Comments: I keep forgetting to mention—this story is named after the One Direction song. Love me some Harry Styles. Btw, I don't think I say it enough, but thank you all for your great reviews. They really motivate me, and I appreciate each and every one.
Story of My Life
Chapter Four
Part One
This is it, Amanda thought. The moment had arrived, the moment she'd been waiting for. She had imagined this scene hundreds of times in her mind, but never thought that she would actually be here when it happened. The scene had played out in every imaginable way. Liv found dead, strangled in a huddled heap on a raunchy bed, or in an alley. Liv shot in the head, eyes wide open in perpetual terror. Liv found wandering the streets in just a sheet, having rescued herself after they had failed to do it for her.
That's close to how it had happened last time, and Amanda had never forgotten her own shame when she saw Olivia then—hair matted with sweat and alcohol, her face beaten bloody and swollen, burn marks on her neck, shivering and barely able to stand. Goosebumps formed on Amanda's arms as she got hit with the thought that she might have to relive a similar scene all over again.
But this time, at least she could say that she'd tried hard enough that she'd actually succeeded in finding Olivia. Still, she shook her head before drawing her gun, unsure if she was ready for what lay on the other side of that door.
She knocked. No answer, of course. She yelled out, "Housekeeping," because she didn't want to startle him into killing Olivia. But she had a key from management, in case he didn't answer.
To her surprise, the door cracked open just enough for him to peek through, although the chain was still attached. She immediately aimed her gun at his head and said, "Open the door, Clark."
His voice was startlingly calm. "Okay, Detective. I'm opening it."
She heard the chain sliding, and the door almost closed completely, so she held it with her foot. Then the door was open, and he held his hands up in surrender.
It was so easy. Too easy.
He backed into the room, and she followed, her gun on him the entire time. "Back up. Into that corner," she ordered, and he complied.
She glanced to her right and saw Olivia for the first time. The scene was not unexpected, but it still aroused panicked flutters in Amanda's heart. Her captain was outstretched on the bed, hands and feet restrained by metal shackles like the first victim. She wore a red dress that may have been very stunning in any other situation, but now it was tattered and wrinkled up around Olivia's waste. Amanda only glanced at her, not wanting to look away from Clark long enough for him to get away or attack.
Olivia had been softly whimpering, but now she must have seen Amanda, really seen her, for the first time, because she rasped, "Amanda."
That one utterance of her name was too much for Amanda, enough to send tears running down her cheeks, and she blinked them back. "Yeah, it's me, Liv. You're going to be okay. Help is on the way, alright?"
"No, you have to get out of here. Go, while you can, Amanda. It's not safe." Olivia was whispering, as if they were alone in the room and hiding from a predator.
"It's okay, Liv. I've got him. You're okay."
"No—"
"You should go to her, Amanda," said Clark, smirking. "She's hurt."
"Amanda, please. Just run." The desperation in Olivia's voice was so compelling and pitiful that Amanda couldn't help but look at her, now noticing how jittery she was, how her irises flitted her and there, and now she knew that Olivia must be on the same hallucinogens that Clark had given Jessica.
An explosion interrupted her thoughts, or at least it had sounded like an explosion, and now she realized the mistake she'd made by focusing on Olivia. Excruciating pain shot down her arm, and she dropped her gun. Clark must have had his revolver hidden somewhere close to where he was standing, and he had gotten off a shot. In the split second that she reacted to her own pain, he rushed her and knocked her on the head with the butt of his gun.
It stunned her for a moment, along with the pain in her arm, and it gave him enough time to slip a pair of cuffs on her and lock her to a radiator hose. Olivia was screaming, and Clark went to the door and slammed it shut, and then went to the bed to shut Olivia up with his fists. He shoved a rag in her mouth, and Amanda knew she had to tough it up through her own pain or they would both be dead.
"I called for backup already, Clark. It's all over," she grunted through her pain.
He stood completely still for a moment, and she knew he was considering all his options, so she decided to lay it out for him. "You don't have time to load us in the car, Clark. And if you kill us, you'll be looking at life in prison."
He stood frozen. "Like I'm not already?"
"Yeah, but you'll never get out if you kill us. But they might be lenient if we both survive. Especially if I put in a good word."
Already she heard sirens in the distance, and it sounded more and even louder than the typical New York emergency vehicles. Clark only paused for a moment more, and then he acted with determination, apparently having made his decision.
Amanda blinked twice, shocked by his actions. He unzipped his pants and crawled on the bed, squarely in between Olivia's legs, and Amanda yelled, "Stop!"
But he lowered himself onto her while saying, "I need one more time with my wife."
Un-fucking-believable. This guy really was delusional, and it seemed there was nothing Amanda could do to stop the inevitable. She tried—she pleaded, reasoned with him, threatened. But he continued on his path, all while Olivia's pleas for him to stop grew more and more distressing.
In a moment of seeming clarity, Olivia made eye contact with Amanda, and mouthed the words, "Look away."
Amanda buried her tear-stained cheeks into the crook of her elbow and tried to tune out the noise of Olivia being defiled, but the sounds were so disgusting and bestial that she startled with each and every cry of pain. Olivia was crying out loudly now, and her voice rose in a crescendo until she was practically screaming. By the sound of the bed rocking, Amanda could tell that Clark was getting rougher and rougher, and Amanda could no longer hold it in. In between her own sobs, she shouted out, "Stop! You're hurting her!"
Amanda's despair grew so strong that she was willing to cut her hand off to get loose and free Olivia from this torture. But she didn't have to wait any longer, because the door didn't just fly open, it practically flew off its hinges as Fin kicked it in. No puny chain was going to keep him from saving the women of his unit.
Next came a flurry of noises, including Fin shouting, "Get up, Motherfucker!" and flesh being kicked and boots on the carpet followed by more yelling.
Carisi was there now, crouching at Amanda's side. "You're hurt. Are you shot?"
She wiped away tears as he unlocked the handcuffs. "Yeah," she muttered, distracted. "I think it just grazed me, though."
Immediately, her attention snapped back to Olivia, who was surrounded by officers trying to free her. Brushing off Carisi's attempts to take care of her, Amanda shot to her feet and rushed to Olivia's side. Liv was inconsolable to the officers around her, calling out, "Stop! No, please. Don't—"
Amanda found herself yelling and holding out her hand to get their attention. "Stop for a second! She doesn't understand. Just stop! Let me talk to her."
One by one they ceased their activities, and Amanda sat gently on the side of the bed. Olivia was still yelling incoherently, but Amanda said softly, "Liv. Hey, it's me. Look at me."
Olivia froze, her eyes finally recognizing her co-worker. "Amanda. Hey, I told you—you need to get out of here. Not safe."
Her words were slightly slurred, as if she had to concentrate to vocalize her thoughts. Amanda glanced up at the officers. "She's drugged. Are the medics here yet?" One of the officers went to check, and Amanda turned back to Olivia. "It's okay, Liv. We're here to help, okay?"
Amanda nodded, and Olivia followed suit and nodded too, and Amanda glanced at the officers to indicate that it was okay to continue letting her out of the restraints. When her hands were free, she acted like she didn't know what to do with them, flopping them at her sides as if they were useless. "You okay?" Amanda said, even though the question was rhetorical, because obviously she wasn't okay. But she'd meant it more like, "You're not going to flip out, are you?", without actually saying that.
Olivia nodded and looked at her, and Amanda thought she saw a hint of recognition that went beyond anything she'd witnessed yet. "I'm—" Liv started to choke up, but then she said, "I'll be okay. I'm glad to see you."
But that was all Olivia could get out before crumbling, and she leaned forward into Amanda's waiting arms and let loose of all her tears on Amanda's chest. Amanda ignored the pain from her bleeding arm pulled her close, determined to never let her go, not until she was ready.
Still holding Olivia, Amanda glanced over at Fin, who had Clark on the ground and was pounding his face with his bare fists while a bunch of officers stood back and watched. They must have glimpsed Amanda watching them, because suddenly they moved in and pulled Fin off the guy, and then Clark was in handcuffs and being helped up and soon enough, he was escorted out.
Now that the offending psycho had been removed, Amanda could turn her full attention to Olivia, who was shuddering from sobbing so hard. The paramedics had moved in and were looking at Amanda expectantly, and she glared back at them as a warning to give her more time.
Her hands gently moved over Olivia's back, and she consciously slowed her own breathing in the hopes that Liv would follow suit. She stroked Olivia's hair with her fingertips and said softly, "Liv, can they check you out now? Make sure your injuries aren't critical?"
Olivia nodded and pulled away, and once she did, she averted her eyes. Amanda could feel the shame washing over the captain, and she despised Clark for making her feel that way. Olivia pressed a palm against her own face, trying to stem the flow of tears. Amanda moved back a little to make way for the paramedics, who quickly took her vitals.
Despite protestations from Amanda, Olivia stood, but she was wobbly, and she groaned and grasped at her abdomen.
"Maybe you should sit back down," Amanda said.
"Actually, can you get on the stretcher? We don't want to take any chances with your internal organs," said one of the medics.
Olivia looked as if she was navigating a thick fog, but she complied and got onto the waiting stretcher. Amanda grabbed her hand and walked by her side as they moved her to the waiting ambulance.
On the ride to the hospital, Olivia's gaze was blank and distant, and Amanda knew there was a week's worth of trauma to process, on top of the renewal of PTSD from her past with Lewis. It was a lot to unlock. Waves of anger washed over her. Why did this have to happen again? It had taken months for Olivia to recover from Lewis, and Amanda knew that a part of him still lived inside her psyche. No telling what mental mind-fuck games this guy had played with her. Amanda went numb thinking of the emotional untangling that would surely have to happen in the months ahead.
Without letting go of Olivia's hand, Amanda addressed the paramedic. "She's been drugged, most likely hallucinogens."
The medic nodded and kept his hands busy. He had just finished bandaging Amanda's arm, and now he turned his attention back to Olivia. "I'm working on starting an IV now. I'll give her some fluids. It may help a little, at least with the dehydration."
Amanda turned back to Olivia, who finally met her gaze, even if unevenly. "Is Noah…"
"He's okay. He's fine. He misses you, but he's staying with my girls at my mothers' place."
They sat in wordless silence while Olivia absorbed the news. Amanda squeezed her hand. She needed to know if Olivia was completely there with her or not. "Are you still feeling the drugs, Liv?"
Olivia answered her through parched lips. "Am I still tripping? Yes, but coming down. I was pretty out of it when you first came in."
Olivia's gaze still flitted about, but she seemed much more coherent than before. But there was a gloominess in her eyes too, one that went darker and deeper than Amanda could comprehend. What had those eyes seen over the past week?
They were at the hospital now, and Olivia seemed to shrink under the blaze of the bright lights and the loud noises of the ER. Amanda tried to rush the staff so that they could get her out of the chaos and into a quieter triage room as fast as possible. But barking orders only seemed to slow them down, and the slower they went, the more panicked Olivia looked.
By the time she was lying in an actual bed waiting for a doctor, Olivia was turning her head at every noise around her. There was yelling in a nearby room, and Olivia jumped. Amanda patted her shoulder to calm her.
The doctor came in, and Amanda sighed in relief when it was a female, and one who was familiar with SVU and their procedures. Olivia hadn't said much since the ambulance, but now she seemed alert and watchful of every movement. Amanda stood to leave and give them some privacy, but Olivia clutched her hand and shot her a pleading look. Amanda sat back down.
"Olivia," the doctor said gently, "You know what happens from this point."
Olivia nodded. The doctor continued. "But I don't want to re-traumatize you, so we're going to go slowly from here on out. If you want to stop at any time, or if there's anything you want to skip, or if you need to rest, you let me know, okay?"
Olivia swallowed hard. "Y-yeah."
"Okay, first I'm just going to listen to your heart, alright?"
"Sure."
Olivia had already changed into one of those ugly hospital gowns with the flowers on it, and it hung in baggy heaps around her. Amanda thought she must not have been eating while Clark had her, because it looked like she'd lost some pounds, and she'd only been gone a week. Olivia's legs dangled over the side of the bed, and she pulled her gown over them the best she could. Amanda gave her a sheet to cover her up better, and Liv shot her a grateful glance.
The doctor moved in with the stethoscope and gently pulled down the front of Olivia's gown so she could get a good read on her heartbeat. As soon as her fingers touched Olivia's skin, she startled, and suddenly she kicked out at the doctor and scooted back at the same time, nearly falling off the other edge of the bed.
The panicked doctor stumbled backward but did not fall, although she made a clatter when she knocked a few instruments off her tray. Olivia screamed and leapt out of bed, running toward the bathroom. Amanda saw where she was headed and tried to stop her by calling out, "Liv, wait—"
Olivia saw Amanda approaching her out of the corner of her eye, and by this time the doctor was trying to come toward her too, probably to try and calm her. So she veered off-course and headed to a corner of the room instead, looking around for an exit. Meanwhile, she began to mumble something, but all Amanda could make out was, "Please stop. Please not again. I don't want…" The rest was unintelligible.
The change was so sudden that Amanda knew Olivia wasn't herself in the moment. And so she stopped and looked at the doctor. "It's the drug. It must still be in her system."
Olivia spun to face them, but never made eye contact, and in fact she looked as if she was seeing something over their heads. "No, please…don't hurt me."
Seeing no way out, she backed into the wall and slid down it until she was hugging her knees. "Oh God, no."
Amanda glanced at the doctor, who said, "I'm going to have to sedate her. Do you think you can keep her here while I get help?"
"Yeah. Just please—don't call security. I'm afraid they'll hurt her."
"I'll tell you what. If you can keep her in this room and keep her from hurting herself or anyone else, you have a deal."
The doctor left the room, and Amanda put her hands out flat in front of her. "It's okay, Liv." But Liv wasn't looking at her, her attention rapt on someone else, someone invisible to the world outside Liv's demented mind. "Liv, look at me. It's Amanda."
She squatted down to Olivia's level, and finally the wide-eyed Liv said, "Amanda. Amanda? What are you doing here? Run!"
Then she scanned her surroundings for danger. Amanda scooted just a little closer, and said, "No, Liv. It's just me. I promise. Look at me." Thankfully, Olivia did as she asked, and she used the opportunity to try and keep her attention. "Liv, it's okay. You're safe, okay? Just look at me."
Olivia held out a helpless hand, and Amanda squeezed it. "That's right. You're good. You're safe."
Just then the door opened, and Olivia jolted straight up. Amanda quickly tried to get her attention again. "It's okay. I'm here. You're safe."
The doctor didn't waste a moment, moving in with the syringe, and it was a good thing, because there was someone else in the room now, which could have easily spooked Olivia. But the doctor quickly stuck Olivia in the arm before she noticed, and now her words started slur. "Amanda. You need to get…"
She was fading fast, and Amanda looked up at the third person in the room, who turned out to be Carisi. "Help me get her on the bed, Sonny," she said.
They each took her by one arm and lifted her up, and her eyes started to close. "C'mon, Liv, let's get you to bed."
They positioned her on her side, and Amanda pulled the thin hospital cover over her. Then she turned to Carisi. "What are you doing in here?"
He shot a worried look in Olivia's direction. "Wasn't my idea. The doctor came and got me. Said she thought I could help."
Amanda nodded and joined him in staring at a soundly sleeping Olivia. "Clark really messed her up good." She thumbed away a tear. Carisi put a hand on her shoulder. "She was completely out of it. I hope it's just the drugs."
The two of the silently stared at the remnants of what had once been their thriving, vibrant captain. All it had taken was one asshole with a delusion and some drugs to tear down this statuesque woman. Amanda sniffled, and resolved to get her back, whatever it took.