Chapter 84: Clarke
I can't believe that Lexa just proposed to me on national television. Not only that, but she also somehow managed to get me the ring that I looked at in the jewelry store the other day. She might have thought that her proposal wasn't the epic one I was looking for, but as far as I'm concerned, it was. So we are now on our way to celebrate on Dana's dime at some exclusive bar.
We pull up outside the bar, the line is all the way down the street to enter, but we walk right in and are led to the back corner beside a stage where there is a line of tables waiting with bottles of champagne, tequila, and sparkling cider. Lexa pulls out a chair for me and then pours me a glass of cider and her a shot of tequila and says to me, "I'm sorry I couldn't come up with a better way to ask you to marry me, but I was tired of waiting. I promise I will make it up to you with the wedding and honeymoon."
"Sweetie, it was epic to me, but I would have said yes regardless of how you asked me. How did you know about this ring?"
She chuckles, "I saw you looking at it when we were shopping for your charm, and I went back to get it while you were in the bathroom."
"Of course, you did."
It wasn't long until the music started up, and there was more food than we could eat. Everyone was having a great time, and some of the other fighters even joined us. Raquel, Tecia, a few guys I don't know their names, and even Jewel made an appearance. Lexa and I danced until I was too tired to dance anymore. She insisted on staying by my side even though I told her it wasn't necessary. Finally, Callie convinced her to go have fun, and she would sit with me.
It's funny how close Lexa and Callie have become considering everything that has happened between the two of them and Ash, but I'm glad because if anyone can understand what I'm going through, it's Callie. Callie asks, "So, how are you feeling?"
"Honestly, I'm exhausted but extremely happy. I had no idea that she was going to propose to me. The thought of getting married to her was in the back of my mind, but I really didn't think it would happen even though she told me after the first fight that she would marry me someday. I really thought she only said it because she was on pain medication. It's still hard for me to believe that she wants to have these babies with me."
"Why would you think she didn't want to marry you? It's obvious to everyone how much she loves you. Plus, you two have some kind of strange but amazing connection that no one can explain. So it only makes sense that she would want to spend the rest of her life with you."
"I know you're right, but I can't help thinking this all happened so fast. And it wasn't long ago that Lexa thought she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Ash. So I just can't help but wonder if…if she's just with me because it didn't work out with her and Ash. Then there is the whole rape thing. I just sometimes feel like Finn was right when he said that I was ruined and that no one would ever want me after it."
"Clarke, seriously? You can't possibly think that after everything that you two have been through together. If you really feel that way, then you need to talk to her. But I can tell you from an outsider's view that the way she looks at you is completely different from how she looks at Ash. Even before she met you, she didn't look at Ash with the same amount of love and adoration she does you. If you don't believe me, ask your mother. She knew them both as a couple before Lexa even knew about me. She would be able to give you better insight on the subject, but…."
Our conversation is interrupted by the DJ making an announcement, "I have an announcement to make really quick. First, I would like to say congratulations to Clarke Griffin and Lexa 'Stryker' Trikru on their engagement." The crowd claps and cheers.
He says that there has been a special song requested by Lexa dedicated to her fiancé and babies momma. The music begins to play Niall Horan's Black and White. Lexa starts to sing. That first night we were standing at your door/ Fumbling for your keys, then I kissed you/ Ask me if I want to come inside/ 'Cause we didn't want to end the night/ Then you took my hand, and I followed you/ Yeah, I see us in black and white/ Crystal clear on a starlit night/ In all your gorgeous colors/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life/ See you standing in your dress/ Swear in front of all our friends/ There'll never be another/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life/ Now, we're sitting here in your living room/ Telling stories while we share a drink or two/ And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind/ We're 65 and you ask/ "When did I first know?" I always knew/ Yeah, I see us in black and white/ Crystal clear on a star lit night/ In all your gorgeous colors/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life/ See you standing in your dress/ Swear in front of all our friends/ There'll never be another/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life/ I want the world to witness/ When we finally say I do/ It's the way you love/ I gotta give it back to you/ I can't promise picket fences/ Or sunny afternoons/ But, at night when I close my eyes/ I see us in black and white/ Crystal clear on a star lit night/ There'll never be another/ I promise that I'll love ya/ I see us in black and white/ Crystal clear on a star lit night/ In all your gorgeous colors/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life /See you standing in your dress/ Swear in front of all our friends/ There'll never be another/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life/ There'll never be another/ I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life.
When she finishes singing, she comes down to where I am and takes my hand. She looks me in the eyes and says, "Everything I thought I wanted changed the instant our lips met. So, if you ask me, When did I first know? I would have to say the moment I first saw you, but I knew without a doubt after our first kiss that I was going to marry you one day. I had never thought about having kids until I met you. I couldn't stand the thought of another child coming up the way I did, but with you, I see how life is supposed to be, and it makes me want to. I want to give them what I didn't have growing up: stability, the chance to grow up in one place and go to the same schools and make friends. I love that these babies will have two loving moms and a large extended family. Now we are having twins, and my life is full of more love and happiness than I ever thought possible, and that is because of you. I promise that I will love you for the rest of my life!"
I can't help but start to cry. I can't believe just minutes ago, I doubted her love for me. But I think it's not her that I am questioning. It's me. I don't deserve her or her love after what happened with Finn and Ahmed. They have me believing that I am ruined, and she can't possibly want me after…but everything she says and does prove otherwise. I need to get them out of my head and be happy with her because she wants me, even now. She does love me and wants to marry me and have these kids with me. That is all I can ever ask for. I need to get out of my head.
I'm not sure how much time has passed since Lexa finished her speech, but I'm suddenly pulled from my thoughts when I hear her say, "Sweetie…Clarke, are you okay?"
When I focus on her, I realize she is squatted down in front of my chair, looking at me with fear in her eyes. I smile weakly and look at her through my tears and say, "I'm fine, babe. Tonight has been…it's been amazing, and I think a little overwhelming. You are…you're just too good for me. I love you."
"Hey, you are looking a little pale and tired. I'm going to take you back to the hotel so you can lay down and rest. We have a long flight tomorrow, and hopefully, we can go ahead with the procedure at the clinic before we leave. You need to rest."
"No, I'm fine. You need to celebrate your win. I promise I will be fine."
"Nope, I don't want to celebrate my win. I want to celebrate my engagement with the most beautiful, wonderful, caring woman in the world. My fiancé and you are exhausted, so we are leaving. No arguments."
Lexa
Before we say goodbye to everyone, I gathered the group of doctors together and ask, "Can we do the procedure in the morning before we get on the plane?"
Ariel speaks, "I have the serum ready."
Anny says, "It's possible to proceed, but you and Clarke will both need time to rest after it and should be monitored by a doctor for at least twenty-four hours just to make sure there are no complications."
I smirk, "I guess it's a good thing we are traveling on a private jet with a full medbay and group of four doctors, then."
Abby shakes her head and laughs, "We do have everything on the plane that we need to monitor for complications, so I guess let's plan on meeting at the clinic at eight in the morning."
I look at Clarke, "Is that alright with you?" She nods and smiles. "Alright then, we will see you all then. Thanks, everyone."
We then say goodbye to everyone and then have Ali drive us back to the hotel. I stopped by the front desk to make the arrangements for leaving in the morning and see if it were possible for them to have a breakfast buffet set up in the bar area to eat before getting on the plane.
Clarke sits on the couch when we get up to the room, and I get her a bottle of water and pretzels. I pour myself a glass of tequila and juice before taking a seat beside her. I smile and say, "So, now I can call you both my baby momma and my fiancé. How do you feel about that?"
"I think that I like the fact that the next time someone asks you on a date at one of your fan events, I can say Sorry she is taken. I'm Clarke, her fiancé."
"You know, sometimes I still can't believe I'm actually allowed to kiss you. I mean, I wanted to for so long that I never thought it would actually happen."
"It was the best thing you ever did. Kissing me, I mean, that first time. That was what set everything in motion. I've been happier with you than I've ever been before in my life."
"Me too," I say, finishing off my drink and wrapping both arms tightly around Clarke. "Are you really sure I'm worth it? I mean, you could have married Finn or some other man instead and not had to worry about societal disapproval. Then maybe things wouldn't have happened with Finn if I never showed up, and I know that Ahmed wouldn't have…if it weren't for me. It seems like all I do is create problems for those around me."
"What? Why would I wish that? No, that thought has never crossed my mind. Although earlier tonight, when I was talking with Callie, I thought that everything was happening so fast. And even though I know that you love me, and you say you want to spend the rest of your life with me, it wasn't long ago that you thought you wanted that with Ash. So I just can't help but wonder if…if you are just with me because it didn't work out with you and Ash."
I pull away from her and can feel the burning in my eyes that let me know the tears are soon to follow, "What? How could you…I thought…"
She grabs me says, "Please let me finish. I realized it's not you that I am doubting. It's me. I don't deserve you or your love after what happened with Finn and Ahmed. They have me believing that I am ruined, and you can't possibly want me after…but everything you say and do prove otherwise. I realize that I need to get them out of my head and allow myself to be happy with you. I know you love me and want to marry me and have these kids with me. That is all I can ever ask for. I just need to get out of my head. I knew what you had been through with Ash when we got together, and I know that what you two had was completely different than what we have, but sometimes I have a brief moment of doubt, then I remember what we have been through, and I know that I am supposed to be with you. Besides, who's to say that Finn wouldn't have done the same thing if I had left him for another man. And, you always say that we should have hope and not let fear or hate control us." She looks at me, "You know how happy you make me, right?"
I put my hand on her face and tenderly kiss her. "Yeah. I know. I just worry sometimes that I'm making your life harder than it has to be. It didn't take me long to admit that being with another woman is what I was always meant to do. But you could have gone either way, though."
Clarke puts her head on my shoulder, "Not really. I think this is what I was always meant to do. Being with you, I mean. I think trying to live without you would be harder than anything I could possibly face with you."
"Baby, I love you more than life itself. What I had with Ash is nothing compared to what I feel when I'm with you. I'm only sorry that I am the reason you were…you were hurt by Finn and Ahmed. I can only hope that you still want to be with me, even though I am the reason you had to endure…everything."
She grabs me in a hug and says, "Are you sure you still want to be with me after what they did to me?"
"There is nothing in this world that could keep me from wanting you except you telling me that you didn't want me."
"Oh honey, I could never not want you. We just need to both agree that we want each other regardless of what has happened in the past and focus on the future from now on. No more doubts, the past is the past, and our future is ahead of us, which includes us getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after as long as we are together."
I lean in and kiss her cheek, "I think that sounds amazing. I love you so much."
Clarke gets up and takes my hand, pulling me from the couch and leading me up to the bedroom. Once there, she slides her arms around me and kisses me gently, slowly. She moves her lips and tongue along my jawline and down my neck.
Clarke
Lexa's body has become intimately familiar to me over the past few months, and I have found that I love every detail more and more as time passes. I only hope that this is where I will always be: here, in Lexa's arms.
Lexa pulls back and asks, "Are you sure you feel up to this?"
"Yes, I need you right now. I want to make love to my fiancé for the first time."
"Um…Clarke, we have had sex before…so this isn't our first time…."
"I know, but this is the first time I'll be making love to you as my fiancé. Before, you were my girlfriend."
Lexa carefully lowers me down onto the bed, covering my face with reverent kisses. "I love you," she says quietly, unzipping my dress and easing it off of me. "I love everything about you." She gently caresses my arms, my sides before unhooking my bra and sliding it off. "I love you more than anything." I close my eyes and revel in the feeling of the kisses raining down on my shoulders, chest, breasts. I have never felt so loved, so cherished as I do with Lexa. I have never had someone love everything about me before.
Three hours later, we were both completely sated and wrapped in each other's arms. I hold Lexa close and drift into a peaceful slumber, feeling the warmth and security of Lexa's love wrapped around me. I can only hope that I never have to fall asleep any other way ever again.