Chapter 63: Clarke

The past couple of weeks have gone by in a blur. I have been working so much that by the time I get home, all I can do is take a bath and fall into bed with Lexa. I have also had a little bit of a stomach bug or something for the past week, which has been making me nauseous throughout the day. She has been amazing. Every night when I get off, she bathes me and washes my hair. She also makes sure to send lunch daily to the hospital for Lilian and me, and when I get home after our bath, she makes sure I at least eat a sandwich. No matter how tired she is from training for the fight, she always takes care of me. Friday can't get here soon enough. Although I'm going to miss working at the hospital, I'm ready to have more time to spend with Lexa.

Lexa and mom have spent the last few weeks finding a place for the research project. I think they finally found what they were looking for. They were able to find a building used for some drug trial research, and Lexa bought it with all the equipment left from the previous owners. Mom was pretty excited and said that it wouldn't take much work to get the place set up for what we needed.

Lucas and mom, have talked Niko into moving here and working with the project as head chemist. Mom really likes having Sabrina around, and so does Asher. Asher insisted that Sabrina go on Asher's Saturday adventure with Lexa last weekend. Everything seems to be falling into place on the project. Mom has hired two general practitioner doctors and four other nurses on top of Lilian, who will be the head nurse. She still needs to employ an OBGYN and a geneticist. I just hope the weeks' vacation gives me a renewed energy and time to rest. I have been so tired for the last two months, I haven't felt like doing anything other than work and sleep.

Lexa

These past few weeks have gone by extremely fast. I have been so busy training and trying to help Abby locate the perfect facility for the research project, I haven't had time to hang out with the group or even drop in and see Clarke at work. We finally found the perfect location, and Abby and Niko have been working on getting it set up and figure out what equipment we still need. Abby was also able to find an inventor/researcher for my applied science division. His name is Marcus Kane. Abby described him to me as being like Lucius Fox in the Batman comics and movies. Apparently, Raven, the physical therapist who worked with Ash, was also going to be helping out with both projects.

Mr. Cantrell was able to negotiate with the Collins family, finally coming to an agreement. They will sign the NDA on the payout and the rape, agreeing to the non-contact order and me paying Finn $250,000. A condition of this agreement is that if any one of the family discloses any part of this deal or the rape, the Collins' will pay me $500,000 and Clarke $1.5 million in damages. I'm glad to have this over and done with.

Lucas has been extremely helpful in my training, and I feel extremely comfortable going to the ground with Jewel in this fight. I can't wait until tomorrow morning when everyone loads up on the plane, and we head to Dubai. The contract I worked out with Dana this time is a little different. It's still a one-fight contract, but this one is a pay-per-view event, and my fight is the co-main event, so the contract includes what they call PPV points, which is based on the number of PPV's they sell. I will still receive $50,000 for showing up, and the bonuses are the same. Unfortunately, he would only give me 2% of merchandising this time because of the PPV points.

Clarke got home late last night, and she still had to pack. I don't think she got much sleep because I woke up to an empty bed, which is very unusual. On the few occasions she wakes up before me, she lays in bed and snuggles until I wake up. It is still incredibly early, only five am, and we aren't scheduled for take-off until noon. So I decided to give it a few minutes before I go looking for her. I must have dozed back off because I woke up thirty minutes later, and the bed was still empty. I was worried, so I got up to look for her. I thought she may be in the closet doing some last-minute packing, but when I passed the bathroom, I could hear her in there.

I knocked on the door, "Babe, are you okay?" She didn't answer, but I could hear her getting sick. So I knocked again, "I'm coming in." When I opened the door, I see her hugging the toilet. So I went to her, holding her hair back after getting a cool washrag to put on the back of her neck.

She looks up at me and says, "Thanks, I think I'm just dehydrated from working so much lately. I will be fine in a bit."

"I'm going to go get an ice pack and some Gatorade. Will you be okay until I get back?"

She nods, and I kiss the top of her head before I leave. When I return with the items in hand, she is back in bed. I walk over and place the ice pack behind her neck and open the Gatorade for her. She smiles, "I feel much better now. I'm just going to try and get a little bit more sleep."

I nod and crawl into bed beside her so that she can lay on my chest. When the alarm went off at nine, Clarke was feeling better. We gathered our luggage and head upstairs for breakfast, where we met everyone that was going. Asher came running at me as soon as he saw me, and Sabrina wasn't far behind him. Even though I hadn't had much interaction with her, she followed Asher in everything he did. She was a year younger, but he didn't seem to mind her tagging along, and I was glad he had someone to help keep his mind off of Ash being gone. So far, Ash had checked in every week, like clockwork, and I had been getting the updated information from Julian like we agreed.

Everyone was loaded up on the plane by noon, and we were ready for take-off. Clarke seems to be doing better and hasn't gotten sick anymore, but I'm still a little worried about her. Everyone settles in for the seventeen-hour flight. Abby and Clarke check out the med bay while everyone else relaxes. Bellamy and Asher fight over the PlayStation until I show Asher to one of the smaller lounges equipped with one. Then he and Sabrina disappear for a few hours until they need a snack. There is plenty of room for everyone to spread out and relax and have a good time. We won't land until around 5 am tomorrow, but there are plenty of beds for everyone to sleep in.

Around eight, I whispered into Clarke's ear, "I have an idea." When she looked at me, I wiggled my eyebrows, and she smiled.

"Oh, really, what might that be?"

"I thought we might try out the bed in the suite and join the the-mile-high club. Of course, that is if you are feeling up to it."

"What about the fact that everyone we are close to is onboard, including my mother?"

"The suite is downstairs under the cockpit. So no one will hear us if that's what you are worried about."

"In that case, what are we waiting for."

We got up and head downstairs. Clarke said she was tired from her late night at work the night before, so no one would give it a second thought. As soon as the door was shut to our room. I began kissing Clarke slowly, softly. "Are you sure you feel up to this after being sick this morning?"

Her answer came not in a spoken reply but a kiss on my neck. I shivered as I felt her breath on my neck, her nimble fingers gently pushing up my shirt and pulling it over my head before tossing it aside. Her lips eagerly traveling down my neck, onto my chest, and encircled a nipple, casually planning out every step of this adventure. Her hands moved downward, slipping my shorts down as far as she could and then pushing them the rest of the way with her foot.

"Hey," I say, amazed at how quickly things were moving, "do you want me to get you naked, too?"

"Of course," says Clarke. "That's part of sex."

"Okay, just checking." My fingers moved to the hem of Clarke's sundress, then slowly lifted it off over her head, revealing a perfect body. I take a second and just stare at the beautiful person in front of me and whisper, "So beautiful."

"Touch me," Clarke breathed. "I want to feel your hands all over me."

Okay, that was hot, and I love when she takes control, telling me what to do. "Are your boobs still sore?" I ask, my fingers caressing soft skin but stopping short of the mounds I want so badly to feel in my hands.

"They're still a bit tender if someone bumps into me, but they can handle being touched. Please do it. I just want to feel loved."

"You ARE loved. I love you more than anything in the world." I am determined to make Clarke see that, to make her feel like the most precious human being in the world because that is precisely what she is. I cup her breasts, teasing her nipples with my thumbs and covering her face in kisses. I decide I am going to kiss everything to make Clarke feel just how loved she is. Our previous lovemaking always seems to get heated and rushed. This time I want to take it slow and worship every part of her. I move down her neck, over her shoulder, and down her arms, kissing her hand and sucking each individual finger. Next, I move to the other side, starting with her fingers and working my way up until I was back to Clarke's chest. Feeling emboldened by this new degree of intimacy, I move on to her exquisite breasts, kissing my way around each one before teasing one nipple, then the other, with my tongue. Clarke moaned softly, her fingers now working their way into my hair. I finally move on, planting kisses on her stomach. I slow down when I find myself approaching another mound I desperately want to touch. "Clarke, are you sure you feel…."

"No," Clarke murmured.

"Oh, okay," I say, withdrawing quickly.

"No, I mean, come here. I want to do it together."

"Oh, Okay." Following Clarke's gesture, I stretch out so that Clarke and I were facing each other.

"What do you…what do you want me to do?"

"Do what I do," says Clarke. Her fingers trail down my skin and then slip between my legs, finding me wet and ready. She slowly caresses my swollen folds while I'm savoring the feeling of her. I could not contain a small moan of pleasure as I hesitantly reached for Clarke's heat, caressing her in the same way. I was surprised (I'm not sure why) to find Clarke just as wet, just as swollen, and it turned me on immensely. Another moan escapes me, this time more in response to the feel of Clarke's slick folds under my fingers than from anything she was doing to me. But that was the thing, wasn't it? In my previous flings, I had always kept most of my focus on giving pleasure to my partners. I didn't like the thought of needing much from anyone. The only exception was Ash, and she felt the same way. But this was different. Clarke wasn't a fling, and I find I'm enjoying touching and being touched in equal measure for the first time in my life. This is like nothing I have ever experienced before.

Sure, Clarke and I have had sex before, but there is just something different about this time. Clarke's finger found my clit and began stroking, lightly and then harder, her other hand working my right breast. I involuntary rock my hips forward, wordlessly begging Clarke to touch me more, do it harder. She did, adding another finger, so she was now rubbing both sides of my clit at once. Following her lead, I sought out Clarke's own sensitive spot and begin stroking her the same way, paying attention to Clarke's cues to figure out the pace. While my right hand did this, my left hand creeps upward to her right breast, fingers lightly circling a taught nipple. My lips find hers, reveling in the seemingly endless beautiful sensations we are making together.

Then Clarke's fingers move to my entrance and pause as if asking a silent question. In answer, I move my hips to take her in. Her fingers, already wet with my juices, easily slip inside, causing me to gasp and pull back from our kiss.

"Is this…okay?" Clarke murmured. "Do you like this?"

"Yes. Yes, definitely."

"Do it to me too. I want it. I want you there."

I nod and cautiously enter my girlfriend, feeling like I have just been granted access to the holiest temple in the world. I mimic Clarke's rhythm as the blonde begins to move her fingers inside of me. We both move in and out, thrusting deeper and faster until I feel Clarke clenching around my fingers. I am so amazed to be making her come that the very thought triggers my own orgasm, the sweetest I had felt in a long time. Then we lay panting, holding each other close.

"Clarke, that was…." I search for the right word, but none seem adequate.

"Beautiful," gasped Clarke. "Lexa, it was perfect. Thank you."

"You're thanking me?"

"Yes, for making me feel good again. We have both been so busy. I've been so tired and nauseous…and honestly, for some reason, I have been thinking about the…incident. I'm not sure why but I have, and I don't know how to explain it, but what you just did…it made me feel loved and wanted again. So, yes, thank you."

"Clarke, you are loved and wanted. But, I also want you to know that you can talk to me when you feel these things. I'm here for you. Also, I'm not sure I've ever felt quite as good as you make me feel, so maybe I should be the one thanking you? But, wait…did you say you have been sick before?"

"Yeah, but it's usually during the day and never as bad as this morning. I think it's either a stomach bug or just from being overworked and dehydrated. I promise I'm fine."

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about it?" I kiss her, fingering her soft hair. Soon, I could hear the soft snores as she fell into the first deep sleep I think she has had in weeks.

Clarke

I woke up early this morning feeling sick. I look at the clock, and it is only four am. Our flight doesn't leave until noon, and I was hoping to get some sleep. The last month has been hell at work. Not to mention I have been thinking about the rape a lot. I'm not sure why but it just seems to creep into my mind at odd times and makes me feel dirty like no one will ever love me after it. Not only that, I have been getting nauseous more and more often, even throwing up a couple of times at work. I haven't told Lexa, though, because I don't want her to worry. I know that isn't true because Lexa shows me every day how much she loves me by making sure I have food at lunch and bathing me at night when I'm too tired, but…I don't know.

Now I'm awake and feeling sick, shit, I have to puke. I get up running to the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time. I try to figure out what is wrong with me, running through different diagnoses in my head. I feel my forehead. I don't have a fever. No body aches, so it's not the flu. The only symptom I have is sick to my stomach. I must just be dehydrated and run down from the past couple of months because the only other reason would be…no, that can't be it. I took the emergency contraceptive not long after it happened. I'm just dehydrated, that's all.

I'm not sure how long I've been in the bathroom when Lexa comes in. She immediately gets a cool washcloth and puts it on my neck while holding up my hair. She asks if I'm okay, and I tell her that I think I'm dehydrated. She goes to get me an ice pack and Gatorade. After she leaves, I feel good enough to go back to bed. She comes back, and I drink some of the drink, curl up against her, and fall back asleep.

When I wake back up, I feel fine. We have breakfast and go catch our plane. The plane is impressive, and around eight that night, Lexa propositions me with joining the mile-high club. Something is different about this time; I can't put my finger on it, but it is perfect and unique. I think it is just what I needed. She makes me feel so loved. Unlike all the others, we take our time and go slow, worshiping each other's bodies. After we both come down from our orgasms, I feel the need to thank Lexa for making me feel loved and wanted. She is confused as to why and I confess that I have been thinking about the incident. She lets me know that she loves me and is there for me, and I fall asleep with her fingers running through my hair.

The next morning at four am, I wake up feeling sick again. It's not as bad as yesterday, but I still can't figure out the problem. I made sure to drink plenty of water, so…the only other possibility is…no, I can't be… But, shit, thinking about it is making it worse. I run to the bathroom and lose it. I hear Lexa walk in getting a washcloth then I feel her lift my hair and begin to rub my back.

"Ya Amar, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a little motion sickness. That's all, I will be fine in a few minutes." God, I hope that's all it is. I feel guilty not telling Lexa the possibility, but…I can't be pregnant. What the hell am I going to do if I am. I guess I will need to somehow get a pregnancy test without anyone noticing.

"Babe, I think I'm going to go ahead and take a shower. Why don't you go lay back down for a while?"

"Or I could join you in the shower and help you wash your hair. No funny business, just shower."

"As nice as that sounds, I think I just want a long hot shower, and I don't want to have to worry about maybe throwing up on you."

"Sure, I understand."

I could tell that Lexa was disappointed, and I know she just wants to help, but I need time to think. So I took a long hot shower and thought about things, like how long it had been since the incident. It has been three months and two days…shit I just realized that I haven't had my period the whole time. Shit, this can't be happening!

What will I do if…if I am pregnant? Do I want a kid? Yes, with Lexa not like this. What…what will Lexa say? I know she wants kids with me. She told me that already. But would she want me to keep this one? Would I want to keep it after the way it was conceived, but that wasn't its fault? I don't think I can abort it. That is too much like murder. God, help me. I hope I'm wrong about this. I need to just calm down until I can find out for sure.