Abzorbaloff which rang the doorbell.
Penny: Arghh!
Suzi: Call the police!
Penny: There's a hotline for alien threats now. I'll call that!
Suzi: Oh yeah… maybe we should call them.
Penny reaches for her phone.
Suzi: It's walking towards the window. Penny!
Both women scream as the Abzorbaloff bangs against the window a few times, before uttering something which is muffled by the glass.
Penny: What's it saying?
The Abzorbaloff turns around, to reveal a face implanted on its slimy back. It points to the face.
Suzi: What's it doing?
Penny: Moves closer to the window. Mia?
Mia's voice is muffled by the glass.
Penny: We can't hear you!
Mia: Slowly and concisely. Let. Me. In!
Suzi: We can't. Can we?
Penny: Mia wants to be let in...,
Suzi: But Penny… what if that thing gets in with her?
Penny: I imagine it would do. She's attached to it!
Suzi: But what if it does the same thing to us as it did to her?
Penny: Opens a window. Mia? What happened to you?
Mia: It's a long story. Remember when I went to the toilet that time last we were out together? And never came back?
Penny: How could we forget? We spent all night trying to find you. We reported you to the police when you didn't come home the following day. And then we had to tell your parents what happened. It was awful!
Mia: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I accidentally wandered out of the club on the way out and was absorbed by this Abzorbaloff.
Penny: And you led it straight to this house. Are we about to be absorbed too?
Mia: 'It' is a 'he'. And he doesn't do that anymore. I promise you. He changed his name to the 'Exudaloff', and he lives on proper food now.
Penny: Vegan?
Mia: No, but it's better than living people. I call him Exu!
Penny: Alright. I'm going to open the door for you now.
Suzi: No! Don't!
Penny: Turns to look at Suzi.
Suzi: Trembling. How… how do can you trust what Mia is saying?
Penny: Suzi! Mia's our friend…
Suzi: And does Mia know she can trust that thing?
Penny: What other option do we have?
Suzi: We… we could call that alien hotline or something.
Penny: And then what happens to Mia?
Suzi: She… oooh…
Penny: Can I open the door?
Suzi: Nods in terror.
Penny: Ok. Takes a deep breath.
Penny walks back into the hallway, and slowly, but calmly unlocks the door and opens it, allowing Exu to walk in with Mia. Suzi is cowering behind the sofa.
Mia: It's so good to see you both again!
Penny: I'd give you a nice, big hug if I could.
Mia: Oh… I would too, but I don't have any arms!
Penny: I am so sorry to see this happen to you.
Mia: Well… it's been a bit rubbish. But it's had its highlights. Exu and I once thwarted a Slitheen who wanted to commit mass murder.
Suzi: Oh… I heard something about this on the news. Scientists at UNIT reckoned the device could have taken out at least half the planet! Was that… you?
Mia: It was a team effort.
Exu: A team effort? What did you do?
Mia: You wouldn't have been there at all if it wasn't for me.
Exu: No. I wouldn't.
Suzi: Short of breath. And half the world would have been dead...
Penny: What else are you doing with your time? Are you enjoying it? Making the most of it?
Mia: Well… Exu has found himself a job at 'There Be Aliens'.
Exu: Which you helped me get.
Mia: I did.
Penny: Wow, really? I love that shop!
Mia: Yeah, that's how I heard about it.
Penny: And where do you live now?
Mia: Ummm…
Exu: There's this amazing bridge in the park where I sleep. It's really peaceful. Nobody disturbs you, but you're also plenty open to the elements. Isn't that great?
Suzi: Wow, really Mia? Is that comfortable for you now you've…in your new form?
Mia: Well… it gets a little cold at times. And a bit wet. My skin takes in more water now, so I become like a drowned rat whenever it rains.
Exu: But apart from that, it's lovely?
Mia: Well…
Penny: That's so great to hear! We all thought you were dead!
Mia: I mean, I don't exactly get to enjoy life like I used to… what with not having a body or anything. I certainly miss that. But on the plus side: no more uni deadlines!
Penny and Suzi allow a light chuckle.
Penny: You need to call your parents.
Mia: How are they?
Penny: To be honest, they're beside themselves. They need to know that you're doing alright… or at least know the truth of whatever happened to you.
Mia: Can you call them? Now? Please?
Penny: Pulls out phone. I'm doing it.
Mia bites her lip nervously, as she waits for the phone to pick up.
Mia's mum: Hello, Penny. What's happened? Is there an update on Mia you called me about?
Penny: Flatly. She's here.
Mia's mum: Here? What do you mean, here? Have you found her? Is she found?
Mia: Mum! Hi! It's me!
Mia's mum: Mia? Mia! Oh, my precious girl! I can't believe I'm hearing your voice!
Mia: Well, I'm here mum. Safe and sound. You can hear my voice as much as you like now.
Mia's mum: And can I see you?
Mia: Exchanges nervous looks with Penny. Ummm…
Mia's mum: I want to see your beautiful face. Show me. Let me look at you again!
Mia: It's… that might be tricky mum.
Mia's mum: And why would that be? Mia?
Mia: Ok… this isn't going to be easy to say.
Mia's mum: What's happened to you? Is everything alright?
Mia: I'm going to need you to be calm, mum. Can you do that for me? Please?
Mia's mum: Anything for you. My angel.
Mia: Thank you mum. I… I look a little different now to how I used to. And the likelihood is that I will never ever be the same again.
Mia's mum: Why? What happened? What has been done to you? Mia?
Mia: Takes in a long sigh. I've… I've been absorbed. By an Abzorbaloff from the planet Clom.
Mia's mum: What… what does that mean? Show me!
Mia: I am talking out of his back right now, mum. I'm… I'm sorry.
Mia's mum: What?
Mia: We… we're going to turn on the camera now. You will see what I look like now and what has happened to me. Please… please don't freak out.
Mia gives an affirmative nod towards Penny. Penny turns on the phone camera and points it at Mia's face. Finally, Mia is able to see her mother, as well as her own green face which stares back at her from the corner of the screen. Mia's mum has her hand clasped to her mouth, and is fighting back tears.
Mia's mum: What… what did that horrible thing do to you?
Mia: I know this looks horrible mum. And it was. But things have changed since I first… went missing. I've been helping Exu here to perform some good deeds. We saved half the world once!
Mia's mum: Take… take the camera off. Please.
Penny returns the call to voice-only.
Mia: Is that better for you mum?
Mia's mum: I… I still see your new face when I hear your voice.
Mia: Well, you can be assured that I'm safe now mum.
Mia's mum: Safe? Safe from what? You've already been eaten alive by a monster!
Mia: And he's put those ways behind him. I got him to swear never to absorb anyone again - and he hasn't absorbed anyone since, nor does he intend to. He has a job and earns a living so he can eat real food! He always says that if he could release me, he would.
Mia's mum: Sobbing. But it's too late for you…
Mia: I'm afraid so.
Mia's mum: I love you, Mia. I really wish this hadn't happened to you.
Mia: Yes, well… so do I. I love you too mum.
Mia's mum: I… I can't talk right now. I'm sorry. I'll tell your father about what's happened.
The camera beeps as Mia's mum hangs up.
Mia: Quietly. I put off talking to her for so long. I was so worried about how you and my parents and everyone who cares about me would react when they saw me like this.
Suzi: I'm so sorry Mia!
Penny: It had to happen at some point, Mia. I've spoken to your mum a lot recently. I can't begin to describe how much she's been missing you. Give her time and she will learn to adjust to what's happened to you.
Suzi: And in the meantime, we're here for you.
Penny: And if you need us to be here for Exu as well, then we will be too. Looks at Exu. No big green monster's going to scare us if you tell us he's ok.
Mia: Choking. He is… now. Thank… thank you. Both of you.