"So, what's new this week?" Mom mumbled the question as I slumped down on my chair.
"Just great!" I mocked.
Today bad been a whirlwind, with the Elites' weekly reports, my new project and Father's view on them. It didn't help that I wasn't able to sleep the last night as I was worrying about America and I.
"That bad?"
"Nah. It's just lack of resting, I'm sure."
"That explains." Her tone was also mocking.
I snorted. "What are you doing here? I thought you were busy with the Elites and helping them with their projects?"
"No. I am here because I was missing my dumpling. Have you seen him?"
Before I could answer, a voice answered, "Aw! I didn't know you missed me this much."
Mom snorted as Justin came in, his hands again full with many papers. "I need an incentive to miss you, Justin, and you're failing spectacularly in providing me one."
"My apologies, Your Highness. But there is so much work to do and just this little soul." I chuckled, throwing a small pillow at his head, which he dodged easily. "See?"
Mom huphed and arranged the lunch she'd brought in for us. "So, tell me everything."
Both of us didn't need any more nudge and we told her everything that was to be shared. After lunch, Justin stood up, stretching his long limbs. "You both carry on, I have work to attend."
When alone, she moved to the couch near the balcony and patted the seat next to her. "How are things going with you?"
"Nice. My time with Elites is back in track. Father is trying to believe in me. Overall everything is good."
"And what about America?"
I sighed, not able to keep anything from her. "I don't know. I thought once things are cleared up between us, she'll accept me, but I guess it was nothing but wishful thinking." A shrug of shoulders was my way of trying to be nonchalant about it, but try as I may it didn't stop.
She nodded, but said nothing. "What? No advice for me this time?"
"No, actually. I know you're capable of handling the things on your own. There is little I can help you with, except for if you want me to talk on your behalf, but we both know that's not happening, so no. Still, if you need anything—"
"—I'll come to you the first thing." Kissing the top of her head, I said, "Thank you."
"Anytime and anything for my dumpling."
.
.
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As promised, I was to take Kriss for a horse ride this evening, but before that she called me in her room. "Have a look at these." She said, pointing at the papers fanned out on her desk. There were photos, text messages, notes, handwritten things and quotes. "I just finished organising everything in my mind, but before I finalized everything, I wanted your opinion."
"Ah. The philanthropy project."
"Yes."
"You completed it so soon. It's remarkable, Kriss."
"This is something I always had in my mind. The project just gave me a route to showcase this."
Sitting in her desk-chair, I looked at everything and read every word. She'd worked on how educational system can be improved, how the system worked now and what can be changed, how it will help in my project as well. There were photos she'd asked to be brought from her hometown, photos where children are sitting on the ground as there is no space left. The notes she'd prepared were exceptionally good. The point she was trying to make hit on the mark. I made a few corrections though that were required. "See this point, it's too direct. Make it a little subtle and brazen it a little bit so it doesn't leave a direct hit but still finds its mark. And this point," a little note she said she wanted to use but was confused, "include this. It's a subtle point, like a balm for all the reality you're going to throw in their face."
She nodded dutifully and made the required corrections.
"I must say, you've done a tremendous job on this."
She beamed up. "Is it good?"
" Is it good? Kriss, this is fantastic. I don't know about others, but yours is definitely going to be looked after. I'll make sure of it."
"Oh!" she jumped excitedly and wrapped her arms around my neck from behind, kissing me on the cheek. "Thank you, Maxon!"
I chuckled, untangling her hands from me. "Come on. Let's go."
Together we made our way to the stables. There, under the shade, were waiting Thunder for me along with Shee, a brown mare with white spots on her. Kriss looked bewildered as she saw them and nervously ran her hands through Shee's neck. Shee, on her part, snorted, sizing her up. "Are you sure?" Kriss asked, looking at me with horrified eyes.
I couldn't help but laugh lightly. "You'll be safe, Kriss. It's just a horse ride, nothing more. Sure my horses can handle you without dropping you on the ground for an hour."
She rolled her eyes at my dry mocking, an unladylike gesture she did often. "I've never ridden a horse. Forget it, I've never sat in a ride either."
"Then you're going to love it." I told her, because I knew it was the truth, for me.
For a second a thought burst in my mind. America here instead of Kriss. She never had the luxury of horse riding or any such thing. She'd be nervous as well, but I know her. She will take it as a challenge and rise up to it.
I should talk to her about this. I have a date planned with her, so why not do it in the stables where I teach her horse–riding. And today, after Capital's Report, we can spend time together like we always do. Bring some normality back.
Back in the present moment, Kriss looked terrified. Holding Shee still, I helped her swing her leg around and settle on her mane. "One thing's for sure: I'm never getting down."
"Liking it already?"
There again, she rolling her eyes. "Nope, of course, but jumping down takes effort that I refuse to make. I swear I can feel Shee's hatred rolling off of her." As if Shee heard it and got offended, she jumped a little. Kriss groaned. "See? I was right!"
I laughed at her scowling horrified face. "Come on. I'll teach you how to ride and then Shee won't be a trouble."
I gave her the instructions: what pulling the reins mean. How to speed and how to stop by just pressing the knees against her sides. How to make her listen to us by rubbing her neck and soothing her. Kriss took in really well, but she still was reluctant in me stepping away. In ten minutes, she knew the basic things she should know about and slowly we went for a light, leisure ride. By the end of the smaller circle, she got accustomed to Shee and was smiling continually. Another ride in the lawn and she was ready.
Together we made our way to the outer periphery of the woods and came back. She was laughing by the time we stopped in the stable. "You're so good." She patted her neck.
Shee muzzled her head in her hand. "She likes me." She patted her neck and rubbed a spot behind her ear which made the mare so happy she wiggled her tail. She laughed and said a few more words to now her mare while I tied Thunder to his place and gave him some hay to feed on.
When done, I stopped beside her. "Do you want to come out of the saddle?" I asked, all amused.
She shook her head. "She is so good."
"We'll visit her another time. Come now, let's get in the palace."
She frowned but put her hands on my shoulder. Swinging a leg, she jumped, and nearly fell on the ground. I helped her regain her balance. Once she was steady on her feet, she looked up at me from beneath her lashes. "Thank you, for this wonderful experience."
She was close enough that I could feel her breath mingling with mine. Close enough that I could feel her warmth radiating out of her.
I shrugged, my gaze fixed on her eyes. Slowly, I let them glide down to her. She was wearing riding dress, with a green shirt tucked inside a leather pants. Her shoes reached her knees, her hair held together in a ponytail. The top fee buttons of her shirt was open as it was still hot outside. Her lips...the top lip thinner than her full bottom lip, painter in red, she looked amazing.
Not amazing to me make me fall in love with her, but enough to make me appreciate her.
"Remind me again why shouldn't I kiss you now?"
She laughed. "You know, let's get inside."
I smiled as I follow her in, my mind still trying to feel a certain red head holding my hand, dragging me in.
.
.
.
"I see you're enjoying yourself."
Turning around, I saw my Father standing by the passageway that separates the palace from the stables.
Kriss, also seeing the king, bowed to her waist, just like a proper lady. "Miss Ambers." He acknowledged her. "Is my son treating you well?" But there was a smile on his face—a genuine smile instead of one full of menace.
She laughed lightly. "Aye, sir. Maxon is nothing but a true gentleman. I would never think he treats anyone unwell."
He smiled. "Good to know you think such highly of my son. Now, I think you just finished your date with him..." he met the sentence drag out, and Kriss got his meaning. Glancing at me one time, she curtsied again and left me with only my Father to give me company. He too looked at her going away. "She is a good choice."
"I know."
"What about Elise? Have you had a date with her?"
"A few days ago, yes."
He nodded. "Good. About the elimination the upcoming week. I was thinking that maybe Natalie Luca should go." At my upraised brows he pointed one finger to let him explain. "I know I said I wouldn't control it any more." Of course he didn't say that, neither did he mean it in any sense. I held my tongue still. "But considering the options you're left with... I don't want America here, but again I promised you can have her here for as long as you want if she isn't a nuisance. Elise is not an option for elimination, and neither are Celeste or Kriss. We can't lose our best option or the alternatives. Natalie on other hand..."
Not wanting to play with his words, I nodded. "I'll see what will happen, and then take a decision accordingly." He gave me a firm nod and started to turn. "Sir," I said, halting him mid-step, "do you really mean you won't interfere in my decisions anymore?"
He said nothing, just gave me a fiery look, smirked, and turned away.
Just as I thought. He won't step in, until it actually happens so he can have his way and I can't have an escape. Just when I thought he was trying to be supportive of me, understanding of me, be have to show me why I always have a trouble deciding if he is my father or just the king.
.
.
.
Gavril, looking smug as he sipped from his wine, gave me a once lookover. "What's new today?"
I laughed, drinking water from the bottle in my hand. "Nothing, actually."
He rolled his eyes, a gesture for my eyes and mkt the king. "Oh, you don't lie to me, Your Highness, not when you know I'm the master of digging secrets. It's written all over your face that something's troubling you. Might as well tell me so I can help you."
I gave him.an expression as if I'm thinking, and ended up laughing at his too eager face. "Nah. You'll never let me down. Just because I trust you doesn't mean I'll tell you. Next thing I know you'll be the one messing things around for me."
He gave me the smile that made his face look younger, with a deep dimple on his left cheek that ect girls sweating over him. "Your confidence in me is flattering."
I chuckled.
"But tell me. It won't help if you're appearing on the Report looking all glum."
I sighed, taking another sip to keep me hydrated. "Nothing. Just Elites and my father and his council and everything else that's not aligning in my life. So, in simple terms, everything."
It was the best I could sum. The Elites were taking my whole time, and in the rest I have to carve time for my new project given by Father, give him updates and take his advice as well as comments of how I'm not working to my best. On top of that, as another elimination is around the corner, the whole council is again climbing up my back to whisper their opinions and their reasons.
The most infuriating thing was their lack of opinion for America and their praises for all the others. Even Natalie, who was, as she was showcasing, good for nothing but her cheerful attitude. And Elise, who had next to nothing but be related to New Asia. I was given the reports of their parties thrown in the honour of our guests two weeks ago, and how Elise worked her best, but even then I knew she didn't do much other than follow orders of Celeste or walk around with Natalie.
Gavril, unaware of my thoughts, gave me his best smile. "If it weren't the case, you wouldn't be the most important and eligible bachelor in the whole country."
I scoffed. "Sometimes I wish I could live a normal life."
He gave me a knowing look. "You aren't the only one who wishes that, Maxon. There are many who want to live the life you despise, and many like me who want to give this whole up and live in solace, something we'll never find. But, there are so many things we get to do. For others, for this country. Like you help run the country and do so much good others can't find in themselves in them to do. Or like me..." he stopped abruptly and shook his head, "recording everything happening here to give the others hope."
Why did I feel he was going to say something else but stopped before he let anything slip.
Before I could dwell on that, Austin, came and told is it was time.
Gavril gave me a pat on my shoulder. "You'll do just fine and well. Don't fret about it. Take a deep breath, put on a smile and you're good to go. As of your Elites, that's for you to look. But take an advice from this old man—"
"Oh my God, you called yourself and old man!" I laughed.
"—I'd let my work come in between pursuing someone I loved." We both knew the name he wasn't trying to address. "Don't make the same mistake."
Again, before I could ask what he meant by that, Austin came and told me it was getting late. I gave him a nod and went in so Dany could give me the last touchup.
.
.
.
The Report went as good as ever. And was over in no time. The only thing remarkable about this was the brief eye contact with America, and her tugging her ear when I tugged mine. God! I even missed these simple gestures—our secret meeting codes, the brief eye contacts...At first I regarded them as nothing special, but now, as I made my way to get room after ten in the evening, I realised they were luxuries which I can't afford to lose, not after I'd tasted the bittersweet taste of distance.
I knocked on her door once and let myself in, just like previous time. There, standing in the middle of the room was America, her spine straight like a still.
Something about her stiff posture made me think something isn't right. It was too formal.
"How are you?" I took a small step towards her.
"Honestly? Nervous." She muttered.
Even her words sounded clipped. So I tried to joke.
"It's because I'm so good-looking, isn't it?"
It worked. She laughed. "I should avert my eyes." She rolled her eyes and her spine made of steel transformed into jelly as she let herself lose her stiffness. "Actually, it's mostly about that philanthropy project."
"Oh." I mumbled, taking a seat on a chair beside the table. It made sense. She would be nervous thinking of her project was good or not. "You could run your presentation by me if you like. Kriss did."
Her eyes tightened around the corners, but then she sighed and I thought if I was thinking all these things or it really happened.
Sitting on the chair across me, she said in a whisper, as if afraid the walls will hear, "I don't even have an idea yet."
Oh! Now it made more sense. "Ah! Yes, I can see how that would be stressful."
She gave me a look which made me control the laugh that was begging to come out.
"What's important to you?" I asked, leaning towards her a little. "There has to be something that really touches you that the others might miss."
She is quite passionate when it comes to something she loves. Learning she didn't find anything interesting to work didn't fit in. But again, she is new to everything in here. Maybe she is just confused...
"I've been thinking all week, and nothing's come to mind."
Seeing her crestfallen face and her full lips curled in a pout, the laughter I was trying to swallow escaped. She looked too incredible for her own good. "I would have thought that you'd have the easiest time. You've seen more hardships in your life than the other four combined."
"Exactly, but I've never known how to change any of it. That's the problem. I can see it all...the Sevens who get injured doing their labor-heavy jobs and are suddenly downgraded to Eights because they can't work anymore. The girls who walk the streets on the edge of curfew, wandering into the beds of lonely men for practically anything. The kids who never have enough—enough food, enough heat, enough love— because their parents are working themselves to death. I can remember my worst days like they're nothing. But coming up with a feasible way to do anything about it?" She shook her head. "What could I possibly say?"
Her eyes met mine, trying to find an answer to her questions. But what could I answer? I've never seen these things personally. Never experienced any such thing. I wouldn't be doing any justice if I say something. So I just answered with a "You make an excellent point."
Yes, she did. She made many excellent points, but none of them focused on what I wanted to talk about.
Tonight, I wanted to talk about us. About our date I was planning for tomorrow noon. I wanted to discuss if she was ready to accept me. If she could move on with what had happened and focus on us and our future. But here she was, talking with about a project that didn't matter to me. Not when my whole future was in her hands.
A sigh escaped me. "This really wasn't what I was hoping we'd talk about tonight."
"What did you have on your mind?"
My eyes, which were fixed on her since I entered in, tightened at her question. Sometimes she acted nonchalant and oblivious, or was she deliberately trying to be?
Answering her bizarre question, I said truthfully, "You, of course."
Her fingers fidgeted with her hair, tucking it behind her ear. "What about me exactly?"
Was she really trying to be ridiculous? Or was simply clueless?
Angling my chair so that we were sitting close, I laid on my insecurities. Something I'd only done with her. "I thought that after you saw that Marlee was fine, things would change. I was sure you'd find a way to care about me again. But that hasn't happened. Even tonight, you agreed to see me, but everything about you is standoffish."
Her voice was too squeaky and high-pitched, her fingers always fidgeting, her eyes always darting away instead of fixed on mine, her posture too rigid. It was all too much.
"It's not exactly you I have a problem with. It's the position." A shrug. "I thought you knew that."
"But after Marlee—"
Her head tilted up sharply, her eyes fixed on mine—eyes full of burning blue fire. "After Marlee, things kept happening. I'll have a grasp on what being a princess will mean one minute and lose it the next. I'm not like the other girls. I'm the lowest caste here; and Elise might have been a Four, but her family is way different from most Fours. They own so much, I'm surprised they haven't bought their way up yet. And you were raised in this. It's a serious change for me."
I hated she is right. Hated I hadn't have an other argument. So I just nodded. "I do understand that, America. That's part of why I wanted you to have time. But you need to consider me in this, too."
"I am." She said too soon, which proved my point further.
"No, not like that." I shook my head, looking straight in her eyes. "Not like I'm part of the equation. Consider my predicament. I don't have much time left. This philanthropy project will be the springboard for another elimination. Surely, you've guessed that."
She looked down. So she knew, and still she hadn't come up with any idea. Was it because she was really clueless or because she wanted to have a go-out. It made sense, though; Don't come up with a good presentation and find a way out. But the real question was: Did she really consider this? Maybe she didn't, but maybe she wants to quit. Maybe she isn't comfortable around me anymore.
The thought forced all air out of me.
"So what am I to do once it's down to four?" I inquired, losing my patience. "Give you more time? When it gets to three, I'm supposed to choose. If there are only three of you and you're still debating if you want the responsibility, if you want the workload, if you want me...what am I supposed to do then?"
Her eyes didn't meet mine, even when she mumbled, "I don't know."
I shook my head.
Maybe... just maybe letting her go will be for the best, no matter how excruciating it will be for me. And if she stays... "That's not acceptable. I need an answer. Because I can't send someone who really wants this—who wants me—home if you're going to bail out in the end."
Soon, I wasn't the only one breathing fast. "So I have to give you an answer now? I don't even know what I'm giving an answer to. Does saying I want to stay mean saying I want to be the one? Because I don't know that."
"You don't have to say anything now; but by the Report you need to know if you want this or not."
She looked at me in disbelief.
"I don't like giving you an ultimatum, but you're being a bit careless with my one shot."
All of this was so wrong, going in the different direction. All I wanted to spend some time with the girl I love—was it too much to ask?
Maybe it was. For her.
"That wasn't where I wanted this conversation to go either. Maybe I should leave..."
Stop me. Please say you need me here. Don't let me go.
Of course she didn't. When does she ever do what I want her to. She just said, "I think you should."
And that was all I could take before I snapped. Standing up, I told her in the most irritating way, "Fine."
Maybe it was childish, but I walked across the room in angry strides, muttering "I'll just go see what Kriss is doing." loud enough for her to hear.
I didn't follow through my empty threat though. I went straight to my room, juggled with the work I was still left with, and when I couldn't find my peace within my work, I went to my balcony. Reclining on the chair, I looked to my ever present and favourite company, drinking hot chocolate Justin had left for me in there. At least the stars took pity on me today and were twinkling, like winking at me to tell everything will be fine.
I sighed and reclined more comfortably. The starry sky gave me a little tranquillity, and a little escape from the turmoil of my thoughts.
Justin must have been looking for me as he accompanied me soon in the balcony. "Hey, you."
"Where were you? I thought you were free after ten."
"I had, but Charles stopped by. The old man was having some trouble, but again, no one else can work with the tyrant—please, if you don't mind—and so I helped him with his work. Old Charles, in the age of his retirement, was busy arranging the papers alphabetically because apparently the king doesn't want his work to be arranged date wise and forgot to inform him of the change."
"Father has so much going on." Why was I defending him? But I knew the answer to that very well.
"Sure." He waved his hand as if it is nothing, which I guessed for him was true when it came to my Father. I knew better than to nudge the topic so I took a step back as well while he reclined in his seat. "What's on with you? You seem off."
"Nothing new."
He laughed. "As in Same old?"
I laughed as well, clinking my glass with his. "Yes."
"Want to talk about it?"
"No. But I know you better. There's no way I'm getting away without your wisdom imparted on me."
His whole body shook as he laughed, reclining properly and gazing at the starry sky just as me. "True. But before that, I'd like to tell you something. This whole Selection is getting on your nerves. I can read your every thought on your face. Clear all your expressions. Dear Papa will hate it if you become readable."
"Thanks." Internally, I screamed, Try to tell me something that I don't know already.
He chuckled. "I've never seen you so riled up in such a long time. When it was?" he replied to himself before I could say anything. "Ah. Your nineteenth birthday, when everybody was here."
"I was excited." I protested.
"Nah. You were riled up. Fretting it up with all your unusual scenarios you built in your head. Especially about how Aunt Adele will act around the prince of England, or around your Godfather."
"She is a force of nature. Of course I was worried for her."
" Of her."
I chuckled. "With her, it's one and the same thing."
"So, now that we were successfully off the track, tell me what happened with America that you're sulking."
"Huh?"
"Don't act weird. I saw you going to her, and now you're here." As if that meant everything.
But he knows me well. Of course he put two and two together. Also, he knows there's only one person who gets me this annoyed or irritated anytime, and he knew who he was. Hell, he knew everything about my relationship that no one else knew—a few things that even I couldn't dare to confess myself.
"Nothing. It was just a reality check." Or something like that.
"Those things suck."
"Tell me about it."
"If you hear me, then I'll say stop forcing the circumstances to bend you way. Just act the way you should, and everything will fall into place."
"Wasn't it me who was giving you this advice a couple of years ago when you were struggling with Sharon?"
He nodded. "Yes. And see how that turned out."
"I couldn't disagree."
"Good. Now stop sulking, will you? Focus on your project for now. Give these Elites some space as well. They are probably busy with their projects."
"Yeah. I was going to. They need to work on them."
And I need to work on my relationship with America.
That night, sitting on my bed, I slipped the ring out from under the pillow where it had been hiding since so long—Halloween seemed like an era ago—and put it under my trousers. No longer will I be parted from the future still winking at me from the distance. Long have I waited for that future to cross the threshold. Now, deciding to wait no longer, it was time for me to take the necessary steps and fetch the future before it winks out this time as well.
What Justin said was right: I need to give time to America. But I'd already done that and seen what happened. Now I won't give her space and time, instead give her my whole attention and try to be supportive. She isn't ready? I'll give her reasons to be. She doesn't know what she wants? I'll show her that. She wants to go? I won't allow that.
Not unless and until there's no other way around.
