Chapter 49: Lexa

I've been listening for about an hour to Julian and his so-called plan. Which, in my opinion, isn't a plan at all. I did find out some interesting information about myself, though, and I want to find Abby and Clarke to get them to explain it better. As I continue to listen to Julian say that there isn't a way to include me in any way, I get this overwhelming sense of fear. It's the same feeling I had when Finn showed up at Clarke's house. I have to go find her. I look at Ash and say, "Something is wrong. I have to find Clarke now! You explain to him what I need. I have to go."

I ran out of the room, looking for Clarke. I looked in the game room and by the pool on the patio. I looked everywhere, and I didn't see her. I was beginning to panic when I saw Amelia and Abby talking by the bar. I ran up to them and immediately they knew something was wrong. I could feel the burning in my eyes and knew I was close to tears. "Have either of you seen Clarke? I have to find her!"

Abby says, "Lexa, calm down and tell us what's wrong."

"I need to find her now! Something is wrong. I just know it. I can't find her anywhere."

Amelia says, "I haven't seen her in a while but don't worry, we'll find her."

Octavia comes walking up with Cree and Bebe, "Hey, what's wrong?"

I yell, "Have you seen Clarke?"

O says, "Whoa, chill. I saw her headed inside to the bathroom about ten minutes ago. She was just passing the wine cellar door when I saw her. Now, what is going on?"

I don't stay to explain. I just take off sprinting toward the bathroom. When I got there, Finn had her cornered in the bathroom doorway, and he was yelling. I lost it and took off running at him and tackled him hard to the ground. He immediately starts squirming and screaming for me to get off him. I rare back my fist when I feel someone grab my wrist. I know instantly that it's Clarke because of the electricity in her touch.

I look up at her, "Babe, don't. He's not worth it. Let him up, and we can just call the cops about the restraining order."

I look at her with a tear running down my cheek, "He isn't going to stop until…."

I notice her lip is bleeding, and she has a bruise forming on her cheek. "He hit you!" I thunder. "I'm going to kill him." Then, I see Abby arguing with a man and woman.

Ash walks up and says, "What is going on here?"

Clarke says, "When I came out of the bathroom, Finn was standing there and wouldn't let me leave. He said that he had to talk to me, but I said that I didn't want to hear anything he had to say and that I wasn't comfortable being alone with him. I was scared, but then Lexa somehow knew I needed her yet again. She came and tackled him to the ground."

I looked at Finn, who was now standing by an older couple, asking, "Why are you here? This will make the third time you have violated your restraining order."

The older gentleman said, "You must be Lexa, the one causing all the trouble for Finn. I'm Mayor Collins, and the reason he's here is we came to speak with Abby about everything that has happened in the last couple of months."

"I'm not the one causing the trouble. That would be your son, sir. I understand that you would like to talk to Abby, but that doesn't involve him being near Clarke, which is in direct violation of the restraining order."

He smirks, "About that, I had the order terminated, and these papers were drawn up for you."

He hands me a set of papers that say subpoena on them. When I look at them, they say that Finn is suing me for emotional distress causing PTSD and that he is filing charges for assault and battery with intent to kill and threatening to kill him. I look up from the papers and say, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Clarke reaches for the papers, scanning them quickly before handing them to Abby. I look over at Finn to see a massive smile on his face, and I just want to walk over there and punch him. Instead, Clarke speaks up, "Is this really how you want to approach this Mayor Collins? Has Finn told you everything or just what he wants you to know so that you will protect him?"

Mayor Collins replies, "I think that I know him well enough to know that he would never intentionally hurt you. So he didn't deserve to be hospitalized for a ruptured testicle or taking a beating because he was just trying to talk to you."

I say, "Really? Did he tell you about busting into her house and…"

Clarke interrupts me, "Did he tell you that he hits me when he is mad, as you can see from my busted lip and swollen face. Or that he broke my car window trying to get to me? I bet he definitely didn't tell you that he broke into my house and raped me on my dining room table. I'm quite sure he left out a few facts when he talked to you."

The Mayor says, "He did tell me that he was drunk and mad one night and broke your car window. But he was only trying to talk to you, then Lexa came and nearly beat him to death. He also told me that you would say that he raped you but that it was consensual. He said you called rape because you didn't want Lexa to know that you were still with him when she showed up. That's why you didn't press charges because it wasn't actually rape."

I had heard enough and yell, "You have got to be fucking kidding me, right now. Clarke didn't press charges because she didn't want to have you or your son embarrass her any more than she already has been. We have the evidence from the rape kit along with substantial video evidence of both altercations at the Griffin house, including the tail end of the rape where she was begging him to stop…."

Clarke gasps, looking at me, "What?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but I didn't think it was necessary. When O and I got to the house that night after talking to the neighbor, O thought it would be a good idea to record what happened so we could show the police when they got there. She started recording before we walked into the house, and well…she caught the very end of it on the recording. I didn't want to upset you anymore but kept it because I was afraid something like this would happen. I would never show it to anyone without your permission. O was the only other person who knew about it until now." When I looked at her, I couldn't read her expression, and it scared me. I never want to do anything to hurt her or betray her trust, but I didn't want to upset her either.

She looks at me with tears in her eyes, walking toward me. I open my arms, and her body melts into mine. I just hold her for a few seconds before she whispers, "Thank you."

I look at her confused, but before I can say anything, Abby speaks, "Mr. Collins, the way I see it, your son is the one at fault here, and my girls have plenty of evidence against him. Therefore, I suggest that you drop the silly lawsuit against Lexa and keep your son away from them."

He says, "Or what? I don't believe them for a second. If they had that much evidence, they would have pressed charges already."

I look at Clarke and ask, "Is it okay if I show him the video of when he broke the car window?" She just nods into my chest.

I pull away from her and bring up the video of the incident and turn the phone toward him so that he can see what actually happened. When the video was finished playing, I say, "I have at least two other videos showing him doing unspeakable things to Clarke, but I am not going to show you another thing. Plus, we can also get a statement from the doctor who had to sew Clarke up afterward, not to mention the paramedics and crisis counselor who took her statement."

He says, "How do I know that these so-called videos haven't been doctored?"

I hand him Officer Allison's card and tell him that he can call and speak to her. She has all the evidence and can verify the authenticity of the videos. Abby speaks up and says, "Mr. Mayor, I think it's time for you to leave. If the lawsuit isn't dropped in a week and Finn isn't in an anger management rehab facility, then we will go to the press with the headline, 'Mayor covers up son's illegal activities.' Am I clear?"

He replies, "We will be in touch." Then they leave.

Once they are out of the house, I turn back to Clarke, "I'm so sorry that I wasn't here for you. I should have been by your side, not with Ash."

Clarke looks up at me and smiles, "It's okay, you were here when I needed you, and that is what matters."

"I should have been there to protect you so that you didn't have to go through…I should have been there. It's my fault all of this happened. Bad things always happen to the people I love."

Abby pulls me to the side, "Lexa, no matter what you think, none of this is your fault. It's Finn's!"

"Abby, I understand what you are saying, but the reality is I should've been with her. Instead, I was with Ash. I promised Clarke to be with her, and I have already let her down by not being by her side and choosing Ash. Why does everyone I love always end up getting hurt."

"Lexa, you didn't choose Ash over Clarke. It is a party; you can't be right by her side 24/7, and it's not like you were WITH Ash. You were just helping her. Besides, if it weren't for you knowing something was wrong, there is no telling how this would have ended. Why don't you go get yourself a drink or something while I talk to Clarke?"

"If it's all the same to you, I would rather stay here."

"I know you would, but I need to talk to my daughter and would prefer to do it alone. I know you care for her, but…I think she could use her mom right now."

"Alright, but you should know that I don't just care for her. I'm in love with her and will do everything I can to keep her safe, even if that means being with her 24/7. Will you bring her out to the pool when you are finished talking, please. I just want to be near her."

I walk straight to the bar and order five tequila shots, line them up and down them one by one in quick secession. Finally, Ash and Callie come over and just sit on either side of me without saying a word and order another round of shots.

Finally, Callie breaks the silence, "Are you okay?"

I give her a questioning look, "Me? I'm not the one who, who was…."

She places her hand on my shoulder and says, "I know, but I know it's not easy on you either. Lexa, bad things happen to good people, and sometimes there's nothing you can do to prevent it. Clarke is strong. She will get through this as long as you are there with her. Stop blaming yourself and just be there. That's what she needs. Trust me on that."

I hug her and say, "Thank you. I will. You know what I need right now is a big Asher hug. Where is he?"

Ash smiles, "Last time I saw him, he was still in the pool. So come on, we will go with you to find him."

Clarke

After mom finishes talking to Lexa, she tells me to follow her, and we go into a bedroom. She smiles, "I know that you want to be with Lexa right now, but I wanted to spend a couple of minutes alone with you, just to make sure you are okay."

"I'm sorry, mom. It's not that I'm not glad to see you…it's just…."

She comes and wraps me in a hug and says, "I know, I get it. I haven't been here for almost a year, and now you have a girlfriend to lean on who wants nothing more than to take care of you. I understand, but I'm still your mom. Now that I'm home, I want to be here for you as well."

"I know, mom, and I want you here. I'm okay, really. I mean, I'm mad and hurt with everything that has happened because of Finn, but it all could've been much worse if Lexa didn't always know when to show up. So I'm just happy she somehow knows when I'm in trouble and shows up."

"I am too, but we need to talk about what happens next."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for starters, you need to mentally prepare yourself for whatever Finn's parents decide to say or do. I'm going to go ahead and contact a lawyer just to be safe, and then there is Lexa."

"What do you mean, there is Lexa?"

"Honey, she's beating herself up because she's afraid that you are going to hate her. She thinks that you are going to think she chose Ash over you because she was with her and Julian today, and Ash was on the yacht when he attacked you in the garage."

"Mom, I could never hate her, and I don't think that for a minute. There is no way she should blame herself or think that. But, mom, since we are having this conversation, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, honey, you can ask me anything?"

"How do you really feel about me dating Lexa? I mean, I know you liked Finn, but this is all new to me."

"Sweetie, I love her, and she's a good person who has had a rough life, but if you are unsure…you really need to talk to her. Yeah, I liked Finn and thought you were good together, but I think that is mostly because you were so close growing up. What I can't believe is his behavior as of late. I can't believe he did this."

"Oh, no, mom. I'm sure that I want to be with her, but well…I've never…I never enjoyed sex, and I'm scared that I won't enjoy it with her either. I know she says she will go as slow as I want, but at some point, she is going to get frustrated with me."

"Oh! I guess I just assumed that you had already…crossed that bridge with her."

"No, I'm scared. I don't have a clue as to…uh…I don't know how to do it with another girl. I hated it with Finn because he was rough and didn't care about what I wanted, and pressured me into it in the first place. What if I just don't like sex? Will she still want to be with me?"

"Sweetie, your body will know what to do when the time is right. Are you attracted to her?"

"Definitely, when we kiss…it feels like little electrical sparks all over my body, and then there are the butterflies in my stomach. I could spend all day kissing her, and I know I want more. I'm simply scared. There was this one time, though, the night before her fight, when things got taken further than ever before and…just when she touches me, it made me feel like never before, but just when things were getting heated, she stopped and asked me if I wanted to go any farther. I really did, but I stopped her."

She gives a chuckle, "Sounds to me like your body is ready, but your head isn't. Don't let Finn get in your head. If you do, he's won. It appears that Lexa is only worried about what you are comfortable with and what you want, knowing that should tell you it is different than being with Finn. The fact that your body reacts the way it does to her also should tell you that it will be different with her. Look, I know this is new and confusing for you, but you need to trust her and yourself. If she says she is fine with whatever you are comfortable with, you need to trust her when she says it. At the same time, if something feels right…well, maybe you should see what happens. I feel like I know her pretty well, and I feel confident that she will be happy with whatever you want."

"Thanks, mom. Can we go find my wonderful girlfriend? I think I'm ready for a drink!"